Reliability

By: Aviantei

15—Rooftop

As we reach towards the sky, it watches us in turn

Megumi was still gripping tight onto her bag handle as she peeked around the corner of the classroom door, trying to get a look inside. It hadn't taken long for everyone to settle into the freedom of lunch, with chatter filling the air, desked moved next to each other in communal tables, and plenty of empty seats for those who chose to eat elsewhere.

By some grace of the gods, Akashi's desk was empty.

It wasn't all that surprising since he tended to eat in the cafeteria, but Megumi still let immense relief wash over her that his habit had held true. She kept her head down and walked to her own empty desk as casually as possible, and everyone was so caught up in their own lives that they didn't even notice their truant classmate had returned. After so many days in the silence of her apartment, the noise of the bustling classroom was a bit loud, but it wasn't overwhelming by any means.

You're doing great. Just do like normal.

Though she'd been missing most of the week, it was easy to slip back into the routine of school life, and Megumi hooked her bag to the side of her desk and pulled out her bento. With her entire day before free, she'd gone a bit overboard on cooking for herself, but at least she had the appetite for it. Megumi wasn't even halfway through her meal when she realized someone was standing over her.

"Megumi."

She almost choked at the sound of her name—because only one person at Rakuzan called her that, and only one person ever said her name so dispassionately, as if she wasn't even worth a warm greeting. Sure enough, Akashi was there, having returned from the cafeteria far earlier than he usually bothered to do. Still frozen halfway through swallowing, Megumi stared up at him, her chopsticks trembling in her shaking fingers.

"Captain," she said, more out of reflex than conscious thought.

"We're going to have a conversation. Somewhere in private," he said in that tone that held no room for arguments. When she didn't immediately respond, Akashi's eyes bore into hers for a split second. "In case you didn't realize, that was an order." And with that he turned around, leading the way out the classroom door.

Megumi's mind swirled with protests, but she voiced none of them as she followed.

When they entered the stairwell, Megumi almost thought that Akashi intended to speak there, just like the first time they'd ever talked to each other. But he surprised her, not only by taking the stairs, but also in that he climbed up without any hesitation. Using the handrail to steady herself, Megumi tentatively followed him, wondering just what in the world she was doing.

And then Akashi opened the door to the rooftop, and Megumi almost ran past him in her haste.

She wasn't doing it for him. Instead, the sky motivated her, brought with it some sort of reassurance; though she was in a potentially isolated location where no one would be able to help her if Akashi decided to—if something happened, but she didn't care. The fresh air and the open sky were freedom, and Megumi couldn't believe how stifling the inside of the school building could be when she'd been inside it for less than an hour.

"I didn't bring you here for you to ignore me, Megumi."

She spun around at the sound of Akashi's voice, feeling foolish—not only for forgetting herself, but for rushing ahead, since it meant that Akashi stood in the doorway, effectively blocking the exit. He didn't press the advantage, though, striding towards her. She couldn't hold back her flinch, even though he stopped with plenty of distance between them, enough to talk easily without being within immediate arm's reach.

Given Akashi's athletic ability, that distance only made her feel a fraction better.

Still, she straightened up her back and tried to channel the energy she tended to use as the basketball club's manager and the sliver of confidence that came with it. "Then what can I help you with, Captain?" Despite herself, she could hear the skepticism in her voice as she used the title.

Akashi had to have noticed—he seemed to notice everything around him—but he didn't immediately react. "You went missing from club for several days, to say nothing of your classes."

"I was under the impression that only one of those things concerned you." Just what was she doing, mouthing off to him after what had happened? Hadn't she learned her lesson already?

"The behavior of those under my command concerns me, regardless what area it's in." She hated how he could say those things with complete confidence—hated it because she lacked those capabilities in herself. "Special circumstances or no, Rakuzan doesn't take kindly to those who disappear from their responsibilities without warning." He paused for what felt like dramatic effect before adding, "And neither do I."

Megumi chewed on her tongue for a moment, but it didn't stop her next words. "I wasn't aware that you wanted updates whenever I'm too sick to leave home, Captain." Seriously, can you just keep your mouth shut for once? Though she'd been terrified of him in the stadium hallway, the anger she'd felt in the first place hadn't faded, either. She still hated the way he'd treated the game, hated the way he viewed it as not worth his effort.

So then why was he wasting his time on calling her out?

Probably because you pissed him off. What else?

"Don't play coy with me, Megumi," Akashi said, his voice carrying such force that she almost wished he'd just get it over with and hurt her again. She could deal with that much. His mismatched eyes narrowed, and Megumi felt frozen in place. "You didn't apologize to me."

Her surprisingly fragile patience snapped. "Am I supposed to say sorry when you're the one who choked—"

"You didn't let me finish." The words were enough to make Megumi almost swallow her tongue in response. "When I hurt you, you didn't apologize to me."

No, don't say it.

"You were talking to someone else."

Just stop talking already, I don't need you to tell me!

"You apologized to your siblings," Akashi said with such casualness that it wouldn't have been surprising if he were discussing the benign weather they were having. Megumi couldn't even raise her head enough to escape into the expanse of blue above. "I think it's very much my business why that was the case."

Megumi could feel the hyperventilation starting to settle in, the way it constricted her lungs and insisted that there was no air, there was no life. She tried counting her breaths, but the incessant tumble of other thoughts in her brain made it difficult to make it to three, let alone eight. Even though she couldn't fully hide her Avoidant Personality Disorder, that was something that at least people could accept if they found out, even if they looked down on her because of it.

She'd never told anyone about her siblings. Not Yamada-sensei, not her former therapist, not even her mother.

"Why do you care?" she managed to gasp out. "What does it even matter?" Did her words even make sense out loud? It was hard to hear what was going on outside of her, because every little sound seemed like it was too much, and not even her own voice could overpower that.

"Didn't I tell you? You're part of my club. My responsibility." Megumi couldn't decide whether to cry or to laugh. Except when she looked up, when she looked at him, Akashi's expression was perfectly serious, his brow furrowed in annoyance.

But not at her.

"I'm giving you the opportunity to say it with your own words, Megumi. Or would you rather I be more direct?" The golden color of his left eye almost seemed to flash in the sunlight, and it very much felt like he was staring into her soul, like he could see all of her secrets without her needing to say the words. "I don't intend to walk away and let something compromise my team in any way."

Oh, so that's why he cares, she realized. It's not about me; it's about keeping his club in line.

Somehow, it was reassuring that it wasn't actually about her.

"It's not something you need to worry about anymore, Captain." If he was going to play the club card, she would, too. "I don't suppose you know, but I live by myself. My family doesn't live in Kyoto." She'd left them behind, in another prefecture, where it wouldn't be possible for them to come after her, where not even her college-bound sister would have an easy way to come visit. "So long as you keep your hands to yourself, we shouldn't have a repeat of this situation."

Why oh why can't I keep my mouth shut for five minutes? Sure, Akashi deserved called out for what he'd done, for being the trigger, but Megumi was essentially poking a snake with her words. A very lithe and venomous snake.

She had the feeling that, if truly upset, Akashi would be much, much worse than her siblings had ever been.

But he didn't retaliate. For a moment, it seemed if he was amused by her gall, though he worked the corner of his lip down so his mouth formed a straight and unyielding line. "Megumi, did they hurt you?"

It was such a simple question, made up of only a handful of words, but it felt like that lone sentence was enough to unravel every carefully constructed part of Megumi's outward performance that she'd built up over the years. Funnily enough, no one had ever asked her that before; she'd never given them a reason to, because she understood that it would just get worse if she did, because she deserved it, they always made it clear that she deserved it—

The tears were hot as they spilled down her cheeks, and her stomach begged to upheave the half of her lunch she'd gotten to eat. She dropped down to the ground, her calves pressing into the rooftop, clutching onto her head, as if that would protect her from the worst of it, when it never did.

The footsteps approached, and Megumi didn't even have it in her to beg for forgiveness.

Akashi crouched down before her, his uniform tie almost skirting against the ground. "Megumi, look at me."

There was that tone in his voice again: the one that said his words were an order, not a request. Megumi found herself looking up before she could even think about what she was doing. Her tears must have been painfully obvious, and she couldn't fully meet Akashi's eyes, a part of her still worried about what might happen if she did, if she broke that rule again.

"They did," she said, answering the question before he could ask again; she didn't want to hear those words one more time. "They used to, all the time, that's why I left." No matter what other motivations she'd slapped on top of it, Megumi had run away to Kyoto because she'd had the chance of escaping from them, and she'd taken it. "Don't… Please don't tell anyone." She had a hard enough time, dealing with the possibility that people would reject her because of her mental illness; she didn't need that, too.

Akashi's eyes narrowed, his mouth twisting into a frown. "You haven't told anyone." It wasn't a question.

"Of course I haven't!" Megumi smacked her hands against the ground, feeling the rough concrete scratch against her palm. "You don't get what would have happened to me if I did. Someone like you doesn't have any idea of what it's like to feel powerless! To be useless." He was the one who hurt people, not the one who got hurt, he was the victorious. Megumi's heaving breaths felt like knives through her lungs. "I just came here to move on from my life, not to—to have someone else treat me like it doesn't matter if I get hurt, so long as it's for their own satisfaction!"

"…Is that what you think?"

Megumi felt too hysteric to even try to think about the faint hesitation at the front of his words. "What else am I supposed to think?" She hauled herself back onto her feet, despite her shaking legs. Bent over, she rested her hands on her thighs, to keep the passing breeze from ruffling her skirt. "I don't listen to what you say, even when it's ridiculous, and then you toss me into a wall like it doesn't even matter. Like you're in the right." She scoffed, though her voice was still watery. "Well guess what, Captain, you being absolute or what the hell ever doesn't give you permission to hurt other people like they're nothing!"

Akashi waited for her tirade to finish, smoothly standing up without so much as a speck of dirt on his uniform. "You're incorrect, Megumi."

She clenched her hand into fists, wondering for the first time in her life what it would be like to punch someone, instead of being on the receiving end. "You sure have some damn nerve—!"

"Not that," Akashi said, sounding as composed as ever. "You're not powerless. And I certainly wouldn't do something as foolish as let someone who was useless be part of my team, manager or not."

She forgot how to breathe.

Does he ever hear himself when he talks?

Does he think about the consequences of his words?

Does he actually think I'm not—?

Her tears came down harder and faster than before.

"I don't get you at all." She didn't care that the crying was clogging her throat, stuffing her nose, and all around making her sound like a fragile wreck. That's what she was, anyways. "You all but told me you thought I wasn't worth it." She could still remember his cutting words: Do you need everything spelled out for you? I told you already that your circumstances don't exclude you. No more slacking off, Megumi. "You can't just go and tear me down and expect me to believe you think I'm actually worth something."

She waited for the bomb to drop, for Akashi to confirm her thoughts and just get it over with, but he simply stared at her with that calm expression, as if he made other people cry all the time. "Don't put words in my mouth. I'd prefer if you didn't make it seem as if I'm the issue whenever you're the one that doesn't believe in yourself." Megumi sucked in a sharp breath, frustrated that he'd hit the nail on the head without any effort. "I'll admit that you need some work, but you're more than capable of doing what needs done." And then his expression shifted into a condescending smile. "Or are you telling me that someone with the guts to talk back to me doesn't have the ability to do whatever she sets her mind to?"

Is this a trap? It has to be a trap. She'd never heard Akashi utter anything close to a compliment, let alone one towards her. Megumi's head spun, trapped between a migraine and a panic attack. "I think…you've overestimating me."

"Are you giving up?"

"What do you think?" She spread her arms out, as if to put herself onto display. Look at me and tell me you think this is worth it. "In case you didn't notice, I run away from my problems when I can't take it. I ran away from home." And I ran away from you.

"What you did was remove yourself from a poor situation." Megumi held back the derisive snort forming in her throat. That was a nice way to put it. "If you were really someone to give up, you wouldn't have bothered coming to the basketball club in the first place. But you were planning on coming back." Unable to take his gaze anymore, Megumi looked down at the ground, as if it would stop his words from being true. Despite everything, she was going to try to pick herself back up, to return to the club and serve as manager one more time. "So I'll ask again: Are you giving up?"

It was a rhetorical question, but Megumi's jaw creaked open as she said, "No."

"Then I plan to use your capability for all it's worth. You will become a manager worthy of the Rakuzan name." Worthy of being part of my team, he was saying, if not directly. What Megumi hated was that he was so sure of himself that it didn't even sound like a lie, like a platitude to get her to do what he wanted. No, Akashi Seijuro was serious—absolute.

She steeled herself to look back into his eyes. "So I should expect being on the receiving end of your temper tantrums as an occupational hazard, then?"

Akashi shifted—and she braced herself for the hit, for the grab, whatever force of contact was to follow—but then she realized he wasn't moving to strike her, but instead turning away so that she couldn't make out his expression. "What happened to you was wrong, Megumi." No one had ever said that about her siblings before, and the words almost unleashed a fresh torrent of tears.

But Megumi pushed them back and squared her shoulders, riding the unfamiliar wave of confidence as far as it would take her, not caring about what risks might be waiting along the currents. "That's a funny way of saying that you're sorry for slamming me into a wall."

"You have my apologies," Akashi said, and those words were earnest, too, if not delivered in their usual curt demeanor. He didn't avoid her gaze, either, instead staring her head on, as if the first proclamation he'd made to her back in that stairwell didn't matter anymore. "It won't happen again."

Megumi was so taken aback by the completely unhumble show of humbleness that she couldn't conjure up the right words to retort. After what felt like an eternity of grasping at straws, she said, "I'll hold you to it, then."

The confident smile that formed on Akashi's face sent a fierce shiver down her spine. "Very well. I'll return the favor." In that moment, he sounded almost like a devil offering a deal. "You've proven to me that you're worth your position, but that's only the first step.

"Don't let down my new expectations, Megumi."

And with that, he turned back towards the stairs, the back of his uniform jacket catching in the breeze like the cloak of a ruler. And for once like she might have a place in that world, Megumi fell into step behind him. "Yes, Captain!"

The sky that stretched above them was a beautiful and watchful blue.

[Author's Notes]

Well, here we go. This sequence was another one of the earliest parts that came into my mind. I have made some adjustments to better reflect where we've gone, but I like the result. Hopefully this still seems to fit into the realistic aspect of the story.

Extensive thanks go out to Sapphiresushi, kimikokimono, bella cullen the original, honeywinterbliss113, 010321cal, Cherylicious5, GlaresThatKill, MissLingerie, Guest, Reo-kun, booklover2098, iblamemikegreen, KismetKAZE, SunnyGirl9, ParaDoxa Vulpine, Aywen, and Izzy (Guest) for the fabulous number of favorites, follows, and reviews! Ya'll are fucking fantastic, and I hope this chapter continues to deliver for you! You've all given me some bright points in a very stressful couple of days.

On the note of support, allow me to insert my awkward self promotion for the fact that I'm working on crossposting over to AO3 at the moment! This story isn't there yet (I have a lot of fanfic, please save me), but it will be. I'd love to see your support over there if you like. Username is once again Aviantei!

With that out of the way, we're shuffling our way out of the opening arc of the story, with the next movement coming in close. Next time, Megumi works on adjusting back to regular life. Please look forward to it!

-Avi

[09.30.2019]