Word count: 944


Being back at Hogwarts isn't what Lavender expected it to be. No one really bothers her, though she suspects that has a lot to do with Ginny Weasley threatening the one Ravenclaw fifth year who made a snide remark about Lavender's scars. Since then, most people keep their distance or just look at Lavender from a distance. She's seen the pity in their eyes, and she hates it.

That's why she's here now, sitting in the Gryffindor common room after midnight because it's the only time it's ever empty. In the early days of repeating her seventh year, Lavender did try to study in the library, but being around people makes her feel so wrong now. She doesn't have the right words to explain how it makes her feel, but she can't remember the last time she was able to breathe freely, to feel like herself within her own skin. Her mother says things will get better, but Lavender doesn't know how that's even possible anymore.

Now, she sits in her favorite chair, balancing a textbook carefully in her lap and scrawling notes on her parchment as she reads.

"I thought I might find you here."

Lavender doesn't look up, but her lips quirk. Being around people is uncomfortable, but Parvati is the exception. Then again, they've been dating for over a year now, and Parvati was the one who stood by Lavender through even the worst parts of her recovery. "Shouldn't you be in bed?"

Parvati laughs and moves closer, taking the chair to Lavender's left. "I would ask the same for you," she says, and there's a teasing lightness in her voice. "How are you feeling?"

Lavender hates that question more than anything. Everyone asked in those early days after the war, but no one ever wanted to hear the truth. They only ever wanted Lavender to reassure them that she's fine, perfectly happy, and she's going to make a speedy recovery. They never knew how to react whenever she told them how broken she felt, how she wished Greyback had finished the job because death's sweet release would have been so much better than this suffering she was forced to endure.

Parvati listens, though. She doesn't judge Lavender for being human (because, despite Lavender's initial fears after being attacked by a werewolf, she is still human), and it makes it easier for Lavender to open up.

"I'm losing myself."

"I know. But I also know you're still in there."

Lavender snorts. Maybe, but she doesn't even know who she is anymore. If she found herself again, she wouldn't even recognize that Lavender. Her old self is gone, and this new Lavender… Well, she doesn't know what to do with herself most days.

She hears a subtle movement and looks up. Parvati pulls out a photo album and flips through the pages.

"I don't have time to go down memory lane," Lavender tells her. "I have to finish this essay for Sprout."

"You're great at Herbology," Parvati assures her. "I have faith in you."

With a roll of her eyes, Lavender shakes her head, but she doesn't protest. If it means so much to Parvati, she'll tolerate it.

"Look."

Lavender does. There's a daisy pressed in the film of the page, and she smiles. She gave that flower to Parvati the day they started dating. Lavender still remembers plucking the flower and tucking it into her beloved's hair. It had been the most natural thing, such a sweet and tender moment.

She feels a pain in her chest at that. Things were so easy then. Even when the world seemed to be falling apart around them, even when the Carrows were allowed to hurt them, things were still beautiful. Lavender misses it so badly that she can feel it in her bones.

Parvati presses a finger to one of the photographs. Lavender is wearing a red dress and smiling as Parvati, clad in a lilac gown, kisses her cheek. It had been at Terry Boot's family's Christmas party, a small affair, but their first public outing as a couple. Lavender still remembers being so afraid, only to find nothing but love and acceptance from her friends.

"We looked so happy."

Parvati chuckles. "We were."

And Lavender knows it's true. Parvati continues to turn the pages, showing smiling face after smiling face. Lavender in a swimsuit, splashing around in the Black Lake. Parvati with her legs hooked on a tree branch, dangling and grinning and holding up a peace sign. The two of them in the Room of Requirement, playing a card game with Neville and Hannah.

The nostalgia hurts, but there's something else there, something almost comforting. She remembers what each moment felt like. She remembers the happiness, the love, the laughter, the freedom. It doesn't feel like something is missing, never to return; maybe it's still there, just lying dormant and waiting for Lavender to figure out how to make it wake.

"I want to go back to that," Lavender whispers.

Parvati takes her hand, her thumb brushing over Lavender's knuckles. "You can," she says. "We can."

Lavender remembers all the hope everyone tried to give her, all the promises of how things would get better if she just kept a positive attitude. She didn't believe any of it. Hope always felt like some fake thing that was always just out of reach.

But the way Parvati talks, Lavender realizes that maybe, just maybe, it's possible. That smiling girl is still there, even if it feels like she's a ghost, a distant memory. Now, she knows that she can find that happiness again. All she needed was someone who truly believes.