Piper pressed her forehead against Alex's. "I can't do this," she breathed, closing her eyes. Alex tried to pull away but Piper held her close, their hearts beating in time with each other's. The blonde ignored Alex's tears splashing onto her own cheeks. She was surprisingly strong as she clutched her tightly.

"Why not?" Alex whispered. She hated how pathetic her voice sounded, how it wisped into the air so weakly. She hesitated. "Do you...not want me?"

Piper tucked a strand of Alex's hair behind her ear, a soft laugh escaping. "Of course I do," she said, her hand caressing Alex's neck. Her voice caught in her throat. "More than anything."

It was the truth, so why did she find it so hard to say? The words seemed to stick in her throat.

"Then why not?"

Piper sucked in a breath. "Do you want it to be now? The first time? When your face is blotchy and red and you can't breathe through tears?" She released her grip on Alex, her fingers leaving red marks on the white skin of Alex's arm. She chewed on her bottom lip. "Sweetie, I don't want you to wake up in the morning…" she paused, looking to the floor. "And see me as another mistake you made."

Alex cringed at the words. She turned away, pushing her glasses up on her head and rubbing her eyes. "I would never think that, Piper," she whispered.

Piper nodded swiftly, turning away. She wiped at her own eyes, taking a breather. "Maybe not," she said, her voice monotone now, all traces of weakness gone as she dabbed at her face with her sleeve. "But let's not take that chance, hm?"

The moment had passed. It was like Piper's walls were up again, and the words simply business ran through Alex's head like a rabid dog.

Alex covered her eyes with the palm of her hand, pushing down hard until she saw multicolored spots under her eyelids. A hiccup escaped from her lips as she tried to force the hyperventilating to end. Strangled breathing rasped through the room.

It was as if the dam inside her had burst. No-one could stop the floodwaters now, and keeping it inside for weeks had been one of the hardest things she'd ever done. Seeing Nicky on that floor replayed in her mind every night before she went to sleep.

"It's all I see," Alex murmured through her hands. "Every time I close my eyes, every single time."

Piper watched, her eyes softening. "It won't be forever," she said, her forehead creasing. "I promise you, it won't be forever."

Alex drew her knees up to her chest. She looked like Bambi - all legs and sad eyes. Piper watched her as she rested her chin on her legs.

"Do you ever wonder why people are the way they are?"

Piper nibbled on her nail, ripping away a hangnail. All the time, she thought. The thought had first crossed her mind when she was small, small enough that the memory was hazy at the edges.

Her mom had watched her ballet recital, sat amongst the gaggle of other proud mothers. Piper had bounded over to her, a grin plastered over her tiny features. It had been a perfect day, until her mother opened her mouth.

She smoothed down Piper's hair, tucking a strand that had come loose of her chignon behind her ear and taking her hand in her own. "Your pirouettes were wobbly. But lovely performance, darling…"

She hadn't heard the end of her mom's sentence. The ringing in her ears had covered it. Every part of her felt wobbly after that, including her chin. Yet her mom never understood the tears that splashed down her cheeks.

She'd wondered it when she saw Polly hanging off Larry's arm a few weeks ago, throwing her head back laughing. It had hurt, but not as much as it once would have; she pretended not to know why.

And now. Now she was left wondering why she was like this, as she shook her head. Why Alex was opening up to her, and she was putting her shutters up. But her head kept on shaking and she looked to the brunette crying on her bedroom floor.

"I do," Alex said, rubbing the knuckle of her pointer finger on her chin in thought. Her hand dipped into her pocket and she felt the plastic of the little heroin baggie. She nodded, "I wonder."

Piper raised her eyebrows, waiting for her to continue, but she didn't. Instead, Alex flew to her feet.

"I have to go," Alex said. Her hand still in her pocket, she clutched the bag in her fist. "I have something I have to do."

Piper looked at her, then stood up too. Her brow furrowed at the sudden change of plan. "Like what?"

Alex ducked her head. "Business."

Piper's eyebrows shot up. "Business? I thought your business was taking a backseat to studying."

"And you thought Taystee was a sweet girl making cash by doing homework." Alex stared at a mark on the wall before looking Piper in the eye. Her green eyes were dark as she turned. "I guess we were both wrong."


Alex fled up to her bedroom as she arrived home, ignoring her mom's calls. Alex was Diane's world, but there were times that Alex just couldn't deal with her. The door almost came off of its hinges behind her, echoing through the empty hallway. Alex slid down the wall in her bedroom, small flakes of paint chipping off as she did so.

"Honey, you okay?" Diane called, chunky knit cardigan draped around her skinny shoulders. Alex sniffed and wiped the tears away.

"I'm fine, mom," she called back. She hoped her mom couldn't guess from the stuffy voice that she'd been crying. "I'll come down and make dinner soon, okay?"

Diane hesitated, but nodded to herself. "Okay, honey. I'll be waiting for you. Don't stay up there too long, will you?" There was an anxious edge to her voice. Alex covered her eyes and pretended that she hadn't heard it.

From her pocket she pulled the little baggie of white powder. Who would have thought such a little thing could cause so much trouble?

Tipping it out onto the back of her hand, Alex sniffed the powder in one fell swoop. It wasn't as good as injecting it, she'd heard, but it didn't leave the track marks and she didn't need the questioning.

Alex stared at the baggie on the floor, empty now. It looked so innocent. Resting her head back on the wall, Alex closed her eyes. She ignored the beeping from her phone, and tried to block out the rest of the world.


Meanwhile, Piper held her own phone to her ear. "Please pick up, Alex," Piper said in yet another message. "I'm worried about you."

The blonde set her phone down and drummed her fingers, wishing she'd held Alex close and not let her leave. Wishing she'd chased after her. Wishing that she'd done anything to help. She came to a stand, unable to take it anymore. Throwing on a hoodie and for once not caring about the state of her hair, Piper grabbed her keys.

If Alex wouldn't come to her, then she would find Alex.

"Sweetie?" Piper said, sticking her head around Alex's door. Alex's mom had let her in with a worried smile, stating that she wasn't sure Alex would be up for visitors, but that she was more than welcome to try.

Alex didn't say anything and Piper saw a mess of brunette hair fanned out on the floor. She eased the door open and fell to the floor as she saw Alex. She didn't stir as Piper squeezed her arm. Piper's heart thudded wildly in her chest.

Shaking her, Piper brushed dark strands of hair out of her eyes. "Alex?" Piper held her lolling head straight. "What have you done? Alex?"

It was then that she noticed the little empty baggie on the floor.

"Oh, Alex…" Piper said. "Why this? Why now?"

Alex giggled softly, her eyes rolling back in her head. "You sound like my mom."

"That's because I'm worried," Piper said, frowning. She stroked Alex's forehead as the brunette nuzzled into her. "Do you feel okay?" Piper asked. "Do I need to call someone?"

"No!" Alex said, seemingly sobering up at least a little. She shook her head. "I'll be okay," she slurred.

Piper bit her lip, still not convinced.

"I just need to sleep it off. Will you sleep it off with me, Piper?"

Piper smiled faintly. She was holding back tears, yet she nodded her head. "I have to do something first, okay? But I'll be back."

"Don't go," Alex said.

Piper pulled her to her feet, slipping an arm around her waist. "Come on," Piper said, her breath tickling Alex's neck. "Let's get you to bed."

"I don't wanna go to bed."

"I'll come back and join you soon, okay?" Anger was building beneath her surface, but she kept a lid on it for Alex.

"Mhm."

Piper helped Alex lie down. She wasn't sure what to do for the best, and as the brunette's breathing evened out, Piper pressed her lips together. She pulled her shoes off, leaving them by the side of her bed. She looked comfortable, at the very least.

Then she eased her into the recovery position and pulled a blanket over her sleeping form, tucking her in. She hesitated. Stooping down, she planted a quick kiss on Alex's forehead. "I'll be back soon," she whispered. "I promise I'll be back soon."

Piper looked down worriedly. But without getting Alex into trouble, there was little more she could do. With mixed feelings, she quietly came out of the room and poked her head into the living room. Alex's mom sat on the couch, staring into nothingness. Her eyes were glassy. Piper hesitated for a moment, not knowing what to call her. "Um, miss…"

Diane's head whipped round. "You can call me Diane."

"Okay," Piper said, too tired to be charming. "Diane, Alex isn't feeling too well. Will you keep an eye on her?"

Diane looked at her worriedly. "What's the matter? She said she was doing homework."

"She's just feeling...under the weather. Do you mind if I come back later?"

Diane raised her eyebrows, a trembling fist by her side. "If Alex doesn't mind, then I don't."


The door of Storky's opened with the ringing of a bell and the slamming of the same door behind Piper. Pushing to the front of the queue and ignoring the glares of other customers milling around her, she slapped her hand down on the counter.

"Taystee, we need to talk."

Taystee raised her eyebrows at Piper, glancing to the customers waiting behind her. She shrugged, gesturing around her. "I'm working."

"I know," Piper said, mouth set in a hard line. "Maybe I should let a couple more people know about your little sideline."

The hand that was filling a cup with soda clenched slightly, and Piper's eyebrow quirked. Taystee slammed the drink down on the counter, shoving it towards the customer. Her eyes narrowed at Piper, but she threw her hat down onto a chair.

She yelled over her shoulder. "I'm taking my break!"

Taystee lifted the counter up, pushing past the sea of customers and the dinner rush and opening the door to the parking lot. Piper trotted after her, satisfied. The hit of fresh air after being in the stuffy restaurant was instant relief.

"What do you want, Piper?" Taystee asked, her tone resigned. "I need the money, okay? Not all of us can dry our fucking tears with hundred dollar bills."

"But it's okay to spend a hundred and shoot it up?" Piper shook her head. "That's the least of my worries. Stop selling to Nichols, okay?"

"What the fuck?" Taystee ran a hand through her hair, smoothing out what the hat had messed up. She pursed her lips, making a small tsk noise. "No way. She's one of my best customers."

"Do I look like I fucking care?!" Piper hissed. "She's gonna kill herself!"

Taystee had the good graces to look upset by the comment, grinding the toe of her shoe into the dirt. "It's that bad?"

Piper frowned. "You know it is."

She didn't particularly like the girl; in fact, it wasn't a stretch to say that the copper haired junkie was the bane of her existence. But for some reason, Alex loved her. And for the first time in her life, Piper could see further than herself. It felt like someone was reaching into her chest and squeezing her heart with an icy fist every time she had to sit there and watch Alex cry.

Seeing her strung out on heroin made her feel sick. As long as Nicky was using, she'd still feel the same.

Taystee said nothing, so Piper filled the silence.

"If you sell to her again, I'll tell my dad. He has friends in law enforcement. I'm not playing around here, okay?"

"What am I supposed to tell her? What am I supposed to tell Vee?" Taystee asked, the terror plain on her face as her lips curled into a grimace.

"Leave that to me," Piper said. "You know where she lives?"

Taystee jutted her chin out, considering.

"You wanna explain to her that she's done whilst she's coming down from God knows what? Be my guest…" Piper turned on her heel, shrugging.

Taystee broke first, exhaling forcefully. "Wait."

Piper smirked, but wiped it from her face as she turned round. "Can you write it down for me?"


Piper squinted at the piece of paper in her hand. The ink had smudged after being crumpled in her sweaty palm, but it was still legible - just. Sighing and feeling more exhausted than she had in her whole life - even after that half marathon Polly had signed her up for - Piper rapped on the clean white front door.

A woman dressed in white opened the door. "Hello," she said, a little surprised. She'd instantly clocked Piper's Kate Spade handbag and silver watch. "Are you fundraising?"

"No," Piper said, a little self conscious. "I'm here to see Nicky."

"Oh," she said, a tinkly laugh escaping. "I wasn't expecting that." She sounded impressed. "Come on in, dear. I'm Marka, Nicky's mother."

Piper forced a smile. "I'm Piper."

"Come on in, Piper."

Piper stepped inside. She wasn't surprised to see a home not unlike her own. Everything had a place, and everything was in its place...except Nicky, it seemed. She was lounging on the couch, making the place look messy.

Marka threw a glance over her shoulder at her only daughter, suppressing a sigh. She raised her voice to be heard over Nicky's earphones. She hadn't even looked up from her phone in the time it had taken to open the door. "I'm going out, Nicky. Take care of our guest, won't you?"

Nicky's head finally snapped up and she ripped out her earphones. "What?"

Before Nicky got the chance to argue her point, the door had been slammed. She huffed in annoyance and her anger turned to Piper. "What the fuck do you want?"

"For you to care!" Piper snapped. Her patience had been worn thinner than ever. "Alex is high right now, you know that?"

Nicky glared. "You've gotta be kidding me." Scraping back her hair, she shook her head and exhaled through her nose. "She stole my heroin?"

"That's all you care about?" Piper kicked the coffee table in front of her and immediately regretted it as her toes throbbed and Nicky snickered. She looked totally blasé. "Alex has been crying since she left! You are breaking her heart," she continued, her voice cracking.

Nicky dug her fingernails into the palm of her hand. For the briefest moment, her eyes closed. Then they flashed open again, and she looked colder than ice. She pinched the bridge of her nose.

Nicky flipped open a packet of cigarettes, lighting one up. Before responding, she took a drag.

"Are you finished?" Nicky asked boredly, raising her eyebrows. She flicked ash onto the pristine wooden floor. "Because you're starting to sound like you're finished."

"Why don't you care?" Piper yelled. "You're going to kill yourself!"

"Do you think I fucking care what you think?" Nicky shot back, nostrils flaring. "I didn't care when Marka told me, I didn't care when Red told me," Nicky said, though her own voice broke on the name, "And I certainly don't care that you've told me." In her hoodie pocket, her hands trembled. She needed her next fix.

Piper frowned, wondering who the hell Red was. But her anger overrode her curiosity. "You know what? You might not care if you kill yourself, but Alex does."

Nicky rubbed the blotchy skin on her neck. Her energy was drained and she couldn't be bothered to argue. "Well tell Alex I'm very sorry if I kick the bucket before my time."

Piper looked down at Nicky. This is hopeless, she thought. Turning on her heel, she left. She had more important things to deal with - Alex.


With a heavy heart and exhausted body, Piper sat in her car outside of Alex's house. She rested her head against the steering wheel. She had never had a longer day, nor a more emotionally taxing one. With a sigh, Piper heaved herself out of the seat. She locked it and shoved the keys into her pocket, walking the small and dimly lit path up to Alex's home.

The porch light was flickering, illuminating the cobwebs in the windows. The curtain twitched ominously. It looked depressing, but something precious was inside. Piper pushed aside any misgivings and knocked on the door. Diane answered almost immediately, and Piper wondered if she'd been watching her at the window. Probably.

"Hello," Diane said. "Alex is still asleep," she said, a worried line forming on her forehead. "But you can come inside if you want."

Piper hesitated. "I do," she said finally. Flashing a quick smile to Diane, Piper jogged to Alex's room. She felt like every second would matter. Every second she was away from her felt like a second too many, and it was the strangest feeling.

She opened the door to Alex's room. The worn out carpet made a swooshing sound as she opened it, and she tiptoed into the room. Alex was asleep under the covers. Piper stayed at the edge of the room for a moment, drinking in the serenity. After a moment, she kicked off her own shoes and threw her jacket on the chair. She carefully peeled back the duvet from Alex and climbed in beside her, squashed up on her tiny twin bed.

Heat radiated off of her. Piper could feel sweat beading on Alex's neck and brushed her hair from the clammy skin it stuck to. "See?" she said, wrapping an arm around Alex's waist and entwining their fingers together. "I came back," she whispered into the darkness. "I'll always come back."


A/N:

I know it's been forever since I updated. I've been working on this since February.
And I know the last chapter ended with a tease.
But hey, here it is! It's not been the easiest week but at least the chapter got written.
Please tell me what you thought in a review.

Hope you're all good.

- Star xo