YEARNING.
"Hey stranger," Kyoko flashed him a grin. "I thought I recognised this car. What are the chances?"
His eyes blinked with surprise and for a moment he just stared at her. Rolling down the car window, he couldn't help smiling the most genuine smile he had ever shown any one since he built this image of Ren Tsuruga. He let down the walls around him entirely and left his emotions completely defenseless and free to run wild and to be displayed on his face, like the surge of heat coursing through every vein of his body, the relief and happiness flooding inside for finally realizing the truth, and most of all, love. The irresistible and incalculable love he felt for the girl in front of him. "Well, how about that? Fancy meeting you here."
Getting such a genuinely jovial smile from Ren caught Kyoko completely off guard. She was expecting him to be drowning in the dumps like before, but his aura was suddenly radiating. His angelic smile was so bright that it almost compelled her and her heart skipped a beat.
It was then Ren realized that even if he now knew his feelings for Kyoko, he wasn't supposed to show it to her because that would only freak her out. Besides, he had no intention of changing things between the two of them. At least not now. So in an instant, he built back up those walls around him which hid his true emotions with the stoic, impassive shell and the cool facade of a poker face.
"Hey, so I know it's a little bit out of the blue and everything," Kyoko went on, "but what would you think if I... I suddenly felt like cooking you some dinner?"
His heart swelled again but this time he didn't show it. If he wanted to keep his feelings in check, he should be staying away from Kyoko, especially now. But here she was at the worst time possible. Ren knew her showing up here wasn't simply a coincidence. So he silently cursed the traitor who had put him in this situation, Damn it, Yashiro!
His lips twisted into his perfect signature smile which was so forced that it might as well be dripped in venom. "I think it's an excellent idea."
Kyoko shuddered and took an easy step back. Not that smile again! What happened? He was fine a minute ago. I don't get it! Does he hate being cooked for?
After Kyoko had cooked the dinner and put it on the table, she finally decided to break the awful silence which had been hanging between them since the whole evening. "Um...Ren?"
"Yeah?" He flashed his perfect signature smile again, which was more cold and fake than last time. "What's up?"
"I feel like you've been real upset about something lately?" Her voice came out horse. It was a miracle she was able to speak at all while being the victim of that deadly cold smile.
"Really? Me, upset?" His smile widened. Any other girl would have fallen for this facade but Kyoko knew better. "A charming girl comes over and cooks me dinner out of the blue. What's there to be upset about?"
Nice try but I can tell that you're upset! She shot back silently. Or you wouldn't have plastered on that smile.
"This all looks delicious, thank you." Looking at the dishes, he mumbled once they sat down at the table.
"Welcome."
As they ate, silence once again consume the air and it felt plain awkward. Kyoko tried to come up with anything to say but failed. Her eyes drifted around the room searchingly trying to find something to talk about. "Um...can we turn on the TV?" Her eyes lingered on the remote hopefully.
"Of course. Sure, go ahead."
Kyoko switched it on and the music from the commercials at least took care of the awkward silence. She sighed with relief. Seriously? What did people do before television?
After the commercials ended, a talk show started playing.
"Here comes the next couple," the anchor beamed and a middle aged man with a young, beautiful girl clinging to his arm stepped out on the stage. "Forbidden romance! A teacher's illicit feelings for a young student and her secret crush. What's the age difference? "
"Nineteen years," the man replied as he held the hand of his young bride. "Can you believe it?"
Nineteen? Kyoko almost choked on her dinner. She looked at Ren uncertainly and found his eyes glued to the screen. "Um...hey...Ren?"
"Hmm?"
"If this is bothering you, we can change it," she added shyly.
"What do you mean? Is it bothering you?"
"No, I just thought... Well he is nineteen years older than her."
"I know," he replied nonchalantly. "I'm right here."
"Doesn't that strike you as creepy or anything?" Her eyebrows shot up in disbelief.
His face was genuinely poker and apparent when he replied, "so? Love is love."
Love is love? What the...! Fumes of anger rose from her. You gotta be kidding me! A nineteen year old difference and it's perfectly okay but dating someone in high school is off-limits? What is going on in that stupid brain of yours? Double standards much? Is it what you'd say if I happened to be dressed up like a giant chicken!
Ren's eyes remained glued to the screen during the entire interview. Once it ended, he tilted his face and his eyes bored into Kyoko.
If those two can make it work, what's keeping him from asking this girl out? She wondered. They're practically the same age, aren't they? So what if she is in school? He is barely out of it.
Her eyes nervously darted around the room when she noticed him staring at her, until colour tinged her cheeks and she blushed hard. "Is... Is there's something on my face?" She blurted.
Snapping from his reverie, he cocked his head to the side to avert his eyes. "Nothing. I was just lost in thoughts. That's it." After a pause he added, "that is quiet an age difference, huh?" He sighed hopelessly.
That whole thing is really getting to him, isn't it? Kyoko looked down. She didn't know what she could do about it.
Ren cupped his face in his hands and sighed again.
After dinner, he hardly said a word to her while he drove her back home. For the rest of the way, he kept sighing in a way like there was no more hope. Kyoko wanted to help, but there was nothing more she could do. She was there for him yet she was no help at all.
He parked the car on the side of the road and they stepped out.
"Do you need me to walk you up?" he asked as he looked at the dark street ahead in which Darumaya was situated.
"Nah. It's not that far."
"Alright. Anyway, it was a nice thing you did for me tonight," he said while making an effort not to look at her. "The food was delicious."
How are you supposed to thank a girl without looking her in the eye? She snapped at him silently. Then her face softened. Whatever is going on with him, I hate it! Aloud she said, "you're totally welcome. I'm glad we got to spend some time together."
For a brief moment, their eyes met and not trusting himself, Ren restrained himself in his car as fast as he could before he did something he would later regret. "See you around. Good night." Without waiting for a reply, he started the engine.
"Wait!" Kyoko bended a little to face him through the window.
"Yeah?" Ren still didn't look at her.
"You...um..." she knew she had to say something. Anything that might give him some hope but nothing came to mind. Silence hung between them as she racked her brain. In the end she said, "your Katsuki is gonna be brilliant. Mizuki will be blown away."
His neck tilted involuntarily and once again he found himself drowning in those big, hazel eyes of hers.
Kyoko blushed hard. "I know it."
The next thing he knew, his heart was ablaze evoking a delicious shiver down his spine. "Thank you," he managed to mutter before he drove away. As soon as he was out of sight, he pressed the breaks hard and screeched his car to an abrupt halt. Taking a few deep breaths to calm the rushing adrenaline coursing through his body, he closed his eyes tight shut and squeezed his shirt above his heart so that his rapid heartbeat might take pity on him and take it down a notch, but it didn't help. Nothing helped. The only thing that remained in his mind was Kyoko with her cheeks painted red and her dark hair blowing softly in the evening breeze like the image was somehow branded in his inner eye.
That night when Ren got back to his apartment, he got a call from the President.
"Three days. That's how long you've got to find your centre before they want you back on set," Takarada said the exact thing what Ren had been suspecting. "You're gonna have to get back in front of those cameras and if I don't like what I see, you're out. End of story. Are we on the same page?"
"Yes we are, sir." Ren shot back, his voice surprisingly determined. "Good night." he hung up.
Takarada stroked his chin, "I like that edge in his voice."
Meanwhile, Ren sank down in his bed without turning off the lights. He wasn't going to sleep because he had a lot of thinking to do.
Stop fighting it. Get this in your head, he told himself. Don't fear the original. Be real for once in your life. Live in the moment. Give them Katsuki.
Now that he knew he was in love with Kyoko, all he had to do was figure out how to portray Katsuki using these newfound overwhelming emotions. He finally understood what the President was trying to tell him. Because what he felt was impossible to describe. It could not be said but it could be shown. The only question was how.
The answer just popped in his head. The only way it was possible was for him to break down the walls around him and to completely embrace his love for Kyoko.
The next morning, Yashiro was waiting for Ren in the cafeteria of the agency.
"Good morning!" He turned at the sound of his client's voice and was absolutely stunned to see a genuinely cheerful smile stuck to his lips.
Yashiro was dumbstruck. Then he remembered how he had sent Kyoko to have dinner with him last night. Looks like things worked out, a mischievous grin suffused on his lips but was soon supressed when he decided it was too early to tease Ren about it.
"Shall we get going?" Ren asked. His smile didn't waver an inch.
"Sure."
They made their way outside where they caught sight of her.
Ren froze up when he suddenly found himself looking at Kyoko. He gasped, because when he gazed at her, he noticed the difference. The sight was so clear that it almost felt like his eyes had turned into binoculars because suddenly, he could notice every little detail about her.
Sitting on the stairs by the main entrance, her eyes were darting from face to face searchingly, like she was waiting for someone. Her dark hair were glistening beautifully below the illuminating lights. Her school uniform was draped around her slightly curvaceous torso in a mesmerizing way only revealing her bare elbows and bits of her pale thighs between her navy skirt and dark stockings. A loose strand of hair was somehow freed from the dark wisps clustered behind her ear and it flew stubbornly in front of her face. She caught it between her delicate fingers and tucked it in it's place before her eyes spotted him.
Ren was speechless at the breathtakingly alluring sight in front of him. When he first realised his true feelings for Kyoko he did nothing but suppress them. Now, however, he was ready to let his emotions lose, to freely explore the unknown corners of his heart, to not just know that he was in love but to accept it, to embrace it.
The result was a rhapsodic ecstacy suffusing through out his body like a sweet drug. He finally understood what Ogata meant, because it felt to him like he was seeing Kyoko in a whole new light now. He almost laughed at his naivety, at what a fool he had been to think he could portray this whirlpool of overwhelming emotions simply by copying the original actor.
Kyoko could feel his eyes boring into hers. They looked at each other and a smile spread across her face sending an electric ripple throughout his body.
Walking up to him and Yashiro, she greeted them with her adorable, bubbly voice. "Hello."
"Kyoko," Yashiro beamed at her. "It's so nice to run into you, isn't it Ren?" he wiggled his eyebrows mischievously at his client before turning back to her. "You're wearing your uniform, is it your day off?"
"Yeah, I had no shoot today so I took this day off from the agency to attend my classes," she explained.
"Then why aren't you at school?" Yashiro wondered aloud as he curiously eyed the contents in her hand. It was a large bento box wrapped in a bundle.
[ Bento is a single-portiontake outor home-packed meal common in Japan. It is a lacquered or decorated wooden Japanese lunch box consisting of such items as rice, vegetables, and sashimi. ]
This time, Kyoko looked straight at Ren when she answered. "Actually I'm here to see you. I knew you would be here today because I asked Mr Yashiro to give me your schedule. I was waiting for you to give you this." She held out the bento box to him. "If it's alright, please try it."
Ren opened his mouth to respond but no words came. Yet the question was practically written on his face, why? Why would you...?
"You must be wondering why I bought you this," as if reading his thoughts, Kyoko went on. "Well, it's because I know you are dealing with some issues these days. I wanted to help you but I didn't know how. I felt so useless. So I made you this. I know It wouldn't be much help but I wanted to do something at least. I thought it might lift your spirits."
Warmth gushed through him and without permission, his lips twisted into his angelic smile. He gazed at the ocular hazel spheres on her face, they were almost as delicate as glass, which, if not treated with care could shatter into a million pieces. It should have been illegal for someone to possess something so beautiful.
"It means a lot," he took the bento box from her. "Thank you."
It was Kyoko's turn to stare at his smile with wonder. They gazed at each other for a few moments longer than socially acceptable before Yashiro cleared his throat freeing their eyes like they were holding each other captive. He hated to interrupt them but more and more people were barging in through the entrance and the last thing he wanted was some spicy rumours about the two before anything could actually happen.
"Actually," Ren broke the blissful silence between them. "Aside from cooking me this delicious bento, there is one more thing you can do for me. I'm sure it will help me a lot."
"Anything," she didn't even hesitate.
"You can say no if you want," Ren warned. A glint of fiery passion sparked in his eyes.
"What is it exactly that you want?"
"Your time and body," he inched a step closer. "Tonight."
To be continued.
