Reliability

By: Aviantei

11—Within Proximity IV

Ferocious winds have left the sky in upheaval

Choukou looked like a hurricane. Her voice was calm, but it had that dangerous edge to it, one that promised retribution if the answer wasn't the correct one. Megumi hadn't seen anyone look so intimidating in their summer uniform since her older sister had graduated high school.

"I didn't," Higuchi started, but the narrowing of Choukou's eyes caused him to adjust his answer. "Not on purpose anyway. Can you help her?"

"I'd like to." Choukou's expression softened, and she stepped closer to Megumi with all the care of a tightrope walker. That caution was all that kept Megumi from flinching back. "Me-chan, what do you need right now? Do you want me to take you to the bathroom?" She lifted a hand, deliberate and slow, palm faced up. When Megumi realized it was gesture of help, not of punishment, she nodded and took Choukou's hand. Higuchi was left at the table.

Megumi's legs tottered a bit, and once they realized she was in motion, she all but ran to the bathroom. Choukou's hand squeezed hers in reassurance, and a wave of shame crashed into Megumi. She hadn't broken down in a few months. What did she do wrong?

"Me-chan?" Choukou asked. Her voice was at a whisper, but filled with nothing but concern and love. How wasn't she disgusted? "What happened? Is he in the Basketball Club with you?" Megumi nodded, pressing her shoulder into the cold bathroom wall. Goosebumps lined her arms, nothing but pale skin. "Did you have an anxiety attack? I could get your drink for you?"

So that had been her guess. Megumi pressed a hand to her forehead. Her breathing had evened out somewhat, but the desire to run away hadn't died down in the slightest. "It's not…anxiety. Well, sometimes but—" She was so out of practice talking to anyone about her mental health that she wasn't sure where to start. It didn't help that her condition wasn't as well known. It didn't help that she was afraid if she admitted it then Choukou wouldn't want anything to do with her anymore. "Promise you won't hate me?"

"Of course not," Choukou said without hesitation. Her usual honesty made it believable enough that Megumi could accept it. "You're my friend no matter what, Megumi. It doesn't matter if you think different from others. I promise I'll accept it."

That was enough to bring up a fresh well of tears, but Megumi didn't feel sad. She'd never cried from such an intense relief, not even when she'd been accepted into Rakuzan. Choukou moved like she wanted to give Megumi a hug, but stopped short of making any sudden movements. Kenta may have criticized his cousin for lacking self-control, but she could do it when it counted. Megumi wiped her eyes with her free hand and moved so her back pressed against the bathroom wall, forcing herself to look in Choukou's eyes.

"A-Avoidant Personality Disorder," Megumi said. She hated the way the name fell from her mouth, an awkward, clunky thing. Choukou's brow furrowed in unrecognition. "Sometimes it acts like anxiety, but my big problem is that I'm bad at social interaction and forming lasting relationships." Choukou gave Megumi's hand another reassuring squeeze, and it sent an unfamiliar pulse of warmth through her heart. "People scare me. You and Kenta-senpai scare me sometimes."

"I'm sorry," Chouko said.

"What do you have to be sorry about? I'm the one who can't keep my head in check!" Her voice echoed off the bathroom walls. Megumi clutched at her uniform ribbon, feeling the pressure against the back of her neck. "I went through counseling. I'm supposed to be better. Not panicking that everyone's going to hate me over nothing." Having the diagnosis was supposed to have made her feel better. If anything, it had just made everything she worried about get worse.

Choukou let go of Megumi's hand, frowning. There it was. Not even a few weeks of being friendship and Choukou was already sick of her. It'd be impressive as a new record if it weren't so pathetic.

"Megumi, I don't know where you got the idea that you need to fix everything right away." As if reading Megumi's mind, Choukou planted herself in front of the doorway, preventing an escape. "But I promise you it's okay. Mental disorders don't just disappear. You can learn how to handle yourself better, but no one's going to hate you if you don't pull off some miracle cure. And if they do, they're ignorant and I'll kick their ass for you!"

"You don't have to—"

Choukou pouted, draining the comeback from Megumi's throat. "You're right, I don't have to," Choukou said. "But I'm your friend, Me-chan, so I want to. I wanna help you, even if it's just a little. And if that means I have to fight for you, I will." She opened up her arms, offering a hug. Hesitant, Megumi stepped forward, letting Choukou's arms wrap around her. Choukou was soft, and her lip gloss smelled like peaches. "It doesn't matter what disorder you have, I'll be your friend so long as you want me around. And I know Kenta feels the same way."

Megumi had run out of tears by that point. But she buried her face in Choukou's shoulder anyway.

Contrary to Megumi's expectations, Higuchi hadn't abandoned the restaurant at the first opportunity. He still looked awkward, but he'd managed to eat through his meal and had started writing in a notebook. Megumi's own tray was untouched, and a pang of hunger pushed its way into her stomach. Somewhere in Choukou's reassurances, Megumi had regained her appetite.

Choukou waited for Megumi to sit, then plopped herself into the booth as well. Higuchi's eyes darted between them, unsure of whom he was supposed to be addressing. In the end, his line of sight fell somewhere on the wall between them. Considering Megumi was having a hard time even watching him through her bangs, she couldn't blame his lack of eye contact.

"Is everything alright?" Higuchi asked. His voice didn't carry the same amount of concern that Choukou could employ, but it wasn't disgust, either. Holding a relationship with him, even if it was just a professional one, wasn't a lost cause. "If I stepped over a line, Kaizuto-san, I apologize."

"N-no, I apologize for causing trouble." Choukou sighed, but Megumi was glad she was able to talk. It almost didn't matter what words spilled out of her mouth. "I'm glad you were honest with me, but I'd have rather told you myself."

"But since you know, we can't do anything about it," Choukou said, nudging Megumi's tray closer to her. Megumi took the hint and started unwrapping her lukewarm chicken sandwich. "I think common courtesy includes a little bit of consideration for that knowledge, don't you think?" Higuchi put down his pencil and gave Choukou his attention. "Yoshida Choukou, class 1-B. Sorry for the rocky first impression, Senpai, but I think you can understand my concern for my friend." Though she was playing casual, it wasn't quite up to her bubbly standard. Megumi took a large bite of her sandwich in hopes that it would quell the unease building in her stomach.

"Higuchi Shōta, class 3-A. I'm the manager of the Boys' Basketball Club, but Kaizuto-san might have mentioned it." Megumi nodded as she chewed, but Higuchi didn't pressure her to speak further. "I'll admit I don't know much about Kaizuto-san's condition other than the name and some basics. I'd like to be able to help if I can."

Choukou nodded, seeming satisfied enough with the result. "Well, Me-chan's the one that can tell us best about that." She smiled at Megumi. "Are you feeling up to that? Remember, you don't have to push yourself."

Megumi swallowed her mouthful of fries, brushing her hands off on a napkin. "It's okay, I feel better now," she said. She had gotten comfortable enough with Choukou that the other girl's presence was assuring, and Higuchi was being open enough. It didn't seem as scary as it did on a normal basis. Megumi stared out the window, but she still spoke. "Like I was trying to say before, if I have a bad experience it makes it much harder for me to feel alright with others. I think I might've pushed myself too hard to compensate, so things just built up…"

"I see what you're talking about," Higuchi said. She could sense the question he didn't ask, the one about Akashi's involvement. Whether he was trying to avoid another incident or just didn't want to broach the topic in front of Choukou, Megumi couldn't tell. "In that case, if you can, I'd like to know when you're approaching your limit. We may push ourselves to succeed, but part of success is knowing when enough is enough and giving yourself time to rest. Understood?"

Choukou's eyes narrowed a bit, still on the defensive. Megumi nodded, though, not wanting any sort of scuffle to break out over something so simple. "I'll try my best, but it can be very hard to admit that something like that's wrong." Higuchi sighed, and Megumi's chest tightened a bit. He didn't try to argue against it, though. "Um, Higuchi-senpai, I know that Coach knows about my condition, but…"

"As far as I can tell, no one else knows." Megumi sank into the cushions in relief. Akashi disapproved of her enough. He didn't need another reason to doubt in Megumi's capacity to serve, no matter how right that impression was.

"And I assume you're not going to tell anyone without permission, right?" Choukou asked, arms crossed over her chest. Her legs were crossed beneath the table, her leg bouncing enough that her tennis shoe almost bumped into Megumi's thigh. "Me-chan's health is her business and hers alone."

Higuchi nodded his agreement. "I've made one mistake in digging where it doesn't concern me, I'm not going to make it worse."

At last, Choukou's full-fledged smile came into place, brighter than even the fluorescent lights above. She clapped her hands together. "Good. Now, I assume this get-together wasn't just to make Me-chan freak out. You two on a date or something?"

"Choukou-san!" Megumi protested, almost choking on the last bite of her sandwich. She fumbled for her cup, taking in desperate gulps through her straw.

"This is a tutoring session, nothing more," Higuchi said. He looked back to his stacked up notes. "Speaking of which, are you still feeling up for this, Kaizuto-san? I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to just head home for the day. We can pick up after practice on Saturday if you need to."

Megumi shook her head hard enough to send her ponytail flying in all directions. "I can handle it. I don't want to waste your time, Senpai." Choukou gave her a sideways look. "Really, I'll be okay. I want to learn this and I'm not getting anywhere on my own. So, please." She bowed the best she could without face-planting into the table.

There was silence for a few moments, and Megumi didn't dare look up. She focused on taking short, even breaths, just to regain what little internal balance she could. Choukou's presence somehow made it easier.

Choukou clapped her hands together. "Well, you heard Me-chan, Senpai." She hopped to her feet, digging inside her bag. When she emerged, she held a pastel colored wallet with several sheep printed on it. "I wanna see what she's getting into at club, so I'll stick around for a bit. I'll be back after I grab some munchies!" Then she zipped off at a pace that left no room for doubt that she'd been in the track club.

"She's a handful," Higuchi said, though the exasperation in his voice didn't quite make it to his face. "Either way, I hope she doesn't provide too much of a distraction." Megumi finished wiping off her hands and set aside her tray to make room for her own notes. "Okay, we covered the basics already, let's talk about the match you guys had on Tuesday…"

The time approaching the Inter-High went faster than Megumi had expected.

Club meetings became a blur of intense sessions and practice games, and by the end of it she couldn't even remember just where she'd traveled to on any day of the week. While Rakuzan held onto the tenant that their victory was assured, it didn't make them lazy. If anything, the pride of their past record pushed every single member harder, even those on the lower strings that wouldn't be playing.

Free time further became an illusion as the classwork load picked up to accommodate for the approaching exams. Choukou and Kenta sent regular mails (Choukou asked for any and all details of how Megumi was doing, Kenta focused on other matters, like the shogi club's successful budget submission for new boards), but meeting up in person was harder to make happen. In some ways, Megumi was grateful, because she didn't think she could handle any of the social interaction on top of everything else she was juggling.

So when Yamada-sensei caught Megumi as she was packing up on Friday afternoon, the only emotion left to feel over the situation was exasperation.

"Sorry to impose like this, Kaizuto-san," Yamada said as they navigated the throng of exiting students. Over the chatter, Yamada's high heels still sent an imposing click through the halls. "I would've liked to talk to you next week, but I know you'll be out of school because of the tournament schedule. We haven't gotten the chance to talk in a while, though, so I did want to catch up with you."

"It's fine," Megumi said, even though it wasn't fine at all. These sorts of impromptu encounters were the exact sort of thing that put her on edge. She'd already blocked out her time for the day and everything. Dodging around a student who seemed to be rushing back to his classroom for something he forgot, Megumi gripped onto her bag's handle. "I know you're busy, too, Sensei."

Couldn't you get busy enough that you don't have time to waste on me anymore?

"I do appreciate it." Yamada opened the door to her office and didn't say any more until they were inside. Before Megumi could say otherwise, the counselor was already preparing a fresh batch of tea. Megumi settled in and waited for a few minutes, trying to think of answers to Yamada's possible questions in advance. "Alright, here we go." Two teacups were placed on the desk with a rattle, and Yamada sunk into her own chair with her friendly smile in place. "How have you been doing, Kaizuto-san?"

"I'm fine," Megumi said, her own smile feeling as forced as it was. "You, Sensei?"

"I'm well, thanks. But I wanna hear about you." Yamada picked up her cup of tea, blowing steam away from the top. "It seems like you've been keeping busy with the Basketball Club. How are you feeling about going to Inter-High?"

If she were to be honest, Megumi felt way out of place, no matter what kind of preparation Higuchi had been giving her. His awareness had helped, but Megumi still felt the pressure to get up to standard. "Well, everyone's been working hard, so I'm sure we'll be fine. I have no doubt that we'll be successful." The constant speeches from Shirogane had imprinted that mentality. Yamada took a drink, leaving a mark of lipstick across the rim of her teacup. She didn't push for a more focused answer, but Megumi could tell she wasn't getting out of here without talking about herself. "I'm a bit nervous about being around so many people. Even if Higuchi-senpai is going to be the one on the bench, it's bound to be a big crowd, isn't it?"

"Yes, the final tournament rounds do tend to attract a lot of attention." Yamada spun her teacup in her hands, not once spilling a drop. Not wanting to be rude, Megumi picked up her own cup, but couldn't bring herself to take a drink. "You should be seated with your teammates, though. There's enough of you that it should keep you in familiar territory, even with the crowd."

"That's kind of what's been keeping me from freaking out about it." In the end, she didn't have to do much, other than help load everyone in, keep track of the members, and watch the game. Her actual presence wasn't going to amount to much in the long run, but she needed to be present so she could learn. "Higuchi-senpai's been helping me out, too, so it shouldn't be too bad."

Yamada nodded, her eyes flicking to the ceiling. "Yes, the lead manager. He's a hard worker, so I'm sure you two get along, yes?" Well enough. Megumi nodded, then took a hasty drink of her tea to keep Yamada from reading any uncertainty in her expression. The warmth that permeated through the teacup to her fingers was enough to scald Megumi's throat on the way down. "And you're still getting along with the Yoshida cousins?" Considering how long it had been since Megumi had met with the counselor, she was surprised Yamada remembered their names.

"Yes, we're still friends." It was strange to think of holding onto a relationship with someone else for so long, let alone a proper friendship. Even so, it felt more nice than strange. Overall, her near breakdown aside, she was doing well. Much better than she'd expected for herself. "I actually feel good about myself. Is that weird?"

Yamada shook her head, nails tapping against the sides of her teacup. "No, Kaizuto-san, that's what we want to hear." Megumi's smile became a bit less forced. Even if she hadn't told Yamada everything, the positive feedback still helped. "I just wanted to see how you were doing, and you seem to be fine. So if there's nothing else you want to talk about, we can cut this short, though my doors are open anytime, okay?"

Megumi nodded, putting down her half-drunk tea before gathering her things. "Thank you, Yamada-sensei. If you don't mind, I'd like to get going so I can study."

"Not at all. Good luck with Inter-High, Kaizuto-san!"

But Megumi had already snatched up her bag and left the room.

[Author's Notes]

Psychology is a very near and dear subject to me, so I try to portray any conditions with as much accuracy as I can. I've done my best with portraying Megumi's APD while still trying to keep in mind that individuals are affected by the same disorders differently. If I ever go out of my area of knowledge, I'm open to any due criticism that comes from that (haha).

With that out of the way, thanks to Kira494 and jigookunooujo for the follows this past week! Hopefully the story continues to be worth your time and attention!

That being said, this chapter kind of ended up being about support systems in a way. Megumi's starting to learn how to rely on others, but she isn't quite to trusting everyone she can yet. Choukou, Higuchi, and Yamada-sensei are all putting in their own sort of effort. Now it's just a question of how Megumi's effort ties into theirs.

And with this, the lead up to the Inter High is complete! The foundational scene for this story is actually a part of the Inter High sequence, so it's both exhilarating and scary to be at the point where I need to write it. Don't want to screw it up, after all.

Next week is the last of my queued updates for this story, so please look forward to it!

-Avi

[06.25.2018]