For Liza
Word Count: 1115
Alice steps out of her car and hesitates. Her fingers anxiously twist her wedding ring. Maybe she shouldn't wear it anymore; she is a widow now, not a wife. Still, she can't bring herself to remove it.
Her eyes flicker to the tiny building. Supposedly, it can take her pain away. She doesn't know if she believes that or not. It seems like the pain is far too permanent. Frank is gone, and no amount of talking is going to change that.
With a heavy sigh, she opens her car door again and sits inside. She doesn't drive off. Not yet. Something seems to keep her here, though she doesn't know what it is.
A knock on the window draws her back to present. She rolls the window down and is greeted by a young man around her age with dark, messy hair and bright hazel eyes. He offers her a crooked grin. "Are you here for the meeting?" he asks.
Alice opens her mouth, but she isn't sure what to say. Her mind still isn't made up.
"I get it," he says, and he really sounds like he does, like he's been where she is. "It took me about half an hour to work up the courage to go for the first time."
"What made you go?" she asks, her voice soft and barely audible.
He shrugs. "I knew Lily would want it for me." At the mention of her name, Alice sees a flicker of pain flash over his face, and she can guess who Lily must have been. "I'm James."
"Alice."
"Well, Alice, are you coming?"
She lets the window up and steps outside again. A soft breeze caresses her cheek, sending a chill down her spine. What is she doing here? It isn't going to help, and she would be better off driving away and picking Neville up from Augusta's.
James offers her a grin. "You're taking an important first step," he tells her.
She rolls her eyes. "You sound like a section from an official handbook on grief."
He presses his palm to his chest, directly over his heart, face contorting in mock offense. "I'll have you know that there is nothing official about me. I make this up as I go along."
Alice laughs. It's hard not to. It isn't as though James has said anything funny, but the dramatic tone makes it so easy to smile.
It doesn't laugh long. She feels a sharp pain in her chest. It's like a betrayal. Her fingers once again brush over her wedding ring.
James notices and offers her an understanding smile. He doesn't say anything else, just leads the way into the building.
…
"When my wife died," a woman named Marlene says, dabbing her eyes with a tissue, "a part of me died as well. Dorcas was… Dorcas was everything to me."
Her words make something stir within Alice. It's all too familiar. Frank was her world. Sometimes he made her think that maybe soulmates really existed. Now he's gone, and she isn't sure what to do with herself anymore.
Marlene continues, detailing her time with her late wife. The small group nods in sympathy and whispers their understanding here and there. Alice remains silent and still, her mind drifting.
"I was frazzled," Marlene says. "Well, that might be something of an understatement."
Frazzled. That's one way to put it. Alice had been afraid that she might lose her bloody mind. When the news came, she had fallen to the floor, sobbing as her baby cried in his pin, completely unaware that their lives had just been completely upended.
"What was I supposed to do?" Marlene laughs nervously, the sound dissolving into a sob.
Alice still doesn't know what she's doing, but she has spent the past half a year going through a great rollercoaster of emotions. She's been sad, bitter, angry, and everything in between. The good days have left her feeling guilty, as if smiling makes her a terrible person, as if Frank would hate her for being happy.
But he wouldn't. Maybe there's a part of her that knows that, but she is still too scared.
…
James catches her as she's halfway out the door. "Stay for a coffee," he says. "We have tea, as well."
"Of course we do," Alice says with a soft smile. "We're English."
He grins, and she can see a hint of hope in his eyes. "Funny," he muses. "Is that a yes?"
Augusta won't expect Alice back for another hour or so. Alice had planned to spend the time going for a jog in the park, trying to clear her head. Maybe a little company would be more preferable. "Just one cup."
James grins. "I make the best cuppa in London. You can ask anyone."
"Whatever he said, he's lying," Marlene says, walking over. She turns to Alice, taking her hand and giving it a comforting squeeze. "It is so lovely to meet. I'm just sorry it had to be here."
Alice mumbles something incoherent, unsure of how to respond. Luckily, someone else catches Marlene's attention, and the other woman moves along with a quick farewell.
"Everyone is so nice," Alice says.
"Mhm. It's because we know what it's like, and we remember needing that same support." James stops in front of the refreshment area. "I lost my wife nearly a year ago, and it… It really doesn't get any easier. Some days are better than others, but…"
Silence hangs between them. Alice reaches out, resting a hand on his forearm. James' lips twitch into a ghost of a smile.
"You're very beautiful," he tells her. When Alice sputters a protest, he quickly adds, "No, no. I understand. Grief is different for everyone. I'm not… I don't want to pressure you. Please don't think that."
She believes him. Even though she has known him for maybe an hour, Alice trusts James so easily. He just seems so genuine.
"I would like to take you out to lunch," he says. "We can go as friends. Some day, maybe that can change, and we can be something more. That's entirely up to you, of course."
She touches her ring. Frank would want her to be happy. He wouldn't want her to waste away, wallowing in her grief, letting herself drown in it.
She isn't ready yet. Maybe she won't be for a very long time. Still, James is extending his friendship, and maybe that grow.
"Nothing wrong with making a new friend," Alice decides.
Healing is a process, and this is going to take time. At least James is there, and maybe, just maybe, some good can be found in darkness.
