As soon as I returned from Falmouth, I found Blaise in my office, sitting in a chair in front of my desk. He was sulking, a frown spanning his face. The minute I stepped through the door, he looked up at me expectantly.

Before I'd left, I told him that I needed to finish this case with Draco without his interference. I reminded him of who I was — of who the world thought I was— and explained that I wouldn't suddenly let a man start controlling my life. Of course, I'd been met with stony silence and a sharp nod of his head.

I saw things from his perspective, as well. He was worried that I would fall back into old patterns with Draco, but I told myself I wouldn't. I couldn't let it happen.

Draco had been so earnest when he'd enquired about my parents, about why I hadn't asked him to continue helping, and I had nearly burst into tears. I had to scramble and make something up on the spot; Lucius and Astoria seemed like the natural scapegoats. After I'd thrown Blaise in there as well, his confusion about Blaise's attitude had been evident.

I'd touched his hand, stared into his eyes, and I'd started to breathe the same way he was, the way I always used to. My body was so attuned to his that it just happened automatically. It was natural for our hearts to beat to the same rhythm, for our lungs to share the air between us, inhaling and exhaling at the same time.

And then I thought about the way Draco had wrapped an arm around my shoulders and squeezed me while we were walking, the way I'd leaned into him and savoured it.

Would I really have a choice in the matter? Or would the old patterns just emerge on their own?

Realising I'd been standing there lost in my own thoughts, I glanced over at Blaise. He was visibly upset, looking more disheveled than I'd ever seen him in the office.

"Are you okay?" I asked, even though he clearly wasn't.

"Hermione, this is killing me," he replied. "Watching you walk out the door with him… I don't know if I can do it, even for work."

My heart seized in my chest. I stepped in front of his chair so we were facing each other and set my hands on his shoulders. "Listen, I am invested in this case, Blaise. He actually does need my help, and I know you know that. And I know this is hard for you, but you and I are together. I don't want to start things with him again. You know that."

"Tesoro, I know you loved him and that we started things up quickly. I know you probably needed more time. I just… I can't forget what you two were like together, and it's completely different from the way you and I are—"

I leaned down and kissed him, interrupting his rambling, and he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

When he broke the kiss, he looked up into my eyes and I could see his anguish, the way that I was hurting him. "Let's go home and talk about this privately," I said. "There's a lot to discuss, and I really don't think this is the best place for it."

"To mine?" he asked.

Nodding, I moved to the other side of my desk, collecting all my things so I could bring them with us. "We're at yours nine times out of ten, Blaise. Of course that's home."

He smiled, rising to his feet. "Good. When we get home, I'll Floo call Sara for some takeaway? I'm sure she wouldn't mind popping it over to us."

"That sounds good. Whatever she wants to send is fine with me," I replied, linking my arm with his and heading for the door.

He pulled me closer and slung his arm around my shoulders — the same way Draco had earlier — and I felt myself making comparisons again. Draco was taller and his arm fully enveloped me. Blaise smelled amazing, like the cologne he favoured, and radiated heat that warmed me, that made me want to melt into him.

In my head, I tried to tell myself there was only one comparison that really mattered.

Draco was married and Blaise only wanted me.

Even if it was clear that Draco was still drawn to me, I'd end up right back where I was if I didn't stay away from him. That much was obvious.

I resolved to finish this potioneer case with him and then make some changes in my life.

When we got home, I changed into pyjamas and settled myself on the sofa while Blaise took care of arranging dinner for us. As soon as he saw me tucked into the corner, a blanket covering my legs, he smiled.

"Want anything? Tea? Water?"

I shook my head. "Not yet, but you should join me," I said, patting the cushion beside me.

He sat next to me and pulled my legs over his lap. "So how did today go?"

Shrugging, I started talking, telling him about everything Draco and I had discussed.

"So he knows there was at least some type of relationship between you before?" he asked after hearing about the book Draco had picked up.

"He does, though he seems to think he was just helping me with my parents," I replied, running a hand through my hair. "I can't believe he even remembered that I Obliviated them. There was one story in The Daily Prophet right after the war. It didn't give a lot of detail."

My anxiety was flaring up; thinking about Draco and what else he could possibly find out was something that made me feel sick to my stomach. I'd been hiding so much for so long, keeping him closed out of my life, and now it was all coming back to bite me. The feelings I'd suppressed, the memories I'd tried so hard to bury in the back of my mind…

Blaise's hands massaged my calves in the way I adored, drawing my attention back to him.

"He's always had a thing for you. I'm sure he remembers a lot more than you actually know," Blaise said, his tone a bit surly. "I mean, he likely won't admit it, but you've always been his ideal."

I knew this already; Draco had told me many times that he'd always wanted me. Blaise underestimated the amount of open conversation there had been between us over the course of the affair.

"But, regardless of all that, how did he act? How did he treat you?"

I sighed. "He was upset that I didn't tell him we were friends before the accident. Other than that, he seemed fine with everything. It wasn't exactly comfortable, so I tried to move things along to the best of my ability."

"Oh, Tesoro, I'm so sorry," he began. "I'm sorry I've been making this more difficult for you. I promise that I'll try to be better."

"And I promise you that I'll keep things professional with him. It's going to be awkward if he keeps asking questions and trying to go back to being friends, but I won't cross that line," I stated.

There were other words dancing in my mind, words that I'd not yet said to him. I knew he needed to hear them, that he wanted me to finally say them.

And I knew I felt them.

I loved Blaise, but I still couldn't make myself say it aloud. I had no idea why, but the idea of putting it all out there just terrified me, like there was no coming back from it. Once I told him, my fate would be sealed. He'd likely start shopping for a ring and dreaming about all the little Zabinis he wanted to have.

I still wasn't ready for that.

"So what's the plan for tomorrow?" he asked, pulling me from my thoughts and squashing the potential 'I love you' that lingered on my tongue.

"Well, Draco has a book he picked up. One on Irani rune translations. We were going to go through that and try to figure out the modifications," I explained.

I heard Blaise swallow, his throat likely thickening with unsaid words. He was holding back his feelings on the matter to keep me happy.

"Okay. Did you find any leads in Falmouth today?"

"Maybe," I began. "We're not really sure yet. We found a marking beside a door, but it was just Jera. It wasn't anything unique. Draco thinks it may be something because many potions are brewed in cycles."

"Do you think it would really be that simple?"

"It could be. Sometimes the simplest things can be overlooked, especially if you want them to be." I thought for a moment. "I think the answer is likely in Falmouth somewhere, even if it's not necessarily the building we came across today. That one witness account seemed pretty reliable, and the dates and times match up."

"I'm assuming you're sending someone there to watch the place tomorrow?" Blaise asked.

Nodding, I replied, "Yeah. It has to be someone who's good at spotting Disillusionment Charms and anomalies that Invisibility Cloaks can cause."

"I'll go," he offered. "I'm free now that Italy's done with, and then I won't be tempted to keep checking in on you and Draco all day."

Slowly, I scooted closer to him, and he lifted me up into his lap, kissing me softly.

"I'm trying, Hermione," he whispered. "If it was anyone but him, I swear I wouldn't be like this. I don't want to lose you."

"And I don't want to lose you," I admitted.

Those words were easy to say since they were absolutely true. I didn't want to lose Blaise. Over the past three years, he'd become a huge part of my life, taking care of me when no one else realised I was suffering.

Shifting, I straddled his hips and pressed my lips to his. His hands slid up the back of my shirt, rubbing along my spine. When he used his fingernails instead, I shivered.

"How much time do we have?" I asked.

He smirked. "At least an hour."

"I can work with that," I said, grinding my core against him.

His hands dropped to my arse, gripping it tightly as he stood. "Let's go to the bedroom just in case Sara's early."

"Sounds like a plan," I murmured, my lips falling on his neck.

Sex definitely wasn't the answer to our problems, but it certainly helped us reconnect, helped me focus on him and forget Draco for a little while.

The next morning, all hell broke loose.

While I was in the shower, The Daily Prophet arrived, the same way it did every single day. However, today, Blaise decided to open it before work, rather than waiting until the evening to read through it.

As soon as I walked into the kitchen, I noticed his scowl. He was looking down at the paper and I asked, "What are you reading?"

His head snapped up and he narrowed his eyes at me. "What the fuck is this?" he asked, gesturing to the paper.

My hackles rose immediately and I quickly moved to the table, looking down at the paper. When I saw what he was upset about, I sucked in a breath.

Draco and I had been followed yesterday, and we hadn't even realised it.

In the centre of the page, there was a wizarding photo taken at the exact moment Draco had looped his arm around my shoulders and squeezed me tight. There were a few smaller ones, as well — one taken when I'd stopped in front of the building marked with the Jera rune, another when I'd stumbled and he caught me, my eyes darting to his lips while he held me.

I felt myself tremble, tears filling my eyes and blurring the room.

"Yeah, stunned silence was my initial reaction," Blaise said, interrupting my thoughts. "Why is he touching you, Hermione? And how is it possible that you didn't even notice someone was following you?"

"Blaise, this isn't what it looks like—"

"It is!" he shouted, losing his temper. He pointed to the picture where I was looking at Draco's lips. "I've seen that look on your face a hundred fucking times, Hermione. You wanted to kiss him! Or you wanted him to kiss you because then you could blame it all on him!"

I grabbed his arm and he yanked it away. "Please, Blaise, let me explain—"

"No," he snapped. "What haven't I done for you? What does he have that I don't?"

"Nothing!" I cried. "It was nothing! Old habits, or memories, or something. I told you what we talked about at lunch. It was on my mind—"

"It's always on your mind! You've been changing since before he even came back to work. Do you think I'm stupid and haven't noticed?"

Something inside of me finally snapped. I got angry, feeling the fire that had been absent from my life for well over a year now. "You knew this wouldn't be easy for me!" I snarled. "Of course I've been different! I'm so fucking scared that he's going to realise what I've done to him that I can barely even think straight."

"For Salazar's sake, Granger—"

"Don't fucking call me that!"

"Why? You let Draco call you Granger. You let Pansy call you Granger. Why am I any different?"

"Because you've never called me Granger until Draco came back to work, Zabini! Do you think you haven't changed at all since he's been back?" I asked rhetorically. "Because you have! You smother me. You're so worried that I'm going to slip back into old patterns that it's all I can think about!"

Blaise rose and crossed his arms over his chest. "It's hard not to worry when you look at him like a lovesick sixth year! I might as well call you Lavender Brown."

I didn't bother responding, not wanting to continue the argument that was going nowhere. I walked past him and into the kitchen, grabbing my handbag off the counter and moving towards the Floo. He caught my arm and spun me around.

"We need to talk!"

I shook my head. "Absolutely not. We need to get to work."

"So you can see him?" he questioned, his voice low and dangerous.

Since I was feeling particularly nasty, I said, "Yes. That's exactly why. I need to get to work so we have time to fuck—"

Blaise cut me off by crashing his lips against mine and I pushed him away.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I snarled, wiping at my mouth. "I do not want to kiss you! You're not the man I fell for, not when you treat me like this."

His face fell and he saw the angry tears filling my eyes.

"Hermione, I'm—"

Shaking my head, I interrupted him. "Don't you dare, Blaise. I don't want to hear your fake apologies, not now."

"Tesoro—"

I scoffed and yanked my arm away. "Honestly, do you think some silly little pet name is going to fix everything you just said?"

"Everything that I said? What about the things that you've done? You're spending time with—"

"I've been working with him! Not spending time with him!"

He looked down at me. "It's both, and I don't like it. It's not good for you, Hermione. It's not good for us. We were happy before he came back."

Swallowing hard, I thought about what Blaise was saying. We had been happy before — or I thought we had been. Since April, I'd been hiding things — encounters, emotions, my thoughts — and it was likely causing Blaise's jealousy.

"That doesn't make your behaviour right," I said quietly. "The way you just attacked me…"

"I love you, Hermione. I've told you over and over again. Do you even realise you've not said it back to me once?" When my lips moved to speak, he held his hand up. "Don't you dare say it now or make excuses. I just need you to know where I'm coming from. I love you. I've been there for you whenever you've needed me, and I can feel you slipping away. I don't want to lose you."

"You're pushing me away," I told him, even though I knew I was doing the same. "You say you love me, but you don't trust me. You apologise and then you fly off the handle. You're mad that I'm working a case with Draco, but it's my job."

Blaise just stared, not knowing how to handle me.

"I'm going to work. I'm going to stay at my house for a few days, and I need you to give me space," I stated. "Please just give me the time I need to sort my thoughts out."

"Hermione, please don't do this," he pleaded. "Don't run from what this is. We're good together."

"I'm not running. I'm taking one step back. I think we both need it."

He looked like he wanted to say more, but I didn't give him the chance. Quickly, I turned towards the Floo and left his flat, the image of his watery eyes burned into my brain.

When I walked into the department alone, Draco's eyes followed me in confusion. Immediately closing the door, I threw my handbag down and slumped in my chair.

I'd not even had coffee that morning, and I could feel a headache coming on. Pressing my fingers into my temples, I massaged myself, desperately trying to forget that I'd just started my day with an argument I'd never expected to have with Blaise. And, on top of that, the whole wizarding world — including Lucius and Astoria — would see the photos in the newspaper.

Feeling certain everything was about to come crashing down on me, I struggled to calm myself. I was on the verge of a breakdown now that my anger had started to fade. As I took deep breaths, I prayed that Blaise would be rational and do what I'd asked him to. If I sent him out to Falmouth, he'd be gone most of the day and that would give me time to process what had happened this morning.

An hour later, there was a knock on my door and I wasn't surprised when Draco walked in. He looked almost as frustrated as I felt.

"Granger, who are we sending to Falmouth?" he asked.

I looked up at him and noticed his attire. He was wearing Muggle clothing again, the way he had before. His shirtsleeves were rolled up to his elbows and his trousers sat lower on his hips. The grey shirt he was wearing nearly matched the color of his eyes, and I was almost certain that I'd bought it for him years ago.

"Blaise actually offered to go," I said, forcing words out of my mouth. I was still upset with him, but he was suited for this task. "I mentioned last night that we'd need someone who was good at spotting Disillusionment Charms and Invisibility Cloaks, and he definitely fits that bill."

Scowling, he said, "What? Is your pillow talk normally about work?"

My hands automatically went to my hips since I was still on edge from my argument with Blaise. "No, but our dinner conversation often involves what we did all day, especially when we've been apart for most of it. It's what normal couples do. Do you not have that with your wife?"

He didn't take the bait. "And you trust him to handle this properly?"

"Of course I do!" I snapped. "Why wouldn't I?"

"If you haven't noticed, he really doesn't like me, and this is my case," Draco stated.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Seriously? Do you honestly think Blaise would just let someone get away with a crime just to spite you?"

"It's pretty obvious he doesn't want me around."

Just then, Mel joined us. "Good morning," she greeted with a smile. "Blaise said he's going to Falmouth to stake out the potential location. Is it okay if I go with him, Hermione?"

Looking from her to Draco, I replied, "Absolutely. I'm sure that Draco trusts you and Blaise to handle things on that end."

Draco smiled at her, turning on the charm. "I'd love it if you were still involved. You can be my eyes and ears on the ground, Mel."

"Great," she said. "I'll put a field kit together. You're not coming, Draco?"

He shook his head. "No. Granger and I were apparently spotted there yesterday, and I don't want it to seem like more than it was. It'll be better to send new faces there today."

With a nod, she turned and walked out of my office. Immediately, Draco started talking again. "I wouldn't have agreed to this if she wasn't going. She doesn't like the way Blaise has been acting since I've been back — especially in regards to you."

I could hear his anger and his brow was creased.

"Why are you in such a bad mood this morning, Malfoy?" I asked, trying to redirect his focus.

He scoffed. "As soon as your boyfriend walked through the doors, he pulled me out of the department. Don't act like you don't know about it, Granger." Meeting my eyes, he continued, "If you didn't want me around, you should've just told me yourself. I don't know why you needed him to do it for you."

"I didn't," I began, his words making no sense. "I told him… It doesn't matter, actually. He was mad about the picture in the paper this morning. I never would've asked him to talk to you, Draco."

He shoved his hands in his pockets. "I don't know what to believe when it comes to you. Honestly, I'm just lost whenever I try to think of you."

Feeling my emotions rising to the surface again, I tried to steady my breathing. "I… I know Astoria is going to be upset with you when she sees that photo, so I'm sorry in advance."

Draco made eye contact with me. "Why, Granger? Why would us walking through Falmouth working on a case upset her?"

We were in dangerous territory, and I knew it. I turned my head, unable to look him in the eyes when I lied again.

"She hates me," I responded. "She has said things to me… And I don't know if they're true or not, but she hates me. I don't think it'll be any better now that I'm with Blaise."

I heard him stepping closer, moving towards me like I was a skittish animal. When he reached out and grabbed my shoulder, he said, "Look at me."

With a deep breath, I turned back to him.

"I don't care if she hates you. We work together. We were friends before. It doesn't… Now that I know, it doesn't feel right to act like there was nothing there."

He was breaking me. My insides were in knots, my heart was racing, and I wanted to confess everything I'd done. I wanted him to hate me so that I wouldn't have to endure this type of conversation on a regular basis.

I wanted him to know how horrible we'd been to each other, how horrible we'd been for each other.

This magnetic pull between us hadn't faded, and I could feel it trying to draw us back in. I couldn't let it.

"Books and a few lunches, Draco. And you felt guilty, so you were trying to help me with my parents' memories. I… You shouldn't upset your wife on my account," I said quietly. "I want you to be happy."

When his face froze, I thought he was remembering something again, but there was no way he could've been. He released me and took a step back. I could still feel the imprint of his fingertips on my skin, the warmth that he'd left behind quickly fading into nothing. "You know, Blaise said you'd say that, Granger. You want me to be happy. It struck me as odd, though."

Why would he…?

"But it seems he knows you well," he finished, a tone of bitterness lacing his voice. "You know, I would've been ecstatic to be your friend when we were younger, but apparently you've never felt the same."

"Draco—"

"Just don't. If you want to keep lying to me — and lying to yourself — to keep Blaise happy, that's fine. I don't need you in my life if you're not the person I thought you were," he said, moving towards my door.

As much as I wanted to call out to him, to make him come back and talk to me, I knew I couldn't.

This was for the best.

He had a son and a wife.

I had Blaise.

He didn't know what we were missing.

He wasn't living with the memory of me, not really.