Obfuscated Frustration - Requested by anonymous - June 11th, 2021
Season 4 - Mulder accidentally makes Scully cry
Scully knew Mulder was fussing over her because he felt guilty about how utterly shit their day had been thus far, and in his never-ending quest to make everything his fault, he blamed himself. After finishing a case that turned out to be a bust, they had to wake up for a five a.m. flight only for it to be delayed until noon, consequently followed by an emergency landing that gave her a small, poorly hidden anxiety attack. Now they were trapped at an airport in the middle of nowhere while they waited for their now seven p.m. flight.
She wasn't mad at him per se, she was just frustrated because this same scenario had happened countless times over the past four years, but now he was doting on her every move trying to make sure she was as comfortable as possible. The implication was unspoken, but it was deafening to her. Mulder thought she was fragile because of the cancer, that she shouldn't have come in the first place, and it hurt her to think he didn't want or need her help.
So while he fawned over her out of an unsaid guilt, she reacted out of an unsaid hurt.
Every time she rejected his offers with a curt response, she saw a glimmer of pain and worry cross his gaze that would quickly morph into a building frustration. To her, it felt like he thought doing something for her was the only thing that would absolve him of his guilt and the fact she was denying him of that was clearly upsetting him.
They'd been sitting at their terminal for thirty minutes now in awkward silence before he tried his luck again. "Let me get you something to eat."
"I'm not hungry," she replied.
There was a pause before he stated, "You haven't eaten anything all day."
She shrugged, picking at her nails, and upon his sigh, she snapped, "What?"
He let out a sardonic chuckle before saying, "You've been in a mood all day. I'm sorry that I dragged you out here, but I don't know why you're taking it out on me."
"You didn't 'drag me out here,' Mulder. I'm doing my job. I'm not 'taking anything out on you,'" she replied, mimicking him. When he shook his head and turned away, she sneered, "Do you have something you want to say?"
"Sometimes you're goddamned infuriating to be around, Scully," he murmured, crossing his arms over his chest while looking ahead of him.
He didn't mean it. She knew he didn't.
But it felt like a slap in the face.
She wanted to reply "you think you're a walk in the park?" Something she didn't really mean either, just something to hurt him back, but she couldn't. All the shitty events of the day had culminated and him snapping at her was the last thing she could take. Her face grew hot and her throat was so tight she was worried her next breath would be a sob.
Going out on cases was the only thing that made her feel normal. Work was the only time she could distract herself from what was happening in her body, and for him to imply he was annoyed by her was the last thing she needed to hear. There wasn't anywhere for her to go, but she didn't want him to see her reaction to his rude comment.
She pivoted her body away from him and let her eyes clamp shut while her chin quivered, hot tears leaking down her cheeks. The comment wasn't even that mean, but she was sleep-deprived and today had been awful. Scully felt her nose starting to run and she didn't have a tissue on her person. Hoping that once wouldn't give her away, she sniffled to try and compose herself. Pitifully, when she tried to exhale, she involuntarily whimpered.
"Scully?" Mulder prompted the aggravation that was just in his tone making way for his concern. She felt him lean towards her slightly, but she froze. Hoping her lack of response would just further irritate him and he'd leave her alone.
Another hot tear slid down her cheek as she stared intently at the wall she'd turned towards. "Hey," he tried again, this time placing a hand on her upper back.
She didn't turn to look at him, but she let her side profile be visible to him as she looked in her lap, her hands obfuscated and warped from the pools of unsaved tears resting on her lash line.
"Aw, Scully," he murmured sorrowfully. He got down on a knee in front of her seated position, grabbing her hands with his in the hopes she'd look at him.
Instead, unblinking, her tears fell onto his hands like raindrops. "I didn't mean it, Scully. I'm so sorry. I don't even know why I said that," he lamented apologetically.
"I know," she replied, her voice sounding pathetic to even her own ears.
"I didn't mean to make you cry," he added. "I'm just frustrated with this shit day, and I know you're tired and you won't let me help you."
"You've been treating me differently lately and I h-hate it," she admitted, her voice embarrassingly hitching like a hiccup mid-sentence. Scully let her gaze meet his and she saw he looked beyond remorseful, the familiar puppy dog expression etched in his features. "I came because I want to work and help you. You're making me feel like a burden for even being here."
"I didn't-," he stammered, pausing to wipe the tears from her cheeks with the back of his index finger. "I just wanted to know you're okay."
She nodded, self-aware enough to know she'd said she was fine far more often than she'd felt it. "I don't like when we're mad at each other," she mumbled.
"Me either," he replied, squeezing her hands. "I'm really sorry."
"I'm just tired, it's not your fault," she replied, removing her hands from his to wipe her hands under her eyes so any run-away makeup was wiped away. Blinking with a resound sniff to make herself look presentable. Then, offering him a little piece of how she was really feeling lately to make him feel better, she added, "The medicines I've been taking have made me a little emotional. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be short with you today."
"You're never a burden to me, Scully," Mulder assured, his tone emphasizing that he found the very idea to be ludicrous. "I need you here, more than you could ever know," he added, his voice faltering slightly at the end with the weight of his sincerity.
Scully knew the depth of his meaning, and it hurt her knowing she wasn't able to promise him forever anymore, the cancer acting as a timer counting down in her body with no set end.
Instead of replying, she grabbed his hands and squeezed lightly. "Let's go grab some dinner, alright?"
She could at least promise him tonight.
