hii so it's an update. i wrote a one shot with sort of an alternative end for them. what if they didn't meet so soon after the first night? what if it was five years later they give into this gravitational pull towards each other?

the one shot is called "celestial bodies" and it's in the work "simple words" which is a collection of hansy one shots! you can give a go if you want to!!

The room is in a state of disarray as Harry apparates hastily, haphazardly. The first thing he notices is the broken vase on their bedroom floor, it's marble white pieces scattered dangerously as he takes a step. He almost trips and falls on before Pansy swoops her wand and retracts it back to its shape. Harry looks at her in disbelief as she feels her heart rate pick up again to see him. Snow, their proud-looking ragamuffin who is currently standing at a safe distance from the disheveled Pansy, meows affectionately at him.

"Hey," he says, eyeing them both.

Snow meows in return.

He narrows his eyes at her and Pansy knows how this looks. Just what she should have thought of avoiding. Still, her stubborn head takes a step back, and she pushes her hair from her face with her still shaky hands. Harry is at her side by now, sitting on the edge of the bed, and his hand skims over her shoulder tentatively before he cups her cheeks.

"Are you alright?"

She most certainly is not. She clutches her belly and offers a question of her own.

"What are you doing here?"

"You called me." But she hardly hears it. His hands move by now, all business-like as he searches for some sign of her lie. Pansy takes a small breath and lets him. Ever since he's finished his training she has seen this part again and again and has ravished in it. The soft care he used to have for people he loved has evolved into meticulous protectiveness. It hadn't helped his traumatized state of mind to know every single way how some people can hurt other people. So he worries more and more every time something inconspicuous occurs. She instantly feels guilty even though she hasn't asked for this to happen. When he finishes looking over and finds nothing, he asks her again what was wrong.

Nothing. Why is he here instead of at work?

"You paged me."

She most certainly did not. She wasn't in any sort of danger and she certainly wouldn't have been so careless except…

Oh, god.

Except she was.

Pansy scoffs involuntarily, palming her face. She wants to slap herself, wants to laugh, wants desperately for her hands to stop shaking so she can make up some stupid, unassuming lie, something to ease the concern in his eyes, something to -

"Pans?"

"I think I'm pregnant."

There, the elephant's out. For all her sneaky demeanor, she can't lie when he's looking at her like that. Full of ridiculous concern and soft love.

His hand drops to her stomach as well, and she screws her eyes shut. "I - I'm not sure. But I can't do the fucking charm to be sure. My hands can't stop shaking."

She hears him take a shaky breath, just like her own. Oh, Merlin. It's just as bad as she's feared.

"I didn't want to call you but it's your stupid paging charm. I was thinking about you and I don't know - did it detect danger? I wasn't in danger… it's just stress."

"Uh-huh."

She opens her eyes, unsure. Harry stares at her stomach as if it's something of an eighth wonder. With a stone in her heart, she watches him swallow nervously. But then he looks up and his eyes are nothing if not reassuring.

"Should I try?" he asks softly. "To be sure?"

She purses her lips. Yes, is the right answer. She still doesn't think she's stable enough to do the charm. The fractic nausea she felt when she did the mental math in her workplace still rings like distant buzz. But if he does the charm and she is indeed pregnant then, well, she hasn't yet thought about what they might do. Hasn't yet thought how to gracefully deal with the situation when and if he shows hesitance. She wouldn't even have enough time to cry to calm herself.

"Pansy?"

"Yeah. Why not?"

A thousand reasons why not. But he kisses her head and mutters that it's alright. And for a fraction of a second she's able to breathe.

His wand is already in his hand. His hands are not shaking.

She feels a titular warmth creep over her neck, her shoulders and her entire body as he sets his brows in concentration. He waves his wand over her stomach and she can't help the elusive image of a child suddenly forming in her mind. Jet black hair, chubby cheeks and a button nose. And his eyes. Eyes like a forest set on fire. Eyes she can look at forever. She swallows a dry breath and looks down.

It takes only a moment for the white mist to form. She holds her breath in wait for it to change its color. A moment passes, then two. Harry slots their hands and gives her a squeeze.

A whole minute passes. The mist hangs white and inconspicuous. Pansy wouldn't admit that the breath that leaves her mouth is only partly relieved.

"What?" Harry asks as she turns to him. "Wasn't it supposed to change colors?"

"It would've if I were pregnant."

His mouth falls. He eyes the mist again. "Oh."

She chuckles dryly. "False alarm. Probably just stress."

"Apparently."

She stares at their entwined hands. Speaking with her newly rejuvenated voice, she hears herself splutter, "I was talking to Peony when I suddenly realized that I was late. And - Merlin, I just felt my heart drop. I apparated immediately and -"

"Why did your heart drop?"

The question is sudden and the edge in his voice makes her look up. Inches apart from hers, his eyes are wide and open. Pansy blinks.

"What?"

He shrugs, although his posture doesn't make this any easier. "Why were you so anxious?"

"I - um, you know." She huffs. "A baby, Harry."

"I know. Our baby."

"Can you imagine us raising a child? What if we're terrible at it?"

"Well," he hesitates, almost seeming at the verge of not saying anything. But then - "I'm good with Teddy.Youare great with him.So maybe, perhaps."

Pansy feels her heart drop. Of course he was good with his godson, and there were moments when she saw them together - discussing Quidditch or pumpkin pie - it filled her chest with some terrifying longing. But she'd never admitted it. Never let herself daydream so haphazardly. There is no baby, but suddenly she feels as if they're having the conversation anyway; a conversation she wasn't remotely prepared for.

"Harry… what are you saying?"

But he's unprepared as well. And even though he stares at her earnestly, his cheeks go red. He opens his mouth, then closes it, just as unsure as she.

"I suppose, well, I don't know. I love you and if - well, if it had happened then - then I -" He screws his eyes shut. "It's not coming out right."

It isn't. And Pansy can't help either.

"I love you," she says, and even though this sounds juvenile, this is the only true thing she can say without giving into the whirlwind in her mind. As if on cue, Snow meows as well, now finally feeling secure enough to creep at her feet.

Harry closes his eyes in answer and lets the awkward silence seep in her bones. She tries to think of something else - anything else to say but the only thing she can hear is the muted disappointment in his voice, the blunt edge of her own. The tremor of her heart and how the relief she felt only minutes ago feels more and more like a ruse.

It's Harry who speaks after forever. "It's alright." He squeezes her hand and she turns to him. Soft green eyes trying so hard to mask the hopelessness. "I've got to go now. Ron's covering for me - but they'll notice soon enough that I'm not there." He leans in to kiss her on the mouth. "We'll talk later."

She nods.

"I love you." She can remember the very first time he had said this string of words. Her kitchen, at night. Lovely, soft words that hum in her mind like the end note of a melodious song. He'd said that she was the best thing in his life.

He was the best thing in hers.

"I love you," she mutters before kissing him back, just as softly.

She has the rest of the day to worry about what happened. And what will happen. The drop in his voice, the goddamn tremor of her heart.

Our baby.

So maybe he hoped she was pregnant. That thought alone is a special nightmare. Half trepidation, half exasperation. She can't help the shiver of excitement, the unlived life, the glimpse of it as blurry as a misty morning. A baby, their baby.

She wonders if she'll prefer a boy or a girl. A boy with her knack for healing, a girl with his morale. They could be decent parents, they are certainly old enough to not seem too fast. They've been together for four years now. It's a long enough time to know she's never been happier, it's a long enough time to know that he means it when he says he can see the rest of their life together. Even if they split and crack as her life has a way of meddling in her happiness, as life often does - she knows he means it. So it's not being impatient, or too eager.

She tells herself she could teach her daughter how to play chess. She would not hit her son if he ever lied to her about his grades. She could make him understand what's right and wrong without cruelty. She could be a lovely mother. She could take counsel from Mrs. Weasley.

And Harry could be a lovely father. She knows his capacity to care and his careless way of loving. All in, always. He would want their kids to love Quidditch, and even though she still doesn't understand the appeal of the game, she feels a private warmth spread over her heart as she imagines watching them flying for the golden snitch.

But the opalescent daydream shatters after she accidentally breaks a vial. A girl with her temper, a boy with his foolhardiness. She doesn't know a thing about being a mother except that one should not ruin their child. And she knows how love can ruin people sometimes. Harry would want his children to have everything he never had. He could be overindulgent. He could make them obstinate, stubborn. Then he could resent them for it. She would want to protect them from any and all evil of the world, something her parents' never did. She wouldn't let them believe in anything that compromised their state of mind. She could shield them, she would tell herself this is love. But her children would believe her to be suffocating. Overprotective. She could -

For fuck's sake, the voice in her head snaps her from her thoughts. You're not even pregnant.

She's not. Maybe it's for the best.

But she's always been an overthinker. And she never learnt how to take it easy. Pansy plays in her head a hundred versions of the conversation she'll have with Harry. All of them come out wrong. They're going to sleep with the distaste of their argument. They are waking up on the wrong side of the bed. There is no bed.

So when she finally comes home - number thirteen Grimmauld place, even after so many options they chose this - and finds him in the living room watching television with the sleeping cat at his feet, she feels restless. He looks up at the sound of her apparition and smiles.

"Hey." As if nothing's happened, as if he didn't open her mind to an entire impossible future.

Her voice shakes as she replies, "Hey."

"You're late."

Pansy rests her bag on the table, pulls out the band from her hair and huffs out an impatient breath. Still something is stuck in her throat. "Yeah it was - a busy day."

"Are you OK?"

"Yeah. I just have to shower."

Or cast a blasting charm at something solid. Either of these two.

She takes a shower, half dreads Harry would give in to their habit and join her - embarrassingly disappointed when he doesn't.

He's still watching TV when she returns, the muggle habit she has found a fondness for as well. She stands at the door, counting from one to ten before getting on the couch. He scoots a little and she settles in her spot, resting her head on his shoulder. It's almost normal, almost like every other night, but her heart beats like a restless bird, and he notices it without fail.

"You're still thinking about it."

She settles in further, takes a breath and smells the familiar mint. "Aren't you?"

He shrugs. "Yes."

"Are you disappointed?"

"I… dunno. I shouldn't be. I knew you were using the contraceptive charm." He sighs. "But once I thought about it - well, it's hard to unthink it."

She knows. The blurry image of a boy just like him laughing and riding on a broomstick is imprinted in her mind. It's a sticky sweet thought until she remembers what her mother told her when Pansy finally told her about moving in with Harry.

You can play house with this man all you like, but there will be no gravity in any home you build with him.

"I always wanted a family of my own."

"I know." She feels him kiss the side of her head. She can't bear to look at his face. She knows. Harry covets family like a man covets a buried treasure. X marked spot, one hidden chest containing everything he will ever need. As if having a kid of his own would make up for the fact that he never had a parent. As if loving his child would make up for everything else. He is such an optimist at heart, he believes one right deed can make up for a hundred wrong ones.

But this fuels Pansy's panic. What if the thing he searches for is a smokescreen, and as soon as he gets it the ruse will break? Pansy thinks of her mother who only wanted to fix up her life, and ruined Pansy in the process. Filled her with self doubt and a lifelong guilt she carries because she tried to play the role she thought Cynthia wanted her to play?

"I don't think I can be a good mother," she barely whispers. "I don't think I have it in me."

She feels him stiffen. Feels the arm around her coil tighter. "Hey. Look at me."

She does. His face is filled with warm disbelief. He smiles at her. "You would be a great mother. The way you care for people -"

She scoffs. "I don't care for people the way you -"

"People you love. You're a bit selective on that choice but once you make it, Pansy, you are soft and relentless and so goddamn stubborn in taking care of them. Look at Malfoy, Blaise… look at me. You're always there for the people you take care of. That's what makes you a great healer. That's one of the things I love about you."

There are no words in the universe to describe how grateful she feels. She reaches up to fix his tilted specs and prays he knows. But - "What if I become like my mom?"

"At least you know what not to do, right?"

She chuckles. "That's little help."

"That's something . The only thing I know is I would love them. I - It's the only truth I'm standing on. I don't even know if I can love them well, or if I'll just be one of those parents who'll agree to anything their kids say. But still."

"Harry, I know how much you want a family, but -"

"I don't just want a family, Pans. I want it with you."

Pansy always felt the world was shrinking on itself when he talked like this, but today it was coiling on her with a vengeance. Harry Potter had no right to make her feel this way, but somehow he always did. "Harry. Harry, you're a great guy. You're my favorite person… but you have to know how terrified I am - of everything. Having children -"

"You're planning on multiples, then?" His lips lift in the goddamn smirk.

"I'm not planning on anything, Potter." She considers it. "Not for the moment, at least. But if I did… it would be with you, I want you to know that."

"I know."

There are still gossip columns writing about how much of an outlandish pair they are. And she has colleagues who scoff every time Harry is at her workplace to pick her up, even after her assistance in the groundbreaking discovery in Greece, people are suspicious of her. Morons , is Harry's one word verdict every time something like this comes up. She has been maintaining a relationship with people at the Burrow, the most important people in his life since only a year, but it's mostly due to the kind-hearted nature of Mrs. Weasley. Her mother still doesn't acknowledge them and though she has said she doesn't care, Harry remembers to send a Christmas invitation every year to Cynthia Parkinson. She has yet to accept one.

But they have a cat named Snow, currently snoring in content. He knows every one of her worst fears. He believes in the best of her. And the day he finished his Auror training, when she went to meet him at the station, she kissed him unabashedly in front of the entire world and felt the terrible hesitation melt a little. It's been chafing off, little by little. They are trying so hard to get used to the idea of forever, however impossible it seemed at first.

So of course it's him that she choses. Of course it's her that he settles on. It'll always be them. Her mother was wrong. There is gravity in Pansy's home. It's the force that calms her when she goes through the lowest of her lows. It's the love that brings him back to reality after a nightmare.

"Hey, Pans?" he says after a moment. Hesitantly. His fingers tap on her arm. "I don't want to shock you, but I feel it needs saying. You should know that I am planning on marrying you someday… with your permission, of course."

She snorts. "That's very considerate of you."

He chuckles. "Just giving my girl a heads-up. She has a habit of being daft about absolutely obvious facts."

"Obvious to you is too good to be true for her."

He rolls his eyes. "You are simultaneously the most brilliant and idiotic person ever. I love you."

"I love you."

She falls on the familiar gravity, and the arms that catch her are warm and lovely. And against all the odds, all is well.

so... there is that. i hope the ending did justice to both of these very young, very traumatized character. and i hope you, as a reader, liked it!

writing is something i've recently picked up again after a long hiatus, and honestly never believed i would write another story let alone finish it. if you've read this far, just know that i appreciate you giving your time.

i'd really like to know what you've thought about this story as a whole and if there were any certain parts that resonated with you or if you have any questions about this story or my thoughts on the characters or me, do let me know. i spend so much of my time thinking about these characters in my head that i genuinely love reading anyone else's insights!

have a happy day :))