After Draco stormed out of my office, I was alone for the rest of the day. I wanted to talk to him, to try to explain that his friendship had meant the world to me, but I couldn't without giving too much away. Things were getting even more complicated, and I really had no idea how to untangle them.

I tried to focus on my work, but it seemed to be impossible. I'd spent so much time working on the case in Italy with Blaise and the potioneer case with Draco that I was woefully behind on everything else. I knew there were several Aurors simply waiting on my response and I needed to refocus, to stop worrying about Draco and Blaise and take care of the things that I had to do.

Reaching into my bag, I pulled out my iPod and put in my earbuds, trying to drown out my thoughts so I could get something done. I didn't want the whole day to be a total loss. Normally, electronics like this would go haywire within the Ministry, but I'd created a spell to shield it from the magic in the air, allowing me to use it in both the Muggle and magical worlds.

As the music played in my ears, my quill flew across the parchment, answering memos and letters as quickly as I could. If I kept my mind busy, I wouldn't think of Draco or Blaise or the mess I was currently in.

Two hours passed and there was never a knock on my door. It only opened when my responses needed to sneak out. Tears filled my eyes, but I wasn't sure who I was on the verge of crying over. Was I more upset that Blaise hadn't tried to apologise again or that Draco had seemingly given up on trying to be my friend?

Needing a break, I stood and moved towards my door, opening it and looking out into the department. As soon as my eyes landed on Draco, I froze. Astoria was there, standing in front of him with a bag of takeaway. Immediately, my heart started to race. She'd come to confront him about the picture, to confront me about what I was doing with her husband again.

Just as I was about to retreat back into my office, he made eye contact with me before leaning down and kissing her sweetly. I looked away as fast as I could, moving swiftly towards the women's loo and praying that Astoria hadn't noticed me. I didn't want to deal with her today. Between Blaise and the confrontation with Draco, I'd had all I could handle for one day.

When I entered the loo, I closed and locked the door, leaning back against it as I took deep breaths and tried to calm myself. However, instead of calming down, I found myself growing angry.

How dare he? How dare this Draco — the one who didn't know there had been anything but friendship between us — lean down and kiss his wife just to make me jealous? How could he possibly know me so well when he didn't remember me at all?

Of course, he'd used that tactic on me before, back when I was deluding myself into thinking we were 'just having a fling' and kept pushing him away…

As I stood in the DMLE, I could feel his eyes on me.

I continued my conversation with the delegate from France, smiling and laughing at all the right times. When he placed a hand on my arm, I didn't pull away, knowing that it would drive Draco crazy. I'd told him that things were over between us, that the last time was really the last time. This had been going on for far too long — nearly two months.

Deep down, I knew I needed to stop caving to him. I needed to show him that I could move on, that I wasn't thinking of him and him alone. Of course, that was a lie; if I could have him fully, I would take him in an instant, but he was married to Astoria. He showed no signs of trying to end the relationship, and I refused to be the other woman forever.

I wouldn't do it. I needed to end this before the feelings got any deeper, any more real.

When the delegate asked me to dinner, I smiled and nodded, telling him that he could meet me at my favourite French restaurant in Diagon Alley at seven. He smiled back at me and said, "It's a date."

Draco's grey eyes were filled with fire when I glanced at him. Shaking my head, I looked away, knowing that he'd keep his distance if I truly wanted him to.

Later that night, when I arrived at the restaurant, the French delegate had his hand on my lower back, leading me through the tables as we followed the maitre d'. As I looked around the room, I spotted them. Draco was sitting at a table with Astoria, smiling at her brightly. She looked beautiful, like she'd taken hours to get ready for this date.

Or maybe she always looked like that. I was certain that Draco had sprung this on her after overhearing my conversation.

Through the meal, I did my best not to look over at them, but it was hard when Astoria giggled or Draco's voice made its way to my ears; my mind was so used to focusing on him.

Before dessert, I excused myself to the loo, needing a break from their fucking happiness being shoved in my face. I knew what he was doing, and I was pissed that it was working. He was trying to manipulate me into caving, into inviting him back to my house.

I couldn't do it.

He was with her — with Astoria — and I couldn't be his mistress. It was wrong. It didn't matter how right it felt when we were together. It was still wrong.

As I stood in front of the sinks, the door opened and he walked in, locking it behind him. I didn't look over at him, but he came up behind me, meeting my eyes in the mirror.

"What are you doing, Granger?" he asked quietly. "Why are you denying that you want this?"

"You know why," I answered. "This is wrong, Draco. You're married."

He wrapped his arm around my waist and his chin nearly rested on my head. I loved the feel of him against me, even if I knew I shouldn't. Feeling my body starting to react to him, I spun in his hold, looking up at him.

"Let me go," I demanded.

Looking down at me, he replied, "I can't. You're all I can think about."

"Go back to your wife. I'm going back to my date."

"Are you going to take him home with you?"

I shrugged, even though I knew I wasn't going to. "I haven't decided."

"Don't," he pleaded. "Please don't do it, Hermione."

"It's none of your business what I do."

I pulled away and made my way out, feeling worse than I had before.

When he reappeared, he smiled at Astoria, leaning down to kiss her. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. It was like a car crash, watching him kiss his wife right in front of me. Jealousy made my stomach turn and my magic crackle in my veins.

Draco Malfoy was a fucking prick, but I wanted him. I wanted him so badly it hurt.

But he was married. All I would ever be was the other woman to him, never a wife. Never the mother of his legitimate children. It didn't matter what was between us.

She would always come first.

The memory scorched through me, the feelings of resentment all coming back easily. It was like it was yesterday, rather than three years ago.

He hadn't changed at all, not really.

And I didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I hadn't altered who he was when I removed his memories. Unfortunately, that meant he was still an arse, still fixated on me, on making me jealous of his perfect little pureblood wife to get his way.

It was a mix of bad and good, just like everything about our relationship had been.

And here I was, in a bathroom again, trying to forget that he'd just kissed his wife in front of me to get under my skin. This time, he wouldn't be chasing after me, but that was my own fault. He knew I was with Blaise and had no idea about our past relationship.

With a sigh, I straightened myself out — using magic to glamour the redness of my eyes and fix my makeup — and walked back to my office, not sparing a glance towards Draco's desk before closing the door behind me again.

By the time five p.m. rolled around and I hadn't heard anything from either Draco or Blaise, I was feeling stressed. It was irrational, but I couldn't help it. I wanted someone to come after me, to desperately want me to forgive them. I knew I could go to either of them and they'd likely listen to what I had to say, but I didn't want to be the one apologising, especially to Blaise. I hadn't done anything to deserve his anger this morning. He'd seen one innocent interaction in the paper and blown it way out of proportion.

And Draco? He hadn't even tried to hear me out.

I decided I needed to get out of the office for the weekend, Falmouth be damned. Draco could stay here all night and wait for Blaise. If they both wanted to give me the silent treatment, that was fine. I just wouldn't hang around for it.

Packing up my things, I looked at the clock once more, trying not to think about why Blaise hadn't checked in yet. I wouldn't worry about him, not right now. He and Mel were smart; they were fine.

When I opened my office door, I felt Draco's eyes on me, but I didn't look at him. He'd been the one to escalate the tension between us, kissing Astoria right after making eye contact with me, storming out of my office without listening to a single thing I wanted to say. After I'd locked the door, I turned straight towards the exit and walked out.

I felt stronger than I had earlier in the day, holding my head up high as I walked to the lift. However, I was anticipating the chase, hoping that Draco would follow me and try to talk to me.

But this wasn't the Draco who knew he could make me cave with a single smile or a touch of his hand to my bare skin.

Since I didn't trust myself to go home and be alone, I rode the lift to the Atrium and made my way to the nearest available Floo. I debated for a moment, trying to decide if I wanted to deal with Harry and Pansy's questions. It had been a shit day already, so I figured I might as well get it over with.

Stepping into the grate, I threw the Floo powder down, focusing on Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place.

As soon as I made my way into the kitchen, I heard feet on the stairs. Pansy appeared and immediately glared at me. Lily was tucked into the crook of her arm, sleeping peacefully.

She pointed to the stairs, signalling that I should follow her. Harry was sitting on the sofa, the boys playing at his feet. When he looked up at me, his eyes were filled with concern. James, however, ran over to me and hugged my legs tightly.

"Auntie Mi!" he exclaimed, leading Sev to do the same.

"Hey guys," I said, ruffling their hair. "I thought I'd come by and see you."

Pansy had continued up the stairs, likely heading to put Lily in her cot so we could all talk without waking her. The boys were a handful on their own, nevermind when company came to call.

"Hermione…" Harry started cautiously.

I shook my head. "Let me spend some time with the boys first, Harry. Please. I need to relax for a bit."

"Yeah, Dad," James said, making me wince.

Harry only smirked at his son's cheekiness.

When I went to sit on the floor, I realised I was still in my work clothes and quickly transfigured my skirt into a pair of comfortable jeans. At the sight of the magic, James and Sev both clapped.

About ten minutes later, Pansy came back down, eyeing me carefully as I played with her sons. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Harry shake his head at her, letting her know that I wanted a bit of time.

"Are you staying for dinner, Granger?" she asked, her voice terse.

"If it's not a problem."

"Of course it's not. We're just going to order some takeaway. Lily thinks sleep is for the weak, so we're knackered," Pansy replied. "Take some time with the boys and then we'll talk, yeah?"

I nodded, even though I was resolutely not looking forward to talking about anything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours. Like always, spending time with James and Sev calmed me, putting a smile on my face. I was sure Lily would be the same way as she got older, though I'd always have a special connection with the boys — they'd helped me find purpose, to refocus when I needed it, and I'd never forget that.

Once dinner was done and all the kids had been put to bed, I found myself sitting in Harry and Pansy's living room, a glass of elf-made wine in my hands. My nerves were overtaking me, and I didn't know how to begin the conversation. They were waiting on me, not badgering me, so I took a deep breath and organised my thoughts.

"I'm assuming you saw the paper this morning?"

"Of course we did. Everyone in the bloody wizarding world did. Malfoy and Granger: Letting Go of the Past was really an excellent headline. And then it went on to explain how you don't hate each other anymore," Pansy said, rolling her eyes. "Not really news to me."

"It wasn't what it looked like!" Her lips parted, ready to cut me off, but I held a hand up. "Listen, he'd somehow found out that we'd spent a lot of time together before his 'accident'. The bookstore that we used to go to in Knockturn Alley… The clerk had something on reserve for us still. It was a book about Muggle minds from when we were researching how to help my parents. And I think someone else said something to him, as well."

Harry sucked in a breath. "Who would've done that?"

Shrugging, I continued, "Anyway, in one picture, I had legitimately fallen and he'd caught me. I was off-guard because I was so shocked. I know what my face looked like — Blaise made sure to point it out to me — but it was nothing."

"And the one where Draco's got his arm around you?" Pansy asked.

"That little side-hug lasted about as long as the photo showed. I said I was clear to help him with this case, and we'd just talked about how we used to be friends… I guess he was thanking me. I'm not really certain why he did that."

"Because he's Malfoy," Harry said, his voice nearly emotionless, "and you're you, and he's been watching you with Zabini. I'm sure it's been driving him mental. Once again, he wants to have his cake and eat it, too."

Struggling to push down my emotions, I looked to Pansy. "Do you think that's what it is?"

"I don't know," she began. "I think you're playing with fire, though. I think the more time you spend around Draco, the more complicated things are going to get. For both of you."

"And where's Blaise?" Harry asked.

I felt the heat rising to my face. "We… had a bit of a row this morning. I might have told him I needed space."

"Oh, for Salazar's sake! What did he say to you, Granger?"

"He accused me of still being in love with Draco. And he threw it in my face that I haven't told him that I love him yet," I recalled, pain lancing through me. "He also called me Granger, and I lost it and told him not to. He didn't take that well."

"He never calls you that," Harry pointed out. "In fact, I don't think he even did it at school."

Pansy shook her head. "He didn't. He's trying to be Draco. He thinks that will make you focus on him, I'm sure." After a second, she asked, "Are you still in love with Draco?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I think a part of me always will be. We never really had a break up. Everything just… ended."

"We're aware," she stated. "And Blaise? Do you love him?"

Sighing, I said, "I do. But I'm not sure if it's the same as what I felt for Draco at the height of things. I feel like if I tell Blaise I love him, that's it. Everything is sealed. Within a year I'll be Mrs. Zabini with a baby on the way, and I'm not ready for that yet. I nearly panicked when he referred to staying overnight with the boys as 'practise' for when we have our own kids."

Harry made eye contact with me. "And you don't want that?"

Did I want that? Did I want to be married and settled with kids? Did I want it to be with Blaise?

"I want a family," I began, knowing that much was true, "but I'm scared. And Draco being around again… It's brought up a lot of issues for me. I just haven't really talked to anyone about it."

"This is why I didn't want you to rush into things with Blaise before you saw Draco again, Granger," Pansy said, not unkindly. "I knew it would be hard for both of you. I understand why Blaise reacted the way he did, even if it wasn't right."

"I know. I gave him some leeway and was understanding to a point"—I stood and started to pace, my hands carding through my hair—"but I wasn't going to let him keep telling me I couldn't work with Draco. As long as he's in the department, if he needs my help, I have to treat him just like anyone else."

Reaching out and grabbing my arm, Harry halted my steps. "Hermione, you don't have to—"

"I do," I stated firmly. "Harry, he knows we were friends before the Obliviation now. If I just start ignoring him out of nowhere, he'll know something's wrong. Though he's currently not speaking to me either, so maybe it won't matter at all."

"And why isn't Draco speaking to you?" Pansy asked.

"Blaise confronted him and Draco thought I was behind it, that I didn't actually want to work with him or be his friend and I was too afraid to tell him myself," I answered, my stomach churning. "Everything is a huge mess, and I really don't know how to handle it."

I felt the tears welling in my eyes again, and I knew I was on the verge of breaking down. Much to my surprise, Pansy stood and walked over to me, taking me into her arms. If anything, I would've thought that she'd slap me again.

"Granger, for a smart person, you have the worst fucking taste in men," she said, her hands rubbing my back. "I mean, really, I know I encouraged you to move on with Blaise, but you need to stay away from Draco if you want that relationship to work."

My heart squeezed, and I knew I had a lot of decisions to make in the coming days.

Did I want things to work with Blaise?

How could I keep working in the DMLE and stay away from Draco?

Could I push Draco away without making him suspicious about my reasons why?

Did I really want to completely distance myself from Draco?

"I know," I replied, sniffling. "Everything was getting better and now it's a tangled mess again. I don't know why Astoria and Lucius didn't try harder to stop him."

Harry cleared his throat and I looked up. "Have you thought about working in a different department, Hermione? I'm sure Kingsley would let you do whatever you liked."

"You don't—"

"Of course I want you in the DMLE," he interrupted, knowing where my train of thought was going. "But if this is going to be better for you — to be away from Malfoy — it's something you should consider."

Even though it wasn't something I had ever imagined, I knew he was right. There were plenty of other departments in the Ministry or I could go into the private sector.

There were so many possibilities. I just had to figure out if I was open to something new.

"James!" Harry scolded. "You really scared us."

My eyes popped open at my best friend's frantic tone, and I realised why he was so scared. Looking over at him, I said, "I'm so sorry. I didn't think about how you guys would feel if he wasn't in his room in the morning."

"When did he come in here?" Harry asked.

I shrugged. "No idea. He did the same while you and Pansy were at the hospital. He just climbed right into bed with us."

"Sorry, Dad," James said sleepily, rubbing his eyes.

Letting out a breath, Harry replied, "It's okay. I know you love your Auntie Mi. I'm sure she was happy to have a little sleepover."

James dozed off, not responding to Harry again.

"What time is it?"

"About half-seven. James usually wakes us up before now, so when he didn't, I went to check on him," Harry explained. "I wonder why he's so tired this morning."

"Maybe he's growing."

"Maybe. Merlin, I hope not."

"I can't believe he's three already," I said, running a hand through James' dark hair. "I feel like he was just born last week."

Harry laughed. "You've been through so much since he was born. I'm not really sure how it feels recent to you."

"Not to mention you've added two more in quick succession," I teased. "I don't know how you and Pansy got so lucky."

Once again, I felt tears filling my eyes and my mind drifted to Blaise. I knew he'd be willing to do this with me — give me a family and kids and lazy mornings in bed — but I wasn't sure if I was ready, or if he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I knew part of that was because I was confused by Draco, but I couldn't let myself fixate on him again.

Could I accept everything Blaise offered me? Or would it be wrong to essentially make him my consolation prize? Keep him because I couldn't have Draco? Because I loved him a little and the sex was great?

That didn't seem fair, even if I was sure he'd be willing to settle for that.

I didn't want to settle. Not when it came to love.

But then my mind spiraled again. I would never be able to have Draco. That part of my life was over. It had been for almost two years at this point. And Blaise… he'd made me happy over the past six months. He helped me to rebuild my life and my heart, and I was repaying him with doubts and emotional disloyalty.

"Hermione?" Harry said, pulling me from my thoughts.

I watched him climb into the bed, laying on his side and facing me, James between us.

"Hmmm?"

"You could be lucky, too. You just need to decide what you want."

"It's not that simple," I replied, meeting his eyes over James' head. "If Draco hadn't come back, I think things would be a lot different. But he complicates everything."

Harry's brow furrowed. "He shouldn't even be a factor in this. You're not going to start things up with him again, and he doesn't know that you were together in the past. He seems devoted to his son. He'll back off."

In my mind, I saw platinum hair and grey eyes, a handsome face that knew exactly what expressions to make when trying to get his way. And then I saw Draco at Fortescue's, feeding his son ice cream and saying that he needed to get home to Astoria, even if he had looked at me with the same lust he'd felt before the Obliviation.

"You could be right. He might just feel like he has a silly crush on me. Who knows?"

Again, he looked at me seriously. "I think you should really look into transferring. As much as I want to keep working with you, I don't think it's healthy for you to be in the office with both Draco and Blaise. The Department of Mysteries recruited you pretty heavily, yeah?"

I nodded, my imagination beginning to run wild. It was possible that I'd be able to do more significant magical research if I changed my career. Maybe then I'd feel content enough to settle down. "I'll contact them and see if there are any openings on Monday. It can't hurt to check, either way."

"Don't do it for me. Do it for yourself if that's what you really want."

"That's the thing, Harry," I began, deciding to be completely honest with him. "I don't know what I want. I just know that I can't keep going the way I have been since Draco came back."

"I know." He laced his fingers through mine, squeezing gently. "I'm here for you, no matter what you decide to do."

"Thank you."

"And, if you decide that it's worth it to work in the Department of Mysteries, we can still meet for lunch and you'll always be welcome here. You know that."

"I do, and I'm so grateful for you and Pansy. I just wish that it wasn't coming down to this — to me leaving or finding a way to deal with Draco every day," I replied. "I missed my appointment with Penelope—"

"What? Why didn't you go?" he interrupted, concerned.

James stirred between us, rolling onto his back. When he'd settled again, I said, "It was the day Lily was born, Harry. I've rescheduled for Monday. It wasn't intentional."

He looked relieved. "Good. I'm sure she'll be able to help you sort everything out. She's probably much better at this emotional shite than I am."

Trying to stifle my laugh, I shook a little and squeezed his hand again. "Well, you're better at it than I am, it seems."

"No, I'm really not. You feel everything so… deeply. It overtakes you—"

I cut him off. "That's really not a good thing. Have you seen the state of my life?"

"But once you figure everything out — which I've no doubt you will, sooner rather than later — you're going to be happier than anyone on the planet. You're stronger than I ever would've been in this situation."

While I suspected that was true, I still didn't feel all that great.

Later that day, Pansy came down the stairs holding a parchment scroll, telling me it had been delivered by owl. I rose from the floor, already recognising a letter from one of the Malfoys. Pansy must have realised it too; she stayed frozen, watching me. The boys felt the tension in the room, immediately quieting down.

When I cracked the seal, I saw Lucius' neat handwriting spanning the page.

Ms. Granger,

Narcissa and I would like to invite you and Mr. Zabini over for tea this afternoon. Are you available to speak with us?

Please let me know as soon as possible.

LM

I read it three times and then handed it to Pansy, not sure how to respond. I really didn't want to know what they needed my help with. If it had anything to do with Draco, I wasn't sure I'd even be willing to help them at all.

Pansy scoffed. "They want you to speak with you?" She tore Lucius' letter to shreds. "More like they probably need your help with something, and no fucking way. After how things have been for you since he found out about the affair, they'll need to step over my dead body before they manipulate you again."

With wide eyes, James looked up at his mother, sensing her emotions.

She sighed. "It's okay, James. Mummy is just a little angry at someone. You and Sev should go up to your room and play while I talk to Auntie Mi."

"Sev, do you need me to carry you?" I asked, not looking forward to the conversation with Pansy.

He shook his head and moved towards the stairs. Pansy stood at the bottom, watching the boys, her wand in her hand in case one of them fell.

"It's better to let them do things on their own," she said. "My mother never let me, and it took me forever to gain any sort of independence. I don't fancy carrying these kids around forever."

Nodding, I moved to the sofa and settled in. "I know you did the right thing, but what if it was about Draco? What if—"

"Granger, if Draco remembered anything, I'm sure he'd be at your house banging down the door, and if he couldn't find you there, he'd go to Blaise's. Everyone would end up here eventually when they couldn't find you."

"Where's Harry?" I asked. He'd slipped out this morning and wasn't back yet.

Pansy shrugged. "He was going to visit with the Weasleys for a bit. We didn't want to say anything because we weren't sure if you'd be feeling up to dealing with Ron's questions today. You know he'd ask why Blaise wasn't with you."

She was right, but I would be willing to take any distraction right now. I was upset with Blaise, upset with the Malfoys… And I just wanted to scream myself hoarse.

"What do I do about Blaise?"

"Go and talk to him tomorrow night. Let him have the weekend to stew on it. Has he been calling?"

"I don't know. I haven't checked at all."

She summoned my bag and rummaged through it, grabbing the little phone and flipping it open. "Three times. That's not too bad in just under a day." Opening my text messages, her eyes widened. "Oh, but he's sent you plenty to read."

Stealing my mobile back, I scrolled through Blaise's messages.

Hermione, I'm sorry. I know I said some things that were out of line. I swear, if it hadn't been Malfoy, it wouldn't have bothered me.

Please answer me.

I'm back from Falmouth. Mel and I have some news. Call me when you can.

Home now. I was really hoping you'd be here.

I am so sorry. I can't sleep without you. Please come back, Tesoro.

Can you please just let me know that you're okay?

Hermione, I love you. Please come home. We need to talk.

When I thought of him lying awake all night, my heart hurt, but his words weren't any different from the apologies he'd already given me.

Scrutinising me, Pansy asked, "What are you going to do now?"

"You just said I should go tomorrow — those messages don't really change anything, right? I think I should make him wait a bit longer."

"I feel terrible for him. He's clearly torn up without you there and, fuck, he's my friend, too." She seemed to be at a loss.

As I scanned his words again, I felt a mix of emotions, and I didn't really know what was right or wrong. I felt sick about hurting Blaise, but I knew I couldn't let him control me. I had to make sure that I stayed true to who I was supposed to be. Who I wanted to be. I didn't want to be the woman who dropped everything she cared about to make sure her boyfriend was happy. That was dangerous.

I knew because I'd done it before. I dropped everything for Draco. As soon as he'd let me know he was free, I'd run to him.

"I'll send him a message. I don't want to see him today, but I'll let him know that we'll talk tomorrow. I want to spend the rest of the afternoon with the boys, and then I'll go home tonight," I told her, making a decision.

Pansy nodded. "Okay. What are you going to say?"

I started tapping it out, the buttons on the mobile clicking away.

I'm not ready to talk yet. Give me tonight and I'll come over to yours tomorrow. I'm sorry, but I need to think things through.

Before I hit send, I showed it to Pansy and she gave her approval. Within seconds, he sent a reply.

Guess I'll see you tomorrow then. I love you.

Blaise's I love yous made me feel guilty, like I was doing something wrong by not saying it back to him. However, I knew I didn't want to say it for the first time via text, and I was sure he didn't want it to be that way, either. I didn't respond, tucking my mobile in my pocket.

"You know, I think you're really good for each other, but Draco — he's going to keep coming between you as long as he's around," Pansy said.

Inhaling shakily, I replied, "I know. That's why I need to think. Maybe Harry was right last night. I could do something besides work in the DMLE."

"Do you think you'd like working somewhere else?"

Shrugging, I said, "I think so. It might be good to make a change. Become an Unspeakable or something. I'm sure I could be an Obliviator or research Memory Charms."

Pansy laughed. "I'm sorry. I know that's inappropriate, but it's funny."

Giving her a sad smile, I nodded. "I know, but maybe I could turn my knowledge into something that could actually help people."

"I bet you could, Granger." She pulled me up from the sofa. "Come on. Let's go see the boys and check on Lily. Harry will probably be home soon, and then we'll all go out to dinner somewhere in Muggle London, make a spectacle of ourselves with my unruly children."

That actually sounded perfect to me.

When I got home from our dinner outing, I cracked my very first journal from St. Mungo's open.

Even if it was a terrible idea, I'd decided to read back everything I'd written to Draco over the past year and a half. I wanted to remind myself of how far I'd come, of how much I had to lose if I let myself fall into old habits with him again.

As I turned the pages, tears started flowing. I had been so broken at the beginning; I'd lashed out at my friends when they tried to help me and when I looked at the meals I'd written down, I wondered how I didn't simply drop from starvation.

However, in my words, there was so much love. Of course I remembered I loved Draco, but it poured off the pages. Even though I'd made the choice to let him go, I loved him more than I'd ever loved anyone before. If Astoria hadn't gotten pregnant, I probably wouldn't have had the strength to walk away, Lucius' threats be damned. Sure, when I was the other woman, there had been so many issues to deal with, but there was also an incredible amount of passion and romantic love between us.

I read the little anecdotes about our trips that I'd put in the journals, the lists of things we did… And by the time I cracked open the second one, the one I'd started shortly after I got out of the hospital, I could sense the shift in me. I had accepted what happened and was really trying to move on. The regret still lingered — that would never change — but I wasn't walking down memory lane much anymore.

This journal held the picture of Draco and Scorpius, and it didn't make me cry when I looked at it. No, if anything, I felt a little bit angry. I'd made myself miserable — given up so much — so that Draco could be with his son, and he was still being selfish. Since he'd returned to work, he had been moving closer and closer to me. While I'd seen it happening, I had been powerless to stop it. My heart, my magic, my very soul knew him, and I couldn't simply push him away.

If it hadn't been Draco.

And then it struck me — those were the exact words Blaise had used.

If it hadn't been him.

I kept reading, finding my way through the past year, remembering how I'd felt when I decided to take a chance with Blaise and re-reading the entry from the first time I'd run into Draco, the way I'd spiraled when Harry told me he was coming back to work.

Once I'd read the final entry, I closed my eyes and let my mind wander. Blaise had helped me pull myself out of the hole, but ultimately, I'd done it myself. I didn't immediately jump into things with him and, looking back, it probably would've been easy to. He was always around, save for when I was living with Harry and Pansy.

When he did make his feelings known, I struggled with the decision of whether to start something or not. I knew I was still healing, but I also wanted to be better. Somehow, I equated starting a new relationship with 'being better' and I didn't realise it at the time.

But honestly, I'd been nearly normal by the time I left Harry and Pansy's in August. I hadn't fallen back into the pit of despair I'd lived in from October to April. I had thought about dating long before Blaise told me he was interested in me. I'd just never acted on it.

I was confusing myself even more.

Much to my shock, I couldn't see the future I'd once imagined with Draco anymore. When I had been stupid enough to believe he'd leave Astoria, I had dreamed up a silly little scenario with blonde children on Platform 934, a happy life where we were together. Now, there was barely a trace of it in my memory. I didn't know if my brain was trying to protect my heart or if I'd really moved on from Draco, but I found myself crying at the loss of it.

And then, behind my eyelids, I saw Blaise. He was standing right in front of me — like he had for years — just waiting for me. Always waiting for me to catch up to him.

I wasn't sure if I ever would, but I wanted to try. I wanted to talk to Kingsley, stay out of the mess with the Malfoys, and move on with my life completely.

On Monday, I would do that. I would talk to the Minister and find out what my options were.

But for now…

I packed the journals back into the trunk, grabbed my bag, and didn't think twice.

As I stepped into the Floo, my heart nearly skipped a beat in excitement. Ignoring Blaise wasn't the solution. I had to fix this; he had been right about one thing — we were happy before Draco came back into the picture.

And since Draco would never be an option for me, it was time for me to create a new fucking picture, one that he had no place in.

When I stepped into Blaise's flat, it was dark.

It was only nine o'clock. He never went to bed this early.

I walked from room to room, but he wasn't anywhere to be found. Chewing my lip, I debated calling him and reached into my bag again. There were no new messages when I opened my mobile.

Scrolling into my contacts, I hit send when his name was selected. It rang three times and then he answered.

"Hermione?"

In the background, there was music and laughter. It sounded like he was at a party, and my stomach dropped.

"Where are you?" I asked.

"I'm out with a friend. I couldn't — I didn't want to be alone all night again."

My heart squeezed when I thought about what those words could mean, especially coming from someone with Blaise's sexual past.

"I'm at your flat," I said quietly. "I'll… go back to my house. I'm sorry. It was silly of me to presume—"

"Stop, Tesoro. I'd rather be with you. I don't think I should Apparate, but if you come to get me, we can talk," he responded, his words a little more slurred than they'd usually be.

He was out somewhere — drunk — and I could hear females in the background. My stomach started to churn, even though I knew his actions might be perfectly innocent.

"Who are you with?"

"Just come to Falmouth. I'm at Sara's restaurant. We can stay here or we can go right back to my flat," he said, sounding nervous and frustrated.

Sara.

Remembering the way she'd touched him and overstayed her welcome on our first date, I imagined her dressed up, trying to convince Blaise that I wasn't worth the aggravation. I'd just come running to him, wanting to apologise and fix things, and he was with her. Every insecurity still present in me from my time with Draco came bubbling to the surface.

I would never be enough.

"We can just talk tomorrow. I have to go—"

"Hermione, don't! Please, just come get me. This isn't anything," he interrupted. "I swear to you, I stopped drinking almost an hour ago so I could sober up and get home. I didn't intend to get pissed."

In my mind, I saw Blaise through the years, a different woman on his arm at every function. They were all beautiful — usually brainless, but definitely beautiful — and I started to shake. He could talk his way into anyone's knickers, and I was sure that hadn't changed.

But, as soon as Draco and I had split, he'd been there for me whenever I needed him. He'd said he hadn't been with anyone else since then. That was nearly two years ago.

I wanted to make things work. He was just spending time with a friend, probably telling her what a horrible shrew I was. It wasn't any different from me spending time with Harry or Ron when times got hard…

"Okay," I replied, even though there was dread in my stomach. "I'm on my way."

Hearing his sigh of relief, I closed my mobile and stowed it in my bag. I focused on Falmouth, on the front of the restaurant, and Disapparated.

As soon as I materialised, Blaise's arms were around me and the scent of his cologne was filling my nostrils. He'd rushed outside to meet me. I returned the embrace and he murmured apologies into my hair, his lips pausing to drop a kiss on my head every so often. His hands roamed from the small of my back up to the back of my head, tangling in my hair and tilting my chin up so our eyes could meet.

"I'm so sorry," he said, and his anguish was visible. I'd hurt him over the past two days.

Not wanting to say it was okay — because the way he'd acted wasn't — I just nodded. He looked to my lips, nonverbally asking if he could kiss me, and I rose on my tiptoes to meet him. One of his hands curled gently around the side of my neck and the other dropped down to my back again, pulling me tight against his body.

After a minute, I broke the kiss and looked up at him. "Let me go in and say hello. I don't want to be rude."

He swallowed hard and nodded, gesturing for me to lead the way. When I crossed the threshold, I was surprised to see Mel sulking into a glass of wine, Sara sitting beside her doing the same. Sara was older than us and Mel was significantly younger. Their only connection, in my mind, was Blaise.

"You were here with Mel?"

He rubbed his face with his hands. "I was. I… She asked me to come with her."

The relief I'd felt when he kissed me immediately slipped away. "You told her about everything?"

"We were together all day yesterday, Hermione. It was pretty obvious I was upset," Blaise replied. "She called me today and asked if I wanted to get dinner and a drink. I'd pointed this place out to her—"

"Was this a date?" I snapped, and both women looked up at me.

Gods, I sounded like a shrew.

Blaise eyes widened in shock. "Of course not! I love you."

Looking to Mel, I tried to see what she thought, but she only gave me a weak smile. "I know you're together, Hermione. I wouldn't have asked him on a date. I was just trying to be a good friend."

There was no possible way they'd had time to talk about this. I'd Apparated, and he was already outside…

The suspicious part of my brain said that he hadn't wanted me to see Mel, to know she was there with him in the restaurant where we'd had our first date.

"Okay," I said, promising myself I'd examine all of this more closely later. "I didn't know you were here. I just wanted to come in and say hello to Sara. I thought it would be rude if I didn't."

They both nodded, the whole situation extremely uncomfortable.

"Hello, Hermione. It's nice to see you again," Sara stated, placating me.

"Yes, you as well," I replied awkwardly.

Blaise's arm slung around my shoulders, and he said, "I've missed you, Tesoro. Take me home."

I could smell the firewhisky on his breath, and I wanted to glare at Mel and Sara for letting him get himself into this state. As he leaned on me, I wrapped an arm tightly around his waist.

"Well, it's obvious that he needs to be put to bed. I'll see you on Monday, Mel." I glanced at her and then to Sara. "Until next time."

Waving us off, she said, "Take care of him, Hermione. He needs you."

Her tone was less friendly than usual, and I knew that he had likely been telling them about our situation. She was angry with me.

As we started to walk away, Mel rose and grabbed my arm. When I met her eyes, she stood up straighter. "Don't hurt him. He doesn't deserve to have someone walking all over him."

Cocking my head at her, I replied, "I don't intend to do either of those things, but I fail to see how our relationship is any of your business."

"It affects more people than you realise," she stated boldly. "Everyone's been able to feel the tension in the office since Draco came back to work."

"Mel, that's enough," Blaise interrupted. "I'm fine. We had an argument. Hermione is not the only one to blame here."

She shrugged. "I saw the pictures of her and Draco, just like you did. It all makes sense to me now, the way things between you changed when he came back to work." Making eye contact with me, she continued, "It's just interesting, the way you and Draco glance at each other when you think no one's watching. It's almost like there was something more than friendship between you before his accident…"

Her voice trailed off and I could see the spark in her eyes. She likely wouldn't let it go.

"Draco, Blaise, and I have a complicated past. You need to back off."

Before she could respond, Blaise said, "Let's go home, Tesoro."

With Blaise draped over me, I turned towards the door. He was heavy, but I held him up. When we stepped outside, I immediately spun on the spot, Disapparating.

Seconds later, we landed in his living room and he crashed my lips against mine. I groaned and reciprocated the kiss as he backed me against the wall and leaned over me. I was still angry, still jealous, but I wanted to kiss him. I needed to kiss him.

I felt like the whole world was going to come crashing down around me, and Blaise had been my grounding force for months now. Whenever I was upset, I lost myself in him, even though I knew it wasn't the right thing to do.

Breaking the kiss, I looked up at him. "You're drunk. We shouldn't... We need to talk before we hop into bed."

My head thumped back against the wall as his lips moved to my neck, tempting me to change my mind.

"I know you, Hermione," he murmured. "You want to bury all your feelings with sex. You want to forget about everything that's wrong, at least for a little while."

Inhaling deeply, I said, "You're right. You're absolutely right. But we can't keep doing that." I pressed my hands to his chest. "Let's just… We should sleep and talk in the morning."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded. As much as I wanted to shut my brain off, I had to stop avoiding my problems.

Reluctantly, Blaise stepped back and walked towards his bathroom, not furthering the conversation. I stayed where I was, the wall steadying me as I thought about how he'd gone out with Mel.

But Sara had been there, too — it was possible I was being overly suspicious.

Blaise didn't return so I retraced his steps, walking into the bedroom. I heard the shower running and cracked the bathroom door open. When I looked in, I saw him leaning against the wall, his face against his forearms. Quietly, I stripped down to nothing and entered the shower, wrapping my arms around him from behind.

"I'm so sorry, Hermione," he said, his slurred words muffled further by his arm. "I've fucked up the past two days."

"You're not the only one," I replied. "I shouldn't have agreed to work with him so closely. If I'd kept my distance—"

"He'd still want you. It makes no difference," he cut me off, turning in my arms. His back pressed against the tile and his chin tilted down, his eyes meeting mine. "He's always going to want you, and I was stupid to hope otherwise."

I swallowed hard. "When this case wraps, I think I'm going to change departments. Being around him every day… it's too much."

A look of shock settled over his features, but he didn't say anything. Trying to find the words, I just stared up at him, hoping he understood that I was doing it for us. There was no noise in the room, save for the water hitting the tiles and our skin before running down the drain.

He hadn't expected me to choose him, to choose our relationship over a friendship with Draco. That much was clear. While I hadn't explicitly told him how I felt about him, I thought he knew how much I cared.

However, with the way he looked right now, that wasn't the case. He needed to hear me say it. He wasn't going to believe this was real until I did, and I felt like I was losing him, especially when I thought about the way Mel had spoken to me tonight and the way she'd looked at him.

Finally, I caved, the words leaving my mouth in a rush. "I love you, Blaise. I want this to work. I don't want to go back to how I was before—"

Silencing me with a kiss, he pulled me flush against his naked body.

"I love you, too," he replied, breathless. "Gods, I love you so much. I missed you."

"I missed you, too."

His hands drifted down to squeeze my arse, testing my resolve. Once again, I pressed my palms against his chest, pushing back. "Blaise—"

"I know — not tonight," he said. "I'm drunk, but I understood. I'm not going to push."

I nodded. "Okay. Let's get you in bed, then."

After we dried off, Blaise settled into his side of the bed. I wrapped myself in a towel and said, "I'll be right back. I just want to shut off my mobile and get some Muggle aspirin for you. You'll need it in the morning."

His drooping eyelids finally closed all the way and I went out to the kitchen, filling a glass of water and thinking about the scene at Sara's restaurant. Now that he wasn't holding on to me, I was seeing things a little more clearly than I had before.

The way Mel's voice had lilted as she said 'It's almost like there was something more than friendship between you' made me nervous.

How much had Blaise told them? I could understand him complaining about the present, but had he told them about the past? Or was she just inferring that to get under my skin and drive a wedge between us?

Would she tell Draco if she knew the whole truth?

Honestly, I hoped that Blaise hadn't been that foolish; we'd never told anyone what had really happened, and for good reason.

And if he did tell Mel and Sara, he would have broken my trust in him, and I didn't think our relationship would survive that.

Standing in the doorway to the bedroom, I looked at his sleeping form, the glass of water and bottle of aspirin in my hand. Blaise had been my best friend for years now, my boyfriend for six months. The transition had felt so easy — so right — that I hadn't really questioned anything.

Sure, I'd been a bit hesitant at first, but I'd chalked that up to fear since this was the first relationship I'd had since Draco.

And now, maybe because I'd read through all the journals earlier, I was starting to see similarities between Draco and Blaise that I hadn't before. They were both jealous and possessive, always wanting to mark their territory in front of others, for lack of a better comparison. Last night and today, Blaise had begged me to forgive him, to come back, the way that Draco had every time I tried to break off the affair.

Blaise had met me outside the restaurant, away from others, the way Draco always had. In fact, when I thought about it, I'd never spent time with Blaise's family or friends. Not once in six months. We were always with my friends — Harry and Pansy, Luna and Ron, the other Weasleys and their spouses, Hannah and Neville.

As realisation after realisation started hitting me, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep.

Had I simply replaced Draco with Blaise?

Maybe I hadn't changed at all.