"Dum di da dum di dum. Wonder what's in the market today..." Wandering around the bustling trade district of dock fifteen, Naruto idly window-shopped while he waited.

Waited for what? Well...

-Boom!-

-Kapow!-

-Wazaam!-

He smiled, 'Heh, they're certainly early,' before craning his head to look at all the ruckus.

From afar, he spotted the faint silhouette of a ship, a giant fox's head installed prominently as the figurehead of the vessel. It was an impressive thing, the ship, a giant galleon meant for hundreds of people, but Naruto could care less, no, what he focused on was the fact that the damn thing was split in half! As in, two clean pieces separated from each other!

"At least the swordsman's less underwhelming than that pervert," Naruto tsked when he recalled his earlier altercation with the blond chef. Seriously, falling for a trick that by-the-books-basic is just completely unacceptable!

As he ruminated to himself, he didn't realize where he was going until it was far, far too late...

"Oi! I finally found you! Why the fuck didn't you tell me you're the False-bloody-Sage, huh!?" The familiar yell of a certain chef broke him out of his reverie.

'Shit, I wanted it to be a surprise,' He looked up, fully expecting the twirly-eyebrowed ass dashing for him, only to be met with this:

"—Stupid mosshead! He's the False Sage, and he's one of us! You can't just go up to him and figh—"

"I don't give a damn. I wanna test my skills! Don't get in the way, eyebrows!"

Two men, one in a shiny black suit and the other in a heavily modified overcoat, were butting heads(literally) in the middle of the street. The suited man— Sanji, had his foot against the other's shoulder while he had a sword placed under his chin.

They made for a strange sight, so much so they began drawing the attention of passersby left and right.

"Mama! What are those strange men doing? Do they like each other? T-That's why they're kissing right?" A young girl, maybe a bit over six years old, tugged at her mother's dress and pointed at the pair.

"A-Ah… yes, child! They like each other very much! S-So let's give them some space and move along now, 'kay?" And like a sensible mother, the woman lied as naturally as she breathed before escaping, her confused daughter in tow…

Sanji and 'Mosshead' seemed to have heard the mother-daughter talk, and looked as red as a cherry, with both of them shouting at the pair who were already out of earshot, ""We are not lovers, dammit!""

Pause, ""And why the fuck are you repeating after me, huh?!""

Comedic pause, ""No I didn't!""

""What?!""

Cue audience laughter, ""Yes you did!"" Laugh or I'll kill off your favourite character.

"Enough, the both of you," Naruto stepped in, because the alternative was to risk creating a universal paradox that would last until the end of ti… wait, where was he? Right! Naruto looked askance at the green-haired man, as if to ask him a question with his eyes.

"Now, you said something about wanting to test your skills?" The man smiled, and Naruto returned the gesture.

"I'm Naruto, but you probably already knew that. On the other hand, who could you be?"

Unsheathing his third sword and placing it in the clamps of his jaw, he declared, "I am Roronoa Zoro! First mate of the Strawhat Pirates. I challenge you to a duel, do you accept?" Before leaning forward into a silly-looking sword stance(but considering he has a sword in his mouth, though, this was pretty tame).

"Hehe, nice to meetcha Zoro!" Naruto clapped his hands together and grinned genially, "In response to your offer, I must respond with….No,"

'Shocked reactions in three… two… on—'

"W-What the hell did you just say?!"

"Damn, I think I like you a tiny bit more now, False Sage!"

All according to keikaku, their faces lit up in surprise as their jaws hit the ground with a resounding thud.

"Oi! Stop joking around! What the hell do you mean no?!" Zoro pointed at Naruto's face, his face scrunched up in barely curbed anger.

"'Means I won't fight, simple as that. I was just playing with you, so get over it," He shrugged, not particularly eager to distress over if the green-haired swordsman was butthurt or not.

Letting out a frustrated huff, Zoro finally relaxed. Putting away his swords and leaving without another word, no doubt heavily irritated by Naruto's tomfoolery. Regretfully, before he could go anywhere meaningful, a high-pitched complaint stopped him dead in his tracks.

"And what are you guys up to, hmm? I could hear you guys bickering from districts away!" Everyone gulped(Naruto didn't, but who's counting?), and with a flick of their necks, they all zoned in on the lady in question:

"H-Heeey... f-funny seeing you here, eh?" Sanji, perverted he may be, was not an idiot and knew when to shut up and run if the situation called for it. And right now, with the she-lion standing in front of them, there was never a better time to do exactly that.

She was a fair woman, sporting long and flamboyant orange hair flowing down to her neck, large teardrop-shaped eyes, a cute little nose and succulent, bee-stung lips. Then, maybe just to spite normal people who wear normal clothes, or kill perverts from blood loss, she relied on nothing but a tropical green bra and tight-fitting jeans that clung desperately onto her prodigious curves to cover her up.

"Honestly! Can't you guys behave?! I swear it's like you haven't changed at all from two years ago..." She snorted and continued grilling, "Always arguing and never—" Only to cut it short when her eyes flicked past Naruto's visage.

"A-A-Ah b-b-b-b-ba-ba... f-f-f-false s-s-s-sage…?!" Her teeth clattered against themselves in fear as she tried to articulate her thoughts, her eyes practically spinning unto itself trying to both avoid his gaze and meet it.

Naruto nodded at her and waved his hand nonchalantly.

"Yo," Was all he said before his gaze focused on something else, like he didn't even notice her almost collapsing onto the floor and fainting from his small gesture.

It was almost a relief: to know someone so powerful didn't care enough about you to pay any attention, but at the same time it was also irritating to know you're so unimportant they can just gloss over you without a second thought. And while Nami felt a certain amount of annoyance as well, her rational side trumped over it by a fair margin.

"Sanji. Zoro. Group huddle." By her tone, it wasn't a request, "NOW!" It was a demand.

There was a moment's hesitation, but after another piercing glare, they complied.

She took a deep breath and began, the pace at which she spoke accelerating as she started to panic more and more, "It's good you could make this huddle... I would like to preface this with… Why the hell is he here?! Did you get in trouble with him?! What does he want—"

"Calm down," Zoro snapped, "He's not an enemy, just a cowardly pest,"

"How do you know that?! For all we know he could be pretending to be 'cowardly'! People like him are never what they seem on the surface…" And she was right, to a degree. Powerful people are seldom normal, but not all of them were psycho murderers hidden in plain sight…

"She's right you know, I could just be waiting till all of you gather before slaughtering you in one fell swoop," Naruto commented offhandedly, but the easy smile he slid into right after reassured them he was merely joking… maybe… probably… hopefully?

In any case, Nami couldn't help but slacken her tense shoulders, since if the scary strong man was joking even when they were discussing how he wasn't trustworthy enough, it was a pretty clear sign he could be trusted. However, before she could apologize, she was interrupted:

"My, my, how intriguing it is to find the Sage here of all places," The newcomer revealed a light titter of laughter, her voice bell-like and reminding him of the pitter-patter of a light drizzle.

Twirling to face her, Naruto was pleasantly surprised to see her.

"So you've come back from Dragon. Always figured you'd stay and fight for the cause," Naruto smirked as he quickly sized her up.

She dressed confidently in a blue leather short-cut jacket that showed off a generous portion of her midriff and cleavage, a light pink fringe dress that came down to her ankles and red low-heel shoes that further accentuated her dainty feet. All in all, she was a fine woman, and she was Nico Robin.

Again, her bell-like laughter rang across the whole bazaar before her silky smooth voice addressed him, "So, to what does my crew owe the pleasure, Naruto Uzumaki?"