[Content warning: anxiety, spiraling, and gender dysphoria]
Trying to keep a secret from Edelgard was, in Byleth's opinion, more trouble than it was worth.
Though frequently busy, especially during work hours, Edelgard took whatever free time she could to chat with her long-distance girlfriend. She was pleased to hear about Byleth's day, digging deeply into specific details. Which was something Byleth usually liked. But when trying to hide a trip to see her, making up fake details for a fake day would be too difficult to manage.
So instead, she just sent her a message in the morning letting her know she'd woken up feeling ill and would be offline most of the day, then set her status to Invisible.
Which left Byleth in the position where not only could she not message one of her girlfriends, she also couldn't message any of her friends on the server or post there, because she was supposed to be resting all day.
Having already taken her taxi ride to the airport and checking in her luggage, Byleth was waiting at her gate a full two hours before boarding, reading messages on the server and wishing she could interact.
#player-planning-byleth-game
Grunthar the Hotheaded (Caspar, he/they): OKAY! SO!
We've got looooooooooooooooot
Elmira Felethrian [Ferdinand, he/him]: Caspar, it's barely eight in the morning.
Can you please tone down the enthusiasm?
For my sake?
Grunthar the Hotheaded (Caspar, he/they): Sure thing babe!
Okay, so, like I was starting to say
Loot!
The magic items are whatevrr, but who cares
We've got platinum for days
We should go shopping before next session
Threen (Petra, she/her): May I be having a question?
Grunthar the Hotheaded (Caspar, he/they): Not sure why you're asking if you can ask something but sure
Threen (Petra, she/her): Could funds be spent for Lapis to be having a Cloak of Displacement?
Lapis (Bernadetta, she/they): i don't really need that
it wouldn't change much
someone else should use it
Threen (Petra, she/her): Little rabbit, are you scoffing at the idea I was having?
Lapis (Bernadetta, she/they): n-no
um
i guess
it would be nice to get hit less often
Grunthar the Hotheaded (Caspar, he/they): That would work so well!
You'd be a lot better at sniping baddies if they can't down you in the first round!
Elmira Felethrian [Ferdinand, he/him]: Yes, and that would free up Threen to provide their clerical abilities to someone other than yourself
Grunthar the Hotheaded (Caspar, he/they): Babe you're not even playing in this game!
Don't be an asshole!
It's server rule #4
Replying to Threen (Petra, she/her): Little rabbit, are you scoffing at the idea I was having?
Mary Hantrover (Dorothea, she/her): Oh my~
As a moderator, I feel I should reign in such flagrant flirting
But it's so rare to hear something like that from Petra, I have to let it slide
Princess Serena (Edelgard, she/they): It is queit cute
But the insinution is a little crude
Threen (Petra, she/her): I am not understanding your comments?
This is simply a name I frequently am using to refer to Bernadetta
It fits her nature
Though I am supposing that it parallels our private interests to an extent
Lapis (Bernadetta, she/they): /
petra pleeeaaasssseeee stop
As fun as the antics going on were, reading through them made Byleth sad.
She wanted to jump in, tease Bernadetta, give her thoughts on what her players should do with the money.
The look on Edie's face better be worth all this, she grumbled, before wincing in pain. She was sitting in a chair that appeared to have some padding, but after half an hour sitting in it, it was clear the unyielding material was clearly more sturdy than it was comfortable. Considering her options, Byleth sighed and stood up.
It would look silly, but who cared? She was at an airport an hour outside her home, she wasn't going to run into anyone. And if she did, it wouldn't matter. She was too sore and grumpy to care.
Which was why Byleth went through with her idea of heading further away from the gate, sitting on the floor with her back to the wall, her legs underneath her, and doing her best to make sure her skirt was covering everything properly.
She was wearing a casual outfit for the trip, just a dark blue skirt with a black zip up hoodie. Sadly, the aura of protection the concealing sweatshirt gave her didn't stop her dysphoria, especially as she felt the soda she'd chugged earlier wanting to escape. Byleth had looked already: the airport was lacking in single stall restrooms in the area near her gate, which left her with just the public men's and women's restrooms to choose from.
Of course, her girlfriends would tell her to just go into the women's room and do her business. After all, she was a girl.
That was easier said than done, in Byleth's opinion. Even having shaved this morning, she still felt her foundation didn't cover her beard shadow, and every look in a mirror told her clearly, 'You'll be clocked in ten seconds and asked to leave'.
Combined with the general volume and occupancy of the area, Byleth radiated anxiety in a way that might be deadly to those standing too close to her. This was a horrible idea. Edie's going to pretend she's happy to see me, but she'll hate her plans getting interrupted.
Byleth's thoughts started to spiral. It's not going to work. Sure, we get along online, but that doesn't mean anything. Two days in, they're going to be eagerly waiting for me to leave so they can break up with me over text.
Tears started to bead up in her eyes, but with a scowl Byleth raised a hand and brushed them away. That's not true! She knew it wasn't. She knew her girlfriends loved her. Crying about this was ridiculous.
Yet, knowing and feeling are two very different things, and self-reassurance did little against the anxiety.
Which is why a sudden rumbling in her hoodie pocket alerting her to a notification came as such a welcome relief.
Leading Lady: How are you holding up, darling?
Professor Smartypants: oh you know
the usual
Leading Lady: Now, I might be wrong, you are the professor here
But I believe that is what is generally called 'dodging the question'
Professor Smartypants: i took a feat
gives me extra ac against questions i don't want to answer
Leading Lady: Oh really?
That would explain why you're such a good dungeon mistress
Though, since we're not playing at the moment, you're not the one in charge
Are you?
Professor Smartypants: no
Leading Lady: Good girl
Who's in charge?
Professor Smartypants: you are
Leading Lady: Correct *sparkly heart emoji*
Now then, answer the question
How are you doing? I've been worried all morning
Professor Smartypants: dysphoria
anxiety
wasn't lying when i said it was the usual
Leading Lady: Ah yes, your twin demons
Do you want to share more details?
Professor Smartypants: no
sorry
just want to talk to you
Leading Lady: Alright then
I might be slow to reply, I'm making something special
Professor Smartypants: birthday cake?
Leading Lady: No, Edie's already placed an order for that
She has a bakery in town she swears by
I'm making **you** a treat, darling
Professor Smartypants: it doesn't have dairy right
Leading Lady: My dear professor, do you have so little faith in your pupil?
I've triple checked all the ingredients, there's nothing to worry about
Professor Smartypants: no whey?
Leading Lady: The pesky whey is nowhere to be seen
Your digestive system is perfectly safe
Professor Smartypants: oh shit they're starting boarding
need to focus on that
Leading Lady: Of course, I understand
Just let me know once you're onboard
Professor Smartypants: in my seat
lucked out
it's a narrow plane
got the little side where there's just one seat
no neighbors to stress about
Leading Lady: It sounds like you're feeling better
Professor Smartypants: i am
thanks to you
don't know what i would do without you
Leading Lady: I expect you'd have found another gorgeous woman to share your time with
Or two
Who knows? You're the type of woman who could by the center of a beautiful web of relationships
Professor Smartypants: ...
i have no good response to that
that isn't like
really self deprecating
luckily for me it's airplane mode time
love you
Leading Lady: Love you too, Byleth
See you soon
Layovers sucked.
It wasn't even that far from Garreg Mach to Enbarr, but nonetheless the cheapest flight available that fit Byleth and Dorothea's schedule was one with a brief stop in Aegir.
Well, perhaps 'brief' is a poor choice of words. The nearly three hours she had to wait at the next gate, after following confusing signs and taking several trams to reach the appropriate section of the airport, were anything but 'brief'.
It was early afternoon now, and Dorothea wasn't available to chat anymore; she was doing a stream. Still, at least the plane's bathroom had finally given her a chance to relieve herself without fear of a horrible confrontation.
This gate was fairly empty, with no flights coming in relatively soon, so Byleth was lying on her back across four seats and hoping none of the airport staff gave her shit for it. She reached into her bookbag, past her laptop case, and grabbed some snacks.
Eating those killed some time, but soon enough she was bored again.
She had already caught up on her podcasts, attempts at reading anything had failed, and the internet at this airport was utter garbage unless she paid for a premium, so even loading up her teacher's email to answer questions would be impossible.
Thus, she pulled out her laptop, logged in, and opened up her campaign notes.
Byleth had once sent a screenshot of what her screen looked like when she was planning for her game to her party, with all the spoilery details blurred out. Edelgard had summarized the group's opinion well in saying, "You're going to kill that cheap laptop with that many windows."
Which is where they were wrong. Her system was simple, in her opinion. Half the screen was taken up by word processors. She had somewhere between ten and fifteen open at a time, but managed their sizes so that only a few were shown at the top until they were needed. The documents included session recaps, lore details relevant to the game, plot threads to keep track of, individual files for each PC, NPC details, NPC stats, and more.
The other half of the screen was taken up by only one thing at a time, namely an ebook version of a rulebook. She once again kept many open at once, able to switch between them as required.
Unlike Edelgard with her custom setting, Byleth went with something established, and always did her best to make sure the canon was as accurate as possible, and easily available for reference.
The party was soon going to embark into the Eldritch Groves, and finding a way to make a location the setting book kept light on details, a mysterious place of impossible qualities, was...well, to be frank, perhaps beyond Byleth's skills. But she wanted to ensure the game was satisfying.
Time flew by in the work, and when she felt her phone go off again, she was startled to check the hour and see it was almost time for the next flight.
Checking the notification, she saw with a sinking feeling in her stomach that it was Edelgard, reaching out.
Flame Emperor: Are you awak?
Professor Smartypants: no but i am awake
barely
Flame Emperor: Wel, at leas tthe disease hasn't robbed you of you're wit
Professor Smartypants: i'll die in this bed
being witty on the internet
the dream
Flame Emperor: *flat stare emoji*
Professor Smartypants: okay, okay, sorry
i won't die
Flame Emperor: Good
It's rule 1 on my server
Professor Smartypants: you've become so powerful, you can even control death
Flame Emperor: Do not quot those films too me
Professor Smartypants: make me
Flame Emperor: What are yor symptoms?
Have they changed at all? (edited)
Professor Smartypants: still dizzy
still feverish
still achy breaky
Flame Emperor: Have you been drinking water?
Professor Smartypants: brought a few bottles from the fridge in here this morning
been sipping them whenever i'm awake
Flame Emperor: Excellent. I must return to work (edited)
I love you
Professor Smartypants: love you toooooooooooooooo
The journey was over.
As the sun prepared to set outside, Byleth was in Enbarr. Her limbs ached, her back was lodging formal complaints, and her nerves were fried.
She waited outside, ready to be picked up, eyeing her phone for an update from her girlfriend.
Byleth was about to see Dorothea. In person.
That fact didn't seem entirely real. The misery of the trip thus far, all the problems the airline industry brought her, were impossible to think of, as she was confronted with the fact that Dorothea was about to be more in her experience than words on a screen, a voice on a call, pixels on a video.
The part of her that was worried before was still there, still nervous about what would happen if this didn't work. The back of her mind kept a running tally of all the unlikely and ridiculous ways this could be ruined. I'm being catfished. She's not coming, this was an expensive prank. She is coming and we just don't click at all actually.
Then her phone buzzed, and Byleth saw a text from the woman she was waiting for, asking again exactly where she was. She started to write a reply, worried that Dorothea was seriously lost or somehow at the wrong airport, when Byleth felt an unexpected tap on her shoulder, making her jump. "Excuse me, have you seen my girlfriend?"
"Thea!" Byleth turned and before she could even really see Dorothea, she was holding her in a tight embrace. Byleth could see the curtain of Dorothea's dark brown hair brushing against her face. She could smell Dorothea's perfume, a fresh apple scent that was as sweet as the woman's personality. She could feel Dorothea's arms around her waist, her head resting on her shoulder, and her chest brushed up close under Byleth's.
"What, did you think I wasn't coming?" Even without seeing her face, Byleth could tell Dorothea was crying, and in that moment Byleth realized she was as well.
After an eternity holding each other, they separated, and Byleth gasped.
Saying Dorothea was beautiful was like saying that roses were red. Obvious, to the point of sounding like a fool for pointing it out. But that had been a cold, distant fact for Byleth until now. In-person, there were details not as visible over photos or video.
Hints of a receding widow's peak, scars on her arms that her short sleeved blouse didn't hide well, bags under her eyes from overwork and stress.
Looking at her girlfriend up close for the first time, Byleth realized that any previous accounting of Dorothea's beauty was inaccurate, bordering on laughable. She was radiant. Not because she was perfect, but because she was Dorothea.
"You're gorgeous..." Dorothea breathed before Byleth could say anything, raising a hand to cup Byleth's cheek. For a moment, the gesture reminded Byleth of the light scruff on her face that still bothered her, but it was vastly overwhelmed under a sea of more positive emotions.
Feeling like a fool for not knowing how to reply, Byleth gaped for a moment, blushing, before finally responding, "You too."
"Let's go home."