TPH-PAT-27N7
Two Point Hospital - Patient Report
General Practitioner: Dr Adam Temple
Patient: Mrs Abagail Clarke
Abstract: Patient reports repeatedly falling over.
Diagnosis: Nan Down
Treatment: Tennis balls replaced on the patients Zimmer frame.
END OF REPORT
TPH-PAT-48Y9
Two Point Hospital - Patient Report
General Practitioner: Dr Simon Able
Patient: Mr Wilson Parker
Abstract: Patient reports unexpected item in the bagging area.
Diagnosis: Brothel Sprouts
Treatment: Surgery for removal plus leaflet on safe sex practices.
END OF REPORT
TPH-PAT-33M4
Two Point Hospital - Patient Report
General Practitioner: Dr Adrian Gladstone
Patient: Mr Willard Aird
Abstract: Patient holds long and protracted conversations with local wildlife.
Diagnosis: Dr Don't Little
Treatment: Psychiatry
Addendum: While its normal to occasionally speak to animals, patients should contact us immediately if they ever think they hear them reply.
END OF REPORT
TPH-CIT-92W1
Two Point Hospital - Critical Incident Report
Level of Incident: Code Black
Nature of Incident: Consultant Dr Martin Wright's Jaguar blocked in.
END OF REPORT
TPH-PAT-59J1
Two Point Hospital - Patient Report
General Practitioner: Dr Fredricka Weber
Patient: Mr Rupert Grimes
Abstract: Emergency referral from A&E. Patient arrived with severe bleeding after accident while fixing car.
Diagnosis: Poor Workmanship
Treatment: Patient offered a bag of the house red (A+), patched up and sent to Ward for recovery.
END OF REPORT
House Red - Blood
TPH-PAT-92M9
Two Point Hospital - Patient Report
General Practitioner: Dr Albert Bolton
Patient: Mr Steven Jones
Abstract: Patient gets angry reading online articles.
Diagnosis: Dictaphone - Life dictated by a smartphone
Treatment: Send to Psychiatry to deal with addiction. Long term cure is to sign up with BT broadband.
END OF REPORT
TPH-PAT-40U5
Two Point Hospital - Patient Report
General Practitioner: Dr Daniel Fielding
Patient: Mr Bob Gurney
Abstract: Patient claims total blindness.
Diagnosis: Patient claims are total BS
Treatment: GP placed sticky note on own forehead reading 'I am a complete prat', patient proceeded to follow it like a dog watching a ham.
END OF REPORT
TPH-PAT-49Z5
Two Point Hospital - Patient Report
General Practitioner: Dr Nelson Brown
Patient: Miss Katherine Stewart
Abstract: Patient presents with minor cough. Suspected attempt to bunk off, GANFYD.
Diagnosis: Minor cough
Treatment: Over the counter cough medicine and a hard day's work.
END OF REPORT
GANFYD - Get a note from your doctor
TPH-PAT-12H8
Two Point Hospital - Patient Report
General Practitioner: Dr Amelia Strange
Patient: Mr Albert Wren
Abstract: Patient reports severe pain in abdomen.
Diagnosis: Kidney Boulders
Treatment: Pharmacy for solution to dissolve obstruction. Janitor pre-arranged for toilet clean up.
END OF REPORT
TPH-PAT-44J7
Two Point Hospital - Patient Report
General Practitioner: Dr Mary Fry
Patient: Miss Fabienne Crawford
Abstract: Patient unaware of terrible singing voice.
Diagnosis: Tone Deaf
Treatment: Pharmacy solution to clean out ears.
END OF REPORT
TPH-PAT-28K6
Two Point Hospital - Patient Report
General Practitioner: Dr Roger Graham
Patient: Knight Sir Walter Tancred Wellington III
Abstract: Renaissance fair in town. Knight reports severe soreness in his crown jewels.
Diagnosis: Jousticles - too much time spent in the saddle
Treatment: Recovery in the Ward
END OF REPORT
TPH-PAT-38T9
Two Point Hospital - Patient Report
General Practitioner: Dr Theresa Billings
Patient: Mr Douglas March
Abstract: Patient presents with severe obesity, requests 'Diet Shake' or other quick fix solution
Diagnosis: Severe obesity
Treatment: Patient put on regime of strict diet and exercise. Photo sent to every pie shop within a 60-mile radius.
END OF REPORT
TPH-PAT-38N9
Two Point Hospital - Patient Report
General Practitioner: Dr Hannah Jules
Patient: Special Agent Norman Able
Abstract: Patient is convinced they are a secret agent
Diagnosis: Lack of Agency
Treatment: Patient to be placed into overly elaborate death trap for them to break out of.
END OF REPORT
TPH-PAT-54R2
Two Point Hospital - Patient Report
General Practitioner: Dr Mike Yang
Patient: Corporal Reginald McDermott, 15th Regiment of Foot (East Yorkshire Regiment)
Abstract: Patient is convinced its 1776 and we must rise up to prevent the loss of the American Colonies
Diagnosis: Patient is an overly committed Revolutionary War re-enactor
Treatment: Patient to be shot in the face with cannonball (Padded)
END OF REPORT
TPH-PAT-19U3
Two Point Hospital - Patient Report
General Practitioner: Dr Kenneth Small
Patient: Mr Steven Umbridge
Abstract: Patient reports item (Carrot) lodged in an unusual place.
Diagnosis: Stuffed up. Sent to X-ray for a better view of it.
Treatment: TBD based on further diagnosis to determine best method of extraction.
END OF REPORT
Note to staff: As its organic you won't see it on the X-ray, observe how the lining is formed around it.
Note to self: Possible entry for Christmas 'Strangest Ailment' contest.
TPH-PAT-55F2
Two Point Hospital - Patient Report
General Practitioner: Dr Florence Blithe
Patient: Mr Terrance Alcott and Mr David Alcott
Abstract: Twins convinced the other is an imposter
Diagnosis: Dual Imposter Syndrome
Treatment: Psychiatry
END OF REPORT
TPH-PAT-72Y2
Two Point Hospital - Patient Report
General Practitioner: Dr Noah Davidson
Patient: Miss Reminda Evans
Abstract: Patient believes they are a master thief. Manifests in wearing all black and hanging from ceilings by overly elaborate wire harnesses.
Diagnosis: Oceans Too Many
Treatment: Patient is lured into stealing a fake gem and is caught in the act.
END OF REPORT