Buffy, I love you...God, I love you so much.
Oh my GOD what am I doing?!
Buffy wrenches out of his grasp with a furious growl.
"Oh God no. No."
Spike hasn't caught up to the situation yet, his hands are reaching for her, grabbing her by the hips and pulling her back again but she shoves back hard.
"STOP! What the hell do you think you'd doing?"
"I... I-" he's blinking hard trying to right himself as he leans against the pillar in the centre of the crypt. He shakes his head, trying to dislodge her from his system. The taste of her is in his mouth. Her scent on his skin. He opens his eyes again and sees she's heading for the door.
"Buffy- wait. Stop!" He grabs her by the arm spinning her back round to face him. His face stings in a sudden slap that echos in the crypt.
"Let GO of me."
She tries to yank her arm out of his grip but he holds on, catching her other hand as it hurtles for his face again, fist clenched. He drags her in closer, feeling her shaking with anger.
Crossed a line. Oh God, I've crossed the line. They always say hate and love are just two sides of the same coin and I've gone too far the other way and now I can't get back to the other side.
I'm not the only one in this. She can scratch and kick and bite all she wants but she kissed me back.
She said she wanted me first.
He's so wrapped up in his own thoughts, staring at her lips that are practically red in the crypts gloom, feeling himself growing harder, that he's missing her words entirely. The heat from her body pressed against his is flooding him with warmth all the way down. All the way up. Filling his head with a hot red fog.
He's still got her by one wrist but the other hand lets goes of her bicep and snakes around her arm and back together, crushing them closer. The breath in her lungs is flowing over his chest with each gasping breath.
His lips touch hers for just a second before she pulls back out of reach.
"Spike! Snap out of it!"
"Come on. Finish what you started, Slayer-"
She jerks her wrist free out of his grip and pushes him so hard in the chest he cracks his head against the pillar. A searing jolt of lightning crackles across his scalp from the healed over incision at the back of his head.
Buffy takes a deep shivering breath, bending to retrieve the stake from the floor.
"You're disgusting."
"You wanted it too!"
"That's not true."
"It is! And you know it is! You can't deny it! You can't deny that!"
"It was nothing. And I'm leaving."
She turns, walking for the door.
"The HELL you are." He blocks her path, "Buffy, Stop! We need to talk about this."
"There's nothing to talk about. It was an accident."
He snorts. "You in the habit of accidentally sticking your tongue down another man's throat? Poor Finn. Really feel for the bloke."
Her fist connects with his nose this time, whipping his head back. The pain from his face connects with the pain from the back of his head and he growls from the agony of it all.
"Get out of my way."
"No." He's blocking the doorway, and the cool night air blows in across the skin of his back.
Want to burn again. She's made the cold feel so hollow now...
"Get OUT OF MY WAY, Spike."
"Kiss me like that again first."
"NO!"
"You feel it too. I know you feel it too. No one kisses like that without meaning it."
She moves to pass him and he catches her by the waist, slamming her into him. She struggles but as his lips graze a soft spot at the base of her throat she lets out an involuntary gasp. In an instant his lips are back on hers, tongue tangling around hers as his hand slides further around her waist.
Buffy's head swims.
"Spike-"
There's no room to breathe. No room to think, as his fingers claw at her, scratching down her arms as his kiss turns more wild. Hungry. Full of teeth and tongue and burning need. For a heart-stopping head-spinning moment she can feel her legs buckle and he grabs her hard round the back of her waist yanking her up into him, crushing her against the door frame.
Her tongue wraps around his and she claws at him back.
Nothing like Riley.
Nothing like Angel.
Not soft. Not gentle. Not safe. It's all mess and anger and need underneath. God it hurts how much I want that...
His hand grips the back of her top and she hears a slight rip as the fabric gives underneath his clawing fingers.
"Uuh, Buffy-"
Her name in his mouth brings her hurtling back to reality.
"No Spike, stop it!"
She pulls back, shoving him aside. There are hard little pink crescent moons up his arms from her fingernails and she feels a wave of nausea sweep over her. She can feel welts rising up her own arms from the scratches he's left there.
Oh my God I've messed everything up. I've ruined everything. Riley already thinks I've got a vampire complex, if he finds out about this... Ugh I was just angry.
Her throat chokes around the tears she's not letting fall.
Just a mistake. It meant nothing. Just a mistake.
She tries to pass him.
"Buffy- I-"
"Don't."
"Buffy-"
"No. Just..." she steps around him, avoiding his outstretch fingers. "Just don't."
The graveyard his cool, damp mist swirling across her skin, but she doesn't feel it. She feels like she's been set on fire. Every bit he touched feels scorched and raw.
She rubs at her arms, trying to dispel the scratches over her skin but they only redden more from the friction.
They'll go. They'll be gone by tomorrow and we'll go back to hating the sight of one another and the world will make sense again.
She sighs, running her fingers through her hair. Pulling at it as she tries to pull her mind back together.
God when did the world ever make sense though. That's some heavy wishful thinking.
And mom will be fine and Riley won't be such a chauvinistic bonehead with a my-girlfriend-can-beat-me-through-a-wall complex and hey since we're imagining completely unlikely scenarios I'll ace all my finals and have a normal life for a whole week and a half, why not.
She picks up the pace, pounding the pavement back to her house.
There's a heavy sickly feeling of adrenaline bolting through her blood stream, driving her to distraction. It pulls at her stomach like a knotted string dragging her thoughts back to the crypt.
Back to the strange peace where there was only need, and nails on skin, and teeth on lips. Nothing but blood storming through her head and a fiery ache.
I'm just not trying hard enough with Riley. All men get a little wigged out about the super strength and the chosen one destiny stuff. It's understandable... in a... completely sexist, ridiculously cliched military man kind of way.
Unbidden the feeling of Spike pressed around her flickers back into her mind. How he hadn't buckled under her strength, but groaned from it like it was heaven. Begging for more of it...
...Not all men then...
GOD snap OUT of it. He's not a man, he a monster. And unhinged anyway, he doesn't count. Willow would say he's an outlier, skewing the bias or something.
She steps into the house, leaning against the door taking a deep shuddering breath.
Upstairs Dawn's music carries down and Buffy collapses on the steps for a moment, not wanting to move further into the house. Her hands are shaking slightly, and she rests her head in her them, trying to pull herself together. Her lips feel sore and bruised, and she runs her fingers over them. They're still slightly swollen from the force of him.
"Buffy?"
Dawn's standing on the steps behind her. Buffy turns and Dawn takes a seat next to her on the steps.
"Everything alright?"
"Yeah Dawnie. Everything's fine."
"You found Riley? He's all good?"
"Yeah. Doctors got there just in time. He's going to be fine."
Dawn eyes her sister's face, not taken in by the false cheeriness in her voice.
"...That's good right? So why the scowl?"
"I'm not scowling."
"You were scowling."
"No I wasn't!"
"You were, you were doing that thing mom does where she looks like a concerned caveman."
"I WAS NOT-" Buffy stops before the anger bubbles out of her and misfires at Dawn. "It's just been a long day is all."
"...I know. I guess Riley could've probably picked a better time to go AWOL."
"It's not his fault. The initiative stuff made him all crazy. It's just... bad timing."
"Sure." Dawn scrunches her knees up into her chest, and Buffy folds a long lock of hair behind her back, smoothing it down. Dawn smiles at her.
"You want something to eat? There's leftover pizza in the kitchen."
"Nah. Think I'm just going to shower and hit the hay. I'm fully done with today."
Buffy gets to her feet, heading up the stairs.
"...Buffy?"
"Yeah?" she turns on the stairs.
"There's a hole in that top."
Buffy feels behind her, fingers finding a rip right at the back. She sighs, rolling her eyes.
"You meet a vampire on the way home?"
"...Yeah."
"Well... at least you won." Dawn smiles, bouncing up the stairs ahead of her.
...I don't feel like I've won.