A/N: Christmas time is here (at least at Hogwarts!), and that means difficult choices to make! Huge thanks to everyone who is reading, following, favoriting and reviewing this story! ON ANOTHER NOTE, did you guys see the new trailer for Crimes of Grindelwald? I'm not going to spoil it for you, but if you haven't seen it yet, go watch it asap (after you read this chapter, of course). Enjoy!
They left the following morning – most of them. Aurelia was one of the few students remaining at Hogwarts for the holidays. One amongst the few who didn't have families to go home to, or those who would rather spend Christmas alone than being with their families. After that, the days just passed, and she barely took notice of it. Thankfully, she was the only one left in her dorm, and while the silence was suffocating, having her own room would come in handy over the next couple of weeks. Keeping a pregnancy secret from four dorm mates had been difficult enough, but hiding the effects of a terminus potion, now that would be a whole other story. It was a small thing to be thankful for, but it was at least something to be thankful for in a huge mess of things she couldn't possibly be thankful for.
Christmas was supposed to be cosy, and this Christmas was anything but. Aurelia had never really had a particularly cosy family. Not like James' family, who were probably baking cookies to the sound of Little Drummer Boy right now – or some crazy muggle rock music if Sirius had anything to say about it.
No, Aurelia's family had never been particularly cosy. But she had loved Christmas either way. She loved the decorations, she loved the foods, the presents, the music… and while putting the Fawleys and the Malfoys in a room together usually ended in chaos, Christmas eve seemed like the only exception – the one peaceful night each year. And that was what she had deliberately negotiated her way out of. So, rather than sitting by the fireplace listening to her grandfather tell stories of his time at the ministry, she would be drinking a terminus potion, alone in her empty Hogwarts dormitory.
Aurelia didn't take pride in pitying herself, in fact, she hated that quality in herself – but she couldn't help it. As Christmas approached, she wanted nothing more than to be at home with her family, no matter how cold they could be at times. Well, actually, there was something she wanted more than that – but she wouldn't bring herself to believe that there was any chance of James leaving his precious Lily and coming back to Hogwarts to be with her. While a small part of her hoped for that, Aurelia was too much of a realist to actually believe it.
So, by the time Snape owled to let her know the potion was finished, it was already the morning of boxing day, and Aurelia's mind was about as set as it ever would be – meaning it wasn't very set at all. She knew what she needed to do, though. She was an unmarried, single sixteen-year-old, and if her family found out about her situation, there was no way they would support her. She would be alone in the world. Alone, with a baby to care for – something she couldn't very well do as a Hogwarts student. It simply wasn't possible, and she was left without options.
"If I were you, I'd take it sooner rather than later," Snape snorted, as he handed her the small vial of blood-red liquid. It was much smaller than she had expected, and while she was thankful it would be quick, she suddenly found herself concerned it wouldn't work.
"Are you sure it's… potent?"
"Am I sure? If you don't trust my abilities, Fawley, I suggest you take your issue to Pomfrey, or perhaps St. Mungos."
"No, I'm sorry, it's… Thank you for brewing it, Severus."
"Fine. You're welcome. Just don't wait too long to take it or all my work will have been in vain."
"It has an expiration date?"
"Fifteen weeks, Fawley. If you've gone any further it won't take. Now, if you'll excuse me…"
And just like that, the strange boy was gone, and Aurelia found herself alone in an abandoned classroom, holding a small vial in her hand which already sickened her. She didn't know how far she had gone, and that worried her in more ways than one. If she had been torn before, it was nothing compared to how she felt now. And so, she saw it as her way out of making the choice. If she drank it, it would be up to faith. Either it would work, or it wouldn't.
And so, before she left the classroom, Aurelia put the vial to her lips and swallowed the horrendously acrid liquid in one gulp; quickly, so that she wouldn't have time to change her mind. The bitter taste lingered, and for a moment, she wondered if Snape might have given her actual poison – because that was exactly what it tasted like. But then, nothing happened. She didn't feel her insides burn, or her heart slow down. There was nothing. Nothing but regret, anxiety, and the intense fear that the potion hadn't worked; or worse, that it had.
Aurelia never seemed to be able to walk through the corridors of Hogwarts without inappropriately running into someone she was trying to avoid at the absolute worst moment possible. Perhaps the fact that the people she was trying to avoid were nowadays often marauders, and that they had a bloody tracking-map had a little something to do with it.
The Hufflepuff had just left Snape's abandoned classroom with a small, empty glass vial in the pocket of her robe, when she reached an abrupt stop upon facing Sirius Black in the corridor – the map in his hand an immediate give away. His dark curls fell effortlessly, yet perfectly over his face, where he stood, as though he was waiting for her, wearing the Pink Floyd t-shirt he had lent her that summer. There was a black, ancient rune on his right arm, with smaller runes circling it. It hadn't been there before, but oddly, it suited him perfectly.
Seeing him there, in the dark corridor, with dark hair, dark clothes, and dark symbols on his arm – he should probably have looked dangerous, threatening even. But Aurelia didn't see that. All she saw was soft; soft hair, skin… soft lips. There was no teasing grin gracing them that afternoon, just a vague, soft smile, that screamed broken as much as it did relieved.
"Sirius, you… you're not supposed to be here," she claimed hesitatingly, wrapping the black robe around her torso habitually.
"You lied," the boy mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest as he took a step closer, and while the girl wanted to, she couldn't bring herself to back away from him.
"I didn't want to keep you here for Christmas."
"Did you ever think that perhaps that was my choice to make?"
"Did you ever think that maybe I didn't want you here?"
He stopped at that, and grew silent, although his misty eyes were still set on her, stubborn and daring.
"Don't do that, Fawley. Don't push me away again. I came here for you, so that you wouldn't have to be alone the whole month. And don't say you didn't want me to, because that's not what I heard before I left."
"No, you're right. I'm sorry, Sirius. I'm glad you're here; I am."
"Me too," the boy mumbled with yet another soft smile, as he took a few more steps towards her, ending up just in front of her.
"This is… new," Aurelia noted, just barely gracing the rune on his forearm with her fingertips, to her surprise feeling nothing but soft skin.
"Yeah, well, for some reason the muggle artists wouldn't tattoo me before I was eighteen, so it was about time."
"It suits you. What does it mean?"
"I don't actually know," the boy laughed, casually running his hand through his ridiculously perfect hair.
"We were in muggle London and Prongs dared m-"
"I'm sorry," he added, grey eyes turning to the stone floor at the mention of James.
"Don't be. I'm glad you're friends. I couldn't stand to have you arguing because of me."
"It wasn't your fault, Fawley, you know that, right? It was because of what he did."
"Yes, well you wouldn't have cared if you didn't know me."
"So what? You regret knowing me?"
"That's not what I mean, Sirius, I just- fuck!"
Those few who really knew Aurelia Rose Fawley, knew that she was well-mannered enough only to curse in very rare situations. And as a staggering pain cut through her lower abdomen, it was a rare situation indeed. She did her best not to bend over completely in pain, but failed to keep her hands from rushing to her stomach.
"Merlin, Fawley! Are you alright?"
"Just fine," she lied through gritted teeth, straightening her back to face him again.
"Just another perk of being a girl. See you tomorrow?"
She barely finished speaking before she had continued her walk towards the dungeons, much more stiffly this time around.
"Is there anything I can do?" he asked after her, hesitation evident in his voice.
"Tomorrow, Sirius," she responded with a strained voice, as she disappeared down the stairs.
It had worked, she concluded, as she lay under the covers on her bed in the dungeons, hours later. She wasn't keen on reliving it, but she was drained of energy when she realized there was nothing more she could do. They had been a few painful hours, both physically and mentally, and quite frankly – she wanted to forget all about it. Both the bloody choice she had told herself she didn't make, and its results. Most of all, she just wanted to forget the little child she had made up inside her mind – forget it ever existed.
Unlike most of her family, Aurelia had never been particularly good at concealing or supressing her emotions. She had always been a very sensitive and well, emotional person, which wasn't greatly appreciated in a pureblood family that was constantly attempting to keep up appearances. Apparently, keeping one's emotions in shack was vital for mastering occlumency – something the Hufflepuff had never managed to do, despite the many efforts by her parents.
She remembered the basics, though; the exercises they had made her do one too many times. And so that night, she repeated them endlessly in her mind until she finally drifted off to sleep with a somewhat clear mind, having shut the whole pregnancy ordeal into a large trunk and locked it away in a back room somewhere she wouldn't go looking for it. As she did that, she could finally relax, after months of stress and concern.
She was not going to have a child. Not now. And so, she did not have to face James, Sirius, her family, her teachers… She didn't have to face anyone to tell them about it. She didn't have to cry any more tears, because for better or for worse, it was over now. And all she had to cry about was the fact that the boy she loved had chosen someone else; and that was more than enough.
When she saw Sirius the next morning at breakfast, she even smiled back upon facing that half-concerned, half-happy, soft smile of his, gleaming over from the Gryffindor table. She realized then that she hadn't been fair, complaining about losing everything. Sure, in some ways, James had been (and still was) her everything. But she hadn't nearly losteverything. She had lost James. But there were so many things that she still had left, things she had only dreamed of before she met James; true friends. True friends, and an incredible boy who never seemed to give up on her the way everyone else always did.
A/N: I truly hope you don't hate me for this chapter! I know a lot of you didn't want her to take the potion, but in the end of the day, it had to be her decision, and this was the only way for her to even begin to move on from all the sadness James has caused her. ALSO, Sirius is back which is nice! Right? Please follow, favorite and leave me a review if you liked it! I can't wait to hear your thoughts, theories and questions! It would make my day at work tomorrow so much better!