Hey guys, thanks for reading my fanfiction this far. I wanted to hear your opinion on something, do you think this fanfiction should be an M? It's not graphic in sex or gore, and I don't plan it to be, but some of the themes are mature. Review your opinion, I'd love to hear it.
Trigger warnings: very brief mention of self harm, internalized homophobia, medication, panic attack.
Lams pickles: I hope you can see this update, you're not an account holder so I don't really know what to do. This is the seventh chapter.
That morning Alex and Lafayette went downstairs before George and Martha. They emptied the bowl in the sink and washed it before putting it away in the cupboard. Neither of them spoke to each other much but they didn't mind. It was a quiet morning and the sun was bathing everything in a silent, silver light.
They had just sat down on the expensive leather sofa when Martha and George walked in together, both still in pyjamas.
Alex couldn't help but admire the couple. They were more similar than you would think and spent almost all their time together. Equally as smart as eachother, Alex sometimes came down in the evenings for some water to find them pouring over books and newspapers together, avidly discussing politics. He supposed they were some of the lucky few who'd found someone so like themselves.
Lafayette grinned as they walked in, sleepy looking and bleary eyed.
"And they say us teenagers sleep late!"
George rolled his eyes and retorted, "and I bet Alex woke you. If you had the choice you wouldn't wake up until two PM."
"Of course!"
Martha laughed and pushed her hair out of her eyes, tying the bouncing curls back with a bright hair wrap.
"What do you want for breakfast? George and I will start on something now."
Alex looked at Lafayette and shrugged but then spoke in French to his friend.
"Je ne veux pas de bacon, ne demandes pas porquoi."
I don't want bacon, don't ask why.
Lafayette grinned.
"Maybe toast with eggs, or, oh! Pancakes! Please can we have pancakes? S'il vous plaît!"
Martha grinned and nodded, "okay, I know I'm going to regret it later though when you're bouncing off the walls due to a maple syrup sugar rush."
"Ah, ma mère, you know me too well."
He and Lafayette sat at the kitchen table as George and Martha got out the flour, eggs, milk and other ingredients. They chatted in French for a while about Lafayette's time in Paris and the high school he went to, just ten minutes from the house.
"Il s'appelle uh, the Virginian continental high school. C'est un college mixte, and it's normal for a public school. We'll start our sophomore year in September."
Alex nodded. "The high school I went to in New York was kinda crap, pretty much no extra curriculars, bad electives and a school paper that published like one article a year "
Lafayette was about to clap his hand on Alex's shoulder but stopped himself quickly, opting instead to pretend he was tapping on the table.
"You'll not be dissatisfied with our clubs and societies, and our electives are good also."
Alex grinned, "what kind of subjects are doing this year?"
"The same as the ones you listed yesterday, John and Hercules too, but they are both taking art as well. I'm also taking speech and debate to help improve my English."
"Cool."
Martha and George were now walking over to the table, holding two plates each of pancakes topped with maple syrup, whipped cream and fruit.
When the portion was placed in front of him it was all Alex could do but concentrate on not immediately tucking in.
He was so used to having very little breakfast, and any meal in general, that the desperation to get something in him was overwhelming.
He remembered the boys' home he'd lived in at age 13, where food was scarce and every one had to carefully guard every they'd been given for fear it would be taken away and that he would go hungry that day.
It had almost been Dickensian, a sort of Oliver Twist reminiscent atmosphere that would have been laughable if the hunger pangs hadn't hurt so much.
Slowly, he picked up a trembling fork and began to eat in an as steady and normal manner he could.
It was delicious.
Alex had long since lost any partiality to taste but this was undeniably amazing. He savoured the bitterness of the raspberries and the sweet syrup, as well as the unusual feeling if having good food in his stomach.
Lafayette spoke through a mouthful of food, his voice not muffled at all as he seemed to have mastered the art of eating and talking.
"Maman, papa, this is so good! If you had a restaurant it would get trois Michelin étoiles!"
They both smiled appreciatively and Lafayette spoke again.
"I was going to meet up with John and Herc today, is that okay? I also wondered if Alex wanted to come."
Alex jumped at his name and put down his knife and fork.
"Uh... I... yeah, sure."
Martha nodded thoughtfully, "okay, yeah. I'm sure John and Hercules can't wait to meet Alex anyway, maybe you should all go to the mall together, get your school stuff."
Lafayette nodded, "that's a good idea. John might not like it, however, if he comes back to school with that same awful pair of sneakers, I will scream."
Alex stayed silent. There was one problem here, he had about two dollars in loose change in his bag, nothing else. He was fine with his t shirts and old pair of jeans, that was what he had always worn, however, somehow, something told him that the Washingtons wouldn't be content with that.
They all finished breakfast and with a quick thanks to Martha and George, Alex followed Lafayette up the stairs to text John and get ready.
Lafrançaise (Just now): can you be at the mall in twenty minutes? We're gonna get school stuff, Alex is coming also. Tell herc
John (Just now): Oh! Okay! I'll tell Herc, see you in twenty!
Lafayette slid his phone back into his pocket and walked to the mirror.
"John and Herc will meet us at the mall in twenty minutes, yes. Don't worry, they are very kind and have been waiting to meet you."
Alex nodded slowly, feeling the anxiety creeping back into his chest. Remembering he had forgotten to take his pills that morning he told Lafayette to wait and raced to his room.
Dry swallowing them and rinsing out his mouth with water he hurried back to Lafayette's room where the boy had tied up his huge hair and was curling his eyelashes.
"I don't wear makeup, but I think putting in some effort makes a difference. Non?"
Alex nodded, not having a problem with this but suddenly feeling very self conscious of his ragged appearance.
Oh well, there was nothing he could do about that anyway.
Lafayette grabbed a denim jacket off his chair and slid it on, grabbing some keys off the dresser next and patting his pocket for presumably his wallet or bus card. When he was sure he had everything he headed down the stairs followed by a slightly less enthusiastic Alex.
Martha met them at the end of the stairs with a list of supplies Alex assumed were for Laf, however, when he checked the list over he saw a few things that made his anxiety worsen.
Clothes for Alex
Hygiene products Alex & Gil
Stationary Alex & Gil
Text books for Alex & Gil
Shoes for Alex
Anything else needed for school or things Alex needs.
Alex gulped, "uh, Mrs Washington," he tended to call her this when he was nervous. "I don't have any way to pay for clothes of stationary or anything really."
He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fist tight.
She frowned, "Laf didn't tell you? He has a debit card with him, he'll buy whatever you need. We're your foster parents Alex, we have to buy you clothes when you need them and things for school."
"Oh... you don't have to, honestly. I can do with the clothes I have now and get some text books from the library."
"Don't be silly Alex, those jeans are practically falling off you and those rips clearly aren't fashion statements."
Alex nodded and had to agree his selection of clothes was insufficient.
"Martha, thanks so much for this. You don't have to. But thanks."
She scoffed and playfully waved them away.
"I know, I know, now go, you'll be late otherwise."
John and Herc sat at the fountain in the mall, chatting animatedly as they waited for Lafayette and Alex to make an appearance. They had met up while Laf had been away but were looking forward to the whole gang being back together, plus meeting Lafayette's new foster brother.
"What do you think Alex will be like?" Herc was absentmindedly running his finger tips through the water in the fountain.
"I'm not too sure. Lafayette told me over text yesterday that he was pretty shy. He said he'd had a hard life." Mused John, euphemistically.
"Oh?" Hercules looked up, shaking some droplets of water off his fingers.
"He didn't say much, I imagine we'll find more out today."
"I'm just looking forward to seeing Laf again, man."
Herc then clapped John so hard on the shoulder so he fell dangerously close to the water, maintaining his balance only due to his friend's strong grip on his shoulder.
"Herc, I swear to God if you had dropped me I would have killed you."
His friend laughed and he held up his hands in mock surrender.
"But I didn't!"
John nodded, "thank God for me these."
He patted Herc's large, muscled biceps jokingly.
"So, tell me, I bet you're really looking forward to seeing Laf again." Smirked John.
Hercules didn't blush - he wasn't the type to, but he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and refused to look at John.
"Ah, come on, you've liked him for nearly a year, it's time to make a move! I am sure he feels the same way."
Hercules shrugged and his silence told John he didn't want to talk about Laf.
Suddenly they both heard an excited yell from the entrance of the mall. Before either of then had time to recognise the bubbly French accent they were simultaneously being swept into a hug.
"Mes amis! Vous me manquiez! Mon dieu!"
Standing back a little and giving them room, the excited french teen grinned down at them, just as they remembered him, if not slightly taller.
That was when John saw him.
Alex was standing a few paces behind the trio, awkwardly clutching his arm.
And he was... He was extremely good looking...
Alex was small and slight, with a pointed pace and long, brown hair so dark it was nearly black, swept into a messy bun. He had huge dark eyes and long lashes, their expression hinted at something wary, almost like an animal who sensed a trap but couldn't quite locate it.
His skin was tanned and his cheekbones high, he seemed at least partly Latino and his posture was nervous, as though he was trying to shrink down into himself.
Damn.
Lafayette turned around, following John's line of vision.
"Ah, yes, this is Alexander Hamilton, just call him Alex."
"Hey," he said, raising his hand awkwardly, "it's nice to meet you guys. Laf talks about you a lot."
John fought back a grin, of course he did.
Laf would talk about anything to anyone, he probably had a whole mental reservoir of anecdotes about the three of them to bust out in awkward silences.
"So, maman has given Alex and I a list of things we will need. I think our first stop should be stationary."
Herc and John nodded, the former clapping Laf hard on the shoulder and walking in the middle of the group as they made their way to American Stationary, Alex on the far right, silent.
Alex couldn't help but stare at John as they walked to the stationary store. There was something magnetic about his presence, Alexander couldn't seem to fight off the urge to wtach him.
He had curly, unruly hair and millions of freckles, a medium height and a lean, toned body. Alex didn't think had never really looked at anyone in the way he was at John now, but it wasn't a bad sort of strange...
He couldn't take his eyes off him.
They walked into the shop and were greeted immediately with a display of tenth grade Math and English text books for their school district.
"Ahhh! My eyes, I'm having flashbacks to school!"
Herc held his hands out in front of himself, like a vampire warding off a crucifix. Everyone laughed and Alex even managed a grin.
They each grabbed a Math and English text book and headed over to the stationary.
Alex examined the selection carefully, looking at the beautiful display of fountain pens. Lafayette seemed to have noticed him staring.
"You can get one. I have one at home, maman won't mind."
Alex looked incredulously at Lafayette and slowly picked up a beautiful dark brown pen with a silver nib, and a small pack of ink refills. He put them into the basket next to the text books and Hercules whistled in appreciation.
"Nice pen, you write a lot Alex?"
"Yeah, I guess so." He tried a smile.
"That's pretty cool, I write a bit too, mostly on my laptop though. All three of us are in speech and debate."
Alex livened up a bit at that.
"Really! Wow, I've been wanting to be in a debate club since I was twelve!"
John grinned at that, "you'll get along well with Angelica then, she adores anything to do with passionately expressing her opinion."
The three boys chuckled slightly and Alex nodded, wide eyed.
They each grabbed a pack of ordinary biros and some pencils and rubbers before moving on to another section of the store, this on full of notebooks and folders.
About fifteen minutes later they emerged from the shop, Alex giddy with excitement. He'd bought two new notebooks for his personal writing, a folder for his homework, a planner and plenty of files for coursework, not to mention the beautiful fountain pen.
Their next stop was clothes, what Hamilton had been dreading the most. They each grabbed a basket and went through the mens' wear.
Alex had never been fussy about what he wore, most of his clothes were thrifted, not in the 'rich kid slumming it to be cool' way though. More in the 'this shirt is fifty cents, it's the only thing I can afford' sort of way.
It didn't seem John was really interested in clothes either, but Hercules and Lafayette were in their element, picking tee shirts and jeans left and right, considering every zip and shade.
After half an hour Lafayette had picked out more cloths for Alex than Alex had for himself.
"Now we must go and try them on, oui," he exclaimed happily.
Shit, they're gonna see my bruises. My bandages. But I can't say no, how could I , when Laf is buying all this for me.
They all walked together to some changing cubicles and Alex hesitantly stepped into one, quickly taking off his shirt and putting on a long sleeved flannel and a pair of ripped jeans Gil had insisted he try.
He walked out self consciously, where the other three were waiting. Lafayette had tried on a new vest and jeans, of course, he looked incredible. It was John however who Alex couldn't help stare at.
Instead of his plain tee shirt he had tried on a dark blue button down and a pair of black jeans. The tightness of the material only emphasised his toned arms and his shoulders looked slim and elegant.
Stop it! You're disgusting, you're an abomination. He hates you, he hates you, he hates you...
They quickly worked their way through the clothes, John and Alex already tired of the ordeal but following along anyway.
Soon Alexander had tried on all the long sleeve sweaters and t-shirts and was only left with a few vests.
Gulping, he called out to Lafayette in French, thinking the safety of the language would guard him from prying ears.
"Lafayette, je ne peux pas essayer les vests, Ils verront les coupures et bleus."
Lafayette, I can't try on the vests, they'll see the cuts and bruises.
His voice voice shook ever so slightly but he hoped the other two wouldn't notice due into the unfamiliar language he was speaking.
There was an akward silence outside the changing room, then Lafayette responded.
"Uh, Alex, John peut comprendre le français."
Alex, John can understand french.
There was a deathly silence and Alex cursed under his breath. Not willing himself to come out of the changing room, instead he sunk onto the stool there and started hyperventilating.
You're actually just an idiot. An idiot freak who can't keep his mouth shut. As if John could ever like you after this. He probably already disliked you, now he definitely just hates you.
Alex bit into his knee to stop himself whimpering and drew in sharp, jagged breaths.
He heard Hercules' voice muffled through the door.
"What's going on you guys? I don't speak French."
"Just, go look at shoes or something for a second, you too John."
Alex heard annoyed muttering and suddenly the lock clicked open as though someone had twisted it from the outside.
Lafayette entered the changing room alone, a worried expression on his face. He locked the door again and Alex whimpered at the thought of being locked alone in a room with anybody, no matter how kind they had presented themselves to be.
"Shh, shhh, Alex, it's okay. John's a good person. He will say nothing."
Alex shook his head and his vision swam, colourful spots dancing in front of him. He must have looked dazed,
"Alex, do not pass out. Please, you are okay. Let us count your breathing."
Lafayette started, "one, two, three, four, five..."
After the second time he got to ten Alex joined in, breathing the numbers out slowly and raggedly.
A few minutes later he had calmed down sufficiently and Laf had run to a sales assistant to get him some water. Alex gulped down the cool, soothing liquid and stood up.
"I'm okay now. Sorry Laf, I feel like such an idiot for not considering that John spoke French.."
"Mon chère, non, you didn't know. When I first met him I had no idea, it was a little like when I first met you."
"You called him short?"
"Non, annoying."
Alex laughed albeit shakingly and drained his water. He could imagine a younger Lafayette staring in shock at a pissed off John.
He gathered up all the clothes that Alex wanted to buy, which was most - Lafayette did have a good eye for fashion.
They brought everything to the till where John and Hercules were waiting.
They both stood up immediately.
"Alex, are you okay? You sounded a bit, uh, anxious back there." Hercules' voice was laced with concern.
Alex looked at Lafayette and drew in a deep breath.
"It's no big deal, I get panic attacks sometimes but they're totally manageable and Laf here is good at helping me."
Hercules nodded in understanding and Alex decided he really liked him in that moment, his calm and non judgemental demeanour was relaxing.
John was eyeing Alex in concern. As they left the shop, he hung behind next to Alex as Laf and Hercules walked ahead.
"I'm sorry you had a panic attack back there, I promise I won't tell Herc or anything, and you don't have to worry about me judging you."
you would if you knew how I got all those cuts...
"Thanks John. That means a lot."
They stared at each other for a long moment and they both blushed in similar shades of pink.
Alex swore he could see himself reflected in John's eyes.
Breaking the eye contact, they continued to walk altogether through the mall, not daring to presume the look had been anything more that just that, a look.
In their second last stop they went to the drug store, just for five minutes, to pick up some shampoo, tooth paste, soap and deodorant for Alex and Gilbert.
Before leaving the mall to part ways they stopped into a local coffeehouse and each got large, steaming lattes, with the exception of Alex who preferred the stronger Americano.
They sat crammed together in a tight booth, laughing and sipping coffee. Every time John reached in to pick up his mug, his fingers brushed Alex's and Alex felt like how he imagined Thoams Edison had when he invented the he lightbulb. The same electricity seemed to be coursing through his fingers and up his arm, warming his entire being.
Their knees were pressed together under the table and though it was due to the lack of space, Alex couldn't help but feel warm inside, and he didn't think this was due to the coffee...
When they had all said goodbye to each other Lafayette walked home chatting merrily to a socially exhausted Alex.
When Lafayette opened up and stepped inside, Martha insisted they show her all they had bought.
She nodded approvingly at the clothes they had bought and exclaimed in delight at Alex's new notebooks and pens.
"Oh Alex, these are lovely! I hope one day you'll show me some of your writing!"
Alex shrugged but then nodded. He was actually pretty proud of some of his more recent, political essays. He could show her those sometime.
He carried the piles of clothes and other items up to his bedroom, where for the first time he unpacked and placed everything he had either in his drawers or cupboard.
After dinner that night, which was a relatively uneventful affair, he sat with the Washingtons and they watched a documentary about the 2016 election.
Afterwards they had descended into a fiery discussion over Trump's vice president Mike pence and who they would like to run for the next election.
Lafayette in particular had gotten so worked up he had taken to yelling angrily in torrents of French, to no one in particular, well, maybe the president, and uttering such foul swear words that Alex felt sure that if the Washingtons had understood, it would not have been pretty.
Lying in bed exhausted that night, Alex didn't have time to worry about school or the Washingtons or George. All he could think of was how John curled his hair around his finger when he was thinking or the way he wrinkled his nose when he laughed.
Part of him was screaming that this was unnatural and disgusting, that he was a boy and so was John, but a larger part of him just wanted to know what John's hair felt like under his fingers.
He drifted off into his first easy sleep for while and astonihingy, didn't wake up once during the night.
that was a little shorter than usual, like 3,800 words roughly. Anyway, lams! But don't get to comfortable, Alex has not got it so easy yet!
