AN: I'm sorry for being a swiftie on main but I've been thinking a lot about which songs from evermore remind me of Jily and I'm glad to announce that I am officially claiming 'willow', 'champagne problems', and 'cowboy like me' as Jily songs. I would give my detailed explanation for each of these choices but y'all probably don't want to hear it lmao.

Also, I just noticed that Lily is such a Slytherin in this story and honestly, I kinda love that for her.

Twenty-four hours after the incident, Lily still felt very conflicted. The first day of official practices had meant that she and James barely had a moment alone. The flurry of activity also kept them from even sparing a thought towards anything but skating.

Lily hated not being able to focus properly during a competition. Her mindset was usually that of a laser focus on her goals. But now she was thinking of not only her own feelings but James's feelings. Ugh.

She could've cornered him after dinner, and she did entertain that idea, but she just hadn't had any time at all to think of what she was going to say to him. She didn't want to make things worse. So she resolved to wait. They still had another day before the Short Dance took place, she could figure something out by then. Yes, of course, she could.

As soon as they retired to their shared hotel room for the night, Melanie sat on the corner of her bed and stared at Lily with a frustrated expression on her face. "So... what the hell happened with you and James last night?"

Lily cursed her pale skin as a deep blush coloured her cheeks. "What? How—"

Melanie held up a hand. "I heard you come in after midnight yesterday and you barely spoke to each other all day today. Not to mention the various angsty glances you threw his way."

"I did not!"

"Stop deflecting and tell me!"

Lily flopped onto the bed next to her friend. "We... hung out for a bit last night... and we might have... kissed."

Melanie let out a small gasp and actually jumped up in her seat. "Finally!" She deflated at seeing Lily's expression. "But...?"

Lily sighed deeply. Then she launched into the explanation of what had happened the previous night, strategically leaving out any mention of her own feelings. "... and now I don't know what to say to him to diffuse this... tension."

Melanie thought for a second. "So... you're trying to find a way to let him down easy?"

Lily glanced away from her friend. "I... not exactly."

Melanie raised a brow. "Oh?"

Lily took a deep breath. She really needed to start being more direct. And there was no time like the now. "I'm in love with him," she confessed. She finally looked Melanie in the eye because she needed her to know how true her feelings were. "Like, really fucking in love with him."

Melanie got a soft look in her eyes. "But... ?"

Lily felt tears stinging at her eyes. God, she was being so pathetic right now. She bit her lip. "But... I can't. I can't because if we get together now and then we break up, our partnership will be over even if we try to make it work. I thought maybe... in a few years when we retire..."

Melanie looked incredulous. "You're eighteen! You mean when you retire in ten years?"

Lily looked down at her hands. "Maybe after we get an Olympic medal... I don't know! All I know is that it is decidedly not a good idea to start a romantic relationship at such a crucial moment of our career!"

Melanie looked like she was bursting to say something but she took a breath first. "Lily... you know I love you, and one of my favourite things about you is how determined and competitive you are. And because you're so talented and so good at what you do, and also happen to have these qualities... you have developed a... pathological need to win." She kept talking when she saw Lily was about to argue. "Which I find to be endearing in you and am not at all judging you for. But you must admit that you are obsessed with winning and you have all these plans in your head of how you want your career to go and I genuinely believe that you will achieve all you want, you will be a World and Olympic champion.

"But I think that the road there won't go exactly as you think it will because you can't control everything. And as your friend, I just really don't want your sheer determination to stop you from living your life. Because you can have both, Lily! You can have James as a boyfriend and as a partner because if you really love him that much, I know you can make it work. If you both love each other, and you want to be together, you will make it work, even if it's hard and you stumble and struggle, you'll make it, and it'll be worth it."

Lily so wished she could believe Melanie. "Well... I don't know if he loves–"

"Lily," Melanie cut her off. "Come on. He loves you."

She felt a blush creep up her cheeks. "I... think I'd have to think about it. All I know is that I really can't promise him anything until we get home. I can't spare any time for this right now."

Melanie smiled. "There's my lovely pathological friend."

Lily's shoulders drooped and she made a face at Melanie.

Melanie set a hand on Lily's arm. "Well... I think you should tell him how you feel about him as soon as possible, even if you're unsure about a relationship at the moment. He should know."

Lily groaned. "But what if it makes him feel worse that I don't want a relationship even though I have feelings for him?"

Melanie sighed dramatically. "I feel like the good feelings will outweigh the bad ones."

Lily laid back on the bed with a deep sigh. This was all such a mess.

Lily woke up the next day not feeling any more sure of what to do than the previous day. Her talk with Melanie had definitely helped her be calmer and sort her feelings out. But overall, she still had no fucking idea what she was supposed to say to James.

She went through the motions almost on autopilot. All too aware that the time was passing and the Short Dance drew nearer and nearer but the silence between her and James was deafening, and she didn't know how to break it, even if she felt the thread their relationship hung by getting thinner and thinner.

It was Tuesday afternoon before their practice session that Mrs Potter of all people came to find her while she stretched in the small hotel gym, just for something to do.

Mrs Potter's smile was bright as always. "Lily! Hey, there's something you should see in the hotel lobby!"

Lily was slightly confused. "Oh? Right now?"

"Yes! I promise it's worth it. Come on!" She waved Lily over.

Lily got up a little reluctantly but didn't complain. She knew James probably hadn't told his mum of what had gone down between them because if he had, Mrs Potter would surely hate her now.

Lily followed James's mother into the lobby and felt her stomach drop in surprise.

Standing near the front desk were the people she hadn't realised she needed most at the moment. "Mum!" she yelled out.

Mrs Evans turned and smiled brightly at her daughter. Lily ran up to her and hugged the woman. "What are you doing here? Is it even safe for you to... ?"

Mrs Evans waved her off. "Oh, it's completely fine, Lily. We couldn't miss this for the world. The Potters offered to fly us out here and I know you don't like accepting handouts, but we thought it was worth it this time to see our daughter competing at the World Championships."

Lily couldn't find it in her heart to complain. She squeezed her mother. "I'm so glad you're here."

Once she had thoroughly hugged both her parents, Lily turned to Mrs Potter. "Thank you so much, Mrs Potter. This means so much to me."

Mrs Potter smiled softly. "As much as I'd like to take credit for this, it was actually James's idea. He insisted on it, in fact."

Lily wasn't quite sure how to feel about that. If anything, it made her feel slightly worse. "Oh."

Her mum patted her arm. "Isn't it almost time for you to go to the rink? You should go get ready."

Lily smiled weakly and confirmed her mother's words.

Mrs Evans accompanied Lily to her floor and Lily was grateful just to be able to hold her mother's hand while she went through this emotional turmoil.

Melanie wasn't in the room when they entered and Mrs Evans thankfully didn't say anything about the mess they had. She took her daughter's hand before she went off to change her clothes. "Lily, I want you to know that your father and I are very proud of you for making it here."

Lily smiled. "I know, Mum."

"But while I know you're very focused on your goals, we also really want you to just have fun. You're in America, with your friends, and with your peers from all over the world, you should stop and look at all the great things you'll take away from here, regardless of what those score sheets will say."

Lily sighed. Melanie's words rang in her ears. She nodded. "Okay, Mum."

Even though things had been tense between Lily and James for the past two days, they had both been trying their best to act like everything was fine at least during practice. Sure, they weren't talking much in-between practice sessions and weren't joking around during downtime on the ice anymore, but they still performed all of their elements to the best of their abilities and could turn on the performance value for run-throughs of their programs. Until that evening practice.

Lily wasn't entirely sure what had changed. Maybe the fact that it was the last practice before the Short Dance the next morning. Maybe John deciding to do a little repeat of his intimidation tactics in Poland and having many near-crashes with them. Lily had thought she had learned how not to let his tactics affect her, and maybe it was a combination of many factors but she just couldn't handle it this time.

"Are you okay?" James asked with a frown after John and Tala had forced them to abort a lift by skating too fast, way too close to them. James had his hands on Lily's waist as he skated forwards and she backwards. She held onto his arm tightly. James had been very much avoiding touching her when it wasn't necessary, so she very much had to take advantage of moments like this on the ice.

Lily nodded quickly. She dared a glance at John. He was focused on his partner, but there was a slight expression on his face that told Lily he knew exactly what he was doing. It made her rage internally.

She was so tired. This was not how she thought her first Worlds was going to go. Seeing Lily wasn't up for trying that lift again, James led her to Minerva, who stood by the boards. "You sure?"

Lily wished he wouldn't be so nice to her. She felt tears stinging at her eyes. Oh no. She needed to get herself in control. There was no way in hell she was crying right there on the ice, at the very public practice in front of her fellow competitors. She would rather die.

James's frown was deep. He set an arm around her waist and diverted their course to the rink's exit instead of to Minerva. He looked over at their coach and mouthed something but Lily couldn't tell what it was.

She wanted to tell him their practice session wouldn't be over for another twenty minutes and after the rough practice they'd just had, they needed every minute they could get. But she didn't trust her voice to stay steady if she opened her mouth. So, she just let James lead her off the rink, hastily putting their skate guards on.

He walked rather surely through some doors that clearly stated only authorised personnel could go through. But his arm was still around her so she didn't say anything.

They went up a bunch of stairs and finally through a door that led them to the roof of the arena.

Once the chill of the evening air blew on Lily's face, the knot in her throat had subsided. She'd somehow managed not to let the tears fall.

"You shouldn't let John get to you, he's an asshole," James said.

"I know that," her voice came out a little choked. "It's not just him, his shit now was just kind of the last straw for me."

James's shoulders drooped. He looked away from Lily and at the Boston skyline in front of them. "Listen, Lily... I know I've been kind of... distant and I'm sorry, but I just think that's what's best right now until I can–"

Lily put her hands up to stop him. "Stop. Please." She took a deep breath. "There's something I need to tell you and I think I am going to burst if I don't say this to you right now. So please can you just listen to me and know that I have all the best intentions in my heart with what I'm about to say?"

James looked at her with wide questioning eyes. He nodded once.

Lily took a deep breath. She wished she had had the time to put on some shoes because she suddenly felt very unstable standing on her two blades only sheathed by two pieces of bright purple plastic. "When I first agreed to be your partner, I thought that there could only be two ways this was going to go; either I wouldn't be able to stand you and leave the first chance I got, or we'd reach a sort of mutual understanding and have a good professional relationship. I was caught off guard by how great you were to me, you had changed so much from what I was used to. I was glad at how it easy it was to be friends with you because I never thought I would be able to feel so comfortable around you. Like, literally never."

"Gee Lil, you really know how to make a guy feel special," James joked.

Lily held in an eye roll. "Will you shut up? I'm trying to make a confession here."

A raised eyebrow. "A confession?"

Lily gave him a look.

He put his hands up. "Right. Go on about how much you hated me back then."

Lily groaned. Maybe she shouldn't actually profess her love to him after all. "What I'm trying to say is that... in all the ways I could picture our partnership going, this had never been in my plans. You wrecked my plans. You came in with a freaking Zamboni and squashed my plans to hell." She took a few steps back, her heart felt like it was about to burst out of her chest. "I wasn't... supposed to fall head over heels for you. And I didn't want to say or do anything if I wasn't sure, but I think I've known for a while now. I knew when we skated that golden waltz that you had absolutely ruined me for other partners, I knew I never wanted to skate with anyone but you. I didn't realise it at the time, but it was because of how much I am... in love with you."

The shock that had passed through James's eyes when she'd said the word 'fall' was finally wearing off. His breath was coming out in small huffs. He opened his mouth to speak but Lily wouldn't let him.

She held a finger up. "I'm not done yet. I am telling you this because it's been eating away at me to think that you think I don't reciprocate your feelings because I'm pretty sure at this point I'm into you way more than you are into me. So, understandably, the very last thing I wanted when I kissed you was to hurt you. The times I've kissed you have been in all honesty because I just couldn't stand not kissing you in those moments. All that being said, and you'll probably hate me for this, but I don't think we should get into a relationship right now. Because I really really want to skate with you for the rest of my career, and I don't think that a relationship would be ideal at this very crucial point of our career. I'm sorry."

James looked crestfallen, but he did a good job of hiding it. "Can I speak now?"

Lily nodded quickly but kind of wished she could just leave this roof and never acknowledge this night again.

James took Lily's hand into his own gingerly. "That was mean of you to tell me you loved me and then not let me say it back immediately, because I love you too, Lily, so much. And you can rest assured that you will never be more into me than I am into you, that would simply be impossible."

Lily couldn't help but smile. A million butterflies that had taken flight in her heart after hearing him say he loved her. She felt teary again.

James raised his hand from hers and rested it on her cheek. He looked at her like she was the most wondrous thing he'd ever seen. "I won't lie, it does pain me to know that you don't want a relationship but I understand. I would never expect you to put a guy over your career. Maybe next season, or after we go to the Olympics... I can convince you that we can have both our careers and a relationship, but I get it."

"After the Olympics? In two years? I can't ask you to wait that long."

He smiled. "Lily, I would wait for you as long as it takes. If it takes until we retire, so be it, if it takes longer than that, I don't care."

Lily crossed her arms over her chest. She put her hand over his softly and pulled it from her cheek. "I can't ask you to do that. You should be able to go out with who you want, not just wait around for me. I would hate it if you did that. I want you to be happy."

He still smiled. "I could do that, but I know that you're it for me, Lily. I've known for a while now. I promise I won't close myself off to... opportunity, but I will wait for you, Evans, I don't care what you say."

Lily would never admit it but it made her deliriously happy to hear him say that. "I... I can't promise you anything, James, I just wanted to acknowledge these feelings and if one day, things work out, I want to be with you. But right now I think it's best to set this aside and focus on our skating."

His eyes were sad but he tried to smile still. "If that's what you want, okay."

"It is what I want."

Was it tough? Lily pushed her doubts aside. This felt like the right thing to do at the moment.

James nodded.

"We should get back. Minerva will be worried," Lily said.

"Before we go... can I kiss you? Just once."

Lily smiled and nodded.

James leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her lips. It wasn't the hurried kiss they'd shared in that closet not forty-eight hours ago. It was slow, like he wanted to savour it. Lily wished she could take this kiss and keep it in her pocket forever. She let out a shaky sigh as he finally pulled away.

This kiss hadn't felt like the ones they'd shared before. Those had been more stolen kisses than anything. This one felt like a promise.