Hermione — 18th June 2007

On Monday morning, I walked into the office with Blaise beside me. When we'd talked things through yesterday, I had made it very clear that the possessive behavior at work had to stop. He couldn't kiss me and constantly come into my office.

While he'd agreed, I wasn't sure if he would actually follow through with it or not. It seemed like he was going to try, and that made me happy. I was still feeling conflicted about the events of Saturday night, unsure why he'd been with Mel or if he'd told her anything about my past with Draco. Luckily, I was meeting with Penelope today, and I was hoping I'd be able to sort through my thoughts.

Maybe she'd be able to put my fears to rest.

When I'd walked in, I saw Draco at his desk, already focused on whatever he was working on. My eyes automatically fell on him, just like they had for the past three years. At this point, I didn't think that would ever change, especially since he was so easily recognisable.

Unpacking my bag, I set my mobile, my travel coffee mug, and my iPod on my desk. I kicked my shoes off and settled into my chair, mentally going through my to-do list for the day. First and foremost, I knew I had to send Kingsley a note to find out when he would be able to fit me into his schedule. I grabbed a small sheet of parchment from my desk and dipped my quill, taking a deep breath. When I touched the tip of it to the parchment, I felt my stomach lurch.

Nerves were threatening to get the best of me, but I wouldn't let them.

As I wrote out the message, I forced myself to breathe, to be brave. I could talk to Kingsley about my future at the Ministry — I'd done it before. This conversation didn't set anything in stone. I was just going to get the information I needed to make a decision.

Right after I signed my name, I folded it up and sent it off, not giving myself time to second guess. The little note floated out my open door and off to Kingsley's office.

Feeling a bit better now that it was actually done, I looked at the small pile of requests I'd left behind on Friday. I took the one from the bottom of the stack, knowing it was the oldest, and got to work.

Just as I was finishing the first request, a return note from Kingsley arrived, informing me that he had a small window of time to speak with me this afternoon if I was available. I responded in the affirmative, letting him know I'd be there, and refocused on my work.

At ten o'clock, the alarm I'd set in my phone went off, letting me know that I had to get over to St. Mungo's for my appointment. I tried to push down the disappointment I felt; I'd thought Draco would come to apologise for his behaviour on Friday, but he hadn't.

It was probably for the best.

Slipping my feet back into my heels, I reached for my bag again. When I turned towards the door, he was there, like my thoughts had summoned him.

"I was hoping we could talk," he said.

"Talk?" I asked, staring at him and wondering what he could have possibly remembered now.

Draco nodded. "Yes. Friday… I know I was an arse—"

I held up my hand, stopping him. "You can kiss your wife whenever you'd like."

"That… Well, that's not what I was referring to," he replied, a look of confusion on his face. "I meant I should've talked to you rather than listening to Blaise."

I felt myself flushing, the heat travelling up into my cheeks. Of course that was what it had been; he didn't have the same jealousy-filled memories that I carried with me.

For lack of anything better to do, I looked down at my watch and said, "I'm really sorry, but I have a doctor's appointment and have to go. I'll be back this afternoon, though."

I could tell he was chewing his cheek. "Okay. I just wanted to say I'm sorry about Friday and to talk things through."

My heart thumped. "Thank you, Malfoy. I'll see you later on."

Running his hand through his hair, he turned and walked out in front of me. Blaise and Mel were standing together near their desks and they both looked up at us. I didn't miss the way her lips quirked up, like I'd just confirmed something for her. Blaise's eyes landed on my face and his jaw tightened.

Unable to deal with them at the moment, I gave a little wave and headed for the door.

"It's been a while, Hermione," Penelope began. "How have you been since the last time we spoke?"

"Almost a year," I mused aloud. "Well, shortly after the last time I met with you, I moved back to my house and started living on my own again."

She nodded. "And you look good. I can see you're taking care of yourself."

"I've had my moments, but nowhere near as bad as before. And I — well, I'm sure you know, even if that sounds a little full of myself — I started a relationship with Blaise." Twisting my hands in my lap, I continued. "It's been about six months, almost seven."

"You don't look very happy about that," she stated. "Is that what you're here to talk about?"

Absentmindedly, I looked around her office, my eyes scanning the room even though I'd been there so many times before. "Yes and no? I'm having some problems, and I wanted to talk them out with someone who isn't directly involved."

"Okay. Let's look at them one at a time."

I started walking her through my relationship with Blaise, how we'd gotten together, what my friends had said, how it had felt easy and natural to fall into something with him. She had a charmed quill taking notes, so I was able to ramble quickly, my mouth nearly keeping up with my mind.

"And then my ex came back into the picture," I said, averting my eyes. "We're not together, and he's not made any advances, but I'm confused."

She assessed me, her green eyes scanning my expression. "What do you mean, he came back into the picture?"

"We worked together before. He took a leave of sorts, and now he's come back to work. I also work with Blaise, so I've been feeling rather uncomfortable."

"And Blaise knows about this ex?" Penelope asked.

I nodded. "He does. He knew about the relationship while we were carrying on. He knows the whole story, and he's wary of my interactions with the ex."

"I can understand that," she began. "How is he behaving? Possessive? Jealous? Overbearing?"

"All of the above," I answered. "It's been driving me mad, if I'm honest."

Rearranging herself in her chair, Penelope thought for a moment. "Have you been interacting with your ex at all?"

"It's unavoidable. We work together. I'm the researcher and runes expert for the whole department."

"And did Blaise's behavior shift from day one? As soon as the ex was back at work?" she asked.

Thinking back to the beginning of May, I realised it had. "Yes. The very first day, he made sure to stake a claim on me in front of D—my ex. He was always touching me, coming into my office and shutting the door, things like that."

"Well, that's not okay," she said. "Have you given him any reason to doubt you?"

"So, this weekend, we had a bit of a row. He brought up the fact that I haven't told him I loved him," I explained, trying to lay out as many details and be as honest as I could. "I haven't felt ready to, but when we talked on Saturday night and made up, I said it."

I could tell she was forming a theory in her mind. "Let's go back. What was the row over?"

Fuck. How was I supposed to tell her about the photos without divulging who the ex was?

I squirmed in my seat, scrambling for a plausible scenario that wouldn't out Draco as an adulterer.

"This is all confidential, Hermione," she reminded me. "Just tell me what happened."

"I know. It's just… I've never told you who he is, and I didn't think I ever would," I started to explain. "He's married, and everyone knows him and his wife."

"Confidential," Penelope replied.

Swallowing my doubts, I nodded. "Okay. Well, the ex and I were photographed together." I looked up just in time to see her eyes widen, realising who I meant. "And Blaise saw the photos before I did. He was extremely upset."

"They were best friends at Hogwarts, no?"

Her question made me feel terrible. "They were, but then everything changed when Draco and I…"

"When you were having the affair?" she asked.

"Yes," I breathed, the word so quiet I was surprised she could hear. "Blaise knew about it nearly the whole time, and he discouraged both of us from continuing. I thought he was just being a good friend to Astoria, but now…"

When my voice trailed off, she continued my thought. "Now you're wondering if he wanted you for himself."

"I suppose, but it's more than that. I'm noticing so many similarities between Blaise and Draco, and I know they were close before, so it makes sense that they would have things in common, but the way they treat me… It's almost eerie."

She gestured for me to continue.

"Well, Draco was always jealous. Whenever someone else would approach me, even though I was technically single, he would always find a way to interrupt. Or he would say something about it after the fact and make me feel guilty," I told her. "And obviously, since our relationship was a secret, he hid me from everyone in his life. Well, except Blaise. And this weekend, I realised that Blaise has been hiding me, too. I don't know if it's intentional, but I've not really met his family or friends."

I thought of Sara. I'd met her, technically, but that was because he took me to her restaurant.

"Okay, I've met one friend. But doesn't that seem odd after this length of time?" I asked.

Penelope shrugged her shoulders. "Every relationship is different."

"On Friday, I asked him to give me space," I said, moving along to the next point. "He sent me a bunch of text messages — do you know about mobile phones?"

"I do," she confirmed.

"Well, he was pleading with me, and Draco used to do the same every time I tried to walk away." I stood and started pacing, needing to move and expend some of my nervous energy. "I know that he just wanted to fix things, but when I listened to and read the begging, it made me think of Draco. And not in a good way."

Nodding, she let me keep speaking.

"And then I decided to see him Saturday night — I'd originally said we would talk Sunday — and he wasn't home. I called him and he was drunk at a restaurant with another coworker and a female friend."

"How did you feel about that?"

"Honestly? I was upset," I admitted. "I know it's unreasonable for me to want him sitting home pining for me, but he was out with two females, and it just didn't sit right with me. Especially given both our pasts."

"Were you worried he was cheating on you?" Penelope questioned.

Taking a moment to think, I said, "On some level, yes. He was the type to be with a different woman every week before. I thought he would be home and that we'd talk."

"Okay, and did you equate this to something Draco used to do?"

"Obviously Draco would leave me to go home to Astoria." When she didn't jump in, I continued. "But also, when I called him, he asked me to come get him because he couldn't Apparate. He met me outside rather than having me come in to say hello, and the women he was with were mutual friends. Or acquaintances, at the very least."

"So that brings us back to how you feel like he's hiding you in the same way."

"Yes! Or he's hiding something."

"So you're suspicious of him," she stated. "Has he done anything to make you think he'd stray?"

I sighed. "No, not really, but I just feel like this relationship is turning into a copy of the one with Draco, minus the married part." Running my fingers through my hair, I kept walking around the office. "I mean, I'm burying hard conversations with sex. I'm hiding my feelings when I think they'll upset him. I'm making myself available just about whenever he needs me. It's not healthy, but I don't just want to give up."

"It does sound like you're falling back into old habits," Penelope replied. "Are you looking to break them? Or—"

"Yes," I interrupted. "What if Blaise and I could really work and I'm sabotaging things because I'm behaving the same way I did with Draco?"

"So I have a few things I want to point out," she began. "You tend to lose yourself in romantic relationships. Whenever you start something with someone new, you put yourself into it completely. That's not a bad thing, except for the fact that you let whoever you're with almost dictate how things go."

My initial reaction was to retort, to tell her that wasn't true, but I'd just said that I always made myself available whenever my partner needed me. I hid my feelings to keep them happy.

Mentally swallowing that pill, I nodded, letting her continue.

"It's a really hard thing to overcome, but it's definitely something we can work on. We just need to figure out why specifically you do it," Penelope said. "Do you have any theories?"

"I do, but I want to think on it a bit more," I replied. "I do think that the biggest one is that I'm afraid of being left behind."

"By who?"

Feeling my heart start racing, I took a deep breath to try to slow it. "Everyone, honestly. After the war, things got messy, and Harry and Ron moved on with their lives, and my parents were gone…"

When I trailed off, she looked at me, waiting to see if I was going to continue. I didn't — I'd given her all she really needed to know at this point.

"Okay, so abandonment issues. That's probably a rather large part of why you behave the way you do, especially when it comes to men."

It sounded so horrible when she phrased it that way, but I knew she was right. I was sick of being alone, so I threw myself into the deep end of relationships, and usually teetered on the edge of drowning. Wanting to get better — to be better — I decided that I had to listen to her closely, to hear her out and then decide what the best course of action for me was. I had to try.

Penelope rose and moved towards her bookshelf, her eyes skimming the titles. "I am usually more of a practical, hands-on type person, but I know that you absorb a lot through reading," she explained. "I'm going to give you a couple of books to look at before we meet again. I'm going to recommend we start talking at least once a week or every other week again."

"That's honestly probably a good idea," I told her. "And I'd love to read up on whatever you want me to."

"I think you need to look at a few things. Why are you codependent when you get into a relationship? Abandonment issues can stem from many things, even if it's simply that you've pushed people away. You expected them to stay no matter what you did—"

"Like Ron and Harry," I interrupted.

"Right. And I think your life has taken a very different path, and the perfectionist in you is having a hard time dealing with that," she continued. "I want you to learn that it's okay to be happy on your own or to have bad days and share your feelings with your partner."

"But he's — I can't tell him that I feel conflicted about Draco."

Penelope shook her head. "Even if you're not saying it, I'm sure he can feel it and that's likely creating tension between you."

I knew she was right, but I still didn't feel I could talk to Blaise about it. She stepped towards me and held out the books.

"Thank you. I know that it's been a long time, so I appreciate that you were willing to see me again," I said, knowing we were nearing the end of the appointment. "I honestly didn't think I would be back here, but I can't let myself get to the point I was at before."

"I'm glad you called, Hermione. That shows how much you've changed, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you need anything between now and your next appointment. I'm hoping that the schedule will allow for you to come back next week."

I moved over to her and shook her hand. She gave mine a gentle, reassuring squeeze. "I'll see you next week," I replied, ending the appointment.

As I walked out the door, her books in my bag, I knew I had made the right choice; I needed to sort myself out before I was a complete fucking mess again.

Walking back into the DMLE, my eyes scanned the main room again. Draco was nowhere to be found, and Blaise was missing, too. Immediately, my nerves took over, my stomach churning. I looked around, and I saw Draco, Blaise, and Mel in a conference room, likely talking about the potioneer case and what had happened in Falmouth on Friday.

I had roughly an hour until my meeting with Kingsley, so I headed into my office, leaving the door wide open. Flipping through the pile of requests on my desk, I found one that looked relatively simple that I could complete with no actual research. One of the older Aurors was looking for information on a spell that he'd likely used multiple times. I rolled my eyes. Some men just waved their wands around without realising exactly what they were doing.

"Bloody idiots," I muttered, scrawling out the response to their questions.

By the time I finished, it was time for me to head up to Kingsley's office. I took a deep breath and grabbed my wand, not bothering to close my door on the way out. I didn't anticipate that I'd be gone long. I nearly bumped into Draco and Blaise, but neither said anything to me.

When I got upstairs, Kingsley greeted me warmly, the way he always did. I took a seat in the chair across from his and crossed my legs..

He looked over at me. "So what did you want to talk about, Hermione?"

"Well, I've been thinking about possibly changing careers," I said. "I'd still like to work within the Ministry, but I think I need to move on from the DMLE."

"Is there a particular reason why?"

I shook my head. "No. I just—I want to learn something new. Grow a bit. I was thinking that I might like to do more magic-based research, in the Department of Mysteries."

I wasn't going to admit to the Minister for Magic that I was looking to change jobs to distance myself from an ex-boyfriend.

Folding his hands together, he rested his elbows on the desk. "I suppose I can see that. Would you be willing to wait until I filled your position? Or at least until Harry gets back?"

"Whichever comes first would be fine," I replied.

"Do you have any preference on what you'd like to do?"

While I wanted to say that I was interested in memory modification, something was stopping me. Would I really be moving on if I was focusing all of my attention on the thing that had ruined my life twice over?

"I have NEWTs in—"

Kingsley laughed. "Every single subject. Outstandings, yes?"

"Yes, but—"

"Your credentials won't be in question, Hermione. I can assure you of that," he told me. "Just be sure this is a change you want to make before you do it because the Department of Mysteries doesn't really like giving employees up once they've started there."

My leg bounced nervously. "I'll make sure to think it through properly. I just wanted to see if there were any openings before I got my hopes up."

"We'll make a spot for you wherever you want. I know you don't like the special treatment but, ultimately, you're going to get it no matter where you go."

As uncomfortable as that made me, after nine years, I knew he was absolutely right. I would always end up with unwanted attention and more open doors than nearly anyone else in the wizarding world. Thankfully, I was more than up to any challenges that would be thrown at me. I wasn't just an empty head with a famous face.

Kingsley glanced at the clock. "Did you need anything else? I only had this very small window of time…"

"No, that was all I wanted to talk about," I said, rising from my seat. "Thank you for checking into things for me, Minister."

"Kingsley," he corrected. "I think you can call me by my first name after all this time."

"Thank you, Kingsley," I said. "You'll send me a note? Or an owl?"

He nodded. "Of course. I'm sure it won't be more than a few days."

"Excellent."

After another handshake, I left his office and took the lifts back to the DMLE. As I walked through the department, I saw Blaise and Mel in a conference room on their own. She was talking and he looked frustrated, his arms crossed over his chest. My heart started pounding in my chest, but I didn't go to interrupt them; I had to trust that Blaise wouldn't betray my confidence — that he wouldn't fall for Mel's advances, if she made any.

I held my head up high and walked back to my office, shocked to see Draco examining my bookshelf. His fingers froze over the spine of one book. One very rare, very fucking bad book. One book that would unravel the web of lies we'd caught him in.

As he pulled it from the shelf, I cleared my throat and he quickly turned around.

"Malfoy," I greeted. "What are you doing in here?"

Draco — 18th June 2007

I needed to talk to Granger.

Since last Friday, I'd felt guilty about storming out of her office. I'd fucked up royally by believing what Blaise had said without hearing her out. He had been jealous of me — of Granger working with me — since I'd come back to work.

It seemed like he felt threatened, and I wondered if my feelings had really been that obvious to everyone around me.

They must have been, given the way both Astoria and Blaise were acting.

I was a fucking sap, infatuated with a woman who was not my wife.

She definitely was not your wife.

The bookstore clerk from Knockturn Alley's voice played in my head. Granger had admitted we'd been there together as friends.

Yes, definitely not my wife.

There are some things you can just never forget, not really. She'll come back to you.

That phrase had been replaying in my mind all weekend. What had he meant? Granger would come back to me? My feelings for her would come back?

If he'd meant the latter, he was definitely right.

These feelings — this crush, for lack of a better word, even though it was so much more — had been part of me for nearly ten years. If she'd asked me to walk her pet Blast-Ended Skrewt while we were at Hogwarts, I would've asked her how far and endured every sting or sucker or explosion if it made her happy.

With a sigh, I continued thinking.

From the time I got home Friday, Astoria had given me a wide berth, only really interacting with me to tell me that if I continued to spend time with Granger, she'd find a way to divorce me and make my life a living hell. It didn't matter that it had been for work — she didn't want me near her. My head had nearly spun from the change in her attitude; when Astoria came to my office, she'd said she wasn't happy, but she hadn't seemed angry, either.

But then I'd hurt her when I told her I needed time to think.

When I tried to explain why a friendship with Granger wasn't a big deal, she'd insisted on going out, saying she and Daphne had made plans to visit Theo Nott's new club.

As I watched her teeter out the door on ridiculously high heels, wearing a tiny scrap of a dress, I felt… nothing. I didn't care that she was leaving the house near naked. I was still angry with her for lying to me about my friendship with Granger, for giving me an ultimatum. At that moment, I honestly couldn't have cared less if she had a one-off with a random bloke.

I certainly wouldn't be scratching any itches for her.

And then I realised it was absolutely ridiculous that I was okay with my wife fucking another man. I was supposed to love her, to be protective and possessive of her, but I wasn't. In fact, the thought of Granger kissing Blaise filled me with more jealousy than the thought of Astoria having sex with some faceless bloke. There was something very wrong with that.

By the time I left for work this morning, I'd been dying to get out of the house. It had been filled with tension since Friday night, and I was ready for a break.

I'd missed Granger and Blaise walking in together, but by the way he was smiling, I was sure they'd made up properly over the weekend. When I thought about it, I squeezed my quill between my fingers so hard that it snapped.

Seeing them come into the office every morning was a special form of torture. He had been my best mate all through Hogwarts, and since I'd been back at work, I'd watched him pull Granger in more and more, limiting her contact with me whenever possible.

Even though she and I had been friends before my accident. And, from what I could remember, Blaise and I had still been close, too.

I thought of the way he'd jumped into the potioneer case, working hard to close it. Of course, as soon as he'd seen me giving Granger that little side hug in Falmouth, he'd gotten pissed, telling me in no uncertain terms to stay away from her.

The more I thought about it, the more I realised that everyone wanted to keep us apart. Astoria, Blaise, Potter... I was growing more and more suspicious that we'd been a little bit more than friends at one point or another. The opinions and feelings were much too strong. It couldn't be all in my head.

Knowing she must have just stepped out for a moment, I decided to wait for her to come back. As I looked around her office, I saw little snippets of her life. There were a few photos, a lot of books, some Muggle gadgets on her desk. It all added up to years spent in this space. From the bits and pieces I could remember, I knew she'd been in this position since the end of the war. And, if I was honest about it, I expected her to stay with Potter until the day one of them died. They were so close — and had been for over fifteen years now — that I wondered how Pansy could even stand it sometimes.

I moved to the bookshelf beside her desk, my eyes scanning the titles that Hermione Granger deemed worthy of taking up space in her office. There were the normal books on hexes, jinxes, and curses, along with the expected defensive magic texts and tracking spells. Runes and Arithmancy, her special areas of interest.

However, there were a few oddities that stood out to me. I traced the spine of a particular book with my fingertips, wondering how she'd gotten a copy of it. It was very old, and there were only a dozen or so copies still in existence. We'd had a copy in the display case in the Manor library, but my father told me it had gone missing. Once I'd remembered the Dark Lord had created Horcruxes, I'd figured he'd stolen it.

It was all about soul magic. There was information about souls that had been split — like Voldemort's — and soul mates, theories on what happened to a soul after the Dementor's Kiss and natural death.

The volume was so old it didn't even have a true title. It was stamped with Anima, or Latin for 'soul'.

A book like that one had no place on a shelf in the DMLE, unprotected and visible to anyone who walked through the door.

Just as I was pulling it from the shelf to look at it, Hermione cleared her throat, drawing my attention away from the book.

"Dra—Malfoy, what are you doing in here?" she asked, clearly startled by my presence.

I shrugged. "I wanted to talk to you, Granger. I figured you'd be back since you left your office door open."

She nodded. "I'm back, obviously. I was just… I had a quick meeting with Kingsley."

"Taking over the Ministry before you turn thirty?" I teased, trying to get her to smile at me.

Like she had before the damn paper had printed those photos and I'd acted like an arse.

She shook her head. "No, definitely not. Just talking to him about other opportunities. I think it's time for me to do something else."

Granger was potentially leaving the DMLE, and I felt my stomach clench at the thought. I'd just gotten back here, only just started to rebuild the friendship that had existed between us. She couldn't leave now.

Merlin, this witch could still tie me up in knots like we were fifteen years old.

She was visibly nervous, wringing her hands and standing still in the doorway.

"But I don't understand. The whole time I've been back, you've seemed happy here, working with Potter."

"Enjoying working with my best friend isn't a reason to stay," she said quietly. "I want to grow and change and learn new things. I want to help people."

"What about Blaise?" I asked, looking her in the eyes. "Don't you want to keep working with him?"

Shaking her head, she replied, "Honestly, I don't want to work with him at all anymore. You've seen how strained things have gotten between us over work and... certain things."

"Me, you mean."

She shrugged. "But you're not the only reason. I never intended to start a relationship with someone I was working directly with. It's a lot, spending our whole day together here and then all our free time together."

"Right. I felt that with Astoria before I came back to work," I answered.

At my words, silence fell between us, and I wondered what she was thinking.

I tried to think of a way to prolong the conversation, to keep her here with me for just another few minutes. I turned back to her bookcase and pulled Anima from the shelf.

"This is a very rare text, Granger. It should be somewhere safer than your office."

"Honestly, who is going to steal something from the DMLE? I have protection charms on it to keep it safe from the elements," she said, rambling. "And besides, it will soon be in the Department of Mysteries with me, and it could be quite valuable to my research."

She was babbling, trying to distract me from the issue at hand. I didn't let her. "We used to have a copy in the Manor. Where did you get it?"

I was cradling the book in my hands, about to open the cover, and the color drained from her face, like she'd just remembered something about it. I was even more intrigued to learn where it had come from. She reached for her wand, and I quickly put up a Shield Charm. Wondering if Aurors had seized it from the Manor, I opened the cover.

I was not prepared for what I saw. There was no way I ever would have been prepared for it, even with my suspicions. In no universe would I have been worthy of Hermione Granger, the Golden Girl, the Brightest Witch of the Age…

But, tucked within the cover of this book, there was a strip of Muggle photos, the kind that didn't move. We were sitting beside each other, smiling and laughing, and in the very last one, I was kissing her, my hand wrapped possessively around the back of her neck.

On the inside of the cover, I had inscribed a note:

Hermione,

You are my soulmate, my other half. I've known it since before we'd even touched. I love you, and I need you, and if you read the chapter on soulmates, I think you'll understand why I feel the way I do.

When we're not together, I feel your absence and ache for your touch. It's physical and mental and emotional all wrapped into one.

Yours, Draco

Needless to say, I had a lot of fucking questions.