Chapter 25: How to Kill a Dementor
HP-BTVS-HP-BTVS
The next morning, Xander walked into the Ministry looking for Amelia. He was directed to her office. "Madam Bones, can you tell me what's going on with Sirius Black?" he asked as he took the indicated chair.
"I can't discuss an open investigation. I can tell you we're doing all we can to find him," she answered, sighing as more memos flew in the door. "You might want to talk to Fudge though. He's letting his advisors talk him into posting Dementors at the school." She started snatching the parchment airplanes out of the air. She already had the bill to get phones in the Ministry, but they were still debating on it. Soon, hopefully.
"What is a Dementor?" he asked, with a quirk of his head.
"A demon that feeds on happiness. They guard Azkaban," was her answer as she read one of the memos.
"Like hell I'm letting anything like that near my school," Xander snarled already getting up from his chair. "How do I find Fudge?"
"He's in his office. I'll take you. I could use a break from all of this," she said, getting up and walking around her desk to join him at the door.
"I can imagine your day has been busy," he said sympathetically.
"You have no idea," she said as they entered the lift. She pushed the button for the first floor. "Black is the only man to have ever escaped Azkaban. He has caused me so many interruptions. Everyone thinks I know how he did it. If not that, then they are breathing down my back on how close we are to finding him. It is very frustrating."
"You have my sympathy," he said, putting a hand on her arm, which she was surprised about. "If you need a break, I can take you to dinner. You know, when you have a moment." She may be a bit older than he was used to dating, but she was one hell of a woman.
"I think I'd like that," she said, giving him a brilliant smile.
"It's a date then," Xander said, removing his hand and smiling back.
Just then the doors opened to the first floor. The two got out and went to Fudge's office. "We're here to see the Minister," she said to the girl behind the desk.
"He's busy," the secretary said, tapping her wand to her long nails and changing the color. Right now, her nails looked like one of Dumbledore's robes.
"Thank you," Amelia said, not listening to the girl, who wasn't paying attention anyway. She just marched to the door and opened it. "Minister, we need to talk."
"Yeah," Xander added as he filled the doorway. "What's this I hear you're going to put demons at my school?"
"It is not your school," a woman in pink stated. "Hogwarts is owned by the Ministry," she added smugly, making everyone there look at her with different expressions.
"Okay, who the fuck are you and what proof do you have?" Xander said, eyeing the toad of a woman.
"I am Dolores Umbridge, I am Senior Undersecretary to the Minister," she simpered. "And everyone knows that Hogwarts is a Ministry run school."
"Oh, so you're an unimportant lacky who doesn't know Jack shit," the wolf-eyed man said, waving a dismissive hand at her. "You see, I have the paperwork to prove I own the school. It's even on record here at the Ministry, so your mouth is running hot air. Wait, didn't I kick you out of Hogwarts? Didn't you come to the school when we told you we didn't need your money? Yeah, I didn't like you then, and now that I know who you are, I like you less now. Talk about above your station," he grumbled under his breath.
"How dare you!" she screeched, making her look even more demented.
"Dolores, why don't you do that thing I wanted you to do," Cornelius said, giving her what he thought was a sly gaze, but it came off as a comical relief look, with a lot of eyerolling and jerks of his head. Subtle he was not.
"Of course, Cornelius," she simpered as she hefted her girth out of the chair, trying to seem dignified. She sniffed as she passed Xander on her way out the door. He just grinned at her and closed the door in her face.
"Now that the lackey is gone, answer my question. Why are you putting demons at my school?" Xander asked, taking a seat and waving for Amelia to do the same.
"They are Dementors, they will be on the hunt for Black. He was heard to say that someone was at Hogwarts," the simple man explained, though he looked like he wanted a drink if he had to deal with Harris.
"Yeah, they did such a good job of keeping him from escaping," was the wry comeback. "Don't put them around my school, or by God I will find a way to kill them all," Xander stated, his tone leaving no room for argument.
"But, but… I have to be seen doing something," Fudge said, picking up papers off his desk like they held the answer.
"Then beef up your Auror dept and let them do the hunting," Xander suggested, with a wave at the frazzled Amelia. "It looks like she needs the help."
"They will want to be paid," the other man whinged.
"Yes, and?"
"But, the budget," Fudge said, whimpering again.
"I don't care how you do it, don't put those demons anywhere near my school. That includes Hogsmeade," Xander stated, leaning forward in a menacing manner.
This cause Cornelius to lean back in his chair as far as he could. "Of course," he said in a low voice.
"Glad we could come to an agreement. I'll expect the same Aurors as last time," the other man said, getting up and heading for the door. "Amelia, give me a buzz when you have some free time," he said to the Head of the DMLE, picking up her hand and bussing her knuckles.
"I will," she said, with a warm smile. Her smile dropped as she turned to the Minister. "Now Cornelius," was all Xander heard as he left.
Hpbtvshpbtvs
Xander made a quick stop at Hogwarts, and then went home. "Harry! Luna! Hermione! Come down here a minute," he yelled as he walked through the door. He knew they were playing together today. Hermione was over every day. She had to spend at least nights at home, but she was allowed when her parents were working.
The sound of running feet greeted him. "Xander!" yelled Harry, like they had not seen each other just that morning. He flew into the man's arms and hugged him tight. "Oh, hey, Remus," he added after seeing the man behind his dad.
"Boys," both Hermione and Luna said, shaking their heads. "Hello, Professor," they said, still in unison.
"Miss Granger, Miss Lovegood, Harry," the DADA professor said, nodding to each of them.
"Why's Remus here?" Harry asked, finally letting his dad go.
"The Ministry is going to do something stupid, and we're going to be prepared for it. I 'talked' Fudge out of putting demons around the school, but I wouldn't put it past him to have them outside the school grounds. So, I asked Remus if he knew anyway to stop the demons, and he said yes. So, I grabbed him and brought him here to teach us," Xander explained with a huge smile on his face. "Well, you three."
"If you had given me a moment to explain, I would have told you it is a difficult spell to learn," the werewolf stated, poking his alpha in the chest.
"Teach it to them anyway. I'll bet Harry and Hermione get it today," Xander said, still grinning like a fool. "While you do that, I'm going to be researching how to kill these things." Hitting the books by himself was something he was getting used to. That and he had access to the Restricted Section, which had untold number of books on Dark Creatures. If the answer was going to be found, it would be there.
"Dementors can't be killed," Remus said, looking at him like he was crazy.
"Everything can be killed," was the wolf-eyed man's reply. "9 times out of 10, beheading works."
"Not for these demons," the werewolf said, still giving him a wary look. "Not to mention you have to keep your wits about you. They suck all good emotions away from you. No one has gotten close enough to try beheading."
"Don't worry, I'll find what I'm looking for," Xander said, moving towards the library. He didn't have many books there, but he had a few from the Restricted Section, they might help. None of the kids knew where they were, even if they were hidden in plain sight. There was just an age spell on them. No one under eighteen could see them. He was going to do something similar in the Hogwarts library. The restricted section was just too tempting. If they don't know what's there, they can't look for it.
"Come on, kids, I'll teach you the Patronus," the DADA professor said, motioning Harry to lead.
Harry led them to the kitchen, where he got drinks for everyone. Once they settled at the table, Remus started his lecture. It only took twenty minutes, and the kids had the fundamentals down. They then went into the back yard, which was warded and fenced, to do the practical part.
Xander was correct, Harry and Hermione had the spell down by the time Remus called it quits. Harry could do it wandlessly, while Hermione used her wand. Right now, it was only mist, but it would shield them if they ran into a Dementor.
Good thing Xander had wards up to prevent the Ministry from detecting magic. He knew that there would be magicals at his house often. What with Minerva, Sal and Remus part of their family. None of them, bar Remus, even thought twice about pulling their wands out for every little thing. Xander was trying to break them of that, but he didn't want to deal with the Ministry every time they visited.
"That's if for today, you three, keep practicing, and you'll get more than a mist. I suggest you pick your best happy memory, that'll help immensely," Remus said, tucking his wand away.
"Okay, Professor," the three kids said, and then giggled at each other.
"I'll come back tomorrow, okay?" the older man asked, looking at Xander, who had been standing in the doorway for about five minutes.
"Sounds good to me," the wolf-eyed man said with a nod.
"That was great," Harry said as Remus left the house.
"I saw that you got it mostly down. How about you show your old man what to do," Xander said, waving at Harry.
"It's not that hard. The hardest part is finding the best memory. Anyway, what you do is, pick a memory, hold it in your mind, and then let it spill on to the spell when you cast. Like putting icing on a cake," Harry tried to describe it to his dad.
"You really want to think about driving the Dementors away too," Hermione added, trying one more time. She got a mist again, but it was starting to take shape.
"No more for you today, young lady. If your pallor is anything to go by, you all need something to eat," Xander said, herding the kids into the kitchen. He then fixed them some sandwiches, with a large glass of orange juice. "Eat it all," he told them, sitting, and starting his lunch.
"What's next?" Harry asked, right before he started devouring his lunch. That spell took a lot out of him.
"I'm going to teach you to walk through walls," his dad said between bites.
"Wicked," Harry and Luna said, while Hermione nodded in agreement.
"I'm glad you think so," Xander said, preening.
After they were done eating Xander did just that. Just like Remus there was a small lecture and then practice. That took a better part of the afternoon, and it was Luna who got it down first. When asked how she got it so fast, she replied, "I just imagine the wall is not there."
"Oh," Harry and Hermione said, and then scrunched up their faces in concentration. Harry got it next, then his best friend.
Xander praised all three, and then sent Hermione home. He fed the other two and then sent them to bed. He went to his office to go over the applicants for counselors. There were two that stood out, and he made note to contact them. He really felt they would be more approachable than the Head of Houses. He'd have one for the younger years, and one for the older. He thought about having them for different sexes but decided that sometimes it just didn't matter.
Hpbtvshpbtvs
Spike and Sal were watching TV when Joyce came in. She looked at the two men and sighed. "I worry about how much time you spend watching this idiot box," she said, sitting between them.
"Idiot box?" Sal asked, his eyes never leaving the drama on the TV.
"Watching too long makes one stupid, or so the studies show," she answered, reaching over, and grabbing the remote. She turned the TV off and looked to Spike with a raised eyebrow.
"I've got invited to tea," he answered the unasked question.
"What are your plans then?" she inquired, smacking Sal's hand from the remote.
"Scare the shite out of Malfoy, but still be in good terms with the missus."
"Why?" Joyce wanted to know.
"Besides her being a right pretty bird? If I can talk her away from her marriage, then it'll be bad press. I don't think she likes being married to the dullard," the vampire explained, reaching over, and snatching the remote back. He flipped on the TV and resumed watching.
"You're going to lure her away with sex?" Joyce stated aghast.
"No, I'm just going to be the sympathetic shoulder to cry on," Spike insisted. He didn't want to get caught up with a relationship right now. Too many bad memories. First his over a hundred-years affair with his princess, and then the awful affair with Buffy. The less said about Harmony the better. No, he didn't want to get caught up in a mess like that again.
"Oh, okay. I would have protested you playing with her heart," the embodiment of Hogwarts stated firmly.
"Nah, I like the bird, but I don't see me being Love's Bitch this time," he said, still looking at the TV.
"Now that that subject has come up, I think I need to find a lady friend," Sal said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.
"Any type you are particularly interested in?" Joyce asked, thinking of all the single women she knew.
"The women of today are different than from my time. I will have to meet a few and court them," Sal said, still thinking hard on what he'd seen on the telly. He didn't want the drama, but the ladies looked nice, and independent. Not something he was used to. Though Rowena and Helga were both independent women, he had never wanted to court them.
"Tell me about it," Spike grumbled, switching stations now that his show was over.
"They call them 'dates' now, well the non-magical do, and some of the younger crowd. You can take a few out on a date," his mother said, looking him over and seeing the way he was still dressed. "Perhaps you can have Spike or Xander help you dress more like todays wizards."
"I'm not shopping with sodding Xander," the vampire snarled, slamming down the remote.
"Hence the word 'or' in my sentence," she snapped back.
"Not a bad idea. Though they both dress muggle," Sal pointed out.
"I can help you get kitted out better. The style is from my days as a human. We'll go tomorrow. Bring your dosh," Spike said, finally settling on a show to watch.
"Oh, this is a good one," Sal said, leaning back on the couch.
Joyce knew she was no longer going to be listened too, so she took herself to the kitchen for a cup of cocoa.
Xander winked in and joined her. "I had another thought," he said, taking the cup she handed him.
"Oh, is it going to work out for you as well as your last thought?" she teased, knowing that Xander was regretting bringing Spike.
"Same subject matter, different outcome. Can you ask Spike if he knows how to kill a Dementor?" he pleaded, then gave her his best puppy eyes.
"No, I am not going to be the go-between between you two. I said I'd get the updates so you could spend less time together. But I am not going to do this. He's out there watching TV, go ask him yourself," she said, standing and taking his free arm and dragging him out to the living room.
"Fine, Spike," he said, getting the vampire's attention. "There are demons here that can suck the happiness away from you. Do you know how to kill them?" he asked sullenly.
"Might could," was the thoughtful answer. "Need some books on them," he added, looking to Joyce.
"You two work it out. I'll referee, but I'm not the middleman," she said, making Sal guffaw.
"The whole library is open to you," Xander offered, looking everywhere but at Spike.
"Right, let me watch me drama, and I'll get right on it," the vampire stated, then pointedly turned away.
Xander glared at his head but left when Joyce pulled on his arm. They went back into the kitchen and resumed drinking their cocoa. Xander was going over in his head the many ways he could embarrass the vampire. She was just glad she dodged that bullet. She had had enough with her daughters; it wasn't going to happen with two grown men.
Hpbtvshpbtvs
The summer ended and they were now on the train. The kids, and Neville were all sharing a compartment. They were happily talking about their summer antics. Neville was revealing how much better his gran had been since Xander had talked to her.
"She even got me new plants for my greenhouse," he finished his tale.
"You have your own greenhouse?" Hermione asked, leaning forward.
"Since I was six. Sure, most of the plants are harmless, but I love it anyway," the pudgy boy stated, getting a dreamy look on his face.
"Did you put your Venus Flytrap in there?" Harry wanted to know.
"Yeah, it's thriving. I heeded your warning, and I am really careful on what I put in it. No magical fertilizer. But it does keep the bugs down. It's huge now," Neville explained, gesturing with his hands how big the plant was. Then he went dreamy eyed again.
Harry leaned over and whispered to Luna, "He really loves his plants."
"About as much as you love to fly," she offered, noting Harry's dreamy look at that. She smacked him in the arm, knowing he was exaggerating. "Silly boy," she sniffed, putting her nose in the air playfully.
Just then the train slowed down. Harry whipped out his wand. "We can't be there yet," he stated, making the other's pull theirs. They looked around, Hermione and Harry out the window, and Luna and Neville out the door. Then the lights went out.
"Don't move," Hermione said, then lit her bluebell light, that she had mastered in her first year, so she could read at night. The light lit up the little room, and everyone took a step back, meeting in the middle, each wand pointed in a different direction.
"What do you think is happening?" Neville asked, shaking in his shoes.
"I'll bet it's the Dementors Xander told us about," Harry said, switching places with Luna, so Neville and he were facing the door.
"Shite," Luna said, getting cold. She watched the ice form on the window and shivered.
No one scolded her.
Xander winked in and noted how they were formed up. "Good job, you four. I'm going to the front of the train. Hermione, you and Luna take the middle, ask anyone if they know the Patronus. Harry, you and Neville take the back. Keep your wands out and the spell on your lips. Scratch that, cast it now, and then guide it," he ordered and then disappeared.
"Come on. Expecto Patronum!" Harry bellowed and a huge ghost like werewolf formed at the end of his wand. It was soon joined by an equally large rabbit and Scottish terrier.
They left the compartment and split up, each directing their spirit guides. Neville didn't have one, because he couldn't make the lesson. They tried to teach it to him, but he couldn't get a good enough memory. There were not many happy times in his life to draw from. Harry was sure he'd get it eventually.
Harry and Neville were at the back of the train when one Dementor tried to enter, but Harry's Patronus was keeping it at bay. He only hoped that Xander showed up soon, this spell was draining. Out of nowhere came a strange creature. It was huge and furry, and Harry recognized it as Xander's wolf form.
He almost called out, until he remembered it was supposed to be a secret. He watched in awe as the wolf tore the Dementor apart. Its eerie screeches caused the other demons to come and see what was hurting their brethren. Once Xander was done with one, he turned to the next nearest one.
It was brutal, and Neville was throwing up over the railing. Then the train started moving, and the wolf and Dementors were getting further and further away. So was the feeling of dismay. Harry still had his Patronus out and was watching the mayhem until they vanished from sight. Right when they disappeared, Harry saw many of the Dementors fly away.
Harry wasn't worried, he knew Xander could catch up.
Hpbtvshpbtvs
They were sitting down to wait for the Sorting when a harried Fudge stormed through the doors. He was dressed for bed in silk pajamas, that looked stained in the front, though it was hard to see since he had a large lime green fluffy robe on. The only non-night clothes he had on was his shoes and hat.
"Harris!" he bellowed, snatching his hat off his head. His eyes were crazed, like he had faced his worst fear.
"What do you want now, Fudge? We're about to do the Sorting," Xander said, ignoring the man for the most part.
"You set the Dementors on me," the round man accused.
"I did what now?" Xander asked confused, finally turning to the Minister. He took in his rumpled appearance and decided the man wasn't lying. Still, he didn't know what the Minister was talking about.
"You know you did. They came to my home," Cornelius said, his eyes frightened, he was glancing around like the demons would come again. "They said they were attacked by a beast."
"I didn't do that," Xander denied, then perked up a bit and added. "I did kill two of them."
"What?!" was the resounding reply from over half the Hall.
"Yeah, it was easy, I just decapitated them," he said smugly to Remus. He was lying… sort of. He did decapitate them, with his mouth.
"How did you overcome their aura?" the werewolf wanted to know.
"Compared to the FIRST, these guys are wimps," Xander said, still smugly smiling.
"What is the FIRST?" Remus inquired, never having heard of such creature.
"A story for later," Xander said, turning to Fudge. "I didn't set them on you. However, I have a bone to pick with you," he said, getting up, jumping the table and grabbing the man's arm. "Start the Sorting without me."
Dumbledore nodded to Minerva to start, and then followed Xander and Cornelius.
"I told you if you brought those demons near me or mine, I would kill them," Xander was saying to Fudge.
"They were looking for Black," the Minister protested. "Besides it was the train," he added, like it would help.
"The train is Hogwarts property, moron. I was on the train. If Black was there, I would have found him," Xander snarled, almost going full wolf on the man. He had looked too, and there hadn't been any unexpected people or animals on the train.
"I have to do something. There are people after me day and night," Fudge whimpered. He does that a lot.
"What you did was monumentally stupid. All you succeeded in doing was pissing me off," the yellow-eyed man said.
"Now, now, we can discuss this without profanity," the headmaster interrupted.
"What? You think he did the right thing?" Xander asked, showing a great deal of shock. He knew Albus was senile, but this…
"No, of course not. However, Cornelius was merely doing his job," Dumbledore offered, smiling his grandfatherly smile.
"Be very careful where you are treading here, Albus. I would hate for Joyce to boot you. Scratch that, I'd love for Joyce to boot you, so keep pushing," Xander said, glaring at the old man. "What Cornelius did was wrong. There are no two ways around it. He got what he deserved. If he hadn't buddied up to the demons, they would have never sought him out. Never, and I mean never, trust a demon." He knew that from vast amounts of experience.
"Here now, you can't talk to me or the headmaster like that," Fudge said, slamming his hat on his head.
"Watch me. You're dismissed now. Get off my property," Harris said, grabbing the pudgy man's arm and steering him to the door.
"What about the Dementors?" Cornelius protested as he was shoved along.
"They're your problem. If I see them, I'll kill them," was all the answer he got as the door slammed shut.
"Now, Xander…"
"Don't, just don't," Xander said, walking right passed the old man.
"Hmmm," Dumbledore said, then he turned towards his office.
Xander didn't like that but continued to the Great Hall. He'd deal with Dumbledore on his own time.
Hpbtvshpbtvs
That night was Spike's first foray into the castle proper while there were kids about. He, Argus and Hagrid had gotten on well this summer and those two taught him about what to do. His job was to make out of bound students return to their dorms. There were alarms to alert if they were getting too frisky, but he and Argus were to just roam around and listen for the minor reprobates.
"How can you do this every night? It's boring," the vampire stated, taking a sniff of the air to see if he could smell anyone. There was a hint of perfume, so he turned towards it. "It's worse than walking graveyards. At least then there was a chance for a fight."
"I like to sneak up on the little hooligans," Filch said, following Spike. He knew the man was a vampire so he could find the teens faster than Mrs. Norris. "But you're right, no fighting here. Unless you're Harris. He seems to get into a few scraps a year. That or his boy, Potter."
"I'd rather be fighting," Spike said, still on the trail of the perfume. "So, Harris fights a bit, huh? Didn't think the boy had the curlies for it," he added as an afterthought.
"I'd rather be reading, but we don't always get what we want," the caretaker said, peering around for signs on what they were looking for. "Yeah, Xander has saved the school twice now that I know of," Argus stated, looking smug for some reason.
"Yeah, well good for him. Still, I guess it's better than dealing with the poof," Spike said, stopping by a door to a broom closet. He yanked open the door and there was a young couple trying to hide behind some cleaning equipment. He and Argus hadn't exactly been quiet. "Out," he barked, making the two kids jump.
"We weren't doing anything," the boy said, standing and straightening his robe.
"We were just discussing homework," the girl said with a nervous smile. They both came out of the closet with bright red cheeks. Whether it was because they were embarrassed at being caught, or that they thought Spike was cool looking, was up for debate.
"I don't rightly care wot you were doing. You're out pass naptime, get to your dorms before I set Filch on ya," Spike said, jerking his thumb at the caretaker.
"Who are you?" the brave boy asked, while the girl blushed.
"I'm the new Big Bad, and I eat kiddies who don't obey the rules," the vampire said, giving them an evil smirk. Then he lunged forward like he was going to hurt them, and they both screamed and took off. "Well, now, this might not be so bad after all," he said, watching them go.
"You might just work out," Argus said, picking up Mrs. Norris and petting her.
"I might just," Spike agreed.