As I waited for Draco to arrive, I paced around the main level of my house, nervously playing with my hair and trying to imagine how this interaction was going to be. He'd owled me that morning to let me know Lucius had retrieved the Malfoy family Pensieve from Gringotts the day before.
And, of course, the sight of Draco's owl at our bedroom window had put Blaise into a sour mood before we'd even left for work.
"It's not as if he doesn't know where you'll be in less than an hour," he'd snarled, likely still angry that I was even entertaining the idea of watching all these memories with Draco.
Even though I'd explained why I'd agreed to it, he wasn't happy, and I couldn't really blame him. I'd be in close proximity with Draco, watching a good amount of sexually charged memories, and I'd told him he wasn't welcome to come along.
Ultimately, I thought going through this whole process — seeing everything again — would help me get the closure I'd denied myself nearly two years ago. And, whether or not it made me uncomfortable, Draco deserved to know what had happened. I'd stolen a chunk of his life and I had to give it all back to him. We had to work through this together so we could both move on with our lives.
Blaise had dropped the subject far more quickly than I'd ever expected him to, but I knew he was just suppressing his anger, likely afraid to push me away.
When the fireplace roared to life with green flames, I took a deep breath and waited. A few seconds later, Draco stepped out, giving me déjà vu and spawning a surge of memories in my mind. However, I pushed those down. Tonight, we were going to start at the beginning, and that meant we'd be seeing The Leaky Cauldron, not my house.
He was holding the Pensieve and I gestured towards my dining table.
"You can set it down there," I said, stating the obvious.
After he had, he looked around, his eyes falling on the glass otter that still sat on my mantle. The somewhat blank look he'd worn after he'd smelled my perfume settled over his features again.
He remembered buying the otter, too. Gods, how many other little trinkets and experiences did I miss? Why didn't I search for memories of shopping for things for me, as well?
"Where's the dragon?" he asked when he regained his equilibrium, drawing my focus back to him.
Swallowing hard, I said, "He's in the trunk. The one with all your memories."
"Makes sense, I guess," he replied sharply. "Just packed me away, put me out of sight so you didn't have to deal—"
"I did have to deal. I had to deal so fucking much that I ended up institutionalised and then in therapy for eight months after that!" I snapped back. "Don't pretend like you know what my life's been like, and don't you dare judge me without knowing everything that happened."
"Well, maybe if you hadn't Obliviated me, I'd remember it all."
I placed my hands on my hips. "Thank you for stating the obvious, but maybe I wouldn't have Obliviated you if you didn't impregnate your wife."
Draco huffed, probably realising that we could shift the blame back and forth all night long if we really wanted to. Rather than continue the argument that he'd just started, he redirected, "So are we starting this little trip down memory lane at the end or at the beginning?"
I'd never imagined starting anywhere but the beginning, but I supposed it wasn't really up to me. As much as I wanted to tell Draco the story of our relationship in chronological order, I knew I had to leave it up to him. I didn't think we'd be having these conversations at all initially, so I was thankful he was giving me the chance, even if he was pissed at me. Ultimately, he could've chosen anyone to watch over him while he sorted through the memories.
"What would you prefer?"
He thought for a moment. "The beginning, I think. I might not want to go back if I get angry at the end."
While I knew there was a good chance he'd be upset after seeing the chemistry between us that first night, I simply nodded and held my wand to my temple, closing my eyes and bringing myself back three years. I twisted and pulled, plucking it from the depths of my mind.
Draco looked at the shimmering strands like they held all the answers in the world. In reality, they would only give him more questions.
I placed the memory in the Pensieve and looked up at Draco. "Do you want to talk about anything before we dive in?"
Shaking his head, he said, "I don't really know what to say to you, Granger."
"Okay," I breathed, tucking my wand back into my hair, spearing it through my messy knot. "Let's do this, then. I'm sure you'll have plenty to say after."
He appeared as nervous as I felt when he reached out and touched the surface of my memory. As soon as he was gone, I did the same.
Memory #1, Part 1 - 2nd April 2004
I fell into the Pensieve, landing in The Leaky Cauldron in the middle of memory Draco's stag party. Draco carefully avoided my eyes and simply scanned the room around us, finding his memory self seated at a table with a few other wizards — Harry, Blaise, Theo, and Anthony were the ones I knew by name.
"I look bloody miserable. This is my stag party? Shouldn't I be drunk and happy?" he asked.
I nodded, gesturing for him to settle in and wait. Slowly, I moved to the seat on the left side of memory Hermione, waiting for the inevitable. He stayed standing, observing everything around him. After a few minutes, memory Draco stood and made his way over to the bar, stepping up to her right.
"Granger," he drawled in greeting. "What are you doing drinking alone?"
Unable to control myself, I watched Draco's reaction to the whole scene. He was observing their interaction closely, not bothering to look at me. I couldn't blame him; he was here to see how things between us had started.
He already knew how they ended.
"Well, Malfoy, I was hoping some mysterious, handsome wizard would come in here and sweep me off my feet tonight, but I doubt that will happen with you lot around," memory Hermione retorted.
It was a bit eerie, watching our past selves converse. For Draco, this was all new, like he was watching a movie for the first time. However, for me, it was something I had seen a million times over, constantly replayed in my head.
When memory Draco spoke again, I mouthed his words along with him.
"I'm sure any one of the blokes at that table, except for maybe Potter, would consider themselves lucky to sweep you off your feet."
Memory Hermione laughed, not believing him for a single second. Again, I knew the words that she would speak by heart.
"If that were the case, I'm sure one of you would've done it by now and I wouldn't be sitting here alone, waiting for a mysterious man to chat me up."
Of course, after snapping back, she took another long sip of her martini. I remembered those nights, the drunken ones I'd had before Draco. In a way, I'd traded one vice for another — alcohol for Draco, Draco for Blaise…
Even though I hadn't seen it back then, there was a clear look of indecision on memory Draco's face, like he wanted to say something else.
Present Draco, the one who wouldn't meet my eyes, said, "I can see it. I wanted to tell you I'd always dreamed about courting you."
I just nodded, unable to face him. "I know. You told me about it after… Well, you'll see, eventually."
Memory Draco ordered another round of drinks for his table before turning back to face his counterpart.
"You know, Granger, you're tough to read. It's possible that if you opened up, one of those blokes might be the miraculous one for you."
"Like I'm going to take advice from the guy who's getting married tomorrow to a woman his parents chose for him. Why don't you go and enjoy your stag party, Malfoy?" she commented bitterly, effectively ending the conversation.
The wounded look on memory Draco's face made me wonder how this night had ever ended the way it had. I'd been such a bitch in that moment, and I felt I needed to explain my actions.
"She's jealous," I admitted. "She's lonely. Harry and Pansy are married, and James will be born soon, so she's been alone a lot. Ron and Luna are expecting their first daughter, and Ginny is off with the Harpies since it's Quidditch season."
"And Blaise?" Malfoy asked. "Aren't you two best friends?"
"We weren't yet. Blaise and I didn't get close until after our affair started," I said quietly.
I heard Malfoy mutter something, but I didn't push him for the details. As far as I was concerned, anything he said while we were in memory land was completely irrelevant.
Memory Draco walked back over to the table with the other men after that, but present Draco didn't follow him. He was carefully observing memory Hermione, looking from her to me every so often.
"You've lost weight," he observed. "She looks healthy, even if she's in a snit and lonely."
I sighed and said, "Draco, there are two kinds of lonely. This one, the one she is… She doesn't know what it's like to be one half of a whole. She thinks it's the worst possible thing that her two best friends got married and left her behind. You and I, we became a whole. We were so entwined, and once you were gone, I was a half, and I didn't know how to survive day to day without you."
His grey eyes narrowed into a glare, and I felt my heart crack again. "Well, you chose to just—"
"I know it was my choice," I interrupted, not willing to let him go on a tear about how everything that had happened was my fault. He knew nothing about what had happened between us at this point in time. "That didn't make things any easier for me after the fact. I hope that you'll understand a little bit better after you see more of our relationship."
He turned away, focusing his attention on his former self. I looked in the same direction and saw Blaise, his arm slung around a pretty blonde girl while she whispered in his ear.
And I was stunned speechless. Her hair was different, and she looked a bit older now, but I was fairly certain it was Sara.
Draco spoke, pulling me away from my thoughts of Blaise. "Can we speed this along a bit, Granger? Is there something else I need to see at this depressing stag party?"
"Just a second," I replied, moving across the room to take a better look.
I heard Draco scoff. "Are you getting jealous of some bint your boyfriend shagged three years ago?"
Bitterly, I realised that Sara had actually been more than a friend to Blaise before, and he hadn't even bothered to mention it.
One thing was for certain, though. Blaise's arm might have been around Sara, and she might have been looking up at him like he hung the moon, but his eyes were on me, watching my every move. It was odd since we weren't even friends at this point in time.
Deciding to re-examine it when I was on my own, I made my way back over to Draco. He looked annoyed with me, and I was sure he didn't like that my attention had been focused on Blaise instead of him. "Let's go to the part where I stagger upstairs," I offered. "I don't think we interact again."
He nodded, and I sped up the memory replaying around us.
When the scene resumed, memory Hermione was very drunk, and memory Draco had already moved up to his room. She looked to Hannah, and the Leaky's landlady just laughed.
"I'll give you a room, Hermione. It's clear that you won't be able to Apparate tonight."
"Hannah-Banana," she slurred, "you are seeeeeeriously the best friend a girl could everrrrr have."
Draco looked at me and raised an eyebrow.
"I'd had a little bit too much to drink," I told him, though it was more than obvious.
"I can see that." His posture was stiff, and his eyes were narrowed. "Did I really fuck you when you were nearly incoherent?"
Shaking my head, I replied, "It's not going to happen the way you think it is."
His eyes never strayed from memory Hermione.
We watched as Hannah handed her a key, telling her it was for room twelve. Before sending the drunken mess on her way, Hannah confiscated her wand. It was almost painful for me to watch my younger self try to navigate the stairs in three-inch heels while trashed.
Eventually, she reached the landing with the guest rooms and marched down the hall, only stumbling sideways once. When she got to the room she thought was hers, she jammed her key in the lock, but it wouldn't turn. She kicked the door.
"Very classy, Granger," Draco taunted, and I couldn't look at him. I was embarrassed by my younger self's behaviour.
A moment later, memory Draco opened the door, dressed casually in a white v-neck undershirt and joggers. She was momentarily speechless and then broke out into giggles since she'd never seen him dressed in anything less than a Hogwarts uniform or a full suit.
He glared at her.
"What are you doing here, Granger?" he snarled. "Did Blaise send you as some kind of pre-wedding gift?"
"Why are you in my room, Malfoy?"
Memory Draco's eyes were cold as they raked over her styled curls, makeup, short skirt and tall heels, and I knew her skin was erupting in gooseflesh. I looked over at present Draco, and he was looking her over just the same.
"I'm not," he responded. "You've just kicked my door. Don't you remember that your key didn't fit the lock?"
Face flushed from both the alcohol and her embarrassment, she took a step back from the open door.
"I'll go talk to Hannah and straighten this out," she said, somehow managing to sound more sober than she had just a few seconds ago. "Sorry to have disturbed you, Draco."
Memory Draco grabbed her wrist, keeping her close. I remembered the way it had felt, like electricity had jolted through me, and I heard my memory self suck in a sharp breath.
"What room are you in, Granger? I can tell you're pretty pissed just by looking at you and you're slurring every third word."
She didn't respond. She just stood there and stared at him, confused by the electricity and the goosebumps and her sudden attraction to him. He'd been in her orbit for the past six years, and she'd never really felt anything like this.
"Earth to Granger," memory Draco said, trying to get her attention. "Talk to me. I'll help you get to your room safely."
"Malfoy, can I ask you a question?"
"I suppose," he responded.
"If I were your girlfriend, and I snogged another girl in front of you, would you break up with me?"
Somehow, I'd forgotten about this little interlude. I looked over to present Draco and his lips were parted in surprise. His response would probably shock him even more.
"No, Granger, I wouldn't break up with you. I'd probably want to fuck you even more afterwards and, if you wanted, I'd tell you the other girl could join us."
I felt my face turning a completely unattractive shade of pink, and when I glanced at Draco, his mouth was now hanging fully open. As this particular conversation played out, I held my breath.
Memory Hermione looked stunned, but then she started laughing.
"That wasn't really an option for Ron since I snogged his sister, but he and Harry were both horrified."
"So that's what broke up the golden couples? A snog between the females?"
She nodded and said, "A drunken, heated snog."
"You're a surprise, Granger. I didn't think you'd be all that adventurous in that aspect of your life."
Under her breath, she muttered, "Pureblood prudes, the lot of you."
Memory Draco's arm snaked around her waist, pulling her closer, pressing her body against his.
"I'm no prude, Granger," he purred in her ear, making her tremble. "If I had been Potter in that situation, I would've been hard immediately. My hot, Quidditch player girlfriend snogging the daylights out of my best friend in her sexy little Muggle outfits with hair that's made for grabbing and pulling."
I remembered the way I could feel him hardening inside of his thin joggers, my knickers growing wetter by the second, his hot breath against my ear. Memory Hermione let out an aroused whimper.
"And then I would've told Weasley to get lost, friendship be damned, because I wanted his girlfriend to sit on my face while I fucked his sister. Of course, I would have let you and Ginny face each other so you could keep fooling around while I pleasured you both," he whispered.
Memory Hermione was nearly a puddle on the floor, craning her neck up and placing a kiss on his jaw.
"Or we could just forget about the Ginny part…"
"Can we stop for a second?" Draco said, interrupting the memory.
I looked over at him, waiting to see what he wanted.
"Was that all true?"
"That's what you're concerned about?" I asked. "If I really snogged Ginny?"
He shrugged. "Why wouldn't I be?"
Rolling my eyes, I replied, "Yes. That whole story was true. It's why Ron and I split up."
Draco smirked at me, and it made my heart skip a beat. Rather than continuing the inane conversation, I resumed the memory.
"Granger, you're obliterated. You wouldn't want to fuck me sober, so I'm not going to take you to bed like this."
"I'm clearly pissed, too," Draco said aloud. "I never would've spoken to you that way if I wasn't. I had no filter."
Memory Draco stepped back into his room, leaving the door wide open. When memory Hermione started to follow him, she finally got a good look at the tiny number on the door and realised it was a ten, not a twelve.
"I'm sorry for bothering you, Malfoy," she blurted, ready to retreat to her own room since he'd rejected her.
But then memory Draco grabbed her shoulder and forced her to turn back, his hand sliding down to rest on her elbow. In the other, he was holding a potion — a Sober-Up.
"Drink this. If you still… want to after, I'll tear your fucking knickers right off."
She looked at the vial for a moment, equal parts terrified and intrigued. When he started to lower it and turn away, she reached for it, uncorking it and swallowing it down.
I remembered that I didn't feel all that much different after drinking it. I still wanted him, could still feel the electricity coursing through my veins, especially since his hand was still touching my bare skin.
Memory Hermione slammed the door shut and his lips were on hers in an instant, his hands tangling in her hair. I could still remember exactly how he tasted, how this kiss somehow made me want him in ways I'd never wanted another man.
"Fuck," present Draco said, closely watching the scene playing out in front of him. "I should've known it would be like this."
As I turned to look at him, I realised his eyes were glued to his memory self's hands. They travelled down memory Hermione's back and landed firmly on her arse, squeezing and lifting her. Her thighs wrapped around his waist and he pressed her back into the wall, his hard dick rubbing against her centre as they moved.
One by one, memory Draco's hands vanished under her skirt and I knew his palms were filled with her bare arsecheeks. She started moaning and panting against his lips, the friction against her swollen clit driving her mad.
"Oh, Granger, you're so wet for me. I can feel it already, even through these pyjamas," memory Draco taunted, hiking her thighs higher around his waist, making her moan again.
My breath started to hitch when his lips landed on memory Hermione's neck in the spot that drove her wild, and I hoped present Draco didn't notice. Honestly, I hadn't thought these memories would have an effect on me, but they somehow felt different inside the Pensieve than in my mind.
"You're sure you want to do this?" he asked.
In reply, memory Hermione rocked her hips against his, trying to demonstrate that she was fine with it. But he stilled.
"Answer me," he demanded. "Do you want to fuck me?"
"Yes, Draco. I want you to fuck me."
"Fucking hell," present Draco said, breaking the tense silence that had formed between us. "We both knew I was getting married in the morning."
Even though I knew I was flushed, I turned to face him. "We did. But the connection between us—"
"I can't remember what it felt like," he interrupted.
"Can't you see it, though?" I asked, moving closer to our memory selves.
I heard Draco's footsteps approaching, following mine. The sleeve of his shirt brushed my arm as he stepped up beside me, nearly making me jump.
Swallowing hard, I watched as memory Draco's hand slid along memory Hermione's thigh, eventually reaching her knickers and stroking along the lace edging, pulling a sound of longing from her throat.
"They're — well, we, I suppose — we weren't thinking of anything," I began, my voice quiet. "We were just focused on each other, on what was happening in the moment."
"Obviously," he replied, not looking away from what was happening in front of him.
"Did you — The first time we touched in my office, did you feel anything?" I asked nervously.
With his eyes still locked on memory Hermione and Draco, he nodded, answering me nonverbally.
"This — if it felt the same for you — was like that. But multiplied by a hundred because we were drunk and our guards were down," I explained, not expecting him to react.
But I saw colour rising into his neck, his face.
"Granger, can I touch you?"
"Please," memory Hermione responded, her voice breathy.
Memory Draco's fingers slipped under her knickers and worked their way inside of her. We could see his hand moving, could tell he was fucking her with them.
"So fucking wet and tight, even with your legs wide open for me," memory Draco groaned before his lips moved back to hers.
He started rocking his hips forward, grinding against memory Hermione as his hand sped up, making her moan and murmur utter nonsense. Her fingers laced into the hair at the back of his head, holding him to her.
Turning my head, I looked at present Draco. He was biting down on his lip and his eyes were focused on what was going on in the memory. I resisted the urge to look down, to see if he was as affected by this as I was.
"Please," memory Hermione cried out, breaking their kiss. "Please, Malfoy. More."
"Listening to you beg is so fucking hot," he grunted, his arm's motions changing as he shifted his fingers around inside of her.
Memory Hermione jolted up, pleasure rocketing along her spine, and an involuntary moan escaped her lips.
"Is that what you were begging for, Hermione?" memory Draco taunted, her name emphasised.
Writhing and whimpering with pleasure, memory Hermione stared directly into memory Draco's eyes, her focus never leaving him. Her hips began to shift, moving with him.
And, just as her eyes fluttered shut and she was on the brink of coming, he withdrew his fingers.
"What the f—"
Halting her voice with a kiss, memory Draco pressed her into the wall more firmly, his hands hiking up her skirt. He murmured a spell that tore through the sides of her knickers. As he pulled his pyjama bottoms down, he broke the kiss.
"I want you to come when I'm inside of you," memory Draco explained. "Do you need me to cast the charm?"
Realisation dawned on memory Hermione, and she shook her head.
"No, I take a potion."
Memory Draco nodded and shifted, positioning himself at her entrance before stilling again. Memory Hermione rolled her eyes and rocked her hips, sliding her slit against the head of his cock, coating him with her arousal.
Groaning, memory Draco pushed forward, entering her slowly and prompting sounds of pleasure and relief to escape from both their mouths.
As his hips started to move, memory Hermione arched into him, meeting his thrusts. Her eyes fluttered shut again and she let out a whimper.
"What else?" memory Draco asked, his hips moving steadily, keeping the pace steady. "What else will make you come?"
Memory Hermione grasped his hair again, pulling his mouth down to her neck. As he started to kiss and nibble at her skin, her hand moved between them, heading for her clit.
"No," memory Draco said, halting her. "Let me. I want to be the one who gets you there, Granger."
His statement made her moan, and he grinned.
"I should have known that words would turn you on."
Present Draco inhaled sharply, pulling my attention away from the scene in front of us. He ran a hand through his hair, his eyes closed.
"Can you feel that? Is the head of my cock hitting you in just the right place? Am I rubbing you the way you like?" memory Draco asked, his mouth on her ear, his hand rubbing at her clit between them.
Memory Hermione cried out louder than she had all night and started to move faster, on the edge and desperate. When she nearly sobbed her release, memory Draco started kissing her neck, sucking when he found the spot that made her squeal.
"Fuck, you're gripping me so tight," he grunted. "I might come with you."
"Please," memory Hermione begged. "I want you to."
Present Draco groaned and moved, putting distance between us, and I knew he was struggling to contain everything he was feeling.
At the time of this coupling, I had wanted Draco to be as lost in the pleasure, in the breaking of fifteen years of tension, as I was. Witnessing it from this perspective, I could tell he was, and present Draco was just as affected by the visual.
Memory Hermione keened again, her next orgasm beginning, and memory Draco spun them away from the wall. As he sat on the edge of the bed, she unlocked her ankles, letting her legs fall and her knees sink into the mattress.
Riding him, she completely lost herself. She bounced and ground against him, chasing her pleasure. His hands roamed up and down her back, gripped her arse, tangled in her hair. He touched her as if he was memorising every inch of her.
When he tugged on her hair and tipped her head back, his lips moved to her neck again, kissing and sucking, marking her skin. Memory Hermione dug her fingernails into his shoulders, holding onto him as her movements became more and more erratic as her climax drew nearer.
Memory Draco took over the movements, his hands moving to her arse and guiding her.
"I'm close," he hissed. "Come with me, Granger."
And then she leaned forward, kissing him passionately to stifle her cries of pleasure. I knew she was coming — her face was flushed and her thighs were trembling — and, with one final thrust, he finished inside of her, collapsing back on the bed and taking her with him.
Memory Hermione laughed and he tilted her face up, meeting her eyes.
"What's so funny?" memory Draco asked.
"Well, you're wearing your shirt and I'm still in my dress."
Murmuring a spell, memory Draco smirked as the rest of their clothes vanished and then reappeared on the desk in the corner of the room, neatly folded. When they were skin-to-skin, memory Hermione sighed and nuzzled against his chest, inhaling his scent.
I looked at memory Draco. His eyes were open wide, like he was shocked, and his hands stroked up and down her back.
"I can't watch the whole night if it's like that," present Draco said, pulling me from my thoughts. His hands were running through his hair and there was a distressed look on his face. "Fuck, I just can't."
After clearing my throat, I replied, "It's okay. We don't have to. It's just more of the same until we fall asleep. We should be getting thrown from here in just a second."
He nodded and then it happened, the memory over.
When we landed back in my sitting room, I looked over at him. He wouldn't meet my eyes.
"I'm so fucking mad at you right now," Draco admitted, a scowl on his face. "I saw everything, and I can't remember how it felt or how you smelled or how your skin tasted."
"Draco—"
"Don't," he stated, halting me. "There's no point in trying to calm me down, Granger. It's not going to happen. You took something that meant far more to me than you can ever understand away from me. That moment — what we just watched — was something I had dreamed about for years."
His words stabbed me in the heart, especially because I knew they were true.
"Let's see this thing with Blaise the next morning," he continued, gesturing to the Pensieve. "I want to see how he got me away from you. It can't have been easy after a night of that."
Panic flooded through me, though I wasn't sure why. Maybe because I'd seen Blaise with Sara in the previous memory and was worried she'd turn up again. I tried to avoid the situation. "I didn't wake up while he was there."
"Get my memory of it then, Granger. You said you've got them." He finally looked at me, a challenge written across his face. "Let's see how your new boyfriend convinced me to marry Astoria after I'd spent the night buried inside of you."
"I… Are you sure?" I asked. "We're only supposed to look at one—"
"As far as I'm concerned, this is one. It's all within a few hours, right?"
I nodded. "It'll take me a few minutes to find the right vial."
"Didn't you watch it?" Draco questioned. "You know, when you Obliviated me?"
"No. It's more complicated than that." As tears started to threaten, I tried to explain. "I would think of a day, a time, an event — something I could see the start of and recognise — and remove it. I didn't watch much of anything. I didn't think to; I was trying to get it done as quickly and painlessly as possible."
I could tell his emotions were conflicted; he was happy I hadn't seen everything, but still furious that I'd done it at all.
"Well, let's get on with it, then," he prompted, and I knew he wouldn't let it go until I'd agreed.
Taking a deep breath, I summoned the chest, setting it on the table beside the Pensieve. When Draco saw it, he looked like he wanted to step forward and rifle through all the things I'd saved.
But he didn't.
I removed the notes and letters, leafing through them one by one, and found the one he'd left that first morning. I wasn't sure why I'd saved it — especially since it was supposed to be a one-off — but I'd brought it home with me from the Leaky and set it aside.
"This is the note you left me," I said, offering it to Draco, but he shook his head.
"I want to see the memory first."
Of course, the memories were at the bottom, so I continued taking things out of the trunk. My journals, the little dragon figurine, the red Cartier box.
The perfume.
The sight of the bottle made him step forward. He picked it up and held it to his nose. Again, his eyes went momentarily blank.
"The Christmas gifts… They were for you," Draco said, putting it all together. "All of them. That's why Astoria didn't have them."
I nodded, confirming what he'd said without speaking.
He sighed. "You stopped wearing this after the lift."
"I had to," I replied quietly. "I couldn't take the chance you'd link it to me. You hadn't, at least to my knowledge."
"I… checked, the next time I got close to you. I wanted to know if it was yours."
My eyes squeezed shut. Of course he had.
Since I didn't respond, he asked, "Who told you I'd put it together?"
Knowing he'd react poorly, I hesitated. "Your father."
"Fuck, Granger! Why? Why were you in contact with my father after all of this?"
Right after I'd plucked the right vial from the trunk, I felt his hand on my upper arm, the heat radiating through my sleeve. Turning me to face him, he looked down at me, focusing on me intently for the first time that night.
"Why would you even consider speaking to him?" he asked, his tone more desperate than I'd heard so far. "He threatened you and your parents. Why wouldn't you just stay away from him?"
"Can we just watch this?" I pleaded. "I don't think I can even begin to explain the way your parents have insinuated themselves into my life over the past two years. I'll show you, though. I promise I'll tell you everything, just… not tonight."
His grip on my arm tightened slightly. "They didn't leave you be?"
I shook my head. "Not really, no."
Reading the emotions on my face correctly, he backed off, releasing me and gesturing to the Pensieve. I opened the vial and tipped it in, seeing the room at the Leaky shimmering up at us. This time, I was the one who was unsure about diving in. I didn't want to see Blaise's reaction to finding me with Draco.
"Let's go," he said.
Shakily, I brought my fingers to the surface of the memory and fell through, praying that Blaise hadn't said anything that was going to make me even more upset.
Memory #1, Part 2 - 3rd April 2004
There was a knock at the door and memory Draco's eyes shot open. He looked down at memory Hermione and I saw the panic on his face.
"Oh, fuck," he whispered.
The door to the room opened and he murmured a spell, likely blocking the sound from waking her. He also ensured she was entirely covered, which I was thankful for.
When Blaise strode in, a huge grin on his face, he nearly tripped over his own feet at the sight of memory Hermione.
"Mate, what the fuck were you thinking?"
Memory Draco shook his head. "I wasn't."
"Obviously!" Blaise spat. "You pick the night before your wedding to finally make a move on Granger?"
Present Draco and I both watched as memory Draco's hand played with memory Hermione's hair. She was still asleep, still snuggled into his side.
"I swear, it wasn't like that," memory Draco replied, looking down at her face. "I wouldn't have. She thought this was her room and we… She said some things, and then I said some things, and we just sort of… collided."
Blaise scoffed. "And what, Draco? She just magically ended up naked and bouncing on your cock?"
"Don't talk about her like that, like she's just some random witch. You know how I feel about her," memory Draco said through gritted teeth. "Better late than never, right?"
"Wrong!" Blaise shook his head. "You should've sent her on her way!"
"I couldn't. You know I couldn't!"
"So you're going to abandon Astoria on your wedding day? Embarrass her in front of everyone we've known since we were kids because Granger deigned to spread her legs for you after all these years? Do you honestly think things would work out between the two of you?"
Blaise's words shocked me. They were crass and horrible, meant to cut Draco down to the core.
When Draco didn't answer, Blaise continued. "It's time to let go of this childish fantasy, Draco. You've been wanking to her since we were teenagers. You've had a taste—"
"One taste is not enough," memory Draco said, interrupting him. "She's better than I ever imagined. And she knew what we were doing last night. I made sure she was sober and wanted me before I even laid a finger on her."
"Mate, I hate to remind you of this, but your father will never allow you to skip out on the betrothal contract now. And she"—Blaise gestured at memory Hermione—"won't want to be anywhere near your family. If you two were going to make amends, it would've happened long before now."
As I watched memory Draco, I could see the doubt creeping in. He'd been so happy and sure while we were together the previous night, but as Blaise spoke, he looked more and more conflicted. I turned to face present Draco and he was just staring blankly at Blaise, likely feeling as shocked as I did.
"How am I supposed to leave her?" memory Draco asked, looking down at memory Hermione's face. "She's going to hate me for this. I'm not exaggerating when I say there was a connection like I've never felt before between us last night."
"It was sex, Draco," Blaise said, rolling his eyes. "Her cunt is no different than the one I was buried in last night."
I inhaled sharply and present Draco looked over at me. I could only imagine the horror that was written across my face.
"Really nice, Granger," he stated. "I can see why you're fucking him now."
Tears welled in my eyes. I'd never seen this side of Blaise. To see him saying these things, acting like I was less than Astoria… It hurt. It fucking hurt.
"It wasn't just sex," memory Draco replied. "It was more than that. She felt it, too."
"Did you make her come?" Blaise asked.
Memory Draco's face reddened. "Of course I did. I'm not selfish—"
"That's what she felt, then. She's never tried to befriend you. We've worked in the DMLE for over five years now. How many times have you spoken to her about something unrelated to a case? Or a book?"
"Not many," Draco admitted. "We're cordial enough."
"Is that enough to give up the marriage you agreed to? To hurt someone who's been nothing but kind and accommodating while you made up your mind?" Blaise questioned.
"But what if—"
Blaise held up a hand. "Stop. You can say 'what if' a million times. It doesn't change the fact that you're about two hours from being married and Granger used you last night."
Memory Draco looked down at her again. "Do you really think that's what it was? She just wanted to fuck?"
"I can't say for sure, but don't you think she would've approached you before now if she were interested in you?"
I waved my hand and stopped the memory, looking over at present Draco. His eyes were fixed on the bed, on the way our past selves were cuddled together. Memory Draco's fingers were still stroking memory Hermione's curls, touching her like he'd never have the chance to again.
"Have you seen enough?" I asked quietly.
He looked up. "Obviously you have."
"Well, I think we get the idea of what happened."
There were tears in my eyes and my throat felt tight. I was surprised I could speak clearly.
"I think you need to see this just as much as I do," Draco responded. "He obviously isn't speaking very highly of you."
Squeezing my eyes shut, I said, "He's changed a lot since then. He stopped sleeping around—"
"Granger, let's just finish it. I'm sure there's not much more to go."
I wasn't sure if I could.
He challenged me again. "If you really believe he's changed, watching the rest of this shouldn't matter."
As usual, I relented, nodding and following his lead.
When the memory resumed, memory Draco looked up at Blaise.
"I suppose she would have," he said quietly. "But I'm going to hate myself if I don't at least find out—"
"And what about her?" Blaise asked. "Do you think it's fair to put her on the spot — the morning of your wedding — and ask her to decide if she wants to make a go of something? After one night?"
Glancing back down at me, memory Draco said, "No. It's not fair, and she deserves better than me, anyway."
"Mate, you need to be gone when she wakes up. Otherwise, you're never going to be able to leave her. Write her a note and let's get out of here," Blaise replied, conjuring a piece of parchment. "Tell her that you're sorry and you shouldn't have done this."
As Blaise persuaded Draco to leave me, I felt so angry. I hadn't realised exactly how big of a part he'd played. If he hadn't shown up that morning, would Draco have talked to me?
Would he have married Astoria?
Slowly, memory Draco extricated himself from memory Hermione's limbs and I saw her reaching for him, frowning at his absence. Before he'd moved, she had felt safe and warm, felt the connection that had developed after only one night start to break.
The tears that Blaise's words had brought to my eyes finally spilled, running down my cheeks as I remembered how I'd felt when I'd woken up alone.
Memory Draco dressed quickly and Blaise watched him almost the whole time. Occasionally, his eyes would stray to memory Hermione when she shifted or grumbled in her sleep, the charm that had been cast around her blocking out the noise.
When memory Draco took the parchment, his face was tormented. As he held the quill, his hand shook.
"I don't know what to say."
Blaise looked at him with sympathy. "I already told you. Apologise. Tell her you're getting married today and that you shouldn't have done this. Maybe in another life, Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger could've worked out. Something like that."
My breath caught. Draco had written that exact line. In another life, Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger could've worked out. If there had been no Voldemort, no arranged marriages, no obstacles, he would have chosen me over and over again.
I looked at Blaise, observed the way he carefully watched what memory Draco was writing and the way his eyes kept flicking to memory Hermione. To anyone else, it would've appeared that he was checking to make sure she was still asleep. But his eyes were filled with desire. Watching this now — after being in a relationship with him — I knew what Blaise's eyes looked like when he wanted me.
And then I second guessed myself. Was I full of myself? Simply assuming that both of these men wanted me made me think so.
Could Blaise, the one who'd been so supportive and patient and waited almost a full year after the affair to approach me, be that manipulative?
Present Draco tried to look over his memory self's shoulder. I grabbed his arm. "No need. You can read it when we're done in here."
In all honesty, I could've recited his written words from memory.
When memory Draco had finished writing the note, he picked it up with shaking hands and moved back to the bed, leaning down to press one final kiss to memory Hermione's temple. He set the note down on the pillow beside her and pulled away quickly, moving towards the door before he could change his mind. Blaise followed him out, taking one last look at memory Hermione as they left the room.
The world spun and Draco and I landed back in my house.
While I knew he'd seen my tears, I turned away, unable to face him right now. Blaise's actions — his words — had affected me in a way I hadn't expected. From the way he'd watched me in the pub to the way he'd artfully gotten Draco to walk away to the final glance he'd taken as he left the room at the inn… It was clear that he'd been interested in me, even then.
"Granger?" Draco said hesitantly.
I felt my shoulders slump forwards. "What?"
"Do we… talk about this?"
"No," I answered. "I am not going to talk about this. Not with you."
"But—"
Whipping around, I said, "There is nothing to talk about, Draco. You listened to Blaise and walked out that day. Just like you walked out hundreds of times after that."
The anger felt better than the tears, even if it would burn out quickly.
"Did you see how he manipulated me?"
"Of course I did! But I also saw how you didn't really put up a fight, either," I hissed. "Do you want to know what happened when I woke up and found that note?"
When he swallowed, I could see his throat bobbing. "Yes."
"I spent two hours rereading it and thinking that I was crazy. I felt the connection between us, just like you had, and you left! You just walked out and left me a note like you regretted what happened," I replied, wiping at my eyes. "And, to top it off, I got to look at photos from your wedding in the paper the next day and wonder if you'd made her feel the way I did that night."
"I hurt you," he stated.
"Draco, all we've ever done — all we do — is hurt each other."
The truth of the statement crashed over me. From the very first night — the way he'd abandoned me when I thought there was something special between us — to the way I'd Obliviated him without really considering the alternatives, we hurt each other. The jealousy, the arguments, the stolen moments… We just hurt each other.
"Then why did we stay together for so long?"
My eyes were stinging, running dry. I'd shed too many tears already.
"I already told you," I said, looking straight at him. "You make me weak. I couldn't say no."
"I don't believe that for a second," Draco replied. "There needs to be a reason other than that."
"What do you want me to say? That I loved you?" I glared at him, my temper taking over again. "Fine. I loved you. I loved you more than anything, and it all started in that stupid fucking room in the Leaky."
"And I loved you."
It was a statement, not a question, but I answered him anyway.
"You did. We loved each other, and we hurt each other. Over and over and over until I finally broke. I couldn't keep doing it, and Astoria was pregnant, and your father threatened my parents, so I just went along with what he asked me to do."
His hands moved to his hips. "I don't understand any of this."
I chewed my cheek, trying to figure out how else to explain it.
In the end, I settled on, "You will once you see the rest."
"Tomorrow?" he asked.
I shook my head. "No. I need a day between memories."
"But—"
"Draco, I said no. I need time." I covered my face with my hands. "As hard as this is for you, I'm struggling, too."
After a moment, he said, "Fine. Friday, then?"
"Friday. Same time."
He hesitated before stepping into the Floo, looking back and parting his lips like he was going to say something. But he didn't, and I wondered what words he'd left unsaid.
Author's Note: See - I made sure Draco was somewhat of a gentleman. They sobered up before shagging. lol
At some point on Saturday afternoon or Sunday, I'll be posting some Blaise POV to this collection. It will be entitled "Always Waiting" and it goes back in time further than anything I've posted thus far. As we see significant moments with Blaise, I'll be adding to it.