Buffy settles Joyce down on the sofa, tucking a blanket around her.

"There we go. All set." She hands her a glass of water and the first of a bunch of pills.

"Thank you Buffy," Joyce smiles up at her like she's the nurse making her rounds. "It's good to be back."

"So, what's the plan for the day?" Dawn snuggles in closer to her. "Horseback riding? Bungee jumping? Maybe we could find you a bull to wrestle."

"Yeah," Buffy smirks, rolling her eyes and re-fluffing the pillows behind Joyce, "cus all that yammering on Doctor Kriegel did about bed rest, that was just a suggestion."

She hands Joyce the remote to the TV.

"You've got soap operas to catch up on."

"Alright." Joyce smirks. "Bench mark bull wrestling for another day Dawn"

"Can I get you anything else? Tea or… water? Juice?"

"I'm all set, thank you honey." She relaxes into the pillows, smoothing Dawn's hair down and tucking it behind her ear. "What's your plan for the day? Are you seeing Riley?"

Buffy bites her lip.

I should. I know I need to get this out of the way but it all just…. hurts too much for words right now. And whatever he has to say is just going to make me feel... inadequate. It's not just the betrayal of it all. There's something wrong with me. Has to be. Happy people in happy normal relationships don't go out and nearly get themselves killed multiple times.

Last time he blamed me and I just know he's going to again and it hurts so much.

...I want to see Spike. She winces internally. Things with him seem to be falling into place far to quickly. Infuriatingly so. All of it just too laughably simple.

Think I should keep my distance. Just for a bit. It's all too intense.

"Actually I'm Magic Box bound. Gonna go get some training in. Stretch the old Slayer muscles." She coats her words with a false cheeriness she's far from feeling.

Joyce smiles, reading more than Buffy wants her to in her furrowed brow and sad eyes. But doesn't push it. Something is brewing between her and Riley, she can read it in the defensiveness of her daughters hunched shoulders and hollowed eyes.

For most other guys her daughter had brought home she'd happily try to talk her through the problem. But try as she might she can't bring herself to repair whatever damage has caused a rift between them. Something about Riley…

I'd be happy to see that back of that one….

"Alright sweetie. Don't train too hard."

"She alright do you think?" Xander mumbles to Anya, casting an eye to the training room door. "She's been in there all day."

"Mmhmm, she's certainly gung ho for it today." Anya finishes counting the cash from the register and slips the money into a bag, closing it into the safe by her feet. "Barely stopped to say hello this morning."

"Something's going on with her and Riley." Xander leans on the counter.

"You sure? Her mom's just got out of the hospital, and she's back at college this week. Maybe she's just got a lot on her mind."

"No, he was there at the hospital this morning. She was all… well vegence-y."

"Oh please."

"I'm serious-"

The bell above the door tinkles and they turn. Riley stamps down into the shop.

"She in there?"

"Yuh huh…" Xander eyes Riley cautiously, noting the glint of anger in his eyes. The clenched fist.

"You guys mind clearing out? I need a word with her."

Protests fill Xander's mouth.

If it was anyone but Buffy, no way I'd leave my friend alone with a big tough army guy like Riley looking the way he does now. Something really not right there...

Thumps and grunts echo from the training room out into the shop.

"Little after hours training, huh?" Anya grins with a furtive wink, oblivious to the obvious tension, and Xander has a sudden need to get her away from Riley.

Let Buffy handle this. At least I know she can take care of herself.

"Sure. Let's go, Anya." He reaches for her hand, lifting her coat off the back of the chair and making for the door, casting a last look back.

Spike lounges outside in the alleyway on a crate, the cigarette in his hand nearly burned down, listening to Buffy strike the punching bag over and over. He rubs the hole in his chest. It's sore even though it closed over hours ago. Little more than a bruise on the inside now, but the dent it's left in his chest hasn't reformed.

Just a bit longer... Just listen to her a bit longer then I'll go.

He watches Anya and Xander pass the mouth of the alley, hand in hand, and a moment later Riley's voice floats out of the open window above him.

Well. Can't leave just as the curtain's going up…

"We need to talk." He closes the door behind him, but Buffy doesn't break her stride on the punching bag.

"I don't want to talk to you."

"Too bad."

He stops the punch bag from swinging and Buffy rolls her eyes. "I'm serious Riley. Just get out, I don't want to even look at you right now."

"Whether you want to or not I'm here and we are going to have this talk."

"Right because it's all always on your terms isn't it? God forbid I ever get a say in any of this."

She turns away from him, starting to unravel the tapes around her palms and wrists.

"I just need you to hear me out!" He grabs her by the bicep and spins her to face him, looming over her. She blinks at the sudden force around her arm.

Jesus... if I wasn't the Slayer that would be fucking scary.

"Fine. Get your hand off of me." There's a brief moment where it doesn't feel like he will. Fingers digging just a little passed comfortable. But she doesn't flinch and he finally let's go, seeming to come to his senses a little.

He takes a breath and moves back away from her, nostrils flaring as he tries to shrug off the overwhelming aggression underneath him.

I'm not mad at her. I'm mad at this. All of this. It's not her fault.

"When all this started, it... it was just some stupid game," he starts and Buffy's throat clenches shut. It's one thing to half think what he was doing had been going on for a while. It's another thing entirely to have it confirmed from his own mouth. "I just... I wanted to even the score after you let Dracula bite you-"

"I did NOT let Dracula bite me!"

"I know-"

"NO! No obviously you don't! I got bit, and I got thralled, and yeah shit like that happens in the line of what is basically the least satisfying job in the world but I DID NOT LET IT HAPPEN!"

"Buffy-"

"You're insane! You're actually insane! If you got shot in the line of duty, I wouldn't go out and point a loaded gun to my head and pull the trigger to even the score!"

"I know that! On some level I know that-"

"On some level!?"

"Just LISTEN! I know you didn't mean to let it happen, but I was still thrown. Alright? I just... I just wanted to know how you felt. I just wanted to know why Dracula and Angel have so much power over you."

Buffy let's out a sour exasperated laugh.

"So much power over me... You so don't get it. I loved Angel. I fell in love, and it just happened to be probably the most doomed relationship in the history of ever. But Dracula thralled me against my will Riley. I didn't get a choice in that. I didn't walk into his arms and open a vein willingly. So whatever you think you've been doing, and for God knows how long, it's got nothing to do with what happened to me and you don't get to pretend it does! You made those choices all by yourself."

"Of course I know that. This isn't your fault it's mine."

"Except you don't really believe that do you?" Buffy tips her head back for a brief second to stop tears of anger. "If it really had nothing to do with me you wouldn't be throwing what I went through in my face."

"Buffy-"

"I can't. I really can't listen to this-"

"You need to!"

"FINE! Tell me all about your whores! Tell me what they gave you that you think is worth almost dying for."

"...They needed me."

Buffy blinks, momentarily taken back by his answer.

…Men like Riley, they look nice and safe but they can't take it. Sooner or later they'll twist it around on you. Act like you pushed them away just because you're strong enough not to need them…

She shakes her head, stunned by how perfectly Spike's words always seem to line up.

"They didn't need you. They needed your money."

"No on some level they needed me. It was my blood, my body." Memories of him writhing underneath his vampire leap into Buffy's mind and she pushes down the instinct to slap him hard. How dare you remind me of that... She's so furious she nearly misses the rest of his babbling.

"I get it.. what you went through now. When they bit me, it was beyond passion-"

"Stop! Just STOP! It wasn't passion for me, don't you understand that!? You consented to that, I DIDN'T, there wasn't any passion for me!"

How can he stand there and compare what he's been doing to what happened to me? If I was... if I was some other girl, and I was forced to do something I didn't want to, would he go out and do the exact same thing to someone else, then twist it round and say it was to even a score?

What kind of a monster thinks like that?

"Fine, Buffy. Maybe that's not how you felt when it happened to you, but for me... they... they made me feel like they had such hunger for me. Like they wanted me."

"And I don't?" Buffy swallows her tears, refusing to let them fall. "I don't make you feel like that?"

"I just wanted to feel wanted-"

"I DID want you! You don't get to stand there and tell me how I felt-"

"You keep me at a distance, you know you do, you didn't even call me when you're mom went into the hospital."

"So you did what you did to punish me!? For dealing with my mom's near fatal brain tumour the only way I could?"

"I just wanted you to let me in!"

"You're pathetic! You pretend to be strong and caring and independent but you can't bear the fact that I can take care of myself! I let you in, Riley. As much as I could. And I'm sorry that that's not enough for you. But I'm really done picking up after you every time your ego can't handle who I am."

"Is that really true? That you let me in as much as you could? The way you seem to let Spike in so easily?"

"What are you talking about?! Are you still bitter because he helped me when I got stabbed?"

"I found his shirt, Buffy. The one you kept?"

"What shirt?"

"Don't play dumb. Black shirt, hidden in your closet."

Oh for God's sake...

"He lent it to me! What I had on was blood soaked!"

"Sure. How convenient."

"It was far from convenient. I'm so sorry I couldn't schedule taking a stake to the gut for when you were there to charge in and rescue me."

"But you don't seem to mind letting the likes of him help you! Not just then, either! You told him about your mom before me! You say you want me, but I just don't feel it! I just don't!"

"Well, who's fault is that? I've given you everything I have Riley, my heart, body and soul, but I can't change who I am for you."

"And if you could?" He looks her square in the eyes. "If you could give this up, give all of it up, for me... would you?"

Buffy closes her eyes, exhausted. There it is. I knew this was coming.

"...That's what it's really about, isn't it? You can't handle the fact that I'm stronger than you."

He's silent for a long time. Buffy leans against the vault horse, drained. Her throat feels raw from the effort of not crying. From all the bitter angry words still charging through the air.

"I'm leaving Buffy." It's barely more than a whisper but the words drown out all her anger. "The military wants me back. It's deep undercover, no contact with civilians. Transport's leaving tonight."

She furrows her brow, trying to catch up to his words.

"When were you going to tell me about this?"

"...I'm telling you now. Unless you give me a reason to stay... I'm taking it."

"This really isn't the moment for an ultimatum."

"I'm not giving you-"

"Yes you are! Either I fall in line and get over everything you've done or you're gone!"

"That's not what I'm doing-"

"-What then, you're trying to get me to beg you to stay? After what you've put me through?"

"Why won't you!?" He shouts. "I'd beg you to stay Buffy! I would!"

"Do it then! Beg me Riley! Because so far, this whole conversation has been about blame. Buffy's too strong, Buffy's too distant, Buffy doesn't treat me like the vampire whore's downtown! Not once have you said you were sorry, not ONCE!"

He bites his cheek, anger flaring his nostrils, and Buffy steps back from him.

"That's what I thought. Have a safe flight." She turns away from him, refusing to watch as he grabs his coat. His stomping footsteps dwindle through the shop and the bell tinkles manically as he slams the door behind him.

A hard burning anger flares up inside her chest. She takes a few steadying breaths.

It's over. Over now. Hurt but... it's done. That was worse than I thought it would be.

She shivers, thinking of Dracula's thrall slipping into her head. The disturbing, insidious mind control. Feeling helpless, with no way out of it. How much effort it had taken to fight back from that.

Giles hadn't managed to.

Xander hadn't managed to. She catches herself before wishing it had been Riley thralled into eating bugs.

Fuck you Riley. Fuck you making me feel like that was my fault.

She starts winding her knuckles back up, wiping tears out of her eyes with the heel of her hand when the door clicks shut behind her. She sighs.

"Were you listening?" She turns, facing Spike who's leaning against the door to the alley.

"Couldn't really help catching that racket, pet."

"It's not polite to eavesdrop you know." She sniffs, wiping the last few tears off her cheeks.

He smiles. "Well I'm not particularly polite anyway."

"...You heard it all?"

Spike nods.

"He's a wanker. I did tell you."

She sighs, casting her glance down as he makes his way over to her.

"Don't you ever get tired of watching me be miserable?"

"I never get tired of watching you."

She feels his fingers at the curve of her back. He makes a sympathetic tutting sound with his tongue.

"Besides, you didn't seem so bad last night." He grins, fingers the strap of her top, pulling it closer to her shoulder, "pretty sure I got a smile by the end of it."

She finishes wrapping her knuckles, flexing her hands under the tapes before balling them to into fists. Spike raises an eyebrow.

"Squaring up for a fight, Slayer?"

"Not with you. I don't hurt things that can't fight back."

He moves in closer, and she lets him back her against the wall.

"I can hurt you if you want to be hurt. If you like it."

Buffy snorts, rolling her eyes.

"That's a really stupid loophole."

"Chip can't shut off pleasure. Half those vamps you saw were chipped luv."

"I told you I'm not like that."

She moves to the punching bag, starting it rocking with a few hard punches and backhands.

He follows her. Hands are on her hips from behind, moving up. His thumb grazes over the love-bite he left the night before.

"I can take your fists. Give it me good, Buffy. One good swing, why not?"

"I'm not a sadist."

"No, you like the pain too much. But you can't find anyone to hurt you the way you want it. Keep picking boys that hurt your heart instead."

She spins, shoves him hard, and he shoves her back. There's a sparkly little tingle from his chip. Little more than a twinge.

Didn't hurt her, no intent to either.

He throws a punch, knowing she'll block, and she does. He throws another, and she catches his wrist in both hands, spinning him round and pinning him up against the wall. He groans, and the vibrations seem to settle in her own throat. Pulling everything in tighter. One of his hands trails down her arm, up to the shoulder, pulling the strap down entirely.

His other arm snakes round her waist and he pulls her in hard, one leg pushing between both of hers, splitting hers open. He hooks his boot round the back of her ankle and topples her backwards, falling with her as she sprawls on the mats behind.

His lips lock round hers, soft at first before pushing wider. Deeper. Fingers in her hair, at the back of her neck pulling her in more, around her throat caressing the skin down to her shoulders. Slipping down more, cool hands on her stomach sweeping up. He unlatches the bra clasp at her back, pushing her up into him with his hand where the strap was.

She moans, hips raising to meet his, and he pulls out of their kiss.

"God Buffy... I've wanted you in my mouth all day." He shrugs out of his duster, before wrapping his arms back around her, setting his mouth at her neck, biting and clawing and kissing her.

Buffy whimpers, all the emotions of the last day melting into a soft and aching blur.

"...Missed you too." She whispers, almost hoping he doesn't hear. Her vulnerability is riding her hard and tears prickle her eyes.

His lips work their way up to her ear, tongue stroking the skin behind, inside. Teeth tugging the piercings in her ears.

"You missed me?" He whispers, his breath tickling her neck, hands roaming over her stomach, her waist. Lifting her top up over her breasts. He cups a breast, squeezing gently, working the nipple between his fingers. Pinching and rolling. "You really did?" He slips down her torso, holding her by the ribcage.

"Yes-" Buffy gasps as his head ducks and he takes the other breast deep into his mouth, working her nipple with the back of his tongue while his teeth scratch her. He sucks harder, a hand on her throat as she bucks against him, gripping him by the hair. Her legs close round him, crushing his torso between her thighs and he scores her sides with his fingernails.

He levers himself off her, pulling her legs up and pulling off her boots. He unzips her pants and pulls them down along with her panties, releasing her legs.

"Spike-"

"Open your legs for me."

Her breathing is frantic, passed panting, and as she moves her knees apart she feels like she's going to faint from the overwhelming heart rate that seems to be doubling. Tripling.

"Wider."

She moves her feet further apart, and he takes one of her hands in his, unwrapping the bandages, unlocking her fingers. He nuzzles his face into her palm, running his teeth over plump flesh underneath her thumb.

He lowers himself down between her legs, slipping her hand up into his hair, anchoring it there by her wrist. His teeth graze her scar and she screams, yanking his hair, thighs clamping hard against his shoulders.

"Spike- Oh my God-"

He works his tongue over the soft white flesh of the scar, making her scream and wiggle with every kiss, every lick before slipping further down.

Going to miss getting such a reaction when the scar stops being so sensitive. The way she moans... makes throwing all that blood away worth it... He runs the fingers of one hand over it, wiping away traces of his spit, painting the skin of her stomach with it, as he settles himself down further between her legs. He wraps his arms around her thigh, pulling her knees down towards the floor.

Buffy feels his breath on her inner thigh, kisses touching with soft barely there lips, over her mound, pushing her open even wider. She lets out a squeak when he catches her outer lips in his teeth, squeezes them, teasing her folds inside with the pressure, before setting the flat of his tongue against her opening and licking upwards. Slowly. Prying her open. Moving back down in soft strokes.

Her cheeks flush a deep red as she realises how wet she is, how much she's filling his mouth.

He moans, sending a volt of electricity up through her as he slips his tongue against her clit, pushing gently on it. Tasting her. Tasting microscopic traces of sweat and her scent. Blood pumping away underneath thinnest skin.

He rolls her nub with his tongue, swirls it as she screams, claws in his hair, thighs trembling.

"Spike... please... too much..."

He slips a hand between her legs, stroking the muscles of one thigh, before slipping two fingers inside her. Her throat feels like it's closed all together, mouth gasping, scrabbling for words as his fingers start to stroke her from the inside, curved slightly up, hitting her G spot like this isn't their first time together. Like he's known her for decades.

Her hips start to pump on their own, walls of her pussy squeezing down on his fingers as he catches her clit in between his teeth, gently biting. Sucking down-

She shrieks as she comes, nearly ripping the hair in her hands, head thumping against the mat as he releases her. Setting her legs either side of his as he unbuckles his belt.

She raises her hips, feels his cock butt against her before he pushes in slowly. Straight up all the way to the hilt of him. He groans, gripping her waist, lying down on top of her as he starts to grind against her.

He's moaning against the side of her neck with each thrust, growling every time her nails drag over his shoulder. His chest. Digging his fingers into her sides, nearly screaming when out of nowhere she clamps her hand over his mouth, suddenly rigid beneath him. Breath held in her throat.

"...BUFFY?" Xander's voice echos from the shop, the door closes behind him, setting the bell above it tinkling. Footsteps walking down the couple of steps towards the cash register.

Bollocks.

Buffy throws him off, yanking her top back into place and re-clasping her bra underneath it before grabbing the red leatherette pants that have been cast aside.

"Shit. Shit oh shit oh shit." She struggles into them, runs her fingers through her hair, heading barefoot to the doorway.