It is inhuman to be totally good, as it is to be totally evil.
-Anthony Burgess
"You look like him."
Kazue jumped slightly, caught off guard by the sudden break of silence. He was sitting on the kitchen counter of Sasuke's house, Sasuke standing opposite to him, leaning against the sink.
For the first time, Sasuke took a good look at Kazue, chest constricting at the painfully familiar face that stared back, unable to fathom what he was saying.
"Huh?"
"Like Itachi." Sasuke clarified, "You look exactly like Itachi." Then, he cocked his head slightly, as if contemplating.
"Except the shape of your eyes."
Kazue averted his eyes, fingers curling against the hem of his shirt.
"Mama said that too."
"Hn."
Sasuke sighed, not knowing how to begin the conversation. Irritated, he ran a hand through his hair.
"Let's begin with what you do know about him. Did your mother tell you anything regarding him?"
Kazue tensed up, thinking of the first time his lovely mama had told him about his papa.
His vision blurred.
He swallowed, his hands clenching into tiny fists. Sasuke watched silently, as Kazue's face paled by the second, wondering what could have earned such a reaction.
Kazue opened his mouth, trying to manage a word past the lump in his throat, but to no avail. He swallowed again, clearing his throat.
"I hated him." Kazue looked up, finally knowing how to begin, "I hated papa."
Sasuke's eyes widened at the revelation.
"Why?"
Kazue narrowed his eyes.
"Because he left us." Kazue replied bitterly, not noticing Sasuke flinch slightly, his jaw clenched.
It was me. I was the reason he left. You shouldn't hate him. You should hate me.
"All the kids back home used to make fun of me, always saying mean stuff." He pursed his lips, "They used to say things about mama too, and it always made her sad."
Clasping his hands together, Kazue nervously licked his lips.
"So, one day, I asked her. Where my papa was. She kind of froze for a second, then said that she would tell me someday. Whenever I asked any questions, she would never answer, and start talking about something else. So, I stopped asking."
Once again, Kazue paused, red and silver obscuring his vision. He shook his head, pressing his hands to his eyes, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. It worked, as he exhaled. His voice was slightly muffled by his hands, when he spoke again.
"A few months ago, there was a fire in a nearby house. It was night, and many people had gone to see what had happened. Mama went too, to see if she could help. I was still asleep at the time, so I was at home."
Slowly, Kazue removed the hands from his face, looking straight at Sasuke, eyes wide, yet oddly blank and empty.
Once again, Sasuke flinched. He'd seen those eyes before. In Itachi, in Obito and lastly, in a mirror.
They were the eyes of someone who'd seen Death, but had been helpless to stop it.
He did activate the Sharingan.
Sasuke couldn't help but shudder at the thought, familiar with process of activating his bloodline for the first time and the excruciating pain that came along with it.
"That night, two men broke into our house."
The shudder that rolled up his spine was not missed by Sasuke.
"Mama later told me that they were there to steal. But, something happened."
Kazue's voice shook, as his whole body trembled.
"They s-suddenly started f-fighting," His voice shook even more, as he stumbled over his words, breath coming in pants, "a-and there was a k-knife, a-and b-b-blood, a-a-and-"
He was hyperventilating.
Sasuke was by his side in a flash, clutching his shoulders in a firm grip, as he met his eyes.
"Kazue, breathe."
Focusing on him, Kazue took a deep breath, shuddering as he exhaled. He gulped.
"You can stop if you want." Sasuke told him quietly.
In response, Kazue shook his head.
"I-I have to know. About him."
Sasuke closed his eyes, as if in pain, chest constricting.
But, I'm not sure if I want to tell you. I'm not sure if I should.
"A-After some time, that man left." Then, Kazue placed a single hand on one of his eye.
"That was the first time my eyes burned. It hurt so much. And then, my head started hurting too. And then, I fainted."
Kazue paused, eyes glazing over.
"When I woke up, I was in my room. My eyes were still hurting, and mama was in the kitchen. When she saw me, she-"
His voice cracked.
"She cried so much. She said that she'd hoped that I would take after her."
The Byakugan, Sasuke thought.
"That was the first time she told me I looked like papa. I think,", Kazue clenched his fists, "I think it was the first time she herself realized it too."
Sighing, Kazue looked up at the ceiling, remembering what his mother had said after that.
"That time, I didn't need to ask her about papa. She herself told me."
Sasuke's eyes widened, his breath catching in his throat.
She hadn't told him, had she?!
"She told me that he was kind,"
Sasuke froze, the knot in his gut getting tighter and tighter by the second. The more Kazue looked at his father with a positive light, the more heartbroken he would be when he found out the truth.
"Strong, smart, patient and loyal to a fault. She told me that he'd saved her life many times. She told me that he was a hero."
Sasuke just stared, the words echoing in his mind again and again, so loudly that he suddenly felt the urge to cover up his own ears.
He suddenly realized that Hinata had known about that truth of the Uchiha Massacre.
Had Itachi told her? Or was it Obito? Did Obito even know about them?
According to Naruto, Hinata was the kind of person to see the light in the darkest of days, and the good in the worst of monsters.
He wondered if that had been Itachi's downfall. If her kindness and compassion had been what caught Itachi's eye, causing him to let his guard down, and indulge in this luxury, if only for some time.
Sasuke knew the feeling.
He'd felt it when he was leaving the village as a Genin. As much as he'd like to deny it, Team 7 had become his family back then. He'd let his guard down, unintentionally letting them through the walls he'd built around himself and his fragile heart. And when he'd realized that he was getting attached, he'd told himself that it was fine. He'd convinced himself that he was going to leave soon enough, so he should enjoy the time he had with them.
That was the reason why letting them go had been Hell.
He knew that kind of pain, knew how bad it could be. He gritted his teeth at the thought that his brother--his brother who had already been through too much--had felt this too.
How much more, brother? How much more have you suffered?
He swallowed.
"She said that?" Sasuke's voice was unsure, not quite believing what he was saying.
Kazue, who had been silently watching Sasuke for the past minute, nodded.
"Uh-huh." Kazue replied, looking up at him, his tone quiet when he asked the question that palgued his mind, "Is it- Is it true?"
Sasuke looked up at him, his eyes softening slightly.
"Do you doubt it?"
Kazue looked away.
"Everyone hates him." He didn't ask, merely stated what they both knew to be true.
Sasuke regarded Kazue silently, mind trying i make up his mind.
"Will you be able to handle the truth? No matter how bad it is?"
Bad...
Kazue gulped, but didn't look surprised.
"Mama once told me that no one is completely good or completely bad in this world. Everyone has done good things and bad things in their lives."
Kazue looked at his hands again.
"I wondered then, why the only things she told me about papa were good."
Then, he looked up at Sasuke, eyes stubborn.
"I can take it. No matter what it is, I can take it."
There was silence, as Sasuke decided to start from the beginning.
"When this village was formed, the world was admist war. The major conflict was between the Uchiha Clan and the Senju Clan. In order to stop this war, two heirs of these two major clans, Uchiha Madara and Senju Hashirama, decided to put their differences aside and conclude peace. Senju Hashirama became the first Hokage."
Sasuke frowned, continuing.
"However, soon, they began arguing as the Uchihas were still mistrusted and forced to live in fear. Their wishes were ignored. To reach an agreement, the two heirs fought and Uchiha Madara lost, so since the beginning, there was bad blood against the Uchiha."
"Why? Hadn't the war ended? Why did they continue fighting?"
Sasuke looked at him softly.
"Tell me, Kazue. Even if your mother wakes up, would you ever forgive your grandfather? For what he did to her?"
Kazue frowned, "Never."
Sasuke nodded.
"It's the same thing. When someone hurts the people you love, it's hard to forget them. You will always mistrust them, even if just a little bit, because you know that they could always hurt your loved ones again."
"But the Senju Clan had hurt us too, right? Did we trust them?"
"The Senju Clan had more allies as compared to the Uchiha Clan, so that's why many people overlooked that fact that we suffered too. We hoped that they would listen to our wishes and take note of our opinions. But, nothing they did was in our favour, so we stopped trusting them, too."
"What happened next?"
"Years later, under the Hokageship of Minato Uzumaki, the fourth Hokage, the nine-tailed fox attacked Konoha. The destruction caused by the attack was severe with many casualties, including the Hokage."
Sasuke turned to Kazue, slightly hesitant if he should reveal the next piece of information.
"The Sharingan--our bloodline trait--has the ability to control the nine-tailed fox, so many people assumed that our clan had staged the attack. The person who had done it was, indeed an Uchiha, but instead of finding him, the village blamed the entire Uchiha clan for the tragedy."
"But, it was only one person. They knew that, didn't they? Then, why did they blame the whole clan?"
"Like I said, the Uchiha had been hated for quite some time. All the village needed was an excuse to voice their hatred out loud."
Kazue's eyes ignited, as he shook his head.
"But, that's unfair! Did they really hate us that much?"
Sasuke nodded in response, relieved that Kazue understood. He was surprised that he had kept up with him this entire time. He had expected him to get bored, or not understand half of what he was saying. Sasuke did nothing to quell the pride that suddenly erupted. His lips twitched.
I mean, he is Itachi's son.
Kazue was still frowning, eyebrows pinched in thought. There was the slightest hint of a pout in his lips.
"What happened then?"
"It was in such circumstances Itachi was born and grew up." Sasuke's heart clenched when he saw Kazue's eyes light up at the name of his father.
"He was a genius." Sasuke said, quietly, "A Prodigy. Even being as young as he was, he was easily one of the strongest Shinobi of the world. He was a beacon of hope for the Uchiha. He was loyal to the village and many hoped that his loyalty would make things better, and prove that Uchihas can be trusted too."
Sasuke couldn't help but narrow his eyes bitterly.
"Everyone, especially our father, expected much from him. He was the pride of our clan."
Kazue held his breath, not wanting to miss a single word of what he was hearing.
"I looked up to him, because even though he was strong, he was kind. It was said that in a few short years, he would be stronger than even the Hokage."
Sasuke paused, letting all that sink in.
"What happened?" Kazue asked, his voice barely a whisper.
Sasuke pursed his lips. The hard part was coming, and he didn't think either of them would leave the house without breaking.
"When he turned ten, Itachi joined the ANBU Black Ops, as their youngest member. He carried out all kinds of difficult and important missions. He was so good that after just two years, he was given his own squad to lead."
Kazue listened with wide eyes, bright with awe.
Amazing! Papa was very strong!
"But of course, it came with a price. He was always on missions, and never had time for anything else. He was always deep in thought and began to drift away from all of us."
Sasuke took a deep breath
"One night," Sasuke's voice shook. Kazue straightened up and knew it was coming. Whatever wrong his papa had done was coming.
"One night, he put on his ANBU Uniform, and with his own hands, he-"
Sasuke broke off, looking into Kazue's eyes as they waited expectantly. Sasuke suddenly realized that he couldn't say it. Not to a four year old.
Not to his son.
Kazue soon realized that Sasuke wasn't going to say anything. His face took on a frustrated look.
"Tell me! Please!" His voice had a begging edge to it. He had to know. Didn't Sasuke understand that?
"He killed them all." Sasuke had to force the words out of his mouth.
Kazue's blood ran cold.
What?
He held his breath, slowly understanding what Sasuke meant.
Killed? Papa...was a murderer?
He suddenly remembered that two men in his room, fighting, the blood spurting out from where the knife had sunk in the abdomen of one of them.
His papa...had been like them?
The room began spinning, as Kazue clamped a hand over his mouth.
"N-No, he w-wont." He voiced, denial clear in his tone.
"T-There w-was some m-mistake. H-He-" But, one look at Sasuke gave him confirmation.
He started trembling, sharp gasps escaping his lungs. He suddenly remembered the picture he had of his father, and suddenly, he saw want everyone else had been seeing all this time.
Dark, merciless, dangerous.
His vision blurred.
"Y-You're l-lying!" He burst forth, raising a finger at Sasuke, his tone hot, accusing. Sasuke flinched.
"H-He won't! Papa would n-never!"
Sasuke watched as Kazue's tears fell, his hands gripping at his hair.
Both Sharingans flickered on.
He won't! He won't! He won't!Hewon't!He won'tHewon'tHewon'tHewon'tHe-
Kazue didn't even realize that he was screaming his thoughts out loud.
Sasuke was by his side, hands raised, trembling, as he watched his nephew fall to pieces. Sasuke simply stared, his breathing getting heavier by the second, the lump in his throat getting tighter and tighter.
Stop it. God, please stop it. I can't-Fucking stop-Breath-Stop! My chest hurts-I said stop- what to do?
Acting on instinct, Sasuke roughly pulled the boy towards him, holding his trembling form to his chest. He buried his face in Kazue's dark locks, trying to hide his gasping. Kazue immediately clutched him, now openly sobbing into his cloak. Sasuke clutched him tighter, the two lone members of the massacred clan seeking comfort in each other.
It seemed forever until Kazue's sobs subsided, only an occasional hiccup breaking through.
"He won't." He whispered, brokenly, "He really won't."
He thought all about what his mother had told him. Had she lied to him? Is that why she didn't want to come back? Because she didn't want him to find out what a cold-blooded monster his father was?
Sasuke didn't want to continue, especially after what just happened. He feared another breakdown, only this time he doubted that Kazue would be the only one shedding tears. But, he also knew that he had to go on. Incomplete knowledge was dangerous, and he didn't want to continue the Uchiha legacy of hatred.
Sasuke took a deep breath, his voice hoarse when he spoke.
"He was thirteen when he did it. He killed all the members of our clan, except me. He said that I was too weak, not even worthy of killing. He said he did it to seen the extent of his power."
Sasuke might now have seen it, but he felt it. A new wave of tears was coming.
Papa...why?
"After that night, I swore to avenge my family. I swore to get stronger so that I could defeat him. I was blinded by hatred and vengeance."
Sasuke placed his cheek on Kazue's head, too ashamed to look the boy in the eyes.
"I discarded all my friends, severed all my bonds and left everyone. I sought power from evil means, and in doing so, hurt many people. People who cared about me. I got stronger and stronger, and yet, in the end, it wasn't enough."
Sasuke gritted his teeth, angry tears burning behind his eyes, as not for the first time, he cursed the way things had turned.
"We fought against each other, and despite all my training, I almost lost. The fight had exhausted all of his chakra. He was sick and no longer able to stop the illness from killing him. He died right in front of my eyes, smiling."
Kazue once again felt the tears leak from his eyes, but this time in grief. Despite all that he had done, Itachi still has been his papa. His beloved papa whom he had hoped would one day come back. He had envisioned the day many times. Such fantasies always ended happily, with him in his father's arms laughing, and telling all that he had missed, doing things he'd seen other kids do with their father.
But, he won't come back. Because he's gone forever.
Kazue sniffed slightly, no wanting Sasuke to catch him shedding tears over someone like his father. Someone who had taken everything away from him. Despite his resolve, a few sobs still escaped his lips.
"Papa." He cried out, pleading, not knowing what else to do.
Hearing his voice, Sasuke snapped. He clamped a hand over his mouth, a strangled sound escaping his throat.
"God, I'm sorry. Kazue, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to- Fuck, I'm sorry."
I didn't mean to kill him. The reason you will never get to meet him, is me.
Kazue watched with wide eyes, as Sasuke's shoulders shook, the wetness he felt on his shoulder the only proof of Sasuke's tears.
"Can you believe it?" Sasuke asked, a dry laugh escaping his lips, his voice thick, "My own brother. The only family I had left and I killed him."
Then, he took a deep breath.
"It was only after his death I found out the truth."
Kazue pulled back from the comfort of his Uncle's arms, to look up at him.
"Truth?"
"There was going to be another war." Kazue's eyes widened, "Our family, they were planning something. They were tired of being hated by the people and realized that they couldn't trust the village anymore. So, they decided to take things in their own hands."
"W-What?"
"They were going to attack the village and take control. Itachi didn't want that, so he went to the Hokage for help. However, the ANBU leader, Danzo, found out everything."
Looking down at Kazue, Sasuke clenched his fists.
"You must remember Kazue, that despite all his genius, Itachi was still a child. There was so much pressure on him from the village and the Clan, that the burden became too much for him to bear. Danzo ordered him to make a choice: Either kill the village, or kill the clan."
"And he chose the clan." Kazue finished for him, his body numb.
Sasuke smoothed Kazue's dishevelled hair, his tone soft.
"If you had a choice between hurting two people, or watch those two hurt twenty, what would you do?"
Kazue clenched his fists, trembling slightly.
"I don't know. Wasn't there a way in which no one would have to get hurt?"
"If there had been, then Itachi would've surely chosen that. But, there wasn't. So, he chose the clan and killed everyone, requesting the Hokage to take care of me. He didn't kill me because he couldn't. Apparently, I was the most precious person to him. Then, he left the village and started his life as a rogue ninja."
Kazue stared up at him, his eyes wide, and lips parted, not knowing what to feel.
"After he died, I thought I was the only Uchiha left and I was so alone. I had friends of course, but I longed for family, something I thought I would never have again."
Sasuke placed his hands on Kazue's shoulder.
"But, now I realize that I was wrong. You are my treasure, Kazue. My reason for living."
Kazue's eyes widened at the proclamation, watching as Sasuke's hands moved to cradle his face. The smallest of smiles appeared to Sasuke's face.
"Seeing you exist, makes me so, so happy."
Then, slowly wrapping his arms around the child that proved that a part of his brother was still living, Sasuke wept.
DAMMMMNNN..
That was really sad to write.
So, Sasuke finally confessed to his sins. How do you think Kazue would react? Do you think be would push him away?
Be sure to tell me your opinion!!
And another thing.
It seems as if only one of you found out the correct Itachi/Hinata interaction from the previous chapter. lol.
Many of you said that it was that time with the traveller, and while that is a major and very important event, that wasn't it. Heh.
Oh well, good luck next time!!
We are going to have a Neji's point of view soon. How do you think he will react? Will he accept Kazue into his life? Or forever remain bitter about the distrust of his cousin?
Wait to find out!!
Also, be sure to tell me your opinion in this chapter!!
-Your talented author.
