DENIAL.
The Love Me duo made it back to the safety of their room and after closing the door behind her, Moko remarked the obvious, "that was weird. Seeing Ren's whole mood change so suddenly like that. And not just his voice, his whole aura. He became so intimidating so quickly." She whirled around to face Kyoko who had shrunk into the size of a tiny squirrel, shaking hysterically from fear, despite the fact that Ren was no where near her.
"That was so scary... I'm sorry... I'm sorry!" Kyoko's voice quivered more than her body as she mumbled and hugged her knees tightly. "I told him... It wasn't for revenge... But he still..."
"So..." Moko crossed her arms menacingly. She wasn't about to go easy on Kyoko for hiding things from her despite the fact that the poor soul was shaking in her boots like an inmate about to be sent to his execution. "What's this revenge-on-Sho-Fuwa business? Seems like Ren knew about it by the way he was talking."
"It's... nothing." Kyoko hid her face.
"You're not going to tell me after you told him? I guess I'm not really your best friend! Am I?"
"No! You are my best friend! It's just..." her voice trailed off. She did not want Moko to judge her the same way Ren did. She did not want her to find out that her motives were impure.
"Oh, no, I get it." Moko replied coolly. "Our so-called friendship ends right here and now." She actually believed for a while that they could be true friends. But turned out Kyoko did not put nearly enough trust in Moko as she did in her. Surprisingly, that hurt her. More than she wanted to admit.
"Moko, please wait," she grabbed her shoulders, but she jerked her hands away, ready to storm off.
Kyoko then knew she had no other choice. "Okay! I'll tell you!"
"I'm sorry. That's something I'm just not comfortable talking about," Ren told Yashiro when he asked him why all of a sudden his mood took a dip in the arctic ocean earlier.
"That's too bad. You are going to tell me anyway." Yashiro crossed his arms determinedly, refusing to take no for an answer. "I can't have that happen again. It's bad for business." Right after that little plight with Kyoko, Ren had a magazine interview. And for whatever reason he was all fueled up, he ended up taking it out on the poor interviewer and even made her cry by shooting her with one of his icy glares. Yashiro would have let it go if Ren hadn't failed to keep his emotions in check during that meeting, but not now. "As your manager, I need to know the truth. That way, I will manage any risks that come from it."
"Yeah," Ren gave him a convincing smile. "Don't worry. I am back to my normal self now. I'm fine, really."
"I don't believe you," Yashiro straightened his glasses and pursed his lips into a hard, firm line. "What guarantee do I have that you can keep your true feelings in check next time?"
"M-my true feelings?"
"Oh please. I know exactly why you got so upset," Yashiro patted his chest. "It's clear you don't like the idea of Kyoko working with Sho Fuwa at all. Even less if it's not about revenge." Squinting his eyes suspiciously, he continued, "you know you mentioned this revenge thing before. From what I've seen so far, looks like you know what's up. What is it about Kyoko and Sho? Why does their relationship make you so angry?"
Ren looked away. He answered all those questions in one sentence before striding off, and giving no chance to Yashiro to press him more. "It's not my secret to share."
"That's crazy. I had no idea that you and Sho Fuwa went way back like that," Moko exclaimed once she was done listening to Kyoko's story.
Kyoko slowly raised her head up with hope shining in her eyes to face Moko, "you're not mad? I thought you would hate me for this."
"Why would I?" Moko was confused.
"Because I only started all this to get back at him. It's the reason I became an actress." Kyoko was genuinely stunned with Moko's nonchalant reaction. After how Ren treated her this was way too good to be true, so she half-expected Moko to ditch her forever, which, of course, never happened.
"Kyoko, does Sho Fuwa even cross your mind when you're acting?"
Not even once, she realised and shook her head with an impish grin.
"That's my point," Moko said softly. "I can tell when you are rehearsing in class that you love this. Look, even if you book everything you audition for, become a star and get to look Sho straight in the eye on his level, it would be we just a small moment for you. I mean, even without revenge to push you onwards, you got the talent to make it. I think you've earned the right to work in this business just for you."
Kyoko couldn't help it, her eyes teared up. If she had known before that Moko would be this supportive, she would have told her about this way before. "Thanks Moko," she whispered and wiped the moisture from her eyes.
"So Ren was still upset even when you told him it wasn't all about revenge?" Moko stroked her chin as if contemplating. "But he looked more than just upset. It wasn't the look of someone who is disappointed. He looked pure mad."
A shiver ran down Kyoko's back just from the memory of that freezing glare. She resisted the urge to curl up in the foetal position and hide under her bench.
"The only explanation is, he wasn't happy to see you work with your ex, the guy you were once in love with," Moko scratched her chin as she pondered. "That's why he got worse when you said it wasn't for revenge. He must have started thinking that you still have feelings for that idiot. Honestly... It sounds like he's plain jealous."
"W- What?"
After some quick brooding on the subject, Moko shared the results of her deductive reasoning with Kyoko. "You're looking at this all wrong. I think Ren might have a thing for you."
It took a good minute for the meaning of Moko's words to register in Kyoko's brain. And when it finally did, the floor beneath her feet shifted from shock. She opened her mouth to respond but closed it when no words came out. She opened it again, but soon snapped it shut. For a few moments more, she continued to open and close her mouth like a suffocating goldfish as she ramshackled her brain to form words, before she finally managed to utter only two syllables which came out like a surprised yelp, "say what?"
"Oh, don't be such a drama queen!"
"But. What. You're. Saying. Is. Crazy! How. On. Earth. Could. You. Even. Think. That?" Each word sounded like it was forcefully kicked out from her itchy throat in a raspy voice.
Moko sighed in defeat. "Alright, I might be wrong. But if it's not jealousy, which would be a little weird, then there's only one more explanation."
"Whatever it is, that must be it!" Kyoko snapped.
Moko gave her a look.
Kyoko quieted down. "Yeah? What's that?"
"You lied, and maybe he saw right through it."
The guilt once again consumed Kyoko from inside out slowly smothering her. Because she did lie. She lied to the person she looked up to the most, Ren Tsuruga.
The pale blue dome of the extravagantly magnificent mansion looked even more impressive and beautiful basking in the first rays of the morning sun. The tall, azure, carved walls matched with the blue glass windows giving it a delicious, lustrous glint.
Ren drove inside the garden and parked his car in the garage, before he was greeted by a servant dressed up in full arabian attire.
"He's been waiting for you," the servant bowed. "Please, let me show you."
Ren followed him into an elegant and an absolutely opulent and ostentatious conservatory pool house with strikingly beautiful glass walls and ceilings. There, lying on his back on a white wooden sunlounger beside the pool, Lory Takarada was waiting. When he heard Ren approaching, he got up and put on his white bathrobe. "Ah. Good, you're here."
"Good morning, Mr President," Ren said. "Sorry for showing up on such an early hour."
"There is no need to apologize. I've been waking up at four-thiry in the morning for the past few weeks" President Takarada informed him.
"Are you having trouble sleeping?" Ren's tone was slightly concerned.
"Not at all." The President chuckled. "I'm just binging Tempest Of Love. Romantic and sexy dramas are totally my jam these days."
Ren shook his head and gave him a look that said 'should have known.'
He followed the President inside into a humongous living room with huge paintings hung on the decorative coloured walls and stone statues on every corner. It appeared even more profligately extravagant and superfluously ostentatious. Both men sank down on the opposite sofas facing each other.
"So why did you want to see me?" Ren was straight to the point.
"You're so boring with your general lack of gossip," the President completely ignored his question and lit a cigar casually. After taking a long puff, he continued, "Ren, your general perfection is making you boring. You have countless women constantly throwing themselves at you, yet not even one gossip article! Because you put on this cold facade that makes gossip absurd."
"What is it about?" Ren asked. Another servant entered the room with a large tray filled with all sorts of delicacies and also a kettle of tea. After putting them all on the small, square table between his hosts, and pouring out their tea, he disappeared.
"I'm not telling you to go out on a prowl," Takarada spoke up once they were alone again. "But you can't keep putting on a barrier between yourself and others or your relationships will always end up being shallow." he paused to inhale another long puff. "You are closed off, and you can't see the good in others when you're like that. Your heart will never be open to the possibilities presented to you."
"I take it that my lack of gossip is not the matter you wished to discuss with me when you said you wanted to see me." Ren said patiently. "Where is this leading?"
"I'm worried that you won't be able to get to the next level as an actor. Right now you are able to hide it with your charisma and skills. But eventually everyone will see through that."
"See through what exactly? What are you talking about?"
"You may be able to fool all of Japan but you can't fool me, Ren." Frowning, Takarada pointed an accusing finger at him and said, "when it comes to love, you're a terrible actor."
There was a slight, momentary crack in the hard shell which had been Ren's impassive face and it revealed his brows furrowing infinitesimally as if saying, 'how could he know?' or 'how could anyone know when I tried so hard to keep it a secret?', but before anyone could have noticed it, Ren regained his composure by stuffing the fissure in his shell and putting back that cool facade of a poker face.
Anyone else would not have noticed that because it happened just for a moment but not the oh-so-observant Takarada.
If the President had any doubt before, they were all gone now and he was convinced that he was right on the mark.
"I've seen it every time you appeared on dramas," Takarada went on, determined to prove his point and make Ren admit the truth. "Up until now, you've played parts with very light amounts of romance that has kept you safe. But Katsuki is a role for a serious romantic lead. Ren, I'm just being honest. You must refuse the part."
"I most certainly won't. You, out of all people, know just how much this role means to me."
"So you think you can top Katsuki from the drama Tsukigomori they put together twenty years ago? That's some serious ambition. Real serious."
"Right."
"And impossible."
"So you're just going to condemn the whole project? You know the director specifically wanted me to play Katsuki."
"Pick your battles, kid. Look, I need you to understand something here. I'm trying to protect you."
"I had a feeling you would say something like that. You don't think I can handle this role." Pride flashed in Ren's eyes.
"You're right, I don't. Sorry, but romantic leads just aren't in your wheelhouse. 'Cause when it comes to love, a wet noodle has more charisma than you." The President paused to take a puff. "Of course, I suspect it has a lot to do with the fact that you've never been in love."
"You're kidding, right?" Ren looked offended. "Please, I've been in love dozens of time. Just give me a break."
"Is that so?" Takarada stroked his chin and raised a mocking brow. "Let's hear an example then."
"Well... There was this one girl... and after that... there was this another one," Ren muttered as he counted on his fingers.
"Takarada slammed an angry fist on the table and Ren sat up straighter. "I'm not asking for the laundry list of the bunch you've dated! I'm talking about the women who actually meant something to you. The ones you couldn't imagine life without."
"I cared about all of them!" Ren shot back stubbornly.
"I'm sure you did. So then," with one last puff, the President put the half-burnt cigar on a glass ashtray, "why didn't any of them last long enough to become something more?"
Ren opened his mouth to reply but closed it back when he realised there was nothing to say which wouldn't come out as an excuse.
"I'm going to guess that all the break-ups happened on a common note. All of those girls would have said something like, 'there is nothing about me that sets me apart from the other girls.'"
Ren blinked with surprise.
"'You will never care about me the way I care about you.' Or, 'why do I feel so alone when we're together?'"
Ren blinked again and then squinted his eyes suspiciously. Has he been spying on me?
"Little on the nose, aren't I?" Despite the cold impassive shell on Ren's face Takarada could tell exactly what he was thinking. "Level with me, suppose your girlfriend tells you she loves someone else, are you the type to roll over, smile, and wish her well?"
"Well I guess..." Ren paused to consider. "Wouldn't letting her go be the right thing to do?"
"Maybe. But sometimes a girl only says something like that to see if you will fight for her."
Slowly but surely, Ren understood what Takarada had been trying to tell him. He then realised that maybe, just maybe, he didn't know what love was after all. Because he wasn't irrational when it came to any of the women he had dated. Irrational like all the male leads in movies and dramas were.
"Love ain't status quo," Takarada sighed and lit another cigar, pressing it between his lips to inhale. "It catches you off guard every time, that's how you know it's genuine. It doesn't keep things on an even key. It doesn't give a damn about what people think. It sure as hell doesn't keep standing, smiling like an idiot while the girl walks away. It turns you inside out, drives you crazy. That's not something you can fake, my friend. I'm not saying you didn't care about the women in your life. Of course you did. But if you expect an audience to buy that you're in love, you're gonna have to dig a lot deeper than that..."
Then I will, Ren vowed silently. He wasn't about to give up of this role, even if that meant going against the President's wishes.
"...They will see that your Katsuki is a fake from a mile away..."
No, they will be captivated. Ren didn't have any proof to back out his words so he didn't say them out loud, but he was sure as hell that they would be true.
"...you'll be a lifeless copy of the original Katsuki at best..."
You say that now, but I'm going to prove you wrong.
"...The story calls for an actor, not a mimic..."
Damn right! I know that better than you. I am an actor. Whatever it takes to make this role mine, I will do it!
Yashiro did not fail to notice the withdrawn look on Ren's face as he drove ahead to their next destination. With his eyes glued to the road and his hands clasping the steering wheel, his face looked poker like usual, but Yashiro could tell how upset he was just from the emptiness in his eyes. He had decided not to probe Ren too much and wait for him to open up himself. But there was a better chance of the ground cracking open than Ren's mouth without any outside persuasion.
"Hey, is everything alright, Ren?" Yashiro finally caved and asked.
Ren's eyes snapped to attention at the sound of Yashiro's voice, and the faraway look dissolved as he jumped out of his thoughts. "Huh?"
"Did he say something to you?" Yashiro inquired. There was no need to clarify who he was talking about because both of them already knew that Ren had gotten more quiet than usual only after his little meeting with President Takarada in the morning.
Ren didn't bother to reply. In truth, he was pondering on the President's words about the Katsuki role, but he did not want Yashiro to find out how Takarada had told him straight to his face that this role was beyond him, and specially the fact that it was because he didn't know a single thing about love, which just so happened, he only discovered recently.
"I mean, about Kyoko?" Yashiro pressed. For some reason, he was dead sure that whatever the President had said to Ren which ticked him off so much had been about Kyoko.
Ren groaned aloud as he lightly bumped his head on the steering wheel before straightening up again. When he spoke again, his voice sounded a bit irritated. "Yashiro please, stop trying to drag Kyoko into every conversation. Not everything is about her. You're pushing pretty hard. Do you really want the two of us to hook up that badly?"
"Ren, it isn't about me. It's not like I am trying to force something which isn't already there. I'm just trying to cure that depressed look on your face." He paused. "You are never upset about work. That part of your life had been secure for years now. I know it must be the one thing that can rattle around in your head, Kyoko."
"See what I mean! Stop it!" Ren raised his voice in frustration. "You make it seem like I am constantly pining after her!"
"Aren't you though?" Yashiro's brows popped up innocently. "Why else would you go so far to protect her secret? Unless you have feelings for her."
Ren didn't deign it necessary to reply. Yashiro ceased any further questioning too. If Ren was giving him the silent treatment, then he knew there was no way in hell he could get anything out of him.
Silence expanded between them as the car drove ahead. Approximately twenty minutes later, Ren jumped back to the topic, like he never stopped thinking about her once during all this time. "She's technically still in highschool."
Yashiro cocked his head. It took him a good moment to remember what they had been talking about in the first place before he understood who 'she' was. Clearing his throat, he asked casually, "so what?"
"You're kidding, right?" Ren looked at him in disbelief. "A man in his twenties shouldn't be dating someone who is in highschool!"
"Oh, Ren," Yashiro sighed. "Girls mature faster than men, everybody knows that. And that goes double for the girls in this business. It's not like she's sitting at home worried about highschool stuff. Her career makes her focused, it transforms her into a woman, into one of the most amazing women out there. Do you understand? If you keep trying to deny that, someone else will snatch her up, and you will be left alone with nothing but regret for not acting sooner."
