SLOW BURN
~ Chapter 13 ~
A/N: Sorry, once again, for the delay in posting; I promise, I am going to do my utmost to get this thing on track.
Narrowing his eyes against the harsh glare of the overhead fluorescent lighting, Grissom cupped his hand beneath the running faucet and, filling it with water, quickly washed down the two Motrin he'd had the foresight to bring with him.
He felt better than he had in days especially since both the nausea and vomiting had disappeared but the constant low-level headache and occasional abdominal twinge still bothered him and, as much as he hated to admit it, the energy he'd expended trailing behind Sara in what felt like an almost constant loop around the large baby store was beginning to take a toll.
He wiped his mouth and then washed both hands before pulling open the men's room door and, reentering the dining area of the Henderson bistro they'd chosen for lunch, made his way back to the corner booth he was sharing with his wife.
"You okay?" Comfortably ensconced on one side of the well-padded bench, Sara eyed him warily as he retook to his seat. "You're looking paler than you were when we left this morning," she shook her head. "I knew we shouldn't have come out today."
"I'm fine," he assured her as he offered what he hoped was a convincing smile. "I'm just a little tired still, that's all; I bet I'll be ready to go again just as soon as I've refueled."
"You've barely refueled since Saturday morning," Sara commented dryly. "And just because Ben seems to have bounced back quickly doesn't mean you have." She nodded towards her cell phone on the table. "I got a text from Judy while you were gone and apparently he's running around her place the way he normally does; I just hope she doesn't let him get too wild, the last thing he needs right now is to be overtired."
"Ben's perfectly fine and, considering she's raised three children of her own, I have absolutely no doubt that Judy Robbins knows what she's doing so stop worrying about him, okay." Reaching across he placed his hand gently over hers. "And I'm fine too, I promise." Grissom cocked his chin at the two glasses of iced tea that had not been on their table before his trip to the bathroom. "I'm going to guess we've ordered."
"Yep, although she said the kitchen is running a little behind at the moment so there's probably a fifteen to twenty minute wait." Sara nodded. "I ordered the grilled chicken salad you wanted and the pumpkin ravioli with brown butter and sage followed by tiramisu for me," she patted her stomach. "Because apparently someone's in the mood for Italian today."
"That's your story and you're sticking to it, huh?" Grissom chuckled as she eyed him indignantly. "All those times you've said in the past how much you love tiramisu but can't justify the calories and now you've got the perfect scapegoat."
"Are you accusing me of using our unborn child as an excuse to pig out?"
"No," he clarified, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "I'm teasing you for using our unborn child as an excuse to pig out." He smiled knowingly. "But, if there's any time to spoil yourself a little it's now because, trust me, you won't get the chance to do much of it after our little friend there arrives." He eased back against the booth's plush backrest. "So, are you happy with today's purchases?"
"Yes, definitely." Sara nodded happily. "We managed to get everything I had on my list plus some things that I probably never would have even thought of." She frowned. "Are you sure we'll need a bassinet though? We still have Ben's crib, I kind of thought that that would do."
"And it will," Grissom concurred. "But 2 a.m. feeds get old really quickly and, believe me, having the ability to keep the baby close at hand, especially during the first couple of months is going to be a lifesaver." He smiled a little sadly. "It was Mom that taught me that one; she spent two weeks staying with me when I first bought Ben home from the hospital and one of the first things she did was go out and buy a bassinet."
"Mom knows best, huh?" Sara returned his smile with a soft one of her own. "I wish she could see him now; she'd be so proud of him."
"I'd like to think that she can." Dropping his gaze, Grissom placed his hand on his wife's stomach. "And that she'll be watching over this one as well." He chuckled quietly. "She was shocked when she ended up with one grandchild, she'd never have imagined having two." Gently caressing the swell beneath his fingers, he glanced up, both eyebrows raised in question. "And speaking of grandmas…"
"No!" Reaching out for her glass, Sara gave her head an adamant shake. "I know she's the only living grandparent our children have but you know how she reacted to Ben when we took him in to meet her, I'm not putting him or us in that kind of position again."
"She was shocked, Sara," Grissom quickly pointed out. "And you never really gave her a chance to get over it. You'd been going to see her every month like clockwork and she'd have been expecting that visit to be just like all the rest and, instead, you turned up with your estranged husband who, to be honest, she's never been entirely comfortable with and a ten month old baby that you were suddenly claiming was your son." He held up a finger to halt the outraged protest that he knew was about to burst forth. "And, before you say it, we all know that Ben is, without a doubt, one hundred percent yours however, to Laura there was just no way that the things you were telling her could be true." He patted her bump. "But now, you'd be going there with this, with proof that a baby is on the way; she'd be able to adjust to the idea of a grandchild gradually and, once she'd done that, I'd like to bet that she'd accept Ben too."
"Possibly," Sara conceded a little grudgingly. "And, looking back, I'm willing to admit that, maybe, I could have handled things a bit better but, if there's one thing that episode reminded me of, it's that my mother's moods can turn on a dime and the end result is never pretty." Dropping her hand, she placed it firmly over his on her belly. "I grew up dealing with that, remember, so I know firsthand just how scary that can be for a child and I will not put ours through that." She sighed wearily. "We make sure she gets the best possible medical help that we can, Gil and, maybe one day, they'll get her stable enough that I'll feel that I can trust her with my family but, considering how long she's been getting treatment, I can't see that happening anytime soon…" She took a deep breath and let it our slowly before continuing. "So I think the safest thing for all us is to just accept that Grandma Laura is not going to be in the picture, okay?"
"I've said from the start it was all up to you but-"
"But nothing." Determined that what she was doing was right for all of them, Sara was not about to budge. "Maybe I'll start going to see her again after the baby is born but I'm not going to tell her anything about it, okay? There's a part of me that's sad that it has to be that way but there's a bigger part of me that's determined to protect my children…" she squeezed his hand tightly, "… my family in whatever way I have to and if that means keeping my mother out of their lives then so be it."
"Okay." Raising both hands in surrender, Grissom decided a change of subject was, undoubtedly, the best course of action. "Have we made a final decision on the paint for the nursery?"
"You know, I love the green and, if I'm honest, that really is the color I want to use but now I'm second-guessing myself thanks to Greg's assertion that the baby's a girl." Sara sighed in exasperation, both at her friend's steadfast declaration and her own indecision. "I mean, I don't particularly lean towards pink myself but, if he's right about the sex, others will and I'm not sure how a whole load of pink is going to look in a green room."
"If you want the green go with the green and don't put too much stead in what Greg says," Grissom advised as he idly massaged his left temple. "He's been making claims about his grandmother's gifts for years now and, so far, he hasn't been able to prove a single one of them"
"You think it'll look alright?" There was no mistaking the renewed hope in the question. "I mean, it's a pretty neutral green; it would work for either a boy or a girl, right?"
"Of course it would," Grissom assured her. "And, if we stop off at the hardware store after we're done here, I can have the room prepped, painted and ready to fill with everything we just bought by the end of the week." He leaned forward slightly. "Since you're back at work tomorrow night, I thought you could spend the morning taking it easy with Ben while I head back out to Swallow Bay and collect the rest of the data that I'll need for this month's report." He shrugged. "It'll only take a couple of hours so I should be back in time to make lunch for the two of you."
"Do you really need to work tomorrow?" Sara asked, her brow furrowing in concern. "Despite what you said before I know you're not feeling well; surely you could get what you need later in the week."
"Possibly," Grissom conceded, "but I'm meeting up with Brass on Wednesday, the pool will be filled and, hopefully, the contractor and his guys will finish up on Thursday and we've got two new cars to pick up on Friday morning so, if I don't do it tomorrow, I'm not sure when I'll be able squeeze it in."
"Don't tell me Jim's got you trying on suits for the wedding already."
"As far as I know he's not even thought of stuff like that yet." Suddenly unsure of the reception he was about to get, Grissom cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably on the bench. "Actually, we're going out to buy a gun."
"Excuse me?" Sara's eyes widened at the news.
"We're going to drive out to that firearms place on South Durango and I'm going to buy myself a gun." He elaborated before offering her a fairly nonchalant shrug. "I think, given what's been going on around here lately, that's probably the sensible thing to do, don't you?"
"Um, possibly…" A bemused smile played around her lips as she processed the information. "But you hate guns."
"True," Grissom conceded with a small nod. "But I love my family and, like you, I need to make sure that they're protected." He watched her face, still not entirely sure that she completely onboard what he was telling her. "Conrad fast-tracked a concealed carry permit for me and Jim's going to put me through my paces at the range so it won't even be coming into the house until we're both satisfied that my skills are up to scratch again."
"You're actually going to carry a weapon?" Sara chuckled. "Something that you all but refused to do when it was part of your job."
"Yes, I am but back then I really only had to worry about myself" Locking eyes with hers, he smiled softly. "Now I have to worry about the three of you and if that means buying, carrying and maybe someday using a firearm then that's what I'm going to do."
"Well, I certainly don't have any problem with it especially considering I've heard more than one cop over the years say that when it comes to marksmanship you could outshoot them with your eyes closed but, before I agree to it, I do want an assurance from you."
"Ben will never even know I've got it." Confident that he knew where she was headed, Grissom rushed to reassure her. "I've researched it online and if I get one of those holsters that sit on the inside of my waistband, it'll never be on show and, just as you do with yours, the minute I get home, it'll be locked away in the gun safe; he'll never come in contact with it."
"Good to know but that's not actually what I meant; I just want you to promise that you won't only be carrying this weapon for our protection." Sara smiled. "There are times when you're working in the field that you're miles away from other people – from help – and, just as you worry about our safety, I worry about yours," reaching out she wove her fingers through his. "And not only because of recent events; a lot of people have spent time behind bars in Clark County because of you and, if one of them were to discover where you're working now and how easy it would be to get you alone…" Her voice trailed off as the imagined scenario played out in her mind. "I just… I just need to know that you'll be safe too, that's all, and that you'll protect yourself just as much as you plan to protect us."
"Nothing's going to happen to me." Tightening his hold on the fingers clasped around his own, Grissom grinned. "Trust me, honey; there is nothing in this world that's more important to me than our family's safety and by 'our family' I really do mean all four of us."
"Here we go, folks, I'm sorry for the wait." Expertly balancing a tray on one hand, their waitress used the other to slide a plate in front of each of them before stepping back with a beaming smile. "I hope you enjoy your meal."
"Thank you; I'm sure we will." Glancing down at the mixture of chargrilled chicken slices, salad vegetables and avocado on his plate, Grissom felt is stomach roil at the prospect of actually putting any of it in his mouth and he looked up at his wife instead, not at all surprised to find her already working on her second forkful of ravioli.
"You wouldn't happen to be hungry, would you?"
"I'm starving." Sara confirmed with a shameless grin as she made short work of skewering another piece of pasta with her fork. "And I can't wait to get my hands on that tiramisu." She rolled her eyes heavenward. "God, I have a horrible feeling that I'm going to be the size of a house before this kid is finished with me. You know…" Swallowing her latest mouthful, she took a quick sip of iced tea before dabbing her lips with her napkin. "Since you decided to come clean about buying a gun, I guess there's something I really ought to admit to you." Suddenly nervous, she cleared her throat. "It's probably nothing to worry about but I mentioned it to Helen and she convinced me that it's something that you really ought to know."
"Okay." Intrigued and a little worried about his wife's statement, Grissom sat up straighter in his seat. "Shoot."
"You're probably not going to like it," she warned.
"That's something we won't know until you tell me." He deliberately kept his tone light but Grissom couldn't ignore the sense of foreboding her words had produced.
"Alright." Sara allowed herself the time to take a deep, calming breath. "Something happened last Thursday when I was driving home after shift." Watching him closely, Sara saw her husband's eyes begin to darken as she continued her confession. "At least, I think it did."
A/N2: Thanks, as always, goes to SylvieT for the beta.