Author's note: Hello all, I've written this author's note to basically iron out my update schedule and why I haven't uploaded anything.

To be honest, this project, and another one I've written, are just side-projects. This is cause I have a main project(original work) that takes up most of my free time. This, along with going back to school, gives me almost no time to focus on this one.

So, to be clear, this project will probably be updated every two weeks(this is the max time. I normally upload earlier, maybe a week or something.)

If you want to read my original story(don't. It's bad but I'm too far gone to stop), it's on royalroad by the name of "The Book of Fate", it updates every three days.

(P.S. This chapter probably sucks, but school is sucking the life outta me. The next chapter, I'll be back to normal I promise)

Anyways, let's get right into the chapter: please enjoy, and Ajax… out!

Alcohol was never Naruto's thing. There wasn't anything inherently wrong with the beverage in it of itself, he just had an aversion to it ever since he was a snot-nosed brat. But after being told it was either that or coffee, he sucked it up and drank.

"Bleurgh..." He groaned after setting the stein down, half-full. At least it wasn't coffee; the last time he drank any of the stuff, he got really cranky and accidentally destroyed a few mountains...

"Nothing like a cup of hard liquor in the mornin', eh Naruto?" The intrusion of a certain half-naked asshole broke him out of his reverie, forcing him to look up from his cheap whisky and answer.

"Yeah, well if it's been two years of the same damn drink going down my gullet, it doesn't become 'nothing' anymore, now does it?" He took a final swig before setting the empty container on the table with a hard thud, obviously sullen.

"Shit, two years come and gone already?"

He shrugged, "Yup. Two years since that straw-hat bastard left me high and dry after makin' me join his crew,"

"Hey! Nobody gets to talk smack to my bro but me!" The asshole pouted, banging his bare chest with one hand.

"Yeah, whatever. You monkeys are so territorial..."

"Me? A monkey?! I'll have you know I'm a proud Portgas! Portgas D. Ace! Most wanted man alive!" The asshole— sorry, Ace, shouted at the top of his lungs, alerting almost everyone else in the bar(which were one or two bozos getting ready to leave and an old man reading the newspaper).

'By virtue of your dead(literally...) beat dad,' Naruto rolled his eyes and thought silently to himself.

"Yup! Ace is in the house! I'm way better than you and your—"

"Keep it down, boy!" Suddenly, from the countertop came a woman, her thin arms were crossed over each other and a light frown marred her near-sculpture-like face as she scolded him.

"A-Ah... yes Miss Shakky,"

The lady carried a presence about her. Like she held some type of authority no one else did, and that she wasn't the least bit afraid to show it, even towards the quote-un-quote "most wanted man alive". It also didn't help things when this Miss Shakky had drop-dead gorgeous looks rivalling models and actresses back in the elemental nations...

Once peace and quiet returned to the establishment, and Ace was seated back down next to him, Naruto began.

"So, what are you doin' here? Shouldn't you be on the Moby Dick? Being the most wanted man alive has its detriments too,"

All he got in response, though, was a light scoff.

But it was answer enough for him. The boy was probably deemed strong enough by Whitebeard and was subsequently allowed off the ship and was just sulking he had to have permission to go anywhere.

"Still," Naruto smiled, "It's been a while Ace, how's Whitebeard?"

Now it caught some attention, and like a puppy dog, Ace was cheerful again.

"Hehehe," He rubbed the underside of his nose, "Pops is doing great! Two years is nothing for my old man!"

Figures, Naruto thought. The last time he was on the Moby Dick, Whitebeard was certainly doing a lot better than during their time together at Marineford…

-Creak!-

A noticeable squeak rang from the entrance of the bar, capturing everyone's focus from Ace to the bar's swinging doors:

Swaggering in with a pep in his step was a tall blonde man, he sported a comfortable silk-black suit, similarly black shoes and a comically large backpack that was the bane of all its more ergonomic counterparts. For a moment, their eyes met, but if the blond man recognized him, he definitely didn't show it. Instead, he brushed Naruto off in favour of the more important people in the room.

"Yo!" He scooted up next to Ace, "Haven't seen you in a while. How are ya?"

"Oh, I'm doin' just fine, Sanji! Hehe… but did Momoiro Island change your tastes in your two years there?"

The blonde man— Sanji, instantly paled, and the unlit cigarette fell out of his mouth from shock.

"Y-Y-You… You kneeeeeeew?!"

Everyone snickered like it was an open secret, which seemed to depress the man so heavily a little ghost flew out of his body. Again, another round of laughter populated the small bar.

'This is the resident pervert in the crew, eh? Hehehe, I'm gonna have some fun later...' Naruto sniggered inwardly, a mischievous glint in his eyes...

"So this guy's my cook, huh? I'm not impressed," Out of the blue, Naruto commented as the ruckus died down, allowing everyone to hear him—

"Huh?! The fuck you just say?"

...Including Sanji.

He stomped over to Naruto, his face a shade of tomato red from rage. But he just turned to look at him, no emotion discernible on his face.

"Wanna run that by me again, bastard?" He poked at Naruto's chest, which to his surprise, was pliant and soft. Almost like a…

"Nyaa~! How could you touch a woman there, meanie!" In the blink of an eye, the clearly male Naruto, had suddenly turned into a beauteous

belle! Everyone except Ace was struck dumb at the sudden transformation, least of all Sanji, who looked like he was going to cross into the next life early...

"A-A-A-Ah..." He took a step back, his heart pounding in his chest while he willed himself not to bleed from the nose.

He failed.

"What do you have to say for yourself, you big bully!" Naruto(?) stood up and screamed in righteous fury, his(?) arms splayed out in akimbo fashion.

"L-L-Lovely S-S-Swan..." Naruto raised an eyebrow, he'd heard the cook was a pervert, but wasn't this a bit much? How was he supposed to have any fun if the ass was such a shameless hentai...

"Che! Even Jiraiya sensei wasn't this bad…" He grumbled before cancelling his Jutsu.

-Poof!-

After a burst of smoke, he was back to his original form.

Which, apparently, was unacceptable for the perverted cook, "W-W-Wha?! What did you do to the beautiful lady Bastard!"

"Hahaha! You— kekeke— you actually fell for it! Ohmahgod this is hilarious!" In the background, Ace was busting his ass off laughing.

Sanji swivelled around to glare at him, "What the hell is going on!? Tell me what happened ya bastard!"

Slapping himself lightly on the cheeks, he forced himself to calm down before answering, "Pfft… hoo hoo… deep breaths… There was no woman! Hahahaha! Seems like Momoiro Island did change your tastes after all!"

With the cat out of the bag, Sanji was fuming at that bastard. Turning around, he swore to himself he was going to beat the shit outta… Wait! The guy was already gone!

"Oi! Where the hell did he go?!" He searched frantically around the bar, but even after using his haki, he couldn't locate him.

Ace patted his shoulder, "Sit down and relax man! He's long gone!"

Sanji bit his lips, eyes travelling to the door. But after a moment's thought, he sighed and complied, "Who was that guy anyway?" He lay tiredly on the table, taking out a cigarette.

Both Ace and Shakky were startled, and even Rayleigh, who was glued to the papers, looked up in surprise.

"You don't know him?" Shakky leaned on the counter, her left hand holding up her chin as she played with a lighter using her right.

"Should I?" He countered.

It was Ace who answered:

"As far as your captain's concerned, he's a part of you Strawhats," He smiled sheepishly, "Well, that was two years ago. Not sure if he's changed his mind since then, so maybe take my words with a grain o' salt,"

However, Sanji just scoffed, "Hah, then you don't know my captain well enough. Nothing'll change his mind. Nothing,"

There was a short reprieve of silence after that. But Sanji just couldn't get the blonde fellow out of his mind. Something bugged him about the guy; like he knew who he was but at the same time he's never met him in his entire life.

Eventually, he got rid of his inhibitions and asked outright, "What's his name? That weird guy,"

"His name?" Rayleigh folded his paper and adjusted his glasses before smiling.

"Naruto Uzumaki,"

"""...The False Sage..."""