It was different from how she remembered. What exactly, she couldn't pinpoint, but it wasn't the same. Nothing stirred inside her except butterflies as she remembered just how hard she had fallen right where she stood now.

"Someone fixed the ladder," Piper noted. "I wonder if they knew what happened."

She looked up toward the little house, seeing now what she hadn't before, when she was full of hope and wonder at the world. What had once been something magical was now just a hazardous pile of planks. Everything was changing. Soon nothing would be the same, and as much as she tried to claw it back, things just kept slipping from her grasp. She looked up at the treehouse with despair in her eyes. Desperate. She had been desperate to feel at home when she stepped back here. She swallowed hard.

"It's not the same."

"Looks okay to me," Piper said, giving one of the ladder rungs a shove before putting her foot on the bottom one. A few seconds later she was halfway up, and turned back to Alex, throwing a hand down to her. "You coming?"

"What if I fall again?"

"You're not alone this time," Piper said confidently. "If you fall, I'll help you up. Right?"

It seemed their roles had reversed. Gone were the days of Alex reassuring Piper. She felt like she had nothing left to give. With a little resignation she took Piper's hand.

Alex nodded and followed her up. Inside, at least, looked reassuringly similar. She smiled as she crawled over to the spot where the tree met the planks. The trunk was coming up through the floor, supporting it and holding it up. She put her hand up against it and traced an old carving in the wood. It had grown since she was last here, but this was the same. A love story that had weathered storms, watched over hundreds of kids who found themselves in the very spot that Piper and Alex were now. Who knew what had happened to the kids who carved it originally, and who cared? It was more than them now. It was a legend, a tiny shred of hope.

"That's cute," Piper said, her lips tugging upward as she caught sight of the initials carved into the bark. "I thought people only did that in movies."

"I guess not." Alex let her hand drop. "Do you think we should talk about it?"

Piper turned. "About what?"

"About Vee. About Nate. About how we're gonna get out of this mess?"

"I mean, we could," Piper said. "But I think we'll be talking in circles. I'd rather just spend time with you. I don't want to think about any of that anymore."

She couldn't bear thinking about it anymore, more like. It kept her awake at night. It kept her from concentrating in school. Every waking minute she spent trying to figure a way out...and she hadn't. She tried not to let it show on her face, but it was there. In every pained smile and every forced platitude, it was there.


"Are you gonna answer that phone?" Luschek asked. "It's driving me fucking crazy."

"No."

"Okay," he said, his brow furrowing. "Can you at least turn it off?"

Nicky's gaze never left the screen where some old movie was playing. Joel had chosen it, but he'd spent more time sneaking glances at her, hoping she wouldn't notice. She had. She didn't really care, though.

"No," she said again.

"Jeez, who pissed in your Cheerios this morning?" he asked. He waited for a response, but when he got nothing, he asked, "Did you want another beer?"

Nicky finally tore her eyes from the TV. "Yeah," she said. "That would be nice. Sorry. It's Lorna. She won't leave me alone."

"Block her number?"

"No." Nicky played with her phone. "I don't wanna block her completely. She only wants me when Christopher or Vinny or whatever-the-fuck-his-name-is dumps her. I just wish…" she shook her head. "Never mind. It's stupid."

"No," Joel frowned. "That's pretty shitty."

Nicky let out a deep sigh. "Yeah. Well, that's Lorna."

"Fuck her," he said.

"Already did. Didn't help," Nicky quipped, her face expressionless. "I guess I could try again, but I'm not sure—"

"Shut up." Luschek rolled his eyes. "Do the same to her then?"

"I don't exactly have a line of girls waiting to date me," Nicky said. A hint of vulnerability shone through as her shoulders hunched. He wondered if he was one of the lucky ones to see even a tiny slice of this side of her.

"Who said it had to be true?"

Nicky looked up, her eyes narrowed. "What are you getting at?"

"She's not the only one who can make someone jealous," he said with a shrug. He passed her a beer and took a swig from his own can. "That's all."

"I'm not jealous."

Joel raised his eyebrows as he took another swig. "Sure."

"Fine," Nicky said, quickly pulling the tab back on her beer. "What's your bright idea, genius?"


Piper grabbed Alex's hand and pulled her to the floor, where they leaned against the tree and a few precarious planks. When the wood rocked underneath them, Piper squealed.

Before she could insist on getting the hell out of there before the bottom dropped from underneath them, Alex's phone buzzed in her pocket and she pulled it out. Piper played with her fingers on the other hand as she looked at the notification.

"Shit," she said. "I knew Nicky liked Luschek, but I didn't know she liked him that much."

She turned the phone to Piper, who saw an Instagram story of the two of them swimming in the pool in Nicky's building. Nicky had jumped on Joel's back, her legs wrapped around his torso. A mess of blonde hair rested on his shoulder as her head rested against his. It was a cute photo. Well, it would have been, if Luschek's hand wasn't firmly on Nicky's ass—scantily clad in a bikini Marka definitely didn't know she had. That kind of crossed it into tacky territory. She tapped out a quick response and sent it.

"Good for her," Piper murmured, zooming in on the photo. "Does she work out? She doesn't even work out," she complained. "How is her stomach that flat?"

"Cigarettes," Alex said. "She smokes her dinner."

"Maybe I should try it," Piper offered, her hand skimming her own perfectly flat tummy.

"You know you won't."

"Yeah, I know," Piper said, rolling her eyes. "Next time we should bring a picnic. Don't you think? It's kind of romantic up here. Away from everybody else. No distractions. No...interruptions." Her lips curled into a coy smile as she gently took Alex's phone and placed it down away from them.

Alex rested her head against the wood and laughed. Piper's hand in hers felt so right that she didn't even think about Nate, or her mom, or the huge fucking mess they'd gotten themselves into. In that moment, she could only feel the heat of Piper's body against hers. She'd forgotten how good that felt, but it was rushing back now.

Piper smiled as she pressed her forehead against Alex's. Tentatively, she pressed her lips against Alex's too, first a little peck and then deeper. Her hands tangled in her brunette hair, shy and gentle. Alex leaned into the kiss. Their noses touched, and Alex's eyes fluttered open.

"What are you thinking?" Alex asked, a little breathless, between kisses.

"Honestly?" Piper breathed, her hand tugging at Alex's sweater. Alex gave a swift nod. "Splinters."

Alex burst out into laughter. Genuine, unabashed laughter. She let Piper pull the sweater from her body, and helped her out of her dress. They sat together, on their knees, bare skin touching. Alex marvelled at how soft Piper's skin was, Piper couldn't help but stare at Alex's breasts.

"I'm ready, you know," Piper said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I mean it this time."

"It's okay if you don't," Alex said, hand grazing Piper's stomach. Her fingers rested on Piper's hip. "We don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"I want to," she said, though her voice trembled. "It's just...I've never…"

"Never?" Alex echoed. She'd assumed, she would admit. Piper was biting her lip and staring up at her. Her heart thudded as she stared at Piper, dressed only in panties and a bra, looking and sounding so vulnerable.

"No." She pulled on the waistband of Alex's jeans. "I want my first time to be with you. Here and now, with the person I love more than I've loved anyone."


"Hey," Nicky snapped, swatting Joel's hand away from her back as they climbed out of the pool together. "Don't cop a feel."

Nicky sat down at a poolside deckchair.

"I wasn't!" Joel's scarlet cheeks said otherwise, and he kept his hands firmly to himself as he grabbed himself a chair. He looked at Nicky, his eyes sneaking glances at her body, who grinned at him.

"Calm down," Nicky laughed, not bothered by his wandering eyes. "I'm only kidding. I posted that photo. Let's hope your plan works."

Her eyes lit up as her phone immediately pinged three times in quick succession. She snatched it up and rolled her eyes. "Marka says to take that down," she said, deleting the message. "A shame I didn't see that one. Alex says Luschek looks photoshopped. See, I told you it was obvious. People have seen you in a pool. They know you don't have washboard abs. And...ah!" she tapped her screen in triumph, "Lorna's asked to meet up with me on Saturday. Wow. That was quick. Huh. So that's what success feels like. I should study more often. It feels pretty good."

"Yeah," Joel said, raising his eyebrows. "Feels like a million bucks."

Nicky slipped her phone into her bikini top. "What?" she asked, turning toward him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said. He crossed his arms over his chest, looking away. "You just…nothing."

"No, tell me," Nicky insisted. She put her hand on his chin and forced him to look her way. When he did, she was surprised to see a familiar look in his eye. "Oh," she said, realizing. "You.."

"Yeah," he said, jutting his chin out. "I know you don't feel the same way, and it's not your fault, so don't go getting all weird on me—"

Nicky's lips on his stopped his ramble, and he found his fingers tangling in her hair, and her hand grabbing at the back of his neck. Neither of them knew quite had happened, and yet they continued, his hands roaming her body, her lips hungry for more.


Alex stared at the ceiling. Her mom was asleep by now, but she couldn't seem to slow her mind. Sometimes it felt as if someone had kicked a wasp nest in her head. Thoughts swarmed in her brain. The more she tried to push them away, the more they forced their way in. Life felt like waiting for the next disaster. It felt like playing whack-a-mole with tragedies. Sometimes she managed to keep her head above water, and sometimes she felt like letting the waves sweep her away.

She didn't like thinking that way. It frightened her. It made her wonder what went through her mom's mind when she did crazy shit. If she even realized that the stuff she did wasn't normal. Sometimes, when she was younger, she used to wish that she lived with her dad. He wasn't a normal dad; he didn't play catch with her or tell dad jokes. But he kept her safe. And Nell wasn't so bad. Then she would feel terrible for even daring to think like that. How could she leave her mom? She needed her.

Letting Piper leave had been a mistake. She always knew the right thing to say to calm her down. When she'd started panicking about Nicky all those months ago, right after her relapse, she would stay on the line until Alex fell asleep, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. It had taken weeks for her to feel comfortable falling asleep alone, and months until she hadn't seen Nicky's unconscious face when she closed her eyes, but Piper never complained.

But she couldn't call her now. She wouldn't ruin their perfect afternoon with her hang-ups. It was more than just physical. It was a connection, a spark...it felt more like fireworks. Her lips tingled as she thought about it, about Piper's lips on hers, about there being no part of Piper she hadn't touched, about how she could still feel Piper's hands on her even now, hours later.

She wouldn't tarnish something so beautiful with her fucked up life, her fucked up head.

Throwing the covers off her, Alex got out of bed. Picking a sweatshirt up from the floor, she quietly slipped it over her pajamas and then out of the front door.

Night had already draped itself over the town, leaving a cool breeze and a smattering of stars in its wake. Leaves crunching underneath her feet was the only sound as Alex walked, her head kept down, to the woods.

In the woods she found a specific tree and climbed the ladder attached to it.

Then, from her pocket she pulled out a little knife. She set her phone down and angled the flashlight toward the tree. She got to work carving, chiseling away at the bark just under the first set of initials. It was harder than she anticipated it being, but she kept on going. And as she carved, she found the thud of her heart begin to slow. She felt her skin losing its clamminess. She breathed sweet air, drunk on the feeling of it filling her lungs. Free. She finally felt free.

PC + AV

A/N:

Thank you for your reviews: adderiffe, cece1212, Juliette45, Guest, whenaspritemeetsaunicorn and Jamla. Really appreciated, thank you.

Two updates in one month, I'm on fire. Just kidding. I just had this chapter in my head and decided to go for it. Everything's a bit much at the moment and you guys always cheer me up. You're always so sweet. And I won't lie, it's a bit of an ego boost. That probably sounds pretty arrogant but it's the truth. So I hope you enjoyed this chapter, or I'll be eating my words. Lol. Also with regards to the fade to black, hopefully you don't mind. I don't write smut (not a rule of mine, I just never have and uh to be truthful I think I'd be pretty awful at it, but I could give it a go, I guess) and thought it would be a good alternative.

Anyway, I've rambled enough. Hope you're all good.

Star xo