[Trigger Warning] This chapter (and story, really), deals with the topic of physical abuse. Please read with caution.

Reliability

By: Aviantei

13—Hallway II

Everything succumbs to thunder

Megumi had never felt anger much before—she'd hardly had the opportunity—so it was a foreign sensation coursing through her veins. Her heart throbbed, and a near insufferable heat seemed to overtake her chest and mind. The only thing she'd ever felt stronger than it was the overwhelming rush of when her APD acted up, but it wasn't present now. Just anger, and a little flicker of a feeling Megumi knew was disappointment.

Akashi did little to acknowledge her words, continuing to fill his water bottle to the rim. It seemed like a waste since he hadn't even bothered to step foot on court, and Megumi's hands clenched into fists at the same time her teeth ground together. Anger was emboldening, if not a little scary. She let it power her forward.

"Akashi-kun," she said again, her voice somehow still calm. For the first time in ages, Megumi wanted to scream, but it wouldn't do her any good. Akashi at last looked up, his mismatched eyes somewhat narrowed. He twisted the lid back on his water bottle in precise movements. "Is there a reason you're not on the court right now?"

"Is there a reason you're not with the second and third stringers right now?" he asked in return. Under any other circumstances, Megumi's mind would have flown off, trying to come up with a reasonable response. As things were, she felt justified. "You didn't just come this way to ask such an innate question, did you?"

Megumi stepped closer, her sneakers squeaking against the clean tile floor. Every spectator was focused on the finals match taking place in the gymnasium, leaving the rest of the building feeling abandoned, despite the bright lighting. She couldn't quite look at him, but she put more force into her voice than she'd expected. "I want an answer."

Akashi breathed out a sigh, as if the entire conversation were tiresome. "There's no point in my playing. Rakuzan will achieve victory regardless." His presence would have been stifling, were it not for the fresh wave of fury that ignited inside her. "This isn't a matter that someone who rests so low on the totem pole should even concern themselves with."

"So it's alright for you to just regard it because you're so high up?" Megumi's nails stung as they pressed into her palms. "I don't care if you're the captain or one of the Generation of Miracles or whatever. That's just wrong. The way you're looking at this is all wrong." She'd never attempted to play sports—just going through gym class was terrifying enough on her own—but Megumi could tell that much. "Isn't victory meaningless if you don't contribute to it in some way?"

Akashi raised an eyebrow. "By that logic, isn't the presence of the third and second strings just a pointless formality? In the end, all they can do is sit by and leave it to those who've made it to the court."

The words weren't what Megumi had meant, but Akashi was more than eloquent enough to turn them back on her. After listening to his perfect answers in class, she wasn't surprised. "Their efforts aren't useless," she said, willing her voice to come out stronger than a whisper. Though she'd been their manager for such a short period of time, Megumi could tell that much. "They've all worked hard. And if…if they really are leaving things to the ones on the court, that's even more of a reason for you to be out there."

"And I've told you, this isn't a victory they need me to achieve. I wouldn't side with a team as pathetic as that."

Did he really think that needing someone else was pathetic? Isn't it, though? something said in Megumi's mind. You can't get by on your own or with the help of others. You're the pathetic one. Her mouth went dry at the thought, and the rage inside her burned against the sudden loss in momentum.

"I don't have time for your pointless arguments, Megumi. Do go make yourself at least somewhat useful." The water bottle tight in his grip, Akashi turned on his heel, ready to leave.

Megumi didn't let him.

"Do you even hear yourself when you talk?" she asked, the words snapping out of her throat. The aftermath stung like sparks of electricity. Akashi paused, not once losing his pristine posture as he glanced over his shoulder at her. Megumi marched forward, the entire world around her thudding in her ears. "You act like you're above everything. And, yes, you're talented. Yes, you're incredible. But that doesn't mean you can just act like you've above putting the effort into a team you're in charge of!"

Akashi didn't deign to give her a response. That was good, because Megumi didn't think she'd have the courage to continue if he threw another flawless counterargument back at her.

"What's the point on looking down on everyone?" she continued, adrenaline making the words tumble out of her lips like an incessant waterfall. "As a leader, it's your job to build other people up. You have the charisma and the talent to do that, Akashi-kun. Why don't you bother to put it to good use?"

Why is it that when you have everything I've ever wanted you don't do anything with it?

"Are you done?" Akashi asked, at last turning back to face her. Where Megumi could feel herself trying to catch her breath, he looked as calm as ever. No, not fully. There was a slight crease in his eyebrows, as if he'd run low on patience. Unfortunately for him, Megumi didn't feel satisfied in the slightest. "You're wasting your time, acting on things that don't concern—"

"It does concern me!"

The sound of her own voice rebounding around the empty hallway almost made her flinch, but Akashi had no such concerns. "What makes you think my decisions have anything to do with you?" Megumi wished he would stop acting so poised for a second, it would make everything so much easier. "Your opinion doesn't—"

"It matters," Megumi said, inhaling in as much air as she could before looking up from the ground, "because I'm one of this team's managers." For a second, she locked eyes with him, that overpowering scarlet and brilliant gold seeming almost ethereal as she tried to regain some form of calm.

Megumi didn't even get the chance to feel proud of herself.

In movements too fast to follow, Akashi moved. His water bottle crashed to the ground, staying shut but letting out the almost hollow-sounding echo of plastic against tile. Megumi's back felt the first impact, then the sharp sting of pain as her skull cracked into the wall. The cold surface fought with what little body heat she had left, and for a second she didn't remember how to breathe, and then she did, so she tried to suck in as much breath as she could, but her lungs wouldn't cooperate.

It was several far too delayed seconds before she recognized there was a hand around her neck.

It wasn't squeezing or putting any form of pressure, but it was there, the unmistakable contact of skin on skin. If she wanted to, there was enough room for her to breathe, but her body refused to cooperate. Every ounce of panic and anxiety that she had somehow shoved off had returned in full force, accompanied by a bone deep terror that hadn't come to her in ages.

"I thought I told you," the boy holding her neck said, "not to look me in the eyes."

In the rational corner of her mind, she knew it was Akashi—her classmate, her fellow member of the Rakuzan basketball team. But that corner had become very, very small in the light of everything else. Her vision wouldn't focus, no matter how hard she tried to remind herself of where she was or to latch onto her surroundings. Everything was so far away—

-and just like that she was young again, unchanged, just a few months ago and all the months and years before it. She was here because she'd screwed up. Said the wrong thing, won the game too many times, just happened to be around when they were in a bad mood. The reasons didn't matter. What was happening hurt, and if she hurt then that meant she'd screwed up and she deserved it.

But she didn't like it. She never liked it. She didn't want to feel pain, especially over what seemed like nothing. But they told her, they always told her, that it was only fair that things came to that. After all, she'd been lucky, she'd been blessed, not like them. So it was her turn to put up with it, and if she didn't want to hurt them maybe she should just do as she was told and know her place.

And though it was futile, though she'd learned that no matter what she said would never make it stop, she still tried—

"I'm sorry… Onee-san… Onii-san…"

For a moment, there was nothing but silence. Megumi didn't know when she'd closed her eyes, but it didn't matter. It had never mattered. She could still see them, their images burned into her memory. Always there. Always a reminder. Always You deserve this, Megumi-chan, it's only fair—

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't mean to please stop it was an accident I'm sorry I'll behave please no more I'm sorry I'm sorry—"

The words spilling out of her mouth sounded like nonsense, even to her. They never did any good, but it was all she could do to appease them. She'd said them so many times that each syllable had lost its meaning long ago. But she still needed to try, because if she didn't, it would just get worse. She knew that better than anything else. So that was all she could do.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry please forgive me—"

The hand at her neck left, removing the deceptive softness of skin from against her own. Megumi's legs had long lost the capacity to support themselves, and she slipped down to the floor, sliding down along the wall. Her bare calves pressed into the cold tile floor, and goosebumps erupted on her skin. She hugged her own chest. Her legs weren't anything to worry about, her legs would be fine, but her arms—

"Megumi," said a voice that was too much of a tenor to be her brother's.

An unrelenting bolt of clarity shot through Megumi's mind, but only for a second. She recognized enough of her surroundings to know she wasn't at home anymore. She was far away, she'd gone far away. She was in public, a place where things were normal, where she didn't have to worry about what she said or did until far later, until they were alone. But they wouldn't be alone, because she had moved, she had gone to Kyoto, and they weren't there—

—but I'm not safe.

Before Akashi could say anything else, Megumi pushed herself up onto her trembling legs and ran.

Her footsteps were thunder against the floor, echoing off the walls. Everything was stark white, save for the blurs of accented color that rushed past her vision. It didn't matter where she was going, so long as it was away. Somewhere by herself. Where she could piece back together the fragments of her self-control. Adrenaline shot through her, powered by her flight response more than her anger. It seemed like such a distant memory, that feeling, one that wasn't suited to her at all.

But Akashi—

Still running, she tried to push the thought off. Terror still reigned over her mind. She couldn't think about him. She didn't want to think about anything. Her lungs and legs burned from her exertion, and hot tears stained her cheeks, dried by the air whisking by as she continued to run. Her body felt unreasonably heavy and not at all like hers at once.

After several minutes, Megumi managed to catch sight of a restroom sign. It was a public one, meaning that there was every chance that someone else would come in to use it, but it was better than nothing. Almost tripping over herself, Megumi stumbled into stall, the sound of the lock scraping into place only doing so much to reassure her. She pressed her back into the door and clutched at her chest, trying not to think too much about the open space along the ground.

Her sharp breaths intermingled with her sobs, the sounds echoing throughout the bathroom. Her tears hadn't come anywhere close to drying up, salt residue clinging to her cheeks and meeting with fresh streams of water pouring out. Megumi didn't have the sense of mind to wipe them away, still clinging to the front of her basketball club jacket.

Right, I'm part of the basketball club at Rakuzan. I go to school in Kyoto. Recalling one of the techniques her former therapist had taught her, Megumi focused on reorienting herself in the present, trying to distance herself from the all too vivid memories. We traveled to the Inter-High finals, but we're not in Kanagawa. We're not anywhere close to them. Onee-san and Onii-san aren't here.

That hadn't done anything to protect her, though. It had been brief, but the pressure of Akashi's hand on her neck still felt like it had burned a mark on her skin. Megumi hunched over, trying to replace the sensation with the plush fabric of her still new jacket. She couldn't think about it, she couldn't think about it. Switching gears, Megumi forced herself to think about her surroundings.

This is a restroom in the Inter-High stadium, she told herself, then scrutinized every feature of the stall around her. The walls were a light gray, and the hard plastic of the door seemed textured behind her. Much like the rest of the stadium, the single wall of the room had a coat of pristine white paint on it. The tiles were clear of any grout, but a few of the ones along the back wall had cracks in them that met with the fraying seal where wall met floor. Several scratches lined the metal of the toilet paper holder and pad/tampon disposal, while the toilet itself was automatic, looking like a recent installation.

Somewhere during the process, Megumi's breath started to even out. Tears still stung at her eyes, but they weren't flowing as fast. Her fingers had started to cramp from clutching at her jacket for so long, and she slowly loosened her grip, relieving the muscles. When she tried to move, her legs felt stiff as well. All things considered, Megumi was surprised she hadn't fallen over.

Since no one else had come to the restroom, the game didn't seem to have finished yet. Megumi didn't want to think about how long she'd been absent. Had the second and third string members noticed? Was Akashi trying to find her, or had he gone back to the court where he belonged? Megumi may have thrown him off when she escaped, but, as an athlete, Akashi could have easily caught up with her.

Does he even care, though? She couldn't tell. Everything had started to lose meaning after a certain point, and even the argument beforehand had become somewhat blurry in her memory. I was out of line, though. No wonder he got angry. If she went back to the gymnasium, she'd have to deal with him sooner or later. If not during the game but in the aftermath.

No. She didn't want to be near him, even if it wasn't direct contact. She didn't want to have to see him. It would just remind her, and that would remind her of worse things, and nothing would get better. Yes, it was better to stay away. I need to stay safe, I need to stay safe.

I need to see the sky.

She'd calmed down somewhat, but everything else inside of her still screamed for some sort of release. The bathroom didn't smell bad thanks to an impeccable cleaning job by the stadium staff, but the air inside was always too stuffy, and everything was too plain, too sterile. If she could go outside, get away, she'd be fine.

It took several minutes for Megumi to build the courage to even unlock the door, and several more following that to leave the stall and clean off her face. The idea of Akashi waiting outside the restroom paralyzed her, but she pushed past the fear and poked her head into the hall. It was empty, not a trace of another person. Not knowing how long it would be until the game concluded and people started flooding towards the exit, Megumi clutched onto her jacket and tried to find her way outside.

She hadn't paid attention to her surroundings in the slightest as she'd ran away, so she fumbled around the halls for a while until she came across a sign that pointed her in the right direction. Once she caught a glimpse of sunlight beyond the glass doors, Megumi almost sprinted outside.

The day was still right, and the press of warm early summer air washed over her in stark contrast to the intense air conditioning of the stadium. She hadn't made it out the entrance Rakuzan had used, but she recognized the plaza from the several bus rides past. But that didn't matter as much as the stretch of pale blue above her, melting into the palest of gray clouds over the horizon. Megumi stood in place and craned her neck back, staring into the heavens and trying to lose herself in its expanse. Thanks to the open area around the stadium, no tall buildings threatened to block her view and break the illusion.

The illusion that she was no longer on earth.

That she longer had to stay connected to her fragile body.

"Hey," she said, voice once again thick with tears, "is there any way you can take me away from here?"

Megumi tried to convince herself to enter the stadium and rejoin her team in the stands. But her wallet and cell phone were in her pockets, and she was on a train back home before she knew it.

[Author's Notes]

Hey there, lovely readers! Hope the new year has been treating you well! Here's a new chapter of Reliability as part of my ten year fanfiction anniversary celebration!

Thanks go out to Girlinlovewithbooks, Zoie10135, Brownies3, Cookie Eating Pandax2, , Reader277, start12345, Aurora9871, LadyDark, MikiFee, ChoKyumiCassie, Frozen-Roses-77, and Livelife4love for all the favorites and follows since chapter twelve! I super appreciate all the support!

Megumi's having a tough time, and it's going to take a bit before it gets better. Sorry, dear. There will be new updates in the upcoming year, so please look forward to them!

-Avi

[1.1.2019]