AN: Oh my god ! I just got super emotional writing these last two chapters, it took me longer than I'd thought bc I wasn't entirely sure what would be the right way to end it. But I'm pretty pleased with the result.
I've really enjoyed writing this story and reading everyone's nice comments has genuinely made me so so happy, you have no idea how thankful I am. I'm going to miss y'all so much !
With the off-season underway, Lily found that she actually kind of missed competing. Sure, it was stressful, but she weirdly liked it. Now it would be about five or six months until they competed again. She and James hadn't talked about it but she already had several ideas for their new programs.
She had ended up telling him about Tala and the video on the plane ride back home. They had agreed to tell Minerva once in London so that they could report John to the proper authorities.
Once they had told her, Minerva had been outraged. She had immediately called the president of the British Skating federation himself directly to report the incident.
Lily hadn't exactly imagined that not even a week after returning from Worlds, she would be sitting in a stuffy room next to Minerva's office laying out the details of the incident at the MNNT Cup to officials from the British Fed, but she wasn't going to complain if it meant John getting what he deserved.
This was actually the first time Lily went to the rink since returning home. She had been absolutely drained after Worlds and had mainly just rested and hung out with her family for the past days.
Lily let James do most of the talking, only contributing here and there and when asked a question directly. He talked about John's previous threatening comments and the competition itself and then stuff he'd said after that.
"Do you know yet what his sanction will be?" Lily asked as the two women wrapped up their questions.
"That remains to be seen, but it will probably be no less than a five-year ban from all activities organised or approved by British Ice Skating. We are also reporting this to the ISU, and I imagine there will be a sanction from them as well," one of them — Ms Brown — replied.
Lily knew it wasn't very sportsmanlike to be happy a competitor would be banned from events but she'd argue it was even more unsportsmanlike to loosen a competitor's blades during a competition. So she was allowing herself to be glad about this outcome. She nodded. "Okay."
Lily and James showed the officials out and James offered to drive Lily home as the rink was pretty empty, almost everyone taking well-deserved breaks after a long season.
"Actually, why don't we go take a walk by the lake?" Lily surprised herself by suggesting.
James agreed and they set off to the lake. They walked slowly, Lily holding on to James's arm. This was probably the most relaxed she had felt in a long time.
"So... have you thought about next season?" James asked after a few minutes of silence.
"You mean like, programs?"
"Partly... but also, we've only spoken about this in passing but I just want you to know, seriously, I want to skate with you for however long you want to skate with me."
Lily smiled. "So... two Olympics? Three?"
"I'll go to ten Olympics with you if you wanted me to."
Lily chuckled. "Ten? So... you want us to skate together when we're in our fifties?"
"I can stay limber for you."
Lily laughed. "Well... I'd like to attend at least two Olympics, but I think it'll all depend on our results and our health. The only thing I know for sure is that I only want to skate with you."
James smiled so brightly, Lily felt herself almost actually swoon.
They stopped next to the lake, quiet for a moment.
Then James sighed deeply. "Also... and this is unbelievably hard for me to say out loud, but... I think that... it might not be the best idea for us to... kiss and stuff if we're not going to be together. I think in the long-run, that might make things complicated for us. I've... been thinking about this a lot and it would probably be best for the both of us to try to move forward... live our lives as exclusively platonic dance partners."
Lily felt her chest tighten. Logically, she knew that he was right, and he was very much within his right to ask that of her but god if her heart didn't break at the thought of letting him go. Because who knew what path their lives would take them on, it was impossible to tell if they could actually be together years from now.
She felt her eyes brim with tears but she tried her best to smile. She nodded. "Of course. Yeah, you're right."
She wanted nothing but to scream, "NO, I WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND KISS YOU EVERY DAY."
But she didn't. And then the moment passed. And they headed back to the palace and he drove her home. And as she sat in the passenger's seat of James's car, she couldn't help but feel like this moment was an ending. It was ironic, really, that their career was just taking off, but their opportunity to be together was closing.
James parked his car and they sat there in silence for a few minutes.
Lily opened the car door. If she stayed in there another second she might never leave. "I guess I'll see you when in a couple of weeks then." She smiled but didn't look at him.
James would be leaving the next day to spend a few weeks in Chile with his grandparents.
James nodded and Lily exited the car. James's words rang in her ears. She had just agreed to try to move on as strictly platonic partners but if her brain screamed at her that that was the right decision, then why did she feel so fucking awful about it? She shut the car door and took a breath.
Petunia was walking out of the kitchen when Lily walked into the house.
"Oh. Hi," Petunia said simply.
"Hey," Lily replied. She hoped her emotions weren't showing too obviously on her face.
Petunia nodded awkwardly and went off upstairs.
Huh. That was actually not so bad for being Petunia. Lily would even call it progress.
It had been a new development. After Worlds, Petunia had sent a congratulatory text to Lily, who had momentarily thought her phone had been hacked. She would've liked to think her performance had moved her sister to the level of reconsidering their one-sided feud. But it was probably something else. Whatever it was, Petunia had been a lot more tolerable lately, which Lily thought was a step in the right direction.
Lily walked slowly up the stairs.
She turned the TV on in an attempt to stop thinking about James and it worked for a while.
Until about two hours later, when she laid in bed crying into her pillow, her phone thrown discarded across the room, TV forgotten.
She didn't even notice the door opening until she felt the bed shift and a hand with on her shoulder.
She turned to see Mary sitting there. Worry on her face. "What's wrong, babe?"
"How are you here?"
"Your mum thought from your nonsensical grumbling that this was about a boy, so she called me."
Lily huffed. She wiped her face. "It's really stupid... I don't even know why I'm like this. I just... I was curious about his grandparents' farm in Chile and I went on his Instagram to see if he had any pictures of it," she took a hiccupping breath, feeling extremely ridiculous with this story. "And I found some old ones... but – but the point is that he's going to go to Chile he'll realise his childhood friend from his village is actually really pretty and funny and since we're trying to... move on," she spat out the words, "he'll think oh maybe I should give it a chance with Paloma and he'll realise he's always been in love with her during these two weeks he'll be isolated from society with her and they'll get into a long-distance relationship and then he'll move to Chile with her and they'll have a dozen babies and live on his family's farm –"
"Lily!" Mary cut her off. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Lily sniffled. Her cheeks went warm. She sounded like a crazy person. She asked Mary to get her cell phone from the floor and showed her the Instagram rabbit hole she'd gone down into.
Lily hadn't thought much of the picture she'd found at first. It was a few years old and a group shot with James, the girl and two other boys. Naturally, Lily had checked the profiles of everyone tagged. The only public one had been the girl's – Paloma's. Lily couldn't quite tell what this girl's connection to James's family was – because she was pretty sure she wasn't related to them – but she did decipher that she and James always spent time together when he was in Chile. He featured quite a few times on her story highlights and they seemed to always be laughing about something or other. Lily had never wished she knew Spanish more than at that moment because she had no fucking idea what they were saying on some clips.
As Lily finished relaying all of this onto Mary, her friend got a strange look on her face.
Mary took Lily by the shoulders and shook her. "What the hell, Lily!"
"Why are you shaking me?"
"Because you're being extremely dumb right now!"
Lily frowned. "Says the girl who wouldn't leave the house for a week when Julian posted a picture with his cousin."
Mary rolled her eyes. "That was very different, Lillian! Because He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named didn't actually want to be with me. James would literally chop off his arm to be with you! You're suffering in a cage of your own making."
Lily's frown deepened. Yeah, technically Mary was right but she wasn't about to admit that. "It was a mutual decision to focus on our professional relationship and not on a romantic one!"
Mary sighed. "Lily. You do realise that if you were together, things would be pretty much exactly the same since you already spend every waking moment together, just with more kissing and shit."
"What if we break up?"
"Are you planning on breaking up with him?"
"No! The whole point of this is that I don't want to lose him!"
"Lily. Aren't you the one who's always saying that it's better to have no career at all than putting up with anyone treating you like shit?"
Mary waited for a response, so Lily nodded.
"Well, it seems to me that you're currently treating yourself like shit, breaking your own heart for the sake of your career."
Lily groaned and hugged her legs to her chest. "Ughhh, Mary."
Mary seemed satisfied with herself. "It seems to me that denying yourself happiness is certainly not worth any medals."
When had Mary become so wise? Shit, that seemed like something that Lily herself would say to one of her friends. Lily chuckled. "Why do I feel like we've switched bodies for a minute there?"
Mary smiled. "See? I've learned a thing or two from your best friend empowerment monologues... and I think you're running out of excuses now."
Lily exhaled sharply. "It's... it's too late now anyway, Mary. I had every chance to change my mind and I didn't. Now he's leaving and... well, I've already told you what's going to happen."
"He's leaving for two weeks, Lily. And he hasn't so much as looked at another girl in years, I doubt he'll start that easily."
Lily shook her head. "I'd feel like an asshole if I changed my mind now."
Mary grinned. "You have a way with words. I'm sure you'll manage." She stood up.
"What are you doing?"
Mary held out her hand. "We're going to go get James back. Before you can change your mind."
"What, right now?"
Mary nodded. "Yeah, we have to catch him before he leaves for Chile! You know full well what's going to happen if he goes, he'll fall for that other skank!"
Lily's mouth dropped open in surprise. "You just told me I was crazy to think that!"
"And now I'm changing my mind. So, we have to catch him!"
"It's late."
"Who cares, Lily? This is in the name of love!" Mary got tired of waiting for Lily to get up and dragged her out of bed.
"No! At least let me change, Mary!" Lily tried to argue.
"No, this I'm-a-mess-without-you look is great, let's go."
So, that's how Lily ended up in the Tube at eleven o'clock at night in sweatpants and an oversized hoodie, trying to do something so that her hair wouldn't look so much like a rat's nest. "This is a terrible idea, Mary."
Mary paid Lily no mind. "It'll be romantic going to catch him before he leaves! And this way you won't be able to talk yourself out of it in a couple of weeks."
"And if I promise I'll do this in two weeks? Because it's going to be so embarrassing for me to just show up to his house like this."
"No, this makes it more genuine! It'll be points in your favour! Have you thought about what you're going to say to him?"
Lily scowled. "Not really."
All too soon, they were arriving at James's house and Lily felt feint. The last time she'd told him how she felt had been just to immediately break his heart afterwards.
Before Lily could stop her, Mary had walked up the front door and rang the doorbell. James's parents seemed obviously quite surprised to see them, but they acted graciously about it. They let them in and Lily was kind of scared to leave Mary with the Potters downstairs but Mrs Potter had quickly told her she could head on up.
James's door was ajar. It was quiet on the other side. She took a few seconds to gather herself. She knocked with shaking hands.
She heard some rustling and then James said something in Spanish that Lily didn't understand. He opened the door, eyebrows going up at finding her at the other side. "Lily. What are you doing here?"
He had on the black-rimmed glasses that he so rarely wore. Lily liked how he looked with them.
She brushed her hair behind her ear. "Um... there was... something I wanted to tell you before you left for Chile."
James nodded. He motioned for her to come in. His room was messy with clothes everywhere. A suitcase open on the floor. He sat on the edge of his bed. "Are you okay?"
Lily frowned. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"
"You just seem kind of... your eyes are red."
"Oh, it's... nothing."
James nodded. "What did you want to tell me then?"
Lily took a deep breath. She had to do this. Now. "After you dropped me off at home... I started feeling... really bad."
James frowned and looked her over as if checking for injuries.
"I... kept thinking about our conversation at the lake earlier and... I realised that I don't really want us to move forward with our lives as exclusively platonic partners."
James paled. He cleared his throat. "You mean... you mean you don't want to skate with me anymore?" He stood up.
Lily's eyes widened. "No! No, that's not what I meant, I'm sorry."
James sighed deeply. "God, Lily, way to give a man a heart attack."
Lily kicked herself mentally. She was not phrasing this right. "What I meant was that... I want to skate with you... but I want more."
James seemed wary. "You... want to be friends with benefits?"
Lily cringed at herself. "No, no. I..." she braced herself. "I feel like a dick for saying this now, after all I've put you through, and I'm sorry and, honestly, I'll get it if you say no but I just had to tell you... that I've changed my mind. I don't want to move on... I want this."
There was a glint in James's eyes and the slightest hint of a smile. "I still don't quite get what is it that you want, Lily."
Lily raised a brow. "I think you know."
"Mm, not quite."
Lily took a breath. She felt calmer now. "I... I want you, James Potter. I want your kisses and your sweet words and I want to make you smile and I want to hold your hand every day."
"But you already hold my hand every day, Lils," James put in.
"Will you let me finish?"
James relented.
"I know that I already hold your hand every day and if it's too late for me now, I'd settle just for that, but... I want you all to myself. I... I'm sorry it took me so long, but I've realised that I was not only hurting you but I was hurting myself by denying you and for what? I know our career will survive because if we break up or we don't, I'll still love you. I'll always love you, and I think that'll be enough. And it's because I love you that I'll stay, when it's hard or when we make mistakes, I promise I'll fight tooth and nail for you. I know that we're young and things might change... but I think I'd rather try and fail than not try at all, because I really do love you, I love you so much it hurts."
Lily felt tears run down her cheeks, but they were very different tears to the ones she'd shed earlier.
James stood there with a serious look on his face. Then he took a few steps forward and crushed his lips onto Lily's. He held her waist in a death grip as he kissed her, Lily felt weak in the knees. It was a desperate kiss, all teeth and tongue and held breath. She pulled away from him. "So... is that your answer?"
He threw his head back laughing. "At this point, I would've thought you had realised I'd do anything you asked me to, Lily Evans. I didn't think it was possible to love another human being this much, but I love you so goddamned much, Lily. I'll be with you for as long as you'll have me, whether it be a month or a year or our whole lives. Hell, you could dump me after you use me to get that Olympic gold and I'd probably thank you."
Lily slapped his arm, not being able to contain a smile. "Don't say that! You can be angry with me for turning you away so many times before, you know."
"Nah. For this, all those nos were one hundred per cent worth it."
"Shut up and kiss me, Potter."
"Not before you tell me what made you change your mind."
Lily looked away embarrassed. She'd almost forgotten about her dumb outburst from earlier. "Well... I was just talking to Mary after..." she sighed, "you'll probably never let this go, but I... semi-stalked a friend of yours from Chile on Instagram and I just started to think about how you'd go to Chile and you'd be trying to forget about me and all the girls there probably wanted you. And that girl was so pretty, even I fell a little in love with her looking at her profile... and it made me really upset and then Mary talked to me and told me this was all my own fault... so, yeah."
James laughed. "You mean my friend Paloma?"
Lily nodded.
"Well, first of all, Lily, it's not that easy to get over you, I thought I had proven that already. Still... I am extremely flattered you were jealous of Paloma, and you're right I'll probably never let this go because I never thought this would happen, I'm actually not entirely sure I'm not dreaming right now. Lastly, my friend Paloma is like a sister to me, that would be gross, not to mention... I kinda don't want to tell you this, but she's very much a lesbian, and I sincerely hope you're not considering leaving me for her right now, Evans."
Lily raised a brow. "Well... maybe just a little bit."
James put his hand over his heart, pretending to be hurt. "Maybe this will change your mind."
Then he kissed her. Hard. Most of the kisses they had shared before had been quite chaste. But not this one. He kissed her like he loved her. He pulled her so close to him it was as if he wanted to meld their bodies together. His hands found their way under her thighs and he lifted her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist. James's mouth was hot on hers, it felt like he was kissing her for all the years he'd waited to do it.
They made their way to the bed and stopped only so Lily could lift James's shirt over his head. His abs were glorious as always but this was the first time Lily let herself just look unabashedly. She ran her hands down his tanned chest, heart racing. Then she made a split-second decision and removed her own shirt.
James was clearly caught off guard, but he smiled at her. "You... are so fucking beautiful, Lily Evans."
She giggled and pulled him down to her. His hands on her bare torso made her feel like she was about to burst into flames. She flipped them over so she could lay on top of him, with his body between her legs. James's kiss started travelling down her neck when there was a loud knock on the door.
They froze in place. Lily got off him and searched for her shirt.
"Guys! I don't think I can stall James's parents much longer!"
It was Mary. Lily exhaled in relief.
She put her shirt on.
"Is that... Mary?" James asked.
Lily was still breathing a little heavily. "Oh, yeah, she's here."
"Tell her to stall longer, whatever she has to do."
Lily smiled and went to the door.
Mary grinned at Lily's dishevelled state. "I think Mrs Potter wants to get him to finish packing. It's past midnight, I didn't think James would last that long."
Lily's eyes widened when she realised what her friend meant. "Mary!"
Mary shrugged. "Well, what have you been doing in there for almost an hour?"
"We... talked for a while, but we didn't..."
"Well, if it's not happening tonight we should get going soon. Partly because Mrs Potter is very close to coming up here to stop you from defiling her baby and partly because I need you to tell me literally everything right now."
"Yeah, yeah. I'll be right down."
Lily walked back into the room. James was where she'd left him but his eyes were closed. He'd fallen asleep. Lily couldn't help but smile. He looked so peaceful, she wouldn't mind waking up next to that every day.
She went to grab her shoes but the movement awoke James.
"Oh god, Lily! I'm sorry," he rubbed his eyes. "Sirius took me on this extreme workout earlier so I'd stop moping about you, or at least that's what he said. So, I'm a little tired."
She sat at the edge of the bed. "It's okay. I should leave or my parents will worry."
James nodded. "I can take you guys home."
"It's okay, Melanie said she'd come get us."
"Alright." He took her hand.
"I'll see you in a couple of weeks. Have a safe trip."
He smiled. "I kind of don't want to leave now."
"We'll have all the time in the world when you get back."
He grinned. "It's going to be a fun off-season. C'mere."
He pulled her down to him and gave her one last long, sweet kiss. Not in a hurry this time, not desperate or sad; just a honey-sweet kiss, it felt like the first of many. After all, they had all the time in the world.