THE CREATIVE SLUMP.
Kyoko sat on Mio's bench and waited in her classroom for the scene to start. As she did, a big grin was stuck to her face. She was still thrilled about the fact that Ren actually praised her Mio. It was hard not to smile.
"Mio."
She snapped her head at the Director, who called out to her.
"Err... We're waiting for you to get into character."
"Right!" She slapped her cheeks hard to resist the urge to keep smiling before letting out Mio again.
At the end of the day, when all the targeted scenes were shot, the Director asked Kyoko in front of the whole cast-what inspired her to approach Mio the way she did and how did she manage to empathize with her twisted personality-so that the other cast members might also use her method to develop their characters - if they find it helpful.
"The way I see it," Kyoko softly caressed her temple and Mio's scar on it as she replied, "this scar is not just a scar but a metaphor for what Mio has gone through. I think of her like a princess in a fairytale. She has been put under the spell of ugliness. She feels like the most hideous girl in the whole world because all she can do is hate. Mio is a prisoner of her own self image. Her scar is a constant reminder. As long as it's there, she..." Kyoko's voice faltered with pain and tears flooded her eyes. She continued dramatically, "she can never turn back into the the beautiful princess she once was. It's so tragic!" The little drizzle of tears flowing from her eyes turned into a fountain. She sobbed, "someone lift the cause and make her whole again!"
"Kyoko," the Director's voice sounded concerned as he hesitated on how to react. "You think you might be taking this a little too for?"
"Well," Ren smiled at her over-dramatic reaction. "She's just...empathetic." He resisted the urge to laugh out loud. He found it hilarious that even after ten years, Kyoko had not changed one bit when it came to princesses or fairies. Living in her own fantasy land. He wondered if she still believed that fairies actually existed and Corn was one.
The clear blue water of the pond sparkled in the sunlight. The tree leaves rustled with the soft breeze. And in the middle of the picturesque scenery, sat a beautiful ten-year-old boy along with a little adorable girl with her dark hair tied in tiny pigtails.
She asked the boy a question in a voice dripped with hurt and sadness, "Corn, do you really have to go back to the fairy world? You're not coming back?"
"I am afraid not," he smiled sadly.
"Can I write to you?"
"Your letters won't reach me. I live in another world, remember?"
"I...thought we were friends!" Her eyes flooded with tears and she sobbed. "Don't leave me, Corn!"
"Don't cry," he gently wiped her wet cheeks and took out a blue rock from his pocket before giving it to her.
"What's this?"
"Just hold it up to the light."
"'kay." She did as she was told. Her tears vanished in an instant as she grinned at the object in her hands in amazement. "Hey! It changed colour!"
"I know," he chuckled. Dropping his voice to a mere whispered, he muttered, "it's magic."
"Really?" Her eyes went wide.
"Yes. It's colour is the blue of sadness because it takes people's sadness away. See for yourself, didn't you stop crying..."
The image of the two kids kept getting blurrier and blurrier until it was finally consumed by total darkness.
Rubbing off the sleep from his eyes, Ren sat up on his bed. He wondered why after all these years he had that dream.
As he went ahead to take a bath, he smiled at the memory of Kyoko getting so emotional over Mio. Just like when she was little.
Kyoko, he wondered. You don't really believe in fairies, do you?
Mizuki backed away from her cousin, Mio, with a terrified look. She kept stepping back until there was no more room and she was pressed tight against the wall, her eyes, wide and fearful, fixated on the small, yet wickedly sharp butter knife which Mio was holding.
Mio step forward with small, slow steps and a cruel, sarcastic smile on her pale lips. She finally stopped when she was only inches away from Mizuki, whom she hated the most in the whole world with every ounce of her being, and her eyes glinted with evil. Raising a cushion from the couch, she stabbed it to the wall right beside Mizuki's ear, who gasped in horror.
"What would you have done if it was Katsuki instead of a pillow?" Mio chuckled her dry, humorless laugh and stared at Mizuki through her brows. "Keep lying to yourself that the world is a beautiful place."
"W-what are you trying to say?" Mizuki whispered. Then, regaining her composure, she shot back in a tired voice, "just how many times do I have to tell you? I don't have feelings for Katsuki, he's our teacher."
"Aww, you poor thing," Mio chuckled again but her eyes grew colder. "What on earth gave you the impression I care about how you feel? That's adorable." She stepped back with a smug, satisfied look and turned to walk away.
"Why do you insist on hurting him? What has he ever done to you?" Mizuki shouted after her. "For the love of God, he is your sister's fiance! You have no right to-"
Mio halted. She gave Mizuki such a frosty look that it was enough to shut her up midsentence, and also chilled her to the bone.
"And cut!" The clapper board shot. "Excellent work."
Kyoko Mogami and Itsumi Momose relaxed and exchanged satisfied nods. The tension which was hanging in the air a minute ago disappeared without a trace as the hustle and bustle of the crew filled the place with sounds.
"I got goosebumps from that scene," Yashiro remarked to Ren. They had arrived to the set just in time to see the last take of Kyoko and Itsumi's scene.
"She's channeling the character with every fibre of her being," Ren replied as he gazed at Kyoko from afar while she was busy talking to the Director. She looked a lot more familiar to him since she dyed her hair black. He liked her new look.
"As a matter of fact, I'm beginning to think of Kyoko as the definitive Mio."
Ogata noticed Ren and Yashiro standing near the entrance and he strode up to them with Kyoko behind his heels. "Oh Ren, I thought you would be late because you were shooting that commercial today? Glad you could be here on time after all. We're getting ahead with great speed."
"Yeah. I can see that. Luckily the commercial wrapped early."
"Wait, did you come straight here?"
"Its okay. I grabbed a bite to eat on the way in."
"Ah good. Perfect. Well, we're still prepping so just sit back and relax for now." The Director said and walked away.
"Grabbed a bite to eat, huh?" Kyoko raised an eyebrow suspiciously. If she knew Ren at all, she was sure he must have literally had only a bite.
"I had a proper meal, I promise," Ren waved his hands and swore.
"Is that so?" She narrowed her eyes. "What was it exactly?"
"A rice ball."
"Since when does rice make a proper meal?"
"Well, I mean, it had some seaweed wrapped around it."
"Yashiro!" she shifted her glare from Ren to his manager. Grabbing him by the collar, she demanded, "what is wrong with you? You can't let this man feed himself!" She jabbed an accusing finger at Ren. "All he ever gets is junk food. He can't be trusted!"
"I...didn't...know..." Yashiro managed to utter in a raspy voice while being choked as his throat was being squeezed by Kyoko through his collar.
"Didn't know?" Kyoko pulled harder.
Through the dressing room, the lead actress on the set of Dark Moon, Itsumi Momose stepped out followed by a couple of extra junior artists while making casual conversation.
They spotted Kyoko shouting at poor Yashiro, and Ren, instead of helping his manager, was suppressing a smile at that sight.
"She sure picks on Tsuruga a lot!" One of the extras mumbled enviously.
"Kinda pisses me off," the other one muttered back.
"He is your colleague," Itsumi sighed. "If you want to know the man, make conversation. He's actually really nice. He won't eat you or anything."
"What?" Both the girls gasped with disbelief like Itsumi had asked them to rob a bank, and then blushed.
"No I couldn't!"
"I wouldn't know where to start!"
Itsumi just shook her head disappointedly and her straight, blonde hair swayed prettily around her neck.
"Come on, Itsumi, doesn't she piss you off too?"
"Yeah, I mean, he's your boyfriend in the story."
"So?" Itsumi raised an eyebrow at the two girls. "That has no actual relevance in real life." Besides, I admire this Kyoko for her dedication to her role, she thought with a small smile.
"You stayed up all night binge watching the original Tsukigomori?" Kyoko exclaimed. "That's intense. I'd be afraid of it influencing my performance, you know."
Ren casually took a sip of the steaming hot coffee as the crew bustle around in hurry to prepare the set for the next scene. The two costars were sitting in the back, away from the chaos, sipping black coffee together with Ren's manager, Yashiro.
"I wouldn't worry," Ren replied to her. "Your Mio is so violent there's really not a lot she has in common emotionally with the original."
"You don't have to say it like that! She's supposed to be mean," Kyoko gritted her teeth. Pouting her lower lip, she continued quietly, "she's is a princess under an evil spell, remember?"
Ren almost choked on his coffee as he tried to suppress his chuckle. Tried, but failed.
Kyoko shot him a glare, and harrumphed.
"Woah, easy there!" He chuckled again. "My bad, sorry. - So what I was trying to say is that I am tailoring my approach to be more like yours."
"I...don't understand what that means." Kyoko blinked her wide, hazel eyes in confusion. Surely she must have heard wrong. There was no way he actually said that he was using her approach to get into character.
"I'm saying I want my Katsuki to blow the original out of the water. Just like your Mio. That's why I'm studying the original. I'm looking for something missing from the first Katsuki's portrayal."
That's the Ren I know, Kyoko smiled. Always competitive and serious.
But even as she thought it, she could almost swear that something was different about him. Even though he tried to hide it, she could see the sombre expression beneath the facade of his impassive face and the pinch of worry in his voice like he was almost afraid of something.
"Mr Tsuruga, we're ready to shoot your take with Ms Momose." Someone from the crew called out.
"Right." Ren was on his feet.
Soon the scene started. In it, Katsuki was visiting his future-in-laws, the Hongos, but since he came in unannounced, no one was at home. No one, except Mizuki.
Kyoko wasn't paying attention. She was too lost in her thoughts, wondering what could be going through Ren's mind, or if it was just her imagination acting up and nothing was wrong.
After pondering on it for a while, she decided that it must be nothing and she was just over thinking. Come on, this is the Ren Tsuruga we're talking about, the one take wonder. The only Dark Moon cast member that Ogata hasn't made reshoot a single scene. Because that's how much on point he is. He can't be worried, I must have been thrown off by him saying that he wants to be more like me. Yeah, that must be it.
"Cut! Let's try that again from the top, Ren," Ogata called.
"Huh?" Kyoko gasped in disbelief. Her ears pricked up believing they must've heard wrong.
Ren was holding Mizuki's hand when the Director cut the scene in the middle.
He looked up at Ogata questioningly. For a moment, a very short and infinitesimal moment, which was probably a nanosecond long, Kyoko sensed something flicker in his eyes which looked a lot like panic to her.
"Ren, you see Mizuki in a whole new light now," the Director explained. "We need to feel that. Yes, you've always been a little interested in her but your feelings have evolved into something else entirely. Play that."
No way, Kyoko furrowed her brows. Did Ren just mess up for real?
"Take two. Action!" With the snapping sound of the clapper board, the second take started. This time Kyoko paid attention to the scene.
Mizuki entered the room with a steaming cup of tea in her hands and a bright, cheerful smile stuck to their face.
"Here you go," she passed the cup to Katsuki, but she let it go too early and it clattered to the ground before he could catch it.
The tea spilled on the the lush, beautiful carpet and the cup was smashed into little pieces.
Gasping, Mizuki crouched down to pick up the fragments in her small, pale hands, but this time she accidentally pricked her fingers through a wickedly sharp shard of the white china. Blood squeezed out from her finger and fell to the ground in big, fat drops staining the-already-tea-stained carpet even further giving it a new brownish hue.
Katsuki was at her side at once. Taking her hand into his own, he threw the shards away to the ground and softly carassed it while examining her wound. Slowly, his eyes swept up to her face and he gazed deep into the pale blue orbs of light that were her eyes, a little longer than socially acceptable.
"Cut! From the top again!" Ogata shouted.
It went on for two more takes. The scene went on perfectly, but the moment Katsuki started to gaze at Mizuki, the Director would stop the take, shouting, "cut!"
"I wonder how Ren's holding up." Yashiro muttered to Kyoko, his eyes brimming with concern.
"You think he is okay?" Kyoko mirrored his worry.
"It looks like he's not fazed, but there is no way he's not even a little upset. He's never had to do this many takes."
"Look," the Director sighed patiently and tried to explain to Ren what had been wrong. "Internally, Katsuki's undergoing a seismic shift. His feelings for Mizuki are going to be complex. I understand it's hard."
"Right," Ren's face was impassive and completely devoid of emotion.
"It's a tricky scene. For one thing, he is her teacher. Society would see him as exploiting his position to take advantage of a young girl. And that's just scratching the surface. Remember what his father did. That man killed Mizuki's family to protect his own. I mean, think what must be going through his head right now." Ogata paused to let his words sink in. "We need to see inner conflict. He doesn't want to be attracted to her, but try as he might, the heart wants what it wants. Katsuki's adrift. Powerless. Do you get it?"
Ren nodded silently.
"There love is forbidden, taboo on multiple levels," Ogata went on. "All of that is racing through his mind. Even when he so much as brushes up against her, the least contact is sheer agony. Her warmth lingers on his hand. He can't bear it. Katsuki's tearing himself apart. Show us that! He loves a woman he shouldn't. You know what that is. Break down your walls and use those feelings. Please. Screw the original. Give me the real Katsuki."
Ren was speechless. He didn't show it but President Takarada's words were constantly ringing in his mind louder than ever.
Kyoko finally hissed out a breath which she didn't realize she had been holding, after the Director was done with his impressive speech. "That was...wow!"
The fifth take began.
The scene went just as before until the moment Mizuki cut her finger. Then, Katsuki dropped to his knees besides her as he held her bleeding hand. Slowly he moved his eyes up to her face, breathing her in. The look he had, it was more of desperation than longing.
Until he froze. The President's words popped into mind again evoking an intense frown on his face in the middle of the scene.
When it comes to love, you're a terrible actor.
He tried to move, but his body was somehow turned into a statue, frozen in time.
If you expect an audience to buy that you're in love, your gonna have to dig a lot deeper than that.
The Director was on his feet. "Cut!" But Ren still didn't move. He was transfixed.
You will be a lifeless copy of the original Katsuki at best.
Kyoko stared solicitously at Ren. She felt utterly helpless when she saw the desperation in his eyes as he struggled to budge from his spot. Are the constant retakes throwing him off his game? She wondered. No, I think it's much deeper than that. I think he's second guessing himself as an actor. But why?
Ogata strode up to Ren and placed a light hand on his shoulder witch snapped him back to the reality. "I'm sorry," the Director apologized sincerely. "I'm pushing too hard. There's too much pressure on you. I'm asking the impossible. You're in your own head."
Ren pressed a palm on his eyes. "No..." He muttered. "I'm sorry. It's not you..."
Kyoko felt awful. They all could see that he was having trouble. But no one thought that it would come to this, that he would be completely paralyzed. The role of a lifetime was beyond him.
Ren cleared his throat and regained his composure, "I'm sorry. I'd love it if we could go from the top."
Ogata studied him uncertainly for a long moment before replying, "listen to me, Ren. You can't play this kind of dilemma from the outside. It has to come from the heart. You're too much in your own head. What's going on? Talk to me."
"I'm so sorry." Ren looked down. "I will get it right next time."
"No you won't," Ogata shook his head sadly. "You're trying too hard. You need to take a break."
Ren's eyes went wide, "Sir, please-"
"Go home," the Director was determined. "A little rest will do you good. Take your time. I want you back when you're ready to be Katsuki. Not a minute sooner."