"Why didn't you tell me you wanted the job?" Red asked Nicky, her lips pressed into an unhappy line. "You know if you'd have asked, I would have given it to you."
Nicky shrugged, stirring the dregs of her coffee with a wooden stick. "Why didn't you tell me you would have hired me?"
"Because I didn't know you wanted the job!"
"Well, you know now," Nicky said, raising her eyebrows. She played with the empty mug in front of her, snapping the wooden stick in half and spraying the counter with drops of coffee. "So…"
"So what?" Red asked, swatting Nicky's hand away and removing the mug so that she couldn't make more mess on her otherwise spotless countertop. "I can't exactly fire Piper, can I?"
"Why not? Blondie will get over it. She's tenacious."
"Nicky, I'm right here," Piper said, emerging from the back room with a boxful of invoices. She looked over the box and frowned at Nicky. "If you're going to insult me at least wait until I'm not here."
"You're not even supposed to be working right now," Nicky complained. "Who goes into work before school when they don't have to?"
Red frowned at her too. "You need to watch how you speak to people. She might bite back one day. And I don't think Marka would be pleased if you got suspended - again."
"No she won't," Nicky said obstinately. "You know I mean it all with love, right, Piper? Besides, tenacious is a compliment!"
"Yes," Piper said, focusing more of her list of invoices than Nicky. She glanced up briefly, pointing her pen at Nicky. "It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside to know you can't stand the sight of me."
"See?" Nicky said. "Are you happy now, Red?"
"Deliriously so," Red said back, rolling her eyes. "If you're so desperate to lend a helping hand, why don't you come over after school tonight and help me sort out my inventory? Dmitri's going on a fishing trip with the boys so it would just be you and me. If your mother agrees, you could stay the night. Would that put me back in your good books, hm?"
Nicky looked up, a little smile settling on her face though she tried to hide it. "I don't know," she said. "I'd have to try it and let you know."
"You and Lorna are supposed to be coming to my house after school," Piper said. "And seeing as Lorna already left me a message saying how excited she was to see you. Have you been blanking her or something?"
Red looked at Nicky in surprise and waited for her to answer.
Nicky shrugged. "Not really."
"She says you haven't been answering her calls," Piper said, her nose wrinkling. "I can understand why, because I was on the phone for an hour and a half last night."
Nicky rolled her eyes. "And let me guess, she only talked about Christopher."
"Actually, all she talked about was you."
Piper sighed and leaned against her open locker. Alex had messaged her the night before to say that she wouldn't be coming in today so that she could look after her mom and whilst she would see her after school, she still missed her. Nicky was nowhere to be found. Despite the insults, she could be fun to be around. Her company beat standing around alone, at least. Worse still, she could see Polly talking to Brook across the hall. Stupid Brook, she thought, a deep frown darkening her features.
"Jealous?"
Piper's head snapped up. "Are you talking to me?"
Nate Griffiths stared back at her, a grin on his face. "I'm sorry our conversation got cut short last night," he said. "That old lady really pisses me off."
Despite what Alex had said, and what Red had told her, she wasn't scared. In fact, she was pissed herself. That lopsided smirk he probably practised in the mirror infuriated her. Her jaw clenched.
"I'm not," Piper said softly. "Just leave me alone. I don't wanna talk to you."
"That's a shame," he remarked, slamming his locker shut. "Your sort of girlfriend likes talking to me. She really likes talking to me, actually. I saw her last night. She told me so."
Piper hesitated and that tiny pause was like a drop of blood to a shark.
"Yeah. She didn't tell you? Thought not…"
He was lying. He had to be lying.
"How could I say no to that? I mean, she's smoking. That rack is something else. Am I right?" He gestured to his own chest broadly. "But, I mean, I'm pretty hot myself. So I've been told, anyways." He laughed.
It would have been easier to swallow, Piper thought, if he weren't so good looking. With tanned skin and beautiful brown curls, he looked like he just stepped out of Teen Vogue. She hated that she too would have, at one time, stared as he walked past in the hallway. It wasn't hard to see what girls saw in him.
With that arrogance, though, he fanned the spark of annoyance she had felt when he'd first walked up and it was turning into a fiery blaze inside of her.
"Don't fucking talk about her like that," Piper spat. She glared at him and slammed her own locker shut with much more force than necessary. "Stay away from the both of us. We don't want anything to do with someone like you."
"Really?" Nate asked. "You should tell Alex that's how you feel, because she certainly didn't say that to me."
Piper felt her pulse quicken. She swallowed hard. And though she felt as if she didn't want to hear anymore, she couldn't help herself. "Is that so?"
Alex wouldn't do that to me. She wouldn't do that. She would never do that.
"Mhm," he said, looking Piper up and down. "You should come next time. Could be a lot of fun with the three of us...if you know what I mean."
Piper's throat felt tight. She hated the fact that her cheeks burned bright red at his comment. How she wished she felt red hot rage, but that all she could focus on was the feeling of her heart breaking. It sounded dramatic but she couldn't help being a walking cliché. She loved Alex. She thought Alex loved her. Too much to do this to her.
"You know what," she said, just composed enough to say it without her voice cracking, "Fuck you!"
Piper was not in the mood for a girly spa afternoon. The day had passed in a blur of bitterness. She hadn't been able to concentrate in any class, so when she got home to find Lorna already stood on her doorstep, she fought the urge to turn back round again.
The brunette sprang up from the step the moment she saw Piper coming down the path. "Hey, Piper!"
Piper offered up a weak smile. It was hard to take any anger out on such a bubbly person. Especially when they looked so pleased to see you. "Hey, Lorna."
Lorna smiled. "Aww, what's wrong, honey? You look like a little wilted sunflower. Where's your pep gone?"
"Feels like someone ran me over with a lawnmower," Piper said. "You're the first one here. Do you wanna come in and we'll wait in my room?"
"Sure. What happened?"
Piper led the way up to her bedroom, calling a quick hello to her mom on the way up. "Oh, something and nothing," she lied. "I'll figure it out."
It was times like this she missed Polly. Nicky and Lorna were fun to hang out with but they felt more like Alex's friends than they ever did hers. If she told them something in confidence she wasn't sure if it would make its way back to Alex before she even really knew what to make of it herself.
"Nicky's picking up Alex before she comes," Lorna said in an attempt to break through the awkwardness. "Hopefully she'll be here soon."
Piper sat down on her bed and gestured for Lorna to join her. "Hey...can I ask you a personal question?"
Lorna nodded enthusiastically. "That's what girls night is all about!"
Piper squeezed her hands together. "Do you love Nicky?"
"Of course I do," Lorna replied without even stopping to think. "She thinks I don't but she's wrong. I do."
"I mean, as more than a friend."
Lorna looked at Piper, her brow knitted. "Why are you asking me that? Has Nicky asked you?"
"No," Piper said quickly. "She'd probably kill me for asking. And I won't tell anyone what you say if you don't say that I asked. But do you?"
Lorna played with her hair, quietly mulling it over before giving a little nod.
"So why won't you be with her?" Piper asked, her voice small. "Why can't you let yourself take a chance on her?"
Lorna looked bewildered at the question, but before she had the chance to answer, Nicky burst through the door. Relief flooded through her veins as she was spared the agony of the question.
"Hey, doll!" Nicky said as she walked in. She grinned as if she hadn't been hitting ignore on Lorna's calls for weeks now. "I've missed ya."
"I missed you too," Lorna murmured, looking at Piper warily over Nicky's shoulder as she hugged her. "Hey, Alex. How was your mom?"
Piper looked at Alex expectantly. It was almost as if she expected her dirty secret to be splashed across her forehead. Except it wasn't. And when she smiled at her, it felt like every other smile. Is this what her mom had felt like? Like she didn't know if her mind was tricking her when Alex didn't quite meet her gaze.
"She's okay," Alex said, shrugging. "She doesn't really like being looked after. I think she just wants to go out and forget about it all. The pills kind of make her hazy, too. She's asleep now. I told her to call me if she woke up. I don't know if I can stay long."
"I can't either. Red wants me to come over later," Nicky said proudly. "Maybe we should do a raincheck on the whole spa thing, unless you're desperate," she added, raising her eyebrows at Lorna.
Lorna shook her head quickly. Still looking rattled from her conversation with Piper, she pulled her phone from her pocket and gestured to it. "Um, no, actually. Franny called. I have to go home now. Sorry, Piper. I hope we can do this again sometime. A raincheck sounds like a good idea to me."
"Sure," Piper echoed. "That's fine. We can just watch a movie until Nicky has to leave." Anything to avoid talking, she thought.
Alex had noticed that Piper was acting strangely. First off, she'd avoided all eye contact since she'd showed up. When she wedged the bowl of popcorn between them on the couch she knew something was definitely going on.
Nicky seemed unaware, or past caring, as she dug into her own popcorn on the other sofa across the room. Mean Girls lit up the screen and though all eyes were on it, each girl had her mind on other things.
Partway through the movie Mrs. Chapman came into the room to see if they needed anything. She glanced at the screen.
"Oh, the one about the lesbian," she remarked, clutching a tray of ice cold lemonades. "Why don't you try watching something new? You girls are always watching the same things."
Piper had watched it with her mom the year previous and whilst most of it had slipped her mom by, Janis Ian clearly hadn't.
"Not really. Janis wasn't actually a lesbian." Piper said. "Although, Alex is."
Even Piper looked shocked at what she'd said. It had just blurted out before she got the chance to think of the ramifications.
Alex shuffled in her chair as Mrs. Chapman's lips parted slightly. Before anyone else had the chance to say anything, Alex added, "Well, so is Nicky!"
Nicky, forehead creased, threw a piece of popcorn into her mouth before looking from Alex to Piper. Alex looked at her apologetically and Piper looked as if she wanted to crawl under the coffee table and die.
Nicky knew that if she wanted to, she could have some fun here. So she chewed for a few seconds longer, playing ping-pong with her eyes between the two. Like a cat with a mouse, Nicky nodded slowly.
"Yeah," she said, her mouth full. She looked to Mrs. Chapman, letting Piper squirm for a moment. "Didn't you know?"
Mrs. Chapman shook her head.
Piper let out a breath. Alex glanced at her, her mouth turned down into a little frown. She kicked her softly under the table, a quizzical look written all over her face.
Mrs. Chapman said nothing for a moment, looking a little lost for words, and then she stood. "Would anybody like cheesecake? I think Miss Claudette brought cheesecake."
Piper watched her mom disappear into the kitchen. She let her eyes close.
"Have you developed Tourette's, Piper?" Nicky asked, brushing kernels from her hands and looking at her curiously. "Because that was really fucking weird."
"Why would you say that?" Alex asked. Nicky had been confused, but Alex looked mad. "Do you want your mom not to like me or something?"
Piper lifted her gaze to meet Alex's. "Of course not," she said. "I don't think she wouldn't like you because of that, anyway."
"Well I hope you're right," Alex hissed. She strained to look into the kitchen, where Carol stood. "I think your mom liked me before tonight."
"Well," Nicky said, setting the popcorn down onto the coffee table and pulling her shirt down as she stood, "I'm gonna head out. Red wants me, and uh, well, to be honest, it's about to get awkward and I don't wanna be here. I'll see you later."
The door slammed behind Nicky and the noise seemed to jolt Mrs. Chapman into action. "You know what," she called from the kitchen, "Miss Claudette didn't bring any after all. I'll just run down to the market and pick one up. You girls finish your movie. I'll be back soon!"
"Well, that was awkward," Alex sighed.
"Sorry," Piper murmured. She nibbled on her thumbnail, staring at the paused TV. "I honestly don't know why I said that."
"It's fine," Alex said. "I should probably get going too though. I have a few orders to fill and I have to check on Diane."
"No," Piper said. "Stay. At least for a little while longer. Please?"
Alex smiled. "Fine," she said, reaching out to squeeze Piper's hand. It was a little too far out of reach and when Piper didn't move it to make the shortfall, her smile slipped a little. "Anything for you."
Piper shifted her weight from one foot to the other. Leaning against the door frame, she watched Alex carefully decanting pills into a small baggie. It had been a while since she'd seen her doing that. Yet that wasn't the thing on Piper's mind.
"Do you have to do that here?" Piper whispered, looking to the door and back again. "I know my parents are out but they won't be long."
"This won't take long," Alex said. "And you wanted me to stay, remember? I could go home and do this if you prefer."
"What are those?" Piper asked, leaning closer and disregarding the question. "I don't recognize them."
"It's just different brands," Alex said, quickly counting them out. "Besides, you gave up on wanting to be a part of the business, so I doubt you would know which was which."
Piper raised her eyebrows. "I also gave up on it being strictly business," she said. "You didn't really want me to help you anyway, though. Did you?"
Alex shrugged. "No," she agreed. "I didn't want you to get into trouble. I just wanted to get to know you."
"And now?" Piper asked.
"And now I think I know you pretty well," Alex said with a little laugh. "Don't you think?"
Maybe so, Piper thought, but do I know you?
"Are you cheating on me?"
"What?" Alex said, so surprised by the question that she dropped the baggie and white pills rolled around her feet. She frowned at Piper. "Why would you ask me that?"
"Why won't you answer?"
"I'm not not answering. I'm just confused. I'm upset that you're even asking!" Alex shot back. "No we need to talk or I have to ask you something, just completely out of the blue. I mean, what the hell?" She threw the baggie down sourly. The shock of the question was wearing off and annoyance was setting in.
If Piper had learned anything from her parents' marriage it was that you never warned someone if you were about to ask them something. It gave them time to come up with excuses. It gave them an out, planted the little seed that said you need to cover your tracks. Catching someone unawares always got you a more honest answer; maybe not the truth, but a damn sight better than a perfectly concocted lie.
"Just answer the question, Alex!" Piper's voice was high. "Are you cheating on me?"
Alex stood up. "What's wrong with you?" she asked. "Why are you acting so fucking crazy?"
"Don't call me crazy," Piper snapped. It had been her Dad's insult of choice when she was younger. She'd heard it thrown across the kitchen table in hushed tones when she was supposed to be asleep. She loved her Dad, but hated how he acted sometimes. It had been years but she still remembered the way her stomach dropped.
"Carol, why are you acting as if you've lost your goddamn mind?"
"You're insane!"
"Are you crazy, Carol?"
"Well stop acting like it," Alex said, glaring at her and stooping to pick up the stray pills. She focused on picking up each individual pill, her mind whirring. She wondered if someone had said something. If she'd been seen with Nate by one of Piper's friends. If someone was trying to stir the pot because things were going well with her and Piper and things never went well for her usually. Figures something had to go wrong, she reasoned.
"Is it because I won't hold your hand?" Piper asked, her voice trembling. She hugged herself, digging her nails into her bare arms. "Did I push you away? I know I could be better, I should be better…" She looked heavenward, blinking hard. "I'm sorry if I made you feel unwanted. I'm sorry if you didn't know that I loved you."
Loved.
The past tense hadn't passed her by, and Alex looked at Piper warily. She almost preferred her being pissed at her. It was easier to handle. She knew where she stood.
Piper pawed at her cheeks, wiping hot angry tears away. The lump in her throat was getting bigger, harder to push down, and though she hated herself for it, she couldn't help the shuddering sobs that escaped when Alex didn't say anything at all.
"I could understand if that's why, but I just need to know. I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind!"
"So that's what today was about," Alex said, the penny dropping. "You wanted to test your mom's reaction with me."
Piper looked away. "No."
"Yes."
"I'm not…"
"Gay?" Alex offered.
"I don't like labels."
"You don't like labels because you don't like who you are!" Alex threw her hands up. "Life would be so much easier for you if you just accepted yourself."
"I do accept myself," Piper said, and though she hated herself for it, her chin wobbled. Her voice broke when she continued. "But what about everyone else? What will they think of me?"
"Everyone else doesn't matter!" Alex groaned. "Why do you care so much? Why are you like this?"
Piper pressed her back up against the wall and slid down it to the floor. She pulled her knees to her chest and buried her face.
"Do you think I like being like this?" she cried, her voice muffled and thick with tears. "Do you think this is how I wanna be? I hate myself for it too!"
Alex felt her heart break a little when she heard those words. She didn't understand how she could hate herself, let alone think that other people did too. Because to her, Piper was perfect. Beautiful and smart. Caring and witty. She was everything.
"No-one hates you," Alex said, as she dropped to Piper's level. She wrapped her arms around Piper and let out a sigh of relief when the blonde let her. "Least of all me. I love you, Piper. I just wish you could love yourself as much as I do. You're so beautiful, and kind, and funny." She wiped away her tears. "It will get better. You won't always feel this way. And I'll be here. Okay? I'll be here. Fuck anyone who doesn't love you." She tried to plant a kiss on Piper's forehead.
"No," Piper said, pushing her away. She sat up straight, and despite the tear stains marking her cheeks, she stood firm. "You always do this."
"Do what?" Alex asked, baffled. "Kiss you?"
"You whisper sweet nothings and tell me I'm beautiful and that everything will work out! I'm tired of it, Alex. I can't take it anymore. I can't take being in this weird fucking life where everything is a secret and kept under wraps."
Alex looked at Piper. "Okay," she said numbly, and she leaned back to give her some space. "What do you need, then?"
Piper wiped her eyes. "I need you to tell me the truth and tell me now, or we're over."
A/N:
Happy Saturday! Thank you for reading - I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please let me know what you thought. Thanks for the reviews on the previous chapter - cece1212, Juliette45, whenaspritemeetsaunicorn, isbreulla, and Jamla. I really appreciate them!
Hope you're all doing good.
- Star xo
