For Sara

Word Count: 1202


ten minutes after

He never actually expected for them to win. Now that they have, Rabastan isn't sure what to do with himself. He stands in the crowd, numb as he stares at Harry Potter's body, paraded around as the Dark Lord laughs with fiendish glee.

"We did it," Rodolphus says, grinning at him.

Rabastan doesn't return the grin. They are victorious, and the world is theirs for the taking. He should be thrilled, of course. This is what he signed up for. This is what he's supposed to want.

Except he doesn't. He only ever joined so that his brother would be proud of him.

When he runs, no one calls out for him; no asks him where he's going or why he doesn't celebrate.

She screams when she sees him. Rabastan holds his hands up, desperate for her to understand that he isn't a thread. "It's over, Andi," he tells her. "Merlin… It…"

He takes a deep breath, hating the way it trembles when he exhales. He tells her everything, even the parts he knows will hurt her the most. During the battle, he had tried to keep Bellatrix away from Tonks because she was Andromeda's daughter, and the thought of Andromeda suffering was too much. In the end, he had failed.

"What do you want from me?" she asks, dark eyes narrowing at him.

"They're coming for you," he says. "Bellatrix has had a price on your head for a very long time. Her death did not erase that."

Andromeda closes her eyes, tears falling and leaving a glistening trail down her cheeks. After several moments, she opens them again. "You didn't answer my question."

"You already know what I want."

It's what he's always wanted. He had been too scared to embrace it, to put her before his own selfish desire for glory and power. Still, he had never stopped loving her, had never stopped trying to keep her safe.

"You can bring the boy," he tells her.

one day after

Rabastan has never wanted children. They're loud and smelly and annoying.

The baby cries and screams, and he thinks his head might explode. There's a painful pounding, and he is afraid his skull might actually split open. Maybe it should. Perhaps bone fragments lodging into his brain would be a peaceful death, quick and easy.

"Doesn't it ever shut up?" he asks, pacing the length of the living room.

They've found safety in a house by the sea. The Muggles who own it had found themselves suddenly eager to go on holiday to some exotic place for a few weeks. Andromeda hadn't approved, but she hadn't put up much of a fight.

"Teddy is not an it," she huffs, appearing with the wailing infant, rocking him in her arms and making soothing sounds to comfort him.

She looks so beautiful when he does it, and it hurts. He could have had this life with her if he hadn't been such a coward. They could have married and started a family. They could have had silly, mundane chats over breakfast and arguments that don't matter because they are so in love.

She catches him staring and lifts her brows. "What?"

"Nothing," he says quietly.

Can they still have something beautiful? Andromeda is not exactly warm to him, but she accepts that he is with her. It's probably only because he is trying so hard to keep her safe, not because she actually loves him.

But love can bloom. Love can find a way. He has to believe.

two months after

He hates having to move so much, but he knows it is the only way. By now, the others know of his betrayal. Whenever he sees wanted signs or articles about fugitives, his name and picture appear among them. They accuse him of treason.

Maybe he is a traitor, but he doesn't care. He would betray anyone and everyone if it meant keeping Andromeda safe.

He only wishes he hadn't waited so long.

three months after

The latest house is in the countryside. It's the sort of place Rabastan might have dreamt of once.

Sitting outside on the porch swing, he studies his forearm, frowning at the Dark Mark that stains his skin. He wonders if he could get rid of it. It isn't a regular tattoo, and he imagines it goes deeper than his skin. Still, he is tempted to find a knife and flay his own arm for the sake of escaping the constant reminder that he has failed.

"Teddy's asleep," Andromeda tells him, stepping outside.

Rabastan nods. He will never admit it, but he's grown fond of the kid. Maybe Andromeda suspects it, but she doesn't say anything. Sometimes she offers him a knowing smile, like she has caught on to some great secret.

She sits beside him, resting her hand in his. "I never thanked you," she says. "If you found me so easily, I can only imagine what an entire mob of Death Eaters could have done."

"I love you, Andi," he says softly. He has not dared to voice those words since he was sixteen, but they still fall from his lips so naturally, and he means the now just as much as he had meant them then. "I would do anything to keep you safe."

She leans in, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. "I still love you," she tells him, smiling sadly. "You were always such a good memory."

"I don't have to be a memory anymore."

They kiss again, sweet and bordering on chaste. He would love to explore every inch of her, to touch her the way he used to. But this is so precious, so delicate, and he doesn't want to rush it. Everything has to be perfect; Andromeda deserves nothing less.

five months later

For a moment, he truly believes that they can have it all. Andromeda greets him each morning with a kiss and a smile. Teddy grows, and Rabastan feels like he is watching his own child. The pride swells within his chest.

This is what it's like to be normal, to live in a loving home. He's never known he was missing it until now.

He's nearly home, arms burdened with groceries. It's strange that he is actually out here, buying groceries. What a mundane thing to do.

And yet this is his life now, and he loves it.

His joy fades the moment he approaches the gate. There, above the small farmhouse, is the emblem he's spent the past several months hating. The skull and serpent hang menacingly in the air, declaring that tragedy has struck.

The bags fall from his grip, and he is suddenly choking. Without a second thought, he draws his wand, running.

He should have known they would find him eventually.

He had wanted to keep Andromeda safe. It's just another failure on his part.

He bursts through the door. Andromeda is sprawled on the ground, Teddy still in her arms. Neither move, and Rabastan knows they never will again.

He drops his wand, falling to his knees, screaming. When the footsteps come behind him, he doesn't fight. The green light is almost a relief.