As soon as I arrived at Grimmauld Place, three little pairs of feet thundered towards me and I braced myself, knowing that tiny arms would wrap around my legs.

"Auntie Mi!"

I smiled and ran my hand over Stella's strawberry blonde curls before ruffling James' messy dark hair. Sev struggled to get through and reach me as well.

"Will you guys let her come into the house?" Harry laughed, picking the boys up.

I reached down and lifted Stella, looking into her cornflower blue eyes. She grinned and kissed my cheek in greeting, shy as ever.

Ron stepped up beside me and held his arms open. I leaned into his embrace, keeping Stella on my hip.

"How are you?" he asked, squeezing me tight.

"I'm okay." He pulled back and looked at me sceptically. "Really, I am. I'm doing okay; it's hard and a little confusing, but…" I gave him a half-shrug with my free arm. "If you don't believe me, talk to Harry."

"I just want to make sure you know I'm here if you need me. I don't have to verify anything."

"Of course I know," I answered, smiling at him. "But today's not about me or any of that. We're just going to spend the afternoon in the garden and watch the kids play. It'll be a nice break for me."

Harry scoffed. "I doubt that. I'm sure Pansy will give you the third degree at some point."

"Neville and Hannah are here and George and Angelina should be coming by after the shop closes for the day," Ron said, likely giving me time to prepare myself. "It's turned into a little party."

Even though I was feeling a little rough around the edges, I was happy for the opportunity to catch up with a few others, especially Hannah.

"Well, that sounds wonderful. It'll be good to see everyone."

"Shall we head outside?" Harry asked. "The boys and Stella were waiting for you to get here."

I nodded and started making my way towards the stairs, still carrying Ron's daughter. After squirming out of his father's hold, James ran up beside me and started babbling happily, telling me about the new Quidditch figurines he'd gotten earlier in the week.

The sound of his chatter made me want to laugh. I stifled it and went along with everything he was saying. Stella, on the other hand, was quietly observing every inch of Grimmauld Place as we walked through to the back garden.

As soon as we stepped outside, Luna came over and took her daughter, a bright smile on her face. She was nearly glowing and her happiness was infectious. "Hello, Hermione. It's good to see you again."

Harry and Ron continued walking towards the group on the other side of the garden, leaving me with Luna. I waited for whatever strange proclamation was coming, but she didn't say anything at all.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, returning her smile.

She rubbed a hand over her abdomen. "I'm doing quite well so far. I've been brewing my special prenatal tea and making plenty of puddings. Between that and the sex, Ron's happier than ever."

Disguising a laugh with a cough, I said, "That's great."

She'd always been an open book and some things never changed.

"Yes, I love the second trimester. It's by far the most fun for me." Her blue eyes sparkled. "I've been dreaming about you."

The strange segue would've surprised me from anyone else, but not from Luna. "Have you?"

Setting Stella down to run with James and Sev, she said, "I have, in a roundabout way. Otters and dragons everywhere. They're talking to me and we're writing a story together."

As usual, she left things vague, making me wonder what would turn up in her next children's book and if Draco would pick it up for Scorpius and think of me.

We'd be through the memories by the time she published it.

"Well, the kids do love your stories so I'm glad I could help," I replied, walking towards where Harry and Pansy were standing together.

Luna grabbed my hand and squeezed it lightly, making me pause. "Is everything okay with you, Hermione? You know I take the meaning of my dreams very seriously, and the otter — she's struggling."

Turning to her, I said, "You know I don't put much stock in Divination or dream interpretation. Draco and I have been spending time together and watching the memories. There's no deeper meaning in your dreams."

She blinked and her dreamy eyes scanned me from head to toe. "Ah. You don't want to talk about it. I see."

"It's not that," I answered quietly. "It's just... there's nothing to tell. We're going through the past and it's a bit confusing."

Inside my chest, all the emotions I'd been feeling over the past week started swirling again. As crazy as her dreams were, she had an eerie way of reading things properly, of knowing what people were feeling before they even knew themselves.

However, luckily for me, Luna also knew when to back off. She started walking again, leading me towards Pansy and changing the subject. "Do you think that Ron would go for the name Hugo?"

"Hugo?" I asked absentmindedly, still trying to push my feelings back into the little box I normally kept them in.

"For our son," she replied, settling her other hand over her belly. My surprise must have shown, making her laugh. "We haven't found out officially. I just know this one is a boy."

The thought of a miniature version of Ron running around, messy red hair and sparkling blue eyes, made me smile again. Like always, Luna had known what to say to distract me.

"I think Hugo is perfect, and he'll love it."

All afternoon, I ran around with the kids and caught up with the adults. For weeks, I'd been in the Draco bubble and hadn't really kept up with what was going on in their lives. Harry and Pansy were busier than ever, looking after two toddlers and a newborn. Ron and George were preparing to open a branch of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes near Beauxbatons in France. I tried to imagine girls like Fleur buying Boxing Telescopes or Portable Swamps and I just couldn't. They'd always been so proper and poised when they were at Hogwarts for the Triwizard Tournament.

I hoped the boys had a mischievous streak.

Other than Luna and Hannah, we were all a little buzzed, enjoying the lazy Saturday with wine and firewhisky. At first, the loneliness had crept in as I watched the interactions between all the couples surrounding me. It was a familiar feeling, but it had somehow changed over the years.

Before Draco, it had been all-consuming to the point where I could barely stand to be around my coupled-off friends. While I was with him, it had dulled to an ache, but mostly I'd just found myself wishing he was there with me.

Even when he was with Astoria, I knew he would come back.

But after the Obliviation, I was on my own again and I learned to take comfort in the stability of those around me. Years had passed, and Harry and Pansy and Ron and Luna's relationships had persevered. If they could find lasting love, I could too. And I'd clung to Blaise, hoping he would be the one I could count on.

During the months I was with him, he'd made sure I never felt alone, and it had worked — until Draco returned and reminded me of what I'd had before. There had been no need for distraction; I'd just felt him with me nearly all the time.

As I thought about it, my chest tightened and my throat constricted, cutting off my air supply. The memory of Draco and the way I'd felt when I was with him completely overwhelmed me. I wanted that again — effortless, reciprocal love.

I needed room to breathe.

When I stepped away and sat down on one of the benches in the yard, Pansy and Hannah noticed and followed me. They bookended me, Pansy on my left and Hannah on my right, and waited for me to say something.

I didn't. The grief that had somehow crept in choked me, like a hand wrapped around my throat.

"Why'd you try to sneak away?" Pansy asked, breaking the silence and draping her arm over my shoulders.

"I just needed a minute." I forced myself to speak. "I've been on my own a lot lately, so it was getting a bit overwhelming."

While I knew I should have been honest with her, I couldn't bring myself to say I'd been thinking about Draco and wishing that I had the kind of happy, steady relationship that she did.

She squeezed me tight. "Are you thinking about Blaise?"

Stiffening, I asked, "Why would I be thinking about him?"

"Well, you two came to the past few parties together," Pansy began. "I wasn't sure if being here with all of us brought things to the surface for you."

I didn't know how to tell her that I didn't miss Blaise at all. My anger had replaced any love I'd felt for him as soon as he'd left without bothering to speak to me. "Honestly, if that were the case, I'd barely be able to go anywhere."

Hannah spoke up. "We just wanted to make sure you were okay. We know you're going through a lot right now."

"I'm always going through a lot, it seems," I answered, trying to brush it off. "Really, I'm more settled than I've been in a long time. Being here with all of you doesn't hurt the way it used to."

"And how's Draco?" Pansy asked, not bothering to use any kind of segue.

I thought back to the previous night and how his hand had felt in mine. When he'd offered it, I'd resisted for only a second and then clung to his arm without any hesitation. The contact soothed me more than anything else ever could and the way he'd felt awkward about it afterwards had been endearing.

"You're so subtle, Pansy," Hannah said, her tone dry. "Why not just ask her if they've fallen into bed together yet?"

I laughed. "He's fine. And no, nothing like that has happened. We're still working our way through the memories, but he's not angry anymore, so that's something."

"You're to the point where you found out Astoria was pregnant, right?" Pansy asked, and I felt my lips part in shock. "Harry told me."

Shaking my head, I internally debated telling them what happened. All week, we'd been getting closer and closer, and I'd given into temptation last night when he took my hand. It was big, but I wasn't sure if they would judge me for getting that close to him again.

I felt claustrophobic and shook them off, rising to my feet. When I turned to face them, they looked a little nervous.

"I'm not angry," I began, "but I need space if we're going to talk about this."

"Of course," Hannah said.

At the same time, Pansy blurted, "There's something to talk about?"

Rubbing my hands up and down my arms, I sighed, remembering how it had felt when Draco did it. "Maybe? I'm not sure. It's all very—I can't describe it."

"I'm sure you can find the words," Pansy stated in her blunt way. "Spill, Granger."

When I heard my last name, I immediately thought of him and the dam broke.

Halfway through my retelling of the events of the past week, Pansy summoned Harry over and said, "Get the wine. We have a lot to discuss."

He looked at me cautiously. "Is everything okay?"

"We're fine," she replied before I could answer. "She needs someone who knows Draco right now, not someone who knows her."

Again, Harry's eyes darted to me and I nodded. "It's not much more than what I've already told you. Don't worry."

"Did something happen last night?" he asked, clearly worried that Pansy would manage to set me off.

"Yes and no," I answered. "Talking it through is helping. And she's right, I do need someone who understands Draco."

With a nod, he walked over to the makeshift bar they'd created and retrieved wine and two glasses, thoughtfully grabbing Hannah another bottle of water.

Once he left us on our own again, Pansy looked to me and motioned for me to tip back some of the wine.

I did, and then I looked straight at them.

"All week, he's wanted to comfort me. He's been checking in while we talk or watch memories and he came over before work one morning," I said, starting to let it all out. "And Penelope has been telling me that I need to figure out what I want from him, so naturally I've been going back and looking at the past instead of focusing on the future."

"Well, I think it's sensible to look at the past. I'm sure you've learned something," Hannah replied. "Don't be too hard on yourself."

"It's hard to look back and think about how I just… gave up. Lucius threatened me, and I didn't fight back at all. That's not who I'm supposed to be."

Pansy narrowed her eyes. "And who, exactly, are you supposed to be?"

"I'm supposed to be stronger than that. I'm not supposed to need anyone to tell me what's best for me or what I should do!"

"Hermione—"

I shook my head, stopping Hannah before she could even start. "No, you don't understand. When Lucius threatened me, I immediately ran to Blaise. I didn't even think things through. I thought he would help me, and I guess he did in a way, but it looks so different now that I know he was in love with me the whole time—"

Pansy cut me off. "Don't beat yourself up about this. You were so wrapped up in Draco that, of course, you didn't realise it. And then, after everything, I pushed you towards Blaise. I shouldn't have done that. You clearly weren't ready."

"It wasn't only you. I wanted to move on. I wanted to feel better and to prove to all of you that I was going to be okay."

"But you shouldn't have felt like you had to prove anything," Pansy said, and I could tell that she was angry with herself. "Yes, we wanted you to feel better, but we wanted it to be real, not something you were forcing and faking."

I took a deep breath. "Somewhere along the way, it stopped feeling like faking. It took me three months to agree to go out with him after you gave me that little push, and I thought I was happy until Draco came around again. I trusted Blaise more than I've ever trusted anyone." Sighing, I added, "I thought he understood me and loved me, even though I came with a ton of baggage."

"He loved you," Pansy stated, looking up at me. "Hell, I'd even say he still loves you, but he knew that you would always love Draco."

I frowned, still thinking that he couldn't possibly love me and just leave like that.

"So, when Draco came back, Blaise got all jealous and possessive, like a typical arse," Hannah mumbled. "I was rooting for him. He'd been so good to you, and you seemed happy."

"Like I said, I thought I was too. Deep down, I realised that he cared for me a lot more than I cared for him, but I hoped what I felt would grow into more over time."

"Until Draco came back," Hannah said, worrying her lower lip.

I nodded. "Until Draco came back. I'd had no intentions of breaking up with him, though. I might have asked for some space and time, but I wasn't going to leave him for Draco."

"I owled him," Pansy admitted. "Sent a Howler clear to Italy. I couldn't stand that he'd left things the way he had after wanting a chance with you for so long."

My stomach flipped; I hadn't wanted anyone to reach out to him. We'd both done things wrong and, while I would miss his friendship, I intended to leave things as they were.

"Did he respond?"

Pansy nodded. "He basically told me to stay out of it. He loves you, but he couldn't keep watching you slip away."

"Well, I suppose he could've said a lot worse," I responded. "I'm still angry he didn't bother to have a proper discussion with me, but I wouldn't have been receptive to it anyway. Not after he went through all my journals."

Hannah sighed. "I still can't believe he vanished like that."

"This is classic self-sabotage. He purposely blew up the relationship," Pansy said, shaking her head. "He wanted to make sure there was no chance you'd ever take him back. It's not quite as extreme as using memory modification to end a relationship, but—"

Not so subtly interrupting Pansy, Hannah asked, "So, back to Draco... he's been trying to comfort you?"

"I've been a bit more emotional in front of him. Penelope told me I should be honest about how the memories are affecting me. I was pushing it all down at the beginning," I explained. "He said it hurt to see me crying and not be able to help."

Pansy crossed her arms over her chest. "You were upset the night I popped in last week."

"I was, but Draco was trying to sort me out. I just... It's feeling like a lot, and it's all happening so quickly. I've only got two more memories to show him, and then what? We just go back to ignoring each other again?"

"Of course not," Hannah said, her eyes twinkling. "Have you let him comfort you?"

I was surprised by the suggestive tone of her voice. "Hannah!"

She smirked. "It's a valid question. The two of you started out just sleeping together, right?"

I felt my cheeks flushing and that was enough of an answer for Pansy and Hannah.

"Right, so, have you taken comfort in Draco?"

Pansy snickered. "I think you meant to ask if he's taken comfort in her."

"We haven't had sex!" I hissed. "Honestly, you're acting like we're teenagers."

"Are you sure?" Pansy asked, trying to goad me.

"Of course we haven't! That would be a disaster and you know it!"

She shrugged. "Or it would clear a whole lot up for both of you. If you're anything like Harry and me—"

"Stop right there," I said, holding a hand up. "Things between Draco and me are anything but clear right now. There's so much baggage between us. We need to sort through it all before we even think about jumping into bed."

"But you want to," Hannah said.

"Want to what?"

"Jump into bed with him when you've finished unpacking, so to speak," she replied, wiggling her eyebrows.

I didn't understand why they seemed suddenly supportive of a relationship between Draco and me, but it was more confusing than anything else. While I knew I should be honest with them, they were making me feel uneasy.

"Lighten up, Granger," Pansy said, meeting my eyes. "There are no ulterior motives here, and we're trying to tell you that everyone — well, everyone who's here today, anyway — would be fine with you taking a real chance with Draco if that's what you wanted."

Snorting a laugh, I rolled my eyes. "Oh really? Have you discussed that with Ronald?"

"Okay, maybe not him, but you know Luna would calm him down," Pansy stated. "If it's what you want—"

Running a hand through my hair, I huffed out a breath. "I don't know what I want. Not really."

"Hermione," Hannah began cautiously, "you hardly batted an eye when Blaise left and you've been spending every night with Draco, just like you used to. Are you sure you don't know? Or are you just telling yourself that?"

Her words shocked me, mainly because she'd never spoken to me so frankly before. When I glanced at Pansy, I could tell she was impressed with Hannah.

"Fine. I'm always going to want to jump into bed with Draco," I amended, swallowing my pride. "But, beyond that, I don't know what I want. We've hurt each other over and over again."

The questions were making me think and I was glad I'd be seeing Penelope on Monday morning; I'd have a list of things to discuss with her by then if this inquisition kept up.

"Because he was married," Pansy said more gently than I ever would've expected. "He and Astoria are divorcing now."

When my head snapped up, she shrugged. "I still get all the pureblood gossip, even if I don't run in those circles anymore. Plus Daphne has been filling me in. I know about the blood curse and the night Astoria spent with Marcus Flint, and she told me that Draco will be moving out of their house soon."

"Astoria spent the night with Marcus Flint?" I asked, surprised.

Pansy nodded. "She did."

Pressing my fingers against my eyes, I groaned. Astoria's actions had no effect on my life. "The divorce doesn't erase everything that happened in the past," I told her, trying not to get my hopes up. "We would have to start over and learn to trust each other again. That won't be easy."

"Of course it won't. Do you think it was easy for Harry to trust me after I fucked off for weeks and wouldn't answer him?"

"No—"

"You know it wasn't," she continued, not really pausing to let me get a word in. "But we eventually talked it all through, and look at us now."

She had a point, but their situation was completely different from ours.

"Eventually?" Hannah prompted.

"Yes, eventually," she replied, smirking. "After we fucked each other's brains out for a few days."

Unfortunately, I'd taken a sip of wine just as Pansy started speaking. I choked on it.

As I coughed and sputtered, she paid me no mind, continuing her soliloquy. "And I know that breaking up with him isn't quite the same as wiping his memories, but I'm going to tell you what Harry told me — you just need to forgive yourself. Dwelling on it isn't going to change the past."

"We're not here to push you into anything," Hannah said reassuringly. "We just wanted to make sure you were okay and let you know that we're here if you want to talk, even if there's something going on between you two."

"Especially if there's something going on between the two of you," Pansy emphasised. "I didn't get to hear about it last time."

After considering for a minute, I decided I didn't want to keep everything to myself this time around. I wanted my friends to know, just in case it all blew up in my face.

"We..." I sighed dramatically, knowing that Pansy was going to make fun of this. "We held hands. In the Pensieve, while we were watching a memory."

Hannah bit her lower lip to stifle her grin and Pansy said, "You held hands. Like some fourth years walking to classes?"

I nodded. "We did. And then we didn't really talk about it afterwards, and now we're not seeing each other today."

"I think that's sweet," Hannah said. "Even more so because you're all nervous about it now."

Covering my face with my hands, I sat down between them again. I felt their arms snake around my shoulders and waist.

"Oh, Granger," Pansy teased. "Who knew hand-holding would get you all hot and bothered?"

"I am not hot and bothered," I whinged. "I'm confused and fucked up and so angry at myself."

"It's just like Pansy said, you need to let it go," Hannah stated. "I know it's easier said than done, but what happened in the past is in the past, and you can't do anything to change it."

Groaning, I raked my fingertips down my face. "I know that, but this shit — these feelings — they won't go away."

"You should talk to him," Pansy replied. "He's had a case of feelings since fifth year. He might have suggestions."

"I need to sort myself out before I even think about talking to Draco. I need to be one-hundred percent sure I want to take that chance."

"When do you see Penelope?" Pansy asked, squeezing my shoulders.

"Monday morning," I answered, tilting my head back and looking up at the sky. "But I have to see Draco tomorrow night."

She smirked in response. "Are you worried that the handholding has changed everything?"

"Of course it has," Hannah said, and when I looked at her, I could practically see little hearts in her eyes. "They held onto each other while watching a difficult — I'm assuming it was difficult?" I nodded. "A difficult memory! They're leaning on each other for support."

Was that true for Draco? Was he leaning on me or just trying to comfort me?

Pansy rolled her eyes. "Of course he needs you just as much as you need him. Don't be stupid."

"What?" I asked, surprised.

"I can read your face. You were wondering if he was really relying on you. He was," she explained. "He didn't have to agree to watch the memories with you. He could've stopped at any time and demanded that you just give them to him. He's wanted this time with you, even if he was angry."

"Pansy, I don't think he wanted anything to do with this, especially at the beginning."

She blinked. "He's loved you for years. He's taken any little scrap of attention you were willing to give him and run with it. Whether it was a book discussion or a sarcastic exchange, he's savoured it. Did you really think he'd just let it go when he found out you'd actually been in love with him, too?"

"Yes," I answered honestly. "He was very clear that he only agreed to it to get his memories back, not to spend time with me."

"He was angry," Hannah said, drawing my attention. "Now that he's cooled off, I'm willing to bet he's looking at things in a much different light."

I thought about the way things had progressed between us. At the beginning, he'd been hostile and hadn't cared about my feelings at all. When I was uncomfortable, he made me feel worse. But, with each subsequent memory, he'd slowly warmed to me. Since we hadn't really discussed it in any detail, I wasn't sure when or why his feelings had shifted.

The first time I really remembered a marked difference in him was the Christmas memory. He'd felt guilty about leaving me alone on Christmas and that I'd had to hide the gifts from everyone.

"Things have changed," I admitted reluctantly. "But I still don't think that Draco has really forgiven me."

Pansy shook her head. "You're being daft. I'm sure it's perfectly clear that he was an arse in the memories, and he knows how it all ends. After how long he's loved you, there's no way it's easy for him to watch."

Chewing my cheek, I debated telling her about what he'd said when we were watching the boys play.

Steeling myself, I met her eyes. "He told me that he'd imagined having a family with me. Kids running around, a house, all of it."

"And he brought Scorpius over," Pansy replied. "He still imagines it, even if he won't admit it."

I could still imagine it too — Scorpius as a brother to a little boy or girl who was the perfect mix of Draco and me, days like today spent with our friends, holidays and birthdays and date nights.

My breath hitched. For so long, this vision of the future had vanished. Honestly, I hadn't been able to imagine these things with Blaise at all.

Even with everything that had happened between us, I would be willing to chase a happily ever after with Draco if he wanted to try.

But I knew I couldn't get my hopes up. He'd used past tense, saying he'd wanted all that with me, not that he still did.

"Don't let him leave without talking after you show him the last memory," Pansy said, reading my expression. "Tell him that you're willing to give it another go if he is."

It was obvious that she wasn't going to give up, and I wasn't sure why she cared so much. She'd been the one to push me towards Blaise and that had been a disaster.

"Pansy, I appreciate your support, but ultimately, this will be a decision that Draco and I have to make together," I began, standing my ground. "We both have feelings, yes, but sometimes that's just not enough."

She held her hands up in surrender and Hannah didn't chime in. They both knew I was right, that love wasn't always enough.

Secretly, I hoped that it would be this time around.

Author's Note: Thank you all for sticking with me through the more spaced-out updates.

I've been working on this story almost non-stop for two years, and I finally hit a block. Bear with me while I make sure I'm tying up all the loose ends!

Chapter 59 will post on June 19th.

As always, I'm on Tumblr as PotionChemist, Facebook as K.N. PotionChemist, and TikTok as PotionChemist.