The past few weeks had been atrocious. Wearing a mask and keeping my emotions buried every single day was a special kind of hell, and I'd taken to carrying my journal with me everywhere I went again. I hadn't wanted to bother Harry and Pansy with my crazy, and I couldn't talk to Blaise. I'd made the appointment with Penelope, but she hadn't been able to squeeze me in til early June.

I started arriving at work early every day, barricading myself in my office. I only entered the department when absolutely necessary, and I always made sure to keep my eyes down as much as possible. There were times that I couldn't resist looking up to catch a glimpse of Draco and, more often than not, his eyes were on me. I let Blaise behave like a caveman, accompanying me everywhere without a fuss, because I felt guilty for not telling him I was struggling.

And I didn't know if he really thought I was fine, but he hadn't asked me how I was doing. That surprised me so much — he'd always been so in tune with my emotions.

Food was becoming hard to stomach again and sleep was eluding me, even in Blaise's bed. I'd been connecting with him physically as often as possible, but I hadn't really been with him emotionally. Our sex life was bordering on rough and possessive most days, the initial gentleness and caution abandoned. Whenever I came, Blaise wanted to hear his name escaping my lips, and he made sure it happened multiple times a night.

Honestly, my body had never felt so sated. It was my mind that was the problem.

It didn't matter what I did, or how hard I clung to Blaise, or how much I hid in my office — my brain was still fixated on Draco. Very little could distract it.

As Pansy's due date drew nearer, Ron's words haunted me.

The second you're left alone, he's going to try to get close to you again…

I couldn't stop thinking about it, but I'd also worked so hard at keeping my distance that I wasn't sure if he'd even try to come near me. There was no way Draco hadn't noticed — he'd taken to sending my books back with Blaise, and he hadn't asked for more. Still, I knew he was watching me closely whenever I did make an appearance.

The first week, Blaise had also noticed and commented on it, but I'd done my best to reassure him, telling him that I wasn't paying attention, that I hadn't really noticed.

But I had. I still did.

I just couldn't make myself admit it to anyone and I'd built my Occlumency shields up to a point that they were impenetrable. Thankfully, Blaise hadn't really practiced mind magic at all, so he didn't really notice that I was walling parts of myself off from him.

Knowing I couldn't carry on like this forever, I was counting the days to my appointment with Penelope. I needed advice. I needed to know what to do to navigate this situation successfully. Every option I'd come up with seemed insufficient.

On the fourth of June — the day I was supposed to have my appointment — Pansy went into labour and I was summoned to Grimmauld Place to stay with the boys. Since I was allowed to care for the kids, I knew that Harry also hadn't noticed I'd slipped back into a poor mental state. I couldn't blame him — he had a lot going on with Pansy, and the situation we were helping with in Florence was quickly escalating.

Since Blaise was the only Auror fluent in Italian, he'd been designated as the lead on the case and could be called away at any time. It felt like Ron's words were going to come true more and more every day. Soon, I'd be left alone with Draco, and I had to be able to cope with it.

When I arrived at Grimmauld Place, James threw his arms around me. "Auntie Mi! The new baby is coming!"

"I know! Isn't it exciting?" I said, giving him my first genuine smile in days as I crouched down to hug him.

His dark hair was so like Harry's, but his eyes were all Pansy. James was a perfect mix of the two, while Sev was the spitting image of his father already. I thought it was fitting that the child named Severus had inherited Lily Potter's eyes, one of those perfect circles rarely seen outside of novels.

Looking frustrated, Pansy made her way into the kitchen. "Honestly, you'd think we'd never done this before with the way Harry is panicking. How he kept his cool when Voldemort was after him, I have no idea."

I laughed, knowing that she was actually nervous herself and trying to deflect attention to Harry. Her hands were rubbing over her baby bump and she was starting to wince.

"Contraction?" I asked, picking James up and moving to her side and offering my free hand.

She took it and squeezed it lightly for only a second. "They're not that bad yet. I'm okay."

"Mum, is the baby a boy or a girl?" James enquired.

Pansy narrowed her eyes at him. "You know that we won't know until he or she is born. Your father never wants to know beforehand."

"I hope it's a girl," he said. "I don't want another brother."

I kissed his little cheek. "But if it is a boy, you'll still be a great big brother to him."

He wriggled, wanting to be put down. As soon as his feet hit the floor, he ran off. "I will!"

"I can't believe I'll have three children under three. I don't care that it'll only be for a week or two. It's still horrifying," Pansy said. "I joked about being like Molly Weasley, but I honestly think I could end up with that many if I don't put a stop to it."

"Are you ready to?" I asked.

Pointedly looking at me, she said, "I think this is it for us. It's time for someone else to take over populating the wizarding world."

My heart stopped, knowing what she was implying.

"Blaise and I haven't even been together for a year, Pansy!"

She shrugged. "Harry and I dated for what, a year before we got engaged? And then we were married six months later. You're six months in now, Granger."

"I know, but I don't feel ready. Let's just… not talk about this today," I replied. "Let's focus on little Potter number three getting here safely."

Letting out a sigh, she said, "Distract me. Tell me how things have been with Draco. Harry will only say that you're staying away from each other."

"That's a fairly accurate account of it." Pansy gestured for me to continue. "He talked to me his first day back, and then Blaise went all possessive on me, and I haven't approached Draco since. I can feel him watching me sometimes, but I don't speak to him."

She hummed, acknowledging what I'd said, but not contributing anything to the conversation she'd started.

"It's not that I think I can't talk to him, but Blaise got so upset. He is the last person I want to worry. He's spent years worrying about me," I continued. "And I don't know how I'll feel if Draco tries to be friends with me. I don't know if I could stand it."

Pansy's lips parted and she sucked in a breath. "I think you're doing the right thing, staying away from him. Nothing good will come from you two getting close again. You're like fire and petrol. As soon as you touch, everything is going to go up in flames."

Deep down, I knew she was probably right. A casual hello, a chat about a book from time to time — that was all fine and well. But if I let him get close to me again, we'd eventually spark and combust, the way we had a little over three years ago. We could exist in each other's orbit with no problems, but as soon as we got too close, it was all too much.

"I'm going to stay as far away from him as I can. Seeing him every day has been hard, but I've managed to do alright so far," I responded.

Harry came rushing into the room with Sev on his hip and Pansy's hospital bag over his shoulder, halting our conversation. "Hey, Hermione. Are you sure you can manage these two for a couple of days?"

With a nod, I said, "Of course! I did spend time with them when I was staying here. I'm not utterly useless with children."

"Blaise is more than welcome to come and stay with you," he added. "I should've told you earlier."

"I'll text him. I'm sure he'd love to come and spend time with the boys too."

Sev was passed off to me. He smiled and laughed when he saw me and I hugged him close. "Hi, little one. I've missed you."

Wrapping an arm around Pansy, Harry said, "We appreciate this. Ron and Luna were willing to take them, but Luna's—"

"Pregnant and has Stella to look after. Don't even worry about it, Harry. We're all going to be just fine. I'll keep their bedtimes and make sure they're properly fed. Just let me know when the baby gets here," I interrupted. "Seriously, we're good. Get out of here before she has the baby right here. No offense, Pansy, but I don't want to see that."

Pansy chuckled. "Granger, it's my body, and I don't even want to see that happen. They offered me a mirror and I nearly Avada'd them on the spot."

"Is that true?" I asked Harry.

He shrugged. "She doesn't let me in the delivery room. What is it that you always say, Pans?"

"Cast a Muffliato, Granger," Pansy replied, gesturing to Sev. After I did, she continued, "I don't want him to see something the size of a watermelon squeezing out of my cunt. He'll never look at it the same way after."

My eyes widened in shock at her words, though I wasn't sure why. It certainly hadn't been the most vulgar thing she'd ever said.

"Well, thank you for that mental image," I quipped.

Harry rolled his eyes. "She certainly has a way with words, yeah?"

"I'm telling the truth! It's not like I'm exaggerating! The watermelon might be a small one, but it's still a fucking watermelon!"

Laughing, I gave each of them a one-armed hug. "I love you guys, but you're utterly ridiculous." Pansy looked like she was going to protest again, but I stopped her. "Now go push your watermelon out."

"James Sirius!" Pansy shouted and little footsteps made their way towards us.

When he appeared, Harry picked him up and both he and Pansy hugged and kissed their first-born. "We'll see you in a few days, James. Be good for Auntie Mi and Uncle Blaise," Harry said. "Let's trade, Hermione."

I handed over Sev and took James. After saying goodbye to both boys, Pansy was misty-eyed and her hand rested on her belly. "I can't wait to be normal again," she said with a sniffle. "These hormones are absolutely foul."

I set James down and Harry passed Sev back to me before wrapping an arm around Pansy again. "You're fine, love. This is almost a normal state for you at this point," he teased, earning himself a glare and a slap. "Hermione, you can call me if you need anything. I have my phone and the battery should last a few days. I'll let you know if it doesn't."

"Go. We're fine. We won't need anything," I replied, shooing them. "We're going to go upstairs and find something to do, aren't we, boys?"

James clapped his hands enthusiastically and Sev mimicked his older brother.

Turning, I made my way towards the stairs with the boys.

For the first time in weeks, I was genuinely happy and not thinking about Draco or Blaise or the messy emotional state I was in. James and Sev were giving me purpose, and I was content with them.

After work, Blaise stepped through the Floo. I was already seated at the dining table, tearing food into bite-size pieces for Sev and watching James to make sure he actually ate. I'd put mine and Blaise's food under stasis for later on. As soon as he arrived, James wiggled his way out of his booster seat.

"Hey there, James!" Blaise said enthusiastically, lifting him up and shaking him.

"Blaise! He's been eating! You don't want to do that!" I scolded. "He's going to puke all over the place."

Looking chastened, he set James down. "Your Auntie Mi is right. We don't want you getting sick. Sit down and finish dinner and then we'll do something fun."

Once James was settled again, Blaise made his way to me and kissed me lightly. "How have things been going today?"

"Oh, we've had fun. It's been a nice little break from work," I replied with a smile. "I'm glad you're here now, though. These two are little tornadoes when they really get going around the house."

"I'm going to change. I stopped home and grabbed some things. I'll be right back," he said.

I continued overseeing dinner and listening to the little kid chatter. James was talking a mile a minute about the new baby and how he hoped it was a girl. Laughing and interjecting when he'd let me, I just played along. I felt a little worried about how badly he wanted a sister, but there was no reasoning with an almost-three-year-old about something like that.

When Blaise came back downstairs, he was dressed casually in lounge pants and a plain white t-shirt. He looked positively fit and I had to remind myself we had two children to care for. The tasks, like cleaning up dinner and getting the boys ready for bed, didn't stop me from fantasising, though. As confused as my brain seemed to be, my body was completely on board with spending every moment possible in bed with Blaise.

Once James and Sev were tucked in for the night, we headed back down to the kitchen to eat. I set the two plates on the table and sat down across from Blaise. He conjured two glasses and filled them with an Aguamenti.

"So what did you do today?" I asked. "The two little monsters made it hard for me to talk to you earlier."

Smiling, he replied, "I made some headway on Florence. We think that there might be a target that'll be hit over the weekend. I'm going to Portkey there tomorrow morning to talk to their DMLE."

"That's something. I know how frustrating this case has been for you and Mel."

Blaise shrugged. "It's going to wrap up soon. She and Malfoy put a few key things together and now we're almost there. I'll just be glad when I can stop travelling back and forth so much."

Draco.

"Me too," I replied automatically. "I know you haven't been gone overnight, but I do miss you when I'm on my own."

"Oh, is that so?" he asked, and I could hear the innuendo dripping from his voice. "Well, Ms. Granger, I'll have you know that I miss you when I'm on my own too. In fact, I may spend a somewhat unhealthy amount of time thinking about our… reunions."

At his words, the heat bloomed within me again.

"Finish eating. We should make sure the boys stay asleep before we start any of this," I said.

With a smirk, he picked up another bite of food. After he'd swallowed, he kept teasing me. "I like the way you think. I wasn't sure if you'd be on my menu tonight since we're at Potter's house."

"Oh. That hadn't even occurred to me. Maybe we shouldn't—"

He reached across the table and held a finger to my lips. "We'll be quiet so we don't disturb the boys, and we'll make sure to Scourgify any surface we defile."

"Magic is rather useful for that," I said primly.

A couple of hours later, I was down to my knickers and t-shirt, straddling Blaise's hips and kissing him hard. His hands were skimming up and down my inner thighs, never making their way to the apex. I ground against him, my knickers sliding against the fabric of his lounge pants.

"Oh, fuck," he hissed, his hands winding their way around my back. After he unhooked my bra, he thrusted up towards me again. "I need you, Tesoro."

Reaching for his waistband, I pulled it down just enough to expose him and pushed my knickers to the side, gliding along him again. "I don't want to get naked, just in case," I explained. "Are you okay with this?"

In response, he grabbed my hips and guided me down onto his cock. I worked my way down with shallow movements, adjusting to him again. "I'm more than okay with it," he said quietly. "Any way I can have you is fine with me."

I kissed him again, sat up fully, and started to ride him. His hands worked their way under the hem of my t-shirt and slid up to my breasts, his fingers starting to tease my nipples. Soft touches — the friction of his fingertips dancing across them — made me lean into his touch, desperate for more. He eventually gave in, pinching a bit harder and making me moan.

"Quiet," he said. "If you can't be quiet, I'll have to stop."

My eyes popped open and focused on him, on our surroundings. Shifting my hips faster, I bit the inside of my cheek to stifle the next moan of pleasure that had threatened to escape.

"Much better," he praised before releasing my nipples and wrapping his arm around the base of my spine. He pulled me down closer, making me grind against him. "Come for me. We don't have much time."

"What do you mean?" I asked, my voice breathy.

"The kids," he responded. "We don't want to get caught."

Blaise tangled one of his hands in my hair, pulling me down to his lips and increasing his pace. As he moved faster, I did too, and my clit started rubbing against him in just the right way. I gasped, breaking the kiss.

"I've got you," he said, his movements continuing as mine started to stutter. "Kiss me. I'll help you stay quiet."

I was helpless in that moment, unable to resist doing exactly what he said. Somehow, he always knew exactly what I needed, even more so than Draco had. As I thought that, I saw Draco's face in my mind, his blond hair falling across his forehead as he made love to me, his grey eyes watching me as I came. Even though it was wrong, I kissed Blaise harder, spurring him on, and in a matter of seconds, I was crying out into his mouth. I poured every conflicted feeling I had into the sounds, nearly sobbing against his lips.

And he was right behind me, groaning as he thrust into me one final time, completely oblivious to what had just happened in my mind.

I was so thankful he would never try to read my mind.

When I rolled off him, collapsing onto my pillow, he flipped to his side and wrapped an arm around my waist. Nuzzling against my neck, he said, "That was amazing. It might have even been hotter with clothes on."

I forced a laugh out, unable to speak after what had just happened. I wanted distance, not our normal cuddling and pillow talk. I wanted to be on my own to try and figure out why I'd made the comparison when I hadn't in so long.

Blaise kept talking. "It was almost like a glimpse of the future."

That phrase made me look at him. "What?"

"The future, when we have kids. We'll have to be like that instead of how we are now," he said sleepily. "We'll have to learn how to be quiet like that every time."

My heart started racing in my chest, and not in a good way. I was on the verge of panicking and pushing him away. I couldn't make any words come out, but he didn't keep speaking, either. I felt his breaths level out against my neck, his lips just a fraction of an inch away from my skin.

I tried to slow my breathing, to push the overwhelming feelings of betrayal and guilt down. I'd mentally betrayed him and then he'd told me he wanted to have kids with me. I'd thought about another man while I was coming and Blaise only wanted me.

Forever.

Staring at the ceiling, I waited for him to turn away, to roll to the opposite side like he often did right after dozing off. I was still panicking, the emotions coursing through me at warp speed.

Halfway through the night, Sev woke up and wouldn't settle down again. I carried him back to our bed, holding him tight against my chest.

"Do you want to sleep here with me, love?" I whispered. "I know your mum won't like it, but we don't have to tell her."

He nodded and I climbed back into bed. Blaise's eyes fluttered open for a minute and he looked at me with Sev. A smile crossed his face, and I knew he was picturing the future again. Hell, I was nearly picturing it because he'd brought it up.

Except it scared the shit out of me. I wasn't smiling about it, even though I knew I should be. This is what I had wanted, part of why I had Obliviated Draco in the first place. I wanted my own family, complete with a man who was only mine and fully devoted to me.

So why did it scare me so much when Blaise said he wanted to give me that?

I tried to focus on Sev, rubbing his little back and calming him down. After a few minutes, he was sleeping soundly. I slowly shifted around, trying to get comfortable again so I could get a few hours of sleep. No matter what I did, I couldn't seem to find the right position.

"Put him down in the middle," Blaise suggested, his voice deep with sleep. "That way he can't fall off. We're both light enough sleepers that we'll wake if he tries to get up."

I carefully laid Sev down between us and he stayed asleep, gravitating towards me slowly. I rolled onto my side and faced Blaise. His eyes met mine and I smiled, trying to reassure him.

"I know I freaked you out," he whispered. "I'm sorry. I just — I thought…" A sigh escaped him. "I thought that's where this was heading."

I knew I had to say something. "I just wasn't expecting you to bring it up quite like that," I said, avoiding the major problem. "It's not that I don't want it. Just… not quite yet."

"Well, obviously," he replied, his tone teasing. "I do want you all to myself for a bit longer."

I smiled again, but this time it was genuine. "That sounds good to me."

A sharp tapping sound woke me in the morning. When I opened my eyes, I saw that both James and Sev were between us in the bed. James' forehead was against Blaise's shoulder, and my heart melted the tiniest bit.

Getting up from the bed carefully, I walked over to the window, unlatching it and letting the owl in. Harry had sent a short note, his untidy scrawl taking up most of the small piece of parchment.

It's a girl. Lily Potter, middle name is a point of contention at the moment, born just before midnight. Pansy is obviously doing well since she's fighting with me, though she said her 'baby factory has been shut the fuck down'. Hope the boys weren't too much trouble. We'll be home tomorrow.

As I read the note, my smile grew wider and wider. I was so happy for Harry and Pansy. Their family was complete, and I had another child to love on. I couldn't wait to meet little Lily.

"Blaise?" I said quietly. His eyes fluttered open slowly, settling on James when he realised I wasn't the one snuggled against him. He smiled and threw an arm over him.

"Morning, Tesoro. When did he get here?"

"I really don't know," I admitted. "Harry owled. They have a little girl and Pansy is already telling him she's done having babies now."

He grinned at me. "That's wonderful. I'm happy for them."

"You need to get up if you're going to work. It's nearly eight," I said.

"Come back to bed and snuggle with us," he replied. "I have some time. My Portkey isn't until eleven and I brought everything home with me."

I pursed my lips, knowing I shouldn't give in, that I should go downstairs and start making breakfast for the boys.

Blaise pouted at me, reaching over and settling a hand on Sev's back. "I'll stay here with them either way, but I'd rather we're all together."

Laughing, I set Harry's note down on the bedside table and got back under the covers. I gently moved Sev closer to James and leaned over both boys, meeting Blaise halfway and kissing him softly. "Okay. Just a few more minutes."

By Wednesday, I was back at work, and Blaise was in Italy for the second time in a week. With Harry gone, most people looked to me as a point person. Though I wasn't an Auror, I was still viewed as Harry's second in command. I didn't know if it was because I was another member of the Golden Trio or if Harry had told people to come to me.

I'd spent the morning giving direction on cases I wasn't entirely familiar with, speed reading and trying to find the answers each person needed, and I was more than a little frustrated. My own work sat on my desk, completely untouched, and I closed my eyes, bringing my fingers to my temples and rubbing at the tension I felt. When that didn't help, I braced my elbows on my desk and rested my forehead in my palms.

When there was a knock on my door, I didn't look up; I didn't want to see another Auror for the rest of the day. I sighed and said, "Come in."

"Everything okay, Granger?"

That voice, so deep and masculine and full of concern, was so ingrained in my memories. It came from the Draco that loved me and nearly broke me. I couldn't do this right now.

"Just a busy, stressful morning," I said, still not looking at him. I knew there were tears in my eyes. "What can I help you with, Malfoy?"

There was silence for a few seconds and then I heard my door close. When I glanced up, he was still there, leaning against my door. I felt my lips part, a protest trying to form, but he shook his head.

"Take a breath, Granger," he said. "Take ten minutes to collect yourself. You can fall apart in front of me. I won't tell anyone."

I hadn't been ready to completely fall apart until he'd said that, a phrase he'd said to me at the start of this whole mess.

The tears spilled from my eyes and I looked away, wiping at them. He didn't move or say anything, but I felt his eyes on me. His gaze still gave me goosebumps, somehow feeling different than anyone else's. Taking a deep breath, I asked, "Why are you in here?"

"I… It's been a long time since I've said hello to you," Draco said. "You're always with Blaise, and I remember how he was my first day back. I didn't want to cause you any problems."

I felt one of the wounds on my heart start reopening; he sounded so uncertain, the same way he had the first time he'd come to my office after his honeymoon.

I forced myself to respond. "It's fine. You wouldn't have."

"What do you need, Granger?" he asked. "You're wound so tight right now. How can I help?"

I stared at him blankly. "I… Distract me. Tell me something. Anything."

"Okay, I can do that. I took Scorpius to Flourish and Blotts over the weekend. He loves it when I read to him," Draco said, his eyes still surveying me, gauging my reaction.

I closed my eyes, blinking the tears back.

Scorpius. He's spending his weekends with his son, just like I wanted him to. Everything is working out the way I wanted it to.

"I read to James and Sev when I'm at Harry's house," I managed. "What are Scorpius' favourites?"

"Granger…"

I looked at him. "Please. Tell me. I want to hear about S-Scorpius."

"He loves anything about animals. The one I bought over the weekend was about a niffler." He paused for a moment. "His favourite is one about a little dragon named Norbert, though."

I laughed and wiped at my eyes. "You know who wrote that, right?"

Shaking his head, Draco replied, "I've no idea. I didn't look at the author."

"He's not listed, but it was Hagrid. Well, actually, it was Luna who did the writing, but Hagrid told her the story. Don't you remember Norbert from first year?"

I saw him think back. "You're fucking kidding me. He really did have a dragon?"

"He did," I confirmed. "And the night we all got detention, we'd handed him off to some dragon keepers on their way to see Ron's brother."

After a moment, he smiled and I couldn't breathe. I hadn't expected to see that look on his face ever again. He was so fucking open, the way he used to be with me. I immediately raised my guard, shuttering my mind.

"Wow, Granger. You were a dragon smuggler at age twelve and then you actually rode one at eighteen," he teased. "What on earth will you do next?"

"I'm living a much quieter life now, thank you very much," I said primly, sticking to banter to force the feelings in my chest down. "So, isn't that a bit egotistical? Draco buying dragon books?"

Chuckling, he said, "Maybe. I've always loved dragons. Most children in the magical world grow up reading about them."

"Makes sense."

Again, I felt his eyes running over me, likely taking in my sudden change. I hoped he would leave soon so I could let the charade drop and try to get myself back in order before Blaise got back.

"Okay, you seem better, but not completely. Do you want to get out of here for a little while? Go to lunch or something?"

What the fuck?

"I don't think that's a good idea," I replied.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Hermione Granger does not seem like the kind of witch who stays away from blokes just because she's got a jealous boyfriend."

My name on his lips. And I'd said his.

"It's not because of Blaise. I need to be here since Harry isn't. Haven't you seen the people parading in and out of my office all day?"

Draco nodded. "Of course. That's why you're so stressed. People normally leave you be?"

"Mostly, other than the few Aurors I'm working directly with. Haven't you noticed?" I asked.

A pink tinge rose to his cheeks, and I knew that he had noticed, which meant he'd been watching my office. Which meant he'd seen Blaise coming and going, closing the door and giving us privacy…

Meeting my eyes, he said, "Even you have to eat, Granger. Surely they won't miss you for half an hour. We can just eat in the cafeteria."

I shook my head. "Thank you, but it's really not a good time."

Shoulders slumping, he turned the doorknob and pulled the door open. "Alright. I guess I'll see you around then."

"Close the door?" I asked.

With a sad smile, he did, and I had just enough time to throw up a Silencing Charm before I started sobbing uncontrollably.

Author's Note: Guys, I cannot contain how excited I am to post next week's chapter. If BreathOfThePhoenix wouldn't murder me in my sleep, I'd do it right now.

Thank you all so much for sticking with me to this point! I know it's been a long journey!