As soon as we landed back in Hermione's sitting room, I reached for her, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her flush against my body. I was painfully hard — had been for the last hour — and I couldn't keep fighting this attraction, this need to be with her. She gasped, somehow surprised that we were ending up in this position.
Maybe she'd expected that I'd want to talk about it first, but fuck, I couldn't watch any more memories or continue to discuss our problems to death.
I needed to touch her, to taste her, to truly know what it was like to be with her.
Looking down at her lips, I ran my tongue along mine, wetting them. Her eyes followed the movement and her breathing hitched. Internally, I counted to three, giving her time to pull away if she really didn't want this to happen.
And then I kissed her.
When our lips touched, her hands went into my hair, trying to pull me closer, and she let out a whimper. Immediately, I was assaulted with sensation, with the feeling that I had done this before. Obviously, I had, but it was as if kissing her and holding her close had unlocked the sensory memories I'd been missing. The heat of her skin, the taste of her tongue, the way her gentle curves felt against my hard planes.
It was overwhelming but entirely welcome.
Groaning, I started to touch her more urgently. I was desperate to relearn the other things I'd been thinking about for weeks — her flavour, the scent of her arousal, the bite of her fingernails into my back. Even now, the mystery of those things was driving me wild, making me want her even more.
And there was no way she didn't feel my dick pressing into her abdomen.
I expected her to pull back, to try to stop me, but her hands were the first to roam. When she released my hair, her fingers quickly found their way under the back of my shirt, and tingles of magic erupted along my spine. Without a thought, I gripped her arse in both hands and lifted her off the ground.
A gentle hum of satisfaction vibrated against my lips and she wrapped her legs around my waist, reminding me of our first night together. When I broke the kiss, she met my eyes and I smirked at her for a moment, then looked around for a section of bare wall to press her into. As soon as she realised what I was doing, she laughed and kissed me again, accepting it without even a hint of protest.
For just a moment, I tried to remember something — anything — I'd said that first night, but my mind was blissfully blank, taking the time to memorise everything about Hermione all over again. Her tongue slipped into my mouth, enticing mine, showing me how we'd kissed before and a missing piece clicked into place for me.
I'd known that something had been missing all along. And then I'd found out that it was Granger, but it was in an intangible sort of way. I knew it as if it were a fact I'd read in a book. To some degree, the deeper we got into the memories, the stronger the connection between us became.
But now...
Now I could say, without a doubt, that she was what had been missing from my life for the past two years. With only a kiss, I felt complete again. Everything — my desire to return to the DMLE, the potioneer case, the man in the Knockturn Alley bookstore, Blaise's departure — had led me back to her.
As we devoured each other, her hips rocked against me and I pressed her into the wall more firmly. Her hands slipped under the hem of my t-shirt and ran along my spine, pressing into my skin and making me burn even more. Holding her in place with my hips, I tugged it off and her eyes immediately raked over my bared skin, taking it all in.
Before she could start second guessing, I kissed her hard again, my tongue stroking against hers. Everything about this moment was pure heaven, and I felt more alive than I had in years. Hermione's hands moved from my back around to my stomach, her nails raking against me, and she moaned into my mouth like I was the one touching her. She kept going, smoothing her palms over my pecs and then gripping my shoulders.
She clung to me, and I wondered if she was scared that I would change my mind, that I would suddenly think what we were doing was wrong.
But, if this was wrong, I didn't want to be right.
Holding onto her tightly, I spun and headed for the stairs, carrying her like she weighed little more than Scorpius or a ragdoll. She was light, but she seemed healthier than she had at the start of all this, and I was grateful for that. Her gentle curves had started to fill in and I planned to run my hands over every single inch of her.
When we reached her bedroom, I set her down on the mattress and she kept her thighs locked around my waist. Quickly, I pulled her Gryffindor t-shirt over her head, foregoing magic. I wanted to unwrap her, to treat this like the gift it was. Despite everything, I'd found my way back to her, and I wanted to soak up every single second.
Her bra was made of red lace and my heart stopped, making me freeze. When I simply stared, she looked down at it and blushed.
"I swear, I didn't think this would be happening tonight. It wasn't my intention—"
Coming out of my stupor, I silenced her with a kiss and reached one arm around her back, unhooking the bra. Hermione grabbed the front of it and pulled it away from her body, exposing herself to me.
I broke away, my lips moving down her neck to the exact spot I'd watched my memory self suck on. I inhaled deeply, savouring the scent of her perfume.
"You're wearing it again," I murmured against her skin, loving the scent of her. "You smell so fucking good."
This time, it didn't send me spinning, searching for answers. Everything I needed to know had been revealed, and I was happy to find myself back where I belonged.
Writhing in my arms, she tangled her fingers in my hair and held my mouth against her skin.
Goosebumps erupted on her back and I smirked, happy that I'd paid attention to what she liked during the memories and was able to bring these reactions out of her again.
"Draco," she said breathily, my name a plea on her lips. "I've missed you."
"I've missed you too," I said, between kisses. "So fucking much."
As I pressed her back onto the bed, I felt her legs open wider, accommodating my hips. I was tasting every inch of her skin, scars and freckles and beauty marks, and when I reached her nipple, I circled it with my tongue. Her hand tightened in my hair and her hips jerked up, signalling that she was enjoying this as much as I was and spurring me on.
She was sweeter than I'd ever imagined, even though it was a hot summer day and the salt of her sweat lingered on her skin. I couldn't imagine ever being in this position and then leaving her over and over again.
I'd been a fool.
Whimpers of my name and other unintelligible words escaped her lips, especially as I continued my trek down her body and she lost the friction I'd been giving her against her core.
Before long, I was kneeling on the floor, unbuttoning her jeans and sliding them down her thighs. Somewhere along the way, she'd kicked her shoes off, making my job a lot easier. Nearly at eye-level with her knickers, I could see they were wet, soaking through with her desire.
It became very, very real.
"Granger, are you sure—"
Her thighs tensed beneath my palms, threatening to slam shut, but I stroked them with my thumbs. Sitting up, she looked down at me, making no attempts to cover herself up.
"I would've stopped you long before now if I didn't want this," she said, encouraging me. "I need it just as much as you do."
I nodded and pressed a kiss to the inside of her knee, keeping my eyes on hers. "Lie back."
Without another word, she did and I teased my way up her thigh, tongue and teeth toying with her. I didn't keep to a pattern, so every movement was a surprise for her. By the time I reached her core, she was writhing, waiting for me to touch her.
I decided to take it slow, nipping at the edge of the knickers that were still firmly in place.
Hermione's hands fisted in her duvet at the edge of the bed, her knuckles turning white, and I ran my tongue over the damp red lace that covered her. Her hips jerked forwards and I pulled back, my lips landing on the opposite thigh.
"Please," she breathed, her voice strained. "Please, Draco. I need—"
I grazed her centre with my teeth, making her cry out. "Be patient. I have a lot to relearn and memorise."
Hooking my thumbs into the sides of her knickers, I pulled them off slowly, looking at the glistening skin that had been revealed to me. She was still bare and I traced her slit with my tongue. As soon as I tasted her, my brain flooded with memories again, the sensory details matching up with every single time I'd watched myself tasting her.
I groaned, unable to hold myself back. I was desperate to experience it all in real-time, to be on my knees before her, making her scream with my mouth between her legs.
Greedily, I sucked her swollen clit into my mouth and she nearly screamed. Pulling her legs up, she braced her heels on the edge of the mattress, giving me full access to her. She was slick with need and I made it my mission to collect every drop of her desire. My tongue worked her, sliding through her folds, down to her opening, back up to her clit. Her hands had moved from the duvet into my hair, holding me in place. When her thighs started to shake, I added my fingers, working them inside of her and giving her something to clench around.
"Draco!" she cried out as soon as my fingers instinctively curled, hitting her right where she needed me to. "Fuck! Yes! Like that!"
When she bucked against my face, I moved my tongue faster, put more pressure on her g-spot with my fingers. She was eager, beautiful, absolutely perfect. Her skin was flushed and warm, her inner muscles fluttering harder than they had been only a moment ago.
She was coming apart already, and I couldn't believe that everything had flashed before my eyes as soon as I'd tasted her. I could remember exactly what she liked, how she wanted to be touched, how she was just the tiniest bit sweeter right before she came.
And when she came, she shuddered violently, her magic exploding out of her. I held onto her, a tether to this planet.
"Fucking hell," she panted once she was coherent again.
Licking my lips, I rose to my feet and looked her over as I toed my shoes and socks off. She met my eyes, hers dark and burning with desire, even though she'd just had an orgasm.
After a few seconds and several heavy breaths, she sat up and her hands moved to my belt buckle. She tugged, opening it and working the belt free. As she looked up at me through her lashes, I was immediately reminded of every single blowjob she'd shown me — especially the one we'd just seen — and my balls ached just thinking about her mouth on me.
But that wasn't for tonight. I wanted to bury myself inside of her, and I was already so turned on that this encounter was in danger of being short-lived.
"Are you okay?" Hermione asked, her fingers unbuttoning my trousers and then working the zipper down.
"I cannot even begin to explain how I feel right now," I replied, being honest.
She seemed to understand, nodding her head as she carefully worked my trousers down my hips, avoiding the tent in my pants.
"I can't either," she murmured. "Other than complete."
Complete.
The word danced in my mind and I examined it from all angles.
It fit.
My missing pieces had started to form a rough picture the night she held my hand, and now they were all neatly fitted in the right places. The contact between us, the open admissions, and the memories had each given me something back.
When her hands slipped beneath my pants, gently stroking me, my eyes fluttered shut and I grabbed her wrists, stilling her.
"Not tonight," I growled, stepping forward and pushing her back against the bed. "Get comfortable, goddess."
At the use of the endearment, she smiled sheepishly and turned over, crawling into the centre of the bed.
I noticed the sheets were red, the way they had been in one of my wet dreams, and she nestled herself into the pillows. Following her, I settled myself between her thighs, my hips angled so that my cock wasn't touching her bare centre. It strained forward, her warmth too tempting for me to ignore.
Bracing myself on my elbows, I leaned down to kiss her mouth. When she tasted herself on my tongue, she moaned and I wondered if I'd ever get words out of her again.
"Please," she pleaded shakily. "Please go slow, but I'm ready."
"Oh, I've no doubt," I said, teasing her. "I felt how wet you were for me, Granger."
Shuddering, she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me again.
Slower than I ever had before, I slid forward, entering her body for the first time in nearly two years. She was warm and wet, embracing me fully. Another wave of sensory details crested and crashed over me, and I thought I'd be completely swept away by it. Instead, I looked deep into Hermione's eyes and saw her pupils contract, her breath catch.
It anchored me and brought my body under control. I could fill in the blanks of my memories later, when I was alone to process it.
"Oh god," she murmured, staring right back. "This feels like a dream."
I moved my hips, pulling out almost all the way and then slowly slipping back in, her walls squeezing around me.
"It's not a dream. It's real," I told her, leaning down to suck on her lower lip, pulling it into my mouth. "So fucking real."
After a proper kiss, I grabbed her arms one at a time, my hands finding hers and pinning them above her head the way we'd both seemed to favour in the memories. Hermione whimpered and moved beneath me, her hips canting up to meet mine in a faster rhythm than I'd been intending to set.
"Slow, Granger," I said, my voice deep and demanding. "I want to savour this, feel every single inch of you shaking for me."
Her hands squeezed mine and she met my pace, ceding control to me in a way I'd seen before but hadn't been able to truly remember. She'd been the fantasy time and time again, but the reality was better than I'd ever imagined as a teenager or an adult.
The sounds she made, the scent of her, the taste of her lips and skin, the sight of her hair spread across the pillow, the feel of her wrapped around me...
This was heaven, and I was ready to worship the goddess who was changing everything for me right now.
I snapped my hips the tiniest bit harder and her legs slid higher, knees halfway up my ribcage. She wanted me to sink deeper, to fuck her harder, but I couldn't let this end quickly. Sliding out, I released her hands and sat up, pulling her into my lap. Her legs extended behind me and her heels planted against the mattress. As I held my cock steady, she sank down onto it, little movements easing the way.
Smoothing her hair behind her ear, I started to rock, my other hand gripping her arse and guiding her. As soon the rhythm was set, I tangled both my hands in her hair and pulled her mouth to mine again, wanting every possible connection we could have. I swallowed every tiny cry, every panting breath she took and committed them to memory. And when I opened my eyes during the kiss, I saw that she was watching me too, as if she still couldn't believe that this was real.
I couldn't, either.
But I had her here in my arms, her attention fully focused on me. I gave her mine in return, watching as her every movement varied the placement of her hair, the colour blooming across her skin, the glistening sweat forming on her body.
Just as I'd always imagined, the chemistry between us sizzled and sparked, every little touch and noise garnering a reaction from the other. When her fingernails dug into my shoulders, I sucked on her neck. When I tugged on her hair, pulling her head back to expose her throat, she contracted her inner muscles around me, making me shudder.
"Fuck," I grunted into her cloud of curls, feeling myself nearing the edge. "I want... Oh, fuck!"
She'd somehow repositioned her legs in a flash, moving to a kneel and starting to bounce. "I'm close," she panted. "So close."
"What do you need, Granger?"
She leaned forward, kissing me hard, and then I felt her hand move between us. Instantly, I replaced it with mine, wanting to be the one who made her fall apart. And when she did, I'd gather every single shard, put her back together, and then shatter her again.
As she shook and broke away to scream, I fucked her through her climax, watching her face and mentally comparing it to what I'd seen in the memories. I could feel her clenching around me, so I knew it was the real thing, not a fake, but I wanted to see if she was the same as she'd been before.
There were subtle differences; she was slimmer, which changed the shape of her face, and she seemed to have fewer freckles than before. Her hair was as wild as ever, but there were hints of dark circles underneath her eyes.
She was still beautiful, still the same woman underneath everything that had changed her.
As soon as her eyes opened, I saw how they were glassy and hazy with lust.
"Can we switch positions?" I asked tentatively, not wanting to simply flip her over and have my way, even though I was desperate for her.
Unable to speak, she simply nodded and started pulling away. When we broke apart, she shuddered and I did, too.
Meeting my eyes, she shuffled forward and kissed me again, long and slow and sweet. My hands roamed over her back and down to her arse, reminding me why I wanted to change positions in the first place.
I groaned and felt her smile against my lips.
"Some things never change, I suppose," she teased, nipping my lower lip.
It was my turn to pull back.
"Your hands always find their way to my arse," she stated, flushing. "Before and apparently now too."
Smirking, I said, "Turn around."
With a quick grin, she did, though she just faced the headboard. For a second, I simply stared, looking at the way her curls flowed down over her shoulders, at the dimples in her lower back and her curving hips.
She was stunning.
Swallowing hard, I moved up behind her, sweeping her hair away so I could kiss the opposite side of her neck, down the curve of her shoulder. My arms wrapped around her waist and my hands moved to her breasts, fondling and teasing, tweaking her nipples.
Her hand snaked up and around, finding my hair.
"You like to tug on mine almost as much as I like to touch yours," I whispered, my lips tickling her earlobe.
"I do," she said, letting out a little moan when I pinched her a bit harder than I had been. "Please do that again."
I gave her what she wanted and she pressed her arse back against my groin.
"Can I fuck you like this?" I asked, continuing to play with her. "From behind with your tits in my hands?"
"Mmmm," she hummed, rocking back against me. "Please."
Dropping one of my hands, I grabbed my cock and guided it downwards, maneuvering it back inside of her. As she welcomed me, I kept my movements gentle, my touches light. The very moment I felt she'd adjusted, though, I drove up into her harder. With equal fervor, she crashed down onto me, and I squeezed her breasts hard.
"Draco," she moaned breathily. "I've missed this so much."
She hadn't really shown me any memories where I was this rough with her, but she was thoroughly enjoying it. With every thrust, she let out a choked noise, and I felt her cunt tighten around me again. I was winding her up, twisting the knots inside of her more and more, until I was the only one who could untangle them and free her.
When she let out a noise that was nearly a sob, I knew. I knew she was teetering on the brink and needed a tiny push. My right hand slid down her abdomen and I bypassed her clit, moving directly to the place where we were joined. I could barely tell where she ended and I began, but I gathered some of the wetness that had escaped, pulling it back up to her clit.
"Fuck!" she cried. "Don't stop. Please don't stop!"
"Never," I said, circling my fingers faster. "I'll keep at this forever."
Again, she exploded around me, clenching rhythmically. I held her to my chest, letting her head loll back against my shoulder as her eyes squeezed shut. Something deep inside of me hummed happily as I felt the bond between us pulling tighter, bringing us closer together. She was limp in my arms, but her thighs still flexed, moving her up and down in my lap.
Carefully, I guided her upper body to the bed, lowering her to lie on her stomach, her face in the gap between the pillows. My cock slipped out and I didn't rush to slide back into her. Instead, I took the time to rub her body, massaging her shoulders, her back, her thighs.
"So good," she said, though it was muffled. "Might pass out if you don't get back inside me soon."
I laughed and straddled her hips, lining myself up and pushing inside.
"Oh," she breathed, lifting her head. "This is new."
That surprised me. I would've thought I'd taken her in every possible position before.
"Do you like it?" I asked, stroking into her slowly again.
"Mmmm," she hummed. "I thought you'd pull my hips up."
Reaching for her hands, I laced my fingers between hers again, holding her down. My bodyweight was on top of her and she could hardly move.
"Not tonight." I kissed her shoulder. "I want to touch every part of you and keep you with me."
She moaned. "I'm here. Right here."
And I knew she was.
We were both there, finally on the same page, and our bodies remembered how to move together as if it had been mere days rather than nearly two years since the last time we'd done this together.
With every thrust, she made the sweetest sounds, breathy little moans and sighs that I would never tire of hearing as long as I lived. Since I was nearly parallel against her back, all I could smell was her hair and perfume. It was completely intoxicating and I didn't want to let go of her.
"You feel so good," I groaned, quickly moving towards my end.
She didn't say anything but I felt her arching beneath me, her breathing accelerating. With the angle change, she fell to pieces again, this time breaking me with her. I collapsed on top of her, feeling more satisfied than I ever had.
Well, as far as I could remember, anyway.
As we both caught our breath, the room stayed silent. I relished in the warmth of her skin against mine, the feel of her still wrapped around me.
"Draco," Hermione began quietly. "I love this, but I need you to move so I can turn over."
With a laugh, I did, flopping onto the mattress beside her. Tentatively, she worked her way into my side, my arm slipping beneath her neck. She pulled the sheets over us, preserving the body heat we'd generated. Her head landed on my chest and I just held her. There were so many words going unsaid, but I couldn't bring myself to break the magic of the moment. I felt complete in a way that I couldn't even begin to explain.
My fingers rubbed along her arm, stroking her gently, and I enjoyed the way she reacted to my touch. Her leg slipped over mine and her toes started mimicking the motion of my fingers against my shin.
I wished things could stay this way forever, simple and happy in a post-coital cocoon, her red sheets draped over us like a shield.
But the walls already felt like they were starting to close in on me as memories rushed into my brain, filling gaps and disconnects, opening up the emotions and sensations that had been locked away for me.
If I thought I'd loved her before, it was nothing compared to what I was feeling now.
"Your heartbeat, it sounds the same as it did before," she said, breaking the silence.
"Don't all heartbeats sound the same?" I managed to say, even though I was completely overwhelmed.
"I'm not sure, but I don't know what else to talk about and I felt like I had to say something."
I knew I should keep the conversation moving, but I couldn't; my throat was constricted and I could hear the blood rushing in my ears. I just held her tighter, squeezing her shoulders to keep her close to me.
I didn't know how to put what I was feeling into words, but I knew I needed to try. She was definitely getting anxious the longer the silence stretched on. I could feel it deep inside my chest and it only added to the mess of emotions consuming me.
"That was…" My voice trailed off as I struggled to find the right words.
"I know," Hermione said, pressing her lips to my neck.
"No," I replied. "I don't think you do."
My voice was colder than I meant it to be and she stiffened. Smoothing my palm over her back, I tried to reassure her.
"What I meant to say," I began, softening my tone, "was that it was like I remembered everything. The memories, they feel complete now. I can remember how it all felt — physically. Emotionally."
"Oh," she breathed. "That's—It's a good thing, isn't it?"
"I think so."
Again, a tense silence filled the room and my mind kept replaying what had just happened between us over and over again. I could feel her overthinking, as well.
"What does this mean?" Hermione asked, showing her Gryffindor bravery.
My chest tightened and it suddenly felt harder to breathe.
I wanted to tell her that it meant we were back together, that we would find a way to make everything work, but I wasn't sure what she was feeling. I didn't want her to think I was just assuming we'd be together now.
I didn't want to pressure her into anything she wasn't ready for.
"I'm not sure," I answered carefully. "What does it mean for you?"
She squirmed beside me and then slung a leg over my hip, moving to straddle me. Planting her hands on my chest, she leaned forward and kissed me again, taking my breath away fully.
Placing a hand on her lower back, I held her close to me, reciprocating the touches and kisses. Every part of me was humming, buzzing with the connection that was strengthening between us. I knew it would be easy to fall back into the same routine, using sex to bury everything we should be talking about.
But that wouldn't be right.
If we had any chance of fixing what we'd broken, we needed to take some time to really consider our situation.
And, as much as I loathed to admit it, I needed that time. And some space to process what had just happened between us.
"Hermione," I said, barely getting her name out before her lips crashed down on mine again. "We need"—kiss—"to stop."
I gently guided her back to my side where she'd been laying before and she looked straight at me, a question in her dark eyes. I didn't know how to answer without prompting a much, much longer conversation, so I went with the obvious.
"You're starting your new job tomorrow, and I have to see to Scorpius and go to the Ministry first thing tomorrow morning, as well..."
"Of course. You're right. I have a lot to do to get ready and—" She pulled away, retreating to her pillow and staring up at the ceiling. The blank look on her face filled me with concern, but before I could say anything, she continued to ramble, putting a wall up between us. "I understand. You should get home to Scorpius." She glanced at the clock. "It's just barely ten. He might still be awake."
"Hermione, I didn't mean—"
"No, I know. I'll see you tomorrow, right? Or did you want to take everything now?"
The tone of her voice told me that I'd fucked up royally and I was angry with myself; I'd been the one to initiate the kiss and she'd gone along with it, following my lead. And then I'd also been the one to put a stop to it. I was sending her mixed signals.
It was no wonder she was pushing me away now.
To buy myself a few moments to think, I asked, "Take everything?"
"The rest of the memories, and my journals if you still want them."
Frowning, I said, "Tomorrow is fine with me."
"Good. It works for me, as well. I think I'll be home around six," she said matter-of-factly. "I can't go into the Ministry until ten since I've got an appointment with Penelope."
I could only imagine what she'd be talking about then.
But, the more I considered it, the more I thought she probably needed to discuss this with someone other than me and clear her head. Not wanting to second guess myself, I rose from the bed. She was trying to keep a neutral expression, but I knew my rejection had likely cut her to the quick. I tried to reassure her.
"If I didn't have to take care of Scorpius and then handle the divorce paperwork in the morning, I'd stay," I said as I leaned down to pull my trousers back on. "You know that, right?"
She turned her head to the side so I couldn't see her face. "Of course."
The uneasy feeling in my stomach intensified as I slid my shoes on.
"Are you okay?" I asked, even though I was nearly certain she wasn't. "I can stay a bit longer—"
"No need," she interrupted. "I know that you have responsibilities. And, like I said, you were right. I have work tomorrow and need to get ready."
Walking to her side of the bed, I leaned down to kiss her, desperate to reassure her, but she turned her head, causing my lips to land on her cheek. She was angry with me — so fucking angry — and I honestly didn't know how to fix it.
Not right at this moment, anyway.
Even as the voice inside my head screamed at me to stay, I murmured, "I'll see you tomorrow."
I wanted to tell her I loved her, that what we'd done tonight meant everything to me, but my throat constricted when I saw her eyes squeeze shut.
"Okay," she said. "If I'm not here, you're welcome to stay and wait."
"Okay," I managed, the rest of my words still caught in my throat.
I was doing it again — being a coward or a fool or, fuck, both — and walking out when we should be talking.
Before taking the first step off the landing, I hesitated. I could stay. I could stay and spend the night with her. I could try to explain that everything I was remembering and feeling was overwhelming me. That I knew what I wanted but thought that she would need a little time to think things through, to decide if she could ever forgive me for all the pain I'd caused her.
But she'd already closed herself off tonight. Would she even really be able to understand? Or was she too angry?
Why hadn't I thought this through before throwing the brakes on?
With a deep breath, I took the first step, still wary of whether or not I'd be able to truly explain how I felt, and the last thing we needed was a night filled with strained silences.
While I walked down the stairs, I listened carefully, ready to turn back if I heard her make a sound. I silently hoped that she'd run after me, tell me I was being thick.
But she didn't — or she put up a Silencing Charm — and I couldn't make myself go back.
Instead, I took a deep breath and tossed Floo Powder into the grate, travelling home.
As soon as I was there, I felt my stomach filling with dread.
I turned around and braced my hands on the wall above the fireplace, at war with myself. The connection between us felt like it was stretching too tight, straining over the distance we'd created.
But caring for Scorpius and going to the Ministry to finalise the divorce… It had been a feeble excuse, but I needed time and space and I imagined she did, too. I forced myself to take deep breaths to calm my racing heart.
My emotions were running high and the house was silent; Astoria and Scorpius were likely already in bed. The lack of sound only amplified the thoughts echoing inside my head.
You didn't tell her that you love her. Not during or after.
You couldn't even explain why you needed space.
She's probably thinking that the sex was a mistake, that it meant nothing to you.
How could you have left her again?
She probably feels like you used her and ran home to Astoria, the same way you always used to.
Why can't you ever just open up and tell her what you need? What you want?
I pushed back off the wall, mentally debating what to do. Was it too late for me to go back? Would we end up arguing if I did? Would it be better if we just took the space and I explained myself tomorrow night?
Staring at the empty fireplace, I mentally weighed the options, letting scenarios play out in my mind. Something told me to stick with my initial instinct and give her space and time, especially since she was seeing Penelope in the morning. She might be cross with me at first, but I hoped that she knew me well enough to understand why I hadn't been ready to talk everything through immediately.
When I'd decided, I walked up the stairs to the bedroom I'd been occupying for the very last time.
And, as I thought through how I could make it up to her, a concrete plan started to form in my mind.
Tomorrow night, I would lay it all out for her. I'd explain my sudden exit and then tell her exactly what tonight had meant to me. I'd tell her that I was now living on my own, away from Astoria, and that I was officially divorced.
I'd tell her that, no matter what the other memories contained, I knew I still loved her and wanted to give things between us a real shot.
I just hoped she felt the same.
Author's Note: Sorry, sorry, sorry!
You will understand why I am such a terrible, evil person next chapter. I promise this is just a momentary little blip of angst. I didn't think it would be realistic for either of them to be able to handle their first time back together well.
Next update August 14th.