A/N: See Chapter 1 for Disclaimer.
Chapter Summary: George is worried when Louise announces her plans to take Melissa and Angie out of town with Melissa's tutor, Mrs. Hendrix, for an extended filed trip.
Chapter 2: Heavy Meetings and Field Trips
Diary Entries 1-5: Friday, October 1, 1982 – Tuesday, October 5, 1982
It was around one o'clock in the afternoon when George Jefferson decided to leave his B&B in Haven Lake, Massachusetts with his son, Lionel, and go to the Haven Lake Bakery that was owned by Louise Wood, the love of George's life. When George and Lionel walked over to the bakery and went inside, the place was entirely empty, which was rather unusual.
"Louise!" he called out. "Louise, are you here?!" he called out again. Silence. "Is anybody here?!" he yelled.
"Hey look, Pop," Lionel told him as he pointed to the kitchen door. "Look at the kitchen door. There's a big sign on it."
And it was then that George spotted the sign on the big kitchen door that read: Do Not Enter. Heavy Meeting in Progress.
"I didn't know your mother was havin' a big meeting today," said George.
"Yeah, neither did I, obviously. If I'd known, I would've waited until next Friday to take the day off and come up here for a three-day weekend so I could see more of Mom."
"I wonder what she's doin' in there," said George as he walked up to the kitchen door.
"I don't know, Pop, but whatever Mom's doing in there is private. It's not any of our business, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't want any intrusions, hence the sign."
"I'm just gonna take one small look," said George, and then he opened the kitchen door a crack. And what he saw and heard through that little door crack gave George quite a laugh. Louise, Mark, a very pregnant Heather, and Frank were all sitting at a card table in the kitchen together playing poker! What made it even funnier was the fact that Louise was wearing a green visor on her head!
"Come over here, Lionel!" George ordered his son in a whisper.
"Pop, we can't spy on Mom's big meeting," Lionel told him.
"Just come over here!" George whispered, and reluctantly, Lionel joined his father and watched the big poker game through the crack in the kitchen door.
They were playing five-card draw, and Frank and Heather had already folded their hands, and Louise was in a betting contest with Mark. Mark kept betting on the strength of his hand, and Louise kept raising the bet to crazy amounts. And to Frank's and Heather's amazement, Mark kept seeing Louise's bet and raising it, and Louise continued to do the same, until Mark finally bet the last of his chips and said, "Call," revealing a full house, three Jacks and two tens.
"Oh, dear," Louise said in a sad sigh. "Looks like I was way overconfident. You've really beaten the heck out of me today, Mark. All I have are two pair." Mark laughed out loud in that moment, and then Louise set down one pair of queens on the table and said, "All I've got are these red queens," and then she laid two more queens on the table and said, "and these black queens."
And in that instant, Mark let out a loud groan while Heather and Frank laughed out loud. And George and Lionel secretly watched and laughed in glee as Louise gathered the mountain of poker chips and slid them all over to her side of the table.
"You're evil, Louise!" Mark teased. "You're cruel and you're evil!" he kidded as she had a big belly laugh.
"Well anyway, we've been in here eating lunch and playing poker since noon. It's precisely one minute to one o'clock," Louise announced while looking at her wristwatch, "and I officially declare this lunch-break-slash-secret-poker-tournament over. Time to get back to work." Louise then took off her green visor and set it down on the card table.
"Yes, ma'am," Heather said obediently as she (slowly) got up from her chair and put her apron back on.
"As you say, boss," Frank told Louise with a playful salute while also putting on his apron, and Louise chuckled at the salute.
And as everyone began walking out of the kitchen, George motioned to Lionel for them to go outside, and they quickly slipped out before Louise, Mark, Heather, and Frank came out of the kitchen.
"What is it, Pop?" Lionel asked with a smile as George continued chuckling at Louise's antics.
"I always wondered what your mother did whenever she'd hold one of those 'Heavy Meetings' of hers. It's been drivin' me crazy. Now I know," said George as he and Lionel continued to laugh. George then shook his head and told his son, "Your mother's so cute, Lionel. You know?"
Lionel laughed again and said, "Yeah Pop, I know what you mean."
"I mean, here she is, hidin' a poker-playin' tournament behind the disguise of a meeting, as if it's somethin' to be ashamed of. It's so cute and adorable how pure she is."
"Yeah, and not just an ordinary meeting, either. A Heavy Meeting," said Lionel as he and George kept laughing.
"Well actually, your mother was tellin' the truth when she called it a 'Heavy Meeting.' It was a meeting that made her pockets a lot heavier when she cleaned Mark out!" George said aloud, and again, he and Lionel had a big belly laugh.
When they settled down a few moments later, Lionel looked at George and asked, "Hey, you wanna go back inside, Pop?"
"Sure," George said with a giggle, and then he and Lionel walked back into the bakery.
"Oh, hello, George," Louise said with a pleasant smile. "Hello, Lionel. It's good to see you again."
"It's good to see you again too, Ms. Wood," Lionel told her.
"Well George, since you're here, I may as well go ahead and tell you. I'm not going to be here Monday. I'll be out of town."
"Out of town?" said George.
"That's right. But I'll be back by Tuesday morning."
"What you goin' out of town for?" asked George, and then Lionel gave him a slight elbow to the gut. George had a real tendency to only see things from his own perspective; he often forgot that from Louise's perspective, he was not a man she'd known since her teenage years, nor was he the man she'd fallen in love with, nor was he her husband of three decades. To Louise, who had lost her memory due to all the beatings and head trauma she'd suffered at the hands of a serial killer and rapist, George was just a man she'd known for the past several months and a new friend she had made.
"Uh, Pop, I really don't think that's any of our business," Lionel said quietly.
"It's alright, Lionel," Louise said good-naturedly. "George, if you're really dying of curiosity, I'll tell you. Mrs. Hendrix, Melissa's tutor, wants to take her to Philadelphia to visit this very elaborate Chinese exhibit that's going to be at one of the museums there for the next several days. Mrs. Hendrix thinks it'll be a great opportunity for Melissa to learn more about Chinese history."
"Melissa's Chinese, isn't she, Ms. Wood?" asked Lionel.
"Yes, that's right. And with this big Chinese exhibit coming to Philadelphia, Mrs. Hendrix wants to use the opportunity to teach Melissa more about where she came from. And I thought about it for a little while, and I realized that this could be a great learning experience, not only for Melissa, but for Angie and me as well. So I asked Mrs. Hendrix to meet us here at the bakery tomorrow morning so we can take the girls on an educational field trip to the museum in Philadelphia and enjoy a three-day weekend with them. It's a five-hour drive from here, so I'll be leaving pretty early, probably around six o'clock or so. And after we get there and have some lunch, we'll go see some of the exhibit. Mrs. Hendrix tells me that the exhibit is so huge that we won't be able to see everything all in one day, and the museum closes on Sundays, so that's why we'll be there all through Monday as well, to give us all enough time to see everything."
"Hey, that's great, Ms. Wood. I know you and the girls will have a wonderful time," said Lionel with a smile, and in the next moment, it was George's turn to give him an elbow in the gut. "Hey, Pop!" Lionel said in an irritated whisper. "What was that for?"
"Are you crazy?!" George responded, also in an angry whisper. "Weezy just had to have her heart shocked at the hospital! She ain't in no condition for no five-hour drive or field trip!" he fussed, still talking to Lionel in whispers.
"Come on, Pop. That was two months ago," Lionel whispered.
"Lionel, it's too soon," George insisted, still talking in a very quiet voice. "She's not ready for somethin' like this yet. She's not strong enough."
"She looks plenty strong to me," Lionel quietly replied.
"Well, George, Lionel, if you're an early bird like me, why don't you two come meet me here the bakery at six o'clock tomorrow morning to see Louise and the girls off?" Mark suggested.
"Hey yeah, Mr. Moore, that's a great idea. Pop and I will be happy to be here tomorrow morning to see you and the girls off, Ms. Wood."
"Uh, yeah. Sure, we'll be there," George said dubiously. He certainly wanted to be there tomorrow morning, but not to see Louise off. Rather, he wanted to talk her out of what he was convinced was a crazy idea.
"Mark, we've gotta find a way to talk her out of this," George told Mark in his kitchen later on that evening.
"Why? I think a holiday with the girls will be good for Louise."
Exasperated, George sighed and asked, "Do I have to spell it out for you, Mark? You were there too, you know. You were standin' right there next to me when that doctor had to shock Weezy's heart to get it beatin' normally again."
Mark then gave George an understanding nod and told him, "I know, George. I know that witnessing that doctor shocking Louise's heart was a terrible experience for you. I know that that shook you up very badly."
"Yes, it did," George admitted. "It scared me to death."
"I know it did. It wasn't an easy thing for me to see, either. But it's over now. Louise has fully recovered, and she's put it behind her and moved on with her life."
"Maybe Weezy's moved on, but I can't. I can't ever get what happened out of my mind. Not just with the doctor shockin' her heart. I can't get it out of my mind how she snuck out there, in a wheelchair no less, and loaded her gun and shot that wife-beater. Weezy's been through too much. Way too much. And even though her spirit is so strong, her health is fragile, and she doesn't seem to realize that."
Mark shook his head and said, "It's not that Louise is unaware of the health problems she has, George. It's not that she doesn't take them seriously. It's just that she's already got two strikes against her with her race and her gender. Sure, things are a lot better than they used to be, but even so, life is still much harder for a black person, particularly a black woman, than it would be for someone who is white or male. Tragically, there are quite a few uppity, snobbish, old white racists and sexists in this town who really look down on Louise for running her own business as a single mother. They'd be much happier if it were a white person, preferably a white man, who owned and ran the Haven Lake Bakery. They particularly look down on Louise as a woman for choosing to have a career and support her daughters on her own instead of finding a man and getting married and staying at home with her children, which, as far as they are concerned, is the only legitimate life choice for a woman. Thankfully, despite those idiots, Louise is still able to make enough money with the bakery to provide well for herself and her daughters, but if Louise were male and if she were white, business at the bakery would be better than it already is. A lot better. And she knows that. And she knows that if she were to cave in and just give up on life, maybe marry someone she doesn't love just for security, she'll be proving those jerks right, at least in their minds.
"Now throw her disability into the mix. Louise is already looked down upon by many in this town for her race and especially her gender, for her choice to support herself and her daughters without a man. Sadly, there are some very stupid people in Haven Lake who think that Louise is less intelligent and less capable than she would be if she were male and white. But if you consider the fact that Louise is black, female, and in a wheelchair, that makes it a completely different ballgame. And it's not just the adult citizens of Haven Lake who are watching Louise. Melissa and Angie are watching her, too. If Louise doesn't stay strong and independent, she'll be proving the worst, not just to all these sick morons, but to her daughters as well. Louise knows that her daughters need to see it for themselves that regardless of their gender, regardless of their race, regardless if they're able-bodied or not, they can be just as smart and just as tough and just as capable as anybody else in the world. And when Melissa and Angie are grown, they will know that they can be just as smart and strong and competent as anybody else because their mother has proven to them day in and day out that she is. Don't you see, George? Because of her children, Louise cannot and does not allow her race or her gender or her disability to hold her back from achieving everything that she is capable of. If she did, she would only be teaching Melissa and Angie to let their race and gender and any other obstacles in life hold them back, too.
"It's Louise's powerful spirit and guts and drive and determination to be the best person she possibly can be every single day, for the good Lord's sake, for her children's sake, and for her own sake, that makes her who she is. It's why she cannot and will not accept pity from anyone. It's why she insists on living as independent of a life as she possibly can. It's why she cannot and will not allow anybody to coddle her. She never gets caught up wallowing in self-pity, even though she has more of a right to do so than almost anybody else on this earth. She never allows anyone to feel sorry for her because of her disability, and she never allows anyone to treat her like she's helpless. Because she knows that if she did, she would only be confirming it in the minds of others and in the minds of her children that she is a sad, weak, inept person who cannot live out a good and productive life like able-bodied people can. It's why she cannot and will not allow you or me or anyone to treat her like she's an invalid. It's why it's so important to her to run her own business and pay her own bills and drive herself and her children anywhere they need to go and take care of things herself. The bottom line is, Louise will never give anyone reason to believe that disabled people are less competent at life than able-bodied people, and she will never do anything that she believes would set a bad example for her daughters."
After a very long silence, George sighed, and then he looked at Mark and said, "You know somethin', Mark? For the first two years that Weezy and me were in our luxury apartment on the East Side, I used to make this same speech all the time. It wasn't nothin' but a load of garbage. In my speech, I always liked to go on and on and on about how I climbed the ladder of success, rung by rung, with nothin' but guts, drive, and determination; how I was a self-made man who made it to the top without any help from anybody." Then in the next moment, George laughed bitterly at himself and shook his head and said, "Shoot! If it hadn't been for Weezy, I never wouldda even stepped on that ladder at all! If she hadn't been there, I never wouldda even tried. And if she hadn't been there with me all along like she was, encouraging me when I was down, puttin' up with me when I was mad at the world and takin' it all out on her, pushin' me to keep goin' when I wanted to quit, never lettin' me give up no matter how impossible it seemed, lovin' me every step of the way no matter how unlovable I could be, I never wouldda reached the top like I did.
"But Weezy? Weezy's accomplished more than I could ever hope to. If it were me in that wheelchair, alone with two little girls to raise, I couldn't do it, man. I couldn't. I could never overcome gettin' beaten and raped in that hellhole, over and over and over again. I couldn't take the loss of my legs. I couldn't take tryin' to be both mother and father to two little kids by myself. Me? I make loud, obnoxious speeches about climbin' a ladder – a ladder Weezy was holdin' for me the entire time so that I could climb it. But Weezy? Weezy don't climb ladders. She climbs mountains. Weezy climbs mountains every single day. In a wheelchair. And she does it without makin' one single speech. And you know why Weezy don't make no speeches like I used to do all the time?"
"Why is that, George?" Mark asked quietly.
"Because she doesn't need to. I used to make all those stupid speeches about myself because I was weak and insecure. I thought I needed applause from the rest of the world in order to really be somebody. But Weezy? Weezy don't need speeches or applause from anybody to know that she's really somethin' special. She knows how special she is, how important she is, how extraordinary she is, just by bein' alive now after everything she endured in that hellhole. Weezy may have lost all her memories of her life before the hellhole, but even so, she knows who she is. She ain't gotta make a bunch of loudmouthed speeches about herself to rest of the world to know what a gem she is inside."
"I think it's actually much deeper than that, George. Yes, Louise does know what a remarkable and courageous lady she is for surviving the hellhole. And yes, what you said about Louise not needing to make speeches about herself is indeed true. Louise isn't weak and insecure like you once were, and she doesn't need other people's applause to know that she has infinite worth and value as a unique and priceless creation of the Almighty God. But that's not why Louise doesn't go around making speeches about herself. Louise doesn't go around making speeches to others about all that she's accomplished and how great she is because Louise has different priorities from the ones you've always had. Louise's top priorities are, first of all, to live a life that's pleasing to the good Lord; second, to be the best mother she can be and set the best possible example for her children, and third, to help as many people as possible who need a helping hand. Louise's priorities are God, her children, and others. From what all you've told me, your priorities until recently have always been you, you, and you. It's never once dawned on Louise to worry about whether or not other people knew how great she was, because she's been too busy focusing on Jesus and her daughters and everybody else. But you, until just recently, used to worry about people recognizing how 'great' you were almost constantly, and that was your top priority because, by your own admission, you've been very self-centered all your life. It seems to me that perhaps the good Lord is trying to give you a lesson in priorities, George."
George nodded soberly and said, "You're right. I don't like it, but I know you're right. I always knew that I could be pretty selfish and self-absorbed, but until all of this…I had no idea just how bad it was. How bad I was. But you know how much I wanna change. And I'm here, ain't I? I could be up in my office in Manhattan, workin' my butt off right now, doin' a whole lotta business and makin' a whole lot more money than I'm gonna make with my general managers runnin' the show for me. But I ain't even thought about the business or money the whole time I've been here this week, until I mentioned it just now. Weezy's all I can think about. It's drivin' me crazy. I miss her so much. My life just ain't worth livin' unless I've got Weezy by my side."
"Priorities, George," Mark told George in a scolding tone while wagging his finger at him. "Even now, you're still making it all about you, not Louise."
"What do you mean?"
"What you just said…it almost sounded as if you thought you deserved a medal for thinking about your wife instead of your business and your money all week. And just what are your motives for wanting to get Louise back into your life again, George? What are your true motives? Do you really want Louise back because it's best for her, or do you want Louise back, first and foremost, because of your own comfort? Because you want to get your life back to the status-quo as soon as possible so you can feel comfortable again? It shouldn't be about you having Louise back by your side again so that your life can be comfortable and worth living again, George. It should be about you wanting to be by Louise's side so that you can take care of her, ease some of the very heavy burdens she's carrying, make her painful, difficult life as easy for her to live as possible, and show her as much love as your heart can muster. That should be your main motive for wanting to get Louise back into your life. That is what she deserves. She doesn't deserve a self-serving, self-absorbed, pathetic man who puts her needs and desires second to himself constantly. She deserves much, much better than that. And you know that."
George nodded and said, "I know. I know. And I do want to be by Weezy's side so I can be there for her and make her life easier for her and give her as much love as I can. I do. I just don't always show it like I should. I dunno. The way I was raised…"
"George, you were raised the same way I was. If a man ever made it obvious to anyone how much he loved his woman, and if a man ever did the things his woman needed him to do for her so that she could get the love and appreciation – and, dare I say, respect, that her heart needed – that automatically meant that he was weak, and that he was under her thumb and completely dominated by her, and that he wasn't a real man at all."
"That's right."
"I used to buy into all that garbage, too, when I was a teenage boy. But then one day when I was a young man, I stopped for a moment, and I thought about that. I really thought about that. If a man meeting his woman's emotional and psychological needs for love and appreciation and warmth and respect, and not being ashamed of his love for his woman, makes him weak and not a real man, then what defines a 'real' man? The opposite of that, right? By that definition, a so-called 'real' man is a jerk who cruelly deprives his woman of the love, appreciation, and respect she needs and makes her starve to death on the inside just to save his selfish pride and make himself look macho in front of his buddies, all of whom probably have single-digit I.Q.s. A so-called 'real man' is a cold, heartless, self-absorbed verbal and emotional abuser – at the very least – who thinks it's shameful to give his woman the love and respect she needs; who expects his woman to make him the center of her world twenty-four-seven while hypocritically refusing to do the same for her. A so-called 'real man' is a pathetic hypocrite who expects his woman to openly show him all the love and respect in the world, while he keeps his love and respect for her hidden almost constantly because he thinks openly showing love and appreciation and respect to his woman is an embarrassment. Do you not see what a disgusting false picture of manhood that is, George? It's like our fathers were a bunch of pathetic kindergarteners who never grew up, still believing, even in adulthood, that all females everywhere have cooties! And openly showing a woman love and warmth and respect? Oh, no! That'll give us even more cooties! Do you not see how ridiculous that is? Do you not see how badly so much of the male gender needs to grow up?"
George knowingly laughed at himself, at all of the ridiculous false ideas he'd grown up with, and he admitted, "Yeah, you're right, man. I never really took the time to think about all that before, but you're right. It is a pretty sad and pathetic picture of manhood."
"A false picture of manhood. Real manhood isn't like that, George. I realized that when I got to thinking about it that day. Real men don't consider it an embarrassment to be thoughtful and loving and considerate and respectful of their women. Real men aren't afraid to show their women chivalry and romance and affection so that they can get the love they need. Real men are willing, more than willing, to do whatever is needed to make their women feel loved and respected and valued. Real men care about the well-being of their women. Real men don't cruelly starve their women to death on the inside just to satisfy their own selfish pride and make themselves look macho to the world. Real men make their women their first priority – after the good Lord, that is - and not their last priority or next-to-last priority."
After several long, silent moments, George nodded and told Mark, "Like I just said, I never really thought about it before, but now that I do think about it, you're right. I never even realized it before. I mean, like I said earlier, I always knew I was selfish, but it wasn't until recently that I finally began to understand just how awful I was. I see it now that all through our marriage, I was almost always my first priority, and Weezy was always my last or next-to-last priority. And I thought I was bein' such a good husband just by makin' her a priority at all, even if she was my last one. And I know how bad I've always been about bein' embarrassed to let on to others how much I love Weezy for fear that they might think I was under her thumb."
"It's a pretty sad irony about our gender, isn't it, George? Many men, or so-called 'men,' are terrified that showing their wives a little bit of affection and romance will make their buddies think they're under their wives' thumbs. Yet the male gender, as a whole, has had no problem using all means at its disposal, including rape and abuse, to keep the female gender under its thumb for centuries. Males are terrified of even the mere appearance of what they've been doing to females for hundreds, thousands of years, without the slightest thought or prick of conscience. Furthermore, so many silly little boys out there masquerading as men think that showing their wives chivalry, opening a door for their wives or buying her roses to show her some love, means that they're under their wives thumbs. Shoot! They need to walk a mile in a battered and abused wife's shoes! They need to learn what it feels like to be married to someone bigger and stronger they are, who can rape them and hit them and beat them within a hair of their lives at the drop of a hat. Then they'll know what 'being under someone's thumb' really means. Some men really are so stupid that they believe they have it hard and bad just because their wives want affection and romance. Prideful men see that as their wives trying to control them when that isn't it at all. Affection and romance and acts of chivalry are often things women need to feel loved. And when women ask for those things from their men, they're simply trying to get the love from them that they need, and there's nothing wrong with that. They're not trying to control their men and they're not trying to humiliate their men. They're just trying to get the love they need, which is perfectly understandable. Name one person on this planet who doesn't need love."
"Well I can see a man bein' all romantic and stuff when he's young and in love and dating and all that, but shouldn't they be past all of that after they've been married a long time?"
After a pause, Mark looked at George and asked, "What would you say about a woman who keeps herself all pretty and dolled up when she and her boyfriend are young and dating, but then she just completely lets herself go after they get married and she loses all her sex appeal and her husband can no longer stomach the thought of making love to her. Think for a moment, as a man, how that would make you feel." In those moments, Mark could easily see the gears turning in George's head, and he knew he could see where his train of thought was headed. And he knew George didn't like the destination. "It would make you feel lied to and hurt and betrayed, wouldn't it? Like she pulled the old bait-and-switch on you. Like she was only using you to get a wedding ring out of you. Like she had lied to you about who she really was when you were dating, just completely misrepresented herself to you, and didn't care about your feelings at all."
"Yeah," George agreed.
"I'd feel that way, too. And why would we feel that way? Because we men, as a whole, are wired to get our need for love and emotional connection met through sex. And if a man's wife no longer puts in the effort to look good for him, and he loses his attraction to her and their sex life suffers because of it, he's left feeling love-starved and out in the cold. But did you ever once stop to think what it's like for women, George? Have you ever once thought about their side of things? Women don't always get their need for love met through sex alone. Women often need things like hugs and romantic gestures and flowers and cards and a night out on the town to feel loved. Men do those things during the dating years, but after marriage happens, they often stop. Have you ever stopped to think that that's men's way of pulling the same bait-and-switch tactic on women? Have you ever stopped to think that that hurting wife whose husband has stopped giving her flowers and hugs and dinner dates feels the same exact way as that husband whose wife is no longer putting in the effort to look appealing and attractive for him? Just as women out there who only put in the effort to look good for their men during the dating years and not after they get married are wrong, men are equally wrong to only give their women affection and chivalry and romance during the dating years and stop after they get married. Just as some women out there are wrong to falsely present themselves in the dating years as someone who will be desirable and willing to met their husband's need for love through sex after marriage, and then renege on it after the wedding rings go on, men are just as wrong to falsely present themselves in the dating years as someone who will meet their wife's need for love through gestures of romance and affection, and then renege on it after they get married.
"I've heard men complain sometimes that women expect us men to think like they do, to basically become women in men's bodies. But did you ever stop to think, George, that men can be just as bad about that as women can be? When men coldly and selfishly expect their wives to go without receiving the things they need as women to feel loved, aren't men basically asking women to be men in women's bodies? To think and feel entirely like we do? By acting like doing the things they need to feel loved is an embarrassment, aren't we men sending the cold and cruel message that women are so worthless, so vile, so unworthy of love, such pieces of crap, even, that we think giving them the love they need is humiliating? It's not embarrassing or humiliating to give love to a person if we truly value them, is it? So why do men find it embarrassing to do the things women need to feel loved? Because men, as a whole, have bought into the satanic lie for centuries that women are vile and worthless. For thousands of years, men as a whole have believed the satanic lie that they can only be 'real men' if they disrespect and disregard their wives and treat them like manure, or at the very least, like they're subhuman. Like they're property. Like they're slaves. Like they're beneath us and not our equals. Like they're unworthy of true respect and consideration. The more a man dominates – even abuses – his woman, the more a man puts himself first and his woman last, the more of a man he is. Come on, George. We've both been taught by our fathers, our grandfathers, and our idiot buddies, to think that way our whole lives, and we both know it. And we both know that it's a complete load of sexist, abuse-enabling crap."
George remained silent for a very long time, just letting Mark's hard words really sink in – all of them. Mark's bitterly truthful words hurt, they hurt a lot, and they were very hard to hear, but George knew it way deep down in his gut just how right Mark was about everything he'd just said. And furthermore, George knew that Mark's words weren't just from Mark; he knew that God, Himself was using Mark to say these hard things to him that he'd needed to hear for decades.
Finally, George sighed and said, "I know you're right, Mark. I know you're right. All these years, Weezy's always given me the best of herself, and I've only given her the worst of myself. I know Weezy's always deserved better. I know I've changed since findin' out the truth about everything Weezy went through in that hellhole, but I also know I've got a long way to go. A very long way to go."
Mark then slapped George on the back and told him, "If it makes you feel any better, George, I think you're making good progress."
In that moment, George looked over at Mark with a hopeful glance and asked, "You really think so?"
Mark nodded and said, "I do. But just because you've made good progress from where you started out doesn't mean you get to stop and take a breather. You have to keep going, George. You have to keep working on yourself; keep improving; keep following where the good Lord leads. You've been a sexist for literally your entire life, and that old way of thinking has got to go. If you're really serious about becoming the kind of husband that Louise deserves, becoming the man God always intended you to be, you've got to keep at it, despite how hard it can be. You've got to fight those sinful, sexist, hurtful thoughts and attitudes within yourself every single day, and you can't stop the fight for a moment, because that old way of thinking can take root in you again so easily, if you allow it to."
"It sounds exhausting," George sighed.
Mark chuckled a bit and said, "Only after you've spent more than two decades being treated the way you've treated Louise, and only after you've endured rape and beatings and torture in the hellhole, and only after you've had to learn how to live life from a wheelchair, run your own business, and raise two children on your own…only after all of that do you have the right to complain about exhaustion."
George knowingly nodded and said, "Yeah, you've got a good point. And I know how prideful and arrogant and macho and stupid I can be a lot of the time. I know I've always felt like I had to hide my love for Louise because I grew up with the stupid and wrong idea that bein' open about my love and affection for her would make me less of a man. I know that Weezy's gotten a pretty sorry deal from me emotionally all these years, and I know she deserves better. But even though I do a lotta talk about how I wanna make everything about me and how I want Weezy by my side again and all that…that's all it really is, Mark. Just talk. I know I've been pretty pathetic at showin' it over the years, but the truth is, I really do wanna get Weezy back into my life, not because of me, not because of my own selfish comfort, but because I really am worried about Weezy. She's been through pure hell and I know it, and I know her health is fragile, and I don't want her to be alone. I want to take care of her. I want to be there for her. I want to give her all the love I can and I want to make her hard and painful life as easy for her as possible. I do. I really do."
Mark nodded and said, "I know you do, George. And I know the path you're walking is not an easy one. I know how worried you are about Louise, and I know that you think this outing with the girls this weekend is too much for her. I worry about Louise too sometimes. And I know that sometimes, it can be very difficult to find the right balance between not coddling or smothering Louise and not letting her push herself too hard."
"How do you find the right balance, Mark? How have you been doin' it all these years?"
"I just play it by ear."
"Meaning…?"
"I listen to her. You could try it sometime, you know. My grandmother always told me that's why God gave us two ears and only one mouth: because we're supposed to listen twice as much as we speak. If you go over and see Louise before tomorrow morning and you try to push her into canceling the trip and staying home, that's only going to make her feel like you see her as a weak cripple and nothing more, and it's only going to make her more determined to go. Furthermore, even though it's only been a couple of months since Louise was in the hospital, I think this little field trip with the girls really is something that she needs. I think she needs to go out and do something with her daughters that's fun and educational; something that'll help take her mind off everything she's been through recently. But when she gets back from her trip, that's where the listening part comes in. When you see Louise again on Tuesday morning, pay close attention to her. If the trip has worn her out, chances are, you'll be able to see it in her face how tired she is. And most likely, she'll mention it in conversation that she plans on taking a nap during her lunch break. And if she does mention it, that'll be your opportunity to offer to help Frank and Heather look after the bakery for her so she can sleep in for as long as she needs to. And I'm sure she'll need more sleep than what she'd get during her lunch break. You just have to be careful not to make it sound like you're trying to coddle her or treat her like she's helpless. If there's even a hint of that way of thinking in your attitude, I'm telling you now, Louise will pick up on it in an instant, and you won't get anywhere."
Again, George thought long and hard about what Mark was telling him, and eventually, he nodded once more and said, "Thanks for the advice."
Mark nodded and told George, "Of course. I know that it can't be easy, having to go to another man for advice on…on how to talk with your own wife."
"You're right. It ain't easy. But I know deep down that you're right about everything you said. And I also know…that you ain't no ordinary man," George admitted. And then he looked Mark right in the eyes and told him, "No ordinary man could survive the hellhole. No ordinary woman could survive it, either. I don't always like you, Mark. As a matter of fact, a lot of the time, I hate your guts because you're so much closer to Weezy than I am right now. But despite all that, I want you to know that I'll always respect you for everything you've done for Weezy all these years."
Mark gave George an understanding nod and said, "I get it, George. I really do. And I don't blame you a bit. If the tables were turned between us and I were in your shoes, I'd hate your guts, too." Mark and George laughed then, and a few moments later, Mark said, "And I want you to know that I respect you, too, George. And I also respect yours and Louise's marriage. For the past six years, I've been the man of Louise's life, and it isn't easy to let go and step aside, but I want you to know that I will let go and step aside, because I know that it's the right thing to do. And I know that the challenge you're facing is not an easy one. I know that this is probably the hardest thing you've ever done."
"You're right," George agreed. "It is."
"I realize that. But I want you to know that I'll do everything I can to help you. And I want you to know that I'll never do anything to try and hinder your relationship with Louise. Your relationship…with your wife."
"I know you won't," George said quietly. And it was true. Mark was a man of integrity, a man of honor, and George knew that. And despite the sea of pride within his heart, he also knew that Mark was a better man than he was right now, and that the best thing he could do was to humble himself and learn from him, no matter how hard his prideful heart kicked and screamed and protested against it inside.
Then after the usual pleasantries, George said goodbye to Mark and headed back to the B&B.
George, Lionel, and Mark were all there at the bakery early the next morning to see Louise and the girls and Mrs. Hendrix off. And then George and Lionel returned to the B&B, where Lionel watched George pace constantly for most of the day. That Sunday morning, Lionel bid his father goodbye and got on a plane for Texas, and after he left, George continued a painful cycle of worrying and pacing that lasted through the rest of the day and Monday. Thankfully, George had gotten Louise to agree to call him during her mini-vacation at least once per day, and hearing from her did settle him down some, but he still worried a great deal. A big part of him had actually wanted to follow Louise's van to Philadelphia, but thankfully, his own common sense – along with the leadings of the Holy Spirit – prevailed. The Holy Spirit soon helped George to realize that if he did try to secretly follow after Louise and spy on her, and if she happened to catch him, she could easily misunderstand and come to the disturbing conclusion that he was trying to stalk her. So as hard as it was for George, he stayed in his B&B and anxiously waited for Louise's return.
Early that Tuesday morning, George was right there outside Louise's bakery. It was eight-thirty, and even though Louise wouldn't be opening the bakery up for another half hour, she smiled at George and let him in when she saw him outside.
"You're quite the early-bird today, aren't you, George?" she asked him with a friendly smile.
"I'm early 'cause I missed you, Louise," he told her honestly.
Again, Louise smiled, and she told him, "You're so sweet. Would you like to sit down and have something to eat? Can I get you anything?"
"Yes and no. Yes, I'd love to sit down with you for a while. No, I don't want nothin' to eat. At least not yet. I'd like to hear all about your trip with the girls first."
"Alright, George," Louise said pleasantly, and then she wheeled herself over to the nearest table, and George sat down with her, and he hung on every word she said as she talked about everything she and the girls and Mrs. Hendrix did while they were away in Philadelphia.
Fifteen minutes later, after Louise had told George all about her trip with the girls, they were smiling and laughing with each other. And then things got a little more serious when George said, "It sounds like y'all had a great time."
Louise nodded and told him, "We did."
"But it also sounds tiring. I mean, even though I'm perfectly healthy, I know that if I did all that runnin' around with the girls for three days straight, and all the drivin' on top of that, I'd feel pretty worn out right now. It's just a fact of life at our age."
Louise chuckled and said, "You're right. It is."
"I can only imagine how tired you must be feelin'."
"Oh, don't worry. Two big, beautiful, steaming hot cups of very strong coffee took care of that earlier this morning. Now, I'm wide awake."
"Oh no, Louise," George groaned. "Not coffee again. You know what the cardiologist says."
"He doesn't have two little children to provide for and a bakery to run. I do."
"If all that coffee hurts your heart and you get sick again and have to go back into the hospital for a long time, you won't be able to do anything for your little girls or your bakery."
"George, please. I'm doing the best I can."
"No-no, Louise, love, I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean it like that at all. I wasn't tryin' to make you feel guilty or give you a hard time. I know that you always do the best you can every single day, for your little girls, for your employees, for your customers, for everybody. But if you keep on like you're goin', pushin' yourself too hard, not payin' enough attention to your doctors, not payin' enough attention to your health, you won't be able to give everyone your best anymore. At some point, Louise, you've just got to stop and slow down and take care of yourself. For the girls' sakes and for all our sakes, because we love you so much."
Louise nodded and said, "I know, George. I know."
"I tell you what. When the coffee starts to wear off around mid-morning or so, and you start feelin' tired again, just let me know, and I'll take over for you down here while you go upstairs and get some good sleep."
"That's very kind of you, George, and I do appreciate it, but it's really not necessary. I'll just go upstairs and take a good nap during my lunch break."
"But then when will you eat lunch?"
Louise laughed and said, "I may not be morbidly obese, but we both know I am not a size two! If anybody can stand to skip a meal every now and then, it's me! It'll probably do me some good."
"Well I happen to think that lettin' me help out around here over the next few days or so, so that you can eat three meals a day like you're supposed to and get all the rest you need will do you even more good," George stubbornly insisted, and Louise smiled.
"That really is very thoughtful and sweet of you, George, and I do appreciate it, but as a fellow business owner, you know how wrong it would be to let your own customers do your work for you."
"I'm not just a customer, Louise."
"I know that, too. You made it quite clear while we were being held hostage that you're in love with me. And to be honest, you were making it quite clear even before that."
Sensing Louise's discomfort, George admitted, "I know I've been comin' on kinda strong ever since I started comin' around to Haven Lake to visit you, but I never meant to scare you, Louise. Honest."
"I know you never meant to frighten me. But you are right when you say you've been coming on pretty strong. You have. I know that you have dreams of you and me being in a romantic relationship someday. You've even mentioned it a few times that you dream of us being married someday."
"You're right. I do."
"But there's something you've got to understand about me, George. Yes, most women do want to be in a romantic relationship and get married, especially to a man like you who's successful and wealthy. But I am not most women. When I tell you that I have absolutely no interest in ever being with a man, even a rich and successful businessman like you, I'm being dead serious. If you don't mind my asking, how old are you, George?"
"Fifty-two."
"How old were you in your very first memory?"
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe four or five."
"So you've got forty-seven, maybe forty-eight years of memories to go on in your mind."
"That's right."
"I have six. For you, your life began with your mother and your father by your side. I know how poor you were, but still, you had a roof over your head and parents who loved you and cared for you and gave you the security and stability that every child needs."
"That's right."
"My life began with beatings and rape in the hellhole, with both of my legs broken beyond all repair. At first, it honestly didn't appear that I was going to survive. And when Mark and Melissa and I finally were rescued and I was in the hospital, the doctors were saying I didn't have a chance. And then they were saying I was pregnant, possibly with a special needs child, and that I was crazy and a complete fool for choosing not to murder my baby in cold blood; for even trying to bring my daughter into the world safely. They were saying that I would surely die in childbirth and leave my special needs baby all alone in the world without a mother. Thanks be to Almighty God, Mark stuck by me and took care of Angie and me and put a roof over our heads, and helped me get through the pregnancy and the birth. And then after giving birth to Angie and recovering from that terrible ordeal and going through physical therapy and rehab in Mark's home, I was finally strong enough to start my own career and move out on my own. I was finally in a place where I could start providing for my own child properly instead of unfairly depending on Mark all the time to take care of my responsibilities for me. And then after Garrett died and left the bakery and the apartment to me and after I was able to be reunited with Melissa and adopt her, things have finally started to become at least a little calm in my life. Yes, life is always hectic with two young children to raise, but even so, my life is nothing like the constant, relentless, raging hurricane it once was for so long. I'm finally in a place…where I'm able to settle down inside and relax a bit. And I don't want anything to mess with it. It's taken me so long to get my life where it is now, and I don't want a man or anything else to change it. I don't mean to hurt your feelings, George, but after what that monster did to me in that hellhole, and after all the horror stories I've heard from abused wives in my support group, I have a very hard time trusting most men. So many times, I've heard from battered wives about how wonderful their husbands were in the beginning. They were so charming. So thoughtful. So romantic. So caring. They were there for them and they looked after them when they were sick or struggling. Then, as soon as they tied the knot and were alone with their abusers behind closed doors, that charming, thoughtful, romantic, caring mask of fake love flew off, and their life in hell began. Well I've already been to hell, George. And I don't want to risk going back. And that's precisely what a romantic relationship is to me: a risk of going back to hell. I'm not saying this because I want to hurt you or make you feel bad. I don't want to do that, George. I really don't."
"I know," George whispered, visibly fighting off tears.
"But I owe it to you to be completely honest with you. George, if you truly believe you and I have any chance at all at a future together, at any kind of romantic relationship together, you have to know that you're deceiving yourself. That's something I don't have within me to give. Not to you. Not to Mark. Not to any man. I can give you friendship, but that's all. Can you understand that?"
George slowly nodded and said, "I get it, Louise. I do. I'd give anything if I could just come into your life and take care of you and the girls and make everything better, but I get it now that me comin' on like that scares you, and that's the last thing I wanna do. I'm finally startin' to get it through my thick skull that lovin' somebody, really lovin' somebody, means puttin' their needs above your desires. And I do love you, Louise. I really do. And even though I so want for us to be together someday – together as man and wife – I understand that you're not comfortable with that. And even though it's not easy for me as a millionaire who's gotten used to gettin' what he wants the instant he wants it, I will respect your feelings. I do respect your feelings. And I respect you. And if you're only comfortable with us bein' friends right now, I can accept that. I want you to know that I'll always be here, should you ever change your mind–"
"I won't," Louise insisted.
"I know. But if you ever do, I'll always be here. But I get it. As of right here, right now, today, it has to be friendship and nothing else."
"That's right. Friendship is the only thing there ever can be between us, George, and you need to make your peace with that and accept it."
"I understand. And me…offerin' to take care of things down here in the bakery for you for the next few days so you can rest…that makes you nervous, doesn't it? That makes you feel scared because of your friends in your support group. Because of how their abusers were with them in the beginning."
Louise nodded and told George truthfully, "Yes."
George nodded then too and said, "I get it. I'm sorry, Louise. I never meant to frighten you."
"I know you didn't."
"I know I have a bad habit of comin' on too strong. But it's only because I care so much. It's only because I love you. I know that people tend to say those words to each other way too easily, without really meanin' it, but I do mean it. I really do love you, and when I see you pushin' yourself so hard all the time, tryin' to take care of everybody and everything all at once, puttin' your health at risk, it breaks my heart. And it scares me. I don't wanna see you back in another hospital bed, havin' to get your heart shocked again, because you didn't listen to your doctor, didn't do what he said, drank too much coffee, pushed yourself too hard, and made yourself sick. I don't wanna scare you, I don't wanna come on too strong, but there's gotta be some middle ground between me not comin' on too strong and you lettin' the people who love you help you out around here so you don't push yourself too hard and wreck your health."
After a pause, Louise said, "How about this? If you're really that worried about it, and if it means that much to you, I'll have Frank take over the bakery for me today like he did yesterday while I was gone. He can take over everything down here for me from the end of our lunch break through the rest of the day while I have a good nap."
"And all day tomorrow."
"Okay. I'll give you half of today and tomorrow, but Thursday, I'm back on the job."
"Fair enough."
"Thank you for all your concern, George. And thank you for respecting my boundaries. Thank you for respecting me."
George nodded and said, "Of course. I understand where you're comin' from, love, and I wanna do everything I can to help you, and I wanna do it without scaring you. You call the shots in all of this, Louise. You decide what you're ready for and when you're ready for it. I won't do anything that you feel uncomfortable with."
"Thank you."
"Now that that's all settled and we've come through the Friendship Negotiations and the Time Off For Rest Negotiations successfully, I wanna open a third round of negotiations."
"What kind of negotiations?"
"Coffee Negotiations."
"Forget it, George."
"How many cups do you usually drink every day?"
"It varies. Sometimes two cups, sometimes three."
"Well this friend of yours, who loves you very much, would really appreciate it if you would switch to decaf."
"No. Negotiations closed," said Louise, and then she wheeled herself back from the table and turned her wheelchair around and started wheeling herself into the kitchen, with George anxiously following behind.
"How about drinkin' one cup regular and one cup decaf?" George asked.
"No," Louise responded as she got further away from him and closer to the kitchen.
"I'll give you a hundred bucks," George told Louise as he followed her into the kitchen.
"No," Louise insisted as she and George continued to (lovingly) argue about it back and forth in the kitchen.
There was still a very long way to go, and George knew it. And while he wanted to get to the end of the rainbow with Louise so badly, George sensed it inside that he'd already come a long way with her today. And as hard as it was for someone as impatient as George, he knew he would gladly wait for Louise forever if he had to. Because he knew that Louise was more than worth it.
