Chapter 25: The Uncles
November 15, 1993
"Hey, looks like Dad is back at Hogwarts," said Liana, jogging up to Harry in the hallway. "Did you see his letter?" She waved an envelope in the air.
"Yeah, I got it too." Harry held up the envelope. "Why would they want to talk to us, though?"
"To apologize, maybe. Dear kids, we're so sorry for making this awkward for you, but I- and then Dad will interrupt Mom, and then they'll-"
"They've been acting so… polite towards each other lately," Harry mumbled. "It's weird."
"Sappy, yes," Liana agreed.
The two of them entered their mom's private quarters, where she and James were sitting a respectful distance from each other, not at all close like they used to be. That was… weird.
"Hi, kids," Lily said.
"Hey." James smiled at them.
"We have to apologize for what we've put you through in the past few days," Lily said. "With us…"
"Arguing," filled in Liana. She had no tact sometimes.
"Yes." Lily shot her daughter a look. "And we made it so awkward for you two. We're sorry."
"Er, it's okay," said Harry, shifting uncomfortably on the couch. "We don't mind."
"Speak for yourself," muttered Liana, low enough that only Harry could hear.
It was odd. The two siblings had formed some sort of treaty, some sort of truce or pact. Some bond that was there, but they hadn't addressed it. But it was kind of strange. They hadn't argued horribly like they had used to. Interesting.
"Yeah, well, we don't care," Harry said loudly.
"No, but we do," James said. "We put you through that. But you won't have to do that again, as your mother here apologized." James smiled a little bit, some of his old nature returning. "And she's coming to all my Quidditch games, going to let me steal all her candy, going to let me do whatever I want-"
"Shut up," muttered Lily. Harry exchanged an exasperated look with Liana. No matter how they tried, their parents weren't going to change.
"Just joking." James held up his hands. "You don't have to murder me over this."
Harry smirked. Liana rolled her eyes. But Harry was kind of glad that his parents weren't fighting anymore. But it was horribly awkward… and slightly sappy.
"Oh, Merlin," grumbled Liana quietly. She crossed her arms, blowing a strand of her hair out of her face. She was wearing a black leather jacket and leopard-print pants. Her thick black boots had shoelaces that had been left loose. She was wearing a brown buckle belt, and her hair was wavy. Jeez, the girl had become a punk. "Can we go, Mum? Dad?"
"Yeah, of course," James said, kicking his feet out. "Just remember, we're always here for you."
Liana cringed and she left the room. James and Lily both turned to Harry, clearly wanting private time.
"You have anything you want to say?" Lily asked him.
"Er, no." Harry darted after Liana, and they backed into the empty classroom opposite the room.
"Gross," grumbled Liana.
"Did they have to do that?" agreed Harry.
"Oh!" came a voice from behind them. They whipped around to see Ron leaning against the window, nodding sagely with a wise look on his face. "My parents do that all the time."
"They do?" asked Liana.
"How did you get in here?" spluttered Harry.
"I was here first!" he cried, crossing his arms over his chest defiantly.
"Wait," Liana said. "Your parents do this all the time?"
"Oh, yes," he said. "Whenever Dad does something stupid like smuggling a Muggle thing into the house, Mom yells at him and they fight. Then they make up after a few days. They'll be very, very, polite for a while, help each other out, talk respectfully to each other, be like really sappy, and then-"
"For how long?" Harry asked.
"Weeks."
"Weeks?" Harry and Liana repeated, horrified.
"Yeah. Anyway, the make-up scene was probably a bunch of kissing all over the place, hugs, tears, I wouldn't be surprised if the room got flooded. My parents do that, anyway. They didn't notice when Fred and George put beetles in their soup."
"Oh." Liana frowned, then turned to Harry. "Speaking of those two, are you doing the prank thing?"
"You bet I am." Harry grinned. "You?"
"Yep. I swear my team will crush yours to bits."
He laughed. "Good luck with that, little sis."
She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I'm not your little sis."
Ron turned to the two of them. "Do you need any more advice?"
"No. Thanks, Ron," Harry replied. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Neither do I," mumbled Ron. "I'll be off. See you."
He strode out of the room, banging the door with a loud slam, leaving a very shocked Harry and Liana behind.
"Everyone, gather round for the first Hogwarts prank war!" yelled Fred, his voice magically magnified.
The Hall erupted in cheers, clapping, and everyone started screaming and throwing their hats all over the place, whooping. The only non-whooping person was Percy, who was leaning against the wall in the corner, clearly trying not to be seen.
"Now, I'm sure you know the rules, but we'll go over them once more," George said. "We all split into four teams." He held up four fingers one-by-one, and laughs rippled through the crowd. "We have a list of thirty pranks. Whichever team does the prank first gets a point. The team with the most points wins."
"Now, you might be wondering what the pranks are like," Fred jumped in. "They're mostly played on teachers or they disrupt classes."
"We'll be showing you the prank list in just a few moments," George informed them.
"Some pranks, everyone on the team has to do. Other pranks, only one person on the team has to do."
"Your teams will all have team names too," George said. "We'll also be telling you your teams right… now."
Fred cleared his throat. "Team one: Harry Potter, Cho Chang, Percy Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Padma Patil, Susan Bones, Terry Boot, Roger Davies, Penelope Clearwater, Vincent Crabbe, Melinda Pace, Stuart Bromden, Jacques Labelle. Any questions on that team, if you're in it? No? Okay. Team one, go stand on the very left."
Most of the students on the left scrambled away to make room, but a few stayed as they were part of team one. Ginny cast Harry a look, Harry cast Cho a look, and Cho's eyes were closed.
"You guys come up with a team name," George said. "Team two. Liana Potter, Allesia-"
"Sia," interrupted the first-year.
"Sorry. Sia Channing, Ron Weasley, Oliver Wood, Colin Creevey, Parvati Patil, Angelina Johnson," - George didn't miss the look Fred gave her - "Alicia Spinnet, Lavender Brown, Justin Finch-Fletchley, Ernie Macmillan, Ajit Sippy, and Carlos Ayala. Questions? Perfect, go stand next to team one and decide your team name."
"Team three," announced Fred. "Cedric Diggory," - blimey, he got a lot of glances - "Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, Valentina Bellegrade, Dean Thomas, Neville Longbottom, Hannah Abbott, Aliya Mehra, Gregory Goyle, Irwin Stevenson, Jonathan Morgan, Mei Wang, and Svetlana Ivanov. Questions? No? Stand over to the right of team two and choose a team name."
There was shuffling as people made their way over to their respective locations.
"Finally," declared George. "There's really no need to recite the names, but just for formality, here we are. Candice Weber, Kylie Johnson, Selena Harris, Luna Lovegood, Seamus Finnigan, Marietta Edgecombe, Katie Bell, Pansy Parkinson, Ella Bouvreal, Demelza Robins, Marie Larson, Ella Bouvreal, and Ana Lopez." No one missed how Seamus dragged his feet unenthusiastically to join a group of girls. Fred and George waited for the groups to assemble before Fred spoke again.
"Team name, team one?"
"The Uncles," Ginny said brightly.
George coughed. "The what?"
"The Uncles."
Fred hid his snigger. "Very… unique. Team two."
"The Popping Apples!"
"What?"
"The Popping Apples!"
George opened his mouth and then closed it like a fish. "Popping Apples?"
"Oh, yes. Would you like to hear our reasoning for choosing it?"
"No, thank you, I enjoy living," Fred replied. "Team three."
"The Notorious Watermelons," said Neville, whimpering. "I like the name very much."
"Good for you," muttered George. "Lastly, team four."
"The Dazzling Divas!" sang one of the Ellas. All the other girls in the team did a twirl before leaping in the air, landing gracefully on their knees. Seamus grumbled something incoherent and backed up against the wall.
"Pranks," Fred announced. "
1. Smear a corridor with chocolate.
2. Steal a teacher's wand.
3. Make McGonagall's robes pink.
4. Make Dumbledore's beard khaki yellow.
5. Set chickens loose in Hogwarts.
6. Put applesauce in Flitwick's hair.
7. Slip a frog eyeball in Snape's shoe.
8. Set up happy birthday celebrations, confettis, balloons, and streamers in the Charms classroom before class starts.
9. Paint the Broomsticks bright pink.
10. Dump a vat of Swelling Solution on a random person who turns the corridor.
11. Touch the Giant Squid .
12. Send a love letter to Snape and sign your name at the bottom.
13. The entire team wears a bright shade of pink on a school day.
14. Inquire Trelawney about her love life.
15. Sneak into McGonagall's quarters at night and cover it in smiley-faces.
16. Speak in gibberish the entire day, especially when teachers call on you!
17. Ask Lupin out on a date in the middle of class.
18. Jinx someone on your team so that they answer 'Dumbledore's pants!' to any question they're asked for the rest of the day (including classes!)
19. Get three teachers to show their socks to you.
20. Conjure a water slide down the Grand Staircase with running water.
21. Sing nursery rhymes in Potions (at least three people on team).
22. Break dance on your table at the Great Hall at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
23. Complain to a teacher about the menu that day (everyone on the team).
24. Meow for an entire day in Transfiguration (everyone on the team).
25. Make bug noises during every single one of your classes and shout things like "DARN YOU BUG I'M GOING TO GET YOU!"
26. Blow up a classroom and say "I didn't do it!"
27. Slip a spider up McGonagall's pants.
28. Show up to class in clown attire and keep on a very straight face, acting like everything is normal.
29. Call your teacher by a nickname all day.
30. Transfigure Mrs. Norris to look like a dog and dress her up in frilly pink bow ties."
Fred took a deep breath, before asking, "Any questions?"
"Ooh, I can't wait!" someone called out.
"Are we really making Dumbledore's beard khaki yellow?"
"What's the guarantee we won't get in trouble?"
Someone whistled.
"Yes, we are making his beard yellow, and you won't get in trouble. We're the organizers, we'll get in trouble. And we won't."
"Anything else?"
Nobody said anything.
"All right. The war… starts… now!" George cried. "May the best team win."
On Saturdays, Tonks liked to sleep in.
After a whole grueling week at the Auror Office, training to become an official Auror, all those nights holed up in her study, reading through study material and filling out practice worksheets, training for her exams (which were coming up soon!) and just doing so much work, she really deserved her sleep.
Now she was making herself some breakfast. Her hair was tomato-red with black highlights. She'd changed into a pair of shorts and a grey, extremely loose sweatshirt (who cared if it was a sweatshirt and shorts? It was cozy and that's all she cared about), and was mixing together some cereal for herself when the doorbell rang.
Tonks yawned. It was probably just the milkman or a neighbor. She flicked open the door. "Hello?" She stopped when she saw who it was. It was Remus, wearing a coffee-brown pullover sweater and thick jeans. He was dressed more appropriately for the weather than she was. She suddenly became conscious of her red hair and the baggy sweater. "Oh. Hi, Remus."
"Hey."
Tonks looked over at the gently falling snow, and then the thick coat of snow over her lawn. "Come on in, it must be cold."
He glanced at her bare legs. "I could say the same thing for you."
"Yeah, well," she laughed. She opened the door wide and he walked in. "Did you need anything in particular, or did you just want to see me?"
"I just wanted to see your bright smile and listen to your lovely voice," he said, looking around the house. "Nice place."
"Thanks." Then Tonks frowned. "How did you know my address?"
He nudged her playfully. "It's the same address that my owls deliver to you when I send you a letter."
"Right." Tonks laughed.
His eyes widened when he saw the kitchen. "Was I interrupting you from your breakfast?"
Tonks followed his gaze. She'd completely forgotten about breakfast when he'd arrived. "Of course not. I was just about to have breakfast, but-"
"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I didn't know. I'll leave, then."
"No!" Tonks grabbed his arm. "Seriously, there's no need."
"Okay," he said, grinning.
"Thanks," said Tonks, leaning back.
"But what about your breakfast? I can't starve you," Remus said.
"Did you have breakfast?"
"Nope."
"Then I'll make you some," offered Tonks. "No, no, don't refuse. Think of it as a favor to me."
Remus smiled. "Is it a favor to you?"
"Yep," she replied. "So... what do you want?" she asked as she headed into the kitchen. "Er, donuts? Muffins? Bagels? Toast?" She opened her pantry door. "I ran out of pancakes yesterday, but I've got waffle mix. I think I have a little whipped cream left… Aw, I only have a little. You can't possibly have any waffles without whipped cream." She opened a cupboard. "Cereal, of course, is an option… I've got Cheeri-owls, Fruit Sickles… I have granola mix, too, if you'd like. There's always plenty of milk. And I've got plenty of fruit. So if you want a smoothie or anything, I can get you that. Or of course, there's always yogurt." She turned to face Remus. "If you don't like any of those, I can get something else for you."
"Whatever's easiest for you," he replied, looking indifferent.
"Oh come on, you have to have a preference." She raised an eyebrow.
"I don't want to strain you," he explained.
"Serious- Remus, nothing's going to strain me. Now what would you like?"
"I'll take an apple."
She gaped at him. "Apple pie?"
"No, like…" Remus picked up an apple.
"This is why you're so skinny!" She frowned. "Remus, you have to eat more."
Remus frowned, looking at the apple in his hand, then back at Tonks. "Tonks… this is enough. I've been living like this for a long time. Since I was a kid."
"Yes, but you need to eat more," Tonks repeated. "You don't need a diet."
"It's not a diet," Remus said, taking her hands in his. "Trust me, Tonks, I know what I'm doing. You finish your breakfast. You take what you want. I will have an apple."
"As long as you take yogurt with it," Tonks compromised. "I'm not letting you starve in my house."
He smiled at her. "You're the boss."
She leaned against his side, playing with the corners of his sweater. "Thanks, Remus. I just care about you."
"I know," he responded, rubbing her arm.
Tonks didn't doubt that one bit.
A/N: And the prank war is set to begin! Stay tuned for a whole bunch of chaos! Thanks to all our wonderful reviewers! :D