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Remnant Who
By ReaderWarrior
I do not own Doctor Who or RWBY.
World War Three (A)
Beta'd by: -
As always, please comment! It honestly makes my day to read your thoughts and opinions.
Tell your friends!
Honorary (dead) companions:
Clive, Raffalo, Moxx, Jabe, Sneed, Gwyneth, Ganesh
'Bigger on the inside!'s:
2 (Rose, Jackie)
Fantastics:
5
Harriet Jones' greetings:
3
"Please let the Doctor be okay," Ruby cries. "He has to be!"
Weiss shakes her head. "I'm not sure how. That seemed fairly deadly. I'm not sure how someone could survive that much voltage without Aura."
"What about Rose and Jackie?" Blake adds. "They have their own Slitheen to deal with."
"Whoever they are, they don't know who they are messing with," Yang growls.
Qrow sets down his drink. "Let's get this over with," he smiles.
Green continues to laugh as he watches the Doctor fall to his knees. However, his postering stops when the Doctor begins to rise. Grunting in pain, the Doctor is able to reach for the ID around his neck and rip it off.
"Deadly to humans, maybe!" he yells, stumbling forward.
"Yes!" Ruby yells.
"They didn't account for another alien," Blake realizes. "Who knows how much pain a Time Lord can take compared to a normal human."
Green's smile turns into a growl as the Doctor runs up to Asquitheen and places his still-electrified card onto the alien's collar.
The creature screams as the electricity wraps around it. Surprisingly, Green starts to shake as well, blue wires of energy erupting from his neck. The Doctor quickly turns around and runs out the door.
"Those collars must all be linked," Weiss gasps. "That means every Slitheen with one might be receiving the same punishment."
"Serves 'em right!" Yang snarls.
Similarly, Margaretheen began to scream as electricity coursed over her body. As she shook, her large claws opened and dropped Ganesh's lifeless body onto the floor with a loud 'thud'. Seeing their chance, Rose and Harriet Jones run past the alien and back into the greater building of 10 Downing Street.
RWBY cheers.
Jackie still sat cowering as her attacker began to squeal. Unlike the others, this Slitheen offered no escape, covering the exit with its body. It wasn't until Mickey rushed inside that she began to move.
"Rickey to the rescue," Qrow smirks.
"It's Mickey," Ruby corrects.
"That's what I said."
Mickey quickly grabbed a chair from the dining table and yelled, "Jackie!" as he hit the Slitheen with his makeshift weapon. The alien stumbles but does nothing to react as it continues to scream in pain. Mickey rushes forward and grabs Jackie's hands, pulling her up and out the door. They only stop for a moment as Mickey pulls out his phone and takes a picture of the alien.
"What the heck are you doing?" Weiss snaps. "Don't take a photo, get out of there!"
He smiles to himself but backs away when the Slitheen takes a swipe at him. He quickly grabs Jackie's hand once more and the duo runs out of the apartment.
"Oi!" the Doctor yells as he runs into the main foyer where dozens of armed soldiers stand at attention. "If you want aliens, you've got them. They're inside Downing Street. Come on!" The Doctor claps, drawing their attention as he runs off. They all quickly follow, guns at the ready.
"Yeah!" Yang cheers. "Take 'em down!"
"As long as the ID card stays attached to its collar," Blake infers, "then they should have no problem."
Green struggles to move as he watches his comrade spasm. With a shaking hand, he slowly reaches forward and grabs a hold of the ID badge attached to his neckband. Grunting, he is able to pull it free. All at once, the electricity stops flowing.
"Dang it," Blake frowns.
Yang nods. "Yeah, Blake, why did you have to jinx us?"
"I didn't mean to…"
"Reinstate my disguise!" Asquitheen gargles. Green quickly rushes to his feet and grabs the skin of his ally's human form. "Hurry up! Hurry, hurry!"
As Rose and Harriet Jones run out into a hallway, the older woman makes a loud cry. "Oh, wait!" she yells, forcing the blonde to stop. "They're still in there," she explains, "the Emergency Protocols, we need them!"
"Are they really that important?" Ruby asks.
"Doubt it," Qrow sighs. "Probably just a bunch of papers telling you things you should already know."
She turns back and runs inside, with Rose a few seconds behind her (after sighing and rolling her eyes initially).
But Margaretheen was there and no longer distracted by the electric surprise from earlier.
"Run!" RWBY yells as the Slitheen marches towards them.
Screaming, Harriet Jones and Rose turn around and run back into the hallway and into another room.
The Slitheen roars as Rose shuts the door in its face. However, the alien easily smashes through the wood and lunges at the two women, forcing them to flee into another room for safety.
The Doctor and his soldiers burst inside just as Green was pulling the cover down on Asquith's head.
"Where've you been?" Green asks, the soldiers checking on vital signs from the other guests. "I called for help, I sounded the alarm. There was this… lightning, this kind of, um, electricity, and they all collapsed."
"Oh, shut up you liar!" Yang growls.
"Now all they have to do is pin this one the Doctor," Weiss sighs. "After all, who are they going to believe? The Prime Minister and one of his generals, or a random man in a leather jacket?"
One of the soldiers checks the pulse of one of the bodies. "I think," he comments with a Welsh accent, "they're dead."
Green steps towards the soldier with wide eyes. "That's what I'm saying. He did it! That man there!" Pointing, Green turns everyone's attention to the Doctor.
Blake sighs. "Weiss is right again."
"What's that supposed to mean?!"
"I think you'll find the Prime Minister is an alien in disguise," he explains.
Qrow laughs. "Yeah, like that'll work."
Glancing to the soldier on his left, the Doctor lips his lips. "That's never going to work, is it?" he asks.
"No."
"Fair enough."
Even in this hopeless situation, the gathered viewers cannot help but laugh.
"At least he was honest," Ruby giggles.
The Doctor pushes past the armed guard and runs back into the greater building with guards on his tail. They all quickly give chase, charging at the man they believe to have killed over a dozen alien specialists and government officials (as well as the attempted assassination of a general and the acting Prime Minister).
One of the guards sees the Doctor running down a hall. "Down there!" he yells, turning the corner. The Doctor freezes as more soldiers cut him off. He quickly turns around, only to see more armed soldiers as he backs himself up against a wall.
"Crap," Weiss hisses. "They've got him cornered.
"Maybe he can summon the T.A.R.D.I.S and use it to get away?" Ruby offers.
"Doesn't work like that," the Librarian chuckles. No matter how hard I try to make it so.
With him trapped, General Asquith runs up and pushes between some of the guards. "Under the jurisdiction of the Emergency Protocols," he orders, "I authorize you to execute this man!"
"That can't be legal, can it?" Qrow frowns.
The Librarian frowns. "I don't know. Morally? No. But this is a situation where the Doctor apparently killed a whole bunch of officials. And who is going to disobey an order from a general?"
"I would."
"Yeah, but you disobey any order that you don't see the point of."
Qrow laughs. "That's true."
The Doctor raises his hands in surrender. However, his buzzing sonic screwdriver rests easily between a few fingers. "Well, now, yes, you see, uh, the thing is, if I was you, if I was going to execute someone by backing them against the wall, between you and me, little word of advice," the elevator behind the Doctor dings as the wall behind him slides away, revealing an elevator. "Don't stand him against the lift."
"Sonic to the rescue!" Ruby cheers.
Qrow raises an eyebrow. "What kind of idiots let a possible terrorist/murderer just stop in front of a door?"
Smiling, the Doctor steps back into the box and points his sonic against the control console. It whirls loudly, closing the doors before any of the soldiers could react.
Team RWBY lets out an ecstatic hurrah.
"Now all he has to do is find Rose and help her," Blake smiles.
Running through another set of doors, Rose and Harriet Jones continue to flee from Margaretheen but are stopped by a locked door. The Slitheen growls in excitement as the two struggle to open the door, jiggling the handle in panic.
"Just break it down!" Yang yells.
"She doesn't have Aura, Yang," the Librarian sighs. "And I doubt Harriet can do any better."
The blonde grumbles. "Still… It's not like shaking the door handle is going to help."
Luckily, the lift dings and grabs the alien's attention.
The Doctor smiles. "Hello!"
Blake's bow twitches. "Oh, thank goodness."
"But now it's gonna get him!" Ruby yelps.
He nods quickly to Rose, who continues to try and open the door. Snarling, the Slitheen raises its large claws to swipe at the Doctor. But he uses his sonic to close the doors before its blow could land.
"You were saying," Yang smirks.
Blushing, Ruby does her best to sink into her chair. "I wasn't technically wrong," she mumbles. "The Slitheen did try to swipe at the Doctor."
Realizing it's been tricked, Margaretheen looks back and watches the two women run into a separate room.
"Hide!" Rose orders, after trying to open another door. The room had multiple couches inside, as well as a drinking cabinet and a folding screen. Rose quickly leaps behind the cabinet while Harriet Jones does her best to hide behind the screen.
Weiss groans. "Those have to be the absolute worst places to hide I have ever seen."
"Yeah," Qrow agrees. "I remember when they were kids, Ruby and Yang could somehow hide on a fan and in the bed."
"Like underneath the covers?" Blake frowns.
Yang laughs. "Nope! I got into the mattress."
"I never did find out how you did that," Ruby mumbles.
The Doctor, on the other hand, ascended to the second floor, where he checked his surroundings. When he was certain the coast was clear, he ran out and back towards the stairs.
Asquith faces his command with Green as they wait for the lift. "I repeat," he orders, "the upper floors are under quarantine. You will stay where you are, you will disregard all previous instructions, you will take your orders directly from me."
"Smart," Qrow nods. "Keeping the upper floors as devoid of life as possible. They can kill all they want."
"Like a perimeter on a Grimm Hunt," Blake agrees.
'Ding!'
The two aliens in disguise move to step inside, only for one of the guards to stop them.
"Mr. Green, sir," the soldier warns. "I'm sorry but you've got to come with me. We should evacuate the entire building."
The acting Prime Minister steps forward and growls at the man. "Sergeant, have you, um, read the Emergency Protocols?"
"No, sir."
"Then don't question me," Green snaps.
"Neither did you!" Weiss and Yang snap at the same time.
"Seal off Number Ten, secure the ground floor, and if the Doctor makes it downstairs, shoot on sight!" Green steps back into the lift and smashes one of the buttons on the console, closing the doors before the sergeant has a chance to respond.
The sergeant turns back to his men. "Well you heard him!" he shouts, pulling out his pistol. "Move out!" The soldiers quickly ran off, following orders.
"Let the sport begin," Asquith chuckles, only to be interrupted by a loud fart from Green.
"I'm getting poisoned by the gas exchange. I need to be naked!"
Blake shudders. "Why did they need to make it worse by saying that?"
"Would you rather have them say 'my fellow Slitheen! Let us take off our humany-flesh disguises so we may kill with our normal bodies'?" the Librarian asks, making his voice hiss like a reptile for his impersonation.
"Yes."
"Rejoice in it. Your body is magnificent," Asquith comments. He and Green quickly start reaching for the zippers and removing their skins.
Margaretheen crashes her way through the door and into the room Rose and Harriet Jones are hiding in. "Ooh," she trills, "such fun." The Slitheen begins to walk around the room, searching lightly for the humans she was hunting. "Little human children, where are you? Sweet little human kins, come to me. Let me kiss you better. Kiss you with my big, green lips."
"Nuh-uh," Ruby shudders. "Nope. That's creepy. Stranger danger!"
Weiss nods in agreement. "I'd rather kiss a Nevermore."
Realizing her spot wasn't the greatest, Rose crawls away from behind the cabinet and into the drapes, wrapping herself.
"Better," Qrow sighs," but still not that good."
"Try inside the cabinet!" Yang offers.
Meanwhile, the Doctor continues his descent down the stairs. He glances down for a moment and listens to the rushed voices and footsteps of the soldiers following their orders. Ignoring them, he walks through one of the hallways, looking for his companion.
Before he could find them, the elevator dings, causing the Doctor to jump and hide around a corner.
"It does us good to hunt," Asquitheen gargles. "It purifies the blood."
Now 'naked', Greeneen and Asquitheen make their way past the Doctor (without him being noticed).
Team RWBY lets out a breath of relief.
Greeneen snarls. "We'll keep this floor quarantined as our last hunting ground before the final phase." With quiet footsteps, the Doctor trails behind them as they walk through the shattered remains of a door.
"Final phase?" Blake frowns. "What's their end goal?"
"Maybe to replace the entire government with their own kind?" Ruby offers.
"My brothers," Margaretheen coos as she faces the two newest arrivals.
Greeneen waddles over to her. "Happy hunting?"
"It's wonderful," she nods. "The more you prolong it, the more they stink."
The Librarian tsks. "That, ladies and gentleman, is why you deodorize."
"In case you get chased around a government building as alien psychopaths try to kill you after you watched them create a fake, crash-landing?" Qrow smirks.
"Yes. And because it smells nice."
Shaking, Harriet Jones does her best to keep quiet as the Slitheen chuckle.
Asquitheen takes a deep inhale. "Sweat and fear," he smirks.
"I can smell an old girl," Greeneen clarifies. "Stale perfume-" Harriet Jones frowns at this, "-and brittle bones."
"Rude," Weiss glares.
The original hunter, Margaretheen, makes her way towards the drapes, adding, "And a ripe youngster, all hormones and adrenaline. Fresh enough to bend before she snaps." Vocalizing the last word, she rips away the drapes from their hangers, revealing Rose. The girl promptly screams in fear.
Ruby does as well. "Go for the throat! Take them by surprise!"
"Where's the Doctor?" Yang yelps. "He was right behind them."
"No!" Harriet Jones yelps, leaping out from her own hiding spot. "Take me first! Take me!"
Qrow raises an eyebrow. "Wow, that's noble."
"You'll find honor is still in the hearts of those who aren't given it," the Librarian nods.
She raises her arms sacrificially, only for the door to burst in at the last moment.
Wielding a fire extinguisher, the Doctor leaps into action. He points the nozzle at the two male Slitheen and douses them in foam. Behind them, Rose grabs the drapes from the floor and tosses them over the now-distracted Margaretheen. The hostile aliens roar loudly.
"Doc to the rescue!" Yang cheers.
Weiss scrunches her face. "But he couldn't find anything better than a fire hydrant?"
"Out, with me!" the Doctor orders. Taking this as a cue to leave, Rose and Harriet Jones run behind him as he continues to spray his extinguisher. "Who the hell are you?" he asks.
"Harriet Jones," the woman greets, not having the time to pull out her ID. "MP for Flydale North."
"Yeah!" RWBY cheers
The Doctor smiles. "Nice to meet you!"
"Likewise!"
As the fire extinguisher slowly dies, the three decide to retreat. The Doctor abandons his weapon and follows the women out the door. "We need to head to the Cabinet Room," he yells, catching up to them.
"The Emergency Protocols are in there," Harriet Jones agrees. "They give instructions for aliens."
The Doctor turns down a corridor. "Harriet Jones, I like you."
"I think I like you too!" she pants.
"She's a little old for him," Yang snickers.
"Well," Blake defends with a small blush, "he's kinda too old for her."
She, and Rose behind her, follow the Doctor back through the many halls of 10 Downing Street. Looking back, they could now see the Slitheen siblings running after them, howling in anger.
Turning down one last corner, the Doctor pulls Harriet Jones and Rose into the Cabinet Room. The elder woman rushes over to the Emergency Protocols while the Doctor grabs a hold of a small decanter filled with alcohol. He raises his sonic screwdriver to it as the Slitheen arrive.
"What the hell is that going to do?" Qrow snickers.
"Make it shaken, not stirred," the Librarian smiles.
"One more move and my sonic device will triplicate the flammability of this alcohol," he warns, his sonic buzzing softly. "Whoof, we all go up. So back off."
Ruby's eye twitches. "I'm sorry. What?"
"Triplicate… the flammability?" Weiss mumbles. "I don't even know what that means."
"Me neither."
The Slitheen take a step back in fear. Smiling, the Doctor lowers his 'weapon'.
"Right then, question time. Who exactly are the Slitheen?" he asks.
Harriet Jones, clutching the Emergency Protocols, answers first. "They're aliens."
The sound of hands slapping foreheads echoes throughout the theatre.
"Yes, I got that, thanks."
"Who are you, if not human?" Greeneen inquiries, referring to the Doctor's proclamation when he survived their attempted assassination of all the alien specialists.
Harriet Jones frowns. "Who's not human?"
"He's not human," Rose answers, nodding at the Doctor.
"He's not human?!"
Weiss' eyes go wide in realization. "I almost forgot she didn't know. Do you think she'll see the Doctor as a threat?"
"Well, her only experiences with extraterrestrials so far have been trying to kill her, so I guess she shouldn't be denied her exclamation," the Librarian says.
"... You didn't answer my question."
The Doctor turns around to face the two women. "Can I have a bit of hush?"
"Sorry."
"So," he continues, turning back to the Slitheen, "what's the plan?"
"But he's got a Northern accent," Harriet Jones critiques in a whisper.
Rose smiles. "Lots of planets have a North."
Team RWBY laughs. "That's exactly what Rose said to the Doctor when they first met," Ruby explains to her uncle."
"Heh," he chuckles. "What goes around, comes around."
"I said hush!" the Doctor reiterates. He raises the glass once more as a warning. "Come on! You've got a spaceship hidden in the North Sea. It's transmitting a signal. You've murdered your way to the top of government. What for? Invasion?"
"Why would we invade this God-forsaken rock?" Greeneen growls.
"Wait," Blake frowns. "If they aren't here to invade, then what are they here for?"
Qrow shrugs. "Usually, messed up 'people' like these creeps only do things for three main reasons. "Money, revenge, or…" the huntsman looks over at the innocent faces of his nieces and their friends. "Sorry, I meant two."
"Then maybe they have a vendetta against humans?" Weiss offers.
Yang's eyes go wide. "Or they're racist like Cassandra!"
"I don't think so," Ruby frowns. "Doesn't feel like a hate crime… more like a game to them."
The Doctor frowns. "Then something's brought the Slitheen race here. What is it?"
"The Slitheen race?" Asquitheen chuckles.
The head alien laughs as well. "Slitheen is not our species. Slitheen is our surname. Jocrassa Fel Fotch Pasameer-Day-Slitheen at your service."
"So, you're family?" the Doctor smiles.
"Then what species are they?" Yang frowns.
"Who knows, kid?" Qrow shrugs. "Is it that important?"
The blonde grumbles. "Probably to the Doctor…"
Green, now Jocrassa, nods. "A family business."
The Doctor's eyes go wide. "Then you're out to make a profit!" he realizes. "How can you do that on a God-forsaken rock?"
"Selling humans on the black market?" Yang offers, earning a glare from Blake.
"Or perhaps there is a substance found on Earth that isn't on their homeland," Weiss offers."
Before they could answer, Asquitheen raised his claw. "Uh, excuse me. Your device will do what? 'Triplicate the flammability'?"
"Is that what I said?"
"You're making it up!" Slitheen realizes.
The Doctor looks down at the vial and chuckles. "Oh, well. Nice try."
"I knew it!" Ruby smirks.
Blake nods in agreement. "It did sound like unspecific techno-mumble."
He holds the glass out behind him. "Harriet, have a drink. I think you're gonna need it."
"You pass it to the left first," she comments, not taking her hands off the briefcase.
Weiss nods sophisticatedly. "Port decanter is meant to be passed around clockwise, never across or back on itself."
"Do rich people need to make everything unnecessary?" Yang groans. "It's just passing booze!"
"Port decanter is not 'booze'," Weiss hisses. "
"Sorry." He swings the glass around and hands it to Rose.
She takes it. "Thanks."
"Cheers," Qrow smiles, tossing back his own flask.
"Now," Asquitheen growls. "We can end this hunt with a slaughter." They begin to scrape their claws against each other, sharpening them. However, the Doctor makes no move to leave. He instead crosses his arms.
"Don't you think we should run?" Rose asks, worriedly.
Ruby gulps. "Yeah, it doesn't seem like there is anywhere to go."
"Maybe he's got a teleporter?" Blake offers.
"Fascinating history, Downing Street," the Doctor begins. "Two thousand years ago, this was marshland. 1730, it was occupied by a Mister Chicken, he was a nice man. 1796, this was the Cabinet Room. If the Cabinet's in session and in danger, these are about the four most safest walls in the whole of Great Britain. End of lesson." The Doctor then reaches slightly to his right and lifts up a false electrical outlet. Pressing the button hidden beneath it, large metal slabs begin to slide down on all of the windows. The metal shutters crash as they slam into place, locking down the room. Finally, a large metal door closes in between the Doctor and the Slitheen.
He turns around with a smile and pockets his screwdriver. "Installed in 1991. Three inches of steel lining every single wall. They'll never get in."
"WOAH!"
"That's awesome!" Yang cheers with raised arms. "Now the Slitheen can't get it
Rose looks around for a moment, still holding the decanter. "How do we get out?"
"... Ah."
"But they also can't get out." Yang's arms droop.
"So?" Weiss frowns. "They should be able to do a lot of things from here. They have the plans."
Jocrassa turns back to his siblings. "He's safely contained. Now, cut off communications inside that room, then summon up the family! It's time we finished with this insane planet for good!" The three turn and begin marching back into 10 Downing Street.
"The family?" Blake repeats. "How many more of them could be?"
"I'd guess a lot," Weiss offers. "Since they said it was a family business."
"You're a family business. There are not that many Schnees."
Yang giggles. "Heh. Slith-Schnees."
Back at Jackie's flat, Mickey and Rose's mother exit through a back door. They press themselves up against the wall and slowly make their way towards a corner. Sirens are still wailing and soldiers remain in position as they guard the area. In tandem, the two run towards a pillar and stop behind it. When there is no reaction, they run to the next. Again, no reaction. With that, they run towards another door and quickly get inside.
"I don't know whether to applaud these two for sneaking through this or to laugh at the lack of awareness these guards have," Qrow mutters.
"Both," Ruby offers.
"Both is good."
Still live, the same newscaster is continuing his segment. He watches as more cars arrive on the scene, revealing more suited (and frankly, 'large') guests who quickly run into 10 Downing Street. "And there's still no word from inside Downing Street, though we are getting even more new arrivals. That's group Captain Tennant James of the RAF, though why he's been summoned we've no idea. And that's Ewan McAllister, Deputy Secretary for the Scottish Parliament. And this is most unusual. I'm told that is Sylvia Dillane, Chairman of the North Sea Boating Club. Quite what connects these people, we have no idea."
"Slitheeeeeeeen," Yang hisses.
Back in her skin suit, Margaret smiles as she greets one of the guests. "Group captain!" she exclaims. "Delighted you could make it. We're meeting upstairs." He nods and lets out a small fart. "That's the spirit," she chuckles, "off you go." As soon as he leaves, another man takes his place in line and shakes Margaret's hand. "Good to see you! Come on through."
General Asquith walks by and stops to talk with one of the soldiers. "Ah, Sergeant, now that the Doctor's been neutralized, the upper levels are out of bounds to everyone."
Blake frowns. "That doesn't make sense. If he's been neutralized, why wouldn't they be allowed up there? The 'threat' is gone."
"Who cares," the Librarian smiles. "All we know now is that the Doctor has them trapped."
"Um, they have him trapped," Blake corrects.
"He's got 'em all on the same floor, and all together," Ruby realizes. "He does have them!"
"Then who are they?" Sergeant asks, nodding to the guests who just came in.
Asquith answers, saying, "need to know, Sergeant, need to know. I want you to liaise with Communications. The acting Prime Minister will be making a public address. He will speak to the nations of the world!"
"What's he going to say?" Yang asks. "'Hi, I'm an alien. And we need money'?"
"More likely," Weiss answers, "he's going to threaten them."
"I like my way better."
Upstairs, Margaret escorts the last of the guests to a room already filled with blue light. "There you are. If you'd just like to go through and get changed." The disguised Slitheen nods and steps inside. As she 'gets undressed', Margaret runs to the other end of the room, where a fully naked Slitheen walks out with his skin in his claws. Margaret quickly grabs a clothing hanger and inserts it into the skin's head, commenting, "now, if you'd like to head down to the end of the corridor, it's first on the left."
"Thank you," the Slitheen gargles as it follows Margaret's directions.
"The fact they are so… nonchalant about this is almost disturbing," Weiss groans.
Ruby grabs her stomach. "Yeah. It's kinda freaky."
"Maybe they've done this so many times, it's just natural for them to start doing it this way?" the Schnee-heiress offers.
Mickey grabs a tea kettle from one of his cabinets and places it on his stove.
"Got anything stronger?" Jackie asks, leaning against the counter.
He shakes his head. "No chance. I've seen you when you've had a few. This ain't time for a conga!"
"I think she deserves it after everything she's gone through," Qrow offers.
"Oh, can it you drunk bird," the Librarian snaps sarcastically. "What they need now is to be focused and vigilant."
"And something to calm their nerves."
"We've got to tell someone!"
"Who do we trust?" Mickey inquires as he checks his cabinets. "For all we know, they've all got big bog monsters inside of them. I mean, this is what he does, Jacks, that Doctor bloke. Everywhere he goes, death and destruction. And he's got Rose in the middle of it."
He grabs two mugs as Jackie asks, "has he got a great big green thing inside him, then?"
Ruby turns to the Librarian with wide eyes. "Does he?"
"No. The Doctor is the Doctor. He's not disguised or anything, that's his body."
"Phew."
"I wouldn't put it past him," Mickey answers as he pulls out a milk jug from the fridge. "But like it or not, he's the only person who knows how to fight these things."
Jackie's face goes slack. "I thought I was going to die." She suddenly dissolves into sobs, covering her face.
Awkwardly, Mickey does his best to comfort her and offer her a hug. "Come on, yeah? If anyone's going to cry, it's going to be me. Now, you're safe in my flat, Jacks. No one's going To look for you here, especially since you hate me so much."
"You saved my life!" she chokes out. "God, that's embarrassing."
Mickey nods. "You're telling me."
"I still don't like how she treated him," Yang warns. "He could have just left her."
"He's being the better person, Yang," Blake smiles.
"I know, I know. Still ticks me off, though."
She chuckles lightly. "He wanted me dead," she realizes, standing up and looking at the door. "And he's still out there, Mickey. That policeman, that thing."
In front of the T.A.R.D.I.S, the disguised Slitheen takes a large sniff. He smiles before turning back to the other policemen surrounding the blue box. "Right, you head off," he orders. "Inform Control I have got one or two things that still need doing. I haven't quite finished with Mrs. Tyler yet." As the guards leave, he begins to make his way towards Mickey's flat.
Weiss' eyes go wide. "And he can smell them!"
"Oh, shoot," Ruby gasps. "I forgot!"
"They need to lock the doors, asap."
Green passes a naked Slitheen, nods to it, and watches it saunter off before catching up with Margaret. "Is that all of us?"
"All the family except Sip Fel Fotch," she answers, struggling to hook the last skin on the coat rack. "He's found a hunt of his own."
"Ah!"
"Crap," Yang groans. "And without a way to communicate with the Doctor, Mickey is all on his own."
"Let's hope he's learned how to deal with aliens this last year," Blake adds."
As respectfully as he could, the Doctor drags Ganesh's body into a small storage room, where the Prime Minister is now also laying. "What was his name?"
"Who?" Harriet Jones asks, looking through the Emergency Protocol files.
The Doctor rests Ganesh's body on the ground. "This one," he clarifies. "The, uh, secretary or whatever he was called."
Getting up, Harriet Jones studies the body for a moment. "I don't know," she whispers. "I talked to him. I brought him a cup of coffee. I never asked his name." She slowly walks back to the table as the Doctor crosses the corpse's hands.
"Sorry," he whispers before jumping back into the main area.
"His name was Ganesh, I think," Ruby remembers.
"A rightful life, a wrongful death," Blake repeats, remembering the Librarian's chant.
"Right, what have we got? Any terminals, anything?"
Rose checks underneath a desk, rattling the drawers. "Nope, this place is antique. What I don't get is, when they killed the Prime Minister, why didn't they use him as a disguise?"
"He's too slim," the Doctor answers as he uses his sonic to scan the metal plating. "They're big old beasts. They need to fit inside big humans."
"That explains why the people they inhabit are…" Weiss coughs into her fist, "larger than the average person."
"But there's still a lot of them to fit into a human body," Yang frowns. "How do they do that?"
"Maybe the Doctor will explain," the Librarian teases, referring back to the screen.
She frowns. "But the Slitheen are about… eight feet. How do they fit inside?"
The Doctor pockets his screwdriver. "That's the device around their necks," he explains. "Compression field. Literally shrinks them down a bit. That's why there's all that gas. It's a big exchange."
Blake nods her head. "That explains it."
"So them farting is just because they need to breathe?" Ruby frowns.
"I guess so."
"Wish I had a compression field," Rose comments. "I could fit a size smaller."
"You and me both," Yang laughs.
Harriet Jones frowns. "Excuse me, people are dead! This is not the time for making jokes."
"Sorry. You get used to this stuff when you're friends with him."
"Well, that's a strange friendship," the MP for Flydale North comments.
"Yeah," Qrow nods. "She doesn't seem as attached to this as I'd think."
"Well," she's already seen her planet blow up," Ruby explains. "So I think she's okay."
The Doctor pauses. "Harriet Jones. I've heard that name before. Harriet Jones. You're not famous for anything, are you?"
The elderly woman scoffs. "Hardly!"
"Rings a bell… Harriet Jones," the Doctor repeats, continuing to examine the room.
Ruby gasps. "Maybe she'll be famous in the future!"
"Maybe," Weiss agrees. "But only if they make it out of here alive."
"Lifelong backbencher, I'm afraid," she explains. "And a fat lot of use I'm being now. The Protocols are redundant. They list the people who could help and they're all dead downstairs."
Rose grabs one of the papers. "Hasn't it got, like, defense codes and things?" she asks. "Couldn't we just launch a nuclear bomb at them?"
"What's a nuclear bomb?" Qrow asks.
The Librarian sighs and his face goes dark. "A nuke is the most powerful weapon mankind has ever created. It's capable of vaporizing people in a flash of light. And has a blast radius of almost 4 miles. It then leaves behind radiation for years, poisoning the Earth."
"Woah." Ruby's eyes go wide. "That sounds… devastating."
"It is. Thank God they've only been used twice," the Librarian nods solemnly.
These things sound worse than the maidens, Qrow thinks.
"You're a very violent young woman," Harriet Jones realizes, taking the paper back.
"I'm serious, we could!"
"Well, there's nothing like that in here," she explains. "Nuclear strikes do need a release code, yes, but it's kept secret by the United Nations."
"Probably safer that way," Weiss gulps.
Blake nods. "Especially considering how dangerous they can be."
The Doctor rushes over to her side. "Say that again."
"What? About the codes?"
"Anything," he nods. "All of it."
"Um, well, the British Isles can't gain access to atomic weapons without a Special Resolution from the UN," Harriet Jones explains.
Rose scoffs. "Like that's ever stopped them."
"Exactly, given our past record. And I voted against that, thank you very much. [1] The codes have been taken out of the government's hands and given to the UN." She turns to the Doctor. "Is it important?"
"Everything's important," he states.
Ruby nods. "So maybe they want the nukes?"
"If they're advanced enough to have compression fields, surely they have weapons of mass destruction," Blake thinks.
"But maybe not the nuclear weapons, specifically. What if there's something special about them?"
She sighs. "If we only knew what the Slitheen wanted." Harriet Jones gasps. "Listen to me. I'm saying Slitheen as if it's normal."
"What do they want, though?" Rose asks.
"Well, they're just one family, so it's not an invasion," the Doctor thinks. "They don't want 'Slitheen World'. They're out to make money. That means they want to use something, something here on Earth, some kind of asset."
Harriet Jones frowns. "Like what?" she asks. "Gold? Oil? Water?"
"Or uranium," the Librarian offers. When everyone looks at him, confused, he explains saying, "it's the power behind a nuke."
Nodding, the Doctor looks at Harriet Jones. "You're very good at this," he smiles.
"Thank you."
"Harriet Jones," he repeats. "Why do I know that name?" Before he could ponder on it further, Rose's phone beeps.
"Wait, I thought they cut off communications," Yang frowns. "And that the metal plating would have made it impossible to call anyone."
Ruby's eyes wide. "But the Doctor messed with her phone!" she remembers. "Jiggery-pokery, right?"
"Oh, yeah… I forgot."
"Oh," she gasps. "That's me."
The elderly woman turns to Rose with a surprised look. "But we're sealed off. How did you get a signal?"
"He zapped it," Rose explains, pulling out her phone. "Super phone."
"Then we can phone for help," Harriet Jones gasps, leaping out of her chair. She turns to the Doctor, commenting, "you must have contacts!"
"Dead downstairs, yeah," he nods.
Rose opens her phone and gasps softly. "It's Mickey."
"Oh, tell your stupid boyfriend we're busy," the Doctor groans.
"That's rude," Blake frowns.
Weiss nods in agreement. "Yes, but he doesn't know there was a Slitheen hunting them. For all he knows, Mickey is just saying goodnight."
Rose steps towards the Doctor and hands him her phone. "Yeah, he's not so stupid after all." The Doctor looks down and sees the image of an electrified Slitheen.
"No, no, not just alien, but like, proper alien. All stinking, and wet, and disgusting. And more to the point, it wanted to kill us!" Mickey explains, opening his bedroom.
"I could have died!" Jackie adds from the doorframe.
"Is she all right though?" Rose asks. "Don't put her on, just tell me."
"Why doesn't she want to talk to her mother?" Ruby asks.
"It'd add too much hassle," Qrow explains. "All she needs to know is if she's safe. Otherwise, all you've got is a worried mother yelling at her daughter."
"And Jackie definitely wouldn't stop unless the line dies," the Librarian agrees.
The Doctor grabs the phone from Rose. "Is that Rickey?" He presses the mobile to his ear and orders, "don't talk, just shut up and go to your computer."
"It's Mickey," he clarifies. "And why should I?"
"Mickey the idiot, I might just choke before I finish this sentence, but…" The Doctor pauses and licks his lips. "I need you." Behind him, Rose does her best to cover her smile.
Yang gives a soft cheer. "Yeah! You go, Mickey!"
"Rose is enjoying this a little too much," Weiss smirks.
Within minutes, Mickey had his computer on and had loaded the page for the UNIT website. "It says 'password'," he relays.
The Doctor plugs Rose's phone into the tabletop speaker. "Say again."
"It's asking for a password."
"'Buffalo'," the Doctor answers. "Two 'F's, one 'L'."
"That's it?!" Ruby's jaw drops. "That's such a stupid password!"
Weiss nods in agreement. "Surely the Doctor, a time traveler who visits alien worlds, can think of a more ingenious password than 'buffalo'.
"Would you have ever guessed it?" the Librarian smirks.
"No…" both girls respond slowly.
Jackie walks in, handing Mickey a cup of tea as he begins to type in the password. "So what's that website?" she asks.
"All the secret information known to mankind," he answers as the next page loads. "See, they've known about aliens for years. They just kept us in the dark."
"Mickey, you were born in the dark!"
"Oh," Rose's voice sighs. "Just leave him alone."
Mickey smiles. "Thank you." He turns back to the screen, only for it to freeze. "Password again," he explains.
"Just repeat it, every time," the Doctor snaps.
Team RWBY shakes their heads.
While Mickey works, he begins to pace around the room. "Big Ben. Why did the Slitheen go and hit Big Ben?"
"You said to gather the experts," Harriet Jones remembers, now holding a glass of liquor in her hand. "To kill them."
The Doctor shakes his head. "That lot would've gathered for a weather balloon. You don't need to crash-land it in the middle of London."
"The Slitheen are hiding, but then they put the entire planet on Red alert," Rose thinks, remembering all of the information they have gathered. "What would they do that for?"
"They put everyone on edge," Blake thinks. "Everyone becomes afraid."
"They make less rational thoughts," Yang adds. "Especially when someone the love might be in danger.
"Oh, listen to her," Jackie groans, earning an eye roll from her daughter.
Rose glares at the speaker. "Oi! At least I'm trying."
"Well, I've got a question if you don't mind," Jackie interrupts. "Since that man walked into our lives, I have been attacked in my own living room, and my daughter disappeared off the face of the Earth."
"I told you what happened!" Rose groans.
"I'm talking to him! 'Cos I've seen this life of yours, Doctor, and maybe you get off on it, and maybe you think it's all clever and smart, but you tell me, just answer me this… Is my daughter safe?"
"No," Ruby answers solemnly. "She's not safe."
"She almost died three times already," Blake agrees.
"But that doesn't mean she shouldn't do this. She's picked her path and she deserves to see it through to the end," Ruby smiles.
When did Ruby get this insightful? Qrow asks himself mentally.
"I'm fine," Rose answers. However, the Doctor does not. Instead, his face has gone blank.
"Is she safe?" Jackie asks again, with no answer. "Will she always be safe, can you promise me that?"
No response is uttered from the Time Lord. He looks up at Rose instead, watching her.
"Well, what's the answer?"
Mickey grabs his phone back as his computer chirps. "We're in."
"He didn't answer," Weiss sighs.
"He doesn't have to," Yang answers.
"Now then," the Doctor explains, leaping into action, "On the left at the top, there's a tab, an icon, little concentric circles, click on that."
Clicking the tab, Mickey is greeted by the sight of an oscilloscope reading. Waves of sound wax and wane around a middle bar as a strange message plays in an alien tongue. "What is it?" he asks.
"The Slitheen have got a spaceship in the North Sea and it's transmitting that signal. Now, hush, let me work out what it's saying."Mickey places the phone next to the computer, letting the audio flow clearly from the speakers.
From her seat, Blake leans forward. Beneath her bow, her cat ears a strained as she too tries to listen to this message. "It just sounds like a garbled mess."
"Probably in code," the Librarian offers. "So that the Earthlings cannot understand it."
"He'll have to answer to me, one day," Jackie growls, causing Mickey to jump.
He waves at her. "Hush!"
"It's some sort of message."
"What's it say?" Rose's voice asks.
"I don't know," he answers. "It's on a loop, keeps repeating."
Mickey's doorbell begins to buzz loudly, causing everyone to flinch.
Team RWBY jumps as well. "Who the heck is that at this hour?" Weiss snaps.
"Probably Mickey's family making sure he is okay," Ruby offers.
"And they're just showing up now?"
"Hush!" three voices cry out.
Mickey shakes his head. "That's not me!" He turns to Jackie and nods towards the door. "Go and see who that is."
"It's three o'clock in the morning," Jackie frowns, glancing at Mickey's nightstand clock.
"Well, go tell them that!" The doorbell continues to buzz as the Doctor continues to mumble. As he does, Jackie stands up and walks to the door.
"It's beaming out into space. Who's it for?"
The doorbell continues to ring as Jackie unlocks the door. "All right!" she yells, opening it wide, revealing the disguised person of Sip Fel Fotch.
"Oh, shit," Yang curses.
"Mrs. Tyler," he hisses with a smile, only for Jackie to slam the door in his face.
"You need to get out of there, now," Blake orders.
Yang slams a fist into her palm. "Or get something to beat 'em up with."
"It's him!" she yells, running back to Mickey. "It's the thing! It's the Slickeen!"
Mickey quickly grabs the phone. "They've found us!" he yells, running out of the room.
"Mickey," the Doctor warns, "I need that signal."
"Better they're alive than you just knowing what the Slitheen are saying," Weiss argues.
Qrow, however, disagrees. "They need to make sure the Doctor gets that message. If they don't, everyone on that planet could die."
"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few," the Librarian whispers. "I should expect no less from a senior huntsman."
"No," Ruby frowns, shaking her head. "Save everyone you can. And they can be saved. They need to run."
"Never mind the signal!" Rose yells. "Get out! Mum, just get out! Get out!"
Grabbing a large wooden bat from a closet, Mickey shakes his head (even though they can't see it). "We can't," he explains, marching to the front hallway. "It's behind the front door." Blue light begins to seep from under the door. "Oh, my God. It's unmasking. It's gonna kill us."
"There's got to be some way to stop them," Harriet Jones cries. "You're supposed to be the expert. Think of something!"
"I'm trying!" the Doctor yells back, running around the table.
"Try harder!" Yang snaps.
Mickey's voice continues to crackle through the speakers. "I'll take it on, Jackie. You just run. Don't look back. Just run."
Weiss covers her mouth. "He's willing to sacrifice himself so she can run… even after all she did."
"He's a good man," Blake agrees.
The Doctor, Rose, and Harriet Jones all listen to Mickey's brave words as the sound of the door being smashed grows louder.
"That's my mother," Rose whispers, staring at the Doctor.
"Help her," Ruby pleads.
He nods and runs back around to the other end of the table. "Right, If we're going to find their weakness, we need to find out where they're from, which planet. So, judging by their basic shape, that narrows it down to five thousand planets within traveling distance. What else do we know about them? Information!"
"They're green!" Rose offers.
The Doctor nods. "Yep, narrows it down.
"Good sense of smell."
"Narrows it down."
"They can smell adrenaline."
"Narrows it down."
Harriet Jones jumps in this time. "Their technology!"
"Narrows it down."
"The spaceship in the Thames," Rose remembers, "you said 'slipstream engine'?"
"Narrows it down."
Mickey gasps loudly. "It's getting in!"
"They hunt like it's a ritual," Rose continues.
"Narrows it down."
"Wait a minute," Harriet Jones realizes. "Did you notice? When they fart, if you'll pardon the word, it doesn't just smell like a fart, if you'll pardon the word. It's something else. What is it? It's more like, um…"
Rose snaps her fingers. "Bad breath!"
"That's it!" she cries with a nod.
"Calcium decay!" The Doctor cries, a smile stretched across his face. "Now that narrows it down!"
Everyone watches the Doctor run through a mental checklist of everything he knows about the Slitheen. When he smiles, so do they.
"Look at him go," Weiss gasps.
"He's like a computer," Yang adds with an equal amount of awe.
Ruby's silver eyes stay wide. "How many alien species does he know?"
"Billions and billions," the Librarian smiles. "More than any star you can see in the sky."
"Amazing," Blake whispers.
"We're getting there, mum!"
"Too late!" Mickey screams as the door begins to fall to pieces.
"Calcium phosphate," the Doctor realizes. "Organic calcium. Living calcium. Creatures made out of living calcium. What else? What else? Hyphenated surname. Yes! That narrows it down to one planet! Raxacoricofallapatorius!"
"Raxa-what now?" Qrow chuckles.
Yang rolls her eyes. "Raxacoriotius"
"Not even close," Weiss smiles. " It's raxacoricofallapatorius."
"Nice job ice-queen," Yang smirks.
"Thank… Hey!"
"Oh, yeah, great. We could write 'em a letter," Mickey snarls as Sip Fel Fotch rips apart the door with a loud shriek.
"Get to the kitchen!" the Doctor yells.
Mickey quickly escorts Jackie across his flat and into the kitchen. As she holds the door shut, the raxacoricofallapatoriusian slams into the door. Mickey begins to barricade the door with anything he could find.
"Why would the Doctor have them come into the kitchen?" Blake asks.
"Knives?" Ruby offers.
"Oh, my God!" Jackie screams. "It's going to rip us apart!"
"Calcium, weakened by the compression field," the Doctor explains. "Acetic acid! Vinegar!"
"Just like Hannibal!" Harriet Jones exclaims.
"Just like Hannibal," the Doctor agrees.
"Who?" Qrow asks.
ELI's voice answers saying, "Hannibal was an Ancient Carthaginian general and statesman who commanded the forces of Ancient Carthage in their battle with the Roman Republic during the Second Punic War."
"Great," the huntsman grumbles, taking another sip of his drink. "I got none of that."
"He was a famous military leader," ELI responds in a flat tone.
"Mickey, have you got any vinegar?"
Mickey pushes against the thumping door. "How should I know?"
"It's your kitchen!" the Doctor snaps back.
"Cupboard by the sink, middle shelf!" Rose remembers.
Taking matters into her own hands, Jackie rips the phone from Mickey's. "Oh, give it here. What do you need?"
"Anything with vinegar!"
"Thank the gods Jackie and Rose are here," Yang smirks, "or else Mickey would be dead."
Weiss scoffs in agreement. "Who doesn't know what is in their own cupboard?"
Ruby looks at the heiress. "Can you even tell me where your fridge at your actual home is located?"
"... At least mine isn't just full of cookies!"
"Cookies are the only thing I need!"
Jackie bursts into action, grabbing a pitcher from the sink and opening cupboards. "Gherkins!" she yells, pouring a container's contents into her pitcher. She continues to grab more items off of Mickey's shelves, pouring more and more into her pitcher. "Yeah, pickled onions! Pickled eggs!"
"You kiss this man?" the Doctor asks, to no reply from Rose.
Ruby gags in agreement.
The door finally gives way, forcing Mickey back as Sip Fel Fotch barges inside. It hisses at Mickey and Jackie, who both ready their own weapons. Shielding herself with Mickey's body, Jackie tosses the assorted acetic commodities at the Slitheen.
Sip Fel Fotch blinks for a moment, confused. He looks down and farts.
Then promptly explodes.
"Oh, my gods." Weiss covers her mouth.
"That's… I think I'm going to be sick," Ruby groans, reaching for a bucket.
Qrow quickly passes it to her. He then glances up at the Librarian, who makes no comment about the disgusting nature of the Slitheen's death.
He catches Qrow's stare. "When you've seen as much as we have, I don't think we can even be surprised anymore." When everyone groans they're fine, the screen resumes.
Green innards and skin cover the kitchen, as well as its occupants. Jackie and Mickey gawk at where they last saw the alien creature, only to dissolve into sighs. They look at each other and promptly run to the sink to throw up.
"Hannibal?" Rose asks.
Harriet Jones nods. "Hannibal crossed the Alps by dissolving boulders with vinegar," she explains.
"Oh."
"Smart," Yang nods.
Blake smiles. "You'd rather just punch through them, though."
"I've got the gift, why not share it," the blonde answers back with a wiggle of her eyebrows.
The young blonde then grabs one of the drinks Harriet Jones had scattered around the table and raises it. The Doctor and Harriet Jones follow suit. "Well, there you go then." They all sip the liquid, but the Doctor quickly spits it back out in disgust."
Qrow scoffs, "it's not that bad. I would think a 90o-year old would do better with alcohol."
"Time Lord taste-buds are different from that of a human's," the Librarian explains. "Imagine if you had someone replace your drink with sewage water. That could very well be how he tastes it."
Asquith marches past a small armada of guards. He stops behind Green, who has a look of pure hatred in his eyes. "He's dead," the 'general', reports. "Sip Fel Fotch Pasameer-Day-Slitheen is dead."
"I felt it," he whispers in a dark tone. "How could that happen?"
"Someone must've gotten lucky."
Green turns to his brother with a snarl. "That's the last piece of luck anyone on this rock will ever have!" He then proceeds to walk away and out the doors of 10 Downing Street, ready to give his proclamation.
"They made them angry," Ruby shudders. "I don't think that was the best idea."
Weiss nods. "But it's likely they'll become more erratic. Maybe the Doctor will be able to ascertain their plans easier."
"Why don't they just get a bunch of vinegar and toss it at the Slitheen?" Yang asks. "It seems to work really *gulp*, really well."
"Well, Rose, Harriet, and the Doctor are stuck in the room with no vinegar," Blake lists. "While Jackie and Mickey are at his apartment. And I doubt they could get there fast enough with a city-wide lockdown."
"Not to mention the Slitheen will be on their guard," Qrow adds. "Let's see if the Doctor can get himself out of this mess."
"So… Hobey-ho?" the Librarian smiles.
"Hobey-ho!" Everyone answers. However, Qrow's wasn't as energetic as the other four occupants.
[1] I have no idea what this is referring to, sorry (as I was 5 when this came out and do not live in Europe). If someone is willing to tell me, I'll make a note on my next update.
Hello everyone, I hope you enjoyed this chapter of Remnant Who. Sorry these two took so long. I haven't been able to focus and other irl-situations have been getting in the way. By the way, I do not recommend taking 6 4-credit courses in one semester.
Thank you to everyone who has voted on my poll thus far. By the time this has been updated Disneyland is in the lead. Wow, I honestly wasn't expecting that one to be winning. But I hope you will all enjoy it. It'd probably be nice to take team RWBY somewhere that isn't about alien creatures trying to kill people (OR WILL IT?!).
Also, HOLY FUDGING COW GUYS. The update for the last two episodes got over 1.08k views in one day. Thank you so, so, so, so much. I never thought we would reach that goal. It's been such a pleasure to write this Fic. My only sorrow is how long it takes me to update it. Thank you all so much. I almost cried when I saw it.
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