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Chapter Four
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"We never go this way, Daddy."
"That's right," he said.
I watched the ninja standing inside the gate, and the large red-and-white fan on the wall. "Why not, Daddy?"
Kakashi turned down a side street, adjusting his forehead protector. "Some people are not . . . as generous as others."
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I started henging. Well. At the Academy, the first thing Iruka had done was hand out copies of an aptitude test. He'd lectured the class briefly on ninjutsu, genjutsu, and taijutsu types, and then he'd gone through a colorful slideshow with various scenarios. We filled in the corresponding bubbles. It didn't take a genius to figure out why the bubbles came in three colors.
On the other side of Shikamaru, Kato scribbled in all the red circles. Possibly because he hated purple, thanks to dear Ino-chan.
Shika didn't touch his paper, but he did write his name at the top of mine.
"There is a door between you and the scroll you need to get for your special mission from the Hokage. If you break down the door, fill in the red circle. If you look for a window, fill the purple circle. If you knock, fill the blue circle."
Every single answer I gave matched a blue circle. Of course, I'd still colored in the red circles to spite Shika. Who snorted. Good, I hoped it affected his grade.
The point was, I was slated for genjutsu. The deception arts. The one part of the ninja repertoire barely covered in my memories. The mystery I was determined to uncover and . . . master.
I had my rare ambition. I had the predisposition.
I did not, however, have results.
I worked at this. I spent nights sticking papers to myself. I had the control for an E-ranked jutsu. Kawarimi and its four hand seals were second nature. A henge only involved the Ram seal, which was the most perfected part of my Kawarimis.
I stared at my reflection in the mirror balefully. Maybe I'm pushing too hard for this. It's got to require a certain level of instinct, maybe. Bashing my head against the wall won't make a window.
"Saimaru-san!" Kato called from inside the kitchen. "Kana-chan's hogging the bathroom again!"
"At least she's behaving," the jōnin muttered to himself. "I don't know why my wife still wants children."
The girl in the mirror huffed and slapped her hands together, glaring when all that happened was a wisp of smoke. I can do this, by chakra. Kakashi graduated when he was five, and I've got everything he had. Minus the crazy weapons genius. And anything physical. Don't give up now.
Knock, knock. "Come on, Kana-chan. You can't really spend an hour in the bathroom. Bato-kun just finished burning our supper." He sighed. "I'd suggest staying in there, but you know how much Nao-chan adores that boy. For a child of a culinary clan, he sure doesn't know many clan techniques. Now come out—I'd like to have any evidence of food poisoning cleaned up before your father gets home."
"Yes, Saimaru-san," I mumbled, deviously out of character.
"On second thought," he said under his breath, "if it teaches manners, you can stay in there all day."
I focused my chakra one last time, aiming for "Hatake hair"—nothing. At this point, I'd probably attribute success to premature aging, anyway. I moped my way to the table and ate my semi-charred ramen.
Bato was fourteen, tall, and intelligent enough in non-culinary things. His motor skills had to be fine, especially with dinner conversation returning to the mysterious Chūnin Selection Exams. I ignored that. Motor skills did not a chef make. "Um, what are those things on the counter?"
Bato froze. Mozuku squinted at the offending objects. "I'd say they look like unused ramen flavor packets. Say, Bato-kun, were you experimenting?"
I paled. Heaven alone knew what lurked in our upper cabinets. Some of the old sugar containers had contact poison (the day ANBU Boar had made us rice balls as a treat had apparently earned him S-rank pay, although I believe he was also suspended for oversight).
Blushing, Nao's idol said, "I just forgot a few. Besides, I wouldn't dare to experiment in this house. Hatake-san already chewed us out for practicing in the yard."
Nao scowled. "Like his stupid plants would be hurt by chakra, right? I mean, the guy's been off-duty since his brats were—for years. If he's always home, I don't see why a couple of jutsu are some dumb security risk, right?"
"If you're referring to the Chūnin Exams," Saimaru replied flatly, "we're skipping missions for the next month. You'll have plenty of opportunity to practice, and you won't have to go against Hatake-san's house rules." He glanced at me. "Why don't you kids go play in your room."
Kato didn't want to. I kicked him under the table and he changed his tune.
So that's it? Daddy used the backyard as an excuse? No, that's not it. It's more complicated. But who told them he was off-duty? Saimaru, maybe? He does tell it how it is when they ask. But Daddy hasn't been off-duty, not really!
Wait.
Oh.
That's why the ANBU were henged, when we were babies. It wasn't just to calm us down. He's been "here" the entire time.
But that. That would mean. Either Daddy is an invaluable ninja, or—
We are invaluable children.
"Kato-kun?"
He put down his Go board.
"Has Daddy ever told you about our mother?"
"Huh? Do you mean those ladies who follow us into res—terents?"
"No, that's different."
His nose wrinkled under his mask. "I don't like those ladies. They say Daddy's cute. Daddy says only children and nin-dogs are cute. Do you like those ladies?"
I sat against my bed, pulling my knees to my chest and letting the thought slide into the abyss. "Aki-san has a positively morbid sense of sarcasm. I think her brother used chakra strings to trip her the one time. She's the only one who didn't seem to approach him on purpose, so she's not half bad. Or maybe she's a great actor. Hats off to Aki-san."
Kato frowned in bewilderment. "Do you wanna play with me? You'll win again."
"That's—" The front door exploded. Nao screamed. I tackled Kato and ran through the first three hand seals of Kawarimi, waiting breathlessly. Silence.
And then, "Fear not, beautiful maiden, it is I, Konoha's Beautiful Green Beast, Maito Gai!"
Nao screamed again, louder. I let Kato squirm away. The gathered chakra was released back into my body, after a sudden urge to escape while I had the chance.
Saimaru busied himself with pleasantries, such as finding out why the other jōnin was here.
"Daddy's late," I summarized. "And probably out-of-contact, too, because no way would he let Gai-san watch us. We can play Go tomorrow."
Our bedroom door crashed open. "Good Evening, children of my Eternal Rival Kakashi. You are looking more Youthful than at our last meeting!"
"Gai-san?" Kato said warily.
The man burst into tears. "Ah, Kakashi, you have told your Youthful children of your Honorable Rival and his amazing Youthfulness!"
Had my face not already been implanted in the floor, I would have done said action immediately. I settled for trolling. "He's never mentioned you."
Daddy's friend collapsed in the Go pieces, twitching. I had lied, of course. Kakashi told us about Gai's antics more often than he himself realized, going so far as to admit that Gai legitimately won the footraces. Most of that had been said before we could talk, however, so Kato wouldn't remember a thing.
"Yosh!" Gai exclaimed suddenly, jumping to his feet in a painfully athletic manner. "I will prove to you Impressionable Youths why I can never be forgotten! I may not be Hip and Cool like Kakashi, but I am more Youthful!"
As our favorite genin team sneaked into the street, I hauled myself upright. He's making a pose. Kato, save me!
Kato was grinning like an idiot, absorbed in the crashing waves and the sunset. Hold on, we've seen that before, years ago when he watched us. I thought it had sound.
No matter. I really wanted to do genjutsu, and here was a man who would give me all the examples I wanted. But without hand seals. That makes it more complicated.
Kato, true to type, had a different approach. "What's a 'rival'?"
Gai explained. Kato glanced over at me.
"It doesn't apply to siblings. Or Daddy." I considered. "Perhaps Kiba-kun?"
"I wanna pick," grumbled my twin.
Gai turned out to be an excellent babysitter, matching Kato's stamina and enthusiasm with ease. He had us show off our sword skills, casually telling Kato about all the flaws in my stance.
"What about my stance, Uncle Gai?"
"I am certain your father will correct that, Kato-kun. Your sister does not need the help."
A strange thing to say—just because I'd fixed what he'd pointed out didn't mean that I wouldn't forget later.
Eventually, Kato collapsed while the two were playing "catch" on the couch. Gai caught him (yes, that kind of catch) and told me to get ready for bed. I found Guwuh and a blanket and camped out on the living room floor, deciding against a futile hour in the bathroom.
Gai was going to take the couch, and I had a strange urge to keep an eye on him instead of heading to my bedroom. Besides, Kato liked the man and had decided he'd like to be storied to bed.
Stories of rivalries were either very interesting or very sleep-conducive.
Kato woke up a few hours later. "Uncle Gai?"
The Green Beast stirred.
"Who is that person in the corner? Why did he jump? Is he going to say hi?"
Gai removed Kato from his lap and went to talk to the person, ANBU Wildcat. The village had just received an emergency messenger hawk. Was Gai willing to stay longer? That was the Youthful thing to do, yes. Gai came back, frowning at my sans-blanketed self and the newly-toasty Kato. He went and found me a comforter.
Two days went by, the longest days I'd suffered for a while. Kato clung to Gai like a leech. Gai avoided his questions (I didn't bother) and kept us busy with training. This suited Kato very well, but I refused to go on another morning marathon, even if we were carried half of the way. Gai didn't like my Unyouthful spirit. We went running.
When we passed by a training ground, I found the passion to shout, "Kato-kun! Let's play hide-and-seek!"
Gai probably assumed I was bipolar by this point. "An excellent idea, Kana-chan. I will do five hundred push-ups, and you two can go show me the power of your Youthfulness!"
"Is that higher than twenty?" Kato whispered.
I snorted. "If you get bored, practice hand seals. Now shoo, I don't want him to find me."
Kato bounced into the trees. I took my own advice . . . and swapped places with a log. Again. And again. And again. I then hightailed it toward home.
The house was as silent as a grave when I came in through the back door, panting. I could run, and I could Substitute myself a fair amount, but I couldn't do both without a price. I went into the kitchen to restore fluids and maybe steal an apple. The dog bowl by the fridge was empty. "Hello? Doggie-san?"
The note Gai had left on the floor was gone, too.
I checked the entire house, annoyed that one of the summons had dropped by yet not had the decency to stay. Most likely, it had run after us and was delivering some ridiculous message from Daddy to Kato right now. Stupid irony.
Regardless, I was definitely alone.
"There's no one here, right?" I asked the replaced front door. "All right, then, I can't back out now. Seriously, I can do this. No one else will find out, ever." I shuddered. Exhaled. I searched for the unending waves of energy that fueled my old Killer Intent.
"Yosh!" I roared energetically, shaping my hands into V's. "I will show you the power of my youthfulness!"
It was exhilarating. I had surrendered myself into doing exactly what he did, right down to the thought process, and I knew it was working. I dropped to my knees, grinning like a crazy person. "I will make myself my Eternal Rival, and be better than I can be!" Tears shimmered down my cheeks.
Waves crashed around me. A seashell was digging into my kneecap. The room lit up with a carmine hue. I was completely ecstatic.
The front door, naturally, took that moment to slam open.
Daddy and I stared at each other in utter horror.
"Well," he muttered eventually, "at least I turned off the Sharingan." He shuddered and closed his eyes. "Where is Gai?"
"M—marathon," I choked out.
Daddy disappeared. To my dismay, I did not. This is nice and all, a tiny portion of my brain managed, but shouldn't that genjutsu have turned off? And also, is that blood on the front steps?
Aaaaaaaaaugh! the rest of my head replied. Getitoffgetitoffgetitoff!
Daddy returned to a house filled with Killer Intent and one very, very embarrassed daughter. "We never speak of this again."
"Deal."
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~Kawarimi: Substitution technique
Yosh: "let's go" or "all right"
Silimaira: brain-dead. Cause attributed to Youthful scenes, which apparently suck up enough inspiration to abort all thoughts of Unyouthful scenes. Because I make excuses about excuses, that's why.
To everyone who guessed at the riddles, great job! The answers are "fire" and "firefly," and some of you got them both right. Congrats!
This is the last update for a while, since I'm off to slavery and dudgeon for the next semester. There is literally no access to FFN there (sob), to the healthiness of my gpa. Anyway. As I now know from experience, the only way the next chapter will be anything short of pulling teeth to write is if I have motivation waiting at home. Typos, criticism, ye old plot suggestions/weird pairing requests (none so far)—I care not. Better yeeet, you could ask me a riddle. That might even qualify as revenge, but it would honestly make my day.
Thank you for reading; please help me hit the ground running!
(Next chapter's hopeful date is May 20th and much chocolate.)