New Years Eve 1979

Aurelia had stayed in Sirius' apartment after boxing day. It seemed like she had almost reached the point where she didn't care what her parents thought anymore. Naturally they were expecting her back home, but she was of age now - and there was nothing keeping her there. Nothing real at least. But there was something pulling her back; the damn party Sirius was throwing for New Years Eve. Because Aurelia wasn't ready to face James again, not after boxing day. Barely at all, despite however much she missed his brightness in her life.

"I can cancel," Sirius offered as he handed her a cup of tea and sat down next to her in the sofa.

"It's your party."

"So?"

"I don't want you to cancel on my behalf. I don't even live here, it's… I'll just go back."

"See, that's the part that I have an issue with, Fawley. I can't have you spend New Year's without Pink Floyd."

A small smile made its way onto the girls lips as she remembered that night, two years ago. It was strange, how that December had the darkest time of her life and yet, remembering that New Year's Eve there was only light. The music playing from the record player, the fireworks lighting up the sky, and Sirius - a smiling Sirius.

"He wants to see you." His low voice broke the silence, broke the memory. Aurelia knew exactly who he meant, and what had brought this on.

"You told him?!"

"No, I didn't… I would never tell him that, it's… I think he knows, though. He's not daft, Fawley. I told him to ask you himself, and I suppose that's what he wants to do now."

"You don't have to see him, you know. You don't have to explain anything to him. I can tell him not to come over," he added hastily.

"He's coming over?"

"No, I mean... yes. In an hour or so, he said he'd help me with the fireworks too. But I can cancel, Fawley. It's no big deal."

"It's fine, really. I should've dealt with this years ago," the blonde mumbled absentmindedly. It was about time, but that didn't make it any easier. What was she supposed to say? How could she possibly tell him what she had done, when she could barely bring herself to remember it? When dreams of a blonde little girl with warm hazel eyes still haunted her every night? She couldn't bear the thought of looking into those same eyes and say it out loud; that she had taken that away from him. That she had killed that sweet girl before she even could feel the sun on her face, before she had the chance to meet the bright optimist that was her dad. Before she could chase three unusually friendly animals around in the garden. Before she got to lie in her mother's arms. Before Aurelia got to hold her in her arms.

"I'm sorry, this was a bad idea. I'll just floo him and tell him not to come."

A soft, yet determined voice brought her back to the real world, and as she looked up at the concerned boy next to her, she noticed the tears blurring her sight. Reaching out after him as he stood up, Aurelia grabbed his wrist to stop him from walking away.

"Don't."

Following suit, the eighteen-year-old stood up, slowly wrapping her arms around his back and leaning her head against his chest. It took a moment before steady arms pulled her in closer, and that familiar scent of cigarettes and expensive cologne reached her senses. And it wasn't all bad anymore. There was warmth, and bright orange light at dusk hitting soft butterscotch skin. There were rhythmic, comforting heartbeats right underneath that chest, rising and sinking with heavy breaths. There was music, a soft baseline sounding from the record player in the other room. And underneath those tears stubbornly making their way down her pale face, there was a smile on her lips.

"Thank you," the girl mumbled though her smile, only bringing herself to let go of him with one arm to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"For what?"

"For always being here for me, no matter what. I don't deserve it, I don't des-"

"You deserve it more than anyone, Fawley," he smiled, piercing grey eyes meeting hers as he reached up to push a string of silver hair out of her face. They were frozen like that for a while, grey eyes locked on grey, his hand in her hair. But as those captivating eyes began to approximate, Aurelia could feel her heart skip a beat, and quickly retreated her gaze to the floor.

"I'll see him," she swallowed, gathering herself and straightening her back in true pureblood fashion.

"And then you're having your party. You shouldn't worry too much about me, Siri. I'll be alright."

A few hours later a painful silence filled that same living room. They had been sitting like that for a while without speaking, James in the armchair and Aurelia in the sofa, stubbornly avoiding eye contact.

"I've been a daft twat, haven't I?" a hoarse voice asked, although the tone implied that it was more of a statement than a question.

"No, you.. it's not your fault," the girl mumbled in response, through that thick lump in her throat.

"What happened?"

He sounded hesitant, as though he didn't want to hear it - as though he was scared of her answer. Aurelia couldn't blame him for that, because she was just as scared of telling him.

"I took…" she tried, but the lump grew too thick and she had to clear her throat, before glueing her eyes to the floor.

"Terminus potion," she finished, biting down hard on her bottom lip.

"When?" the young man swallowed, him too turning his gaze towards the floor.

"Christmas. Two years ago."

"Boxing day…" he mumbled under his breath.

Aurelia did her best to remain calm and collected, as she had been raised to be. But despite however hard she closed her eyes, there was an image burned into her mind. The image of a bright, vivid little girl with wild silvery hair, kind hazel eyes, and a missing front tooth in that unapologetic, mischievous grin of hers. And so she couldn't stay collected, she couldn't keep the tears in, and she couldn't keep her mouth shut.

"I'm so sorry, James," she finally cried, losing her breath in the process, losing her grip.

"I'm so sorry. She was… ours, and perfect and I…" The young woman struggled with the words, and it seemed that both her breathing and her trembling lips were failing her.

"I killed her, James," she finally confessed, finally looking up at him with guilty grey eyes and a broken expression written all over her face.

"No, Lia - you didn't do anything wrong," James promised, but the heartbroken expression on his face said otherwise.

"I just… I wish I could've been there for you," he added, looking up at her in concern.

"No, James… I should've told you. I shouldn't have taken it, I-"

"I don't blame you. There really is no excuse for what I did… to you. I'm so sorry, I was stupid, drunk and insensitive. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry, Lia."

There were tears in his eyes too, now. And Aurelia hated it. However much pain he had caused her, she couldn't bear to see him hurt. Him, the boy who had always done everything in his power to put smiles on other people's faces.

"It's not… I'm no better. I kissed Sirius, that same night. At the party. I think I told myself that it was all him, but it wasn't. And I blamed you, for everything. I'm terrible," she mumbled under her breath, shaking her head in disbelief as she was telling him things she barely had figured out for herself yet.

"He loves you, you know."

"Don't."

"I just… I want you to be happy, too."

"That's not your job, James."

Perhaps it had been his job, sometime, but it definitely wasn't now. And Aurelia was fed up with people trying to tell her what she should do, or what would make her happy. It wasn't within reach now anyway, and while Sirius definitely could put a smile on her face from time to time, she was too scared of hurting him. He deserved so much better than her; someone who could make up their mind, who could return that absolute certainty. Someone who wasn't hung up on a family she would never have.

"Are you going to tell her?" the girl asked, after a long moment's silence.

"Who, Lily? No. Not if you don't want me to."

And so, Aurelia stayed for the party. Not only because she couldn't bring herself to go back to the Fawley residence, but because she didn't want to leave. The last few days had been surprisingly good, and she couldn't remember the last time she had had several good days in a row. Perhaps the party would ruin her streak, but going back to her parents was definitely a more certain card.

Turns out, Sirius had invited a lot of people. The entire Gryffindor group was there, and a whole bunch of people Aurelia didn't know. She suspected some of them were from this secret order they were in, but there was no telling for sure.

Being angry at Lily Evans had never been an easy task. The Hufflepuff tried, she had tried jealousy, resentment, or simply irritation - but as soon as she met the redhead in person, it was impossible to keep up. She was just too goddamn nice. Which was why Aurelia had come up with a new approach; avoidance. Avoidance that led her to drink alone in an otherwise empty kitchen. Sirius was off somewhere challenging other idiots (read: James and Marlene) to a good old fashioned game of 'stand on your broom while taking as many shots as you can without falling off', and Regulus hadn't showed up yet. In all honesty, she wasn't entirely sure he would. The younger Black-brother had been quite absent as of late, and Sirius seemed to know things he wasn't telling her about. It was disconcerting to say the least.

The blonde took another sip from her wine and threw a glance out the window, where the three idiots were still balancing on their brooms - Peter and Dorcas cheering them on. She nearly spat out her wine as a heavy hand placed itself on her shoulder from behind. Turning around she faced tired grey eyes and a soft familiar smile.

"Regulus, thank Merlin!"

Instantly, the two teens were wrapped in each others arms, and Aurelia realized just how concerned she had been for her best friend.

"Where the hell have you been? I've been so worried!" she exclaimed, slapping him across the arm, earning a soft chuckle from the boy.

"You know what, Fawley. I could ask you the same thing. Sources tell me congratulations are in order," Regulus grinned, grabbing the wine glass out of her hand and chugging the last of it before she could object.

"For what?" the girl asked in disbelief, crossing her arms over her chest and raising an eyebrow at her supposed best friend.

"Apparently you and Sirius moved in together… a big step indeed, but I always knew things would work out between you two."

"Oh, would you shut up? It's been five days and I do not live here!"

"It's been five days, has it?" he teased, grabbing a wine bottle from the countertop and refilling the glass he so thoughtlessly had taken from her.

"Remus is here," Aurelia stated matter-of-factly, in a quite desperate attempt to both tease back, and change the subject.

"Why do you think I'm drinking?" he snorted in response, chugging his second glass of wine.

"Alright, slow down, and give me that back!" the girl snapped, and snatched her wine glass back before pouring up the remainder of what was in the bottle.

"Now," she begun, only putting the glass down to push herself up to sit on the countertop, looking at him with an inquisitive expression as she picked up the glass again.

"Whatever did happen between you two?"

"We hooked up, at McKinnon's party…"

"And…?"

"And this summer," he admitted, with a pained expression across his face.

"And?"

"Well, he's avoiding me! He hasn't written me back once, and-"

"Aww, you sent him letters?"

"Shut up."

And just like that, the blonde lost her wine glass to a Slytherin for the second time that evening.

"Have you seen them at all?" she asked, seriousness hanging in the thick air like a dark cloud on a sunny day.

Regulus stopped drinking at that, handing back the glass to her and nodding slowly. It was as though she could see him build up that wall again. The one she had once thought was all there was to him. The one he hid behind.

"Just tell me the truth, Reg."

"They're fine, I guess. Augustus is… he's losing it, Fawley. I'm starting to think he… enjoys it."

"Enjoys what?"

"The killing," he responded, emotionless - cold as that new year's night, and it sent shivers down her spine. The terrifying reality that was all their lives, except hers, struck her just then. There was a full fledged war going on out there, and while she was aware of it, she wasn't affected by it. She hadn't seen it with her own eyes. Yet there was her best friend, talking about killing as though it were a routine - telling her that her brother was losing his mind. And she wasn't doing anything about it. She hadn't seen Augustus in months, and before this, she hadn't seen Regulus in months either.

She hadn't done anything during these months after her graduation. Nothing useful, at least. Staying locked up in your parents house, going to fancy dinner parties and meeting up with repulsive men of your mother's choice did not count as useful. Not in a war, not ever. Meanwhile, pretty much everyone in her surrounding were risking their lives on a daily basis - killing, on a daily basis.

"I'm so sorry, Reg. How… How can I help you?"

"Well, you can pour me some more wine," he smiled softly, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and taking a deep breath. And it was ridiculous, that is was him comforting her, and not the other way around.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Obviously, this is not the end of the New Year's Eve party - only the end of this chapter. Please follow, favourite or review if you liked this chapter, and let me know what you think is going to happen in the upcoming ones! I can promise that there'll be a little bit of everything!