Draco — May 2007
Looking in the mirror, I felt myself growing agitated. I fussed with the bowtie I was wearing under my dress robes — a hideous shade of purple to match Astoria's ensemble — and I felt dread roiling in my stomach. It had been nineteen months since I'd been to an event like this, and I apparently still hated them.
It certainly wasn't how I wanted to spend my last weekend before I returned to work, but Astoria had been adamant that we were going. Together. That everyone would see us together and know we were fine. We weren't hiding anything. While her words struck me as odd, I figured my father was behind it. She sounded exactly like he had when I was younger.
When she walked into our bedroom, she smiled at me and I returned the gesture. She looked absolutely lovely, and the diamond earrings I'd bought for her were on full display. It was clear by the necklace and bracelet she had on that she'd also raided my mother's jewelry box for some more trinkets to wear.
"You look beautiful," I said, complimenting her before leaning in to kiss her.
She pulled away quickly. "No distracting me! We need to leave soon if we want to make a good entrance."
Well, that's the last fucking thing that I want, but if I must…
She ran her wand over every inch of her dress, smoothing out lines and wrinkles. While she continued primping, I moved to the nursery where Scorpius was already fast asleep with one of the Manor elves watching over him. Running my hand over his white-blond hair, I said, "Sleep well, buddy. Mummy and Daddy will be home before you even wake up. I promise."
As Astoria and I entered the ballroom, all eyes were on us. I knew my re-entrance into proper wizarding society would be a topic of interest, but I wasn't prepared for the camera flashes and reporters at the door. Astoria, however, seemed to be in her element, answering questions and smiling. I plastered on a smile, watching her charm everyone. She spoke of my accident and recovery and of being first time parents, like she had to explain away our absence for the past year and a half.
It made me feel a little sick. These people weren't entitled to anything. We didn't owe them information about our personal lives.
I took her hand, lacing my fingers through hers, and started pulling her inside. After a quick look at me, she waved to the press, saying we had to get on with our evening. The vultures also photographed our retreating forms, tempting me to make a rude hand gesture at the camera.
Entering the ballroom was a bit more peaceful, surprisingly enough. While it was still crowded, the people inside had actually been invited and didn't fawn over us. Astoria dropped my hand so she could greet and hug acquaintances, playing the part of the pureblood society wife perfectly.
Although, I supposed she wasn't acting; she was a society wife, born and bred for this life.
As I scanned the room, my eyes landed on Potter and a very pregnant Pansy. I almost laughed to myself; I'd never imagined my childhood friend as a mummy of three. Her hands were resting on her baby bump, and I knew she was likely ready to burst.
"Shall we say hello to the Potters?" I asked.
Astoria smiled and nodded, though I noticed her looking around nervously. Her hands were clasped together in front of her body and she was wringing them together. Grabbing her forearm, I slid my hand down towards her wrist, surprising her. When my hand found its way to hers, I threaded my fingers through hers again and she squeezed my hand gently.
"What are you nervous about?"
Again, her eyes scanned the room. "Nothing. There are just a lot of people here and we've not been to an event like this in a long time."
I accepted her response as truth and continued leading her towards the Potters. When we reached them, Pansy looked Astoria over and ignored her.
"Draco! It's wonderful to see you again," she greeted, kissing me on both cheeks.
Potter, always the one to smooth things over when Pansy made them awkward, clasped Astoria's hand and brought it to his lips. "Mrs. Malfoy, lovely to see you two out and about again."
"Well, I told Draco that he's certainly well enough for a social event if he's ready to be an Auror again," she laughed, but I still heard some bitterness in her tone.
Both Potter and Pansy noticed it, as well. "Well, rest assured, things are a lot different than they were a couple of years ago. Not nearly as much travel. I'll even be taking a bit of time off when baby number three arrives," he responded.
Pansy took the opportunity to once again rub her abdomen. "Yes, I'll definitely need help when our littlest one arrives. Merlin, three children in the house! I'm starting to feel like Molly Weasley!" With a wink, she added, "And who knows? Maybe I'll just keep going! Harry can't seem to keep his hands off me."
Astoria smiled tightly and I could tell she knew Pansy was intentionally being a bitch. Digging through my inadequate memories, I tried to remember if Pansy treated Stori like this at Hogwarts, but I came up with nothing. I wasn't sure why she was such a shrew to my wife, but I didn't know how to stop it.
When I looked to Pansy again, I saw her eyes gleam with something akin to mischief.
"Ahhh, Harry, look! Blaise and Hermione are here. We should go say hello," she began. "It was wonderful to see you again, Draco. I do hope you and Astoria have a lovely night."
And just like that, Potter and Pansy started moving and my stomach twisted. I didn't have the courage to look up and see Blaise and Granger. As curious as I was, I couldn't piss Astoria off, and I needed to mentally prepare myself if we were going to speak to them.
Luckily, salvation arrived in the form of my parents; I saw them standing on the opposite side of the room. Taking Astoria's hand once more, I said, "Let's go and greet Mother and Father. I can catch up with Blaise later on."
When she met my eyes, she looked pleased, and I figured I had made the right decision.
Somehow, I still felt like it was wrong.
All through cocktail hour I stayed focused on my family, speaking only to those who came up to us. At dinner, we were seated with Astoria's family and several other purebloods. It seemed that segregation was still quite prominent in this world, but we were on the other side of it now. Our name was still important enough to make the cut, but we'd never be front and center again.
When the meal was over, the Minister for Magic gave a speech about unity and heroism and acceptance. It was the same rubbish they'd all been spouting for ten bloody years. However, at the end of the speech, he asked Potter, Weasley, and Granger to open the dancing portion of the evening.
Potter and Weasley led Pansy and Lovegood to the dance floor, and after a moment, I saw Blaise stand. It was obvious that Granger wanted no part of this, but he coaxed her up, laughing and smiling. While I hadn't yet laid eyes on her, I noticed that Blaise looked happier than I'd ever seen him. Even if she was being stubborn about dancing, he was excited to be there with her and I couldn't blame him.
I looked to Astoria and saw her watching the scene unfold. My parents were also smiling, though my father's amusement appeared to be directed at Granger, and that didn't seem right at all. With all eyes on the Golden Trio I had no choice but to look, and what I saw nearly took my breath away.
Granger's dress was black. At first glance, it wasn't sexy at all, though it was quite fitted to her torso. Her whole chest was covered and there was only a small keyhole cutout in the back. But when the light hit it just right, it was obvious that the gown was made of sheer material, swaths of her skin visible if you looked properly. There were patches of lace and opaque fabric protecting her modesty. The sheer fabric shimmered, drawing my eyes to her, making me notice that her lips were painted bright red.
She was smiling at Blaise, her white teeth looking even brighter when framed by lipstick, and her dark hair was swept over one shoulder. Her curls cascaded down her front, almost reaching her waist, and I tried to remember if I'd ever seen them so long.
My brain, frustratingly, drew a blank. I recognised her, of course — I'd only just seen her in Diagon Alley last weekend — but she was still glaringly absent from the last few years. When Blaise pulled her close, my jaw clenched, even though it really had no reason to. I wanted them both to be happy, and if they were in love, then that was all that mattered. My silly infatuation with her — the one that had started at Hogwarts — was of no consequence. I had no right to be jealous of Blaise for stealing Granger away.
She'd never been mine to lose in the first place.
As they danced, her focus stayed primarily on Blaise; they were chatting and laughing, and I found myself longing to know what they were saying. He led her closer to Potter and Pansy, and they all shared a private joke.
Astoria's hand landed on my thigh, squeezing it gently. I turned to her and she said, "You're staring. It's weird."
Chastened, I moved my chair closer to hers and held her hand. "I was just watching the dance. I can't wait to get you out there."
When I looked to my father, he was still scrutinizing them, as well. My mother, however, was observing me closely. I made a mental note to ask her why later on. Lifting my wine goblet, I took a healthy gulp and resisted the urge to turn and watch Granger and Blaise again. The song they were dancing to seemed to drag on for ages.
Finally, applause rang out and they all moved from the dance floor, fleeing like it was on fire. I rose and held out my hand to Astoria, asking her to dance. When we were safely ensconced in the crowd, my eyes scanned the room again. There was no sign of Pansy or Granger.
We waltzed and twirled for a few songs before my father cut in, sweeping Astoria around. As I headed for the bar, I nearly knocked into Blaise.
"Hey, Zabini," I greeted.
Nodding at me, he replied, "Malfoy. Good to see you out and about."
"Well, Astoria wouldn't let me get away with going back to work unless I also started showing up to gatherings like this again."
He smirked. "Ah, of course. Can't keep a pureblood princess from her ball."
"Or a Golden Girl," I quipped.
"Oh, you know Hermione," he began. "She'd prefer not to be here, but Kingsley begs her every year, and she relents."
But I don't know her. Not as well as you do…
"Speaking of which, I'm off to get a drink for my lovely date," Blaise added.
I gestured for him to lead the way, but when I fell into step beside him, he stiffened. "I'm also headed to the bar." To fill the silence, I asked, "What kind of reception should I expect on Monday?"
"Potter hasn't really told many people that you're coming back. I'm assuming he'll give you some time to get readjusted to the department before doing anything formal," he answered. "He told me, Hermione, and a few others."
"Good. I don't want to make a big deal of it. I just want to start filling my days again."
As we stood in line, we chatted, catching up. Astoria joined me when the song was over and I wrapped an arm around her waist. I saw Blaise's eyes focusing on something over my shoulder, his smile growing as he crooked his finger. Before I had a chance to prepare, Granger was in front of me and Blaise was kissing her temple.
"Malfoy," she said quietly. "Astoria, it's nice to see you again. Are you enjoying your evening?"
Astoria nodded. "Yes, it's been wonderful so far. It's so nice to get out again." After an awkward pause, she added, "I'm surprised to see you here with Blaise."
"We've been seeing each other for about five months. I'm sure you've read Witch Weekly and have seen us together," Granger responded, some of her fire showing.
With a laugh, I tried to break the tension. "Of course she reads Witch Weekly, but we all know half of what's printed by journalists isn't true."
Blaise pulled Granger closer when the line advanced, both his arms wrapping around her waist. "Well, in this case, it's all true. Very, very true. Isn't that right, Tesoro?"
Flushing, she nodded. "It is." Her fingers linked with Blaise's top hand. "How is your son?"
A genuine smile crossed my face. "Oh, he's wonderful. I'll definitely miss spending the day with him when I'm back at work, but Stori will be home with him."
"That's great, Astoria," Blaise said. "Is Daphne here tonight?"
"She is. I haven't seen her or Michael since the dancing began, but I'm sure they'll appear," she replied, her hand settling on my chest.
The line moved again and I watched Blaise hold onto Granger. When they stepped in unison, she laughed and the sound was beautiful.
"So, Granger, I hear you like to give out Muggle literature to purebloods. Can you recommend any new books to me?" I asked playfully. "It seems I've read everything I have."
Her eyes widened, but a mask quickly slid over her features. "I'm sure I can bring you something on Monday. Stop by my office."
The easy acceptance, the lack of snark — it was all unexpected, and I wondered if this was how it had been. Again, that line of thought led nowhere; I couldn't remember much more than a casual greeting or quick conversation since the end of the war.
Smiling at her, I said, "Great. Thank you."
When she smiled back, warmth spread from my head to my toes. And then Blaise leaned in, kissing the side of her neck and making her eyelids flutter closed in pleasure. "So sweet, Tesoro," he murmured. "Loaning books to Malfoy."
I looked to Astoria and her cheeks were pink. The queue moved again and we'd nearly reached the front. Thank Merlin, because things felt a bit strange after Blaise's very public display of affection. He had Granger giggling.
"So, Blaise," Astoria said, interrupting their little interlude. "How is your mother?"
He loosened his hold on Hermione and met Astoria's gaze. "She's doing well. Interviewing new husbands already. One died just a few weeks ago. It's all very tragic."
Granger snorted a laugh and rolled her eyes. "Thank the gods she doesn't kill them in Britain. You'd have to arrest her."
"Ah, I wouldn't be able to do that. Conflict of interest," Blaise replied.
Their interactions were so easy, and I tried to remember if I'd ever talked to Astoria this way. Nothing between Granger and Blaise looked forced and I realised they were truly happy together.
And that was what I had been telling myself I wanted for them.
While I was lost in my thoughts, Ron Weasley and Luna Lovegood floated over, jumping into the conversation. "Sweet Circe, Mrs. Malfoy, your aura is positively green! It's a lovely spring colour on you!" When she turned to me, she said, "Interesting! You're green with a tinge of red around your heart and groin! Are you feeling particularly aroused right now?"
Blaise, Weasley, and Granger started laughing hard while I stood there, mouth gaping. Astoria was even more flushed and I couldn't tell if it was from embarrassment or anger.
"N-No! Of course not!" I spluttered.
Lovegood shrugged. "Well then, it's a lovely mix of Slytherin and Gryffindor! Maybe your inner lion will come out again now that you're going back to work!"
Weasley snorted. "Yeah, I'm sure that's it, love. Malfoy has always been so brave."
Deciding to be the bigger man, I ignored Weasley's comment. I knew he was just trying to get a rise out of me, and I wasn't going to let him. For a moment, I wondered how she knew about my return to the Aurors. Either Potter had a big mouth or she was a clairvoyant nutter.
Luckily, Blaise and Granger had reached the bar. After they got their drinks, they started to move away, but were stopped by Potter and Pansy and my parents. When Astoria and I had also finished at the bar, we had no choice but to join the group. I listened to the idle chatter as my parents asked Pansy and Potter about their impending third baby. Astoria tried to interact with Pansy again, talking about Scorpius and asking about Severus since they were born on the same day, but she was rebuffed.
Granger was standing in front of Blaise again and he had an arm around her waist, holding her close. She was sipping champagne and interjecting whenever she could. I saw Blaise's thumb stroking against her in a comforting manner, the motion drawing my eyes back to the sheer fabric of the dress that revealed glimpses of her skin.
The skin I had wanted to see, to touch, since I was a teenager. It was right in front of me, pleading for me to look even though it would just make me even more jealous of Blaise.
"—right, Draco?" my mother asked.
"I'm sorry. I was somewhere else for a moment, Mother. What did you say?"
Narrowing her eyes at me, she replied, "I was talking about Scorpius walking and getting into everything. I said it's both a blessing and a curse, right, Draco?"
"Yes. He's quite mischievous for being under the age of two," I responded.
Pansy smiled at me. "I remember when we started going through that with James. It's definitely a learning experience."
Granger's laugh rang out and she clapped a hand to her mouth. Blaise's lips were by her ear again, and I wondered what he was whispering to her. Her eyes met mine and she immediately looked away.
"Well, if you'll all excuse us, Hermione and I are going to dance," Blaise announced. "We don't have much to contribute to a chat about babies."
My father nodded. "I don't suppose you would. Do enjoy yourselves."
As they walked away hand-in-hand, Granger leaned into Blaise's shoulder and he kissed her forehead. I forced myself to look away and refocus on the conversation around me.
I had to forget about her.
The Potters and Weasleys departed shortly after Granger and Blaise, leaving me with my parents and Astoria. I looked to my wife and said, "Did you want to dance again?"
Nodding, she took my hand and led us into the crowd.
"Well, that wasn't awkward at all," Astoria said, wrapping her arms around my neck. "I'd forgotten how small the wizarding world actually is."
Puzzled, I asked, "What do you mean?"
"Making small talk with your parents and Harry Potter and Ron Weasley," she replied. "It's one thing to talk about the Auror office, but it was just a long, awkward encounter."
I made a non-committal sound and led her through the dance, not really knowing what to say. I hadn't found the conversation awkward, merely a bit boring. But then again, I had barely listened. I'd been watching Blaise and Granger as discreetly as possible.
About halfway through the song, I looked up and saw Granger gazing at us while continuing to sway in place with Blaise. Unlike before, she looked sad, like she was barely holding it together. She was clinging tightly to Blaise and I wondered if he was the only thing keeping her afloat in this room full of people.
As soon as she noticed I was staring back at her, she quickly turned away and tucked her face against Blaise's chest. It was clear she'd been wearing a mask earlier, playing the happy, carefree version of herself that somehow seemed so off to me. Maybe it was because I'd imagined her as the serious type and assumed she'd be married and settled down long before most.
Or maybe she'd just been drunk.
I had a feeling I'd just seen the real Hermione Granger, the one who had hidden herself away. The pain written across her face had been clear, and I wondered how many people knew she was hurting.
Did Blaise? Did Potter? Did Weasley?
Who did she trust to help with her pain?
I quickly snapped back to reality when Astoria's lips made their way up my neck to my ear, and she said, "I think I'm ready to go home now, Draco."
"Yeah?" I asked, pulling her closer. "Are you sure?"
She looked up at me, her eyes a bit glassy and her cheeks flushed. For the first time all night, she leaned in and kissed me properly in front of everyone. When she pulled back, she swiped her thumb across my lips and quietly replied, "I'm sure. I need you."
"As soon as this song ends, we'll go," I told her, tucking her back against my chest.
When I looked over to the spot where Granger and Blaise had been, they were walking away, weaving through the witches and wizards that were still dancing. Disappointment filled me; I'd wanted to get one more look at her to make sure she was okay. I knew that Blaise was a good person and would take care of her, but I wasn't sure how open she was with him.
Did she let him see through to her sadness? Or did she hide it from him?
I had so many questions running through my head.
Once the music stopped, Astoria kissed me again and coaxed me forward, making her way towards the room containing the Floos. It struck me as strange that she didn't insist we say goodbye to everyone but I let it go, choosing to believe that she really was anxious to get home and into bed. Her kisses had been more heated than they usually were.
As soon as we stepped into the Floo, our backs to everyone, she put her hand on my groin and I nearly jumped in surprise. I quickly tossed the powder down into the grate, igniting it, and shouted out our address. I heard her laugh to herself as we were whisked away to our living room.
"What's gotten into you?" I asked, but she didn't answer.
Instead of speaking, she kissed me hard and started fumbling with my robes. I began to wonder if she was drunk or if someone had slipped her a potion.
She wasn't acting like my prim and proper wife.
Grabbing her hands, I broke the kiss and held her still. "Astoria, are you okay? This isn't like you."
"I told you. I need you," she stated, her hand moving to the front of my trousers once more. "Champagne and a night out dancing… We haven't spent time together properly in too long."
She was right — since I'd announced my return to work, she'd been distant with me. The only exception was the previous weekend; when we'd arrived at the Manor, she'd handed Scorpius off to my mother and made a feeble excuse about needing something from my former bedroom, even though we all knew it had been cleaned out before dragging me up the stairs.
Leaning forward, I looked down into her eyes. I expected her to look ready to devour me. Instead, she looked almost nervous, and I worried that my questions had felt like a rejection to her.
"I'm right here," I said, my voice low.
Before she closed her eyes, I thought about the way I associated blue with cold, with ice. And, even though it was wrong, I thought of warm browns, of golden flecks in the firelight.
I thought of the woman who would be spending the night in Blaise's bed, rather than the one right in front of me.