Chapter 4: Sirius Mourning

London, United Kingdom

December 28, 1979

Sirius Black smiled as he sat down on the bar stool in the Leaky Cauldron and ordered a firewhiskey from Tom, the Owner and Proprietor of the Leaky Cauldron.

"Long day Sirius?" The owner asked as he passed him his drink.

"Yeah, but it will be longer for the Obliviator Squad." He said with a sigh. There had been another Death Eater attack in a Muggle neighborhood in Lambeth. Well, Sirius thought it was a Death Eater attack but there was no true evidence to prove it. He had arrived as the perpetrators were apparating away. They were wearing dark cloaks and hoods so Sirius had not been able to get a good look at them. Wearing dark cloaks and hoods was not enough evidence that one was a Death Eater, as he had been told repeatedly by supervision. Muggle-baiting was also not a Death Eater only sport. It could have been Wizarding teenagers who had chosen to attack those Muggles. Sirius still believed it was Death Eaters, perhaps initiation rites? They did not know enough about the Death Eaters and how they operated, aside from terror. That was a hard fact that Sirius had only realized after he had become an Auror.

Sirius turned away from the bar as Tom went to tend to another newly arrived customer. He scanned the area and then took up his drink and headed to a table that still had a copy of the Daily Prophet. He had awoken late that mourning due to a pleasurable night spent with the pretty blonde that lived down the hall from him and had not had time to read the morning edition of the paper. The woman was a Muggle and at first he had not wanted to give in to her advances considering she lived just down the hall. He knew perfectly well that he would not make a go of it with her. He had already decided that he could not afford to have an intense and committed relationship while Voldemort was out there terrorizing the people. He had seen the deep worry in Lily's eyes when James had to depart on some emergency or other. The fear in her eyes that she might never see him again. He could not bring himself to put that look into the eyes of the woman he loved. He also knew that this Muggle-woman, no matter how pretty and how sexy would not have been his pick.

However, he had been tired, lonely in a way he had not felt in ages when the woman had made her advances. Ultimately it was her eyes that had made him succumb. They were pale green, so similar to Olivia's eyes. He was pretty sure he had called her Olivia a few times during the night, not that the woman seemed to care. She had not reprimanded him for it.

He began to peruse the paper in a bid to take his mind away from his thoughts about the women in his life, the one he had taken to his bed last night and the one he had pushed away but still longed for. James had called him a thrice-cursed fool for pushing Lady Olivia Greengrass away from him. Sirius had argued the point, reminded James of the danger that surrounds them daily. James had told him that Lily and their unborn child was what James fought for every day and that Sirius would be all the stronger if he had accepted the love of Olivia Greengrass when she had offered her heart to him. Sirius disagreed. He would surely have had more to lose.

He let his eyes trail over the paper barely taking in what he was reading. He chuckled when he realized that he was perusing the section for announcements and he began to turn the page away toward the obituaries when an announcement caught his attention and held it. His blue eyes widened as he read the simple formal announcement.

Lord Demetrius Greengrass formally announces the marriage of his daughter the Lady Olivia Greengrass to Lord Malcolm Macmillan.

It was such a simple announcement, without embellishments. Sirius felt like he had been stabbed in the chest. Olivia was getting married. No, according to this paper it was a fait accompli. She was married. She had married someone else. Anger burned through him at the thought of Malcolm Macmillan touching her.

'You pushed her away.' A little inner voice reminded him. He hated that little voice. Of late his conscious had begun to sound like the voice of his younger brother, Regulus. Well, it sounded like Regulus' voice when last they had spoken to one another. They had not spoken to one another since Sirius was sixteen and it was the night that he had ran away from home.

He still felt rage burbling in his blood. He wanted to find Malcolm Macmillan and bludgeon him. He wanted to grab Olivia and take her far away, lock her away in his bedroom where no one but he could touch her ever again. He scowled due to his possessive thoughts. This was what he had been afraid of when he had chosen to push Olivia away. He was afraid that he would want her too much, need her too much. She had turned into a great liability and he did not want a target painted on her back by his enemies. When he had pushed her away he had known that she meant a great deal to him and he had wanted to protect her. He had not known then that she would walk away with his heart.

She would be safe as the wife of Malcolm Macmillan. He had wanted her to be safe and so he attempted to tell himself that her marriage was a good thing. He knew that Macmillan had a good reputation as an honest and honorable sort of man. He would not hurt her. He might even make her happy, happier than Sirius had done. An image of Olivia fighting back tears when he had told her that their relationship was just a fun fling seized him and his hands fisted the edges of the newspaper. Macmillan better never make her cry like Sirius had and if he did then he best pray that Sirius never learned of it.

He swiftly turned the page refusing to look further on Olivia's wedding announcement. He let his eyes trail over the obituaries, trying to let his anger go, to let it be replaced with sadness for the poor souls lost too soon to Voldemort's madness, to end his torment of thinking of Olivia. An Obituary caught his eye and he froze, his muscles locked still as he stared at it.

Regulus Arcturus Black born December 31, 1961 died on December 22, 1979. He was the son of the late Orion Black by his wife Walburga Black. He was a graduate of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry and had played as Seeker for the Slytherin House Quidditch Team. Regulus leaves behind his mother, Walburga Black, his grandparents Lord Arcturus Black III and Melania Black.

Sirius stopped reading the list of Black's that were left behind to mourn Regulus. He could not continue. He let the paper flutter from his numb fingers. Regulus was dead. Little Reggie, his little brother. The little boy that used to rush head long after him on adventures when they were children. The child who was afraid of thunderstorms and monsters and so would beg to climb into bed with him. The young man who had tried to keep his attention only to be rebuffed by him.

The thought made him choke. Reggie. He had turned his brother away hadn't he? He had been cruel to him when Regulus had tried to get his attention. He hadn't wanted Regulus around and now Regulus wasn't around. It had been years since he had heard his little brother's voice and now he would never hear that voice again.

Tears stung his eyes and he stumbled to his feet. He didn't hear Old Tom calling out to him in concern as he exited the Leaky Cauldron. He stumbled out into the night and felt the cold mist of London fall gently upon his face. Regulus was dead. How? The obituary had not said how or why only that he was dead.

Sirius frowned as he thought on what little he knew of his brother's life. That was the real trouble. He didn't know. He really did not know that much about Regulus. When he was sixteen he was sure he knew everything that there was worth knowing about his little brother but now… He felt his hands clench into fists before he slammed one hard into the stone wall of the building beside him. He didn't know anything about his brother and he had not known anything of worth about Regulus when he was sixteen. Why did it take Regulus' death to make him see that?

Sirius moved down the street disgusted with himself. His emotions were a horrible cocktail of grief and anger. Regulus was dead, why? He was not sick; he would have heard if Regulus had been hospitalized. Illness was swiftly ruled out. It was not Aurors that killed Regulus or he would have been informed at Headquarters. He frowned then in thought. He had suspected that Regulus was a Death Eater but he had never seen proof that he was. Had he wronged his brother in that as well? Was Regulus dead now because…because he had been offered the mark and had chosen to refuse it?

The thought swirled in his head and he wanted desperately to believe it. He wanted to see the body of his dead brother. He wanted to look and see if that horrible mark was branded upon his brother's arm. More than that though, he wanted to see Reggie because he wanted it to be a cruel joke. A terrible prank. It could not be real.

He continued walking, ignoring anyone he happened upon. He rushed into an alley a few minutes later and apparated away. He soon found himself just four blocks away from his childhood home. He raced down the street and turned left headed with only one destination in his mind.

He came to a halt before 12 Grimmauld Place. He moved up the side walk and took swiftly strode up the steps. His hand raised to knock on the door but he never got the chance. The door was opened and he blinked for a moment then looked down focusing his gaze on Kreacher, the family house-elf. He sneered in anger upon seeing him. He hated the Elf and the feeling was mutual. When he was a child Kreacher had not been so bad, though he was always scolding Sirius for being reckless. It was Regulus that Kreacher had adored. When Sirius had sorted into Gryffindor Kreacher had become more and more intolerable toward Sirius.

"Nasty child who broke his mother's heart has returned." Kreacher's voice was that of a bull-frog croak.

Sirius scowled at him. "I am here to see Mrs. Black." Sirius informed Kreacher.

"Mistress is in mourning and can only see family." Kreacher seemed to take delight in that last dig.

Sirius would not claim to be family, never-mind that Walburga Black had given him life. She had been no mother to him. "Orion Black has been dead for many months." It stung to say those words. An image of a handsome black haired man picking him up and swinging holding him close came to him then. He had loved his father, once. It had taken Orion's death to make Sirius begin to remember that affection. "She has reached the stage where she may receive visitors that are not family."

Kreacher's voice trembled and tears came to his eyes then. "Mistress mourns her only son." He said then he looked down, away from Sirius. "Master Regulus, my poor brave Master is dead."

Sirius felt as though he had been punched in the stomach. True then. It was true. "Reggie…" He whispered his little brother's name.

Kreacher seemed to look at him in curiosity as though he were confused by Sirius' grief.

"How? How did Reggie die Kreacher? Was he ill?" Sirius demanded as he roughly grabbed a hold of the House-Elf by his smock.

Kreacher shook his head in the negative but did not try to fight against Sirius' hold on him.

"Someone hurt him then?" Sirius reasoned. "Tell me Kreacher. Who was it? Who did Reggie fear? He must have known he was in danger. He had to know that someone would try to hurt him. Tell me. I know you always spied on Reggie, you know now tell me!"

Kreacher watched him warily for a few moments and then just when Sirius was sure that the disgusting thing would not answer him he did. "The Dark Lord." Kreacher spoke.

"What about the Dark Lord?" Sirius asked Kreacher even as he felt his rage sharpening upon a pinpoint.

"Master Regulus was afraid of The Dark Lord." Kreacher said to Sirius softly. "He thought that the Dark Lord was a bad bad man. He said that the Dark Lord wanted him and wanted to mark him because he was the Heir Black."

Sirius released his hold on Kreacher's smock and closed his eyes tight against the tears that were threatening to fall. Oh Merlin! He had abandoned Regulus to this hadn't he? Regulus had been fourteen years old when Sirius had run away. Regulus had been so young, too young. He had always been so ingratiating to others, always he had sought to please everyone else. Regulus used to become distressed when Sirius fought with their parents.

Sirius felt something deep within still as he remembered how upset Regulus used to get when Sirius and Walburga fought. Sirius had always assumed that it was because Regulus sided with their mother but no, no it had not been that. Regulus had not sided with Walburga. He just did not want them to fight. Regulus wanted Sirius to be more cunning about getting his way. Regulus wanted him to work around Walburga not bash head first into her like a battering ram.

He had left Regulus to this fate, hadn't he? Poor ingratiating Regulus would not have been able to fight easily against the wishes of their demented mother. Walburga would have wanted Regulus to take the Dark Mark. She would have demanded it as some penance that Regulus should have to bear for Sirius leaving the family. Oh Merlin! He hadn't spoken with Regulus after he had left the family. He had left the boy behind with a monster who was more than happy to feed him up to another monster.

Regulus was dead. He must have refused to belong to the Dark Lord. It was the only explanation that Sirius could come up with for why Regulus would be dead now. The Dark Lord would never have killed the young Heir of House Black if Regulus had been willing to be marked. He would have no potential control over the family that way. For all that he was not fond of his grandfather, Arcturus Black III was not a Death Eater. Sirius had made sure to have Auror's look into him to determine if he was marked or if he were at least a sympathizer assisting the Death Eaters. So far Arcturus had checked out as being innocent.

"The Funeral?" Sirius asked the watching House-Elf.

"Tomorrow." Kreacher said simply.

Sirius nodded his head and then he once more turned his back on Grimmauld Place. He hoped he would never see the place again. He returned the same way he came and then apparated away. He had not really thought much on a destination. He had just wanted to get away and so he had thought of an alleyway near an old bar that he and a few of his Auror buddies had gone to a time or two after work. It was a shoddy place but served great whiskey. He wanted to drown himself in whiskey at the moment.

He entered and went to the bar to have a seat. He ordered himself a whiskey and told the barkeeper to keep them coming. It was Sirius' intention to be nice and tipsy by the time he went home.

He kept drinking as his mind swirled. His brother had refused the Dark Mark and now he was dead. He did not think he could ever stand to hear someone say anything bad about Regulus ever again. His friends had often said bad things about Regulus. Peter was really quite fond of pointing Regulus out to him when they were in school. The sight of Regulus wearing Slytherin green and silver had always incensed Sirius. Then Peter would say demeaning things about Regulus and Sirius would feel a sense of grim satisfaction. He remembered a few altercations with Regulus when the young man was still trying to gain his attention. He remembered the first time Peter said something cruel to him and Regulus had looked so taken-a-back. Confusion and hurt had etched its way across his brother's features. He had looked to Sirius as though wanting and waiting for him to defend him.

Sirius gripped his hair hard as though wanting to pull it out as he remembered what he had done. He had commended Peter. He had complimented the man whom had just hurt his brother. Regulus had looked at Sirius with such a heart-broken look. James had scolded him for it by saying that he shouldn't have commended Peter even if Regulus was a slimy snake. Sirius had brushed it off then, but now, oh now he was unsure if he would ever get Regulus' hurt expression out of his mind.

He took up a freshly poured glass of whiskey and guzzled it down, embracing the burn. He needed the burn. It was one of the few things keeping him from going numb. Someone had murdered his brother, and he was pretty sure he knew exactly who it was. He had hated the man styling himself as Lord Voldemort before but now there were no words for how deeply and dearly he despised the monster. He wanted to take him apart a piece at a time. Had he killed Reggie quickly? Probably not. No. The Heir Black had probably been violently tortured in an attempt to change his mind. How long did Reggie suffer? Though they did not know much about Voldemort they knew that he enjoyed playing with his prey. Regulus had been prey.

Vengeance. It was not a well-known fact that Black's always avenged wrongs done to them. Regulus was his little brother and Sirius felt the need for vengeance burning in his blood, threatening to ignite his very soul. He needed vengeance for Regulus. He needed to see Voldemort ended.

He paid his tab before he left the pub behind him. He walked three blocks when he heard the steps sounding behind him. Men he guessed by the sound of the footfalls. He thought little more of it until he reached the alleyway and stepped within it. The men were no doubt headed home after having an evening at the pub. It was when they too turned into the alleyway and he realized that he could not apparate away in front of Muggles that he understood that these men had been following him.

He turned toward the men and looked them over. Both were dark haired and one wore a gray cap on his head. One was taller than Sirius though not by more than a foot. The other was shorter than Sirius by two feet and was of a stocky build. Both men looked tough and intimidating. Sirius did not feel the least intimidated though.

"I want to warn you now that this has been the worst day of my life. You do not want to mess with me." Sirius told them with menace. He looked both men over and realized that they were not going to back down. "Very well, I will indulge you."

He had barely finished the final sentence when the taller man moved forward and attempted to punch him. Sirius stepped back away from the man's reach then swiftly moved forward punching the man hard in the gut. He heard the man croak out a grunt of pained surprise but he didn't go down. Meanwhile the shorter man with the stocky build had come up behind Sirius and soon Sirius found himself tousling with both men.

He struggled in the grip of the stocky man and his taller opponent managed to land several well aimed punches to his sides and his gut. Sirius felt the breath get knocked out of him and wheezed for a moment trying to breathe. As soon as he managed to gain a breath he also managed to pull the man with the stockier build up over his shoulders and into the tall man. Sirius did not hesitate to kick the two men as soon as they were down. This was not a fair gentlemanly fight after all. It was a back alley brawl. The only rules that applied were do all you could to win.

Sirius felt a strange dizzying sensation for a moment. It felt as though he were suddenly drained of energy and it brought him down to his knees. He remained that way, gasping for breath while his attackers picked themselves up and with a few mutters fled the alleyway leaving him alone. It was some moments before Sirius felt that he had full control over himself again. He scanned the alleyway before he arose to his feet. He swayed slightly and cursed beneath his breath. Emotional flagellation and whiskey did not mix, he decided as he took out his wand and apparated to the alleyway nearest to his apartment complex.

It was a relief when he was able to stumble into his apartment and find that he was alone. He had for a moment feared the pretty blond would be back again. He was annoyed to find that she had left him a note asking for them to get together again sometime. He balled up the note and let it drop on the kitchen counter. He walked to his living room sofa and fell down upon it and stared hard at the wall. He took several deep breaths trying to regain a sense of balance but he ultimately failed.

Instead he thought of Regulus and how he must have suffered tremendously before he died. He thought of how Regulus must have thought that he could not contact Sirius. Sirius had pushed his little brother away so why would Regulus believe that Sirius would meet with him and hear him out? He briefly thought of Olivia, now the wife of another man and how he wished she was there to hold him now in his hour of grief. He hugged a pillow close to him and after a few moments he gave in to his sorrows and allowed his tears to fall.