Sunday morning came as a relief, the clean smell of the previous night's rain persisted in the cooling fog that hung in the air.
Bucky emerged from his room looking distinctly ruffled, as though he'd spent the night pulling his hair in every possible direction. His eyes were red and swollen, jaw screwed painfully tight. Still, he felt a smile lifting the corners of his mouth when he entered the kitchen to the comforting domesticity of Steve flipping pancakes and Shay setting the table.
"Mornin' Buck." Steve grinned. He had always been an agonizingly cheerful morning person.
"Blueberry pancakes?" Shay asked.
After a week of seeing every terrible piece of evidence against the winter soldier, these two still lit up when they saw him. Like he made the world brighter for them. As though his hands hadn't done those horrific things.
"What did I ever do to deserve you two?" Words he hadn't meant to say aloud making Steve and Shay pause for a breathless moment.
"I'll take that as a yes to pancakes?" Shay laughed easily, and the mood lightened, easing his sudden anxiety.
he and Steve had each demolished a dozen each and were teasing Shay about only having two "How can you not love pancakes?" when they were interrupted by a light bark. Though Pippin's tone was a friendly alert to expect company, not the hostile warning for strangers, Shay nevertheless rose swiftly and looked out the window, her right hand grasping the hilt of the dagger strapped across the small of her back.
Five children waited on the driveway, keeping a respectful distance from the grey wolf who guarded the front porch.
"Auntie!" Janda waved at her, bouncing on the toes of her feet at the back of the group. "We came to see Mr. White Wolf."
Shay released the knife, allowing the loose material of her top to conceal its shape as she opened the door. A subtle hand signal had Pippin stalking away to patrol the perimeter.
Bucky followed her out, marveling at her ability to shift from defensive to welcoming so quickly. He had more difficulty summoning enthusiasm for the kids. Happy to see them, yeah, but there was another voice in his head telling him he didn't deserve their friendship.
Never assume the voice in your head is telling the truth. Ena's calm voice cut across the cruel thoughts swirling in his mind, an echo of the hours he'd spent in therapy.
"Mr. Wolf! We wanted to go with you to check on the goats!"
Iwa's white toothed grin was blinding and Bucky shook his head to clear away the jumble in his mind.
"How many times have I told you to call me Bucky, Iwa?"
"Only a thousand times!" Another of the girls piped up and the gaggle dissolved into giggles.
"Alright, alright," Bucky pretended annoyance but his frown didn't smooth away the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. "I'll take you to see the goats."
Woops and cheers answered.
"Will you come too Auntie Sh'rice?" Janda asked, pleading and giving her an irresistible puppy-eyed look.
"I've got to help Steve-" Shay started.
"Go," Steve said, waving her off. "I can handle a few dishes on my own."
Shay couldn't argue with the significant expression he gave her, crossing his arms and looking from her to the kids. "Just give me a second to grab my shoes."
Returning to her room quickly, Shay pulled on the runners Tony had designed for her.
The rubber treads were nearly smooth and threads escaped from front edge of the toe but the curved carbon fibre spring that cushioned her steps still had plenty of bounce left in it. A new pair sat in the bag under the bed, next to a small supply of weapons a medical kit and a change of clothes. An extra ID and a few visa gift cards filled the thin backup wallet she slipped into the holster on her calf next to the taser.
Steve filled the frame of her door, leaning and crossing his arms with that gently disapproving frown.
"Yeah, I know. It's just kids and goats. What could possibly go wrong." Shay quipped dryly as she tugged the pant leg back down.
"I'm not judging you."
"I would, if I were you."
Her tone was bitter and Steve ran a hand through his hair with a sigh. "If that what it takes for you to feel safe, I won't fight you on it. But if you're getting paranoid again, I need you to tell me."
"It's not paranoid if someone's actually after you." Shay rolled her eyes at him.
"You know what I mean Shay." He countered, unmoving. "They want to put you on the stand after me, but if you're relapsing… I won't risk it."
Hard sharp words pooled on her tongue but she swallowed them in the face of the worry that Steve was radiating. He knew her better than almost anyone, and though it didn't feel fair, she understood the responsibility he carried.
"I'm okay, I think. And I will tell you if I notice it getting worse."
He raised his eyebrows and Shay huffed at him, annoyed with his silent questions.
"And, I'll call Sam, tonight. But right now, I've got some goats to see."
Steve finally moved out of the door and Shay passed him, letting her hand rest on his arm for just long enough to reassure him. I'll be ok.
Baby goats were adorable, the children giggled and chased them only to have more kids bleating and chasing them in turn. Bucky stood watching them frolic with a soft smile on his face, Shay sat against the trunk of the big shade tree at his side sharing the view. The smallest blond baby goat came over to them and without warning head-butted Bucky in the shin.
"Yeah, yeah, here you go punk." Bucky pulled a treat from his pocket and the goat half climbed his leg trying to reach it. "Slow down little Steve or you'll choke."
Treat quickly dispatched the big blue eyes turned to Shay and she got a hand on the little forehead before he got any ideas about her shins, or- given the way those lips were moving, her hair might be considered quite a snack. "Take after your name don't you little Steve." She said as the thin legs strained, trying to push past her hand, eager to nibble anything he could reach.
Bucky laughed lightly and handed her a small green cube, "give him this and he might just leave you in peace."
Peace didn't come quickly to the hyper little thing, but he did at least quit headbutting everything in sight. Bucky stopped his attempts to sneak around the tree and take a bite of the brown curls he was trying so hard to taste.
Kids and kids playing in the morning sun, the whole green earth laid out before them.
"I can see why you like it here."
Bucky hummed an acknowledgement of her words and wrestled little Steve away from chewing on Shay's shoe with his metal hand. Finally tired the small blond goat gave in and let himself be held. The little golden head nestling against the metal forearm, eyelids at half-mast.
Shay pulled her phone from her pocket and snapped a surreptitious picture. The soft chime alerted Bucky to her endeavour.
"Sam can never see that." Bucky said gruffly, setting the goat back down gently and patting its head as he glared at Shay's phone.
"No," Shay looked from him to the photo, a smile softening her features. She spoke as though to herself alone, "no, this one's just for me."