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IV

Every nerve in Sibella's body was aflame, but that was often the way it was when Adam was as ardent as he had just been; it would take a few minutes before her sensibilities returned. The mattress shifted and Sibella thrilled at the expectation of Adam's lips on her mouth or her belly or wherever he chose; she never knew with him. But nothing came so she lazily rolled over on her stomach and saw Adam sitting up against the headboard. He was staring at her as if lining up a rifle's sight before he pulled the trigger and she knew what question was coming.

"Sibella, were you listening…let me rephrase that…did you overhear any of my conversation with Jess last night?"

She considered lying, but he would know and that was worse; telling a lie that he knew was a lie was self-defeating. He was giving her a way out of admitting to eavesdropping and she appreciated it, but she also knew they were just words. She sat up, holding the sheet about herself with one arm. For some reason, despite what had just transpired, sitting there exposed made her uncomfortable and Adam often teased her, accusing her of hypocrisy when it came to modesty.

"Well?' he asked. "Did you hear any of it?" Adam watched her carefully as she ferreted about for an acceptable answer.

"I heard a bit." Sibella pushed a lock of hair behind one ear. The up-do she had been wearing was coming down and falling about her shoulders.

"What 'bit'?"

She paused before answering, dropping her eyes. "That you had loved Meg." She bit her lower lip.

"So that's why you grilled my father about her."

She looked up at him. "Oh, he told you that. You Cartwright men always stick together, don't you? Yes, I asked him and he told me about you and Meg, but surprisingly little, just that you and she had known each other a long time and…well, that you courted her." She thought she'd choke on those last three words. Sibella wondered what that term encompassed when it came to Meg since Adam hadn't truly courted her. Actually, it had been she who had been so hungry for him that if Adam had returned to the Ponderosa without her, she didn't know how she could go on. Sibella hadn't insisted on marriage, would have flaunted all mores, broken her parents' hearts, if only Adam would love her. But Sibella wasn't foolish enough to let him know and had she capitulated too soon, too easily given herself, she felt Adam wouldn't have valued her as much; men don't want what they can easily get, her mother had long ago advised her. But now, Sibella feared Adam had loved Meg Starling when she thought she was the only one in his heart. Suddenly, she wanted to cry, her throat tightening. "Did you love her very much, Adam?"

He sized up the situation, choosing his words carefully. "Keep in mind this was quite a few years ago but yes, I loved her, but that doesn't alter how I feel about you. I married you instead of her."

"Why didn't you marry her?" Sibella was afraid of the answer but had to know.

"What does it matter? I didn't."

"But why not?"

"Why do you ask questions like that? I can't explain it except to say I didn't, but that won't satisfy you so listen because I'm not dragging up the past again. Yes, I courted Meg and she and I talked about marriage, often and seriously. It was before the war and I had been…there was something lacking in my life, Sibella. I didn't know what it was and I thought a wife would fill that emptiness, but…I don't know, I couldn't commit for some reason. So, I told her that if she had a chance, she should make a life for herself without me. After all, I might have never come home."

Sibella began to sob and Adam pulled her into his arms. "Now, why are you crying?"

"You loved someone else and you might have died and…" She sobbed, tears wetting Adam's chest.

"Don't cry, sweetheart. There's nothing to cry about."

"But, Adam, what if you had married her?" Sibella pulled away and looked at Adam. He seemed slightly amused at her hysterics so she did her best to compose herself. He reached out and caressed her cheek and then tipped up her chin.

"A French philosopher once said, 'My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.' None of that happened, Sibella. I'm here and we're married. Don't make yourself unhappy over what-ifs."

"I don't want to hear about any philosopher, French or otherwise! You were in love with Meg and the only reason you married me was because she was already married!"

Adam sighed. "No, I married you because I didn't see any other way to bed you." He did like to annoy her for some odd reason and her anger ended her tears more quickly than sympathetic consolation.

"Oh, you…you…" Sibella sputtered in frustration and tossing the sheet aside, climbed out of bed and pulled on her wrap.

"Now, where are you going?' He asked, realizing he may have gone too far.

"Away from you!" she said and stormed out.

Adam lay back down, deciding whether to go after Sibella or to let her have her fit of pique alone. He wanted to sleep but deciding he should apologize if he was going to have any peace, he pulled on his trousers, slipped on his shirt and went downstairs. The lamp was on in the kitchen and Sibella sat at the small wooden table, eating directly from the pan of leftover apple crisp. He sat down opposite her and she didn't look up, just brushed a lock of hair from her face.

"You going to eat that whole thing?'

She looked across at him, glowering. "Do you want some?'

"Yeah, I'll take a bowl," he said.

"Then I'm going to eat the whole thing!" she said defiantly.

Adam laughed and sat back in the chair, stretching out his legs. "You are a piece of work, Sibella. All right, you eat and I'll talk. The reason Jess was here last night is that Meg's been…taken…kidnapped. Whoever they are is asking for a ransom of $5,000. Jess doesn't have that much so he came to me for it. He knew that Meg and I shared a close friendship, that we had once been…well, I told you about that already. I think he used that relationship as leverage but I suppose it doesn't matter; just shows he's desperate. In return for the money, he signed over his shares in a mine to me. Now he's waiting for instructions on delivering the ransom and Meg's return."

Sibella was silent. She put the fork down and rose to pour a glass of milk. Adam pulled the pan to him and taking the fork, began to eat. Sibella brought two glasses of milk and placed one before him, then sat down.

"Do you have any idea who the…kidnappers are?" Sibella asked.

"No, and neither does Jess, or so he says. Except for the money, I'm trying to stay out of it."

"Do you think Jess is telling the truth?" Adam looked at her, puzzled, and Sibella quickly added, "I mean about not knowing who the kidnappers are?"

He paused eating. "I would hope he doesn't know, but he could have lost money he doesn't have to someone he shouldn't have and Meg is collateral. It's not my problem." He went back to the pan of apple crisp.

"But Meg is your old love. Don't you think you should try to find out?"

"No. I gave Jess the money and he's her husband. If he wants the kidnappers caught more than Meg's safe return, he would've told Roy Coffee…but I think he should have told Roy no matter what."

"You know, Adam," Sibella said, looking up coyly, "I could help solve this."

"Stay out of it, Sibella. I mean it."

"Look, Adam, Jess always drags his family's wealth into every conversation—'my father is very wealthy, my family owns part of this and that' and I find it annoying, but someone else in town might find it tempting. Listen, Adam," she leaned across the table. "No stranger would kidnap Meg because from the outside, their house and property looks like everyone else's, in some ways, worse. Also, have you seen anything to indicate Jess' father is wealthy? Maybe the kidnappers were listening to an unfortunate conversation. Well, if I went into town and talked up some investment or another that was going to pay out big for you, bragging about how much money you would receive for something or the other…like that mine, and how you were gone so much, well…"

"Sibella, no!"

"Just listen, Adam. If I did that, then I might be abducted and then you could arrange to have the kidnappers caught when you deliver the money."

"Don't be so sure I'd pay to get you back," Adam said.

Sibella pushed her hair off her face again. "You think you're so funny. I think it's a good plan; you just don't want to admit it." She became more enthusiastic as she thought of the details. "You could have Hoss or Joe watch me and if I was abducted, he could follow to see where I was taken." She paused a moment. "It would have to be Joe," she said, furrowing her brow. "Hoss is too big. He'd be easily noticed but Joe, well…"

Adam pointed the fork at her. "I'm going to say this one more time; stay out of it, Sibella. It's Jess' problem and he's chosen the solution. If you want to help, say a prayer Meg's returned safely because the more people who know about this, the worse it can get."

Sibella sat silently. She wasn't sure she wanted Meg's safe return. Then she was ashamed of herself. But looking at Adam sitting across the table with his shirt open and tousled hair, he looked so boyish and yet so desirable that she suddenly wanted him again. Meg had been a fool to marry another man, Sibella decided. Suddenly, instead of herself underneath him, Sibella pictured Meg writhing about in pleasure. A small gasp escaped her and one hand flew to her throat.

"What?" Adam asked, looking across at her.

"Nothing…I just…I need to go wash." Sibella stood up. "I can smell myself." And as she headed up the stairs, Sibella wondered just how much Adam had loved Meg, if when he looked about a room, he had ever wished it was Meg instead of her sitting there. And would he be heart-broken should anything bad happen to Meg—or to her?

Adam pushed the pan away and rested his face in his hands. Sibella was a determined woman and he feared she would covertly propose her plan to Joe who had a weakness for subterfuge and together, they could jeopardize Meg's safety as well as Sibella's. Things could quickly go bad. Adam's hopes for a peaceful night now seemed in vain and he sat back. Did Sibella really think he would allow her to intentionally be put in harm's way for any reason? But he had no control over her and they both knew it.

~0~

Adam strummed his guitar while Sibella sat working on a needlepoint sampler. She was as restless as he and had earlier tossed a book aside. When Adam looked quizzical, she said, "That is one of the worst books ever! I can't believe someone wasted all that paper printing it!"

"I thought it was good. Makes one think," Adam replied as he worked finding the proper string for the tune.

"It was nonsense! A country of tiny little people! Ridiculous!" Adam let the conversation drop and Sibella fetched her needlepoint. They were both on edge but while Adam had been quiet and looked to relax with his guitar, she had been sniping at him all evening, looking for an argument; that he didn't take the bait only served to annoy her more. Even Mrs. George had noticed and asked if the dinner of fried chicken was unsatisfactory; perhaps it was the green beans. Adam assured her everything was fine, tasty as usual, but Sibella remained out of sorts no matter what. Mrs. George quickly cleaned up, washed the dishes and then said her goodnight. As Moss as he drove her home, she mentioned that something was wrong between the couple. Moss said that all couples had problems on occasion as he and his long-dead wife had, may God rest her soul. And Mrs. George and her husband? Had things always been rosy between them, he asked? She admitted that they too had argued and had their disputes. Why, there had even been a time early on when she had considered gong home to her mother. Moss and Mrs. George decided between them, that soon things would smooth over and all would be as before; it was the way of marriages.

But Adam's uneasiness had kept him from working all that day at the office; he had been unable to concentrate on the papers that Miss Pear had brought to him to read and sign or the contracts to be examined as he kept going to the window, looking to see if Sibella was flouncing about town with Joe not far behind. So, he had drunk too much coffee and even smoked a few cigars but the day was essentially wasted. Miss Pear kept asking if there was anything she could get him but Adam assured her there was nothing. So, she tip-toed about the office, wishing there was more she could do to help him; she hated to see him so obviously distressed and wondered just what it was Mrs. Cartwright had done. It had to be she as she was such a disruptive element. Every time there was a sound on the stairs, Miss Pear expected the door to fly open and Mrs. Cartwright to appear in full regalia, demanding to see her husband. But the day went by and all was quiet except for a courier delivering a contract proposal.

As the day lengthened, Adam's thoughts kept returning to Jess and Meg and when the ransom was to be paid. And then there was Sibella; his mind kept going back to her. When he left home that morning, Adam had decided to change tactics; instead of ordering Sibella to stay home, he asked if she would please stay home and not leave the property. She had reluctantly agreed. But she hadn't been happy about it and after Adam kissed her goodbye, she looked more like a sulky child than an obliging wife.

"Adam, would you stop that strumming? If you want to play, play a song, sing something but that looking for a note…it's driving me crazy!" Sibella stood up and dropped her needlepoint on the chair. "I can't…"

Adam stood his guitar against the chair. "What is it, Sibella?"

She turned a sad face to him. "I don't know. I'm sorry, Adam." He rose and went to her, pulling her into his arms while she held on to him, laying her cheek against his chest.

"I've been out of sorts all day myself," he said. "I couldn't even read contracts. I'd read a few paragraphs and have to reread them; I couldn't remember what they said."

"Adam," Sibella said, pulling back to look up at him, "may I ask a favor?"

"Well, that depends. But go ahead and ask."

"Would you carry me upstairs and ravish me? Just a little, please."

"Well, since you asked so nicely…" He grinned but before he could sweep her up in his arm, there was a loud banging on the front door. Sibella gasped; it had to be Jess. Or Meg .It had to be.

Adam went to the door and Sibella waited. She recognized Jess' voice. He was almost crying.

"Adam, I lost everything, the money, Meg. What am I going to do? I waited and waited but Meg never came! I delivered the money like they said and…Adam, I don't know what to do."

"Now we need to get the law involved. We'll go into town and see Roy."

"Yes…yes. I have the buckboard. I was going to take Meg home so I took the wagon. We couldn't ride double on my horse and she would be worn out…exhausted. I thought of everything, Adam, everything for her comfort, how I would kiss her and tell her she was worth the world to me. And now…"

"Wait here, Jess. I need to tell Sibella where we're going." Adam walked into the parlor.

"Sibella, I'm going into town with Jess. There's been…" He stopped. Sibella would be alone in the house and standing there, she looked so small and vulnerable. The kidnappers were still out there. They had the money and might be looking to grab another victim. And only God knew what had happened to Meg, why she hadn't been returned. Of course, he could tell Moss to stand guard but Moss was an old man with the frailties of the aged. What could he possibly do against armed men? Nothing. Adam wouldn't chance it. "Get your wrap. You're coming with us to see the sheriff."