heya! Hope you're enjoying the story so far, thanks so much for all the positive reviews and favourites I'm getting, it's really nice of you guys!
By the way, I saw the most John Laurens looking guy recently, he was very cute. I almost died. Anyway. Thanks again to Kinzey (thatwritermadeofpotatoes) She's a great beta reader and very helpful!
Anyway, this chapter isn't so grim... well. You might be feeling very angry and or protective by the end of it so... leave a review telling me what you think will happen, or any comments you have about this chapter!
Trigger warnings: self hatred, bullying, mention of homophobia, anxiety, homophobic slur.
The next few days dragged by at a snail's pace, each one the same. Repetitive, mind numbingly boring, grey.
Alex had never liked company other than those he was close too, but he couldn't pretend he didn't miss having someone to at least sit in a comfortable silence with.
His rib was healing itself gradually and he could laugh and yawn now with only the slightest pain. The bruising around his eye was now a collage of yellows and greys, no longer angry and swollen looking.
He'd taken four days off and then the weekend until he'd managed to convince George and Martha that he was okay, that he was fine to go back to school.
Of course, there was still the matter of what George and Martha were going to do about the incident that had taken place a few days earlier.
On the night before Alex was due to go back to school, George called Lafayette down to the kitchen to talk with him and Martha about the situation.
George was sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in his left hand and book in front of him. Martha was to his right in her pyjamas with the crossword out on the table before her.
Lafayette bounced on with his usual enthusiasm and perched on the counter top, feet bare and, unusually, hair out in a large cloud of curls surrounding his head.
"Qu-est qui se passe?"
He looked up anxiously and rolled his shoulder.
"If this is about me punching Charles Lee, he deserved it."
Martha smiled slightly and shook her head, and George responded.
"No, Gil, it's about what happened on Monday, with Alex."
Lafayette frowned and didn't respond, a certain anger lurking in the depths of his eyes.
Martha pressed on.
"We want to know what you think we should do. You were there on Monday."
Lafayette thought for a moment and fiddled with the end of his hair.
"I-I... Alex maintains he never saw who did it, although, he talks like he knows we don't believe him."
George sighed, "I don't know how we can go to Principal Adams if Alex won't accuse these boys of anything."
Lafayette drummed his fingers against the counter top. "Mais, we saw Lee hurt him, and he called me a... well, you know."
He trailed off there, not making eye contact with his parents. George felt anger and concern stab at his heart. Part of him pitied and despaired over these boys, how they'd been raised to believe some were lesser due to who they loved. But part of him felt a hot and surging rage that anyone could disrespect his son in such a way.
"Yes, but you also punched Lee in the face." Martha calmly said. "If Alex stays out of this matter, Adams could have reason to suspend you for that."
Lafayette was clenching and unclenching his fist, his face frustrated and livid.
"Mais, c'est ne pas juste! C'est fou!" His volume was rising slightly. Not quite a yell but a more than adequate expression of anger and resentment.
"Lafayette, English with us please."
He took a deep breath and let his fist curl open. George could see crescent moon imprints where his nails had dug into his palm.
"It's not fair. We can't report them because they've made a threat to Alex and if we do, I might be suspended!"
Martha and George looked at each other, the former sighed and nodded at her son.
"That's basically it summarized. Do you think we should talk to Alex about it?"
Lafayette shook his head.
"I think Alex wants to forget this happened. He has a lot to deal with at the moment. This is more to cope with over everything else."
George pressed his palms to his eyes and leant back in his chair.
"So the best thing to do is to let it go?"
Martha reached forward and took her husband's hand gently.
"I think that is what we're getting at here."
The kitchen was silent then, the air thick with emotions floating and twisting around them like smoke. Anger, concern, frustration, to name a few.
Lafayette slid off the counter top and walked towards the door.
"I'm going to talk to Alex."
He didn't wait for his parents to respond, instead marching out of the kitchen silently. George knew he wasn't angry at them, rather at the situation they were in.
Alex was lying on his bed reading the only book he'd brought with him from his previous families. It was a Harry Potter book, a beaten and worn copy of the fourth one, and was missing a back cover. The series had become a sort of comfort blanket for him. It was by no means his favourite book, or even series, but something about it was just warm and comforting. It was pure escapism.
He jumped slightly at a knock on his door. Alex shut his book and got up to open the door.
He smiled at Lafayette when he saw his foster brother at his door, but this smile dimmed somewhat when he noticed the stormy expression on the boy's face.
"Laf? Everything good?"
He didn't respond and instead walked into Alex's room, flopping face first onto his bed.
"Tout est merde, Alexander."
Alex frowned. "What do you mean?"
"The sun will swallow us all, we're going to die eventually. Nothing we do really matters, the universe doesn't care about us."
Alex laughed at this. "Okay, Nietzsche, what's really up?"
Lafayette sat up suddenly.
"How can you let Lee and George just get away with this?"
Alex stiffened.
"I've no problem with beating the shit out of them for calling you a fag."
Lafayette huffed, "that's not what I mean. I punched Lee for that. I'm talking about what they did to you Alexandre."
"He just grabbed my rib, I can deal with-"
"He broke your rib, punched you in the face and strangled you!"
Alex shook his head, his heart pounding. "I never said that. I never saw who it was."
Lafayette ran a hand through his hair, "Alex, why do you say this? No offense is meant, but I don't believe you. Neither does John."
They think you're a liar. They hate you. John thinks you're a liar, he hates you, too. He hates you, he hates you, and he hates you.
"I-I..."
He sat down next to Lafayette who put his arm around his foster bother gently.
"Alex? You can tell me anything."
Alex sighed and shook his head.
"Lee and George are assholes, but they're intelligent ones. I can't risk them hurting you or John or Herc. Hell, even Eliza, and I barely know her."
Lafayette gripped Alex's shoulder tightly but loosened his hold immediately when Alex flinched and stiffened.
"Is that what this about?" Lafayette asked.
Alex stood up and started to frantically pace.
"Just forget I said anything, Laf. Can we just leave it? Just forget it ever happened?"
Lafayette looked pityingly at his foster brother. Alex hated it. He hated people's sympathy, he hated that his life was one long sob-story.
"Alex... I think you should talk to maman et papa about this."
He stopped pacing immediately and shook his head.
"No. Look, Martha and George are great, so, so great. But… well, they care too much about this whole thing. I can take a few punches. God knows I've dealt with worse."
Lafayette stood up now, angry.
"That is the point, Alex! You've been through too much! Why should you get any more crap like this?"
Alex had taken a couple of steps away from Lafayette now. His anger scared him, he knew the warning signs. Raised voice, sudden movements, shaking hands. He'd come to associate that with pain.
Lafayette stopped himself and took in the boy in front of him.
"Je suis desolé. I'm not angry at you, Alex."
They both sat back down on the bed and Lafayette placed a steadying hand on his brother's shoulder.
"I just can't stand seeing you hurt, Alexander."
Alex couldn't help feeling his eyes sting with tears at that. He blinked a few times and nodded.
"That's the reason I have to forget about this. I won't watch you get hurt."
"Alex, I can take care of myself."
Alex smiled and faked a yawn. He'd had three cups of coffee today, he would get tired by four AM maybe, but not now.
"I'm tired, Laf, can we talk about this tomorrow?"
"You mean never..." Lafayette grumbled, standing up in grudging assent.
"Bon nuit, Laf."
His foster brother sighed but smiled.
"Bon nuit, Alex."
And with that, he left the room.
The next morning dawned on a cool, bright day. Alex woke to the sound of his alarm at quarter to eight.
He groaned and sat up, rubbing his eyes with exhaustion.
He couldn't remember his dream last night, but he thought it had been a nightmare. He could feel remnants of a vague sense of dread in his chest.
That probably wasn't the ideal way to start the day.
He grabbed a pair of boxers, blue jeans, a shirt and a green sweater. Bleary eyes and uncoordinated movements, he stumbled into his clothes and brushed his hair and tied it into a knot.
He looked in the mirror and was relieved to see his bruises were healed almost entirely. In fact, if you weren't too close to him, you might just overlook them.
He splashed his face with water and enjoyed not having any make up to put on over a bruise or a scarf to strategically wrap around his throat. He was used to having to take these kind of precautions since he'd lived with the Johnsons.
He could hear stumbling and French cursing in Lafayette's room as the teenager was dressing and getting ready clumsily. He wasn't exactly a morning person.
Alex opened his door onto the landing and walked downstairs. His rib was still painful but he'd learnt to deal with it. He couldn't say he wasn't eager for it to heal though.
He pressed the button on the kettle and filled one mug with instant coffee and placed a tea bag in the other for Lafayette.
He grabbed a bowl from the cupboard and poured some cereal into it for himself. One positive from the last week or so was that he thought he'd gained a little weight. He was by no means at a healthy point yet but he felt slightly less emaciated and more... scrawny?
Lafayette walked into the kitchen just then. His hair was tied in its usual ponytail and he was wearing black jeans and a red tank top.
Alex passed him the mug of tea and Lafayette grinned.
"Alex, mon chèr, you keep me alive!"
Alex smiled slightly and poured milk into his cereal.
They ate breakfast quickly and went upstairs to grab their bags and brush their teeth. They were just about to leave when Martha and George came downstairs, both in their work clothes.
"Oh! Morning, Gil, Alex. We overslept a little, I think."
Martha yawned after saying this and covered her mouth.
"Au revoir, maman, papa!" Lafayette leaned in to hug his parents while Alex smiled awkwardly at the side.
"Good luck at school, you two, stay safe." George smiled but there was an air or concern hidden behind his words. Martha wrapped Alex in a sort of one armed hug and key him go quickly, waving the two boys goodbye when they walked out the front door.
Alex sat in his homeroom, nestled into a corner reading. He figured no one would disturb him there.
He felt his stomach clench with dread when someone slid into the seat next to him. He dared not look up, assuming the worst.
To his surprise, instead of the icy voice of Charles Lee or the sarcastic tones of George Frederick, he was met by the cheerful tones of Eliza.
He smiled and looked up at her.
"Alexander! What's up?"
He grinned, "Not much, just glad to be back at school."
She nodded. "Yeah, I heard you'd been off a while. Are you okay?"
He hesitated take this and fiddled with a page in his book.
"I'm fine, just was a bit sick."
That's only technically true...
She nodded sympathetically and grinned again. She was just as cheerfully adorable as he remembered, her kind smile lighting up the corner and giving off a protective, caring aura.
"You're reading Harry Potter?"
He blushed at this and nodded, embarrassed.
"I-I guess I've a-always read it. S-since I was a k-kid"
She smiled again at this. "Nah, don't be embarrassed. I love it, too!"
They continued talking for a while, Alex coming to like her more and more. Her laugh was charming. It sounded like friendship and made him think of staying up late with popcorn and a TV series.
The teacher came in and they had to stop talking as he took roll call.
Alex had French next whereas Eliza was taking German.
They split up at the door of the classroom, both going different directions. Alex smiled after Eliza as she walked off with another girl wearing bright red lipstick and a red lacy tank top.
He grinned over at Lafayette and John and took his seat in front of them. They chatted for a while, the class slowly filling up around them.
Monsieur Grants walked in then, prompting the class into silence. He had just sat down at the desk when two boys walked in, laughing loudly and pushing each other.
Lee and George.
Alex met John's eye, who smiled reassuringly and gave him a tiny nod.
Charles and George walked to their desks and slumped down, already looking bored.
Alex didn't think they'd seen him, he sighed internally and opened his French textbook as Monsieur Grants started conjugating a verb in the subjunctive tense on the board.
He was writing the date into his copy book when he felt someone's eyes on him. He looked up, already feeling sick.
Lee was staring at him, mouth stretched into a grin that promised pain, his eyes cold and harsh.
Alex scowled and looked back down at his copy book, not wanting to humour Lee any further.
The lesson passed mostly uneventfully apart from the rather off putting way Lee looked at him every time Alex glanced in his direction. He didn't like the expression on his face. It looked almost… amused. Coldly complacent seemed the best way to describe it.
He did his best to ignore this and continued his work as usual, translating from the textbook easily and accurately. Monsieur Grants had given him an extra sheet to work on so he focused all his effort into that.
After that class he walked with Lafayette to Science, John had gone to meet Hercules in art class.
Science had never been one of Alex's good subjects. Well, what he meant was he wasn't naturally drawn to it like he was to English or French. He only got good grades because he worked so hard.
The sciences building was large and airy, with big windows and light blue walls. Their teacher was a small woman with white hair and wrinkles. Lafayette warned Alex to keep on her good side.
Thankfully, Lee and George weren't in this class, so Alex actually managed to relax somewhat and get some work done.
Break time came eventually and Lafayette suggested they go out to meet John and Hercules on the field, which was where they'd hung out since freshman year.
The sun was beating down on the school yard, making everything look like a scene from the outsiders. The he eat was dry and dusty, it made Alex think of summers in New York when subway carts became his home and you could hardly see one nod of the block from the other, due to the heat haze.
Hercules and John were lying sprawled out under the shade of a large oak tree, their bags discarded next to them and their eyes closed.
Lafayette flopped down noisily next to Herc, making him jump and open his eyes. He playfully shoved Laf and lay back down, resting his hands beneath his head.
Alex lay down next to John and closed his eyes, glad for the opportunity of peace in the middle of the school day.
John turned over onto his side to face Alex, he was chewing on the end of some grass and his hair was golden syrup in the sun. Alex couldn't help but look at his lips, remembering how he'd kissed them that night, just last week.
"Lee or George give you any trouble?"
Alex shook his head, snapped out of his reverie.
"Nah, they don't seem super bothered about me. Which is fine." He left out the eerie looks Lee had given him.
John smiled and closed his eyes. He even had tiny freckles on his eyelids...
The four of them lay in the sun for a while, laughing and chatting.
How do you guys know Eliza?"
Alex plucked grass next to him and twisted it between his fingers.
Lafayette smiled fondly. "We've come up to high school together since elementary. Her sister, Angelica, is the debate club head and her other sister, Peggy, is the funniest person you'll meet. Angelica is a junior and Peggy is in freshman year."
John grinned, "Eliza is pretty fearless. She's always standing up for herself and Maria when Lee and George are assholes"
Alex looked at John curiously. "Maria?"
Herc nodded and responded for him. "Eliza's girlfriend. She's Pan. Came out last year. Pretty much everyone was cool about it besides George and Lee. Well, maybe not that Seabury dude."
Alex frowned, "Yeah... they didn't strike me as the most forward thinking bunch..."
John leant on his elbows. "Speaking of debate, the first club meeting is on Thursday at lunch time."
Alex glanced sharply up and grinned. "I'm looking forward to it! Any of you guys in it?"
John shrugged. "I go to the meetings but I'm not on the team, yet, I'm hoping that will change this year. Laf and Herc normally come to watch."
Alex grinned and rolled back onto his back, maybe he could actually enjoy his life here...
Stop it. You can't get too comfortable, soon they'll realize how much of a freak you really are. Will they want to be your friend then?
Alex's chest tightened and he closed his eyes, not allowing himself to look at his friends. They'd be better off without him. They didn't need him, he was just something else to worry about.
The bell rung faintly to their ears and they leapt up, grabbing their bags. Alex had history with all of them, and American politics afterwards by himself.
The halls were heaving as usual and Alex tried to keep his breathing under control. He wasn't exactly claustrophobic but large crowds made him feel trapped. If he had a panic attack there'd be no escaping...
He tightened his grip on the strap of his bag and pushed his way through the crowds, keeping Lafayette's bouncing ponytail in sight.
The history class room was nearly full when they arrived and, to Alex's dread, Charles and George were sat in the back row. They looked up at him as he entered and Lee shot him a cruel smile. He did nothing however and turned back to George. Lafayette ignored them and pushed Alex into his seat next to John. The four of them sat in the second row, in a line next to each other.
The class progressed quickly. Alex had always found history fascinating and he hardly noticed the murmuring and occasional laughter coming from the boys behind him.
They were covering the civil rights movement in America and he and John followed the story eagerly, taking notes every other second in their books.
The bell went just as the teacher was explaining the Montgomery bus boycott and Alex grudgingly threw his stuff into his backpack.
American politics was only two rooms down so when he said goodbye to the others he was alone, early for class.
Then, the last people came out of history and walked towards where he was standing. Lee and George. He didn't move, just stood there, waiting for class. He hoped they'd just ignore him. He wasn't so lucky.
Lee and George stopped in front of him and stood there. There was that familiar look in Charles' eye. Alex didn't like it, it promised pain. George just stood there, with his usual nonchalant smirk plastered across his face.
"Can I help you?"
He had just realized they were alone in the corridor.
"Your parents didn't even care enough to do anything, did they? You come home, face rearranged and they do nothing."
Alex stiffened at the mention of his parents. They were dead. Did they know he was a foster kid?
George laughed. "He's an orphan. No one left to care."
Lee smiled. "Of course, you're staying with that French one. What's it like? Living in a house where you're just an after-thought?"
Alex didn't want to dignify Lee with a response but his tongue was burning with a stream of insults he longed to hurl and him.
"What's it like being such a nobody that you have to compensate for lack of personality by being an dick?"
He didn't even regret it, a smirk was still spread across his face when Lee's punch landed in his stomach. He curled in over the fist and gasped in shock, trying to step away from the two boys, but his back was up against the wall.
Lee stepped forward and grabbed Alex's face with strong, crushing fingers. He forced asked to look at him and snarled.
"You're just an orphan, immigrant, waste of space. You think anyone actually likes you? No one does. They all say it when you're not around."
He let go of Alex's face and turned around to George, walking away to stand further down the corridor as students poured in from either end. Alex clutched his stomach tightly and rubbed his jaw.
He tried not to think of what they'd said to him and shut his eyes.
If they believe all that stuff too, it has to be true. You really are just a waste of people's time. A waste of space.
He took a few deep breaths and walked into class, taking a seat right at the back of the room.
No one wants to see you. Don't draw attention to yourself. Say silent. Stay still. You don't matter anyway.
That's grim... anyway, hope you enjoyed. Leave a review and follow / favourite!
