Reliability

By: Aviantei

3—Within Proximity

Sometimes, in the presence of night, the world doesn't look so different.

In the end, it wasn't just the Rakuzan High School Basketball Club that proved to be impossible to join. Not sure what else to do, Megumi wandered about the more than substantial sports area, looking at the others. At the time, her thoughts were considering if joining a sports club could possibly give her a starting point in conversation with Akashi. However, just looking at the other clubs from afar brought her to the same sort of conclusion.

None of the other sports teams could generate the same level of intensity that the basketball club had done, or at least Megumi had already adapted to what being in that sort of presence was like. Still, each of the clubs gave off their own competitive vibe that Megumi knew she couldn't stand being a part of, mainly because her own competitive endeavors were few and far between.

It didn't help that she knew almost nothing about how to participate in sports. Even being ranked as one of the lowest members, Megumi knew she probably couldn't take any level of intensity of training, and trying to match up with her peers would only result in exhaustion, which would make her grades drop as a result. As it was, the issue of joining a sports club was closed on that day, leaving Megumi to walk home without the smallest inclination of what she was going to do about Yamada-sensei's challenge.

"I mean, I guess it's good that I at least decided what I'm not going to do, but that doesn't help much," she muttered, paying more attention to the orange tinted sky than the sidewalk. "I still don't know what I'm going to do, plus how can I even talk to any club members? Ahh, Akashi was a total jerk but I at least could work up the courage to talk to him. What am I gonna do…?"

It was simple, even if Megumi hated the conclusion. Taking a deep breath, Megumi resigned herself to the fact that making friends with Akashi just wasn't realistically obtainable.

The next day wasn't filled with much progress, either. Megumi had to reset her resolve several times throughout the evening and school day as she headed towards the cultural clubs' building on the other end of the school. She did her best to walk past rooms without looking too interested, making her way through the first floor. With each listed activity—literary club, calligraphy club, computer research society—Megumi remembered why she hadn't really joined any clubs, even back in elementary school.

It was more than the thought of interacting with other people, which she could get over with if she tried, or at least the minimum amount required for standard interaction. As it was, Megumi hadn't developed any special talents or interests, usually just studying or doing the things her family members were interested in. By the time she made it to high school, Megumi had come to the conclusion that the only thing she could do well was analyze patterns in information and make conclusions with them—a good critical thinking skill that worked for homework and tests, but not much else.

Well, it is the sort of skill that can be applied to almost anything, but it doesn't help much if you don't have an idea to apply it to. If I even had the slightest form of an interest, this would be a lot easier, but I really don't know…

Megumi took her time to go up the stairs before making it to the second floor. She didn't want to rush, but she definitely wanted this to be over with. As such, she took a neutral pace between too fast and too slow and walked down the hall, pausing to read the signs outside of each of the club room's, hoping that something might sound the tiniest bit interesting.

Nothing did, though. Megumi's curiosity was almost dampened, and even if something did spark, it definitely wouldn't catch. It had never occurred to her before, but now that she was face to face with it, it was obvious that Megumi had probably intentionally kept herself from forming interests of her own because she wouldn't have known what to do with them.

Megumi stopped walking and closed her eyes. I need to get over this. Anything's fine, as long as it's something. I can always change my mind later. Just as long as there's something I can stay out of Yamada-sensei's office and maybe even find something I like. But if I don't try, I won't even know.

Come on, Megumi, get it together!

"Hey, are you interested in the Go Club?"

Megumi jumped, her palm slapping against a nearby window in an attempt to steady herself. Now standing in front of her was a girl that hadn't been there before, dark hair spilling over her shoulders. Megumi managed to catch herself before she started stuttering, nothing escaping her mouth.

She should have expected this to happen. Part of her had been prepared for it. Walking around the vicinity of clubs without an aim would produce the conclusion that one was looking for a club, either to join or to find someone else. The fact that this girl had concluded the former made Megumi wonder if she happened to project a vibe that signaled she didn't have any friends.

If so, then I'm more depressing than I thought…

"Oh, am I wrong?" the girl asked. "You were just standing outside for a while, so I just thought…" The girl's eyebrows drooped, giving a sad slant to her eyes. Megumi hadn't found the right words to say yet. There was something about suddenly being interrupted from her personal world that made interacting with the outside one much more difficult. "Oh, sorry, are you shy? I can introduce you if you like."

"No!" Megumi protested. Things were moving too fast. Even if this was the end goal, she needed to stall for time to get her thoughts straight. The girl tilted her head in confusion. "Ah, that is, the only strategy based game I know the rules to Shogi, so…"

Megumi had hoped that would be enough to dislodge the Go girl's interest, but in the end the latter's eyes lit up with even more recognition before. It was the sort of expression that showed that an idea was brewing behind the surface and in one's thoughts, and Megumi flinched back a bit.

"I can introduce you to the Shogi Club, then!" the Go girl announced with the same amount of enthusiasm as before. Megumi's inner panic only intensified, preventing her from opening her mouth. The last thing she wanted to do was play Shogi with other people, especially if they had something even close to the same competitive atmosphere as the sports clubs had.

And who the hell just goes ahead and assumes that because someone knows the rules they want to join?!

Megumi would have given anything to be able to refuse. However, the same sort of force keeping her mouth shut prevented her from even shaking her head. At this rate, she was going to end up joining the Shogi Club whether she liked it or not, and while that would effectively complete her end of the deal with Yamada-sensei, Megumi was certain she'd be better off dead.

"Okay, just gimme a minute and I'll get someone," the Go girl continued, turning and walking down the hallway at an even pace. She cupped one of her hands around her mouth, forming an impromptu megaphone with her fingers. "Oi! Kenta, come here!"

Megumi managed a sharp intake of breath, a shudder running down from her shoulders. At this rate, she was going to have the whole hallway staring at her, then she wouldn't even be able to work up the courage to join any of the cultural clubs out of fear for passing other students and getting recognized for making a scene. The whole scenario was too much.

So Megumi turned and ran.

It hadn't been an intentional act, but by the time Megumi had made it to the bottom of the stairs, she kept it up. She tightened her grip on her school bag and ran for it, gathering more than a few stares of students straggling about the entrance and courtyard. She didn't care anymore. She just needed to get out of there.

She kept running until she tripped on an uneven part of the sidewalk, scraping her hand against the concrete. It wasn't too bad, but it was enough to break her concentration, and Megumi came to a stop, staring at the small amount of blood on her palm. None of it trickled, just stayed in stagnant place, barely bothering to even move outside of her skin. Scowling, Megumi closed her palm into a fist, the resulting sting barely registering.

"…That was pathetic."

The following day Megumi entered the club building with bandages wrapped around one hand, her bag in the other, and headed straight for the top floor. It would probably be at least a week before she could go back to the second floor without getting dragged back into the Shogi/Go recruitment efforts, and by then it would be past the deadline.

Really, it was better to just play it safe.

Walking through the other available floors, though, Megumi couldn't find anything to do. In the end, each club seemed to be absolutely serious about their activities, like it was a passion for them even if was something simple. For someone like Megumi to join out of an outside obligation other than a genuine interest would only be disrespectful to those who were giving it their all. No matter what sort of consequences she would endure in Yamada-sensei's presence, Megumi just couldn't do it.

She walked home that day, slower than usual. Beforehand, her thoughts had always been of things like what she would eat to dinner, what chores needed to be taken care of, and how she was going to tackle her homework assignments that evening. She hadn't had much need for anything else in her life in middle school, and moving really hadn't changed much.

Man, how come I can't do anything? You would think that after fifteen years I would at least know what I want to do. I don't even know if I want to make friends anymore. I know I should, but that doesn't mean I want to. In fact, I don't think I want anything anymore.

Would crying help? I don't feel like I need to, but it's really all I can think of…

It was a stupid idea and Megumi knew it. At this point, though, she didn't know what else to do. She tried to think of things that had made her cry before, but it didn't happen. The last time she had cried was near the end of middle school. Already, there was enough difference between the Kaizuto Megumi of then and the one in the present that such a chasm had formed in her feelings.

So then why do I feel like I haven't gotten anywhere at all?

Megumi went directly home the next two days, and spent Sunday eating the leftovers from an excess of groceries purchased the previous afternoon. She normally took every precaution to make every last yen count when budgeting, but she had gone a bit overboard. While what little allowance her mother sent her could easily cover living expenses, it didn't do much else. And since Megumi didn't have any interests outside of her schoolwork, this hadn't been much of a problem.

Sunday evening, though, she desperately wished she had something else to do. It was too early to go to bed without disrupting her sleeping patterns, and she had completed all of her homework. Her cellphone was an outdated model without any games, and she didn't have any friends she could contact with conversation.

To make matters worse, the next day was Monday.

Megumi leaned onto her table, head propped up on her arms, and stared out the window. "What do I do?" she said. "Tomorrow's the deadline and I haven't even come close to getting into a club. The only person I talked to was Gobu-san, and then I ran away from her. At this rate, Yamada-sensei better just tell the school board to kick me out because I'm useless."

The sky outside was between the last traces of orange and dark blue before blackness. Megumi couldn't see much of it from her low-level apartment, but she could see enough to talk to. There weren't any clouds out, either, and Megumi tried to make herself relax.

The tension she had been carrying for almost a week didn't so much as budge in the amount of pressure it was applying her shoulders.

"I know, I know." Everything Megumi was saying was a contradiction to what she had wanted to do, but that was always the kind of person she had been. "But I can't even keep up the standards I wanted for myself. They weren't anything big, either. I won't say that moving was a mistake but it definitely wasn't anything useful. The place is different, but I'm still the same old piece of trash."

You're not even worth wasting time on.

Megumi laughed, burying her eyes into her sleeves. She didn't have an urge to cry, but she didn't have the urge to smile, either. Her laugh was completely neutral, not working for or against her. It just was, almost as empty as the way Megumi felt, except her own existence was definitely more towards the negative spectrum.

"Hey, do you think Akashi ever had a problem with figuring out what he wanted to do?" Megumi said, sitting back up. She could see the beginnings of her reflection in the window pane, fuzzy and without real definition. "I doubt he did. I bet he just glanced at the world and said 'This is what I'm going to do' and he tried out for the basketball club with no trouble at all and managed to make it in with skill and passion."

The sky only got darker by the minute. Megumi wanted to fall over, to lie there without a care. She wanted to go to the school rooftop and press her back against the concrete and see nothing but blues and oranges and watch until there was nothing but black and light poisoning erased stars. She wanted the moon to not exist and let the sky speak for itself. She settled for her linoleum floor and closed her eyes to avoid staring into the room's singular light bulb.

"I wanna be like that," she muttered. It wasn't the first time she had thought such things, but it was the first time she had had the courage to say it out loud. "I wanna know. I wanna stand up. I wanna be able to stare at something and be able to know that it's what I want and I wanna run for it."

It was nothing more than a simple dream, but it was all that Megumi really had. Until this point in her life, there hadn't been anything else for her. She could only work for finding something to work for, no matter how pathetic that made her.

I'm not gonna get anything done at this rate. Megumi stood up and pushed her table to the side of the room, trading it out for her futon. Once the blankets were laid out, the girl turned out the light and lied down on her side, hands working on pulling out her ponytail and securing the band around her wrist.

The ambient light from the streets trickled in to Megumi's window, the sunset completely faded by now. Still, she stared at the sky, not even bothering to close her eyes. She probably couldn't sleep as she tried, so there wasn't any point. There was just less of a point in wasting electricity and pretending like she was going to accomplish something within a few hours.

"Alright, no giving up…" she agreed, just barely managing to let her voice out. "If I give up, it's really all over. Even if I end up getting put through the ringer by Yamada-sensei, I gotta go for it. There's just one more day, so I should be able to find a club to take me in…"

Megumi wasn't sure just where she would go, so that made it harder to plan out. Still, it was something. She tried to separate out what clubs would have opportunities and which one she knew she wouldn't stand a chance in. It was difficult because she didn't have as much data as she would have liked to have collected, but that was her own fault. She could make necessary adjustments as needed tomorrow. Now, she just needed the courage to go and do it.

Excuse me, I was interested in joining your club. The words became a mantra, repeating as she considered other questions to be ready for. She prepared their answers, and imagined herself saying them. The visual would be reality if she just pushed herself a bit, and then, maybe, she could be a bit closer to leaving the shadow of her old self behind.

As she settled into the familiar patterns of evaluating information, Megumi finally felt more relaxed. It would take a lot of effort on her part, but it was still possible. She was perfectly willing to do whatever it took to make her world change, no matter how slowly progress would end up being. That was the kind of life that Kaizuto Megumi had chosen. However, amidst her usual patterns of thoughts were two elements, not serving as distractions, but more so as influences, one of them being the resonance of the basketball club.

The other one was the not completely abandoned thought of Akashi.

Hooray for properly timed updates! (What is time management anyways? I seriously don't know.)

Thanks to Dante96 and Cosmic Colors for your follows! I seriously appreciate it, and I hope you enjoy the update!

Well, I think this chapter covers the basic exposition for the story. Things will start rolling next chapter!

...even though I don't know the release date of it yet. Still, I hope you look forward to it!

4—Gymnasium

The sun, without any hindrance, shines down even here sometimes

[POST] 091615