She woke without the restfulness her recent digs have provided as of late. It's not that she regrets telling Elliot about leaving. It's the resulting silence. He didn't follow her, didn't put up an argument with his usual gusto.
He simply said nothing.
But where her partner lacked words, her friend Kim was more than happy to share her thoughts.
"Hey Liv, you settling in?"
"Yeah, things are good," she answered. "I can see why your family enjoys it so much."
"Glad to hear it," Kim told her. "Hopefully, you're getting that breather you need."
"I am, I am," Olivia said. "Thanks again. I uh, I wanted to get your okay for another guest."
"Another guest?"
"Yeah, Elliot got here a few hours ago."
"Really?" She asked, snickering. "Is this blue eyed, muscular, sexy partner Elliot?"
"If you mean hard-headed, exhausting, often argumentative Elliot then yes."
"If he's so intolerable then why is he there?"
"He got suspended for a few days after my sudden, unexpected exodus and I felt guilty," she explained. "I figured he could use some R&R too."
"Bow- chika-wow-wow."
"What are you, in high school?" Olivia asked with a grin.
"I've seen pictures," Kim began. "Are you telling me you're not the least bit attracted to that man?"
"I'm not talking to you about this," she said. "Besides, he'll probably be gone by tomorrow."
"What? Why?"
"I decided to leave SVU," Benson confessed. "He hasn't said a word to me, and I halfway expect him to be pissed off and out of here by morning."
"Maybe he'll surprise you," said her friend.
Olivia heard her God-niece Imani in the background calling for her mom.
"Sounds like you're being beckoned."
"I am, talk to you later Liv and if you're partner is still there in the morning eliminate the word 'complicated' from your vocabulary," she suggested. "That didn't turn out so well last time."
Needless to say, she didn't sleep that well after talking to Kim. Because if Elliot has left without so much as a goodbye, he'll probably avoid her like the plague until she returns long enough to clean out her desk. And if he's still there, what will his response be?
She has a 50/50 chance of seeing only one car left in the driveway.
With the absence of rain pattering against the windows, Olivia gets up to check on her impending day. When she opens the curtains, cloudless blue skies and the warmth of a bright orange glow welcomes her. She's relieved at the change.
Sticking to her morning routine, Olivia pulls her hair up into a ponytail, dons a long tank and some yoga pants before grabbing her sneakers, cell and ear buds. The kitchen has French doors leading to the beach so her plan is to make coffee and toast before her walk.
The pleasant aroma of the Dominican dark roast she discovered at a small market wafts up her nose the moment she exits her bedroom.
Elliot hasn't left.
Olivia slows her confident stride upon seeing him.
He's shoeless in her borrowed kitchen with a ridiculously worn, black Aerosmith t-shirt and khaki shorts. Having heard her approaching, he stands from his stool at the breakfast bar and pours her a cup.
"Good morning," he says, sliding the mug across the counter to her.
"Morning," she responds, taking a sip before pulling out some bread and dropping it into the toaster. "Did you find everything you needed?"
"Yeah," he answers, returning to his stool. "Been up since 5am, got a run in, did some pushups and crunches. Can't say I slept all that great though."
"Why not?"
Elliot eyes her incredulously.
"I know," she sighs. "Dumb question. I didn't sleep too well either."
"Well…at least you kept your promise," he begins. "Told me to my face."
And despite laying out incredibly valid reasons for leaving, she feels like absolute shit for doing so.
"I'm sorry about how sudden all of this seems."
"Not for leaving me though," he surmises.
Olivia takes a deep breath and shakes her head in disbelief.
"I'm not leaving you," she contends. "I'm not…I'm not Kathy, Elliot," she continues as the toast pops up. "We're not getting a divorce. I'm just getting out of a unit that's slowly killing me and I don't appreciate you trying to make me feel guilty for it."
She decides to skip breakfast and is moving towards the door to make a hasty exit when he stops her, reaching for her elbow before releasing her.
"You were surprised I was still here this morning, weren't you?"
"I wouldn't have blamed you if you weren't," she says, facing him.
"I thought about it," Elliot admits. "For once, I wanted to be the one doing the leaving."
"I'm not—
"I know, I know," he interrupts. "You're not leaving me."
"Then what is it?"
"I've just had to adjust to a lot of changes lately," he explains. "You've been a constant in my life despite my tendency to be a selfish asshole," he adds, resulting in her smile as he takes a step closer. "And well…that sort of makes you irreplaceable."
The butterflies officially morph into small hummingbirds once he pulls her against him for a hug.
"I'm gonna miss you, Liv," he says, tightening the embrace. "So damn much."
"I'm gonna miss you too."
Olivia turns her face towards his neck, inhaling the combined scents of fabric softener and after shave that are uniquely him, surprised to find she doesn't want to let go. She feels the physical awareness of Elliot and it creates a warmth deep within her belly.
It's something she's tamped down over the years, for more reasons than she cares to count. To her he was always out of reach, always belonged to someone else. But things are changing between them…again.
This time, permanently.
Their embrace is lasting longer than all those previous. As he glides a warm palm over her lower back, she suspects he feels it too. A new intimacy. Something different than what their friendship has provided.
Slowly he pulls away, eying her lips before catching himself. The desire she sees, it confirms her suspicions. So, the question becomes, what will they do about it?
"I'll uh, let you go on your walk," Elliot tells her, taking a step back. "I'm gonna head into town and do some exploring, maybe get some things for the grill…some acceptable beer."
He gets the smile and eye roll he was expecting.
"You weren't a beer snob when you were drinking it last night."
The mirth leaves from his eyes and she knows before he says it why that is.
"I lost my partner last night," he says. "If there was any jail hooch in the house after I finished off the Bud, I would've drank that too."
There's anger in the depths of his blues, it's what he's comfortable showing. It's easier than feeling the pain of what he's losing. But Olivia sees through to the sadness beneath.
"I'll be done in a couple of hours," she begins, worrying her lower lip as she grabs a banana in lieu of the toast. "If you wanna talk some more we can," she adds. "But I'd rather you return to the city now if we're just gonna spend the next three days fighting or tiptoeing around each other."
Elliot unclenches his fists, only just realizing he had tightened them in the first place. His shoulders relax and he takes a deep breath.
"I'll see you when you get back."
She nods once before closing the door behind herself.
Usually, her morning walks bring her peace. The five minutes it takes her to get to the beach is what she gives herself before forcing heavy thoughts from her head.
It's not working today.
"What the fuck was on my mind in inviting him here?" She thinks. "I came to get some perspective and figure out what I'm gonna do with the rest of my life."
The longer Elliot weighs on her thoughts, the faster her pace.
"No way in hell he's gonna let me have a moment's peace about leaving."
"Fuck!" Screams a stranger.
Olivia somehow failed to notice breaking into a run and even more so, the other person running in the opposite direction before they collided.
They both hit the sand. Hard.
"Shit!"
He gets to his feet first, bending over and reaching out a hand to help her up.
"I'm sorry," he offers in a slight accent, pulling her to stand. "Guess I was in my own world."
"No, no," she protests. "It was my fault. I apologize."
After brushing the sand off her run tank and compression leggings, Olivia finally focuses on his face.
Approximately 6'3" he towers over her 5'8" frame. His eyes are a rare gray, hair curly and matches the salt and pepper of his trimmed beard. The man's white t-shirt is sweat soaked to his deeply tanned skin and a chiseled chest that proudly displays a Guam FIFA logo. With the way his thighs and hamstrings are sculpted, Olivia has no doubt he's a former player.
"Sebastian Mariano," he says, holding out his hand.
"Olivia," she offers, purposely excluding her last name.
His handshake is friendly, not gripping as are some men's.
"No last name huh?" Sabastian asks, smiling. "Is that like Cher or Madonna?"
"No," she answers, releasing his hold. "I'm just…cautious with people I don't know."
"But not because you're on the run from the law," he jests. "Accused of some insidious crime and hiding in this quiet little city?"
She gives him the smile he's so obviously trying for.
"Nothing that exciting," she tells him. "Just a little R&R."
"Well, I don't know what your idea of R&R is but there's a carnival along Shore Road tonight benefiting a local domestic violence shelter," Sebastian informs her. "If you're into high calorie foods, overpriced rigged games and people watching, maybe I'll see you there?"
Olivia can't help but laugh.
"Maybe you will," she answers backing away. "Enjoy the rest of your run."
"You too Olivia."
She smiles in turning to continue her pace, happy to have literally run into the tall, dark and handsome Sebastian. He seems just the distraction she needed to calm her mind and focus on her workout.
As she pumps her legs, her heartbeat increases, and she can hear the pulse of it in her ears. It's the good burn she was looking for when she left the house. And a clear mind to try and decipher her next move.
Two hours and a few miles later, a sweaty, flushed and fatigued Olivia walks through a back-patio door, ditches her running shoes and beelines for her bedroom. She takes her time under the spray, letting the pulsating shower head beat over her strained muscles.
After being cleaned and blow dried, she dons a long, high-waisted, sleeveless white sundress that gorgeously contrasts her sun-kissed skin. It flows when she walks, and it remains one of her favorites due in part, to the pockets.
But away from a world where pant suits, blazers and functional boots are as much necessity as requirement, Olivia loves the dress simply for how feminine it makes her feel. She doesn't even bother with shoes.
It's why he never hears her coming.
And because he has the music up just loud enough not to hear footsteps even if she was wearing a pair of strappy sandals.
His back is to her and he's dancing to "Good Life" by One Republic. She's never seen him dance before. And the way he's moving his hips as he moves isn't horrible. It's just not…anything resembling what she's filed away under 'partner shit'.
Elliot doesn't notice her as he walks out to the patio and adds more to the modest grill. It's not until he returns that he stops abruptly at her presence.
"Liv I…didn't know you were back."
"I can see that," she says, covering her mouth with her hand, trying to hide her grin. "Don't stop on my account."
"Only if you plan on joining me."
Olivia smirks but remains.
"Didn't think so," he says. "All these years and I've still never seen your moves."
"And you never will," she asserts, grinning as she joins him in the kitchen. "What's for lunch?" She asks, popping a cherry tomato into her mouth.
"Some chicken kabobs, asparagus and cubed herb potatoes," he answers.
"Sounds delicious," she tells him. "Anything I can do to help?" Olivia asks once they're sharing the space in the kitchen again.
For the first time since she found him dancing, Elliot fully pays attention to his partner. He eyes her painted toenails, whatever skin of her legs that the dress isn't covering, her bare arms and the way her hair cascades over her shoulders.
She hopes her skin isn't flushing at the unexpected attention.
"El?"
"Huh?"
Olivia bites her lower lip to hide her grin.
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Oh," he says, coming back to himself. "No, I got it," he adds. "You can relax in one of those patio chairs and I'll let you know when everything is done."
"You sure?" She asks. "I'm no chef but I know how to dice vegetables."
"Positive," Elliot assures her. "Go grab some sunblock and a hat," he suggests. "Maybe a book to read. Things'll be done soon."
"Who are you and what have you done with my partner?"
He gives her another once over, not bothering to hide his perusal.
"I could ask you the same."
Olivia shakes her head and runs a hand through her tresses.
"It's just a dress El."
"It's more than that," he contends, standing closer. "Your eyes are brighter Liv, your skin is glowing, and it looks like a literal weight's been lifted," he adds. "You haven't looked so light so…damn happy in years."
"I'm just…rested is all," Olivia offers. "A few good night's sleep, some sun and you'll look the same."
"I don't think I'd look as good in that dress though," he surprises her with.
"I don't know," she smirks. "You do have nice legs," she adds. "But you're gonna have to wax in order to pull it off."
"But the hair," Elliot rasps, sliding both hands through her locs as he closes the distance between them, forgetting what his next words are.
When did he get so bold?
The pull is there. Always has been.
When did her hands make it to his waist?
They hold one another's eyes. His breath is on her lips.
What's that smell?
"I think the food's burning."
"Huh?"
"El, the food."
"Shit!"
Olivia laughs, shakes her head and scrubs a hand over her face as she turns to go upstairs. He was going to kiss her.
How does she feel about that?
Was she going to kiss him back?
What would've happened after?
"Not a good time to be changing the dynamics of your partnership," she says to herself.
"He's not gonna be your partner anymore," her mind supplies.
She opens a closet and grabs a big floppy hat to shelter her face from the sun.
"You have to decide what you're gonna do with the rest of your life," she thinks. "Now is not the time for…whatever is happening between you and Elliot."
Olivia grabs the sunblock from the dresser then pulls the book she's been reading from her nightstand, a James Patterson thriller.
"There has never been a good time and there never will be," she says to herself. "It's Elliot."
When she gets back downstairs wearing her hat and sunglasses, he's turning the kabobs on the grill.
"Well don't you look like a lady of leisure," he comments as she joins him on the patio.
"That Hawaiian shirt you changed into doesn't exactly scream work my friend," she jabs, reclining on a patio chair. "Did you find anything interesting on your morning venture?"
"Typical tourist town stuff," he responds. "Bait and tackle shops, souvenir spots, farmer's markets, ice cream parlors, convenience stores and equipment rentals," he adds. "A few seafood and Italian restaurants that look promising."
"You get me any rum raisin?" She asks, lowering her sunglasses.
He looks over his shoulder at her with a smirk.
"Maybe."
"Course you did," she says, smiling and starting to rub on sunblock.
"I also saw flyers for a carnival tonight," he informs her. "Looks fun. You wanna go?"
"You asking me out Stabler?"
Elliot laughs, shaking his head as he rotates the positioning of the potatoes and asparagus on the grill.
"Nothing is ever easy with you."
She smirks but ignores the dig.
"Speaking of not being easy, can you help me out here?"
He turns to find her struggling to cover her upper back in the lotion.
"Sure," he says, flipping the kabobs over once more.
Olivia moves to make room for him on the chair, handing him the bottle as he sits. Immediately he squeezes some lotion into the palm of his hand but hesitates before touching her.
"Everything okay?"
"Uh, yeah, yeah," he answers. "Just not exactly normal for us."
"You don't have to if you don't —"
"— I got it."
Without any more hesitation, he begins massaging the Coppertone into her skin. His touch, though unfamiliar, feels surprisingly good.
He's touched her before through perp and vic scenarios, undercover ops where they've played significant others and even hugged and held each other a time or two. All allowed during work hours or when something emotionally jarring has occurred. A birth. A death. Nearly losing one another on the job.
This is nothing like that.
It's been a while since she's dated anyone. Parts of her awaken beneath his fingers. The way Elliot's rubbing her shoulders and back is intimate, bordering on sensual. Olivia puts her head down encouraging him. He doesn't disappoint moving a hand up and down her nape, turning the mere application of lotion into a massage as he manipulates the muscles of her upper back.
"God," she moans.
"Good?"
"Yeah," she rasps. Realizing how she sounds she clears her throat and follows up with, "yes, thank you."
He drops his hands from her body, handing the bottle back to her.
"Anytime," Elliot tells her as she faces him.
He's so close Olivia inhales the breath he exhales.
"So, will you go with me tonight?" He asks.
"Yes," she nearly whispers.
It's her eying his lips this time.
"I should…get the food," he says, rising from the lounge chair.
"Right. The food."
She wants to kick herself for how breathy she must've sounded moments ago, how…thirsty. But if Olivia wants to survive the next day or two with their friendship intact, she's going to have to do a hell of a better job hiding it. And so is her soon-to-be former partner.
Then again, what's one more change?