"Piper?"
Piper's head snapped up, bleary eyes blinking in the harsh light. She peeled the sheet of paper stuck to her cheek off and rubbed where the ink had marked her skin. As she looked up, she saw her dad's face peeking around her bedroom door. Time had somehow slipped away from her. When she'd first sat down at her desk, it had been around one in the morning. Now, light shined through the window and outside, birds chirped. Yet despite the bright morning ahead of her, Piper felt darker than she ever had before.
"What are you doing here? I thought you were on an overnight trip."
"I was," he said, sitting down on her bed. "But your mom told me what happened. I'm sorry, sweetie." He put his arm around her and squeezed her close. Planting a kiss on the side of her head, he sighed. "I thought my heart was going to stop when she told me. How close you were to a firing gun."
"Yeah, I'm sure you are," Piper said, smoothing out the paper. She didn't meet her dad's eye. "Everyone seems to be sorry."
"Hey, I am. I liked Alex. She had a good head on her shoulders. She could have taught you a thing or two. But I won't pretend I'm not relieved it's not you lying in that hospital bed."
"Why are you speaking like that?" Piper asked. "Like she's not here anymore or something. Don't talk about her in past tense. She's not dead."
Mr. Chapman sighed.
"She isn't, is she?" Panic crept into Piper's tone. "You would tell me, wouldn't you?"
"Of course I would," he said with a frown. "As far as I know, Alex is alive."
'As far as I know' echoed in her head.
He gestured to her paper. "What's that you've got there?"
"Oh, it's nothing. It's silly really." She shrugged. "I was just jotting some ideas down."
He reached over and took it. "A soap business," he said, nodding as he read. "I thought Popi had all but died."
Piper cringed at the phrasing but nodded anyway.
"It has," she confirmed. "This is a new business. I just thought, when Alex gets out she won't be able to pay her bills and…I don't know. I told you, it's stupid."
"Business is never stupid," Mr. Chapman said with a click of his tongue. "It's not like you're going to get much sleep. How about we work on it together? Then when you see Alex, you can show her."
Seeing Alex seemed so far away, doing anything to fill the hours between then and now seemed tempting. And she hadn't spent time with her dad in months. Since being with Alex, her old life seemed like somebody else's. After a moment, she nodded.
"Yeah," she said, watery eyes grateful. "I'd like that."
Nicky's fingers shook as Luschek lit up the cigarette between them. "I think I need something a little stronger," she said, taking a long deep drag. "What a fucking night, eh?"
"You could say that again," Joel said, swallowing hard. "Did you see her at the hospital?"
Nicky looked up, her face ashen. "Her mom wouldn't let me. She got out of surgery, but…" Nicky's voice shook. "They still don't know. You know. If she's gonna…know you."
"Shit," Luschek said, his hand over his mouth. "There was so much blood. So much." He rubbed the back of his neck, shaking his head. "At least you were somewhere else."
Nicky looked at him. "Didn't feel like taking a bullet for me?"
"Do you ever take a day off?" Joel asked, eyebrows raised, shaking his head. "Maybe just for today, quit with the snark."
Nicky chewed on her thumb. "Yeah," she said, her voice raspy. She looked up at him with sparkly, tear-filled eyes. "Maybe just today."
His face lost its hard expression and he sat gently down next to her. He reached for her free hand and when his hand covered hers, she didn't move hers away.
"I don't know what I'll do without her," Nicky whispered. Another drag of her cigarette to calm her nerves. "She can't…I can't…" she choked, her throat catching. "It's just such a mess. What happened?"
Joel shrugged, closing his eyes as the memories poured back in despite him trying to push them out of his head. "It happened so fast. I…I'm sorry."
"What are you sorry for? You didn't do it. I told Alex not to get involved with her. She's off her fucking rocker. I mean, who goes out of their way to make friends with someone people call Crazy Eyes?"
Joel pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes until he saw spots. "She just seemed like a little kid."
"She's dangerous. She could go down for murder, you know."
Luschek said nothing in reply.
Nicky took another drag from her cigarette and then stubbed it out. "Did you hear me? I said she could-"
"I don't wanna talk about it anymore."
Nicky looked up. Joel's face was pale, sweat beading on his forehead. His hand, still in hers, was suddenly clammy.
"Are you okay?"
He sucked in a breath, shallow and ragged, and gave a short nod. But his hand slipped out of hers and went to his chest.
"You don't look so good," Nicky stammered.
His breath hitched as he tried to take in as much air as possible. "I can't breathe." He held his throat.
"What's wrong with you?" Nickys voice was past panicking now. She grabbed his arm, her nails digging in. "What do you need me to do?"
"Stay with me," he said, his voice almost pleading.
She gripped his hand. "I'm not going anywhere. Just take a deep breath."
He tried to follow her advice but still struggled. Another breath rattled in his throat.
"They say you should name three things you can see," Nicky said suddenly. "Tell me three things you can see."
"What?" Joel muttered. "Who's they?"
"People my mom pays to try and fix her. Just try it."
"A shoe. Pizza boxes. Beer cans."
"Now three things you can hear."
He listened. "A plane. Some really annoying dogs. Me talking."
"Now three things you can feel."
"You."
"Don't be a perv."
"I meant your hand."
Nicky allowed herself a small smile. "I know." She paused for a moment. "Do you feel better now?"
"Kind of," he said. "Now I just feel kinda stupid."
Nicky allowed herself a small smile. "I mean, without wanting to sound like Marka's therapist, it must have been pretty fucking traumatic to see someone get shot."
Luschek rubbed his hand against his chin. "I guess you could say that."
"Don't you just wanna forget the whole thing ever happened?"
Joel looked at Nicky warily, not liking where this conversation was headed. "If that was possible, yeah."
"We could get drunk," Nicky said. Her hand squirmed under his. "Or we could…"
"Don't…"
"I can't get the phone call out of my head." Nicky's voice had a desperate edge.
"And I can't get the sight of her out of mine," he snapped, "but you don't see me shooting up."
"Well, you never did."
"And you don't anymore."
A baggie of white powder fell to the floor. Nicky swallowed hard as Joel's eyes followed it to the floor, and then shot up to meet hers.
"Is that where you were last night?" Joel hissed. "Scoring, whilst Alex was half-dead in hospital?"
"Don't say that," Nicky snapped back. "And you can't exactly judge," she said, her voice breaking. She crossed her arms and looked away. With no make-up, red rimmed eyes, and a pout on her face, she looked younger than he had ever seen her.
"Come on," Joel said, plucking the baggie from the floor and shoving it into his pocket. "Weed is a whole different ball game to this shit."
"Not really," Nicky said belligerently. "They don't call it a gateway drug for no-"
"Get your jacket," he said, cutting her short. "I don't wanna hear it."
"Why?" Nicky asked, a v forming between her eyebrows. "Where are we going?"
"Where do you think?"
Piper chewed on her nail as the car pulled up outside the hospital. She peered out the window, watching as beads of water rolled down it. The bright morning had turned into a washout, but at least she'd have a reason for the mascara running down her cheeks.
"Do you want me to come in with you?" Mr. Chapman asked, turning around in his seat. He looked at his only daughter, his heart going out as he took in her watery eyes and puffy face.
She shook her head, though she desperately wanted him to. "I'll be okay," she said, trying to sound brave.
"If you're sure," he said, frowning.
"I'm sure."
She wasn't. But the thought of Diane's reaction to her father strolling up to her was enough to put her off. She knew that Diane disapproved of her family just as much as her family disapproved of Diane, so she gave her father a quick smile and climbed out of the car before he could say anything else.
The nurse at the desk barely looked up when Piper quietly asked for Alex's ward, but had warned that there was no guarantee that she would be able to see the patient. Still, she trudged her way through winding corridors until she saw a familiar figure standing outside.
Diane's face had lost its anger. In its place was a weariness, a withdrawn acceptance. Of what, Piper was afraid to ask. She lingered in the doorway, her greeting stuck in her throat, eyes fixed to the drawn curtain. She swallowed hard, feeling as if cotton wool was stuffed down her throat and packed in her chest, and choked as a sob broke free.
"Piper," she said, her voice hoarse. Her voice was quiet when she continued. "I didn't think you'd come back. You're all wet," she said, stating the obvious.
"It's raining," Piper said, shifting her weight from foot to foot. She looked up at Diane awkwardly, her heart beating wildly inside her chest. If Alex wasn't okay, surely she would have led with that. But she couldn't help doubt creeping into her voice as she asked, "Is Alex...is she okay?"
"She's had a blood transfusion, um…they had to…" Diane gestured to her own chest, screwing her eyes shut. "She's still in the ICU. They've told me everything she's had, but I just…" Diane jabbed at her temples. "In one ear and out the other. I'm useless. What will I do when she comes home? I can't even remember what they've done to her, how the hell will I manage when she's home? All the medications, all the therapy…but the alternative is so much worse…"
Piper's face softened as she watched Diane berate herself. "You'd cope," she said limply. "You'd do what you had to do."
"You mean like she has?" Diane asked, covering her face as she wept. "If I was a better mom, she wouldn't be in that hospital bed right now."
Piper watched her. She wasn't used to adults acting like this. Even in dire times, her mom kept her composure. If she lost it and cried until she couldn't stand anymore, she did it behind closed doors where Piper couldn't see her. She dithered, unsure of what to say. Arguing with her would have been futile, and deep down, Piper largely agreed with what she had said. But Alex would want her to say something…
"But she doesn't want a better mom," she said finally and plainly, placing a hand on Diane's arm. "She just wants you."
"Well, she's got me," Diane replied, wiping her face roughly. She didn't shrug off Piper's hand. In fact, she clasped it close. "I'm not going anywhere."
"No," Piper agreed readily, squeezing her hand back. "Neither am I."
"You can see her if you want," Diane offered, her voice weak. "I'm not sure you want to see her like that, but she hasn't had many visitors…her dad, he says he'll come up after work. But the nurses say she might be able to hear us, even through the sedation."
Piper hesitated. It was why she had come, of course, but now that it was being offered to her, now the reality was hitting and Diane hadn't thrown her out like she had half expected her to, it was hard to imagine actually doing it. But Diane had held out an olive branch, and she was afraid what would happen if she refused. With Diane, it often felt akin to walking a tightrope or defusing a bomb. Alex always knew what to say, but she didn't.
"Okay," she said after a moment, steeling herself. Mechanically, she followed Diane to where Alex was. The moment she'd been waiting for; she held her breath and closed her eyes for a brief moment, as if trying to steady herself. Taking a deep breath, she forced one foot in front of the other until she reached Alex's bedside. She sat delicately on the hard plastic chair placed beside her.
Alex's hand sat limply by her side. Wires ran out from every inch of uncovered skin, and the machines beeped incessantly. It was an assault to the senses, and it pained Piper to see Alex lost in the mess of it all. Her beautiful face was paler than usual, black circles underneath her closed eyes. Her chest was bundled with bandages and drips, her gown open to accommodate it all.
Piper's hand hovered over Alex's, her chin quivering.
"You can touch her," a voice said from behind. A nurse smiled kindly as Piper turned to face it. "She won't break."
"She looks like she's already broken," Piper said, her voice breaking. She took Alex's hand in her own. "Oh, Alex."
"She's getting fixed up," the nurse said softly, patting Piper's shoulder. "Just talk to her like you normally would. If you need anything, let me know."
With Diane sitting down across from her, it was hard to talk to Alex like she normally would have. It felt intrusive, yet she knew that was unreasonable. She bent her head so that when she whispered, only Alex would hear. If her mom were there, she would have called it rude. But Piper didn't want the world to hear; her words were for Alex and Alex alone.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice thick with tears. "I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sorry I wasn't here last night." Piper pressed her forehead to the back of Alex's hand. She thought of all the times she'd dropped that same hand, refusing to be seen holding it, and her heart felt like it was being torn from her chest.
She kissed her fingers. "I'm not going anywhere now," she said fiercely. She flipped Alex's arm around gently, and on the soft, delicate skin of her wrist, she traced, I LOVE YOU. "Come on," she breathed into Alex's hand. "Just come back from this. I'm begging you. Paris is waiting for us, remember? And I can't go without you. I don't wanna go anywhere without you."
A/N:
Hello lovelies! I hope you're all well. If you're still here, after the monumental wait for this chapter. Which I don't expect many of you are, lol! And it's only here because I promised to a reader that it would be up before the end of July, but boy did the end of July sneak up on me! I hope you enjoyed!
- Star xo
