AN: I was watching the movie Last Christmas (2019) the other day and I noticed that the rink they skate at during the,, well, skating scene is actually the Alexandra Palace rink ! Which makes sense, because it's seriously one of the prettiest indoor rinks I've ever seen, and no lie, that's the main reason why I chose it as Lily and James's training base (I'm also very confused as to why Henry Golding wears hockey skates in the scene, like, okay ?). The scene is easy to find on YouTube if you want to see it.

Another AN: The title of this chapter is a lyric from Paper Rings by Taylor Swift, it's from a verse that inspired a bit of this chapter, and you should really really listen to it. Preferably after you read this chapter.

Also, thank you for the latest reviews I've gotten, they made my heart happy !

There were exactly six days between the end of Junior Worlds and the day Lily and James had to leave for senior Worlds. So, there wasn't much time to do anything but practice, practice, practice. No time to ponder on other things. Such as that kiss. Which Minerva had ended up deciding they should take out of the program, so really there was no use giving it too much thought. Or so Lily thought.

Before she could take a breath, Lily was on a plane heading towards America. She felt the thrum of excitement almost as soon as she entered the hotel in Boston. Loads of people from all over the world were arriving at the same time as them. Lily had never attended an event this big, with so many big names. She had met some top skaters before, but she definitely saw a few faces she admired but hadn't had the pleasure to meet yet. She briefly wondered if she'd get to meet Tessa and Scott, they were supposed to be around to do some commentating, but Lily didn't want to get her hopes up.

It was almost funny to Lily to think about how different things were at the moment compared to a year ago. She still remembered James's birthday a year ago. Sirius had made a fuss about it at the rink, there had been cake and she'd thought James had been especially annoying that day. She was sure she hadn't even wished him a happy birthday. Now, she had spent almost a month stressing over what to get him. She tended to be kind of bad at presents. She mostly gave people books or jewellery if they were women. She wanted to give James something more special though. And she'd been quite pleased with what she'd come up with. She just hoped he liked it. And she hoped she could find a moment alone with him so he could give it to him because there was no way she was doing it publicly.

They actually had gotten a moment alone on the Sunday afternoon after they arrived and settled in. James's mum had insisted that they go out and be touristy around Boston for a while, which Lily had assumed at first meant they should go out with Sirius and their friends who were also there, but Mrs Potter had called an Uber for them before they could even think about going to get anyone else from their rooms.

Lily hadn't brought James's present. It wasn't small enough to fit in her small crossbody bag and she hardly thought it was practical to just walk around with it. So, she'd wait. She hadn't exactly had time to research any Boston must-sees, but Mrs Potter had just sent them to the general downtown area.

They got off the Uber at a small park.

"Where should we go?" Lily asked.

James looked around. "I... I don't know. It's Sunday afternoon, I think everything's closed."

"Maybe we can just walk."

James nodded and motioned for her to go ahead.

They walked in silence and Lily felt that nagging bit of tension that had been hanging over them since Junior Worlds. It wasn't such an obvious thing, she guessed most people hadn't even noticed it, but she very much had. It wasn't like they weren't still friendly or like they'd reverted back to how they used to be at the beginning. It was just this odd veil of politeness that had started coming from James, and Lily had had no idea what to do except follow suit.

She had guessed this treatment had to do with her refusal to talk about the incident during that practice day at Junior Worlds. And Lily knew that he was right to be thrown off by it and that they should talk about it, and she had thought maybe after Junior Worlds was over, she'd be calm enough to have that conversation, but those six days of preparation for Worlds had been so full, she just hadn't done it. And now they were finally in Boston and she had no idea what to say.

A large stained glass window caught Lily's eye. "That's nice." She nodded towards it.

James stopped and looked. "Want to go inside?"

"Of the church?"

"Well, yeah."

Lily frowned. "Is that... is that allowed?"

James seemed confused by her question. "Of course it's allowed."

Lily felt like you shouldn't be able to just walk into a place that beautiful. "I don't know... I've gone to church like... twice in my life when I was little."

James started walking towards it. "Well, come on."

Lily followed him across the threshold. The large double doors were wide open, so she supposed they were allowed in.

It was so quiet inside. She felt like she'd disturb the piece if she even moved an inch.

James very quickly crossed himself and to say Lily was stunned would be an understatement. Was he religious? Why did she not know about this? She tried to hide her shock. She'd ask later, there was no way she was speaking up now, they were in a church.

Lily took a second to take the inside in. It was more colourful than she thought a church could be. There were shades of dark red and blue on the walls. With patterns painted all over that should've been a little much but somehow weren't. There were more windows like the one she'd spotted before on the walls. She realised now that the windows had images of saints (she guessed) on them.

James walked further inside, alongside a wall. Lily felt slightly nervous about going more than a few steps inside but he didn't seem too worried. There wasn't a mass taking place, only a few people sat on the pews and others knelt in prayer. A few more tourists walked along the sides. She followed James.

They examined the windows and the paintings in silence. Lily had no idea who any of the people represented were, but it was all very pretty.

More people started coming in and sitting down on the pews and Lily assumed there would be a service soon.

"We should go," he didn't whisper, but he spoke in a very low voice that Lily felt all the way to her bones.

She nodded and they moved outside, where the noise seemed to find its life again.

They continued walking until they reached another park, this one a lot bigger than the one they'd been dropped off at.

"Hold on, I've got to take a picture of this for my grandma."

Lily looked in the direction James was walking to see a plaque a little shorter than her own height. A bust of the pope was etched onto the stone with his name beneath it. Then it read something about his first visit to the United States below. What an eye-opening day this was turning out to be.

James snapped a quick picture of it.

"Do you want me to take your picture?" Lily asked.

"Sure," he handed her his phone.

Lily wished he hadn't. She could've easily used her own phone and sneakily added the picture to her growing collection of pictures of James she had no business having on her phone.

She snapped the picture of James giving a thumbs up and smiling too widely next to the pope and handed back his phone.

"I didn't know you were... religious," Lily said.

James shrugged. "I'm not super religious. But my grandmother is extremely religious, and my mother is religious enough to take us to church every other Sunday."

Lily nodded.

"I mostly do it because of my grandma. Religion means a lot to her, and I don't really mind it. It makes her happy... and I find it kind of comforting, mostly because I associate most religious things with her. I don't get to see her very often, and... religion, it makes me feel connected to her. It also makes me feel connected to my paternal grandmother who passed when I was younger, so it's a win-win for me, honestly."

Lily groaned internally. What was the point of telling her this? Did he really need to make her love him even more?

Lily's brain short-circuited.

She knew she hadn't just thought of that word in relation to James Potter. Sure, she did fancy him quite a bit. But she did not love him. No. No way.

Except that she did a little bit.

Her palms felt clammy. Her heart was beating way too fast.

James frowned. "Are you okay?"

Her head snapped towards him. She was sure he could read the distress in her face. She waved it off. "Fine, I'm fine... that's a really nice thing you said about your grandmothers."

Lily was extremely grateful when James's cellphone rang and he looked at the screen. "Oh shoot. Speak of the devil... it's my grandma, she probably wants to wish me a happy birthday. I'm going to walk over to a less busy area because this is about to get real shouty."

Lily nodded and James started walking further into the park, finally picking up the call.

He was right. Lily started doubting he was actually talking to his grandmother because he was practically yelling into the phone. She had no idea what he was actually saying though. It was all in Spanish. The few laughs he let out reassured her he wasn't actually fighting with his grandmother.

Lily took the time James was distracted to gather herself. She had no time to deal with... feelings at the moment. Once their season was over... maybe. But right now she had to focus on Worlds. Their first Worlds. Two years before the Olympics. They had to do well. And there was no way she was letting anything distract her right now.

There was a bit of a surprise awaiting them when they got back to the hotel.

Mrs Potter had gathered pretty much everyone who was even remotely friendly with James at the event and set up a small dinner party in the hotel restaurant, full with balloons and a banner and a very nice cake. Lily had no idea how the woman had pulled that off having arrived in Boston just that morning.

Lily sat with Melanie and avoided even looking in James's direction all through dinner (okay, she couldn't help but look a few times). She was glad he seemed to be having a good time. He and Sirius were bursting out in laughter every five seconds. Sirius complained more than once about the fact that James had just happened to be in a country where he couldn't drink until twenty-one on his eighteenth birthday.

"Are you okay?" Melanie whispered to Lily at a point during dinner. "You keep looking at James with this very angsty look on your face like he's dying tomorrow or something."

Had she really? Lily tried to relax her features and deliberately not look at James. "Fine."

"Did something happen on your... walk with James?" Melanie asked.

"No, nothing. I was just... thinking about something. Maybe I'll tell you later." Technically nothing had happened.

They were sent to their rooms a bit after nine. They were all having early mornings, with the first official practices the next day. Lily knew that James and Sirius and the guys would probably stay up for longer, she wanted to tell them not to drink because she would be incredibly mad if James showed up with a hangover in the morning. But she didn't say anything; she trusted James.

Instead, she asked James to stop by her room before going off with Sirius. Before anyone else went up.

"I won't take long, I just wanted to give you your present," Lily said as she let James into the room.

"You didn't have to get me anything, Lily."

Lily smiled as she dug out her carefully wrapped present and handed it to James. "Here, open it."

James sat on the edge of Lily's bed as he ripped off the paper. "It's a scrapbook?"

Lily sat beside him. "I... I like doing things like this, you know, crafts. And I didn't exactly have much of a budget, so I thought it'd be nice to do this to document our first season together."

The cover was red, big golden letters read Evans & Potter 2015-2016 season.

James opened it.

The immediate first heading read September. Then there was a picture of them, from one of the first days they'd trained together. Minerva had forced them to take that picture for the British federation so that they could announce their partnership. Lily had been still quite tense around James and her fake smile looked more like a grimace. Then there was a picture of them in Michigan with Marina.

In the next month, James pointed to a picture from when they had made flower crowns with Alena. "Where'd you get this one? I'd never seen it before."

"The instructor uploaded it to the Garden socials."

James nodded. "I like it."

Lily figured that was a sort of man-code for 'oh my god, I look cute as hell here, sent me that pic right now'. So she did.

There was a group selfie Mary had taken at the boats on the Palace lake. Then, their first medal together, at Sectionals. The Halloween picture when their costumes accidentally matched.

Then their first international competition together in Estonia, including a picture with their American friends, the Simms. British Nationals.

The first pictures where Lily genuinely started looking completely at ease with James were the ones from their last-minute performance at the Christmas showcase.

"Hey, whatever happened to that guy you invited to the showcase?" James asked as he looked at the photos.

Lily had a feeling he knew exactly what happened. Still, she decided to humour him. "He was jealous of you, and my plan to show him there was nothing to worry about backfired."

Lily's honest answer clearly threw James off, but he quickly recovered. He raised a brow. "Oh, yeah? What was the plan?"

Lily sighed. "That he would see us skate together and quickly realise there was no way anything was going on between us." She had no idea where this flirty, playful tone was coming from.

A slight smirk from James. "But it backfired?"

Lily shrugged. "You know how non-skaters can be about this stuff. It backfired."

James nodded and turned back to the book.

There was exactly one picture from the MNNT Cup in Poland because Lily would rather forget most of the events that took place there. But she did want to remember their first international gold together, as cursed as it might have been.

It ended with Junior Worlds, which took up a pretty large section. James stared at the last page until Lily started getting nervous and stood up so she could pace a little. "I thought after we get home I could make the pages for Worlds and you could add them at the end," she said in one breath.

James closed the book and looked at her with a smile. He stood and took Lily's hand so she would stop moving. "This is beyond amazing, Lily. Thank you so much."

Then he hugged her. Lily relaxed against him. She wished they could stay like this forever.

After retiring to bed for the night, the strangest thing happened to Lily. Something that hadn't happened to her since she was a kid probably. She was too excited to sleep.

She was competing on the world stage tomorrow. Well, not tomorrow, but it would all start tomorrow. Her first major senior competition, she was in the big leagues now, that was for sure. She couldn't even remember how long she had been waiting for this moment. Seeing her and James's names on the roster list felt like a dream still.

She laid in bed for about an hour, just attempting to sleep, Melanie having drifted off long ago. Lily started getting frustrated with her brain's refusal to shut down and even though she knew she shouldn't, she grabbed her phone from the nightstand. The screen lit up, and her heart skipped a beat when she saw James's name. He had texted her not twenty minutes earlier. A simple, u up?

You should be asleep, Lily replied.

I'm assuming that means yes.

Before Lily could reply, there was another text from James. I'm outside your door.

Lily sat up in bed and frowned at the screen. She put on a jumper over her t-shirt hastily and opened the door. "Are you drunk?"

James frowned. "What? No."

Lily's eyes narrowed. He seemed... happy, but not exactly drunk. "You should get to bed, we have to be up early."

James sighed. "I'll go to bed if you come out with me for a little bit. Come on, I want to enjoy the last hour of my birthday."

Lily was tempted to say yes. "Can't Sirius keep you company?"

He leaned against her doorframe. "He was out at like ten, he hardly slept on the plane here."

Before she could change her mind, she answered. "Okay, but just for ten minutes."

James smiled as if she'd just given him the world and Lily felt like she would melt into a puddle.

She put on her shoes and grabbed her room key.

"Where do you want to go?" She asked once in the hallway.

"I thought we could go sit by the pool."

"Isn't it closed?"

"The pool is, but the chairs beside it aren't."

Lily exhaled. "Okay, then."

They headed to the ground floor in silence. Lily shivered as the outside air hit her. She rubbed her arms up and down, her jumper definitely wasn't thick enough for this weather.

James slipped his jacket off. "Here." He didn't wait for an answer before draping it over Lily's shoulders.

"Thanks."

James stood at the edge of the pool and slipped his shoes off.

"What are you doing?" Lily asked, alarmed.

"Just want to see how cold the water is."

"You can touch it with your hand!"

He ignored her and sat, he dipped a foot in and grimaced. "Oh, that's... fucking cold."

"Well, obviously."

He was still in his cheery mood though. He grinned at Lily. "Don't you ever get the compulsion to jump into a pool fully clothed?"

"James."

He chuckled, shrugging. "Well, don't you?"

"Not really."

"Sirius always gets the compulsion to throw me in whenever there's a pool."

Lily wasn't sure where he was going with this.

James was still smiling. "But I've always thought if you're going to get into a pool fully clothed, it should be of your own accord. It gives it a certain... daring element."

Lily crossed her arms over her chest. She did not want to humour this but... ugh. "Daring?"

There was a mischievous glint in James's eyes. "It's a good quality... to be daring. Would you dare, Evans?"

He hadn't called her by her last name in months probably. Not since they had become... friendly. This wasn't like when he used to call her that though. Back then, he'd call her Evans when he was being an ass. The way he said it now, it made a shiver run down Lily's spine.

"Would I dare to what, Potter?" She asked in a small voice.

He didn't miss a beat. "Jump into this pool with me."

"We'll get in trouble. Minerva will kill us."

James looked around the pool area. "I don't see anyone here to catch us. Come on. You're the bravest person I know. Surely you're not scared of a little water."

Lily was about to retort when James started moving. He stood and before Lily could even try to do anything, he smoothly dove into the pool. He was underwater for a few seconds before resurfacing, making a big splash. "Ah, fuck. It's cold."

Lily threw a hand over her mouth. Was he trying to give her a heart attack? She leaned down by the edge. "Oh my god, James. What the fuck?"

"Come on, Lils! We can be serious and professional tomorrow!" He said a little too loudly.

"Lower your voice!"

James swam towards the centre of the pool, seemingly having the time of his life and Lily sighed. She took her shoes off and dipped a toe in the water. It was fucking freezing.

James was beaming. "Come on, Evans! I dare you to get into this pool, right now."

Lily rolled her eyes. She took a deep breath and held it. And she jumped in.

"Fuck! Oh my god!" The water was freezing. Lily immediately started moving around to try to get less cold. She slowly swam up to James. "I think I'm going to actually freeze to death."

James wrapped his arms around her, trying to pass on some body heat. He laughed louder than Lily's joke warranted. Lily found herself laughing with him. The cold was making her head go funny and she just couldn't help herself.

"Hey!"

Their laughter died as soon as it'd started. A hotel employee stood a few feet from the pool, he held a flashlight. Lily let out a gasp. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

James reacted quicker than her. He heaved himself out of the water easily, pulling Lily out just as easily. In the blink of an eye, he had grabbed their shoes and ran, Lily's hand in his.

Lily's legs were tense. Both from the biting cold that had hit her the second she was out of the water, but also from the anxiety of being caught.

James slowed down for a second and hoisted Lily over his shoulder before continuing on. That was much quicker.

Lily didn't know how James knew there was another door to enter the hotel from the pool area but he pulled them through it and Lily was grateful to at least be indoors.

"You won't get away with this!" The hotel man yelled after them, but his voice sounded far away, and resigned. He probably didn't want to chase two soaked teenagers through the hotel in the middle of the night.

James walked into a room, shutting the door behind them and finally putting Lily down. They looked at each other for a second. Lily barely registering that they were in some sort of supply room with towels and other pool stuff. Then James burst into laughter.

Lily tried to shush him. "He might come around looking for us," she whispered. But she was laughing a little bit too.

He grabbed a towel off a shelf and wrapped it around Lily's shoulders. She sniffled and he rubbed her back over the towel to give her some warmth. He was still laughing.

Lily leaned her head against his chest, not able to contain her laughter anymore. "Oh my god."

"That was very daring of you, Evans," James said as his laughter started dying down.

Lily smiled and looked up at him. "I learned from the daringest."

They went quiet as Lily realised how close their faces were to one another. He glanced down at her lips for less than a second. Lily held her breath. He leaned down slightly and their noses were touching. She could feel his warm breath on her lips.

He let his lips whisper over hers. He didn't close the gap though. Lily couldn't stand it anymore. She moved an inch closer and didn't give him the same chaste kiss they'd shared on the ice before. She kissed him like she meant it. She pressed her lips against his hard. He reciprocated immediately. He drew a hand around her waist and squeezed her against his body. Lily let out a small gasp when she felt his tongue. She took another step until James was pressed against the door and they were snogging like their lives depended on it.

Lily would have gladly stayed in that tiny room all night but James set her hands firmly on her hips and pushed her away. She couldn't help the twinge of disappointment that went through her. She frowned. "What's wrong?"

James took a deep breath and looked away from her. "We can't... we can't keep doing this, Lily."

Lily was confused. "But I thought you still..."

James let out a humourless chuckle. He rubbed his temple. "Yeah, yeah, I still do. Which is why I don't get why you're being so cruel to me, Lily."

Lily's heart dropped. She felt sick. "What?"

He finally looked her in the eyes. "I've had feelings for you for years, Lily. And you've made it very clear that you don't feel the same for me. Do you?"

Lily averted her eyes. She wanted to answer, she really did. But her throat had closed up.

James sighed. "When I said I was trying to get over you, I really meant it. But I can't do that if you keep... being all flirty and randomly kissing me like that whenever you please. Because... as much as I thoroughly enjoy kissing you, it's killing me, Lily. It's killing me to have you so close knowing that you don't feel as I do. So, I'd really just rather... you stop, because the moment your kiss ends, I am reminded again that I can't have you. And it hurts, it really does."

Lily felt her eyes fill with tears. Oh no. Oh she had never meant for this to happen. "James, I'm... I'm so sorry–"

He shook his head. "No, you don't have to apologise, I just had to tell you that. And as much as it pains me to say this, that was the last time, Lily. Because I can't handle this anymore."

Lily could barely get the words out in a choke. "James, I don't want you to think that I don't care about you or your feelings, because I do–"

James raised a hand to cut her off. "Please. Please just don't say anything, Lily. I know you don't mean to hurt me. But it might actually kill me to have to hear your placations right now." He set a hand on the door handle. "Let's just go to bed."

They walked out in silence. And rode the lift in silence. Lily wanted to say something so bad. 'I do have feelings for you! But we can't.' But she didn't want to make things worse, and she didn't want to hurt his feelings even further. And her head was too scrambled to try to think of what would be the right thing to say right now. She so didn't want to leave things like this though.

Lily, you stupid bitch, just think of anything you can say to make things better! She scolded herself. But her brain refused to work. And before she knew it, they were at her door.

"You should shower before going to bed, or you'll catch a cold," James said.

Lily's brain was still trying to process what James had said in the supply room, so it took her a second to catch up. But before she could say anything back, James was walking away.

She dug her room key from her pocket, and slid it into the slot. She entered the dark room and took a deep breath.

Fuck.

AN: In case you don't want to go listen to the song I mentioned, here's the verse I was talking about:

"In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool

When you jumped in first, I went in too

I'm with you even if it makes me blue."