Astoria — 10-11th July 2007

As Draco and the elves sent yet another box through the Floo — this one containing some of Scorpius' things — I sat at the dining table silently, sipping at my wine and ignoring the food on my plate. Scorpius was in his high chair, happily playing with his dinner and somehow managing to even get some in his mouth.

Draco turned to me and gave me a forced smile.

We'd both known this day was coming, but everything started to feel so final. I'd already signed the divorce papers; Lucius had ensured that both Scorpius and I would be cared for indefinitely, and I couldn't really ask for more.

I didn't want more.

I wanted to move on with my life and try to enjoy what was left of it. I'd wasted over three years — more if you counted the years he left me in limbo, wondering whether or not we'd be married — and I was finally done.

"I don't know what to say," Draco said, sinking into a chair at the table.

Looking down at my untouched dinner, I felt the same — there were no right words for this moment. We'd hurt each other over and over again, and now it was time to say goodbye.

We'd never really had a true marriage. Never had the chance to, really, since his affair had started so quickly.

The life we'd shared for the past year and a half had been based on lies and everything had crashed down around us, destroying the world Hermione had carefully created for Draco.

"Maybe we shouldn't say anything. It's not as if you won't see me again. We'll always be bonded by Scorpius," I replied. "This is for the best. It's taken me a long time, but I finally realise that you're never going to be able to give me what I want. It's not a one-sided separation."

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry that I treated you the way I did. At the beginning, you'd done nothing wrong. It was all me."

I swallowed hard, trying to figure out how to reply. I wouldn't apologise for getting pregnant, regardless of what I'd done to ensure it.

"And I'm sorry that I didn't just let you go. I should have. I shouldn't have even waited for you to decide you were finally ready to marry me. That should've told me that we had very different feelings."

Everything kept getting more and more awkward with each admission, each apology. We were wasting even more time trying to put things right when, deep down, too much had happened between us. We wouldn't ever really forgive and forget.

Taking a deep breath, Draco rose from his seat. "I'll be back in the morning to look after Scorpius while you're at St Mungo's."

I shook my head. "That's not necessary. You've missed work enough. I can take him with me. The countercurse only takes a few minutes to perform."

"Astoria, it's no trouble. Potter knows our situation and he doesn't mind." Draco pushed his fringe back, his long fingers carding through his hair. "And I want that little bit of extra time with Scorpius, especially since I won't be living here anymore."

"Okay, but if there's ever a time you can't make it work, you need to let me know."

"Of course," he said, his eyes darting to Scorpius, who was babbling away. "There's one more thing I think I should tell you."

My insides twisted, somehow instinctively knowing what was coming.

"Let me guess. You're back together with Hermione," I stated, making eye contact with him.

I wanted him to feel just as uncomfortable as I did.

He sighed. "Maybe. She's away for work, but she's going to be coming back once a week for therapy. She wants me to sort through everything she left me, and then we're going to talk about it all. I'm not really sure how it's all going to play out."

"But you want to be together again."

"I think we do, but we have a lot to work on," he admitted sheepishly. "We weren't excellent at communicating."

Pressing my fingers into my eyes, I shook my head. While he might not have been trying to twist the knife, he had. He'd never been willing to work on anything with me since he'd already been so wrapped up in her.

"You have a gift for understatement. You don't know how to communicate with anyone, Draco."

"I've learned that," he responded, looking away. "But honestly, can you blame me? I got myself into an impossible situation and didn't know how to get out of it."

In my mind, I said, Yes, I definitely can blame you. I can blame you for everything that's gone wrong in my life as of late.

As much as I wanted to say it aloud and pick a fight, I held my words back. It wouldn't help anyone if we had a spat right now.

"Well, thank you for telling me. I'm glad I didn't have to find out through the grapevine or in the Prophet when the news undoubtedly breaks."

Nodding, he said, "I would never let you find out that way. Despite everything, I hope we can still find a way to be friends, for Scorpius' sake."

I wanted to scream. He and I had never been friends before and I certainly didn't understand why he wanted to be now. We could co-parent without a true friendship.

Taking a deep breath, I mentally counted to three before answering.

"I'm certain it won't be easy, but maybe someday we can try. I'm just—I can't. Not yet."

The tension was building between us and I just wanted him to leave so I could have a good cry before bed. I needed to be alone.

"Okay," he breathed, pushing his hair back again. "I guess I'll be on my way. The Floo is all set up if you need anything—"

"We'll be fine, Draco. I've been managing without you most evenings."

He moved to Scorpius, and I could see the pain in his eyes as he leant down to kiss his forehead.

"I'll see you in the morning, Scorp."

Our son's bright blue eyes watched him walk towards the Floo. He waved and went back to babbling.

Draco gave me one last weak smile, and then he was gone.

The next morning, I woke up with more energy than I'd had in a long time.

Since Scorpius was still asleep, I went through my morning ablutions, taking a hot shower and readying myself for the day. After my appointment at St Mungo's, I was going to have tea with my mother and Daphne.

I had to show them that I was okay, both physically and emotionally. I didn't want either of them offering to move into my house or telling me I needed to live in theirs.

Even if I had the blood curse, the treatments had helped me so far and I was hoping they would continue to. While there was no permanent cure, I was far from being an invalid now that I was seeing healers and taking care of myself.

Just as I finished dressing, the monitoring charm on Scorpius' room rang out, letting me know that he was awake. I hadn't yet put on shoes, but I rushed out of the room and down the hallway to his bedroom.

Opening the door, I put on a bright smile. "Good morning, my love."

He smiled back at me, and my smile suddenly felt more genuine than forced.

"Mama!" he said, lifting his little arms into the air, gesturing for me to pick him up.

I went through the motions of collecting him from the cot and changing his nappy and then heard the Floo activate.

"Astoria?" Draco called. "Are you awake?"

"Dada!" Scorp squealed. "Dada!"

"In the nursery," I responded, hoping he took it as an invitation to come up.

I heard his footsteps on the stairs and breathed a sigh of relief. Even if I was feeling better, I was happy Draco was here to wrestle Scorpius into his clothes.

"Good morning," he said as he entered the room, his hair still slightly damp from a shower. "Did the two of you sleep well?"

I nodded and set Scorpius down. Immediately, he ran over to Draco and threw his little arms around one of his legs.

"We slept fine," I replied, clearing up the changing table. "Do you mind taking over? I just need to grab shoes and my bag."

"Of course." He bent down and lifted Scorpius up over his head, making him laugh. "Let's get you dressed, buddy."

Sidestepping him, I walked out of the bedroom, happy that Draco was here to help.

As soon as I was ready, I used the Floo to go to St Mungo's. My entrance into the lobby wasn't the most graceful, but the welcome witch smiled at me warmly.

"Mrs Malfoy, I believe you know the way already."

"Thank you," I replied, walking past her and towards the lift.

When the doors parted, I glanced in, surprised to see Marcus Flint walking out. A flush automatically raced into my cheeks and I looked down at the floor.

In lieu of a greeting, he said, "You never owled me."

I inhaled deeply and then met his eyes. "I know. I've had a lot going on lately."

"I was disappointed. I thought we really... connected that night."

There was an odd fluttering inside my chest and I didn't know how to respond. His openness was unexpected; in my experience, men hadn't worn their hearts on their sleeves.

Deciding that I would be just as open, I said, "I've been in treatment for a blood curse. You might have heard that one runs in my family?"

"Are you okay?" he asked, taking a step closer and settling his hand on my arm.

I looked down at his hand, unaccustomed to any man physically comforting me.

"I'm doing well now, but I was very ill after we spent the night together," I explained, trying to keep my voice even and low. "And you didn't owl me, so I thought it was just going to be the one night."

Marcus frowned. "I wasn't sure if you were still living with Draco and I didn't want to make things awkward."

"He moved out last night." My eyes roamed the lobby at large, scanning faces and searching for someone else we knew. When I didn't find anyone, I asked, "Why are you here?"

His expression shifted. "I'm here visiting my aunt. She's… Well, she's been a patient here since the war."

"In which ward?"

"Janus Thickey," he said quietly. "I come as often as I can, especially when my mum is out of town and can't pop in."

I nodded in understanding. That ward was nearly overflowing with torture victims.

"Well, I'll let you get to your appointment," he said, shaking his head and plastering on a smile. "If you're still open to it, I'd love to see you again."

My teeth sank into my lower lip as I considered it.

"I'll see how things go with my healer," I replied nervously. "Things are complicated right now."

He shrugged. "Nothing seems all that complicated after growing up the way we did. Send me an owl. Let me take you to dinner. It's not a marriage proposal, I promise."

Grabbing my hand, he raised it to his lips and then departed.

As I stepped into the lift, I smiled to myself. And, before the doors closed, I saw him turn back to toss me a wink.

"Your free magic levels are much higher than they were last week," Healer Patil said, looking over the results of my latest tests. "I'd say that the treatments are helping. Have you tried using magic?"

I shook my head. "Not really. I've been travelling by Floo whenever possible and still limiting my casting."

"I think you should try to return to a normal amount of magic use. I want to see what it does to your levels." Meeting my eyes, she continued, "Sometimes, when a person is diagnosed with an illness like this, they think they can just preserve their magic, but that's not really how it works. If you don't use your magic, it atrophies, almost like a muscle. Stretch it out and see how you feel."

"What if—I'm living alone with Scorpius now—What if something goes wrong?"

"I don't think it will," Healer Patil replied. "But maybe try it around your sister? See if she'll stay with you for a few hours?"

That was probably the smartest option, but I didn't want things to go badly in front of Daphne. Or my mother. Or Draco.

Redirecting, I asked, "Is there anything else I can do right now? I'm obviously taking the potions and coming here for the countercurse."

"Not that I can think of, other than using your magic. I'm still trying to figure out a more permanent countercurse so that you don't have to come here multiple times a week. I know that can be taxing, especially since you've got a child to care for."

"Well, I'm obviously willing to do whatever I need to."

She smiled at me. "Of course. I know that you don't want to leave your little boy. From what I'm seeing so far, the combination of potions and countercurses seem to be keeping your symptoms at bay for now."

For now.

Those two little words changed the whole sentence.

I didn't have forever.

Honestly, no one was guaranteed a forever, so I decided that I'd get on with my life and try to make the most of it. I'd go to silly luncheons and parties, spend as much time with my son as possible, and I'd owl Marcus Flint. And maybe Theo Nott.

I'd go to clubs and have a little fun. I'd learn to accept Hermione Granger and the role she might play in my son's life.

I'd try to find something — or someone — who made me happy.

For now, anyway.

Draco — 11-12th July 2007

After a morning full of Scorpius and a frustrating day in the office, I found myself wishing that I could go over to Hermione's house. However, she'd told me she was leaving for her first assignment location straight after work.

The more I thought about it, the more I felt like she was running away. With magical travel, she didn't have to stay in the country she was working in.

But I didn't want to fight her on it.

If she needed time and space, I would give it to her. Honestly, it was the least I could do after everything I'd put her through in the past.

When I arrived home the previous night, I'd set the trunk containing the rest of my memories and all of Granger's journals on a side table in my bedroom. I was tempted to head upstairs and start going through everything straight away, but I knew that I wouldn't stop to eat if I started reading or watching.

I went through the motions of having a quick dinner, changing into something more comfortable, and pouring myself a small glass of firewhisky. I drank it down, enjoying the burn in my throat. With that little bit of liquid courage, I climbed the stairs and looked at the trunk.

Inside my head, I was debating the merits of reading Granger's journals versus watching memories and I realised that I'd seen so much of our relationship already. I wanted to know what had happened to her after the fact.

After she'd erased herself from my life.

I knew I eventually had to watch what happened between my father and Hermione, but I couldn't stomach it tonight.

Crossing the room, I unlatched the trunk and saw she'd numbered the journals and left numerous little notes hanging out the side. After taking a deep breath, I opened the first one and started to read.

I was immediately transported to St Mungo's, reading the words she'd written and trying to think back and remember any little detail that I could.

Your father owled me to say that you're doing well, that I'd managed to do what I'd set out to do. You don't remember me and you love Astoria.

But had I really loved Astoria after I'd woken up? I could clearly remember feeling ambivalent towards her at first. My thoughts about her had been disjointed, ranging from reluctant acceptance to downright annoyance to unshakeable love. I hadn't been able to remember much of our relationship — mainly because we hadn't really had one — so I was more confused than anything else. After Paris, I'd warmed up to her, though the feelings of discomfort had grown over time.

Of course my father had felt the need to owl Hermione and rub salt in her wounds. And she had only commented on how she was happy I was doing well. She'd said the pain was worth it if I was happy, displaying her selflessness once more.

We were both incredibly selfish when it came to each other, and I don't think that is something that ever would've changed.

And, ultimately, I knew she was right. Through the memories I'd already seen, I knew that we'd been selfish, spending time together rather than with our family and friends.

She apologised and said that she missed me every single day.

Right away, I went back to the first page and read the entry a second time, taking note of how she'd said she hadn't been able to eat or sleep properly. I hated myself for ever thinking that she'd made the decision to Obliviate me lightly.

I turned the pages, reading and re-reading her entries from the hospital, picking up something different every single time. Whenever I read something particularly poignant, I found myself subconsciously tracing the letters with my fingers, as if that would help me to understand what she was thinking.

She'd seen my father in February, shortly after Scorpius was born and she'd been released from the hospital. And, once again, her mind had seemed to fixate on Scorpius and how she'd done this for him.

Trust me, if not for that innocent child, I would've continued to be selfish, stealing time with you whenever possible.

And if she hadn't Obliviated me, I was certain that I would've tried to find a way to split my time between her house and mine, much like I'd been doing since she'd started showing me the memories.

The first volume of her letters was heartbreaking. They made me hate myself for putting her in such a horrible position. She was supposed to be my soulmate, the love of my life, and I'd made her feel as if she were nothing to me at all. The anger that had temporarily dissipated was coming back full force, aimed squarely at myself for all the mistakes I'd made.

Setting the journal down, I rose to my feet and walked over to the window, looking down on the busy London streets. It was raining and damp, intensifying my brood even further.

Cars and Muggles huddling under umbrellas passed by, never noticing that I was there. Then, before I really realised what it was, an owl flew up to my window, her beak pecking at it.

"The weather's dreadful," I said, letting her into my bedroom. "I'm sorry you had to fly in that."

The owl gave a low hoot of thanks and held out her leg, offering me a tightly coiled scroll of parchment.

When I recognised the handwriting, it almost snapped me out of my mood and made me smile; I knew it was from Hermione since I'd just spent a couple of hours reading her journals.

She wasn't going to shut me out the whole time she was gone.

Draco,

I've settled into my temporary housing quite nicely. I was surprised at how lovely it is; I thought I'd be in some tiny little broom closet of a room, but no — it's my own miniature flat.

I hope that your day went well and that Astoria is alright. Despite everything, I wish her no harm.

Healer Clearwater has agreed to see us together starting Tuesday at 9 a.m. — a week from today. Please look at some of the journals and other memories if you have time. That way, we can discuss any questions you might have on Tuesday. Or you can owl me if you'd like. I should be in my flat in the evenings.

Hermione

Staring down at the note, I found myself wondering if I should reply to her. Everything she'd written had been to the point and it certainly didn't require a response, but I wanted to open the lines of communication between us. If I didn't respond, she might not feel comfortable sending another owl tomorrow. Or through the weekend.

I glanced at the bird perched on the footboard of my bed, amber eyes surveying me.

"I'm going to write a response. Are you up to the journey? I'm not sure where she is."

Again, the owl hooted in response and I summoned the owl treats from the lower floor, feeding her a few and conjuring a bowl of water for her to drink from. Once she was settled in, I walked down the hall and into my office, sitting down at the small desk I'd set up for myself. As I collected parchment, quill, and ink, I thought about what I should write back to her.

Hermione,

I'm glad that your accommodations are bigger than a broom closet and that you've managed to settle in nicely, wherever you are.

Astoria seems to be much improved; the counter-curse and potions are bolstering her magic levels and giving her more energy. Healer Patil isn't sure if these things will work indefinitely, but at least they're giving her some temporary relief. She's happy that she feels up to going out again.

Of course I'll be there on Tuesday at 9 a.m.

Lifting my quill from the parchment, I stared blankly for a few moments, mentally debating if I should tell her that I'd already started reading her journals. Would she be happy that I had? Or think I was overeager? I decided I didn't care if she did — I wanted her to know that I was taking all of this seriously. The journals likely held the key to understanding her better, and I was determined to read every single word of them at least once while she was away.

I've spent the evening reading your first journal. I don't really know what to say other than I'm sorry that you had to go through that because of my selfishness. I know that you'd say it was your choice to remove my memories but, if I'd been a better man, it never would've come to that. More than once, you called yourself selfish, but I think that word fits me more aptly. We can discuss it further on Tuesday, but you're honestly the least selfish person I've ever known. That's clear in the way you talked about Scorpius in your entries. I don't know if you realise this, but you mentioned him a lot. Even before Astoria gave birth, you always mentioned my child.

I paused again, steeling myself and trying to figure out how open I should be with her. At this point, I didn't think we could possibly hurt each other any worse than we already had, and one little thought I'd had likely wouldn't change much between us.

When I first started to realise that I felt something for you again, I did wonder if you'd ever be able to look at Scorpius and see more than my betrayal. Reading the way you saw him — how often you thought of him — I know that you can see past all of that. It's obvious that you cared for him, and I hope that you still do.

I'm not sure where you are, but don't feel obligated to write back tonight. Think everything over and send me an owl tomorrow whenever you're free.

Sleep well. It's been less than a day, and I miss you already.

Draco

Reading the note over again, my stomach started churning. I wanted to write more and tell her everything I'd been thinking while I read her entries, but I knew it would be too much. She wanted me to come to therapy with her on Tuesday and I'd be able to talk to her then. Before I could second guess myself, I stood up and walked back into my bedroom, prepared to send the owl on her way. She looked up at me and extended her leg once more, allowing me to tie it on securely.

"Take it back to Hermione," I said, stroking my hand over her feathers. "You can stay here and rest for a bit if you need to, though."

With another hoot, she flapped her wings, stretching them before taking off towards the window. I watched her fly away, wondering where exactly Hermione was tonight.

The next day, Potter summoned me into his office again.

"Good morning, Malfoy. How's Astoria?"

I wasn't sure where this line of questioning would lead, so I played it safe. "She's doing well, as far as I know."

He raised an eyebrow at me.

"I've moved to my own place," I clarified. "I've not seen her yet today. I'm going to pop over to see Scorpius tonight."

Nodding his head, Potter said, "I see. I'm glad that you're attempting to move on with your life." He shuffled some parchment that was on his desk and then held one out to me. "This is a job offer. I think you're the best person to take over Hermione's old position as researcher. It'll take you out of the field, and I know that's important to you now that Astoria is ill."

"No application process?"

"Not unless you decide you don't want it. Then I'll open it up to everyone."

As I looked down at the paper in my hands, I remembered that Hermione had recommended me for the job. And then I thought of her office, how I'd be the one to sit at the desk we'd defiled over and over again.

I wondered if she'd ever come up to visit if I was the one in that office.

Clearing my throat, I said, "That won't be necessary. I'd love to take the job."

"You haven't even read over the salary information, Malfoy."

"I don't need the money, Potter."

He looked away and said, "I wasn't sure if... Never mind, that's rude."

Laughing, I replied, "Pansy would flay you alive for bringing a subject like that up. No, I wasn't disinherited. My father signed off on the divorce."

"Speaking of Pansy," he began, eager to change the subject, "she's been meaning to contact you, but I think she's going a bit mad with lack of sleep from Lily and two toddlers running around."

I felt emotion welling up inside of me. Pansy had been one of my closest friends, and I hadn't really understood why she hadn't come around much after my accident. Now it was clear to me, but it still hurt.

"Oh?" I managed.

Potter pushed his fringe back, showing the scar on his forehead and reminding me of how I'd taunted him at Hogwarts. "She knows she's been a terrible friend to you, but she was afraid she'd let something slip. You know how she can be, especially when she's pissed off about something. She was trying to goad Astoria at that awkward as hell birthday dinner we all attended last year, bringing up Hermione in front of everyone who knew the secret."

Thinking back, I remembered that night. It was the first time that Astoria had started pushing for another baby.

"She also told off Astoria and your father that night," Potter added. "She had way too much to drink."

"So what are you saying?" I asked, even though I was pretty sure I already knew.

He looked down at his watch and replied, "I think you should pop over to ours and talk to her. Reconnect, you know? She should be awake until the boys take their nap this afternoon."

Even though I was hurt that she hadn't reached out to me recently, I thought about how alone and lost I'd felt on Saturday with only my parents to talk to. Pansy was in Hermione's life — had been the whole time that I'd been absent from it — and she could probably help me as I sorted through all the memories and journals.

And, on top of that, I could ask her about Blaise. I knew he was a non-issue and I shouldn't be fixated on him, but I had so many questions I still wanted the answer to.

"Reconnect," I said, testing the word. "And you're sure she wants to?"

"Positive. Plus, I'm sure she could do with some adult company. Most days, she's in the house alone with the children and no one else for company."

"And you." I smirked at him. "I'm sure you're still a bit of a child."

Potter shrugged. "Probably. I didn't get much of a chance to be one earlier in life."

"So you think I should go see her now?" I asked, remembering that he said she would be awake for a bit longer.

"If you want to. I know I haven't assigned you any recent cases, but that was mainly because I was thinking this change over. You haven't got a lot to do here, and I can always send a Patronus if I need you."

Knowing that my evening was already accounted for between spending time with Scorpius and reading more of Hermione's journals, I eagerly accepted Potter's offer of skiving off for a couple hours.

"Should I call first?"

"I'll send her a message. I'm sure it's fine, though. James and Sev are a handful."

Laughing, I said, "I remember, and I was only with them for a few hours."

"Give me five minutes, and I'll let you know if it's okay."

Nearly half an hour later, I was stepping into Potter's basement kitchen, recognising the space from one of the memories that Hermione had shown me. There were bottles in the sink and toddler dishes on the table.

"Draco, we're up here!" Pansy shouted, signalling that I should come find her.

The Pansy Parkinson I'd known never would have lived in a house without elves to do the cleaning, but it was clear there were none under her employ. Marrying Potter had definitely changed her.

Or maybe it had been Hermione's influence.

I made my way up the stairs, following the sounds of screeching and laughter to a sitting room with yet another large fireplace and a Black family tapestry adorning one wall. Since I'd seen Hermione's memory, I wasn't shocked to find it there.

Pansy was slumped on the sofa, her baby girl tucked into the crook of one elbow and the two boys playing on the floor in front of her.

"Please remind me why I thought it was a good idea to have three children in such a short timeframe," she groaned, shifting to face me. "Now I understand why we were both only children."

James, recognising me from the night we'd both been at Hermione's house, came forwards, probably looking for Scorpius. After ruffling his hair, I shrugged, tucking my hands into my pockets. "I can barely remember that time period, so I couldn't tell you."

"We're jumping right into it then," she stated, sitting up straighter and morphing into the woman I remembered. "I'm sorry, Draco. I didn't know until it was too late."

Moving a throw pillow, I sat down on the opposite side of the couch.

"I'm not here for an apology, Pansy. Hermione's made it really clear that she didn't tell anyone until after the fact, and I know my parents — or my father — wouldn't have mentioned it to you. You would've hexed his bollocks off."

"Damn right I would have," she replied, nodding her head. "I would've hit him harder than I hit Granger, that's for sure."

I sighed. "You shouldn't have taken it out on her."

She waved her hand, dismissing what I'd said. "Well, I have bigger things to apologise for. I should've told you right after I found out. It was wrong and I let Harry and Blaise sway me."

Fucking Zabini.

I knew he wasn't entirely to blame, but every time I heard his name, my blood boiled. It didn't matter that Hermione wanted to try to sort things out with me; the thought of her with my former best friend still stung. I didn't want to discuss him.

Taking a deep breath, I said, "I can't tell you that I understand, but I don't hold it against you. I just—Potter said you've been meaning to reach out to me and he thought it would be good for me to come see you."

She rolled her eyes. "He's a fucking meddlesome prat."

I couldn't stop my laugh. "So you didn't want to talk to me?"

"No, of course I did. I've been a shit friend in so many different ways," Pansy said, the words rushing out. "But, half the time, I feel like I have no brain left. I mean, this one"—she looked down at her daughter with love in her eyes—"was born barely a month ago, and things have just exploded since then."

Barely a month.

A month ago, I hadn't even known about the Obliviation. I hadn't known that Granger loved me.

When I exhaled shakily, Pansy laid a hand on my shoulder.

"I know. It's absolutely ridiculous how fast things have moved between you two." After a pause, she added quietly so the boys couldn't hear, "And what the fuck were you thinking, leaving her after you shagged?"

"I'm glad that everyone knows about that," I groaned. "I mean, it's not our private life or anything."

"Your private life sent Hermione to St Mungo's last time. It took her a long time to learn how to open up to people after that, so don't you dare make her feel bad about it."

"I never thought I'd see the day where you'd be taking up for Granger."

She frowned. "I know. It's awful, but she's grown on me over the past couple of years. She lived with us for a few months, you know."

I thought back, trying to remember if Hermione had ever mentioned it, but nothing immediately came to mind.

"When?" I asked, curious.

"Well, after she got out of St Mungo's in January, she went home," Pansy began, looking wary. "I'm not really sure how much I should tell you."

"Granger gave me all of her journals, but I haven't had a chance to read more than one." Lily stirred, drawing my attention. Just like the two other Potter children, she had jet black hair. "She's beautiful, Pans."

"She is, isn't she?" Looking up at me, she said, "My arm's asleep. Would you mind holding her for a little while?"

I shrugged. "Sure. I'll take her."

After she'd handed off the baby, I looked down at her tiny face and smiled as her eyes widened, taking in an unfamiliar shaped person.

Pansy stretched her arms. "Thanks. I needed a break." After a few deep breaths, she continued. "Well, Hermione seemed to do okay for a bit after she got home, but then there were photos of you and Astoria in the paper, and she didn't show up to work the Monday after."

I felt my heart speed up and my face heat, the shame getting the best of me.

"Harry went to her house that night and he found her still in bed. She didn't drink herself half to death that time, thank Merlin, but she'd barely moved all weekend."

"Astoria and I went to the hotel that Hermione and I used to frequent in Paris," I said, embarrassed. "I had no idea at the time."

She nodded. "I know. I'm guessing you recognised it somehow and then that manipulative little shrew told you that you'd been there with her?"

I knew I should tell her that I'd really made my own bed, but I let it go. I didn't defend Astoria because, when it really came down to it, she did lie to me about the hotel.

"That's basically what happened, yes."

"After Harry made her get up, she was going to check herself back into the hospital but he convinced her to come here. I wasn't happy at first, but she looked as lost as I'd been after the war, and I wanted to help her. She lashed out at both Harry and me that night."

Adjusting the baby in the crook of my arm, I said, "I'm glad you were there for her."

"We all tried to be," Pansy replied, twisting her hands together. "Honestly, she didn't make it easy for anyone. Not Harry and Ron, not Blaise, and certainly not me. It made me wish Ginny Weasley still lived nearby more than ever."

"Yeah, right. I doubt you'd want Potter's first love anywhere near him."

She smiled sadly. "Well, since we're so intertwined with the Weasleys, she's around. She keeps her distance most of the time, but I can tell she still loves him."

And I wondered if that was how Blaise had felt when I'd first come back to work. Granger had tried to keep her distance from me initially.

"Anyway, it took a while, but Granger started to get better. Despite everything, I knew she was lonely. I could see how wistful she was when she looked at other couples or at the boys when they were playing. She moved out on her own, but she and Blaise were both constant figures in our lives, and I knew that he'd fallen for her," Pansy explained, sighing. "I figured that if she'd been compatible with you... Well, you know. I thought things would be good between them. You were always very similar."

Hermione had told me that she eventually saw similarities between us, too. I didn't know what to say, so I stayed quiet.

"You have to understand — I didn't realise that you two were soulmates then, and I didn't think you'd ever get your memories back since your father and Astoria wouldn't let you out of their sight. I mean, fuck, they didn't even let me see you on my own the few times I came by. That's why I stopped."

I could see it now, the way they'd chaperoned visits, making things awkward. They'd isolated me so skillfully.

With another deep breath, she continued. "I just wanted Granger to be happy again. She was lonely, you know? And I knew he'd take care of her because he'd already been doing it for almost a year."

Swallowing hard, I forced myself to speak. "I know, and I'm glad you and Potter opened your lives up to her. Even though it makes me fucking angry, I'm almost happy Blaise was there for her, too. Being alone after the way we were — it can't have been easy for her. I don't blame you for trying to bring them together, Pansy."

"And she really struggled with the decision at first so I stopped pushing. I'm sure she wrote about it in those journals."

"I'm going to read more tonight, I think. I need to get through certain things before Tuesday."

"Tuesday?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"She didn't tell you?"

Pansy shook her head.

"I'm going to see Healer Clearwater with her. She thinks we need to talk everything out before..." I trailed off, knowing that it wasn't right to say 'before we jump back into a relationship' because it felt like we were already there. "Well, you know what I'm saying."

"And do you think you need that?"

"I do. I need to understand her better. I don't want to hurt her again, Pansy. And I don't want all of this to be based just on the soul connection. I want to fix what I broke between us—"

"You didn't do that on your own, Draco. Are you really still blaming yourself for everything?"

Lily squirmed and I stood up, turning her so her stomach was pressed against my chest, her little head resting on my shoulder. I supported her with one of my forearms under her bum and my opposite hand cradled the back of her head, stroking her hair.

Quietly, I said, "I am to blame for a lot of this. I know that my father and Astoria and Granger all played their parts. Hell, even my mother, but I was the one who carried on the affair and stayed married for as long as I did."

Fed up with being ignored, James came over and tugged on the leg of my trousers.

"Will you play with us?"

Pansy's lips parted, likely to tell him to leave me be, but I shook my head and looked down at him. "I will, in just a few moments. Your baby sister is almost asleep."

I saw his eyes travel up to Lily and he nodded. "Her eyes are closed."

"Good," I replied, smiling at him. "I'll be able to join you soon. Pansy, can you show me where she prefers to nap?"

She smiled at me softly. "Of course."

Following her through the house, I continued our conversation. "Everything that broke between us was because of the affair. How could she ever trust me again?"

"She feels the same way, you know. She thinks you'll never trust her again because she Obliviated you, Draco."

When we crossed the threshold of the nursery, Pansy gestured to a Moses basket. "We haven't started putting her in the cot yet."

Careful not to jostle her, I set the baby down, brushing a finger over her cheek one last time.

"You're surprisingly good at that," she said, smirking at me.

"Scorp was this tiny not too long ago," I replied, shrugging. "He was the best part of my life, especially at this stage. I felt so confused and off-kilter and it was winter. My whole world was centred around him."

She linked her arm through mine and started marching me back towards the sitting room. It felt good, talking to someone I'd considered a friend and making a start on bridging the distance between us.

"And are there more babies in your future?"

Inwardly, an image of Hermione with a curly-haired little girl appeared in my mind, making my heart race. I was desperate for that, and I almost blurted it out.

Stopping myself, I rolled my eyes. "Don't you think it's a little soon for that? We've got so much baggage to deal with—"

Pansy laughed, surprising me. "You two say the same things, and it's absolutely hilarious. When Hermione was here on Saturday, she was talking about baggage too. You're on the same page without even knowing it."

Silently, I wondered how long it had been that way.

When I got home from visiting with Scorpius, there was an owl waiting for me on my bedroom windowsill.

Shedding my jacket and removing my cufflinks, I walked over to let the bird in, feeling annoyed with myself. I'd spent far too much time with Pansy and Potter, asking questions and getting half-answers. I'd nearly been late to Astoria's for my visit with Scorpius, so I hadn't been home all evening. The letter was, more than likely, from Granger, and I'd obviously kept her waiting..

As I took the note, a smile spread across my face. It wasn't something I'd intended, but even the thought of a note from her filled me up with a joy I wasn't accustomed to feeling.

Draco,

Hope you've had a good day and that things have remained as quiet as ever in the DMLE. I've met some fascinating witches and wizards, so thank Godric for translation charms! We've been working together nearly seamlessly already, even though I'm coming in midway through. I obviously can't say much, but this was definitely the right decision for me.

Anyway, back to our previous conversation, I'm glad that the treatments are helping Astoria. Like I said, I don't harbour any ill will towards her. I let it go quite some time ago.

I've read your note a few times and have been trying to figure out how exactly to respond.

I'm so glad that you've jumped into the journals. I think you'll learn a lot about me and the way I think through reading what I wrote. The first one is probably pretty repetitive. And, even though you say I wasn't selfish, I definitely was when it came to you. I didn't consider Astoria's feelings, and that was wrong of me.

As for Scorpius, I won't lie — he is a reminder of everything that went wrong with our relationship, but I can think rationally and see past it. He was the only innocent one in the whole fucked up situation we created. Please don't worry about me viewing him in a negative light. I never could.

Know that I miss you too. I keep thinking about what you're doing and the memories you might be watching and wishing I was there with you, but I think this distance will help you get through the rest of the memories with a clear head. If I was there, we'd undoubtedly find a way to fall back into bed together, and that's not what's best for either of us right now.

I hope you don't mind me asking a favour of you... but could you please watch the memories I gave you before we meet with Penelope? Obviously I'm talking about the ones I pulled from my own mind, not the whole trunk. I think, before we can decide anything about us, we have to talk about your father. And possibly your mother, too.

If you want to reply, you can. I'm just in my flat doing some reading and will be up for several hours. I'm shocked at how fast this owl flies. I think she might have been spelled to deliver international post faster.

Hermione

I read her response to my letter a few times and tried to figure out how to respond. My stomach turned with anxiety; I thought we'd already made the decision to try. She'd admitted she felt something, even if she hadn't said love. I couldn't stand the thought of losing her again now, especially because of my parents' actions.

Instead of letting my thoughts spiral out of control, I sat down at the desk again and picked up my quill.

Hermione,

I'm glad that you're enjoying your new position already. Honestly, I'm not shocked that you're already fitting in well with your new colleagues.

So you need a translation charm? That helps me narrow down where you might be. And even magically modified post owls have their limits for delivery speeds...

But, speaking of new jobs, Potter offered me your old position — and your old office — today. I accepted, of course. Thank you for recommending me for the job. It means a lot, especially coming from someone who did it so well. I'm not sure what the timeline will be exactly, but I'm looking forward to the change.

Since I'm going to be moving on to the new role, I took the rest of the afternoon off and spent it at Grimmauld Place catching up with Pansy. Of course, since she's Pansy, she did most of the talking. I'm sure you're accustomed to that. Anyway, we've made a start of becoming friends again and I played a game of Quidditch with James and Sev. I can't believe that Potter had himself made into a Quidditch figurine. That's a bit over the top, don't you think?

I'll definitely watch the memories that you gave me before Tuesday. I'm sure that we both have plenty to say on the topic of my parents, but let me tell you this: I will never, ever pressure you to interact with them, Hermione. If you don't want anything to do with them, I understand. Half the time, I still don't want to speak with my father; I do it only for my mother's sake. I haven't forgiven him or forgotten the things he's done. Every time I leave Scorpius with them, I make sure that my mother will be there, and that will hold even more true in the future.

I'm counting the minutes until Tuesday morning.

Draco

After re-reading the note, I decided that there was really nothing more to update her on. I didn't want to keep repeating the same things over and over, even though I still thought it was silly that she thought herself selfish. I fervently wished that she would come back to Britain and just Portkey to wherever she was each day; these conversations would be so much easier to have in person.

With a sigh, I stood and headed towards the bedroom where the owl was sitting on the windowsill, cleaning its feathers. She looked up at me and, seeing the parchment in my hands, extended her leg.

At the last second, I thought of something else

"Can you wait just a minute? I want to surprise her with something else."

She nodded her head and I rushed downstairs, rifling through an unpacked box containing numerous shrunken books.

Finding one on runes, I looked down at it and smiled. It was a basic text that she'd undoubtedly devoured numerous times, but it would serve the purpose I needed it to. I opened the cover and wrote on the title page.

I think you should study these over the next few weeks. I fully intend to quiz you — the way I did in Paris — when you get home.

Sweet dreams, darling.

After charming the ink to be invisible and the book to be nearly weightless, I sprinted back upstairs and added it to the owl's load. She hooted before taking flight, and I thought it might have been a thank you for not giving her a heavy book to carry to wherever she was. As I watched the owl fly off again, I grew suddenly nervous, feeling like I might have made a mistake by implying that we'd be together in that way again.

But there was nothing to be done about it now.

Stepping away from the window, I steeled myself to watch the memory where my father had threatened Hermione and hoped that she considered the rune book a cute nod to the way things used to be, rather than pressure to immediately jump back into bed.

Author's Note: Next chapter to post Saturday, September 11th.

I've updated the total chapter count to 75. It may end up one or two less, but it will not be more.

As always, thank you all for reading!