.

Chapter Seventeen

.

There I was, leaning against a tree and minding my own business as Pakkun triple-checked our bags of groceries. "We can get the treats now," he commanded.

I froze, forgetting to put my other hand under the paper sack of oranges I was holding.

"What is it?" Pakkun said impatiently. He sniffed and checked the perimeter. "I don't see anything threatening."

The oranges took the moment to break through the thin paper and tumble all over the road. I squawked. Pakkun shook his head but helped me stuff them in with the eggs, instead. "There. Now let's go to the pet shop before it closes."

I glanced at the small fleet of bags and shook my head in despair. "We have a lot of bags. Why don't you stay here and guard everything? I know which brands you like most. It'll only take a minute."

He curled up in one of the emptier bags like the lazy guard dog he was, and I trotted off. But I was too slow.

Itachi had been walking along the street with Sasuke. Perhaps they were running an errand for their mother. Perhaps Itachi had a mission, instead. Whatever the case, his eyes met mine a split second before I escaped into the crowd. He smiled—a sweet smile. A sweet smile of revenge.

"Do you want to hear another tip?" he asked Sasuke, sounding exactly like a perfect, caring older brother. "Watch out for girls with bloody hair, Sasuke-kun. They have the worst tempers."

I. Now, wait. What kind of. Okay, this meant war.

Unfortunately, I'd already ducked into a corner, henged into my new enemy, and ended up at a . . . dango stand, of all places, before the more sensible part of my brain kicked in. We had a plan! it growled. Three steps to becoming a better person, and look where that went.

"Can I help you, sir?" the man behind the counter asked.

I can't believe this. "Ah, yes," I said, trying my best to ignore the conversation the two Uchiha boys were having behind my back. "Do you offer deliveries?"

His face went to money-making mode. "Are you thinking one-time or regular shipments? We offer medium and large packages for both, but small is only available for regular shipments. One-time packages can half down or paid in full, but shipments—"

Meanwhile, Itachi was still talking. "I've been assigned to the village for the next few weeks, by the way." Sasuke expressed an appropriate amount of glee. "I was fortunate not to be assigned out of the village, unlike some—"

I forced myself back to my business deal, listening to the prices and comparing them to what remained of Daddy's wallet. "I'll take your largest one-time delivery. Can you bring it to the Uchiha compound tomorrow evening at seven?"

"Sure thing," the dango man replied, counting the money I gave him. "What flavors would you like? And is there anyone specific you want it sent to? We can write a note if you want."

The satisfaction in Itachi's voice as he reminded me that he was practically unsupervised was not human. "Strawberry;" I said, "all of it. Address it to Uchiha Itachi, but there's no need for a note."

"Sure thing. Have a nice day, Uchiha-san."

"You, too."

"Hm," Itachi said in the back of my head, "I recognize that nin-dog. I wonder what he's doing by himself?"

And to think that just this morning, I'd been complaining about Daddy's nitpicking. Sic 'em, Pakkun! The dog in question was already snoring. Let sleeping nin-dogs lie. That works.

Buying a bag of dog treats took considerably less time than arranging for a box of dango (perhaps because I didn't have to stay in character once I dropped the henge). That didn't stop Itachi from enjoying his little field day of revenge. "Hello, Pakkun-san."

"I think it's asleep," Sasuke stage-whispered.

Pakkun snorted, and I'd like to imagine he cracked open an eye. This would have sent a blush sparkling across the younger Uchiha's cheeks as he skittered behind his brother. "Do you need something, Itachi-kun?"

"I could not help but notice that you appear to be alone. Has there been a problem?"

"No," the small dog replied in his succinct, gruff way. "Kana-chan will be back in a minute."

"Kato-kun is not with the two of you?" He sounded genuinely surprised, a sentiment I hadn't thought I'd hear from him. "Well, then," he said a few seconds later. "Please allow my brother Sasuke and me to help you carry your groceries."

Say no, Pakkun, or I'll disown you.

"If you want," the dog said lazily.

I considered bypassing them and heading home. That would end up with my being tracked down, though, and while I might be good at hiding, it wasn't a situation that would end up well. I couldn't risk my relationship with Pakkun. Or what remained of it, since he was disowned and all.

"I'm ready, Pakkun-san," I reported, walking into the kill zone and eyeing the additional acquaintances with a hint of surprise. The surprise people have when coincidences happen, not the kind Itachi had had. "Hi, Itachi-san, Sasuke-san."

Itachi bore down on me with the vindictive fury of a thousand clueless smiles. "You two know each other?" He glanced between me and the other one, noting the gradual spark of recognition.

"Yes," I countered sweetly, "Sasuke-san walked with me to the clan compound." Thank you, Kiyomi, for inviting me home. I win, Itachi.

At this statement, the other Academy student's face flushed brighter than my hair. I looked at him curiously. Was he disagreeing? We hadn't been alone that day, but—Oh. Aw, I'm sorry, Sasuke. Didn't mean to embarrass you.

"I see," said Itachi, even as his brother marked me an enemy for life. "That was very considerate of him." No, "considerate" would have been walking me to my home, not theirs. Not that I wanted that. Ew.

"That's what I thought," I agreed.

Pakkun yawned impatiently. "Are we taking these home or not?"

I really wanted Itachi to disappear before I had to bring myself to thank him and his brother, but that was not how things worked out. Instead, I collapsed on the couch the moment I escaped into the house and informed the world that that was it—I was done with shopping and all other outdoor pursuits.

As if, my brain cut in snidely. You'll be out again tomorrow to buy the rest of Pakkun's bribe and talk to Isami. And probably fight off more of Itachi's fangirls.

Wait. Did we just send him dango? Dango with a negative message, but still. Didn't it cost an arm and a leg? "This isn't what I signed up for," I whined into the couch cushions. No more presents. No more walking. My sealmaking budget will thank me.

We found a container of strawberry dango on our doorstep two mornings after, tied with a pink bow. Kato thought that Anko might have left it, since it wasn't a large box like Sparrow would have left. Well, at least I knew that it was fresh.

And tempting as it was, I resisted the urge to give my Itachi henge a few extra pounds. He didn't need any more ammunition.

We both had plenty already.

.

One of Itachi's stalkers was actually a very clever, personable young lady I had met as Suzume. I'd intended to make up a new persona to befriend her with, but I was supposed to be downsizing my crowd of aliases. Upping the list of contacts? That couldn't be a problem. Besides, she was a friend of Isami's. Who was I to turn down a lunch invitation when Isami wanted me to meet a new person?

"So, your family's caravan was attacked by bandits?" I pressed, snagging one of the complementary veggies the waiter had placed on our table. I was the only one eating them, and we'd need more soon.

"No," Megumi said, eyes alight, "we found out that we'd practically run over a genin team on its first mission out of the village. The genin attacked us before their commander had time to call them off. Of course, my brother's never going to live that day down. He spent the entire trip telling us how he was an almighty chūnin."

"And your family spent the latter part of it rubbing that in his face?"

Megumi laughed and took a sip of her green tea-flavored milk. "Why stop there?"

"Suzu-chan," Isami said, bringing all attention to me, "why don't you tell us a story from when you were a genin?"

"I'd have to think of one," I said truthfully. "You could tell her about that exploding kunai shipment in the meantime."

Isami began regaling and I began thinking up a story. Training? E-rank? D-rank? Maybe I could use one of the days with the genin babysitters for inspiration.

Yes, I decided as Isami breathed in and our acquaintance's chopsticks scraped idly across the table and a heart faltered somewhere in the foregr—shoot, it was Itachi's heart. Making my ears bleed since the first day I'd heard it. No questions of a disease here, no sir.

Included in the list of obvious things was the way Itachi was headed straight towards us. So much for being careful not to henge around birds or anyone recognizable, I griped. But then, he's probably seen Suzume before, and I know he knows what my chakra looks like. To be fair, he knew a lot about me by now. Itachi was the sort of person who picks up on personalities very quickly.

And I think he knew just how much I valued my privacy, because I can't think of anything I would have hated more than his waltzing up to our table and hovering at the edge of the conversation.

"Oh, hi, Sadao-kun," Megumi said to Itachi (who was henged. I guess he knew who his stalkers were), sporting a grin that looked clinically unstable. "We were just talking about that one escort mission you insisted on guarding everyone for."

Be still, my beating heart. He might not be here to taunt us. Surely stranger things have happened.

"Ah, I see you are misrepresenting me again. It is kind of you to be so reliable." Itachi-Sadao glanced around the table. "How about you introduce me to your charming friends, sister dearest?"

I thought nice, peaceful thoughts, not bitter ones about Sadao's Itachi-like personality. I'm making a fangirl. And she's going to tell the other girls all of your secrets, like what time you get up in the morning and how much you like kids. Or maybe I'll make an ANBU and gossip about your habit of watching Sasuke. And promptly get killed by the other ANBU.

No henging into ANBU, ever. Moving on from that deathtrap. "It's nice to meet you, Sadao-kun," I said once Isami had finished rambling about how much less awkward it was when customers had names. "And yes, she's always like that."

Isami kicked me under the table, blushing, and I had my answer for why she had never asked this particular customer for his name. I could see why, I supposed—he had the same witty, sarcastic air as all her previous crushes. Unlike them, though, he was a ninja. Since Isami was historically afraid of ninjas, this was a major step.

Scat, Itachi. This is the wrong person for you to to be. Itachi, perceptive soul that he was, took the hint and backed off. "Well, it was pleasant to meet both of you, but I am afraid I have to finish beating the rest of my team into the ground, now." He ruffled Megumi's hair and walked out.

Megumi snickered. Isami trembled. "Suzu-chan," Isami whispered.

I flicked her arm. "Relax. You'll get to talk to him later."

She shook her head violently. "I don't think so!"

Megumi raised an eyebrow at our mutual friend. "Wait, my brother? The one with the ego as big as the Hokage Mountain?" She snorted. "Well, to each his own, I guess."

I patted Isami on the arm again and stood up. "I'm sorry to leave you guys, but I promised my mother I'd set up a few E-ranks for her before evening. I'll share one of my stories next time, okay?"

"Don't forget to add the proximity modifications," Isami said. As if I would forget something we'd talked about.

Megumi blinked. "Yeah, what she said. See you!"

I considered walking up to Itachi and impaling his stomach with my fist, but he had left when I'd asked, and I was pretty certain that he, of all people, wouldn't henge into Isami's crush on purpose.

"I apologize," Itachi said as soon as I could see his undisguised self. "I did not realize that your friend has an attachment to Sadao-san. I should not have used him. I should have risked using someone I was less familiar with."

Ugh, there went all my vengeful thoughts. I exhaled, puffing out my cheeks in a way no one else from here did. "No, it's fine. She'll stick her foot in her mouth when she sees him again, but that's nothing new. It's what makes her herself."

"All the same."

I smiled at him. "It's fine, Itachi, really." My heart literally skipped a beat. "San. Sorry. Whoops."

His lips twitched. "You have no need to apologize, Suzume. Some people are naturally less formal than others. There is no need to fight one's own personality." There had to be a jab in there somewhere.

I glanced away from the Uchiha's face and frowned at all the people milling down the street. We weren't in a private place. I could see two of Suzume's ninja admirers from where I stood. They were watching us.

Itachi followed my gaze. "Do you know those genin?"

"Well, I know that they are going to be entering the next Chūnin Exams. They fight over who's going to win it. I haven't figured out why they keep telling me."

His eyes narrowed, and for a second my mental laughter almost overcame my prejudice against him. I cared for Isami's feelings. Itachi cared about a little girl too young to know what romantic feelings were. Although really, if I knew that Isami liked Sadao, those boys liking me wouldn't be a tough connection. He should have figured that out.

Itachi stepped closer to me. "Perhaps we should leave them to themselves, then."

"Sure," I said, not seeing what difference it would make.

The fact that Itachi and Suzume had taken a walk together and no longer used honorifics did not occur to me until much later. I decided that he'd only done it as a favor to Suzume. Except nothing short of a death threat would keep those boys away. Suzume's being friendly with another boy wouldn't scare them off.

They never talked to me again.

Perhaps it was better not to wonder why.

.

"Um," I said, which was really all I could say when presented with a henge of myself. "Um."

My face smiled, eyes disappearing into a familiar expression of wild abandon. "What?" said Itachi-me. "Surely you, of all people, do not mind."

I stared at the identical face, wondering if my own shock and annoyance were quite as easy to spot as his triumph was. "Of course not," I agreed, and henged into Itachi instead of Suzume.

"What I mind," I said, "is the fact that you have made your hair a little too long. And I think the angle of the ponytail is off. And my toenails are a bit shorter right now, and my shoes have a hole from nearly stepping on a kunai last week. It makes my steps a bit uneven."

"Forgive me," my voice said dryly. I wondered if he'd caught the jab about his hair. I mean, comment. A completely autonomous comment.

I smirked. "Daddy wouldn't!"

I had the distinct, individual privilege of watching myself shudder at something Itachi would never say. He recovered quickly. "Are you saying that I should tell Sasuke-san that you are an impostor?"

Itachi got to watch himself groan, but my displeasure was nothing compared to Sasuke's when the younger boy saw "Kana." Did I really smirk that much? I'd have to work on that.

Hey, stop making me talk to him!

This is payback, isn't it.

.

The strange thing about Mikoto was the quiet, omniscient air she held. I shied away from it whenever she was out in public, but ever since the first day I'd gotten too close to the clan housing, I'd felt like she was on to me.

Was she just asking her son to slice vegetables? Or was she slowly befriending a little girl who definitely had no mother-figure to be taught recipes by, instead? I would have assumed the latter if it weren't for the comments about how much she'd missed her son's help in the kitchen (one would almost imagine that a certain son didn't enjoy cooking).

Mikoto was magnetic to me. She was the calm control to Yoshino's assertiveness, and if I'd had to pick a mother. . . . Well. Once I'd been in that house, it was hard to stay away. Itachi always seemed to know when I was being him, too, so I didn't have to worry about discrepancies. If he wanted me to leave, he could send one of his talking crows. Maybe having something to do would stop them from laughing whenever they saw me. "Caw-ha-ha," as they said.

Not obvious at all.

But none of that mattered now, because I was currently trying to sneak out the back door and make a break for it.

"Hello, Dear," Mikoto said to the man walking in the front door. "You're home early."

"Where is everyone?" Fugaku asked.

Shoot. There went my chance. He'd notice if any doors opened now. Perhaps a window? "Sasuke is practicing late at the Academy," Mikoto said. "Itachi taught him a new technique yesterday."

Fugaku grunted. "Good."

No fair; that's more than I've heard from my father in weeks. He keeps writing letters in code to Kato, but all I get is "behave" and "do your running." He knows too much.

Fugaku walked into the room as I debated my father's sources of information. "Itachi," he acknowledged.

I looked into the stern (but caring, deep down) eyes of Sasuke and Itachi's father and all I could think of was the way Daddy's Sharingan looked when someone threatened his kids. It was not a look I wanted to see replicated.

For the first time ever, I realized what people meant by the expression "my heart jumped into my throat." The sensation was closer to being strangled, but still. For the first time since my first henge, I was distractedly nervous. "Father," I said respectfully. It was amazing how much this man intimidated me.

Ten seconds of wordless staring later, the older Uchiha found a conversation topic. "Is Sasuke effective at the new technique?"

I'd stay out of the house, too, if this were a typical interaction with my father. "Did your brother do his exercises?" Daddy would say if he were like this. And later, talking to Kato, the only discussion would be about me. A lose-lose scenario for anyone but the most perceptive of kids. "He is improving rapidly," I said.

A grunt.

Yeah, I was never talking to this guy again.

Mikoto walked into the room, wiping dripping hands on her apron. "Itachi, why don't you go call your brother home for supper?"

"Remind him to practice at the clan training grounds," Fugaku supplied helpfully.

Mikoto went back into the kitchen. I resisted the urge to rub my temples. "Sure." And then the heart in my throat had a heart attack as I realized that Itachi would not say "sure." In fact, no one in this world would say the English word "sure." The Japanese language used hai to acknowledge commands.

The heart in my throat died. He's going to murder me. This is it.

The police chief's eyes narrowed. "I beg your pardon?"

"My apologies, Father. I was distracted by my thoughts."

He regarded me for a minute, probably deciding whether to flay or dismember me. "I see." He could do both with a little creativity. After all, chakra made people resilient. Why else would Naruto have so much of it?

"Don't dawdle, Itachi," reprimanded the only person in this scenario who didn't want to kill me right now. And she wasn't me.

Easy for you to say, I thought . . . but instead of slitting my throat, Fugaku actually patted me on the arm as I walked by. Don't hold your breath, I told myself morosely, but mere seconds later I was outside and leaving the Uchiha compound. What in the world?

"What in the world was that?" Fugaku asked his wife once I was safely out of their earshot. "I trust you, Mikoto, but we both know that wasn't our son."

I couldn't move.

"Yes, Dear. Our son made a friend."

"Our oldest son? That didn't feel like an Uchiha's chakra."

Mikoto dipped a pan into the soapy water. "She's not an Uchiha. She's one of Sasuke's younger classmates."

"That's extremely young for a physical henge. Does she come from a specialized clan?"

My experience with Mikoto told me that she was hiding a smile. "Her father is Hatake Kakashi, Dear."

In fact, it felt like the ground was moving beneath me.

"One of those children?" No blinded comments about a stolen Sharingan. Hurtful, really. Daddy's opinion wasn't quite as current as I'd thought. "She must have been the daughter who spent the night with one of our Academy students. Hatake wanted free reign for an ANBU guard that night. He should train his children to protect themselves."

A rag dragged through the soapy bubbles. "I daresay he has. You saw that his daughter can sustain a beautiful henge. If it weren't for the difference of chakra, I wouldn't have suspected her to be an impostor. Meeting you must have intimidated her."

Fugaku snorted. "I've seen less-intimidated corpses. All the same, I don't want her trying to hunt down Sasuke."

"This has been going on for some time, Dear. She will find Sasuke just as quickly as Itachi would and bring him home. Itachi trusts her with him. She is a kindhearted child."

"All the same."

I found my motivation and ran before Fugaku could catch me eavesdropping. Naturally, he kept talking to his wife . . . and it didn't take very long for me to pull a diagnostic seal out of my pouch and figure out that Fugaku's affectionate little tap had planted a tracking array on my arm. It took even less time to use my chakra to test the array's sensitivity (apparently teachers only share useful information during their lunch breaks) and keep jogging.

I dropped the henge before squirming over the fence to find Sasuke. And no, I wasn't jealous of the fact that most of his shuriken were embedded in the target. "Hey," I said warily. "A nice Uchiha lady asked me to come and tell you that you're wanted at home. Bye!" I darted off before he could use me for target practice.

I thought it was kind of odd that the tracking array was still on my arm. Huh. Rabbit trail.

Kato greeted me with a blinding grin as I walked in the front door. He was waving two slips of paper. "Daddy should be home in an hour!"

As usual, Kato's note was covered in a short epistle while mine was the length of a cheap telegram. Kato laughed at my glare. "You have to apply chakra first, silly."

I prodded my note suspiciously, and several lines of writing appeared. "Hey, Kana," the note read. "I want us to talk about henging when I get back. There are several elemental techniques that might be beneficial."

I moaned. He was going to come home. And Fugaku knew. Was there any way to do damage control? Well, there was one way to appease him.

"Let's make supper."

"But we don't know how to cook!"

"You know your way around knives. I know a few recipes. We've both spent plenty of time in this kitchen."

My brother's eyes gleamed. "Can we make bacon?"

.

.

~Said every chapter ever: Welcome. You will write one scene that comes easily. This scene will be just under half the length of the chapter. The rest of the chapter will come as easily as breathing underwater. Did I mention that this chapter is one of the longer ones? Well, I just did.

The dango man interchanges with "The Candy Man" pretty well. Also, anyone in need of a laugh is laughingly pointed to the direction of a song called "The Government Can." A Google search will find it (a video) easily.

The poll is hilarious to watch! Most of you I can agree with, I think. We'll see what happens. But assuming for a moment that the Massacre doesn't happen . . . would you want to be under the authority of the guy who was responsible for half of the things in this chapter? I kind of hope not. I mean, you'd have to be pretty cruel. And you're probably one of those people who asks about romance and other silly things. Heh, heh.

Thanks to darkhairedbabe for betaing, and, shall we say, making this chapter . . . beta understood.

If you've never read my other SI fic, it's called "The Eyes Have It" and heavily features Itachi. I need to go through and check its formatting again, I think. And keep working on future chapters.

Instead of hitting me because of that awful pun about betas, why don't you hit the review button—ahem. I believe I have another chapter to write. Please excuse me.